"James May", An Original Song





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Published on Apr 2, 2010

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I'm a huge Top Gear fan, and James has always been my favorite character. In fact, if you look up my other videos, we did a tribute to Top Gear where I played James. Anyway... I was listening to Jonathan Coulton's "A Talk with George" earlier, and for some reason it made me want to do a song about James May. So here it is. My voice was a little shot, so I may re-do it at some point.


On a cold dark day in Bristol, in 1963,
An exceptionally well dressed man was born.
Dressed only in a floral print, and looking like a spaniel,
his mother sat and held him in her arms.

She said James, I do believe that one day you'll be famous,
or at least the third wheel in a group of three.
So don this leather jacket, and go into the world,
and figure out what you're supposed to be.

He drives a panda. With all the vents aligned.
He could drive faster, but he's not so inclined.
He built an airship, it didn't go so well.
But his house of legos, it was really swell.

As a classically trained pianist, he soon became a writer,
I guess that it made at sense at the time.
Whether doing documentaries, or being captain slow,
he never fails to say the awkward lines.

His job at Autocar was abruptly terminated,
They apparently don't have tastes for farse.
So you think it's really good? Yeah, you should try making the bloody thing up.
It's a real pain in the arse.

He drives a Bentley. It handles like a boat.
He plays piano, and don't ever miss a note.
He drove a Veyron, but it was way to fast,
He didn't like it, but it came to pass.

James May, he's twice the man that you are, and probably he's twice the woman too.
Never try to question, never condescend, 'cause his cat Fusker's twice as smart as you.
James May, he'll put his pants in your microwave and it'll say Please enjoy your meal.
When he drives fast, he gets a fizzy feeling, and I don't think you've got that kind of skill.

He has a hard time deciding, which one he is less of,
a woman or a driver of race cars.
He always puts a tampon, underneath his motorcycles,
It absorbs the oil although it seems bizarre.

He drove to the antarctic, sipping Gin and tonics,
He's just glad that he is still alive.
But I have some great news, the Dacia Sandera,
is now available in left hand drive.

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