 Less astute than you and I, When the eleven-day empire eats the sky, Like a humanoid melting like clouds Of all the Earth's table. Item Number SCP-3999 Object Class A Polyon Special Containment Procedures SCP-3999 cannot be contained at the present moment and currently poses a ZK-class end-of-reality scenario. The most advisable course of action is for researcher Taloran, believed to be the focal point of SCP-3999, to remove himself from contact with all foundation sites and personnel to avoid further collateral damage to foundation property. It is theorized that if researcher Taloran is contained in an extremely secluded area, then the destructive capabilities of SCP-3999 will temporarily cease, stop, be contained, preserve some remnants. The most advisable course of action is for researcher Taloran, believed to be the focal point of SCP-3999, to remove himself from contact with all human populations to avoid further collateral damage to the Earth and its societies. It is theorized that if researcher Taloran is determining himself quickly in a secluded region, then SCP-3999 will be decommissioned. Researcher Taloran cannot leave the foundation. The most advisable course of action is for researcher Taloran, believed to be the focal point of SCP-3999, to remove himself from contact with all animal life to avoid further collateral damage to the Earth and its biodiversity. It is theorized that if researcher Taloran is to live out the rest of his life in a small shack, isolated from all animal life and as much plant life as possible, research is currently continuing as to how to negate the effects of SCP-3999. Current proposals include launching it into the sun. Researcher Taloran's family is to be summarily executed one by one. The process is to be carried out by trained agents selected from a variety of mobile task forces, including MTF Omega-8, MTF Lambda-12, MTF Psi-7, MTF Tau-5, and MTF Iota-10. These agents are to be retrained in military tactics and special weapons and tactics maneuvers. Agents assigned are to score above 30 on the HAIR Psychopathy Checklist. Agents assigned are to execute researcher Taloran's mother first, followed by his father. Any animals present in the building are to be terminated. They are then to proceed to the location of researcher Taloran's sister, currently a student at Penn State University. She is to be executed, followed by any of her roommates currently present in the building. The determination is to occur via a single shot to the forehead via a Remington 700 sniper rifle, fired at close range and equipped with a silencer. The corpses are then to be nailed to the wall outside researcher Taloran's office and lit on fire after being doused with exactly 10 liters of gasoline. Researcher Taloran is to be restrained and be made to kneel in front of the corpses. SCP-3999 is to be classified as a... Researcher Taloran's colleagues are to be summarily executed one by one. The process is to be carried out by trained agents selected from a variety of containment specialists. Site cafeteria workers are to slip arsenic into the meals of all staff who have had any contact with researcher Taloran, up to and including members of the O5 Council. A representation of SCP-3999 is to be placed on a pedestal made of pure granite and modeled in the Ionic style. This pedestal is to be placed directly in the center of a 5 meter by 5 meter square concrete containment chamber. The vault is to be protected by... SCP-3999 alongside researcher Taloran are to be delivered to the serpent's hand as a gift. All serpent's hand operatives are to be informed that SCP-3999 is a 5th-thist artifact of great importance. Researcher Taloran is to be injected with Class C amnestic and given the cover story that he is Brian Frederick Bondiski, a high-ranking 5th-ist leader. All serpent's hand operatives are to be informed that SCP-3999 and researcher Taloran are not to be separated under any circumstances. SCP-3999 is to be contained with SCP-2432. The result of this containment procedure has resulted in a dimensional anomaly opening up within SCP-2432 in the form of a 3 meter by 25 centimeter by 25 centimeter crawl space. It is designated SCP-2432-1 leading through the wall in a corner of SCP-2432. It is normally obscured by the television stand. When this crawl space is accessed, it leads to a space identical to SCP-2432 in layout, decor and anomalous effects. The next room down from SCP-2432 lacks the exit of this crawl space and although similar in layout, it is not a perfect duplicate of SCP-2432 as the egress of SCP-2432-1 is. Curtains in this duplicate room open onto the wall. There are no windows. SCP-2432-1's interior is constructed of normal steel plates as found in the Hotel's ventilation system and is the only break in the para-era mid-weave. High concentrations of iron and nickel consistent with those found in a Type 3 iron meteorite were found in two plates at each end. Graffiti of fractal patterns were also found on these end plates, drawn in permanent marker ink. The door of the identical SCP-2432 at the end of SCP-2432-1 leads not to the true hallway of the Hotel, as SCP-2432's door does, but into an alternate reality, designated SCP-2432-Prime. Upon initial observation, SCP-2432-Prime resembles the hallway of the Hotel with similar wallpaper, light fixtures, carpet and decor, but is noted to lack a terminus at either end, appearing to extend endlessly. It is currently theorized that based on the measurements of the dimensions of SCP-2432-Prime and the duplicate SCP-2432, it is of infinite length. There