 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Johnathan Asley of JohnathanAsley.com, and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today. Our topic, the five questions men ask when they're falling in love. We're going to get into that in a second. Really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the Subscribe button. Hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if any time during this video the content resonates with you, please hit that Like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Really quickly, my coaching is what I call heart-centered radical honesty. It's direct, a little tough love and a lot of heart. And occasionally I use expletives to enhance the sentence. So if an F-bomb or two isn't your cup of tea, I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, these are my thoughts, my perceptions, my opinions. By no means do I suggest this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a bit of a contrarian, so my advice goes contrary to public opinion and traditional expectations. That's all I ask is you give me a chance. All right, let's talk about those five questions men ask when they're falling in love. So really quickly, I wanna be transparent with you. I saw this title posted by several of my contemporaries and what was interesting is they approached it from the perspective of the five questions they asked themselves when they fall in love. But I thought about what kind of hints, what kind of questions are men asking you when they really like you, when they really are starting to have feelings for you beyond the surface. So I thought we'd dig in from the perspective of what you might be hearing versus what they might be saying inside their head. Now I wanna start this broadcast by saying, I had a great week last week. Last week, I had two clients reach out to me, one who just finished my private coaching program about four months earlier. And she told me, gave me the heads up, that she's been in a six week relationship and they're inseparable. And she said she knows the difference, she knows the difference. And that's one of the things I like about when I work with a client is when they meet men they can tell the difference. The men who are actually leaning into love versus those men who are love bombing, those men who are coming on strong only to disappear later. And then my other client who worked with me about seven months ago, well, she texted me to tell me that she got engaged and I was so happy for her. And I'll be candid with you. I don't think she'd mind me sharing this is that she lives in Alaska of all places. And I really thought it was gonna be hard for her to meet someone in Alaska. Although in retrospect, there's probably more men in Alaska than there are women. So ladies, if you wanna go to a target rich environment you may wanna move to Alaska, not that I'm recommending that, but I was very excited for her. So it was a really great week. Up until Thursday. So it was a good week Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and then Thursday, I received a call from a prospective client and she shared her story of being really let down in a relationship. And then later that day, I had another one and another one and another one. In fact, in the last three or four days I've heard so many stories from women who have engaged in a relationship with someone only to have the person turn around. And what I mean by turn around, it was almost to the extent that they were a completely different person. And it really saddens me to think of what's happening today in the dating, mating or relating realm. I've seen a real shift in dating in the last five or six years, partly because of these devices, these devices. I think it's bastardized the dating process, the swipe dating process. In fact, there are now so many movies on how the algorithms are designed to keep you swiping, swiping, swiping. So the companies make money. And even the more, we'll say, reputable companies, the ones that are the dating sites, not the dating apps, although they all have dating apps associated with them, even the way they operate, they're actually hiding so many people. In other words, hiding your ability to meet people and it's becoming very distressing that the system is designed to keep everyone in failure mode. I'm gonna repeat that. The system is designed to keep everyone in failure mode. In fact, I don't know if you saw the recent Matrix movie, The Matrix 4, but it said negative emotions now generates more energy than positive emotion. People who are hyper-sensitive, their emotional state is in a state of anxiety, depression and flux to keep people in the flux actually promotes more energy. And it really saddens me. And I do believe that dating triggers our number one emotional health issue that's plagued most everyone else on the inside is suffering in some way, shape or form of not feeling good enough, not feeling likable and not feeling lovable. And imagine this and it saddens me because I'm seeing a habitual experiences from my women and myself included where you get all excited about someone and then there's a let down and you get excited about someone and there's a let down. And I spend a tremendous amount of time, a tremendous amount of brain power asking myself, how can we do this better? How can this dating process be better? Because the reality is is these days we're meeting total strangers and we're meeting strangers. We really know nothing about them. And if they don't have either a social media footprint or they don't have any friends