 Hey, Psych2Goers! Have you ever stopped to think whether what you're feeling in your relationship is genuine? Perhaps you're thinking in a way that has you questioning your true feelings for your significant other. This video discusses the differences between a codependent relationship and authentic love to give an insight into what people may experience. But if you are having codependent thoughts, that doesn't mean you aren't genuinely in love with another person. What codependent may sound like? I need you and I know you need me. I can't love without you and I know that you can't live without me. What authentic love may sound like? I choose to be in a relationship with you and you choose to be with me. I enjoy being in your company and appreciate spending time with you. However, I am also happy having my alone time. I do not rely on you alone to make me happy. In a codependent relationship, there has to exist a level of dependency, either from one person or both parties involved. Making somebody else feel responsible for your happiness and your well-being is a form of emotional manipulation. Choice is an important factor in any relationship. When individuals feel that they are making a choice in any relationship, this allows an individual to feel that they have a sense of control. When people don't feel like they have a choice, this can cause pressure and individuals may feel trapped or that they cannot actively be in control of what is happening in their relationships. People should be in relationships with each other because they want to and not because they feel that they need to. Number two, dependent. What codependent may sound like? I need you to feel okay, otherwise I will not be okay. What authentic love may sound like? You are your own person and are allowed to experience feelings without judgment from me. People's feelings should not be dependent on others and this could come across as emotional manipulation because people should be free to experience their own emotions and feelings without being made to feel that they're moved or how their feeling is based on how their partner feels or that they should be okay in order for their partner to be as well. When your identity is based solely on people pleasing and you feel responsible for everyone's well-being, you might find yourself reacting to situations rather than by your own choice. Number three, communication. What codependency may sound like? You should know what I need. If I have to explain it to you then you clearly don't listen to me or understand me properly. What an authentic love may sound like? I will communicate my needs to you openly and not just expect you to know what I need. A codependent mindset makes it hard to communicate effectively as people are often unaware of their own wants and needs and when people are aware they may be reluctant to express them. Dishonesty can also develop as a habit when people are more interested in maintaining a sense of control than actually communicating. In order for any relationship to be successful individuals must learn to communicate honestly and effectively. Number four, support. What codependency may sound like? If you do not support me I will guilt trip you so you understand that I am not happy. What authentic love may sound like? I will ask for support from you and others when I need it. I will not take my anger out on you if you can't support me in the way that I need it at the time. Stress can play a huge factor in any relationship especially when there are communication and boundary issues. Codependent partners may feel insecure about being abandoned, being alone and not being supported by their partner. As a result they may end up taking their frustration out on their partners and blaming them unnecessarily which can cause relationship stress. Number five, boundaries. What codependency may sound like? I will blame you and shame you for not doing what I want you to do. What authentic love may sound like? I respect your boundaries and do my best to discuss them with you if I or step them. In the same way I will inform you about my boundaries and communicate how I want to be treated and spoken to. People in both roles in a codependent relationship tend to have problems recognizing, respecting and reinforcing boundaries. Having boundaries is about having respect for each other and recognizing that individuals are not responsible for other people's happiness. Setting and maintaining boundaries is an important skill that cannot be ignored in any relationship. Number six, control. What codependency may sound like? You would do what I asked if you truly loved me. What authentic love may sound like? I understand that there will be times when we disagree on things but that does not dictate whether you love me or not. We will communicate those differences openly and resolve any differences with love and respect. Typically neither person in a codependent relationship has very good self-esteem which will often involve seeking approval or validation from others and wanting to have a sense of purpose. If these factors are not met, this can lead to further insecurity, controlling behavior and emotional manipulation. And number seven, self-worth. What codependency may sound like? I need to feel wanted and needed by you. I don't feel valued by you if you don't show me that. What authentic love may sound like? I am valued and worthy without needing approval from others. My role is to be a supportive partner, not a therapist, more to try and fix other people's problems. One of the major signs of codependency is either feeling a sense of responsibility towards others to take care of them or expecting others to take care of us. An example of this may stem from childhood when the caretaker learns there may be negative consequences for failing to take care of a parent's needs. This fear of something bad happening causes people to take care of others rather than it being out of genuine affection, which may indicate codependency. Can you relate to any of these signs? Let us know in the comments below and share this video with others who might benefit. As always, the references and studies used are in the description below. Until next time friends, take care and thanks for watching.