 Hello everybody, welcome back to my channel. My name is Drew, and today's video is going to be a little bit of a different one. I am actually going to be opening up to you guys a bit, just about a struggle that I've been having for the past five years or so, and if you haven't noticed, I've been a little bit absent from my channel lately, and I know it's not too long. I've only been off for a little over two weeks, but for me, that seems crazy, because I'm such a consistent person, and posting on my channel is my highlight of the week. It is my favorite thing I look forward to every single day that I can get up and post a video is the most exciting day. So for me, not posting for a little over two weeks is a little bit crazy, and I am going to be taking just a little bit more of a break, and I figured I'd come on my channel and just kind of let you guys know where my headspace is and kind of just about my life and open up a bit more, because here in the channel, I've kind of kept everything very design focused, really fun, pretty things, room makeovers, and I absolutely love that, but there is another side of me that I haven't really shared with you guys, and I'm just gonna open up with you today. And I know that a lot of other people struggle with similar situations, and I figured we have a super supportive community here on Lone Fox, so I thought this would be really great to share this video with you guys, and you know, some of you out there might be able to find this video helpful. I might be able to find this video helpful just posting it, and I'd love to have the comment section kind of be like a nice little forum almost where we can help each other out, because mental health is something that is extremely, extremely important, and if you've never battled with it before, I think when you think about it, you don't think about it how strong it could actually be, but when you are in a mental health bind, it is such a mind game. Like if you have ever been in one, you guys would understand what I'm talking about. So over the past five years, I have been struggling with pretty chronic insomnia, like to and extreme you guys, and because of that, I also have developed a lot of just general anxiety, and it all started with a trip that I actually took to London. Before this, I was a fashion photographer. I was traveling all over the world. I was working with my good friend, Chris Sell. I actually worked for her a couple of years, and it was one of my most favorite experiences, but I actually had to quit the job because of what had happened to me. So I went to London for eight days, and this was not with Chris Sell, I actually went by myself, and I went to London and I didn't sleep for all eight days, and I had never, ever experienced having a sleep problem. I had never taken, you know, like even a sleeping medication, I'm like an over the counter, anything. I had never had problems sleeping at all. So for me to not sleep that first night, I thought it was kind of strange, but I was like, oh, you know, it's just jet lag. And then the second night, third night, by the sixth, seventh, and eighth night, you guys, I was hallucinating. I was having like out of body experiences. My heart palpitations were like insane. I think I was in like a constant panic attack for like three days straight. And when I, when I say three days straight, it was like morning and night because I wasn't sleeping for all three days. I was sitting in my hotel room, like wondering what was happening to me, and I just didn't know what to do. And it was just such a traumatic experience. And when I got back to the States, my sleep was literally just never the same. I have never had a night where I haven't had to think about sleeping. So every day is a pretty big struggle for me. Like I wake up with an obsessed thought about if I'm going to sleep that night. And that thought is in my head all day long. And the thing that takes out of my head is actually my YouTube channel and what I do. So, you know, when I'm DIYing or when I'm doing something I really love, my attention's focused on that. But the second that I'm not, or I'm not editing, or I'm not doing a makeover, and I feel like that's why I'm really controlling in kind of like my channel situation. I do pretty much everything myself is because I need to keep myself busy. I know that it helps my anxiety. And when I'm not doing that, my anxiety is starting to get heightened. And so I just hyper fixate on sleep so much because it's been so negative for me for five years. I'm very lucky to get, you know, six hours of sleep a night. I don't ever get seven or eight. And on a normal night, I'm getting like five and there are lots and lots of just really bad kind of speed bumps that I go through where I'm not sleeping the full night. If I was to tell you guys when I did that fall makeover in my living room, I only slept for three hours over the course of the three days of that makeover, but you really wouldn't know. And that's just because I've learned to hide it, but internally, I feel so internally tense and anxious if that makes sense. Like whenever I'm doing those, I feel like some people might also ask if I'm really, really tired when I don't sleep like this. And I have just been doing this for so many years that I feel like my body has converted the feeling of tired into an instant feeling of anxiety. So I will tell you guys that I have not felt tired in probably two years, which sounds very strange. I don't get tired. Like if I fall asleep, I'm normally like pretty wide awake feeling. And then it's just like, I wake up and oh my gosh, I thankfully fell asleep. It's just not fun, you know, like when I'm painting I'm just in the back of my head. It's like, are you gonna sleep tonight? No, you're probably not. And that's just my brain playing mind games on me. And yeah, so that is kind of my scenario that I've been in. So I know that was a little bit of a long story, but I really wanted to kind of paint that picture for you guys just to let you know where I am. And the past couple of months have just been a little bit more challenging for me. I've just been sleeping less. I think it's just because, you know, I was working more. Holiday time is always a little bit more busy in any social media influencers life, you know, there's more brand projects to work on. There's more content to create. And holiday is just like a big season anyways. And so I honestly just needed a little bit of a break, you know, I am, I've came to a point where like my insomnia is like controlling me to a T like it controls every single thing I do, you guys. Like I don't say the night at friends' places. I rarely, rarely travel. I've gone out of the country one time and it was only to Mexico just because it's on the same time zone, you know, and I loved to travel. It was my favorite thing. So like it just sucks how something in your mind can really just like everything just is negative about it, you know, like I've actually been to four therapists and I've been to two psychologists who wanted to put me on medication, you know, and all the whole nine yards, but I just really, and I'm totally for medication, but