 So this morning I was reading the news about Olivia Wilde and Harry Styles breaking up And I'm quite frankly not very surprised. Now for those of you who live in the United States and follow these actors Most of you might probably don't This is a couple. I believe and I don't recall specifically. They probably I think they met on the set of a movie She was directing and found themselves in twined in a relationship and it went on for a couple years So these are Hollywood actors and actresses actually Harry Styles the musician Well, I said I'm not surprised is this is a couple that met What I believe Is from the perspective of lust and limerence lust and limerence and if you're not familiar with lust That's when you physically desire someone most likely from a sexual perspective and limerence is extreme infatuation the high infatuation In fact, most couples actually operate from a place of attraction and Not necessarily are they truly compatible from a long-term perspective in a relationship. In In fact, there are Coaches out there in the dating mating and relating realm that are selling the idea of teaching men how to build Attraction the art of seduction to seduce a woman Because it's all based on the early stages of a relationship They which is attraction and if you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg chart, let me show it with everyone You can see here that like this is an iceberg, okay? Now we see what's above the waterline in which is attraction is chemistry But what's most important for all my long-term relationship perspective is shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity That equals a sense of compatibility in a relationship Now why is this important to discuss on a topic that's called, you know, how to get a guy hooked on you And what's a woman's secret weapon where we're gonna get into that for a second? But before we do I really want to lean into inviting you To ask yourself. Are you looking for a serious relationship or are you looking for a casual relationship? I really want you to lean into that. Are you genuinely looking for a serious relationship? Now I understand in the early stage of dating. It's very casual. There's not a lot of expectation and that certainly makes sense because when you are with these days were meeting total Strangers for the most part meeting strangers and when we don't know much about a stranger It takes a little bit longer time to determine if there's a real sense of do you share the same values? Are your lifestyles blendable what one with one another and more importantly, do they have the emotional maturity to lean into a relationship? And I've been thinking about this a lot since One of the other shows my sweetheart and I have been binge-watching lately not really binge-watching we catch an episode or two Here or there is a show called Indian matchmaker Now, why is this important to this conversation? Indian matchmaker is about connecting couples of Indian descent not American Indian and What's interesting about that is one of the fundamental components of the matchmaking process is matching up to families together And it's really interesting to lean into that for a moment You know, what's the importance of having your family deeply rooted in the relationship? Well, the importance of that is That when there's struggles in the relationship, you have a foundation of support around you And again because we're meeting total strangers. We have to operate from a different level Of dating mating or relating if we want to create that foundation underneath us to support a series serious committed relationship Because you don't need much of a foundation for a casual relationship You don't need much of a foundation for a situation ship You don't need much of a foundation for a friends with benefits and let me share something with all you 90% of the relationships of those people are not married who are out there are most likely and this is just my Anecdotal perception are most likely in a casual relationship Situation ship or a friendship friends with benefits Relationship and many of you who say you're in a relationship with someone especially those long-distance ones Believe it or not. It really is most likely just a slightly glorified friends with benefits relationship Well, I'm here to encourage deeper commitment between two people and yesterday. I was pondering What does it take to become a relationship ready because this really leans into the secret weapon what gets a guy hooked? What's it take to be a relationship ready? So I I actually created This is a sloppy Notes I took yesterday. I was just pondering I Called the four stages of relationship readiness And I believe that it should happen in this order in particularly Um number one Healing childhood wounds and traumas healing childhood wounds and traumas which includes some level of personal development self-help spiritual work and therapy before one ever enters out in the dating mating and relating process some level of therapy or Personal development if you're not familiar with the work of the Hoffman process I talk about this book frequently This is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas for men and women alike So they can actually have the emotional maturity to lean into a relationship and remember I said in my ice relationship iceberg Emotional maturity is one of the fundamental Not a fundamental It's almost a necessity if you want a healthy happy relationship. Believe me Dysfunctional relationships are quite frankly a diamond dozen and when I say 90% of relationships are casual They're casually dysfunctional It's