 Hey, LinkedIn land, Riffen, Shlomo Slack in here from Slack and Communication. We are here today to talk with you about something that might be affecting more of you than you might think. And that is, how can you listen without getting defensive? This is something that everyone struggles with in multiple relationships, whether at home with your spouse, significant other, children, family, and especially at work. And we found that the same things that are effective for couples in learning how not to be defensive can be applied in the workforce. So there's really three things we want to teach you today to be able to help you implement so that you will not have to get as defensive as normal in the workplace. Step number one is to mirror. And that means repeat back what the other person's saying, or if you think they're going to get annoyed, you can just be quiet and listen to it and take it in. The main point is to be present. To get out of your own head, out of your own thoughts about what you think about the situation and just be present in the other person's space to hear where they're coming from. So would that sound something like, so what I heard you say is, yeah, so you can, if you want to paraphrase it that way, so it doesn't look like you're doing some type of trick on them. What I heard you say is that, you know, I better hand that in by tomorrow, right? That helps you do actually do something tangible. And again, if you feel like you can't repeat it back, just call me brain and try to focus on the word just to make sure you're really understanding what they're saying, really being present. That will help you be less defensive and get to a higher place in your brain. Because if you think about it, a mirror reflects off of your image. So if someone's coming and screaming at you or yelling at you and you're starting to get really defensive, a really good protection for yourself would be almost like to serve as a mirror for that person. So they can almost hear the way they're talking to you and realize, you know, how loud they're being or how scary that might be coming across. They're reflecting. And at the same time, you're deflecting it. You're taking it off of yourself, not taking it personally by mirroring it back. The second thing is validation. And this is really important because validation really helps you understand that the other person has a story. The other person has a valid viewpoint, meaning that even though you have your own way of looking at something, it doesn't mean that there is not an alternative viewpoint that is equally valid. And it's a little bit harder for people to understand that you can really hold two realities at the same time. But that's to be in a mature relationship, whether in a marriage or in the business world, really being a mature, emotionally mature person is to be able to realize that I don't have all the answers. And I can think something that could be completely different than the other person and they're both right. So it's the truth with, not truth with a capital T, but the subjective truth that this is the other person's truth. And if I listen long enough, they're going to make sense. So I'm just going to listen. I'm going to validate them and let them know, you know what? What you're saying makes a lot of sense, not in a patronizing way, to really get into that space where you can feel that, that you can hear their perspective and they probably have a good reason for why they're feeling they do. And if they're not telling you the story behind their outburst or whatever they're sharing, just know and tell yourself that there's probably something deeper there that's provoking it. Nothing is just kind of a surface level. There's always something underneath that's, that's allowing for that type of expression to come about. I remember at one job that I had, we had this nightmare of a boss and she would come in and she just would be miserable and she wouldn't want to speak to anybody. And her screensaver was a dark, stormy cloud. And, you know, everyone used to make jokes about her. And what I found later was that she actually suffered from severe depression and she wasn't open about it at work. And we all thought she was just this evil boss, but really, she was really suffering inside. And so I realized that she makes a lot of sense in her world. And it makes a lot of sense the way she would be communicating with us or not communicating with us. Based on her own personal struggle, right? And if you don't know that, you can just easily judge or get defensive. So this helps you get less defensive by realizing their viewpoint doesn't need to take away from mine. Their perspective doesn't need to take away from my own personal truth. And then finally, empathy, really trying to get in the other person's world, trying to have compassion for them. And that looks like, I think, imagine you must be feeling really upset right now, really sad. Just try to be able to do that. When you can have compassion for another person, you don't need to be defensive because it's really not about you. Again, as you already learned in the previous stuff, it's about their story. And just be there for them, try to get in their shoes. What does it like to feel that way? And then because you're in their shoes, you're no longer in your shoes, you're no longer spending the energy defending yourself. So the three tips summarized are mirror, validate, and empathize. And empathize. And we hope that was helpful to you in learning more tips about how to listen without getting defensive at work. And if you have any questions, feel free to message us. We're always available to answer any questions that you might have about safe communication at work. Take care. Take care. Thanks for watching.