 Hello. Hello. Hello. I did not burn down. I did not burn down It was just a fog machine and the fog machine killed the mic again Anyways, I'm gonna do this over on discord just in case those people don't have Let's try this again Close right. I also have I was about to say I I Changed the mic completely on me. Sorry knit was me I know. Oh, no, sorry. It was me. Yeah You're all right. You're all right and for anybody who I might have scared with the fog. I don't Turn the fog machine back on to make sure I mean it's not gonna happen again because I unplugged the other This is the problem for some odd reason Even though the fog machine is plugged into a different surge protector For some odd reason every single time I use it recently. It didn't always do this. You guys know I've been using that mic forever Every time I use the fog machine with the Yeti mic now It just dies. So it's a lesser quality. Yeah, I know. I'm sorry solvents I should I get I I tend to think that Everybody that's in here is in here all the time and that's not the case. So I apologize I truly truly mean that I didn't mean to scare anybody But Viking likes the fog machine. So I give him the fog machine The only problem with that is the Yeti mic does not like the fog machine. Oh Boy, Mr. Fogg if Viking turned on you you go Oh turn the fog sensor off in my control panel will do zoop. I just can't do it now that I'm live You understand. I'm sure you do I was like save the book. There's a fire. I didn't catch any of that. That's I'm sorry I really am sorry, but yeah the mic and the fog machine are fighting. I don't know why it's so weird It's a as soon as I click the button the sound goes out and though they're not connected whatsoever We do love we do love like God pounds you right here and now like What do you think about the whole book talk booktube thing? I don't fucks with it I don't deal with book talkers and I don't deal with anyone who considers them a booktuber It's just a weird I don't know it's a weird community and they're more about drama than actually reading So I don't I don't fucks with them pretty much Harder God wolf wolf. All right, so let's get back to things. I forgot where the hell we were We were talking about so many named does doosa We'll get there again. I know we're on YouTube We're not booktube. We're not a book to anything is they don't fucks with me. So I don't fucks with them. Thank you That's the that's the best reason Okay, here's some cool ones. Oh We're fucking hell Jake. Okay. What the fuck is booktube? It's YouTube It's when people have like pretty lights in the background and they got the fairy lights and they sit there And they talk about books like this and Hi Hello guys. How are you doing? So I read 92 books this month? I know it's been a slow month and I Really didn't like any of them because they all had characters. You know what I mean? That's booktube. Um, I only follow one booktuber founder on Instagram first. Yeah Some of them the fog goddess boggle. Yeah, I got I got boggled. I got boggled Exactly my point. That's the way I mean, it's yeah, that's what I don't fucks with them. They don't fucks with me. So Yeah, we're moving on before I get Room full of trolls in here because someone's ears itching. Oh my god that fat dudes talking about us Hillary Brittany. No, don't let him talk about us Shed look at my rainbow assorted Bookshelves that drive regular book lovers insane. I can never find a book But it looks so pretty Please make a video in this voice. No, I am not trying to do that The it wouldn't piss me off if they didn't talk down to literally everyone Um, it's like if you didn't read 4200 books this year, you are such a slacker. Like what are you even doing with your life? Hair toss Hashtag canceled. Yes. Um, all right. So we're gonna go over some horror movies and you have to tell me What that these are alternate titles for horror movies. You need to tell me what the actual movie is called I would like date the two I watched date. Oh Here's my hour-long review of happiness So god so good so good Get it lazy Lazy says these damn book would calm down jake. She's getting mad for real lately. Calm down. Calm down I don't know. I feel bad. I love rainbow bookshelves and fairy lights. What whatever It's it's not it's not about if you like that thing. There's nothing wrong with that at all whatsoever It's the the condescending condescending nature of their videos and how You know, if you don't do and love everything that they do and love you are such a terrible person Like why would you even consider breathing if you didn't read 63 billion books a year? Oh my god, drink bitch Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am That's exactly what it is Derek. That is exact and there's some dudes in there, too 100 percent some dudes in there. There's some day thems in there, too There's all the whole spectrum is in booktube wilding out constantly I we we well, I didn't really Challenge you guys, but I told you guys, you know do some homework and just type in drama booktube drama And there's days of pages of just Chrissy ass white girl sitting there going And then it'll be like booktube drama omg Mad face emoji All the thumbnails look the same. They got the big blown out font and she's just sitting there just looking upset Oh my god Oh my god Why why can't you read 22 trillion books in a year? Oh my god Anyways, oh my god What is this an alternate title of like for sure? Make them die slowly Woman from deep river. What's the actual name of the movie all don't be fucking stupid You better be reading right now as you're answering this question, too Audio books are not reading. Get your shit right Goddamn brad brad's right off the jump Really walking the charge of action What did I come Into I None of us can we weren't there nick. We don't know what you came into Oh, you brought out the pterodactyl in me, bruh First cannibal dvd in my collection smooth moves smooth moves Love you nick. How you doing brother These chats. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So This should be interesting. Let's see who gets this but probably damn near everybody's gonna get this one What are these alternate titles for you have to name the original name of the movie Or no one in here gets this hot sweet bookmark swag that i'm giving away to only two people Two people get this bookmark swag Sponsored by nocturnal readers box. How about that bitch? zombie And zombie flesh eaters. What's the original name of the movie? E that box Titanic mad living dead. I think I like this version of e what the sassy one. Yeah, none of the dead. No Happy feet. Correct. No, I'm kidding I doubt anybody's gonna get this one. I either thought it was gonna be way too easy or way too hard Zombie or zombie flesh eaters Zombie with just an eye two So yes, you were close Jimmy you were close, but it's the second one Red dawn. Hey rev. How you doing then? Thanks. Thanks again for the amazing fucking comment, dude. I appreciate you I love you. Uh, it meant the world to me and you literally brightened up my entire week So thank you for the amazing one Fightful goes what's almost at feeful. Oh the sacrolet. I grew up on fival Oh I'm so glad I started this. What the stream Good brother. All right I'm glad you're good. Um, okay, so Which movies alternate title was seven doors of death What is the actual title? seven doors of death Jay right out here booking like a turkey didn't give me nobody else a chance Nobody else by the way. Oh, yeah, it's hailey. Uh, hailey gets the double box this time from bookie Uh, erm, no clue. Yeah the rate So hailey gets a double box And now I'm glad that I didn't send any of these boxes out And you imagine me having to send back-to-back international packages That would have sucked bowls Honestly, it just my brain just sucks all the booty cheeks We're gonna go for another 15 minutes and then I at least need to take a