 Doesn't matter how many fingers you can shove up your arse. It's not something I want you showing to my mom Speaking of arse. Look at that. Someone just sent us a picture of an arse. Yeah, we Are we live Holy shit, but only in Iceland And now the rest Hello, everyone episode number 39. This is the mighty Michael for the actual podcast will write and before we even say a fucking word This podcast is sponsored by the university of Michael. All right By the time this comes out, there's gonna be this is the last This is the last month you can sign up to the website For five dollars us a month And we are also announcing that we will be doing vlogs on our website next year All right, so the not only does the price go up We're doing vlogs On the website. I can't wait for every fucking week next year. Okay when we come back from our break So maybe uh, I don't know long vlogs too. You look into that a little bit Fucking out that was fucking caught caught yesterday. He can't We dodged some bullets there, right man, we look we had a pretty good lawyer I think the lawyer like shout out to Andrew McGinnis Yeah, if you need your fucking lawyer work Andrew bloody McGinnis. Um, it was a fun fun little day Um, we fucking we went in the coin car. We drove there And we got there and we were like, oh, he's gonna need lots of reporters One dude one dude there took took some photos of us as we walked in And then we went in there and we we bought that shirt that is it nicole nicole hole Nikki sent us that shirt with the fucking two holes It's one shirt for two people and the shorts We bought that thinking fuck after the after the court's finished We're gonna come out to all the reporters We're in one fucking shirt and shorts and we big laugh and we're gonna say Oh, we tried to convince the judge that we're one person so only to get one fine. That was gonna be the joke We fucking try guys. Well 750 fine no recorded conviction We we get changed. We're really excited and our lawyers are going here. I'm not gonna walk out with you guys It's fucking embarrassing. We walk We walk out no one there Fucking hell it's because it's been such a long time a period be from when we did the stunt to now Yeah, and then we're like, yeah, we're like, oh fucking hell. Maybe just wasn't that big a deal But then we get home and then fucking like 2 p.m. Rolls around and boom Not only is the the court case all over the national news The fucking coin car. Oh man. Lucky. We drove the car to that city that day Seven news picks up the coin car story and it's just it's fucking it was a big news day and before you know There's just fucking crazy town So we're in the news for AFL and we're in the news for the coin car Fucking gold bloody great and all the hate started down and everyone's just everyone's really nice about the coin car The articles are starting to be nice. I think the media is starting to warm up a little bit, which is lovely Isn't that nice Matt? Yeah. What's your comment Matthew Brown? Yeah Point and the fucking court itself Man, we were a little bit nervous. Our law is like, uh, you know It's we I think you should maybe adjourn because this judge is a little bit unpredictable I'm like, fuck it. Let's just get over and done with thank fuck We didn't and then right before we go in our law is like, oh by the way, have you guys any charity work this year? And I was thinking I was like, uh, oh actually at the start of the year Yeah, we fucking helped raise like a bit of money for the bushfires in Australia's a guy How much was a guy? I don't know like $200,000 and then he's fucking jaw dropped And then he mentions it and I think that that is what fucking saved us a bit He saved the day Because some other dude last week Like got fined a thousand dollars because he ran onto a cricket game I think it was a cricket game after it had finished and lied down on the field He got a thousand dollars and we fucking run on in the afl grand final Like ours is the final here's with some bullshit cricket match like we're not complaining but like There's no fairness We should have like and we did we planned ours He's he might have just been drunk and he's decided to go make the boys laugh like in the moment We pre-planned it hard We knew what we were doing and we only got a 750 fine I don't know if we should be admitting that how this is we've been no fuck it. We it's done now I don't give a shit But the the thing um the a lot of people like oh you did it for financial gain the the video Look, we did it just to make a good video. We just wanted to make a good funny video But we didn't we lost a lot of money on that video. We didn't make a lot like people think we're so fucking loaded We're not to be like oh, that's nothing to them 750 is nothing And the video is not even on a million views on social media because all we have all these rich restrictions So we didn't make anywhere near the money back. We had to pay for tickets. They're like two and a half grand I think we paid on there for us two and julian. We had to pay for the AFL balls for those fucking really nice shoes couple a hundred for julian's disguise outfit And fucking yeah, and the lawyer fees obviously and then the fine. So um, yeah At least it's quality. I watched it again yesterday for the first time in ages and fuck. It's it's a good video Yeah, it's something to be proud of matthew brown matthew fucking brown. Holy fucking shit sitting there He's in these undies today undies because it's so hot in this No, I can't afford that we got to pay it on fines and we bought a fucking pool last thursday, didn't we? Yeah, you ruined it didn't last very long did it? I knew as soon as I bought that that I was gonna fucking slice the bottom of that I was gonna bring that to christmas. It was 140 bucks. It's so cheap Yeah, well it sort of That's pretty good for a big pool. I know like that's all you need. You just sit in the pool. You're wet Why do people spend like 50 grand on these to dig a hole just buy that permanently What if you want to play footy or something in the backyard practice afl? And we couldn't be fucked, but you can put a filter in that thing You can fucking put a filter in the air. We didn't put it on. Oh, that's right that machine thing Yeah, the machines. Oh, actually my old neighbors. I think had a similar one and yeah, they had a filter on there But like if you if you want to pool you've got a pool You just go to kmart. You see $140 that took 20 minutes to set up I got sunburnt So, yeah, that's been our fucking week, but yeah core went well bloody near not bloody too bad We had another interview with another reporter this morning and everyone's just being lovely now So it's a nice change from two months ago when everyone was like Fucking hate nice. I'm gonna kill you Shit, I was scared obviously. I was scared obviously with a gunshot You made the waterfall go down. I need a towel man. I need a fucking towel now. I saw Matt like sliding through the window At fucking as we were