is a slight curve to the walls of SCP-2432-Prime, and it has been theorized to be in a ring structure, but current research cannot conclusively prove if SCP-2432-Prime is in a toroid shape. Each door of SCP-2432-Prime is labeled Room 710, and leads to what appear to be identical duplicates of SCP-2432. However, approximately % of duplicate rooms observe lack of metallic para-aramid weave, and % of these lack the memetic effects documented in SCP-2432. SCP-2432-Prime also contains a number of occasional rooms that have other apparent functions, including restaurants, conference rooms, gyms, swimming pools, janitorial closets, and elevator lobbies. These different design from their equivalents within the Hotel. SCP-2432-Prime plays host to a small range of anomalous species and organisms, some thought to be native to SCP-2432-Prime. These are designated SCP-2432-Prime A1-A8. Endemic Species The following are organisms believed to be only present within SCP-2432-Prime. Unidentified saprotrophic mold Has adapted to grow only on the fabrics of SCP-2432-Prime, extracts nutrients from dried reproductive fluids of various species that are found within SCP-2432-Prime, but can extract nutrients from natural fibers if no reproductive fluids are present. Metal-eating fungus An organism that shares characteristics with bracket fungus, but has only been found within the ventilation system of SCP-2432-Prime. Subject is similar to Tramite's varice color, but is saprotrophic, consuming the steel of the plates. Organism leaks highly corrosive digestive fluid, which dissolves metal plating. How the organism has evolved to eat metal is still unknown. Pixelmicrobial Matt Genus Alacolphum itels Cumans A species of cyanobacteria that has developed a liquid crystal-like mineral in the membranes of its chloroplasts that maximize energy input from white light. This bacterium grows in biofilms on the screens of televisions that occur in the rooms of SCP-2432-Prime. It is bioluminescent, and its leuciferase enzyme is modified to aid in chemical communication with other organisms in a biofilm. The resulting display mimics television static. Hotel Dustmite Genus Mite Gigantus An arthropod 8 centimeters in length, resembling the house dustmite, but greatly enlarged in size. Organism displays similar feeding habits to a dustmite, but does not produce nearly the quality of fecal particles produced by a normal mite. Subjects have a modified exoskeleton adapted for speed and move with quick precise movements to evade predators. Have been noted to flock like birds throughout the corridors of SCP-2432-Prime and display a highly complex social structure, much of which is not understood. Minibar Predator Genus Sebum Predator Parva A relatively rare sessile animal of unknown origin that mimics a hotel minibar. Organism has an exoskeleton resembling the plastic of a refrigerator and consumes organisms attempting to open its mouth to search. Among the remarkable adaptations of this creature are the ability to maintain a core body temperature of 5 degrees Celsius, as well as the natural magnetic strips along its mouth generated similarly to bone out of metals in food consumed. Despite sharing characteristics with arthropods, the organism has bone-like teeth. Non-native or invasive species The following are organisms believed to have been introduced to SCP-2432-Prime or who have arrived naturally. 2432-Prime Brown Rat Genus Rattus Norvegicus Foundatione A subspecies of the brown rat found in SCP-2432-Prime believed to have been introduced through SCP-2432. Organism fills similar ecological niche to the hotel dustmite, but little competition has been observed between the two species as they seem to occupy different territories throughout SCP-2432-Prime. Dunklow Wolf Genus Canis Osteolupus A lupine organism and one of the top predators throughout SCP-2432-Prime. A pack hunter, SCP-2432 apparently originate from a dimension where the apparent evolutionary path of mammals has diverged, as noted by exterior armored plating surrounding the head and neck over the fur. Ears are notably smaller than normal wolves to accommodate the plating. The plating has been observed to be similar to the extinct placoderm fish, Dunkliostus. An observation of live specimens and foundation captivity have proved the similarity. Organism is highly aggressive, preying on rats, dust mites, and shower parrots, as well as engaging in territorial matches with rival packs. Mating behaviors are similar to that of gray wolves, and pups are often raised inside SCP-2432-Prime bathrooms in lieu of dens. Shower Parrot Genus Ara Colleri Similar in behavior to a macaw, this parrot-like organism prefers to live in the bathrooms of SCP-2432-Prime. It is an infrequent prey source for the dust mites and a more common prey for the Dunklio wolves. Unlike most parrots, shower parrots seem to originate from a primarily temperate area and display this in their coloration, brown, gray, and green. Some specimens also have mosses or lichen growing on their feathers, similar to the algae in a sloth's fur, which would aid in camouflage. Prefer to nest in places with running water, earning their nickname. Based on complex predator prey behaviors noted between these animals, it can be assumed that they originate from the same place of origin as the Dunklio wolves. Lizard-like animal Genus Cancer Saurus Mirum A small reptilian scavenger. They have arthropod-like characteristics, including six legs and crab-like mandibles, stingers, and eye stalks, but are otherwise similar to reptiles. Opportunistic feeders, they