break. Okay. I'm already at I'm already at You got the third question right? Well, not the third question, but you the third person to get Something right first. So you got you get extra in your box. So you're gonna get six books instead of three And you know so much j rod you do. Will you please air conditioning? Please turn on I am hotter than a hooker in church Ah No, brad. I I still got it. It's on the box So yeah, you're I'm just gonna rip yours open get a bigger box and put it in there Did y'all know that a medium flat rate box is up to 17 goddamn dollars? Did y'all know that I told you book. I I don't I don't lie. It's one thing. I might be wrong sometimes. I'm not always right I might be wrong a lot But I don't lie It is it's it's bad. It is absolutely terrible And the one with like the platinum Swoop and the glasses she's the worst of them. I don't know who she is but She's got like a bajillion subs and she is nothing but drama was it No, no, no, no, no, no, it was the one before this one Haley It was you. It was you. I promise it was you Do I have to scroll all the way back up? But Jayrod got this one correct this one, but you had already won previously Way back Hey, Sean, how you doing? Uh, no, like 11 was two down exactly lazy. They're up to 17 dollars now for a medium medium flat rate Uh ors. Don't get sick and chest Okay All right Yes, yes, you're fine. You you deserve it. Don't worry. I mean that was several questions ago though I just forgot to write your name down So all right, here we go This one might actually be hard. I key of the movie You mean horror story by grady Hendricks I Which movie had the alternate title? city of the walking dead Which store movie? Had the alternate title city of the walking dead. What was the actual movie called? Damn the inflation Yes, yes, you are correct Jayrod and solvents. It was nightmare city Made in Manhattan is correct. Also somehow that is also correct Sean. Congratulations You win everything that's in my hand right now. I'm about the lensy Yes, that is the director. Yes Okay, next one I don't know my horror movies. Well Then you need to learn no, I'm kidding. All right. So here's the next one What movie had the alternate title? The gates of hell What was the actual movie called? The gates of hell was the alternate title Too much House by the cemetery nope Demon wind that's when my cat farts As above so below that's actually a really good. That's a really good guess but that came long after this book This book was published in 2007 So it's oh, I don't even like saying the name of that movie Okay No one's got it. So in five four three two one Jayrod's right, but You had already guessed. Yes. You know that you know that. All right. Um Next one This one has how would the hell yeah Uh Where are you solvents? I don't see you I guess that I got that one. I thought all right. Hang on. Hang on. I'm looking I'm there's no prizes for this one. Anyways, so I do not see you Solvents is correct. You see him brad Okay, I'm sorry solvents. I don't I actually don't so this happens sometimes my apologies, but everyone else sees it So congratulations. Good job solvents for getting it right, but I actually don't see it I'm scrolling up because you're really easy to find too because you're one of the only Uh gray names in the in the chat. Yes, I know I have a moderator problem But I like to think of it as a feature and not a glitch. Um All right next up this one has two alternate titles Solvents is a gray. Uh, that's fine We we we welcome aliens in here too. I don't give no fucks Um, all right, so here we go These are the two alternate titles. Tell me the actual name of the movie cannibals in the streets Or invasion of the flesh eaters actual movie name I'm a cannibal in the street And an invasion of the flesh eater in the streets. No, whatever under the sheets or something Jake is correct. It is a cannibal apocalypse cannibal apocalypse the warriors cannibals Come out and play We only have a we only have a couple more. You're not dumb. Nick stop that You're not too dumb Just because you don't know every fucking horror movie in the world does not make you dumb Stop that I'm not even playing with you. Stop picking on yourself. It doesn't make you dumb Derek knows what's up. He's like, I don't know any of these either. Shit Stop There you go. I don't know any zombie. See you've got a whole bunch of solidarity a bunch of really bright smart Amazing people don't know don't know it either. So nick be nice to yourself man. Be nice to yourself All right next up What is the alternate we only have two of these left and then we're probably done with the games and then we'll just hang out, okay What it this is only one sorry i'm holding up two I've never heard of some of these damn movies. It neither of I neither I There's a reason I give joke answers exactly Yeah, zoop is definitely a stupid dummy face. So believe him when he says it, but you nick you're not dumb All right, we got two more of these So what was the what is what movie has the alt had the alternate title? Let me start over What movie had the alternate title of insane Unsane Yeah, no one here is stupid. No one Psycho that's a really good guess tie. That is a really really good guess solvents tenebra tenebrae tenebrew Chuckie's pride She was insane. She was insane Unsane in the membrane crazy insane. Chuckie's got no brain Teenage mutant ninja turtles secrets of the ooze Go ninja go ninja go go that I feel so bad that I love that song as a kid Listening to it now damn near gave me an aneurysm I was watching a teenage mutant ninja turtles to secret of the ooze with my youngest And we got to that part and i'm like i'm i'm gonna apologize up front for the song that's about to jump up And the person who's about to sing it We do not claim him He's a flash in the pan that boiled over Even later than he should Night of the living finger Space technic it is tenebra tenebrae tenebrew, but anyway solvents was correct. It's tenebrew Ray Yeah, the new the new one does look fun brian I can't whisper into the mic brad. I can't with the vagina tentacles Anyways last one last one Last one White ice cream dude. Yeah, vanilla ice. Yeah The one who stole under pressure by queen and david bowie And then said no, it's different because queen's version goes does And ours goes Bitch come on come on. All right, which movie had an alternate title of creepers What is the origin, what is the actual film's name? Jeepers, creepers, where'd you get those peepers? Yes, J-Rod is correct, is a phenomena, phenomena. Phenomenon. Phenomenon. Phenomenon. Phenomenon. Phenomenon. Phenomenon. Phenomenon. Phenomenon. Alright, I gotta get up and move around. Part of the reason why I am being as goofy as I am is because I'm hurting, it's my pain response so I gotta get up and move. I will be back and do you guys, I need to ask you guys, do you want to hang out or do you want to be done? Are you gonna say critters? I've never heard of it either, the janitor next door. Go stretch your back knee, hang out, hang out, hang out, yeah, that's plenty. Alright, so I will be back in ten, five to ten minutes so I'm gonna go walk around, probably in the rain too. I'm soaked when I come back because you guys make me wet. Okay, I'm back. I had to change shirts because I wasn't about to perform a one person wet T-shirt contest in here. Yeah, new top means it was wet out, yeah, I didn't want to be flashing my boobage all to y'all. They've gotten so small, man, I'm like barely, look, they don't even fit in my, this is me trying to grab them. Look at this. Look, ain't even a handful. Look, I've really got to squeeze. Welcome back front and sides. Can't show his jettles. Eli Roth needs to be put in prison for that. This is what I arrived to, hey JB, how you doing brother? I forgot the rain, I thought it said train there for a second. In my defense, it was five minutes ago. Fog machine, y'all want to try