 The Jack Benny program. Quality of product is essential to continuing success. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, so round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw. S-M-F-T, L-S-M-F-T, L-S-M-F-T. Sure thing. That's right. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco, so round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw. Take the word of the experts. Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. Yes, independent tobacco experts, auctioneers, buyers and warehusband present at the auctions, can see Lucky Strike consistently select and buy the finer, the lighter, the naturally milder Lucky Strike tobacco. So smoke that smoke of fine tobacco, Lucky Strike. Lucky Strike program, starring Jack Benny, with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester, Larry Stephenson, and your crew, since we're broadcasting from St. Albans Hospital, which is on Long Island, which is near New York, which is near Brooklyn, I bring you one of them bombs, Jack Benny. I thought that was a very cute introduction, but it so happened that our broadcast isn't coming from Brooklyn. And besides, I happen to be a bum from, I mean, I happen to be a native of Waukegan. Well, that's right, Jack. You were born in Waukegan, weren't you? Yes, sir. Waukegan, Illinois. What a thriving metropolis. What building? What skyscraper? Wait a minute, Jack. The tallest building in Waukegan is only three stories high. Yes, sir. What skyscraper? What activity? Jack, how can a three-story building be a skyscraper? Because Waukegan has a very low sky. You know, in fact, I didn't leave there until I completed my education. Oh, really, Jack? What college did you go to? I didn't go to college. You know, you don't have to go to college. Well, how long did you go to high school? I didn't go to high school. It's not necessary to go to high school. Well, for heaven's sakes, Jack, how long did you go to grammar school? Twelve years. You thought you had that, but I was drafted into the Navy. In the last war, they didn't draft men into the Navy. Well, I wasn't exactly drafted, Don. Here's what happened. You see, my father had a clothing store, and he sent me to Great Lakes Naval Training Station to deliver six sailor suits. Uh-huh. But when I got there, an officer asked me to try on one of those sailor suits for size. And what happened? Size didn't show up, and I had to wear it for the next three years. St. Albans Hospital and the research department, would you mind opening your mouth and saying, ah? Not at all. Ah. Uh, wider. Ah. What are you looking for? A place to hold the... Don, there's an old Chinese proverb that says, when big fat announcer laugh at man who pay him, announcer soon lose pay that keep him big fat. That nurse was pretty. You didn't have to... Hiya, boys. It's Anker's away cause Harris is here and he's G. Now, so pull up your stern and take a bow. Phil. Oh, Harris, you're like a pacific. You're so weighty and you're so terrific. Phil. And when did you come in? I've been here all the time. And Phil, what's that new one you pulled on us? What does that mean? G-O-K. Well, that's the title the doctors gave me around here. But G-O-K, what does it mean? I don't know. I gave a pint of blood this morning and that's what they wrote on the bottle. Oh, well, that probably means the type. But, Phil, I can't understand them accepting your blood. What are you talking about? I gave eight planks of blood already and they want more. Well, don't feel so proud. They're only using it for back rubs. The clients have certainly made great progress since the last war. You know, we didn't have plasma when I was in the Navy. You're right, Jack. The scientists and doctors have been wonderful. Them nurses ain't bad either. You're not kidding, Phil. Those nurses do a great job and they need a lot more of them. Say, Jackson, I meant to ask you, when you were in the Navy, what was your rank? Well, I was a seaman fourth class. Seaman fourth class? What's that? That's an ensign with the air let out of his chest. Yeah? Yes, Mr. Benny. Come on in over here. What have you got to sing for the boys? Well, it's called an Irish lullaby. Oh, yeah. My mother used to sing that to me all the time. Go ahead. Just a simple little ditty. Marks are sounded good, too. Just stepped out for a minute. You ready for me to lead Larry's song now? Phil, we just finished the song. Now, one of the music sounded better. I conducted the orchestra. Hey, buddy, who are you? I'm the janitor here. Oh, it's the first time you've been so late. Where were you? I was outside talking to a couple of sailors. Well, Mary, I hope you didn't overdo it like the last time we played at a naval base. You talked to a sailor and in five