arriving today for the podcast and usually he's here Really quite early in the mornings to start the on this day is to start his research But I saw him sliding through the back window And sort of panicking a bit. So, um, you know, we'll see what he's got here, but I feel like he's rushed them I don't want to I don't want to point any fingers, but I'm pointing at you Matt brown Matt, do you gregory brown? What makes you think I rush flash is something show us a ball Because you would squeeze yourself through a really get up and show us a ball Yeah, go on flash is a bit of asshole come on. I want to when you say it like that It's not really appeasing to do that I love that word Show us a ball if you said oh show us this Do any girls ever said that to a dude Show us money a ball. I wonder if girls ever get like a ball. You know, yeah, you know boys I want to want to see tit. I wonder if a girl ever want to see ball I wonder if girls see ball and get horny Get all that boys ball hanging out. That's horny now. Friskified Yeah, it's balls aren't balls and cocks aren't exactly fucking good guys Arch your back a bit. Arch your back and twerk your ass Yeah sidebays. I want to see the arch Put your tits together and show some cleavage. I want to imagine, you know, no, come on Give us something. No, that makes me self-conscious about what I can do it with my tits. Yeah, but it makes me feel like I'm Big boy when you bat off you do this And you can jerk and you can look at cleavage while you have a wank He's been wanking in my house That didn't do with that think about It'd be hard to jerk off Because you'd need to really squeeze your tits together to get that cleavage look And then you can't really jerk off. I don't like this I don't like what i'm seeing in my head right now. It's hot. It's hot. It's very hot not hot ladies in sexual hot. It's hot in this room a little bit above On this day On this day in 1998 the michelin man was diagnosed with thyroid cancer His neck swelled up and his metabolism slowed He gained weight rapidly and became known for his grotesque fat rolls Although he managed to get some work as a mascot. He hung himself using a crane and steel rope in late 2017 in japan or one of them countries Who's this the michelin man? Who the fuck is he the big tire guy? Yeah, he looks like a marshmallow. Yeah, thyroid cancer. He hung himself with a crane Fuck he must be huge that was all over the news all over the news in 1998 That was like the biggest news right before 9 11 happened. Was he in ghostbusters? No, that's the the state puff marshmallow, man. Fuck me. Sorry. I'm a nerd. They're cute. Aren't they those things? He is cute. And then they then they zap him and he goes I can't remember. I never watched it. I can't remember that fucking movie a on this day in 2014 pat rafter gave birth to six rats On this day in 2002 john farnham's sense of smell became so powerful that he could predict the birth date of everyone he met He says the gunk sack that you are born in has a very distinct smell And he can tell how long you've been out of the womb for The police even employed him as a sniffer dog for a few months until john broke his nose on a particularly hard piece of toast He now is planning another comeback to her and has lung cancer The gunk sack Yeah, don't don't babies come out and some fucking sack or some shit can't some embryo the sack or some sheet And you gotta slice it up. You gotta slice it up. Or is that just animals? I'm thinking of Um, uh, dude. No, you do you're in the fucking embryo sack thing. Yeah, and then that's just rip you out of it Rip you out of it. Can't there's The Don't you can eat it embryo like sack or some shit Yeah, it's like the fucking umbilical cord If anyone knows this in the umbilical cord, yeah, yeah, but that's what it's connected to If only all three of us have not had kids if one of our three If one of our three female viewers knows the answer comment on the bloody bloody. It's the placenta Yeah, that's not what we're in gunk sack Oh, it's such a shame. We haven't gained any new viewers. They're just So Oh next week we got fucking we're gonna try and get jack on one for the season finale boys So fucking hang on to your hats and get ready cowboys Do a little yeah, that's it rotate the hips On this day in 2012 Reese Witherspoon snipped her tail off and made it into a pen She signs all her contracts with this pen, but it's decomposing a bit so it's getting tricky and that's the end of on this days Oh, I didn't even know she had a tail it makes sense though. She's a fucking freaky looking little fucking I reckon she's pretty um Did you know some people are born with tails? Yeah, Matt has a tail Is that what that is? Yeah, you thought it was a second cock But it's an extended coccyx. Yeah, isn't it their little coccyx coccyx bone That's the anatomically correct name for your tailbone, but do you remember that show embarrassing bodies? A girl came in with a with a bone that had extended out like a tail. Yeah Um, whatever that little I think it's great. Honestly. I love it. Yeah, I'd love to see it. Yeah, no, it's lovely some more supporting small business That was Margaret that was Margaret young or would Margaret little pop to head in The prank all the day is going to be Arnold fun. He's actually gotten into some trouble with the police So he's going to call the butcher and accuse them So don't bloody um, don't bloody go anywhere, mate. Matt you fucking sit right there, bro. Yeah All right, let's fucking change the segment name to And there's a segment where you guys uh comment questions and we fucking answer the cunts That's not a stole my wife. All right, actually so first question actually comes from a coke penguin Imagine that little fucking penguin racking up fucking little lines with his fin. Do you ever watch pengu? Yeah No, it's more high pitch. I reckon He changed it he changed it a lot the fucking He had an appearance in one of the toy story episodes. I fucked him Are you guys ever going to do vlogs? Yes, we will so starting and and we want to also have a version a shorter version of the website vlogs for our youtube And start posting some vlogs next year But um, yeah the main like 20 15 and 20 minute vlogs will be on the website weekly episodes And we won't be uploading too anymore and it'll just be like behind the scenes of all the fucking videos We found adventures. I'm so excited for some adventures some adventures. So yeah, no, it's great. It's looking nice. Isn't it Matthew? Yeah Yeah, yeah Next question is from defy underscore you Some people think that you might have answered this already, but here we go Since you've been best friends for years. Has there been a time where you've had a breakup for a period of time? Oh, there's been times where michael's taken some of the other boys overseas and I've just done my own thing for a while But then I can't see you've ever not had Been happy with each other. No, we fucking we just sort of yeah I went traveling