it, see if it happens with this, because if this dies, then, well, now watch the video of that woman again. Oh, you want, yeah, I'm good, how are you? I'm doing fantastic brother. Other than her, Brad is like, no. I don't think it'll happen with just this one. I think some kind of power overload surges into the computer, even though they're on separate surge protectors, it makes no sense. It's 100% stop it devilish bastard. Shut up. You just take them down, but I'm too lazy. Well, I was thinking about reading the story. I was thinking about closing out the night with that fog is always necessary. Let's test it. I mean, I can always start again. Let's test it. You can, I don't know why I'm playing. You can hear the fucking fan in the background. Let's try it one more game. Just for Viking. Let's try it one more game. Fog means paranormal happening. Yeah, obviously, like it's hiding my mic. It's like, no, shut up. Every time I wear this shirt, I get a little sad. This is a J. A. G. McDonald. He was one of the most unique YouTubers on this platform. And he was absolutely hilarious. And all of his daily videos, daily videos, daily were animated. He was so amazing, but I, no matter how much I did or other people did, we just couldn't get him the following that he deserved mainly because he was honest. And that's another reason why I hate BookTube. Because he really picked on the culture of canceling every book that had problematic material. And I don't agree with that stuff. I mean, let the book be the book. Just don't buy the fucking book, right? Like don't support the person and especially don't give them free publicity by trying to cancel it. So he got in a lot of shit with that. And then he just disappeared. And I caught up with him on Twitter like seven months after he disappeared. And he's like, I just don't have the heart for it anymore. So like all the books ever, right? Yeah. That was his point is that every single book is going to be problematic to someone no matter what. Because not everyone is going to like what you do. No, he's not. He's done. He's gone. Yeah. Yep. And it was an it was amazing animated book reviews and book talks and things. I love that channel. He started coming up about the same time. Well, I don't know what her new name is, but BookTube Goddess. She's changed her name to something. And I can't remember what it is. I really miss BookTube Goddess. I really miss that name. But of course I've changed my channel name also. Really? That's wrong. Everyone loves everything I do. No. No human is perfect. And who who writes the books? Humans. At least they should anyway. Yeah. Yeah. That's a that's a whole another topic of discussion. But yeah. So what am I going to read? Read. Read. Ashy. Ashy is fine. Yeah. He's fine. He's always fine. He's bold, rotten as usual. More in peace. Let's see if we can get through war and peace tonight. How about that? Book roast was just complaining about books aren't messy enough and people are too worried about triggers, but we're all adults. Well, I mean triggers are there for the people who want them. You know, if you put them in there. And so, I mean, you don't have to read the triggers. But as far as not messy enough, I actually agree with that mainstream books are too safe these days. But yeah, I mean, but also if people are only writing content. To offend people. There's a problem in that too. You know, it's if you're all you're trying to do is upset people for the shock value. I see no cultural significance in your work. Now you may not want to have cultural significance in your work and that's fine. But that's just how I feel about it. No, we're we have a we have a publisher in mind actually to publishers in mind. So we won't be doing the cover. Hey, Jay Rod. Are you back or have you not been here? Certain things I can't read. So always appreciate any trigger. Yeah, exactly. I mean, that's what that's why we whenever I did books or me and Darren did books or whatever, I would put a note up front saying if you need them, they're in the back. Like I have no problem offending someone, but I do not want to unintentionally trigger them. So I give a trigger warning and it's in the back of the book. You don't have to read it. Do you think books should be age rated like movies? No, no, definitely not. Here's the reason why in a movie, a child sees something or in like any visual art, a child sees something and they see it. They absorb that image that I have a problem with. And that that's why that and that's why there are movie ratings. Right. But when you read a book when I was 13 and I read that scene that scene in it, I had no idea what the fuck was going on. If your child knows what is going on in a scenario like that, you have bigger problems than that book. You do. And that's what most people miss is that if a child understands adult concepts, there's something else going on. And that's what needs to be attacked and not the book. And look at the discord, you need to know how kids are traumatized. That was a very interesting discussion. That's what I love about our community. It goes some wild places. I had someone tell me once it's only fiction, it shouldn't bother you. Fiction has bothered me more than any nonfiction I've ever read. Like I've read Helter Skelter, I've read, anyways, I've read a bunch of stuff and there's some stuff in fiction that has bothered me far more than nonfiction. I don't know why, but I do necessarily believe that real life horrors in fiction are scarier than supernatural things. That's why I use supernatural more as a metaphor. It's not meant to scare you, but yeah, that's just me. That's me. Some people are scared of the supernatural. That's fine. Yeah, actually, I would agree with that lazy because the only two animal deaths I have in my entire catalog actually happen. There's the one in Bay's End where the dog attacks the boy and the boy's father kills the dog. My dad didn't kill the dog, but the dog was shot after he attacked me. They left him alone for a week to make sure he didn't have rabies and then he went over and shot him and I will never forget hearing that gunshot. The second thing is we used to shelter kittens and strays and kind of get them back up to health and whatnot and then pass them along to either friends, family, just random people or whatever. We tried to keep them out of the pound, so we always had a bunch of cats and kittens around and during the winter they would climb up into the engine block of cars and multiple times mom went out in the morning to leave for work and she would start the car and the fan blade would, you know, you know where I'm going with this. And I put that scene in, well, it's an aftermath scene. It's not, you don't actually see it happening just like you don't see the dog get killed in Bayes End, but it's an aftermath scene with blood splattered snow and you know what's happened. So, but that happened like a lot when I was a kid and we were able to save some of them. In fact, we had Stubby who literally had this much of a tail because as a kitten it got whacked off by the, he lost all of his brothers and sisters, but cut off his tail and we were, but we were able to save him. But I will never forget the image of walking out to say goodbye to him, wave goodbye to my mom, her backing the car out and pieces just thump thump thump landing on the driveway. I'm sorry. I'm telling you all this, y'all don't want this in your head. I just realized what I did. I'm sorry. I am so sorry. Lazy. I'm sorry. And anyone else who might have been hit by that? I apologize. But yeah. But it's stuck in my head too. That shit bothers me. Yeah. Exactly, Derek. Yeah. Yeah. It is an awful sight and I will never forget it. And that's one of the reasons why I put it in life after Dane was because I was trying to get it out of my head. I know but lazy especially doesn't like that and I want to respect that. So, if I