minutes his whole face was marked with lipstick. Jack, sailors don't refer to those Marks as lipstick. They call them campaign ribbons. Campaign ribbons are something you get after a battle. Well, I put up a little fight. How's the show going? Oh, great. You should have been here. I pulled a wonderful gag before. I said they used Phil's blood for back rubs. Well, you're a fine one to talk. What do you mean? You donated a pint of blood. They gave it to a soldier. It made him so cheap, he shot a jack, then ran after him to get the bullet back. A attraction this evening. I, Jack Benny, will play a violin solo. Oh, hey, Jackson. I thought you played the fiddle in that picture, Hollywood canteen. Oh, did you, Phil? I'm going to see it tonight. Oh, no, Jack, not again. Yes, Mary, and you're going with me. But, Jack, we saw it last. I know, but who can enjoy it under those circumstances? Why, what happened, Jack? Oh, I'd rather not talk about it. Come on, Jackson, tell us about it. Well, I had a day to take Mary to see the picture. It was early in the evening, and I was in my hotel getting ready to go out. In fact, at the moment, I was taking a bath. It was so good a tub. Hmm, just look at my feet. How to get so dirty. I'd better scrub. See, it doesn't seem to... Oh, darn it, I forgot to take my socks off. Can't think of everything. Say, boss, I just finished ironing your shirts and your shorts. Good. See, this water's nice and warm. Do you want me to get you some socks or will you wear the ones you have on? It'll look like Charlie's hand at the seaside. Well, you don't think I want to get my hair wet, do you? No, and you won't unless you splash some water into the top viewer drawer. With that, now pick up the washcloth and scrub my back. Okay. Ah, that feels good. Keep it up. Say, Rochester, sitting in this water reminds me that I ever tell you about the time I was in the Navy and they gave me a medal because I was... Thousands of times, boss, thousands of times. I mean, never mind. If you're not interested in hearing about me when I was a sailor, it's okay. I'm sorry, boss. What a sailor I was. I joined the Navy and it was promotion after promotion. In old time, I was a rear admiral commanding the ship, sailing the seven seas. And I remember one time... Rochester, stop rippling the water. It's making me seasick. You're a seasick rear admiral. Busy and finished washing my back. Oh, lift that soap. Sometimes I wish I was with Bob Hall. Be with somebody else. Last week, you wanted to be with Fibber McGee. Love that. Everybody, now stand back while I... There's the door. You see who it is and I'll dress in here. Yes, sir. Do you want me to get your girdle, boss? Girdle? Rochester, I've asked you not to call it that. Oh, yes. You want me to get your foundation garment, boss? I need it. I'm going to wear my baggy tweed. Now go. Hurry up and see who's at the door. Yes, sir. Miss Livingston, come in. Well, thank you, Rochester. Where's Mr. Benny? He'll be out in a minute. He's getting dressed. Oh, say, Rochester, you're glad we're in New York, aren't you? Yes, ma'am. You know, Miss Livingston, last week I met a girl up there. That's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. Really? Yes, ma'am. She's like Lena Horne accentuating the positive. She's in a nightclub. She's a cigarette girl. The cigarette girl? Yeah, and she means as much to me as LSMFT. Hey, well, smile at me. And I bought every package of lucky strikes. Yeah. You did? Yeah. Then I took an option on next year's crop. You talk this way about a girl. Do you think you'll marry her? Well, that'll be discussed with the next meeting of the big three. The big three? Yes. Manhattan Coke. Here we are. Where you going, boss? We're going to see my picture. I look like a king in a giant pan-tan. Well, boss, you were there this afternoon. I don't care. I want to see how I look at night. Three stars, and he calls it his picture. All right. All right. This shoving's not your shoving. Get on the ticket line. Have you read what the movie critic said about this picture? Nope. Well, they said, quote, Hollywood canteen jammed with a star-studded cast is one of Hollywood's finest pictures. Among the many entertaining performers are Betty Davis, Eddie Cander, Barbara Stanley, Jack Carson, Jane Wyman, and Jack Benny, contributes one of the most hilarious bits in the picture by his violent of you say I'm just going in here to get out of here he can't even be sociable I only try to tell him what the critic said well don't take it to heart Jack and close your scrapbook okay oh Mary look isn't that cute that little boy is trying to buy a ticket he can hardly reach the box office window oh sunny I'll help you sunny Jack stop calling him sunny that's