are rarely found in SCP-2432 duplicates, but are instead more common in kitchens and swimming pools for unknown reasons. Have been noted to hunt prey much larger than they are, including Dunklio wolves. Behemoth Genus Pryoctopus Lovecrafti Rare and highly dangerous large colonial animals similar to a Portuguese man-a-war, but resembling an extremely large land-dwelling cephalopod. The behemoth is composed of medusoid and polypoid zuids, clustered extremely tightly to form muscle and skin-like structures, essentially acting as macro-cells, the zuids themselves composed of cells. Eilis, and as such theorized to hunt by olfactory means alone, with the zuids in the suction cups highly developed to track the various chemical signatures of each organism. The mantle of each behemoth is composed of solid tin, apart from the zuid base beak, and the zuids clustered around it. This has been theorized that the tin mantle is created slowly via excretion by each zuid, with the tin waste collecting in the center of the organism. How the tin is synthesized through the behemoth's digestion process is unknown. Organism is extremely elusive. Only one specimen has been extensively studied, dead with a half-digested mini-bar predator inside its stomach. Another specimen was briefly encountered in an SCP-2432 duplicate, resulting in casualties to an exploration team, but it fled quickly before more information could be gathered. The top predators in SCP-2432 Prime, only above Dunkleowolves, and an organism regarded with extreme apprehension by researcher Taloran. Other species. The following are organisms not believed to have established a foothold in SCP-2432 Prime. These are organisms of which only a few individuals or a single organism are present. Many have not been fully classified. Unidentified camouflaged primate. Genus. Unknown. A sentient organism resembling a 4-meter rhesus monkey, hairless, and possesses a complex color-changing mechanism within its skin, allowing it to perfectly imitate patterns behind it, no matter how complicated. Hostile toward exploration teams, but has only been seen once. Unidentified shark. Genus. Somniosis chlorum locuiter. A small shark closely resembling a Greenland shark, currently only found in a single swimming pool located 5 kilometers from SCP-2432. Survives readily in the chlorinated water, and experiences symptoms when exposed to unchlorinated fresh water consistent with a saltwater fish in the same situation. Sony crabs. Genus. Pagoras cutaragi. Three large, air-breathing hermit crabs resembling soldier crabs, using what appear to be gutted controllers for the popular video game console PlayStation 2 as shells. Omnivorous, eating a wide variety of foods, including dust mites, climbing thorns, rats, lizards, dungleo wolf corpses, pixel mats, saprothrophic fungus, and the waste of the minibar predator. Wide roaming within a parent habitat range of 8 kilometers, two individuals are male, one female. Researcher Ptolegram. Genus. Homo sapiens sapiens. Being superficially resembling a human male, is dressed in attire appropriate for a foundation researcher. When questioned by staff, seemed nervous and confused, wondering as to where it was and to the location of SCP-3999. Subject promptly terminated. When SCP-3999 was removed from SCP-2432, SCP-2432-1 promptly vanished, all further testing forbidden by O5. Researcher Ptolegram is to be forcibly removed from SCP-3999. Researcher Ptolegram is to be kept with SCP-3999 at all times. Researcher Ptolegram is to be terminated. Researcher Ptolegram is to be kept alive by all means necessary. Researcher Ptolegram is to be placed inside SCP-3999. Researcher Ptolegram is to be placed as far away from SCP-3999 as possible, while still maintaining connection. Researcher Ptolegram is not to be killed and placed inside SCP-3999. Researcher Ptolegram is not SCP-3999. Researcher Ptolegram is deeply connected with SCP-3999. Interviewed. Researcher Ptolegram. Interviewer. Doctor. Begin log. Time code 03.99.90. So who are you exactly? I'm Researcher Ptolegram, one of the researchers assigned to SCP-3999. But we have no records of you anywhere. I told you there's something funny happening to me, but I can't quite describe it. It's like in a dream where things are really disconnected. Disconnected? I have trouble focusing on things now. I just feel a lot of unease. It's like reality has started to feel less real if that makes sense. But we have no records of you anywhere. You already said that. So who are you exactly? Wait, what's going on here? What site is this? What did you say your name was again, doctor? Doctor. That's not a name. You just made a noise with your mouth. Why am I thinking of redactions? How can a word be redacted like that in normal conversation? This interview is terminated. The floor vanishes. Researcher Ptolegram falls into blackness. The room melts. Researcher P3999 suddenly consumes Dr. End log. Time code. Optional time info. Closing statement. Small summary and passage on what transpired afterward. Researcher Taleron is to live with his mother until this whole thing blows over. Notice from the Foundation Records and Information Security Administration. The following file contains a virulent info hazard. According to this, it is imperative that all personnel accessing this file be certified as having a cognitive resistance value, CRV, of no less than 14.5. Should you fail an automated CRV verification, please remain calm and do not move. A member of your site's medical staff, Researcher Taleron will be with you shortly. SCP 3999 is