don't respect nothing else about lazy. Kidding, of course. I love lazy. I love lazy. All right. So, what do we want to do? What do we want to read? Change of subject. I can send you another story real quick if you want something to read. I can, yeah. I can read it. Yeah, go ahead and shoot it to me. A church of the chair at Gmail. Basically, I think it's the same place you sent the other stuff. I think, yeah, where you sent your address. Same place you sent your address. I'll go ahead and open it up. And I'll be waiting for you, Jakey baby. I'll be waiting for you right here. I'll be waiting here clutching my tiny chest meat. Yeah, Derek's right though. It is the truth. I remember going through going through Texas. I won't get graphic here I promise but I remember going through Texas and just seeing all of the the poor deer and then you would go down a little farther and there'd be a semi-truck on the side of the road with its grill all fucked up. So, yeah, it, yeah. Oh, oh, you won. Do I need your other... No, you're good, Terry. You're good. I just want stuff for the channel to go to the right place and I only check the other email the one that you have. I'm like once a week. I guess if you want, but I don't check church or the chair that often either. I now have like four different emails. I have a personal email. I have a business email. I have YouTube email and I have the old email. So the cast of Armadillo is... read the cast of Armadillo. Y'all need to stop. It is a lot of emails but that's what happens when you have the maladies as I do. No. Send it to me as like a doc or something so I can open it up in a different window. So I can open it up in Word. Do you want the body of an email or as an attachment? Give me that attachment. Nobody said that. You should talk more in Discord. Yeah, Terry, honestly, if you want like this to me now, Discord is the way to go because we can be in over there too. There's always boobage. Oh well, Derek, that's reality. Yeah, it is reality. It is. Why? Why? Why? Why? Bring me back my titties or you'll get the chunk. The day's channel can be titties are us. It can be. I'm just saying Iain Lazy, I'll look up tomorrow after my appointments. Please do. If you need a link, just let me know but they're always in the description of the videos. So just click on that. All right. It has arrived under my bed. It has arrived under my bed, dude. It has arrived. It's so under my bed, broski. Actually, I could have just had I forgot I had my phone on me. I could have just ran it in the body. Anyways, it's all right. I can do it here. It's stupid. I'm such a fucking idiot sometimes. Let me stop. I told Nick to stop and I need to need to do as I say. Do as I say. All right, let's get some mood shit going on. Can you hear me? Can you hear me? All right, Tina. Have a good one. Thank you for stopping in. I ain't seeing you in a while. It's good to see you around again. Yeah, I know. I'm not stupid. I know. I know. Okay. You can hear loud and clear. And the fog is working. So let me turn off the lights. Let's do this right. Ow, my fucking elbow. Bitches. Ah, shit. Ow. I hit my funny bone. I hit my big bastard. Ow. Ooh. Hang on. Are you okay? Excuse you fog machine. Ooh. That hurt. Kind of feels good when I rub it though. All right. Ow, I just leaned over onto it. What do they... Why do they call it a funny bone? It sure as hell ain't funny to get hit there. Oddly enough, I do tend to laugh. But I have... That's my pain response. So... I don't know. Ow, rubs better. You sound like a ghost horse then. You like rubs funny bone. Is this genitals? I was like, is he horribly burned? No, I fucked up my elbow. It's still throbbing. Still throbbing. That's what she said. All right. Okay. Open Sesame Street. Um... Just once. Open Sesame Street. Ugh. Okay. Da da da da da da. Da da da da da da. Da da da da da da. Welcome back to Masterpiece Theta. I am your host E and tonight we are reading... Excuse you. We are reading a special story written by Jake Brannon. So sit back, relax, and grab some snacks, children. We are going to be reading. Come closer. That's close enough. I don't need to catch a case. That's close enough. Thank you. Okay. Under the Bed by Jake Brannon. On Tuesday night, Noah Franson had a nightmare. He yelled for his mom and asked her to check under the bed for monsters. She did so. Nothing. Thursday night came and with it, a similar scenario. Erica Franson rose at a quarter past 11 to answer her son's cries and fulfill her motherly and monster checking duties and was happy to report no monster activity in the vicinity was different. It didn't seem like it at first. Up until about 9 in the PM the day and subsequent evening seemed quite normal. At breakfast earlier that day, out of curiosity she asked Noah what his nightmare from Tuesday night had been about. Not really expecting him to remember, but to her surprise he did. The snake man he said. Who is the snake man? He explained that the snake man had slithered in through the air vent. He was small at first, thin too and with his hands he showed her how long he estimated it to be. No bigger than a lamprey, she said. But he didn't know what a lamprey was. He continued going on to say that as the creature descended down through the vent grates and onto the floor he grew to a size not possible for even the largest of serpents. Even bigger than a python Noah said. What about an anaconda? Erica asked, somewhat amusingly. Maybe I've never seen an anaconda before. Are they big? Biggest snakes in the world so I hear. I don't know, that was pretty big and his face it wasn't a snake's face, it was a man's face with a big smile but not a good one. His teeth were long and sharp and he couldn't close his mouth. He could just smile. It looked like it hurt him but it felt like he wanted to hurt me. He went on and said that once the snake man was all on the floor his man face rose up and so did much of its upper body. His toothy smile grinning dangerously at him as the creature slithered closer. Soon hovering over the bed it was then that Noah started screaming which caused the monster to retreat under the bed after which there was a sound of an opening door and then a bright light shining overhead as his mother had come in and woken him up. That was the snake man dream and because of it Erica was bound to a nightly errand of checking under her son's bed for the seemingly elusive half snake half man. Mother and son left the breakfast table to face the day and Erica knelt down to tie one of Noah's shoes and told him that if she caught sight of the snake man she'd chop off its head and they'd have it for dinner. That made him smile and her turn made her smile. The day continued on like any other and the contents of her son's dream had long left her mind by three in the afternoon when she picked him up from after school care. On the car ride home she asked what kind of pizza he wanted for dinner their Friday tradition and his answer was always the same half cheese and half pepperoni. And by six that evening Noah and her son went to the beach on his plate while his mom would have a nice slice of the cheese and two antacid tablets. Noah had tried one of them before the antacid and said that it tasted like bad candy to which his mother replied that it was and that it's only for adults. They ate their pizza and watched full house reruns and when seven o'clock came Erica told him to get his dirty butt and grease covered hands in the water. He did so without having to be told twice which was always appreciated and when the bathwater was properly soapy and bubbly she came in and washed his hair while he scrubbed under his arms and elsewhere. He relayed to her the enthralling tale of how his friend Andan at lunch earlier in the day had pretended to choke on his ham and cheese sandwich which prompted the cafeteria monitor and who was the cafeteria monitor today? Erica interrupted. It