for a while and then once I came back. I was like, let's fucking make vids, man Get glistening. I already am. Yeah, and I like moved out with You know pepper and dave and luke and stuff and and then yeah, but then once we fucking sort of had this We all we had this dream when we're in high school We used to walk home hammer drunk and be like, man, we're too fucking weird We're so weird to we have to be famous And then we fucking found like a thousand shoes on the side of their own filled michael's drive Walked home drunk drove back to the shoes and filled his car with them And we thought that was going to be our ticket. We thought that was a little opportunity somehow to get fame We'd be like the shoe guys or yeah, like the shoe guys with the car But all it was was just two months of my dad and mom hating me because They had to drive around with shoes in my car. It's it was a quite an interesting smell And I just said no, you got to wait It's like planning a sea. Yeah, exactly. Did you guys find a rape man when you were walking home? Exactly. All this shit happened to us. That's not a video. All this shit happened to us So we just we always knew that something would happen eventually and even in high school We'd go fucking hang out after high school and just sip on coca-cola. We just you just knew you just know You just fucking know and then it happens and then when I got back from traveling That's the secret I felt like I think central america and south america. I came back in and I was like marty Let's do this fucking video Finally, and then he's like okay, then And then here we are at fucking five years later. It took a while. God dammit now Six years Geez that's like half my life Time flies. Uh next question is from barry sing. Um, this is not a bad question actually Why haven't you guys made a soundboard app yet? What's that mean? So, you know when you get little apps with different sounds or different sayings you can push it on there Oh, yeah, people even use that though. I feel like what would you use it for like just for fun? You're sitting in your room and play it. Well, this guy sort of suggested you could do the german pack the disco dancing pack You know, I guess fun little sounds that you guys make on this day. Awesome squirties We've already we've done an app and it's sort of we lost a fair bit of money on it Now we're doing another up and it's fucking difficult So our run rate with our bloody our bloody success rate with apps is a bit bottom now a little bit Oh, you fucking lost my train of thought Worth it though, right? Am I right? I Guts Next question is pretty good. I'm pretty happy and I'm excited to ask this one. I wish I thought of it um, it's from Amar Khalid Who's the better tennis player out of you two? Oh now it and now would be a age old question But I continued to coach for much longer than Michael did. So I was fucking coaching while he was fucking driving around, Uber driving. So, you know, I maintained that skill for a longer period. Yeah, fuck, Marty's got. He hits it hard. Hey, very powerful. We played a few matches in high school. I remember we had a hackathon in one final of the tournament. Yeah, Michael did get me there. We just fucking you get too scared when you can't hit through your shots. So you just fucking lob it back and we just were lobbing. I think it was under 18s in front of all these old people. It was the shitest fucking match. And I remember it at Calvin Grove, because we played tennis as a subject in tennis excellence, we'd get sent, you know, all the players who get sent off and then we'd have to play like first to 10 points. And we'd be down at the bottom courts and sometimes Michael would win and that we were up to the courts and the coaches would be like, oh, who won? And I'd just be like, yeah, I won't be better at lying than Michael was convincing me. They would fucking blow away. God, then I'd get real worked up and it just looked like I was even more guilty. So I'd fucking like it was it was ups and downs. So he'd go up and move up onto the top court and I'd fucking go down. That was that time I convinced Greg that you killed a bird. Dude, I just had a fucking memory. I went back down to Canberra. I fucking told my cousins. I think this is when I was in the eight or nine that I'd killed a goth dog. Yeah, dude, I remember you always told that story to people. Yeah, so I convinced people that I followed this goth home in the city and was just real mad at him. So I waited for him to leave his house and then put his dog in a bag and hit it against a tree. And people would be just so shit. My cousins thought I was fucking psychotic. They're like, and I never ever told him that it wasn't the truth that it was a lie until like years later when I was 18. Now they know. Yeah, no, they know already, I hope. I fucking hope I cleared that up. Next question is from caller Judy 23 Lopez. This one's been asked before, but it's a little bit different. If given the opportunity to travel back in time, which you've been asked before, what what pivotal moment in history would you change Egypt? Oh, change or fucking go watch change? I'd stop the big bang from happening. Yeah, that's a good one. Keep it all together in the end. Yeah. I was fucking alive. Can't fucking swallow the count. I don't know if I'd change anything. I just go back and watch what happened in Egypt to make those fucking beautiful triangles. Aliens. Oh, did you watch Joe Rogan's last podcast with alien documentary guys? Dude, I mean, yes, there's another fucking aliens that we've got to watch. Is that about the Israeli space guy? No, no, that was just an article, I think that he's written. But he's he's last. So his last podcast is it was a week ago. James Fox and someone else. I'm going to watch that. Dude, I've got a screenshot of it. It was. Yeah, I just forgot to fucking listen to it. And apparently there's a fucking doco. They've made a doco on it. Yeah. And he's like, this is the best doco I've seen in ages on aliens. And they were talking about how these kids in Africa in like 96 or something, 94 all had an had an experience where like a UFO landed in front of them and they all had the same experience, like a hundred kids. And so they went there and they talked about it and interviewed them all. And they all have the same. They had the kids all draw what they saw and they all drew the same thing. And then at the same time, they had one in Australia where there was over 300 kids witnessed this this thing land in front of them. And people probably don't even know that we fucking like love alien shit, just fucking gets us going. Oh, like I've had bats over docos. God, I hope they're fucking. Oh, man. I just want to see one. Oh, dude. That's yeah, fucking the latest one we watched. Elements of the fifth kind or something. Yeah, Stephen Gray. Oh, some good. And some also some shit things about it. God. Yeah. But it seems like a bit of a money grab, but also very interesting. So the one I'm