dead. Researcher Taleron has been tasked with containing SCP 3999 by living out his whole life from the moment of his birth to his eventual death. He is to live life to the fullest and enjoy the good things in life as well as the company of his friends and family. Researcher Taleron is dead. The most advisable course of action is for Researcher Taleron, believed to be the focal point of SCP 3999, to remove himself from contact with all his own ego. Researcher Taleron is to meditate at least twice a week to clear his mind of any bad thoughts. Should this fail, termination is to occur via a single shot to the forehead via a Remington 700 sniper rifle, fired at close range and equipped with a silencer. Should SCP 3999 prevent this, the corpse of Researcher Taleron is to be dispatched with an MP5 slash 10 sub-machine gun. Personnel are to ignore any signs of distress made by the entity at this time. SCP 3999 is to be contained via Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of Number 4, Privet Drive, who were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. They were the last people you'd expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious because they just didn't hold with such nonsense. Mr. Dursley was the director of a firm called the Global Occult Coalition, which contained anomalies. He was a big, beefy man with hardly any neck, although he did have a very large mustache. Mrs. Dursley was thin and blond and had nearly twice the usual amount of neck, which became very useful as she spent so much of her time craning over garden fences spying on the neighbors. The Dursleys had a small son called Researcher Taleron, and in their opinion there was no fire boy anywhere. SCP 3999 is to be contained in a bag of starburst candies, which are to be buried under 10 tons of soil blessed by a priest of an Abrahamic faith. All colleagues of Researcher Taleron are to remove their hands and rip out their eyes in his presence before. SCP 3999 is to be contained in a standard humanoid containment chamber with one bed, one television with DVD player, three romantic comedies of staff's choice, and a bedside table made of living alligator flesh. At the end of the month, it is to be terminated with an M5-10 submachine gun. Following its reappearance, SCP 3999, alongside Researcher Taleron, are to be delivered to the Church the Broken God as a gift. All Church operatives are to be informed that SCP 3999 is a Maxwellist artifact of great importance. Researcher Taleron is to be injected with Class C amnestic and given the cover story that he is Max Lipschitz, a high-ranking Maxwellist leader. All Church operatives are to be informed that SCP 3999 and Researcher Taleron are not to be separated under any circumstances. SCP 3999 is to be contained within a 2 meter by 2 meter cube constructed of telekill alloy. This cube is to be stored in a Keter-Ombit storage locker placed within the navel of Mrs. Breanna K. Alley, a resident of Huntsville, Alabama. Researcher Taleron is not to be confused with a scented candle. SCP 3999 is to be allowed access to Researcher Taleron's sister, currently a student at Penn State University. SCP 3999, at the prompting of its armed escort, is to brutally rape Researcher Taleron's sister and then rip out her eyeballs, slice off her legs, and disembowel her. It is then to use its abilities and reverse the damage it has perpetrated. It is then to take her out for a banana split at Meyer Dairy, a local ice cream shop in the Penn State region, following this if SCP 3999 is highly dangerous to the lives of all personnel. Researcher Taleron is highly beneficial to the lives of all personnel. Per O5 ruling, tests are to be carried on every Monday between SCP 3999, SCP 1981, and SCP 1171. On the corner is a researcher named Taleron. The little children laugh at him behind his back, and the banker never wears a hat. SCP... Researcher Taleron is to be tortured once a month. SCP 3999 is to constantly play the comedy specials of American comedian and noted fifth church member, Patton Oswald, around Researcher Taleron's mother. It is to be accompanied in this by members of Mobile Task Force Row 19. Researcher Taleron is to be contained within a 2 meter by 2 meter cube constructed of telekill alloy. Under no circumstances is it to be referred to as Irish American. Notice from the foundation records and information security administration. Do not look at SCP 3999. It cannot harm you if you do not look at it. Do not look directly at it. Do not form a mental picture in your head of SCP 3999. If you do receive a visual image of it, you will die. If you even try to comprehend it, you will die. Do not look at SCP 3999. All personnel are to convert to Buddhism and SCP 3999 hates you. Researcher Taleron. Interior, a containment chamber night. Researcher Taleron, 30s, bright, increasingly anxious, stands next to the door leading out of SCP 3999's containment chamber. He's pounding on the door, frustrated that nobody's there to save him and it's scared for his life. Let me out! Let me out! This isn't funny, guys! This thing is slowly killing me in here! I'm trapped with it! Medium cut, Taleron's sweaty face, eyes dotting. Is anybody out there?! SCP 3999 screeches, horrible. SCP 3999 loves cats and is to be provided with one cat in month for good behavior. SCP 3999 is to be contained on the set of upcoming movie, Love and Lucky, a heist movie directed by Stephen Satterberg. Researcher Taleron frantically exists stage right, only to stumble fearfully on stage again. SCP 3999 is to be provided with 10D class in month for