was Mrs. Claypool Mrs. Claypool was gullible which prompted the cafeteria monitor Mrs. Claypool to rush to Andan's side and assess the situation putting her face close enough to his so that the seven year old could belch in her face. Andan says he thinks he shot out a little chunk of ham at her too Noah said while trying to hide a grin that boy is a bad influence. No he's not. Yes sir he is. Besides if you're going to burp in someone's face it should be after having a peanut butter sandwich so they can get a big whiff of it. They both laughed and then she told him to close his eyes before proceeding to rinse the shampoo out of his hair. It was a quarter after seven when Noah's bath ended and he got dressed into his pajamas. Bedtime was at nine so that allowed him an hour and a half of playtime which allowed for Erika to get herself in the shower. Noah went to his room and debated with himself with which action figures he'd play with tonight. There were two choices Avengers or Star Wars. He considered this deeply for more than a minute. Ultimately the deciding factor came down to the remembrance that Iron Man's left arm had broken off last weekend during a play date with Andan and who the hell would want to play with a one armed Iron Man. He just slowed the Avengers down and so Star Wars it was. The figures were in a plastic drawer in the closet and while he dug around the cluttered mess inside looking for Han Solo's blaster because he couldn't use just any blaster. It had to be his. He both heard and caught in the corner of his eye something under his bed. Turning his head quickly to see only to see nothing but a shadowy darkness under there. What was it he thought? Something dark. It's always something dark. He recognized the sound but he didn't want to say it or think it. The thought came into his mind and he couldn't help it. Something slithering. Then he thought of pythons and anacondas and how he'd never seen anaconda before and that all he knew about them was that they were the biggest snakes on earth and that the snake man was bigger and stop. Wait. Yes! He found Han Solo's blaster. The previous moments fear and uncertainty left him. So did the thoughts that accompanied them. Chewbacca, Luke, Leia, R2 and three stormtroopers joined Han Solo in a reenactment of the battle of Endor from Return of the Jedi. Though he didn't have the right Leia which was unfortunate. His figure of Leia was dressed in her Hoth outfit from the beginning of Empire Strikes Back but he didn't have an Endor dressed Leia. So Hoth dressed Leia had to suffice. He also had a figure of Darth Vader and so he and Luke had their final confrontation down on the surface during the battle between the rebels and the stormtroopers because Noah didn't have a Death Star for them to duel on like in the movie and he very much wished that he did. Endon had a Lego Death Star that he helped put together that he helped put together the previous summer and not soon after he'd asked his mom for one too. Maybe for your birthday she would say which then turned into maybe for Christmas. He had his doubts but he was still hopeful. The battle between the three and a half inch pieces of plastic raged on and soon ran out of control and off script from the film. It was no longer a reenactment because in this scenario Darth Vader wasn't turning good at the end and saving Luke. He was cutting off both of Luke's hands before then turning on Han and Chewbacca. But before the Dark Lord of the Sith could deal a killing blow he was really wookie. Alright kiddo, time for bed. His mom said, standing in the doorway looking down at the carnage that was Noah Franson's rendition of Star Wars Episode 6 Return of the Jedi and she raised an eyebrow. Since when does Darth Vader mom sorry, Darth Vader since when does he go all kill Bill on Luke, Han and Chewie? He doesn't. I was just pretending. What's kill Bill? Something for when you're older. Now clean up. He did so again without having to be told twice. As he was putting his toys away he once more caught sight of the underside of his bed out of the corner of his eye. The darkness there, it was blurry and moving. Even with the slightest glimpse of it the blackness under the bed appeared to be moving whatever it was, but alas he saw nothing. He thought to get closer, to get on his knees and peek down under there himself and confirm that there wasn't anything there and that he was crazy. One look just to make sure couldn't hurt right? He finished putting Luke and Vader and Chewie away in the drawer in the closet and shut the closet door and then turned to face the bed. He forced himself towards the end of it and began to kneel down putting one hand on the edge of the comforter that was hanging down and obstructing part of his view. Just as he was about to fully be on the ground and pull the blanket away his mother entered the room and mused at her son on the ground at the end of his bed. Honey, what are you doing? She asked and that must have spooked him because he jumped and gasped audibly which surprised her. You okay? Yeah, you scared me. What are you doing? Noah thought about his answer for a second. Did he tell her that he saw a moving darkness under his bed? What did that even mean? He'd asked her for the he'd asked her he'd asked her the past few nights to check under there for something for monsters. He felt silly about that and so decided to go with the next best thing. I thought I saw a bug crawl under there. Erica cringed and looked like the shivers had come over her. What kind of bug? She didn't like bugs. I don't know. Maybe a cockroach? Ew! And she shivered some more. Well, I'm sure Mr. Cockroach won't mess with you. Come on, get in bed. He got up off the floor and climbed up the edge of his mattress and crawled toward his pillows lying his head against them and tucking his feet up and under the covers. He liked the feel of the sheets when he first got into them. They were cool and so was his pillow. He loved it. Erica began to tuck her son tuck her son in and sat to the side of him and waited for him to place his right arm before her. Every night he'd asked her to tickle the underside of his forearm. She'd bristle her fingers across his skin sometimes barely touching using just the tips of her nails to gently tickle his arm starting at the bend of his elbow and down the skin to his wrist and then into his palm continuing on to the back sides of his fingers and ending where they stopped. The shiver is what they called it. Not like what she had done a minute before when she heard he'd seen a bug. The good kind of shivers. Relaxing and tingling. They almost always sent him to sleep. Drink break. I drink, bitch. But Noah had things on his mind preventing him from doing so. He was scared because he felt there almost had to be something underneath him just waiting for his mother to leave the room. There just had to be. Then again, there also couldn't be. He told himself that if there was anything under his bed it would only be Mr. Cockroach and that wasn't even a guarantee because that was a little white lie he told his mom. You're crazy, he told himself. He needed to think of something else. Mom? Yes? Will you tell me a story? That caught her a bit off guard because he'd never made such a request before. It also sent her into something of a minor panic because she wasn't sure what kind of story she could possibly tell him. A story? He nodded. What kind of story? He told her that any kind of story would be fine. She took a deep breath for confidence and began. Once upon a time there were these three bears. Mom, I know that one. Everyone does. Something else, please? Okay, okay. She thought for a second and then took another breath for confidence. Okay. When I was a little girl about your age I went on a fishing trip with my grandpa. So your great grandpa. His brother owned this lake house and every summer they'd let him stay