in their town and they're not connected with their family and there's like five degrees of separation from you and the other person that makes it very difficult to feel a level of trust. And I don't, I'm not saying this to scare people. I'm saying this to actually wake human beings up, it's time to not look at this dating process from a naive perspective. I know many of my contemporaries got married at a young age and these are people who are relatively emotionally mature and they met someone else who was relatively emotionally mature and they started families with them. But for our age bracket, it's a fucking shit show out there. And I'm sad to say, I think it requires being way more diligent in the past. The beginning phase. So we avoid going down the rabbit hole with the wrong person. This is why I've been lately recommending this book. If you haven't read it by Malcolm Gladwell, talking to strangers, what we should know about the people we don't know. And part of why I'm saying this, it's interesting. I've been reading this book by the founder of eHarmony. It's called Two Dates Are Less. Two Dates Are Less by the founder of eHarmony. Why am I bringing this up? Is it talks about the 25 qualities that our most must-haves to determine compatibility? And why I'm leaning into this today because I believe ever since the dating apps, ever since really, look, when I was in my 20s and 30s, my friends and I would go out Friday and Saturday night and the whole thing was you go to bars or dance clubs to pick up chicks. It was like, it's Friday night, let's go pick up chicks. It's Friday night, let's go pick up chicks. And back then the whole dating process was completely different, although alcohol was involved. So oftentimes you might get lucky and I'm not professing that's the right way of going about it, but it was a whole different organic feeling. In fact, when I met my ex-wife, not only did she know several of my closest friends, she grew up in the city right next door to me. We had a lot in common. And while it didn't work out and that's okay because we have a couple of beautiful children from the process, although sadly Connor's not here. Oh, sorry, that affected me. For those who don't know, I lost a child a few years ago. So when I shared that, it just totally brought it all right in my consciousness. So let me bring it back to where I was going. When I met my wife, there was a sense of synergy and today we're meeting total strangers. And I think it's incumbent upon us, especially if you didn't see the Netflix series, Tinder Swindler, to really, I think it's time to be more diligent. And this is in particular in the area when we sleep with someone. And while I'm not the biggest fan of the following book, I'm gonna recommend, I'm starting to wonder if this makes more sense. Is the book by Steve Harvey called, act like a lady, think like a man. And again, I'm not suggesting buy this book, but he has a philosophy and I'm gonna read it. Just the chapter number 11, the 90 day rule. And his philosophy is you wait 90 days to have sex. And I really am starting to wonder if that doesn't make more sense to hold off the physicality of a relationship until you've actually established some level of trust. And folks, you know, I talk about this frequently. It takes about a hundred hours of face-to-face time just to build level one of trust. And that might take 10 days. And quite frankly, as we get older, we are dealing with a far more dysfunctional population. Just because someone is older doesn't mean their relationship skills are any better than a 20 year old. In fact, I think as we age, we become more and more dysfunctional because there's more layers upon layers of dysfunctionality that's happened in our life. And if you're not familiar with my chart called emotional maturity and relationship skills, by the way, really quickly, this is not a fact. This is an opinion. I roughly believe 20% of the population has clinical issues. These are people, I mean, I'm not gonna get into it, but these are people that have, listen, I'm not suggesting clinical issues doesn't mean they can't be in a relationship, but it makes it challenging to be in a relationship. And by the way, over here, I say 20% is emotionally healthier as good skills. I'm being ridiculously generous because the vast majority of the population is dysfunctional. And look at, I'm starting to believe it's going to be the needle in the haystack and any of my contemporaries that are selling you on this fantasy, it's time folks to wake up to study human behavior. In fact, I did a post the other day on Instagram that said in 1996, it used to be you had me at hello, and in 2020 you had me at I do therapy. You know, I'm wondering now, how important is it to ask these really deeper questions? And I talk about this continually about being radically honest, but asking deeper questions before you invest time in the wrong person because we've all been indoctrinated in this belief that chemistry equals relationship success. And that's the furthest thing from the truth. And if you're not familiar with my chart on relationship iceberg chart, you can see chemistry is where we notice attraction, but compatibility is really, do we share the same values? Do we have lifestyles blendable? And is this person emotionally mature? And as we feel into these, the waterline of attraction drops and we feel greater attraction. By the way, someone said it's time to laminate these and put it in a professional manner. Folks, if someone's willing to do it for me, I'm happy. You would, you