early morning, I can't speak properly Okay, so some level of relate to be relationship ready is that in that space of Actually healing from the past of childhood wounds and more importantly for those in midlife is healing your past Relationship with maybe an ex-spouse not healing with them, but healing within oneself I can't tell you how many women as well as men are still suffering from the wounds of their last Relationships and men and women alike tend to become bitter and jaded about the future That's one of the reasons why casual is support is the the norm because human beings want companionship. They want connection They want sex But do they want commitment? This is part of what we're gonna lean into in a moment number two is Clarity on the type of relationship you want is it casual or is it serious how to vet? Men and women how to vet if they're compatible with you This is the Indian matchmaker philosophy is is is vetting for compatibility and Also the second piece of that Or excuse me vetting for compatibility. This is what I teach in my private coaching by the way There's a link right here schedule a discovery call with me to see if coaching is right for you This is what I teach. This is my area of expertise The next area is how are you gonna meet this person? Well, there's a lot of coaches teaching that but again, they're teaching it on the surface level of attraction They're seeking they're teaching some simple skills to build attraction and Yet oftentimes what's missing is how to vet if this person is compatible with you and in my coaching We I focus more on a law of attraction base of attraction or excuse me how to meet someone And while online dating happens to be the predominant place people are meeting these days, it's where I'm at my beloved I'll be great. I'm very grateful for that By the way, I still have a lot of friends and and people in my clients who are meeting organically and Last and most important is how to maintain your relationship and make it thrive This is by the way, if you don't know this in advance, you are setting yourself up for another I'm gonna I don't want to say a failed relationship at a relationship that will end and let me say this if you've had enough experiences where a relationship You invest time in someone and it goes nowhere you invest time in someone it goes nowhere after a while That's gonna wear on your emotional well-being Folks I wrote my book. What the heck is self-love anyway? Here's a copy of the book There's a by the way, there's a link below in all the books. I recommend Jonathan recommend books why I'm talking about this for a moment It's a it's a it's not about dating a relationship. It's a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work So you actually don't you it's like a vaccination or an antidote to the emotional chaos That happens when we don't feel good enough. We don't feel likable. We don't feel lovable because ladies I'm here to say The reason why many of you are frustrated in the dating mating relating process and I'll share what gets gets a man hooked on you Is you give your power away to a man? You give your power away to a man often times I'm gonna share right now the seven ways women give their power away Because Until you learn to turn these around you will not get a guy hooked on you Until you've actually leaned into your empowerment Your sovereignty your self-worth your self-esteem your self-confidence if you and I'm gonna tell you most women give their power away to a man And without Stepping into your power It's gonna be rather challenging to actually get a guy hooked on you because relationship readiness I talked about starts from being in your empowered state That's why I continually recommend the book why men love bitches and bitch stands for babe in total control of herself. Yes, I Don't love everything in this book, but what I love about it is the idea is Listen a lot of dating rhetoric out there early out of advice out there Especially being taught to men is the one-up one-down advice that men are superior to you and you must be subservient on some level In fact, you should be grateful that a man wants you The problem with that narrative is it sets up really asshole guys To treat women like crap Without any regard of Syria if you want a serious or casual relationship and let me tell you something If you go in naively What's gonna happen Go in naively Would you go into a fire? Would you be go into a fire naively or would you want to put protective gear on? I think would you want to grab a hot pot from a stove with mittens or did you just go? That's okay I can just pick them up Having some intentionality is critically important before you ever enter into the dating process Because if you go in cavalier Lee or or naively You're most likely setting yourself up for failure and if you're watching my video now you have no excuse to go in naively All right, the seven ways women give their power away Number one the relationship is on his terms you abandon your standards and boundaries I can't begin to tell you how many women do this They abandon their boundaries because they're fearful that if they speak up a guy will run away folks in my book What the heck in my book chapter 9 if it's sincere and from the heart You can't say the wrong thing and I'm gonna add to that to the right guy Number two, you're afraid to speak your truth with him Again, that's that's also about not establishing your boundaries and boundaries I like the way Brene Brown talks about boundaries boundaries are simply what's okay, and what's not okay for me But I want to come back to standards for a second