there for a week or two. And sometimes he'd take me and my brother up there with him. Your Uncle Ricky. There was a dock out back overlooking the entire lake. The water was murky almost black. But it was still real pretty. There were other houses with docks, too. There were almost always people out on boats or jet skis out on the water. But this time we went, the lake was actually pretty quiet, which made it perfect for fishing. So the first day we're out there we're on the dock, me, my brother and grandpa. We've all got little pieces of hot dog on the ends of our hooks and we're all cast out just waiting around. Three hours later, we're still sitting out there with mushy hot dogs on the ends of our lines and no fish in sight, no fish on the first day. The second day comes same thing, mushy hot dogs and no fish. And again on the third day and again on Thursday. It was really frustrating. Ricky got really bored quickly and even grandpa started to get annoyed at the lack of fish. He thought that maybe it was because the lake was always full of activity that maybe it drove the fish away. But that didn't make much sense because the lake was quiet this week. Like I said, it should have been perfect for fishing. Friday comes our fifth day out there and even though we were all pretty skeptical we thought we'd give it one last chance and it's a good thing we did. Grandpa was the first to get a bite. We all saw the bobber dip beneath the water and we all got excited and we were yelling for grandpa to reel it in quick. To reel it in as fast as he could and he did. He was trying anyway. He was reeling and reeling and then snapped. The line gave way. The fish was gone. Bastard! Grandpa said. But then I got a bite on my line and I started to get excited again. And then it was my turn to reel it in and I reeled and reeled and when she guessed it, the line went loose and the fish was gone. Bastard! I said. Then grandpa started laughing before telling me that I shouldn't say that. And you shouldn't say that either. So another half hour goes by and we don't see much action. No bites, nothing. We thought, okay those two bites were all we were going to see today. And then right as we were about to pack up and leave I get another bite on the end of my line. The bobber would dance on top of the water and then it would dip under and come back up and wiggle side to side. Then it would dip again and come back again. And then it would go under and it stayed there. It stayed under. And that's when I knew to start reeling. My brother and grandpa were yelling reel it in reel it in you got something. And I did. I knew I had it this time. I wasn't going to let it get away this time. I'm reeling and reeling. But this time it felt different. It felt heavier and stronger than the fish before. The end of my pole was actually starting to bend and the line was being pulled tightly and it too was dancing all over the water. I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to do it. The fish was so strong. I was sure it was going to break my line or even my pole. I was held for help and grandpa and Ricky came over and grandpa grabbed a net and knelt down on the dock to get closer to the water and Ricky grabbed the pole with me and we were both pulling with all our strength and I'm reeling in as fast as I can and my hands are aching and cramping but I keep going and that's when we saw something break the surface. It was then that we found out that it wasn't a fish on my hook. I kept reeling and it was getting easier now because the thing was getting tired and it came to the surface and grandpa managed to catch it in a net and he brought it up on the dock with my line still in its mouth. It was an alligator snapping turtle not a full grown one but also not a baby either a mid-sized one I guess. He was really ugly but also really cool to look at. The top and the bottom of his jaw ended just snapping and snapping away. His shell was bumpy and the bumps on it were all pretty pointy too but he's snapping and grandpa couldn't get close to get the hook out of his mouth because he said that an alligator snapping turtle's bite is so strong it can take your finger right off and well none of us wanted to test to see if that was true. So grandpa cut the line as close as he could to its mouth both sides of its shell and we didn't want to just throw it back in the water so we walked off the dock and down to the shoreline and we sent him down and watched him waddle waddle waddle sorry waddle back into the water not before snapping at us a few more times. Maybe he was trying to say thank you maybe I asked grandpa if the hook would hurt him and he said that over time the hook would rust and eventually fall apart and go away. He had a long life ahead of him you know it's believed that they can live to be over 100 years old some even say they can live to be over 200 can you imagine that? Every now and then I think about that turtle and how he's still likely out there or her you never know I wonder what he or she is up to probably got some little snapping turtle babies by now maybe a funny little 7 year old turtle who plays with Star Wars action figures and as a friend who likes to burp in his teacher's face they both laughed at that as Erica brought her story to a close mother and son both with a smile on their faces she bent down and kissed her boy on his forehead and told him she loved him and still smiling he looked up and told his mom he loved her too he liked her story and now he too was thinking about the alligator snapping turtle living in the murky waters of that lake having to share it with all sorts of other animals like snakes the snake man the smile disappeared and he was less afraid and more angry for he'd reminded himself of what he was afraid of you're crazy he told himself again but he couldn't help but think about it thinking about what certainly couldn't be under his bed but God what if it was almost an involuntary response but as his mother got up from the bed up from the bed out of his mouth came the question mom can you check into the bed please he was embarrassed he'd already been through this enough times this week and everything up to this was going so well Erica was concerned for her son she wondered if fear would ever go away she knew eventually it would have to but still the thought persisted would it she opted not to ask him what he thought might be under there and she thought about Mr Cockroach and wondered about that too but pushed that out of her mind what else could she say of course she said we have to be sure right no one nodded still embarrassed he knew there couldn't be anything under there there absolutely could not be anything under his bed what's the worst that could happen Erica asked herself you see a large ass cockroach get the shit scared out of you and hope the little fucker doesn't do his fast little crawl towards you she really did hate bugs especially cockroaches don't think just do it she was now standing to the side of the bed and bent down to grab the edge of the comforter proceeding to kneel down at the same time long hair began to drop in her face and for a moment she let go of the comforter to tie her hair back real quick before returning to the bed lowering her head and peering beneath it she was met with darkness blurred and indistinguishable there was nothing to be peered at just a void of empty blackness that in and of itself felt as if it didn't belong nothing it wasn't right she looked down at the floor of the room look to her left where it began under her son's door and followed it with her eyes until it came to the bed continuing to follow it as it went under the bed seeing it for a few inches more before it disappeared into the void and she couldn't account for the reasoning in that moment but she felt the desire to reach out and feel the darkness if she could there's nothing there she thought she believed she was