talking about at the moment that Joe Rogan was interviewing was James Fox, and he did a doctor called the phenomenon phenomenon. I can never say that word. Oh, I think I've heard of that one too. Ghost shit and alien shit is just like the fucking best. It's fucking sex. And but they have a guy on there, this this European guy who's who's who's been interviewing people for years. Like since like back in Roswell, I think he's old guy. And they even they even Spielberg based a character in his alien movies off this guy. Wow. Have you ever seen a UFO? I don't think so. I know. Have you? I've laid in the like out like really out back area where you can see all the stars and I could see satellites moving through the sky. And he just don't know my question if it was a satellite or man when I was going to London or a car the week later after you guys had gone to Europe. I was traveling fucking in it was at nighttime and I was on the window seat and this weird fucking comet thing had all these sparks coming up from behind it came up next to the plane. Then I fucking looked around to see if anyone was seeing it. Look back and then it just took off again. So it sort of stayed next to the plane. And then I wanted to be like, what the fuck? Everyone's sort of sleeping at this time. It was the early hours of morning and I was trying to see if anyone had seen it and no one had seen it. And if I had said anything, I would have seemed like a fucking crazy person. You do seem crazy and I never told you guys. I don't think did I mention that to you? Because it was just like feel like I want to explore this story now because that sounds hard. I'm trying to be cool. I've seen an alien. Are you dick? It's real. He's lying, everyone. Do not believe a word this cunt says. Premonitions. Oh, fucking the first thing I did in Europe was eat shit. So you're not taking away. You're going to be hallucination from the pieces of shit in your tummy. You can't fucking. It's not like I'm going to eat shit and then tell you about my alien experience and you're going to believe it anyway. Oh, boys. I've got an alien on the plane. I haven't slept for five days. I'm attracted to my mother. Cut that corner. Just the name. Just the name. Feces hallucinations. That's a thing. But yeah, no, I'd eaten the shit after I'd seen the alien. Anyway, that's enough. It's just a cute little fucking interest we have. And next year I reckon we're going to try and fucking find one. Anyway, what's this fucking space cunt? Next question is from David Martin. What was your experience on DMT like? I think only you've taken DMT. I've done it, but I didn't go fucking so annoying. I can't always have an issue with smoking. I always cough so much in my lungs. It's so fucking sensitive that I can't ever get a full fucking bong of it. So I can't pass that plane and get close. And then it just mellows back down. But yeah, it's the most intense thing you'll ever do in your life. Michael saw the mechanical elves, the mechanical elves, dude. They are fucking real. Watching him. So many people talk of this. They see the same thing, the mechanical elves. My theory, or I think I've read a few theories on this, is that you go to their fucking factory and these mechanical elves are building, right? And you watch them and they're the builders of our reality. And like this sounds fucking insane. I eat my own shit. Fucking hell, dude. These cunts were just working away. They looked up at me and they're like sort of smirked and said, oh, here he is and kept working. Shit, he is here. Shit, he is here. He'll fuck off in a second. It's like they're building away in these fucking vibrations of this factory to sort of build our reality. Anyway, that's what I sort of thought. And then Salvia, which is similar to DMT, I had a shot up to the universe and had fucking whatever mother guy talk to me. Like a lucid dream. Oh, fuck, that would be fun. Telling me that I'm just a fucking page in the story. And then the whole universe room that I was in flipped over like a fucking page in a story. And I went from seeing everything to just nothing. And it was like, wow, that's probably like life and death. Anyway, intense shit. It's like mushrooms times one thousand probably even more. The one good thing about psychology, Alex, is it does make you whatever, even though you don't really understand what you're seeing, it does make you fight less scared about death. That yes and no, dude. I reckon for me, but like, fuck, it makes you realize how small and minuscule your life is. And nothing we are. You are a bin. We were all going to die, Matthew. Even you. You will die soon to dust. I'd say dust. I like when he says dust. What's dust in German? For Kleine, I mean. Oh, shit. I don't know. You know what dust is? I don't know. Schmutz. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Smooth. Look how fucking like this is like a. Well, as a fucking podcast in a sauna, I am drenched right now. You look all right there on the camera. Well, that's the main thing. Oh, yeah. Um, next question is from Olympus top tens. Um, question for the podcast was life better in either the nineties, 2000s or 2010s, which is best nineties being a kid riding your bike, fucking building cubby houses, fingering like, no, you didn't do that in the nineties, but you're fucking like less than 10 years old. I was born older than you guys. It's different stages of life. So I had to compare, but I'd say now is the happiest, happiest of men. But like, okay, what about, I think it was nice as a kid because less responsibilities. Yeah, but you don't know, like, I remember being like, we're going to keep saying when you go, you've got responsibilities, but you don't know how shit the responsibilities are. So you know, you can't appreciate not having any responsibilities. It's just like, you know, whatever, shut up, mummy fucking fuck though. I love just skateboarding, riding a bike, building cubby houses, fucking even school was fun. Handball, remember handball? Yeah. Oh, I was the best at handball. Oh, you know, I cracked the shit so bad about handball once in year eight. And I felt so embarrassed. I apologize to the three people I was playing with, but they were wrong. And I was right and I was so angry. And then I, and I was still new to the school because year eight was high school back then. And I walked away and then realized, fuck, I don't have any other friends. I need to, I'm going to have to fucking man up and go back. And I walked back and I was like, and they're like, oh, look who's back. And I was like, and I was so angry because I know that you should have fucking lines. All right. You should have fucking shot them, brought a gun and shot them all. Dude, there was a kid in my year who fucking headbutted someone because he got fucking out. He was that angry. He just went for it. Bang. I saw punch ups in high school over handball. Handball. Oh, fuck, handball was good. Then once you got to high school, there was