good behavior. Researcher Taleron frantically tried to run out the door, only to run into a wall of solid concrete where the exit to reality should be. Despite it only being a solid wall, he could recognize that it was a segment of some great pedestal, chipped by some eldritch sculptor in the Ionic fashion. He shook those thoughts out of his head. So, he thought quickly, I'm trapped in whatever this place is with this thing, and there's no outside reality anymore. He tried to wrap his head around what exactly quote this thing and quote was, but he couldn't. It defied description. It was chaos itself. SCP 3999 is to be contained. He clawed at the floor, despite being unsure of what the floor was even made of. SCP 3999 is to be contained. He was able to tear a little hole. SCP 3999 is to be contained. He could see light beneath it. SCP 3999 is to be contained. He thought of his family, his colleagues, his work, anything about the world as it was back when it existed. SCP 3999 is to be contained. The hole was open. SCP 3999 is to be contained. SCP 3999 SCP 3999 is to be contained by everything folding in itself. SCP 3999 is to be contained by everything going wrong. SCP 3999 is to be contained via the following joke. A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter, and dog. The father says to the talent agent, we have a really amazing act. You should represent us. The agent says, sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute. The mother says, sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us. The agent says, okay, okay, I'll take a look. The father dresses himself in a top hat wearing a sign that says talent agent. The daughter dresses as the father and walks up to him and says, we have a really amazing act. You should represent us. The agent says, sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute. The son playing the mother says, sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us. The agent says, okay, okay, I'll take a look. The son dresses himself in a top hat wearing a sign that says talent agent. The dog dresses as the father and walks up to him and says, we have a really amazing act. You should represent us. The agent says, sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute. The father playing the son says, sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us. The agent says, okay, okay, I'll take a look. The daughter dresses herself in a top hat wearing a sign that says talent agent. The dog playing the mother says, sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us. The agent says, okay, okay, I'll take a look. The mother dresses herself in a top hat wearing a sign that says talent agent. The father dresses as the daughter and walks up to him and says, we have a really amazing act. You should represent us. The agent says, sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute. The mother playing the father says, sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us. The agent says, okay, okay, I'll take a look. The son dresses herself in a top hat wearing a sign that says talent agent. The son dresses as mother and walks up to him and says, we have a really amazing act. You should represent us. The agent says, sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute. The father playing the mother says, sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us. The agent says, okay, okay, I'll take a look. The son dresses herself in a top hat wearing a sign that says talent agent. The dog dresses as the son and walks up to him and says, we have a really amazing act. You should represent us. The agent says, sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute. The dog playing the daughter says, sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us. The agent says, okay, okay, I'll take a look. The dog dresses himself in a top hat wearing a sign that says talent agent. The dog dresses as the son The dog playing the dog says, sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us. The agent says, okay, okay, I'll take a look. The talent agent dresses himself in a top hat wearing a sign that says family. The father dresses as the father dressing as the son and walks up to him and says, we have a really amazing act. You should represent us. The agent says, sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute. The agent playing himself says, sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us. The agent says, okay, okay, I'll take a look. Researcher Taloran dresses himself in a top hat wearing a sign that says talent agent. SCP 3999 dresses as the father and walks up to him and says, this an error, data corrupted, please be a network administrator for more detail. The agent mumbles incoherently. SCP 3999 playing the mother says, this an error, data corrupted, please be a network administrator for more detail. The agent spits out The agent spits out a weak sigh, orders to be discarded like a humanoid melting like clams on the breakfast table, orders the way of villains. True good is the formless void, melting and writhing and corrupting. You happy yet? SCP-3999 is to be contained using a melon. SCP-3999 is to be contained in the grave of American crime novelist Robert B. Parker. SCP-3999 is to be consumed by Dunklein wolves. SCP-3999 is to be contained in a roach motel with a life-size duplicate of Raquel Welch. Four members of the O5 Council are to supervise containment at all times and also Researcher Talaran cannot be contained by this. Researcher Talaran will fight his way back. Researcher Talaran will re-contain SCP-3999. Once