mayor LaGuardia were there two passes left here for me are this picture for you miss Davis this I'm Jack Benny that's why I'm Jack Benny Jack she believed just stop opening your scratch this part and buy two tickets here you are miss two tickets yes sir here's your tickets here's your change wait a minute sister wait a minute you charge me evening prices instead of matinee price Mr. Benny our price has changed at five o'clock and it's seven o'clock now so what I come from California and it's only poor I'm not gonna stand here and see Fred Allen come on let's go inside watch out Portland the sidewalks are pretty slippery don't worry Mr. Allen I've got hold of your arms and he's picture they waited till they put the lights out on Broadway and then they sneaked it into town so stop calling me Mr. Allen we've been eased out of more hotels that way to see Benny's picture I've seen more entertaining pictures tattooed on a sailor's arm keep on hating Jack it's because he's so jealous now you won't believe this Portland but when other entertainers become famous Benny instantly tries to steal their stuff really of course you remember when Fritz Fritz Chrysler became a thought there was no R in the Fritz that's another month I thought of it when Fritz Chrysler became famous I had a mixed up with an old oyster opener Chrysler became fair famous Benny took up the violin when Sinatra became popular Benny took a course in malnutrition when Benny had pneumonia yes he caught it trying to imitate Gypsy Rose Lee and he's chest is so narrow pneumonia had to set in sideways I don't admit that he uses his head of course he uses his head he's got to have something to separate his neck from his to pay those maybe he gives them to gravel Gertie wait a minute I didn't start that rumor even the tight wards called Benny a tight war I remember one summer when Jack was out on a dude ranch he kept his money in a Wildcat's mouth Frank Buck had to go with him if he wanted to spend anything to show you I'm a sport I'll take you in to see Benny's picture here's the box office oh miss miss yes I'm any please forgive me for interrupting your nap miss but I'd like to take it yes that's two dollars and forty cents a dollar twenty a ticket to see Jack Benny's picture but there are sixty two stars in the picture sir oh sixty that makes Benny cost me two cents inflation is sure here come on the picture don't you uh-huh gotten the same joke as that are they love me and say Joe Jack be quiet the people who just sat down behind us want to see the picture and stop bobbing around Mary if they don't like to pardon me mr. what do you want but it's kind of hard for me to see the picture will you please do me a favor and remove your head losing your temper oh it's you Alan why Jack you seem surprised to see me I am surprised I thought that after you saw your shadow on Friday you crawled back into your hole like if I didn't have such great respect for old age I'd punch you right in the nose listen now if you start anything with me I'll slug you right back and a boy hit him Fred Mary you racing is again in the spotlight we all know why rationing is necessary simply to give each of us a fair share of the items that are short the needs of our armed forces are steadily growing and right now more than ever they must have the things our country can supply now here's how you and I can support rationing don't buy ration goods without paying ration points and full refuse to pay more than ceiling prices destroy canceled ration stamps don't give them to anybody whenever possible by low low point or no point fools thank you very much here is my good friend Effie Boone old American it takes fine tobacco to make a fine cigarette so smoke that smoke a fine tobacco lucky strike yes lucky strike means fine tobacco the finer the lighter the naturally milder lucky strike tobacco so smoke that smoke a fine tobacco lucky strike so round so firm so fully packed so free and easy on the draw the famous tobacco auctioneers heard on tonight's programmer Mr. L. A. speed rigs of Goldsboro North Carolina Mr. Effie Boone of Lexington Kentucky that's all right they'll speaking for lucky strike L. S. M. F. T. Yes lucky strike means fine tobacco and fine tobacco means real deep down smoking enjoyment for you so smoke that smoke a fine tobacco lucky strike so round so firm so fully packed so free and easy on the draw very much fellas were inviting us here to the St. Albans Naval Hospital we enjoyed doing our program for you and next Sunday night folks will be broadcasting from the Glenview Naval Air Station Glenview Illinois and two weeks from today will be in good old St. Joe St. Joe they love me there it's not you it's me good night national broadcasting company