the, you're allowed to use your foot rules. That's fucking insane. And how's this? They had handball squares. So for four people to play, right? So you'd play and all that. But then there was this other area of the like of the playground with a wall, a huge brick wall, and then three big squares. And they turned that into like an epic handball ring where you could use the wall. Oh, yeah, I feel that. We should stop playing handball again. Oh, take the net down. We got four service boxes. Oh, wow. That ain't a bad idea. No, we need a line along the fling. No, I don't want to lose friends. Handball, dude. And fucking hell. Like what else? Ride and bike. I love going on adventures. You go fucking check out this suburb and find all the parts of your area. You find fucking jumps that you haven't found. Like the local jumps, like jumps for the school or like fucking searching. Suburb and you'd understand that's how you grew up. You just look in every little corner of your fucking suburb. That was fine. I liked that shit. Remember any of this? You'd fucking just take your mates' bikes and put them on rail. Fucking train tracks. I remember any of this happening with my childhood. Next question is from Sabrina. What is one good characteristic you like of each other and what's one bad one you like of each other? Sense of humor. Yeah. And bad one is probably his maybe lack of hygiene. Definitely this week. Fuck, Marty, I guess you can get some fucking road rage sometimes. Oh, yeah. Yeah. He scares me in a car. He was like the smallest thing. He was someone who makes me fucking do that a little bit. They're fucking dead to me. If you're going one K under the speed limit, you're a fucking asshole, dude. But having said that, I reckon in my lifetime, I was saying I'm out the other day, I've probably saved maybe two months of time on the road from incredibly aggressive driving. Yeah, my license is suspended. That's right, but fuck me. Have I saved some time? Oh, yeah. I remember being in the car with Marty and he got angry, but I had no idea he was about to get angry. And his reaction was to step on the accelerator and turn at the same time and it was fucking terrifying. I'm surprised you haven't gotten into handbrakes soon. Next question. Oh, sorry, a bit of a hold up my phone. Well, fucking come in. Next question is from Josh and his question is, yeah, but why? Yeah, but how is it? Is the answer to that? Yeah, but how is the answer to you or why? And if he's asked another question off under that? No. No question mark, no. Is the answer to his follow up question. His follow up question was OK, question mark. No, OK, question mark. OK. All right, next question is from Sam Warner. Oh, yeah, this is a great question. Have you guys ever had sleep paralysis? Oh, my God, yeah. So I believe Marty of you. I've had it once. All three of us have suffered this at some point. I went through a huge bout for about two years and it really fucked with my life. But the last time I ever had it, Michael told me how you can you can lose a dream through doing it. And so I got to the point where I would see the figure or the man or the woman, whoever it was, I'd get rats and they'd hold me down and I would start going fuck off and I'd free and that's how I got rid of it. But you enjoy it. You laugh at it. And the very last time I had it, I shot into the atmosphere. And it feels so real and you're fully like either lucid dream, I'd say, but close to astral projection because I was literally on top of my fucking in like my ceiling on my room looking down on my body. Then I shot up into the universe. Yeah, I was in the universe and I saw these huge cubes with like dangly arm things. Like it was like a huge like I don't know. I'm terrified. Yeah, it's fucking scary. It happened mostly to us when we were like back when we'd work like fucking 90 hour weeks and be poor as fuck. And we'd be so exhausted that like your body falls asleep before your mind does. And it happened all the fucking time back when we just never slept. It'd be mostly afternoon naps. And get me. Like it's scary as fuck. You've got the shadow man, the rats, the witches, but like you can literally kids or whoever fucking listens to this. If you get it, laugh at whatever is fucking scaring you. Like try and laugh it off. And then you'll get to a point of lucid dreaming where you can control the situation. And I just go flying. I go for a fly around town. The time I had it, I couldn't I couldn't because I was lying on the couch where we used to live at Chermside. And then I saw the rat and I just couldn't move my body and I didn't fucking know that it wasn't real. So I was like, I can't fucking move my body right now. So it's hard to be like, oh, that's dry. This is not real. And then start laughing. Cause I was like, I can't fucking move. These things going to fucking nibble on me. I can imagine someone being incredibly terrified though. Cause you really feel, cause what I would get is the feeling of somebody stepping onto the bed. Like that feeling of somebody hopping onto the bed. So you're immediately, you panic. Cause like, oh, who's in my room? Who's there? And you see the figure and you feel and like get onto the bed and then suddenly he pushes you down and you cannot move. And it's, it is really terrifying. Oh, it's, it's one of the funniest things. Did you know you'll get it at least once in your life? So like everyone who hasn't had it yet, it's fucking common. And apparently the, cause we watched a documentary on it and that fucking sparked, like if you think about it before you go to bed, it like sparks it on. Yeah, yeah, it brings it on. I've, what would happen to me was I would go to bed and I would think, oh shit, I'm really tired. I hope this, that thing doesn't happen to me. And would happen every single time. Remember it was happening to me for like three months straight every night. It's fucking hilarious. I'd go to bed at that time and I'd wake up screaming. Cause you have to try and shake yourself awake. And he'd be like, oh, did it happen again? Yeah. He's like, huh. Yeah. Well you said me and Michael and Bosley all slept in one bed to save money when we first started making videos. And yeah, he'd always fucking wake me up in the middle of the night. Did you not hear me screaming? Because you think you're screaming but you're not fucking doing anything. And you can literally see around the room. Like your eyes are open. Yeah, your eyes are open. It's fucking crazy. So I think the size behind it is your, when you dream or when you go into a deep sleep there's like fucking brain chemicals that stop your body, numb your body. So when you think you're running in a dream it's sort of like paralyzes it so you can't move your body. But normally happens to your eyes as well and your brain but with sleep paralysis, your brain wakes up but your body is still paralyzed. It's cool. It's cool science. But yeah, we're all, we've all been there. We have haven't we? Delicious. Sucking