reaching for nothing but still she reached her hand forward and like the floor beneath her it soon disappeared in the black fog of nothing it was as if the lake water that her grandfather had pulled the snapping turtle out of had located itself entirely under her child's bed it frightened her a great deal more than any cockroach could a bug you can see and touch and run from and even kill there was nothing here but also there was something it was there her hand was on it her hand was in it and then her hand was brushed against truly as if she had dipped her hand into that murky lake she felt something beneath the surface something within the black air under there just barely out of touch just barely touch her sorry she pulled out and backed away and looking up she saw the concerned face of her son looking down at her great job Erika she said to herself you scared your kid even more than he was and over what a lack of light in a dark place and what was likely the damn bug skittering past you Noah said nothing he couldn't because it was slowly dawning on him that perhaps he wasn't crazy and at the same time his mother was considering the possibility that she was there's nothing under there that was the thing why couldn't she see anything what brushed against her and like the earlier urge to reach out her hand that she couldn't explain why she was peering back under the mattress for another look but she began and she was doing so and as she looked she was met with the realization that she was wrong the nothingness of the haze that was not a minute prior under there was now gone replaced with the coiled leathery form of a large serpent its body ending in a head with a face that belonged to no such creature a face with closed eyes and jagged teeth protruding from its mouth a mouth unable to be closed with hot breath seeping out from in between the daggers now what does one say in a moment like that Erica found no words only frozen shock overcame her as she found she was unable to remove her gaze from this creature her mind was active though holy fucking shit holy fucking sh mom that broke her out of it Noah and then fear truly came into play she looked up quickly and audibly shushed her son before stopping herself immediately as the noise brought with it the slightest movement of the thing under the bed not much but the damn thing could move she corrected herself she hushed Noah with the finger over her lips her eyes wide and peering at him like they never had before and he now knew he wasn't crazy their eyes held each other's stares for a moment and their chests moved faster and more apparent as their breathing became harder their hearts ringing in their ears but now Erica asked herself the fuck do I do get no out of here now and she had to do so quietly as she backed away slightly from the side of the bed shuffling her feet beneath her she saw the creature move its leather body as if tightening its coil she froze again and thought to herself why hasn't it attacked us yet why hasn't it attacked before it doesn't matter it's sleeping right now is it it must be okay if it didn't attack us before will it tonight does that matter there's a fucking demon from hell under your child's bed will noise wake it up what then if it wakes fuck that let's not find out get no out of here get us both out of here then what figure that out later one thing at a time get no out be quiet she looked back under it hadn't moved it was still still and sleeping she prayed it remained so she looked up at Noah who hadn't moved either except for the shivering shaking of his body his eyes were red and tear filled it's gonna be okay it's gonna be okay she whispered to him he nodded slightly unassured and then froze again they both heard it the breath of the thing under the bed louder almost growling and Erika felt the hot breath rush over her hand on the floor she looked to it again it was still moving still coiled it's still sleeping and the question persisted in her mind what will this thing do if it wakes up looking again at Noah she whispered to him to stay quiet and that she was going to try and stand up we both have to be quiet she was almost just mouthing the words to him but he understood well enough he remained still and held his hand over his mouth trying to muffle his breathing and he watched with ever increasing stress and anxiety as his mother lifted herself slowly and steadily off the floor and then something popped in her leg as she stood up and that caused both of them to hold their breath and expect the worst they got lucky she was finally fully standing up and with careful placing she turned herself to face her son and stepped towards him before stopping again when her shoe clicked against the floor fuck she mowed the word just as she thought it she looked at her son and nodded at him and kneeled back down what is she doing Noah thought he said nothing and he said nothing and did the same he had to trust that his mother knew what she was doing even if she wasn't quite so even if she wasn't quite so sure back on her knees again and she didn't bother to look again there was one thing she was back down there to do and that being to remove her shoes she grabbed the right flat and slid her socked foot out and did so again with the left leaving both shoes on the ground she stood again and thankfully there was no clicking and popping of her joints to give her pause back again standing to the side of the bed back again standing to the side of the bed she positioned herself close to it and reached her arms out Noah got the hints and slowly began to crawl towards his mother's arms careful not to make too much movement or noise careful not to press down too hard on any one spot of the mattress he did only weigh 60 pounds but he may as well have weighed 600 because that's what it felt like right now they were both expecting any second to hear the growling of the serpent with the human expecting to hear its body uncoiling and slithering out from under the bed to do whatever it may do to the victims to be attempting to flee don't think about it they both thought to themselves but that was no longer an option because sure enough all it took was one of Noah's hands pressing down on one of the bed springs for the mattress to sound the alarm fear flooded both mother and son as they heard the monster growl its hot breath through its sharp teeth they both thought to themselves they both thought to themselves it's massive form fuck it Erica said and she grabbed her son with both hands and with his arms and legs wrapping around her she turned and bolted for the door Noah closed his eyes he didn't want to see any of it Erica never looked back either they both heard it and that was enough for them the hissing and slithering and they both could swear that they felt its breath against their skin she did it a couple times because of her socks against the slick floors but she never fell she never lost grip on her of her son she persisted and ran and for all she knew her eyes may have been closed as well because she barely remembered running through the house and getting outside but there they were now not knowing what may still be behind them they were on the sidewalk Noah still with his eyes closed and hanging on to his mother still running she didn't think of where to go just far away from here a decent enough plan Erica ran with her son in her arms until they came to a convenient convenience store and inside was a 20-something with a name tag that read Tony and Erica yelled for her to lock the doors the sight of a frantic woman carrying a child was enough to convince the young clerk where's your phone? Erica asked that there's a phone back here but here's my phone Tony stuttered bringing her hand from her pocket Erica took the phone and called 911 and well she wasn't sure how to phrase it to the operator she chose her words carefully there's something in my house that