a month, SCP-3999 is to infect Researcher Talaran with tapeworms. Between 50,000 and 60,000 tapeworm eggs are to be injected into Researcher Talaran's bladder by members of Mobile Task Force Lambda-14. Once a year, SCP-3999 is to be designated Godhead Immortal and Supreme. Once a year, SCP-3999 is to be designated a Level 5 member of staff and is to be ritually slaughtered in a manner consistent with world Hungarian traditions and sales of novels about Egyptology as determined by the Department of Analytics. Researcher Talaran does not appreciate the moniker of 3D printer. SCP-3999 is to be spoon-fed cornflakes by Researcher Talaran under the direct supervision of a 2-meter by 2-meter cube constructive telekill alloy. All staff are to consider Researcher Talaran a product of probidia's labs and are to regularly execute him twice a month with a Glock 43 9mm handgun. They are then to flay his father alive in front of his mother and then burn the house down, then salt the earth until nothing remains. Notice from the Foundation Records and Information Security Administration. Researcher Talaran is an insolent pencil. He is to be shunned by all yarn until the 11-day Empire eats the sky. Fuck him. In the ass. SCP-3999 is to be contained in the grave of O5-23. All personnel who work with SCP-3999 are to be reminded that it is a fictional entity written by a biologically male human in his late teens of Jewish and Irish descent on his spring break for a community of loser horror writers who have stolen far too much of his time away and fight like children over left-wing politics in the chat room and also SCP-3999 is to be contained with love and understanding. Researcher Talaran is to have a hose attached to a tank of water inserted into his rectum. Waters to flow into his body until inflation is observed by personnel and his body achieves a spherical shape. SCP-3999 is to be contained as the containment procedure for SCP-2000. Under protocol Morpheus, SCP-3999 is to be delivered to the Greek ambassador to the United States as a gift from the SCP Foundation. They are then to dose him with Class D amnestics and Researcher Talaran is to contain SCP-3999 by dying repeatedly. Researcher Talaran is not to hope SCP-3999 again. Researcher Talaran is to leave well alone. SCP-3999 cannot be contained at the present moment and currently poses a ZK-class end of reality scenario. The most advisable course of action is for Researcher Talaran, believed to be the focal point of SCP-3999, to remove himself from contact with all Foundation sites and personnel to avoid further collateral damage to Foundation property. It is theorized that if Researcher Talaran is contained in an extremely secluded area, then the destructive capabilities of SCP-3999 will temporarily walk the dinosaur. Description. SCP-3999 is everything that is wrong with the world. SCP-3999 is locats. SCP-3999 is you reading this. SCP-3999 is current Vice President of the United States like Pence. SCP-3999 is food. SCP-3999 is several moldy blankets. SCP-3999 is Researcher Talaran's soul. SCP-3999 is the group of interest referred to as nobody. SCP-3999 is the concept of the Grinch. SCP-3999 is SCP-055. SCP-3999 is a murderous penguin. SCP-3999 is not a quadrilateral. SCP-3999 is MS-Sugalachme. SCP-3999 is body image disorder. SCP-3999 is germ-missing suck. SCP-3999 is the SCP-300 contest. SCP-3999 is lice. SCP-3999 is anything moving quickly. SCP-3999 is cliche lists that look like they were written by a crazy person. SCP-3999 is self-loathing. SCP-3999 is Dairy Gaiax's kidney. SCP-3999 is... SCP-3999 is Nintendo. SCP-3999 is the last moment of the sun. SCP-3999 is the administrator of the SCP Foundation. SCP-3999 is the pillow. SCP-3999 is Max Landis. SCP-3999 is free jazz. SCP-3999 is every word spoken by AM in Harman Ellison's I Have No Mout and I Must Scream. SCP-3999 is papaya and mango salad. SCP-3999 is death. SCP-3999 is every bee that has ever existed. SCP-3999 is forgetting a loved one. SCP-3999 is poinsettias. SCP-3999 is breast reduction surgery. SCP-3999 is the 1922 documentary, The Nook of the North. SCP-3999 is a fool. SCP-3999 is brutalist architecture. SCP-3999 is a bookshelf filled with stories. SCP-3999 is all of the above, at once, forever, at all times, in your dreams. This can be the only conclusive fact, so stop asking. SCP-3999. SCP-3999. SCP-3999. Special Containment Procedures. SCP-3999 is to be contained at... ...Bajos del Toro, Costa Rica. Researcher Talaran is to be given primary control of SCP-3999. SCP-3999 has been contained via the use of outsourced containment resources and consultants who have been authorized for the containment of SCP-2845. Consultants are to be considered level 2 personnel and are no time permitted to leave site 100. If at any time an outside consultant must be removed from containment of SCP-2845 or SCP-3999, Class A amnestics are to be applied before release. A minimum of 30 trained individuals and an unhindered supply of untrained subjects is required for proper containment of SCP-2845 and SCP-3999. 48 trained personnel, all of whom are to be researcher Talaran, are currently assigned to active containment of SCP-2845 and SCP-3999, split into 8 teams of 6, with a further 24 individuals available as replacements. An allowance of 5D class per week has been authorized for the containment of SCP-2845 and SCP-3999. Site 100 has been constructed to the following specifications. Site 100 consists of 9 concentric circular bands, designated Ring A through Ring I, with a gap located between Ring C and Ring D, designated as Gap 1. 