cock. Next question. Suck each other's cock after. Next question. Rewind cock suck. Next question. Is that possible? Cock suckathon. No, you can enter there. Yeah, no, I sit like this. You sit there, Matt sits there. I lean this way. Matt, there you there. Oh, wow. Triangle cock suckathon. You can do that. That would hurt your back though. But the cum would make the pinky go. No, you can get down and lie down like a circle figure. So your leg's around me, my leg's around you and then Matt's around yours. And then bang, it'd be easier, be more comfortable than fucking sitting up. Matt, Matt's not looking at us right now. How much to do that? What? Suck a con. The triangle. Suck a thong. With me and Marty. The cock suckathon. How much you got? Okay. We don't do it, but you do it in a virtual world and we give you two grand. Wait, explain the virtual world. So we don't have to do it, but it happens, okay? But we don't know about it. What? It's a virtual world and you get two grand, but it's real for you. What? You've confused everyone. Yeah, you've confused me. Sleep paralysis, man. No one knows what's going on, man. Next question is from Fred Hill. Did you both live in Toowoomba? No, it was just me. I had a few fucking fucked up years in Toowoomba. And Toowoomba? I've got a lot of questions. Do you ever go back there? No, I've been back for ages. I like to go, I've still got some friends there and fucking Toowoomba boys, all absolute legends, but my God, that place is a fucking shit hole. Fucking fucked that place. Man, the amount of times we get, it had like the highest crime rate in Queensland for fucking years. It's just a fucking fucked cunt. It's just fucked. Do you know the place with the cannon? Yeah, that rings a bell. Yeah, there's a park where the cannon used to go as a kid there. I think I used to. Yeah, we used to put cannons in there and fire it off at buildings every now and then. Yeah, it was still working. Next question is from Dan Dillo. Would you rather live in a world without music or a world without restaurants? Oh, without restaurants? Yeah, I think I know the answer to that. Yeah, without restaurants. That's tough for you though. Next question is from Harry Bro. This is a good one. Do you know Aunty Donna? And if so, would you ever do a video with them? They're so funny. Yeah, the fucking we had the honour of having them on our... We had back in the day, we had like this fucking piece of shit. Fucking shit. Fuck off TV show. And we had them on as guests, so we got to hang out with them all day and interview them. And it was fucking hilarious. They're so funny. They've got a Netflix show. The big old House of Fun on Netflix. Give it a watch. It's fucking just trust me. It's strange. There's only six 20 minutes episodes, but just watch, all right? Just watch like three of them and trust me. And after that, go to their YouTube and watch their sketches because they're fucking great. And after that, go to bed because that's like what? It's gonna be so late by then. Two hours of fun. You got work in the morning. It's a school night. Holy shit, it is. Next question is from Az. If you guys were president for one day, what would you do? Also, can you add PayPal to the university site? Yeah, we're trying, you guys. It's apparently it's quite a pain in the ass and PayPal is also very fuck off-y because if like someone disputes, if someone gets charged via PayPal, there are so many people on the website who sign up for the website. And then I get so many fucking disputes via our Stripe account because people are saying that it's fraudulent. It's like, fucking don't sign up then. You don't want to fucking pay it because it's fucking everything up. So, but if that happens on PayPal, if someone disputes payments, it'll just fuck freeze everything. So it's, yeah, I don't know. We're trying to figure it out, guys. It's fucking, it's a whole nother world out there. Let me tell you that. Oh, yeah. So his question was, if you were president for a day, what would you do? I would make it so that I'm president for another 10 years. I'm gonna say if you're American president. I'd pardon Edward Snowden. I'd become a dictator. I'd say, and fuck off, I'm only president for one day. I'm fucking, I'm fucking signin' some shit now. You fucking cunt. I'm president for fucking 100 years, cunt. Even after I'm dead, cunt. I'm fucking president and then I'd fucking be president of Earth fucking 100 years, cunt. Would you bomb anything? Fuck, I can't. Any cunt fucking talks to me about shit, cunt. Fuck off your gay cunt. Off your fucking gay cunt, fucking bomb on cunt. With the fucking atom bombs, so there'd be radiation or just like missiles. Fucking radiation, well, I don't fucking get the cunts to dig a hole and fucking live down there, cunt. What about Nepal, would you like, with fire? I don't even know what that shit is, cunt. Yeah, fuck it. Ring an on, cunt. Oh, fuck it. Swim in it, cunt. Yeah. Oh, well. Next question is from Jacob Dickerson. Dick in Sun. Jacob Dick in Sun. Yeah. I don't know who this guy is, but maybe you guys do. Would you guys ever do a video with Kioti Koti? Koti Peterson? I don't know who that is. Yeah, either way, he seems like some sort of animal guy. Oh, yeah, I'm glad too. You showed me him. Yeah, he's fucking insane. Yeah, that's some painful shit. Sounds like fun. Yeah, animals and insects. Yeah, he just gets the most, he finds out which is the most painful sting of each animal of. Oh, and it is, it's fucking hilarious to watch it. That would be a rough job. Yeah, man, you'd get so nervous beforehand. Especially like, we get nervous today, just fucking slog and tennis balls at each other. Imagine having some fucking King Hornets sting your face. Yeah, all the, all the, all the superficial pain is gone. It only hurts when I touch the bruising. Is there bruise there? Not really, no, I don't really bruise like you do. You fucking get the fly, the fucking fly lands on these cunt and these fucking deep bruising. Next question. If you had to remove a body part, what would it be and what would it be? My fucking tonsils. What's it called? Neurion and testines. Your cancer, the cancer in your body, you'd remove that, I reckon. The fucking, the small tumors littered throughout your body. I don't know what it's called. Yeah, if I have cancer in my body, I'd remove that body part, but other than that, I'd probably have my tonsils or just fucking half. There's something that fucking people have near their intestines that get out. It gets infected heat sometimes. Appendix, yeah, get that out. I'd get shoulder blades, get them out, don't need them. What would happen? You just arms a bill, you'd be like them fucking air, fucking arm thing. Like an octopus. Yeah, fucking flying around ball. Next question is from Jan Deli. Jan Deli, after a rough time in my life, I'm aiming to be a pilot. Do you guys have any advice for me becoming a pilot? Our advice to you would be to do it. Yeah, get up