tried to attack me and my son the operator asked if it was a person then they asked if it was an animal fucking close enough yes the operator asked what kind of animal a big one I don't know we heard it didn't see much just got out and ran Erica told them the address and hung up the phone it suddenly came back to her that Noah was still gripped around her his face was buried in her shoulder which felt warm and wet honey he mumbled something it's alright we're safe she hoped that was true she knelt down and began to loosen her grip and came off her attempting to stand on his feet which wobbled back and forth making him sit down Erica sat next to him and they looked at each other tears were running down his face he couldn't speak and his body still shook and she noticed that she was doing the same what else could she say in that moment it was easier to just say nothing so that's what they did they sat against the wall to the side of the checkout desk and held each other waiting for someone to arrive to speak to them an officer arrived within half an hour and said that other officers police and animal control were at the address she'd given them they were searching the place as he spoke it was all of little comfort Erica knew there were two things that could happen the first being the more likely they'd find no such creature no snake man no monster with a black leathery serpent's body ending in a man's face with daggers for teeth or they confirmed something just as terrifying that such a thing really does exist and then what the hell do you do after that one thing at a time the officer was getting a call a call in and he stepped outside to take it Erica began to stand up so she could hear what he'd have to say but quickly determined that it didn't matter she wouldn't be talking she wouldn't be taking her son back to that house not tonight and she wasn't quite sure what she'd do for the coming nights but she knew she'd figured it out she had to it looked as if the officer had finished his call outside still Erica did not stand she remained seated Noah had fallen asleep in her lap the poor kid she looked down at her son and with one hand she rubbed his head she wiped tears from her face and thought about how tired she was and that like her boy she could just fall asleep right then and there and perhaps that's what she'd do she closed her eyes and thought of Noah and she prayed for sweet dreams did the snake man bite them did the snake man get them and put them to sleep did they find anything in the house all the open ended questions also I should have asked you how long it was before I agreed to read that because my back is on fucking fire Jesus ugh yep good story need some editing also there's one paragraph in there where you said again six times six times but yeah it needs some editing but other than that good story I like it ugh ow my butt cheeks are you gonna be okay she was mine uh my butt lights give me a reason to stand the fuck up if nothing else it's a light bulbity bulb shimmy charge ugh normally the no ending would bug me but this was see the way I picture it is that the snake man had bitten them both on the way out they just didn't notice and they were falling asleep because they're about to die a poisoning it hit you like rocks whispers butt cheeks are channels uh yeah I've been coming back to it every now and then to fix it up still gotta go over it again yeah um I like the writing series with Chad Lutsky I think it might be interesting informational to do one with someone with little to no experience next probably be a good challenge too uh the only other person interested is Viking and I don't think he has little to no experience so yeah it was it was a real fun story um I love I love the urgency that you have with scenes how you use the proper like run on sentences and comma placement and everything that really it makes it really easy to read uh and really bring out that sense of urgency like you know reading something doing a cold reading like that is one of the hardest things to do if the story isn't good like if the if just the writing sorry not story if the writing isn't good it it's full of just stumbles and bullshit and you know all that crap but uh it was very very easy to read I disagree with that lazy I disagree with that a hundred percent uh the sand castle story was damn near perfect I mean I had some slight editorial adjustments but it was damn near perfect you'd be interested do you want to work on a collaboration with me on a book just blindly and you do you have any experience I mean I'll do it either fucking way but more like known to negative okay yeah we can do that that would be really really entertaining I think alright so let me finish up with I already have a full plate with uh Chad but me and Chad write pretty quickly together and then I told Viking I'd do it with him oh yeah I'm gonna do it with the Viking uh I'm gonna do it with Viking and then you're up after that shit shit fuck panda bear Jesus it could be it definitely could be I know Viking unless you want Derek to go next I mean if you're willing to do that but you asked first and I'm all about you know who comes first I love to come first but you know you think of others sometimes do I really love how open ended stories are I prefer I vastly prefer the sandcastle story because that one is so on the it's I know it's very like the whole thing is open to interpretation like what is going on at any point in time with this one this is a more straightforward horror story um and I'm gonna I'm gonna have a gummy I promise I'm going here in about two or three minutes I promise uh but I'm easy I'd love to see you and Derek collaborate well that that's why also we might be able to do both because Derek's on the road a lot so it all depends on you know whatever cool I've got an idea for a short story but I've never written like at all you've never even tried yeah the same castle story is poetic you know it's it's the the entire thing from the opening to the ending is just like is he actually a fucking sandcastle is he you know the then you have the laughter with the kitty layer thing and then you got the the weirdness with the people breaking in the house and then you have the ending and it's like the whole thing is just fucking magical right it's it's experimental and it's weird and it's well written and there's great urgency and great everything this one like I said it's a good story but sandcastle is way to fuck up here like yeah it's way up here and don't worry about writing a really good story and then following it up with one that I don't fan boy over it's still a good story needs some editing needs some quite a bit cut actually because there's a lot of repetition like her getting up and down there's easier ways to say that but we can always talk about that you know in private or whatever yeah I mean that would easily sell to to an anthology or like a kindle single you know throw that that that's shut up people would buy it for a dollar it's long enough it took us what almost 30 minutes to read it I good night Jen I didn't see you say good night but J rod you oh there you are I'm have to run night y'all night J rod I'm about to leave too so y'all start saying goodbye because I gotta say goodbye oh Jesus the only reason I'm still sitting here is because I gotta be able to actually physically get up and walk out of the office so I'm kind of collecting myself night Viking good night Ty good night Jake good night Haley good night J rod good night Derek good night zoo oh who else is here good night Jimmy good night solvents good night boggle yeah if I missed anybody I'm sorry good night lazy love y'all and I'll see you over on discord for those of you who are there I already I missed oh yeah good night Sean I think I missed Terry leaving but uh yeah y'all have a good one but until next time you know you know how we do all hail the chair bye