You have to make the choice is it a serious by the way? Is it a serious relationship you want or casual relationship because whenever you're talking to a guy and he says I want a relationship By the way, I was just watching a dating coach say ask the man Do you want a relationship? Well the word relationship can mean a lot of things I have a relationship with them with the person that my My barber or my excuse me hair stylist. I have a relationship with her I have a relationship with someone at the grocery store that I see regular basis. Those are all forms of relationship if you're not asking What type of relationship are you looking for and more importantly? What does it look like for you? Then it's a really there. It's an empty shallow question and most men will tell you they're not looking for a serious relationship. Why? Because they don't want to they don't want to make a promise they can't keep But ultimately if you weren't if you're not at least Okay, it's the world according to Jonathan my philosophy is this if a man doesn't know he wants serious He's hoping that somehow the person he's with will convince him otherwise instead of it's like I'll believe it when I see it. I'll believe it when I see it. I'll believe it when I see it versus when I believe it I will see it. You see the difference in that languaging It starts by build it and they will come meaning a man who wants a serious Relationship operates different from someone that's because he operates from that lust and limerence space Versus a serious space most likely number three When the relationship ends the focus is on him and not yourself in other words. It's always what he did wrong It's always this it's always that that's giving your power away when it's always about the other person number four waiting for him to initiate Contact by the way, many human beings are suckling on the nipple of I need you to like me so I can feel good about myself I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself I need him to contact me so I know he really likes me folks a Relationship is a too lame street two people traveling together at the same speed if you're not familiar with the book if The Buddha dated if the Buddha dated I highly recommend this book because it throws out all the bullshit gender rhetoric and Says how can we connect at a heart-centered? Centered level as two human beings not masculine and feminine energy because you know if you sit back in your feminine energy A man will just naturally gravitate and want you because that's all you have to do is sit in your feminine What a crock of shit that's all you know what you need to be is your empowerment That's it's not feminine or masculine your individual empowerment is not feminine or masculine By the way, here's another book. You may want to check out. It's called personhood It really throws out the bullshit gender rhetoric and says how do I connect to my soul as an empowered human being? That's my my my whole con my whole conversation Is centered around individual? Personal development empowerment before you come to me as a coach when you've done this work Then you then you want to learn how to vet better. That's where I come in Because if you don't know how to ask the right questions in the early states of dating to determine if he's serious or he's just casual Then you're setting yourself up for failure I created a course to work with women that designed to specifically focus based on their personality the critical 15 questions that must be asked okay 15 critical questions to determine compatibility Based on your personality because not everybody's the same Again want to talk to me about it schedule a discovery call Okay, another way fifth way women give their power where they stop doing their pre relationship life They're interest their activities. They change everything and morph to the guy number six Feeling like you can't live without him. Oh my god Jonathan. This is the only person. I've ever felt a connection with and Number seven you think the other person is the only person in the entire universe who will ever have chemistry with folks That is nonsense One person isn't the only potential love in your life Look at my sweetheart and I we had our fair share of first second third dates where we thought we had chemistry with someone We even had previous significant relationships in our lives, but ultimately We didn't give up our power What I appreciate most about this person this woman my beloved is That she stands in her power and more importantly It's kind of interesting because she intuitively knew how to read men through a lot of experience She learned how to read men folks. If you don't know how to read the other other gender It's gonna make it complicated and very difficult, but it's not just about reading them It's about reading their capacity and emotional maturity Because ultimately it boils down to are they serious or is it casual and your secret weapon? Is to be relationship ready to have this knowledge ahead of time So when you do meet someone you have chemistry with boom It's going to ignite if you share the same values Your lifestyles are blend of all and his he has emotional maturity. Is this sinking in is this resonating with you? Please let me know post a comment below. Please like this video Alright, I think this will be a great place to wrap up today. First off give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barragh of self-love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow. There's a teddy bear Give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it We could all use more love in our lives