in the morning, have a coffee first, decaf if you don't want caffeine. A bit of breakfast if you're hungry. Then I don't know, look at like you're to-do list, you might have to clean, you might have to like... Figure out what you got to do that day. If you got fuel in your car, then you don't have to get fuel, but if you need fuel- Obviously go to the service station if you need to fuel up on your way to the- Do you need groceries for later? Like you got to have cooked dinner later, so you're gonna have to fucking get that sort of- And get there and read the content that you need to read and do the tests and then practice flying. And be the best. Our advice is to practice flying, practice as much as you need to. Buy a plane. And then once you have your plane license, of course you're a pilot. So that's our advice. So do it. Do it hard. Enough. You fucking... Next question from Logan. If you both have children, what type of parents would you want to be? I'd let mine out into the straightaway as soon as it could walk. It leaves. I reckon you'd put yours outside, keep it nice and cool as a newborn. I'd let it be free. I'd let it go. Refrigerate it, make sure it stays fresh. I already have a stepdaughter. I already am a father enough. And it's fucking easy. All right, three more questions left. Next one's from Steven Hunt. Would you guys ever consider a career in sports commentary? Yeah, of course. Let's do it. I think you guys would be gunner, especially you, Mark. The UFC. Next question is from Donut Films. Who's better, Margaret Little or Arnold Fine? Fuck, imagine if they had sex. They're both men, boys. It's unlikely. Oh, that's right. I fucking forgot. Man, Margaret Fine is... Oh, I know. Arnold Fine. Margaret Fine. Margaret Little is like, she's super love. He's super lovely, but he's obviously got some hidden rage. But yeah, I enjoy Margaret's company as unpredictable as he is. He's good fun to be around. Arnold Fine is just constantly trying to sell us pigs. Arnold Fine is a cross between Nigel Thornberry and a Jack Hammer and Indiana Jones. You'd fucking hang out with them. That was it. I actually only had two. All right, there's a few secrets. All right, there's a few secrets, you guys. Get ready. Are they good or are they just rambling nonsense? Yeah, did you pre-read them? Yeah, I did pre-read these. There's some fucked ones. Just came back from an eight-month deployment with the Navy. When we were out in the Middle East, I was checking around the ship as part of my job, making sure everything is running sweet, and there's no fires or flood dangers. On my way to the last compartment of the ship, I caught our chef sucking off one of the lads. The lad that got sucked off has a wife and kids too. That place fries your head, but this only happened on our first week out there. That is fucked up. And this is the same guy who sent us a picture of his asshole with haemorrhoid on it. Yeah, that's strange. Yeah, so not only is he surrounded by fucked people, he seems... Maybe it's not his asshole he might have sent one through. Let's hope so. They're defending their freedoms. Do not question them. I like it. Yeah, so there you go. He caught someone, a chef sucking someone off, eh? All right, here's a secret for the pod car. So I've had this broken faucet in my bathroom for months, and no one ever uses it. So I've made that sink my primary ejaculation station. I must have blown at least 100 monstrous loads into that thing. My mum and brother visited recently for the holidays, and I happened to mention the broken faucet. The next day I come home from the shops just in time to find them fixing it. The water poured into the sink, and six months worth of coagulated spunk began to liquefy. My mum and brother were so curious as to what this creamy slimy substance was that they actually started picking it up with their hands and investigating it. Fuck off. I was so horrified, I almost threw up, and until this day I don't have the heart to tell them what it was. At least I can share my secret here with you fine gentlemen. Thank you. How do you blow into a faucet? I don't understand how the faucet blows into the sink, and then just runs down there, and then just sticks there, I guess. Oh, the drain. I've got to throw a question out. Wouldn't that shit go hard, and would it still be creamy? Well, it'd be hard, and then you add water, and it goes soft again. So who knows? It's something to try at home, everyone. Something to try. Wow, that's, I should test that. Man, that's a great secret. All right, secret number three. A few weeks ago, the cashier in the supermarket wasn't friendly to the customers, and then forgot to cash in my box with 20 bottles of water and two packages of soil for my garden. I noticed it, but decided not to say anything as a punishment for him being unfriendly to customers. I know that is so wrong for many reasons, but in that moment I felt very good about it and could barely hide a grin. A few days after I donated some money for an animal shelter because I felt I had to even it out. See, there you go. She's been nice, everyone. Otherwise, people will steal from you. Mm. Secret number three. Even Stevens. Secret number three. When I worked in an office before becoming a teacher, me and a coworker sometimes pranked each other. I took the official letters of the company and wrote him a termination. When I wanted to reveal it, it was too late to admit because he had talked to our supervisor already. He ended up in a huge fight with our supervisor and stabbed him in the back. The supervisor is actually dead now. Oh, you're making this up. Yeah, I made that up. Okay, talked to our supervisor already. They would have fired me knowing I misused official company letters, so I stayed silent. They were angry, but didn't know who to blame. So there was no consequence for nobody. Phew, of course I would have admitted it if there had been consequences for him. Fuckin', fuckin', eh? Oh, that's a tricky one. Yew! Ha-ha, yew! All right, that's all the fuckin' secrets. Keep those secrets comin' in, guys. That weren't bad. That weren't fuckin' bad. You guys pick a game, eh? I love the Fawcett one. Yeah, a Fawcett. Fawcett. All right. Ah! That's the name of the next segment and this is where we open up all this shit you guys send to our PO Box. Christmas time. Which is right here. The PO Box is right here. PO Box. Two, five, six, Tagan. Four, zero, one, eight. Hey. Queensland, Australia. Can you pass me a fuckin' knife, Matt? Yeah. That's not a DJ. I can't believe I fucked the pool with Brother. Don't! Don't it might fly out! Yeah, it nearly did, man. It's fuckin' dick. Lucky I had to stabbing it, Mike. Oh, everyone. Okay, thank you. Sorry. All right, let's say it's a little box here. Let me have a little bit of a... It sounds like teeth. It sounds like someone sent us teeth. It's tea. What's this stand from? That looks pretty. Cambodia? Wisconsin, USA. Oh, wow. These guys, they're struggling right now with