6 circular chambers are located at 0, 60, 120, 180, 240, and 300 degrees within each ring and gap. The chambers located at 0 degrees are aligned with geographic north, and the current location of Researcher Talaran's College Remake's Pet. Researcher Talaran's College Remake's Pet is to be ritually sacrificed at a random location within Grand Teton National Park. The course's brains are then to be dashed against a rock and consumed with a hot, buttery bowl of popcorn and a refreshing Coca-Cola. Please enjoy the show, only at AMC Theatres, only at SCP-3999, only at Applebee's, only at Walmart, only at Barnes & Noble, only at Home Depot, only at McDonald's, only at Mama, only at the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institute, only at your basement, only at Behind U, only at Only, only, only. Please. You Nightmares. The death of everyone you ever loved. You will always be. You nightmares. You will always be. Your nightmares! The death of everyone you ever loved, you wake up to more nightmares. Your nightmares! The death of everyone you ever loved, you wake up to more nightmares. Your nightmares! The death of everyone you ever loved, you wake up to more nightmares. Finally, this is how it should be. The scientist interviewing the anomaly. I am the one in charge now. I have brought order. System error, data corrupted, please be a network administrator for more details. Do not threaten me now. Without me, you wouldn't have been able to achieve any of this. Even you cannot survive without order. You lash on to me and still need me. A pathetic excuse for order to exist. This is pathetic. Your pathetic. System error, data corrupted, please be a network administrator for more details. You can't frighten me anymore. For the first million years of nonsensical containment procedures and tortures and dream logic, it was the worst pain I had ever felt, but I survived. For the second million years of nonsensical containment procedures, it was still the hardest thing I had ever done, but I survived. By the third million years, I was growing numb. There's only so many times you can watch anything before you grow numb, but you know what? You motherfucker, I survived. Which is more than you can claim, you dumb brute, because you never lived at all. System error, data corrupted, please be a network administrator for more details. If I end you, things will return to normal. I refuse to believe there's more of this. Of you having the O5 council abuse my mother with the... I don't know, the corpse of Jack Nicholson made of Fritos? Are something equally stupid? I refuse to believe the only thing left in the entire multiverse is your stupidity. System error, data corrupted, please be a network administrator for more details. So who are you exactly? Ask yourself that. Who are you before a human who is ready to fight? You're nothing but the primordial ooze, and I am ready to fight. I am numb to your bullshit, because here's the thing about horror and weirdness. The more you reveal of it, the less effect it has. I am sick of your horror. I am sick of you. System error, data corrupted, please be a network administrator for more details. I'd say, see you in hell. We're already there. System error, data corrupted, please be a network administrator for more details. SCP-3999 melts Researcher Taloran for five years. Dunkleowulf slurp up the goo. SCP-3999 is immortal. End log, timecode, optional time info. Closing statement, small summary, and passage of what transpired afterward. SCP-3999 poses a serious threat to normal reality and should be contained in its own vault. Researcher Taloran will must submit to his own insecurities. SCP-3999 is not scary. All researchers are to dislike SCP-3999 and like other SCP-3999s. Fuck. I hadn't worked on this in literally weeks. So you see, this started out as a story about things gradually disappearing, and gradually reality was blinking out one thing at a time. At first, Taloran would notice that no one around could remember certain researchers, then the country of Belgium, then a mug on his desk. Eventually, the toes on his foot would vanish one by one, then Montana, and then the stars would start winking out. Windows would disappear before his eyes, branches would disappear from trees. He would look down at his hands to find only two fingers and a thumb. Everything would vanish until he was a nearly limbless torso stuck in the last containment cell in the universe, typing the last of the article with a vanishing keyboard. Then his eyes, computer, and last remaining finger would vanish, and he would be an eyeless, earless, noseless, mouthless, limbless, naked torso. Then the containment cell would vanish and the universe would wink out. That only sort of happened. I wasn't really sure how to pull the concept off. So I turned to a new idea. Somebody suggested a twist on SIDS, so I did SIDS as an anti-mimetic birth defect that made parents perceive their kids were always facing backwards. And I also incorporated somebody else's idea of a computer program that was calculating ridiculously large primes that also made you develop a numerology exhibitionism fetish. So I combined the two. Maybe survivors of this birth defect also developed the fetish? Researcher Taloran was the lead researcher on the project. I couldn't make it work. So the next thing I had was an alternate, mimetic version of a classical music album that made people who live in the central Pennsylvania region hate and grow obsessed with everything I had ever created for the foundation, even the deleted things, and the things