my anxiety, literally like I'll get the medications and I've been prescribed them before, you know, like an antidepressant or an anxiety medication. I've gotten it and brought it home and I'll just stare at it and be like, I cannot take this. Like my anxiety tells me not to because in my head I'm like, I'm going to get addicted. Like I'm going to need this for the rest of my life. And so I just kind of try to push through it. And then the anxiety is even worse because it's just like, oh, and it's just such an odd cycle. Towards the end of the year, I was kind of getting a little bit hopeless and like really desperate. I was like, what is like my sleep is getting crazy right now. And so that's why I kind of haven't been posting for the past two weeks. You guys, I've just been in such like a, just a funk, you know, and I found this book, I actually ordered this on Amazon. It's called set it and forget it. And it's by this guy named Daniel Erickson. He has a YouTube channel here called the Sleep Coach School and this book has never put sleep into perspective for me more. Like I absolutely recommend this book. This is in zero way sponsored at all. I bought this book myself on Amazon and it is just such an incredible book. I just want to read you a little bit of the back here. It says, most books about sleep give you the same old advice. Create a bedtime ritual, avoid screen time, cut down on coffee, blah, blah, blah. If that's a book you're looking for, then keep browsing the store. Set it and forget it teaches you something new. Read it and you will learn and understand why sleep hygiene is a trap, why everything you have tried in the pursuit of getting more sleep is a bad idea and why nothing you have tried has worked. And that is the case for me because actually I have this right here. This is my sleeping bin, you guys. This is my like sleep hygiene bin. So I have the most ever, like when I tell you guys this thing is filled, it goes all the way down and there's even like smaller products down there that I can't even explain. I probably have 60 to 70 sleep products I've tried in here and each time one doesn't work it goes in this basket and it almost reinforces the idea in my head that I don't know how to sleep. But this book has started to bring back the light that I do know how to sleep. It's just me putting in too much effort to sleep is costing me not to. And so I feel like I'm starting to get on a little bit more of a better path if that makes sense. And this book, and I've also been taking his sleep coach study as well. It has just been so impactful on me and I'm starting to feel like I'm getting into a positive mindset about sleeping. Like even when I don't sleep too much, which has been the case, you know, it's not just gonna all of a sudden be like, I'm sleeping 12 hours now. I'll sleep a couple of hours but my mindset when I wake up is in, oh my gosh, I didn't sleep too much. How am I gonna function? Like, am I gonna sleep tomorrow? It's kind of calm. Like I'm like, okay, you know, I slept a couple of hours. That's fine. I'll do better tomorrow night. And my mindset has just changed, which I'm hoping that the little shifts in my mindset, you know, will start to build over time and kind of put me in a better place. And you know, I feel like this experience has just had me living in a constant state of almost like scared. Like I'm always kind of scared and not wanting to explore life. It's kind of ruined some relationships for me. And it's just kind of challenging when some people also don't really understand your situation, you know, when I don't sleep a couple of days and I have to cancel on plans, it's not something I wanna do at all. But sometimes I have to just, so I feel a little bit better. And I think this is kind of why it's taken me a while to address this, is because I've always just really felt hopeless. And then I realized after kind of reading this book, I was like, you know, I have 1.3 million Lone Fox family members here on my channel that might have a similar experience or have might gone through something the same. And I was like, you know, why don't I actually ask and use my platform and kind of ask and seek for, not seek for help, but you know, just have a conversation about it in the comment section. I would love to do that because if this video can help somebody, you know, Daniel Erickson's videos, his has helped me so much already and this book has helped me. And if I can have this book, you know, reach somebody else or even this video gives somebody a little bit of like a positive message that they're not the only one going through this. Then I think that that can be really strong. And that's really why I wanted to create today's video and just let you guys know that I am going to be taking just a little bit of a break here on my YouTube channel. It's not gonna be for too long because this is what, you know, it's my anxiety fix, but I do wanna give myself a little bit of time to kind of breathe a bit and just digest the information that I'm learning, kind of focus on my sleep coach study as well and just move on with life in a more positive direction because I've always been such a positive person. If you look back on your life before Insomnia, you're like, wow, I had such an amazing life. And then you're always just in the state of like, wow, I'm not living my life how I used to and I don't know how to get back there. It just feels very hopeless. And I feel like I'm starting to find like a little bit of hope, which is really, really nice. And so I just wanted to come on here, open up to you guys. I probably blabbered back and forth and I hope that this video was digestible for you. Digestible, hmm, that was an odd use of terminology. Anyways, terminology, that was an odd term too. And you guys, you know, that was today's video. I just wanted to let you know where I am, where I've been and where I'm kind of going in the direction of and I'm really excited to get back here on my channel. I actually will still definitely be over Instagram and TikTok. If you guys want to follow me over there, I'll put it on the screen right over here. And that's just because those are platforms where if I do need, you know, like an anxiety fix or I do need, and I'm not saying I'm using my channel and you know, my Instagram is an anxiety fix, but it's fun for me to do something I love. So it's nice to divert my attention in that direction. And so I will still be on TikTok posting occasionally on Instagram. And you know, I only plan on being off my channel for about a month or so. If anything changes, I'll definitely let you guys know. But I hope to be back here in about a month. And I love you all so much. Thank you so, so much for the constant love and support. And if you have had any insight or anything in this video kind of rung a bell for you or just any thoughts, comments, suggestions, whatever it might be, leave them in the comment section below because I would love to read them. And I'm sure a lot of you guys would like to read them as well. So I'll catch you in my next one. Thank you guys so much for sticking through and watching today's video and I'll see you guys. Bye.