the old ringworm. Shit. I have in front of me a tube of terror. A Carolina Reaper peanut challenge. For fuck's sake, it's so hot today. Warm, sticky biscuits. There are so many warnings on this. If it's worth doing, it's worth doing. All right, there are the rules. No food or drink. You have 10 minutes to finish the chew by eating only one to two peanuts at a time. You have to wait five minutes after the final peanut is... After the final peanut to complete the challenge. We're not fuckin' doing that. We're having one and that's it. This is so... I hate this shit. We've done too much of this lately. What do we do the other day? Fuckin'... The Carolina Reaper, the actual chili. For a website video. Can you guys smell that? I'm holding up to the microphone. Oh, it smells intense. Show me. Can you smell that? Comment what you think the smell is like. Oh, here we have a little ladder here. A little ladder to come with it. Not for use by anyone under the age of 18. Do not consume if you have any medical conditions. Michael? Oh, I'm ass. I had a kidney stone, so I'm out. Fuckin' hell. All right. This is, yeah, there's like a... I'm not gonna read it. There's a whole letter here saying how fuckin'... How they're not liable if we die. Wait, before we do this, let's enjoy our fuckin' other package. Maybe it'll be something to be a remedy to. Yeah, that is a good idea. Maybe we should do it at the very end of the podcast just cause fuckin' it's gonna take... We're just gonna be screaming for like fuckin' 20 minutes. Yeah, they probably fuckin' want that. Yeah, well then they can listen to that at the end. You know what I mean, brother? Yeah. All right, here we go. Another one. We don't have a name from anyone. Oh, I don't wanna do this. Maybe we'll forget and then just not do it this week, anyway. Can we do it next week? And the finale, we'll get Jackson to do it. Yeah, okay, Jackson will do it. Yes. Okay, guys, we're gonna do this next week with Jackson. It will remain right here. All right, we got a little letter here. It's a little package. Dear Marty and Michael, on the back of the key holder is your name. Have fun. Love you, big hug. SSA underscore Yeliza from Amsterdam. E-S-T-H-E-R underscore E-L-I-Z-A. Oh, that's little brush. Holy shit. It's fuckin' lovely. Oh look, they've got our little fuckin' logo on it. Holy shit, that's cool. Oh my God. This is lovely, look at this. Dude, we've got fucking wrap key chains. And we've got like little bands with our profile picture on them. Do you want to show that up to the camera. Marty, big hug. Yeah, it's lovely. Thank you very fucking much, Esther. Very fucking much. And what do we got here? I love you, Marty, big hug. Esther underscore Eliza. Let's give her a bloody follow on Instagram right now. Holy shit, dude. Oh, thank you anyway, Esther. I'm gonna fit on mine. I'm gonna Michael can wear and I'm gonna leave mine right here on the on the table so we can look at it every single week. So how's that? And I'll be sure to use this little keyring because I like reading nice things. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. Did we give her a follow? Yeah, we sure did. Sorry, I just took a wholesome shit. Look at these little buddy little bags that came in. Hey, this could be a little fucking cane bag or something. The marijuana. Oh, a little poppy. Is it? How long have we been going for that? We're just about to hit him now. That means it's time for prank. And that's the name of the segment today. And like I mentioned earlier, I'm going to call a butcher as Arnold fine and accuse them of giving me up to the police and say that they've stolen my pigs. All right, here we go. I'm actually a little bit nervous. This guy's like, I feel like this guy's gonna lose his shit. I'm fine. Christmas present. Yeah, pig. Matt, you fucking sit down. You fucking see. Always runs away. Coward. Hello. Is this a butcher? No, you're the wrong number, buddy. Matt, I'd listen here. My name Arnold fine. Someone tell police, someone tell police, I sell a legal pig and the police. Well, who else are you? Who else do it? Then the police can't come and argue with me. Come here. Police police come and take my pig away from my shop. And now I only have a six a chicken. Fuck off. I only have a six a chicken now. You want to buy a chicken? Why you'll be so angry with me? I just try so hard. This country is so difficult. I only moved here a few months ago. You shouldn't feed my family. My child sell pig and now they're gone. The pig is gone. Holy fuck, he went from zero to 100. Oh my God. He's so fucking angry. Dude, we have to go there. Dude, I'm fucking scared to go there now. What if he just fucking knives us? Oh, dude. Yeah, well, I guess because it's been like what five weeks now or four weeks already. He went from zero to 100 very quickly. I lose my pig. Oh, well, we'll have to move on to another butcher there. I sound to feel a bit bad. No, he gave him a good adrenaline rush. It's like a roller coaster ride for him. Now he's all on a high. He'll work harder. All right, should we eat one of them? No, we're doing that next week with Jackson for the finale. We're gonna eat those fucking deadly fucking peanuts next week. Did you hear that man? No. He went off his fucking night. We're gonna have to show you. He lost it instantly. What do you say? He just started screaming. Get down here and I'll fucking flog you. This is an harassment. So angry. If you ever find out it was us, we're very sorry. What do you mean upset you so much? Sorry, it's happened to me. It's far too much. Okay, we're gonna stop calling our butchers. We've clearly crossed some sort of line. At least it was a great fucking very entertaining. What's his butcher? No, we'll fucking get him a pig. We'll bring him a pig. Like we said, we would. He doesn't want a qualified one. We rock up there with a pig. He will stab me. He will shoot. I want to see it, dude. No, we'll get him a teddy bear pig. One of those little ones that came out that oink. Oh, dude. Or maybe we should just go give him some money or something. Just give him a little Christmas hamper. Yeah, it could go really wrong. Oh, dude, I love like it would be the video of the year if we brought a pig in. Or maybe we should. Maybe we should go in during the week, give him a gift and a peace offering and let him know that it was us. And yeah, we'll see what happens. Maybe we'll just make Julian go in. Oh, man, that was fucking great. That was very, very good. That was some great entertainment. We saved the day. Arnold Fine. You're a great man, even though butchers hate you. Arnold Fine. We'll be back in return, huh? Comment who you want to do the prank call next week. Margaret Little or Arnold Fine. Be back next week. Do we got Jackson coming on hopefully and fucking with the best? We got this in Chile. We're the fucking best. We're going to eat all those fucking chilies. Not all of them. Not all of them. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best.