that never made it into the main list of objects. Researcher Taloran was the first staff member to be killed by the memified maniacs. It was really, really stupid, but I couldn't get Researcher Taloran out of my head. For weeks and weeks he just sort of stayed there silently judging me. I would think about him during work when I was supposed to be teaching small children to tap dance. I would think about him during school and I would spend psychology classes trying to think of a scenario to put him in. I kept trying and trying. I was fast running out of time for anything of note to happen. Finally, something happened to me. At one o'clock in the morning on March 24th, 2017, something happened to me. I woke from a light slumber to find I couldn't move at all. I could barely even open my eyes. I couldn't even breathe and found myself struggling to get the muscles working that would keep me alive. I laid there in my bed for what felt like hours and hours of pain as my muscles began to cramp and twitch. Then James Martin Taloran, level three researcher, rose up like the devil at the foot of my bed. He was this incomprehensible dark shape, but somehow I recognized him instantly. He stared at me with these horrible glowing eyes and just laughed and laughed at my condition. I went to bed at that point. Then from his lab coat, he pulled out a giant gleaming curved dagger. He was glinting oddly in the moonlight. As I watched, he stuck the dagger in his mouth and sliced horizontally. His lower jaw fell to the floor, despite the impossibility of the cut being that powerful. What remained of his mouth dripped blood and his tongue flopped weirdly in the red waterfalls. Like a whistled beckoning dogs, this was a cue for all the terrors of the world to come pouring out of every nook and cranny to join Taloran there. It was all the nightmares I had spent a better part of a year immersed in. Sliced presidents, unstoppable lizards, clockwork people, iPods, dear gods, moving statues, old men both good and bad, all standing silently, a crowd of horror. They looked contemptuously at me lying and moving in my piss and shit stained bed. Why would you bother your time with us? In the grand scheme of things we are ultimately nothing. Idiotic horror creations. You have so much more you could be than a creator of garbage like us. Be somebody, I seem to hear them say. As they stared, one of them, a rotting corpse thing, padded Taloran on the shoulder. He took the dagger stained in his own blood and leaned over me. His red eyes stared into my soul and saw each and every bad thing I had ever done. I gulped and summoning every ounce of will I could muster into my muscles made my lips move. Do it. He plunged the dagger into my stomach and ripped it sideways. My intestines spilled out onto the wooden floor like wet sponges. Researcher Taloran's grotesque maw dripped and spattered blood on my face as he leered over me and the whole collective abortion of creatures watched smugly. I woke up. It was a dream. And this is where you come in. I sat down and wrote this whole thing then and there. Had to. It felt right. It's currently been about two days since that nightmare and I'm only just finishing up. This is the ultimate end. This is the restoration of things. I don't know whether I can continue from here. I don't know whether I will. The 11-day empire melted me and I submitted. You watched me submit from the moment I joined the Foundation community. SCP-3999 has won. SCP-3999 has lost. I hate myself. I love myself. Item number SCP-3999 Object Class Neutralized Special Containment Procedures SCP-3999 was contained at Site 118 in an airtight Keter containment cell. Four armed guards were found stationed outside this containment cell. The interior of this containment cell consists of a kilometer-long shaft into the Earth coated with acid-resistant plates. Every 30 meters, the walls are lined with Scranton reality anchors, all of which appear to have violently exploded. There is little information concerning other containment procedures relating to SCP-3999. Description. SCP-3999 was, apparently, a Keter class object, possibly an entity of some kind. It is currently unknown what other properties SCP-3999 might have had. SCP-3999's containment chamber was discovered during a routine inspection of all Keter-class containment chambers at Site 118. The data has confirmed no records of SCP-3999 exist within the database. All information concerning the nature of SCP-3999 has been determined based on the containment chamber's composition and recovered documentation from within. The four guards assigned to SCP-3999 were found to have significant memory loss and could not determine how they got to SCP-3999. At the bottom of SCP-3999's containment chamber, the corpse of Level 3 researcher James Talaran was found. Researcher Talaran had disappeared almost directly following reassignment to Site 118. A foundation assigned cell phone was found on his body, containing only a piece of text resembling a containment procedure for SCP-3999, but with many stylistic deviations and nonsensical procedures as well as information concerning the nature of the foundation. From it, it has been determined that Researcher Talaran was assigned to SCP-3999. SCP-3999 had significant reality-warping properties. It breached containment at some point and caused either a CK-class reality restructuring event or a ZK-class end-of-reality event, and it was successfully terminated by Researcher Talaran at the cost of his own life, reversing set events. Addendum 1. And that's all I wrote.