 Have you ever been manipulated? If you have, you know how much it can hurt to be in that position. Manipulation is a form of abuse, and prolonged exposure to any type of abuse can have negative effects on our mental and physical health. So obviously we don't want this to happen. But how do you know if you're being manipulated? And what do you do if you are being manipulated? Let's talk about it. Recognize the tactics. Manipulations aren't one-trick ponies. They have an entire repertoire of strategies and tactics to make you do what they want. Psychotherapist Dr. Lee Phillips said in a Psych-Central article that manipulation isn't always easy to spot. In fact, at times it can be subtle, as someone may appear well-meaning toward you. Sometimes the manipulator gets so good at their manipulation tactics that it almost seems like a normal conversation. To protect yourself from their grip, it's important to know what manipulation looks like and how to recognize a master manipulator. One common manipulation technique is gaslighting. A 2021 research article published in Perspectives on Psychological Science defines gaslighting as the act of manipulating others to doubt themselves or question their own sanity. For example, remember in Pretty Little Liars how Ezra made up a whole new reality for Arya to believe in? Just like she started questioning everything after that. After dealing with a gaslighter, you may question your reality too. Manipulators also often use very specific manipulative phrases, which can make it easier for you to spot them. If you'd like to know what they are, we made a video on 10 examples of what gaslighting sounds like. Another manipulation tactic is being passive aggressive. Say you have a roommate and they always leave their dishes in the sink instead of rinsing them and putting them in the dishwasher. The first few times you saw this, you cleaned them to be nice. Now, your roommate leaves their dishes for you every day and night. Instead of being direct and asking your roommate to do their own dishes, a manipulator might say, Wow, you had a lot of dishes today. Or jeez, I was supposed to call my friend, but I'll have to call later since there's a pile of dishes to be cleaned. These statements don't directly tell your roommate how you feel and why, but they do hint at the fact that you're annoyed with something about the dishes. Some other manipulative mind games include the silent treatment, lying and denying reality, or using your insecurities against you. If you'd like to learn more about spotting a manipulator, feel free to check out some of our older videos on manipulation. Defending against manipulation. Spotting a manipulator is just the first step in protecting yourself. When their tactics go so far that you start feeling crazy or guilty, you should be able to react right away. Here are some powerful psychological techniques you can learn to fight off the manipulator. What are your boundaries? A licensed clinical social worker and therapist, Nedra Glovertwaab, said for Very Well Mind, letting people know that certain things are just not working for you is a really helpful way to take back your power, and this is where boundaries come to play. Expectations and needs that help you feel safe and comfortable in your relationship with others. Boundaries allow you to send a clear message as to what you are and aren't comfortable with. Think about what your boundaries are. What kind of behavior bothers you? How would you like to be treated? By stating these things, you can potentially stop manipulation in its tracks. No. No. And no. After you identify your boundaries, you should know how to stop the manipulator from walking all over them. Learning to say no is an important part of that. If you're having trouble with saying no and standing your ground, you may struggle with people-pleasing behavior. A 2015 study published in the journal Violence and Victims states that people-pleasing is often a response to trauma. It may stem from being raised in a household where your feelings were dismissed and neglected, and as a result, now you may be too afraid of other people's reactions. You don't want to feel like a bad person for saying no. Working with a therapist could help you understand and unveil your trauma, gain confidence, and push the manipulator far away from you. Me, myself, and I. Since manipulators want to make it all about themselves, you could turn the tables and make it all about yourself. Keep reminding them that you are a human being with feelings and that you won't let them dismiss that. There's a great communication strategy called I-statements. Those are statements that focus on your emotions, your thoughts, and your beliefs. For example, if a manipulator tries to dismiss your feelings by saying, it's not a big deal. You reply by saying, I understand that you might not see it as a big deal, but I feel bad about this situation and I think it's unfair. This type of communication is commonly used in relationship or family therapy, and a 2018 research article showed that it can be an effective way of reducing conflict and hostility. A trusted insight. Even though a manipulator might make you feel like you're all alone, this isn't true. Is there a close friend, a family member, a therapist, or even someone you met online that you trust? If you recognize some red flags and think you're dealing with a manipulator, talk to someone. Describe your situation and ask them for their opinion. If you both believe you're being manipulated, it may be time to think about creating distance from that person or speaking to a mental health professional for advice. The aftermath. You know the tactics and you know how to protect yourself from potential manipulation. How do you cope with the fact that you were manipulated or exposed to forms of abuse? Firstly, you should know that it is not your fault if a manipulator targets you. Kim Said, a narcissistic abuse recovery coach, also says that manipulators tend to specifically target trusting, loving, compassionate people who may lack boundaries due to their kind nature. Apart from that, manipulators often come from dysfunctional families or suffer from personality disorders according to the Mental Health Center of America. That's not an excuse for how they act, but it shows that you're not the reason for their behavior. If there's no way of speaking with the manipulator to set clear boundaries, it may be time to go low or no contact. Licensed psychologist Kate Ballastriere said in an article for Mind Body Green, if the other person continuously bulldozes your boundaries, going no contact may be a useful strategy. Working with a trauma-informed therapist can help you make the decision that is right for you. Final Thoughts. So now you know how manipulation tactics look, how you can defend yourself, and also cope if you've been manipulated. Hopefully you feel confident that you can get your life back on track. Once you're able to recognize a manipulator from a mile away, they'll never be able to hurt you again. Give this video a thumbs up if you found it helpful, and comment your thoughts down below. Don't forget to subscribe for more videos like this. Thanks for watching. Until next time.