know, to mail it to me if as long as it fits in a three by six card, that would be great or whatever. This is a half a sheet of paper, three by eight or five by eight, excuse me. So why am I so emphasizing this so much right now before I get into how man demonstrates love? Because listen, I'm your big brother. If I could be there on a first date for you to have the shotgun out pointed at the guy's face and say, what are your intentions with my little sister? And what I mean to say is when we're dating strangers and we know nothing about them, there's no fear on their end to be caught, to really care about your feelings. But listen, if you knew, if your big brother was gonna kick the shit out of the guy, he might be a little bit more conscious. And I'm telling you today, people are showing up completely self-serving. And at the same time, people are falling in love all the time, just like my two clients. So what's the antidote to this? Folks, I recommend a tremendous amount of books to help prepare you. One in particular is my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? By the way, there's a link below to get all the books I recommend. This is a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work to prepare you for the shit show that we're out there. And everybody knows my line. Before the penis goes inside the vagina, you both should be reading the book, Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman. Folks, it's time to set a higher standard. It's time to set boundaries. Because the worst thing you can do is invest in the wrong person and then find yourself emotionally devastated. And this is what's happening over and over again. And I think it's time to really slow the sexual process down. Whether it's Steve Harvey's 90-day rule or reading this book before you have sex, you wanna weed out the looky-loos because there are a lot of buyers and there are a lot of liars out there, as it's said in sales. And you wanna know who's really legit. And so what I'm about to share gives you a little insight into where maybe guys might actually be falling in love and be legit. So I wanna share with you the five questions. These are just off the top of my head. There's probably dozens of questions being asked. These are just some that I think will make a difference. By the way, is this content so far making a difference? Give me an amen in the corner. Tell me this, give me a thumbs up right now. Hit a thumbs up here, but let me know that what I just shared for the last 10 minutes is sinking in. Please let me know. Because I'm really talking about dating with a level of intentionality and not this surface level dating that's happened. Believe me, I am guilty of surface level dating. So I mean, I'm speaking from a place of I've done this as well. So let's jump into those five questions you ask. All right, number one. If a man, here's one I thought of. I thought this might be cool. For the guys who are more evolved, they might ask you what your love language is. What your love language is. If you're not familiar with the book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. If a man asks you what your love language is, that's a really good sign. Now I can't guarantee that that's gonna lead to him falling in love with you, but I do believe that someone who's read some of these books and asks you that question, by the way, most people today are aware of this book. This is a popular book for men and women alike. So I think that's a good sign that he wants to, he wants to lean into exploring something deeper than the surface. That's what all of these are. These are just questions that are designed to wanna go beyond the surface. So number one, what's your love language? Number two, I think this is a really good question. Oh, by the way, coming back to the love language, I said, even if he doesn't know the book, a man will wanna know how you wanna be in love, how you want to be loved. So just let me say this, he might not know the book, but he might ask you how do you wanna be loved if he's not aware of the book. All right, number two, where do you see yourself in five years? Now this is a question a lot of women ask men, but I think a man who genuinely is falling for you wants to get a sense of where you see your future. Now keep in mind, for the 20 year olds and 30 year olds, they're asking completely different questions. And that's actually a question that 20 or 30 year old might ask, but certainly for those of us in our 40s, 50s and 60s, that gives you an indication that he's trying to get a sense of where you see yourself in your life so he can go, can I fit into her life? Can she fit into my life? I mean, that's a question where that's, by the way, men who are genuinely serious about a relationship are gonna be asking you those questions, design, how does she fit into my life? How do I fit into her life? And I think that's a great question to ask as well. All right, so next, number three, I thought this was a cute one. What's something you can't stand in life? What's something you can't stand in life? He's trying to get a sense of your deeper personality. I think this is an interesting question because this really goes beyond the surface of how's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. Most people, they're hyper focused on how your day is going and not asking the deeper questions about your personality. By the way, one of the things in the book, Eight Dates, it talks about the importance of discussing, hold on, let me show you this, conflict resolution skills, sex and intimacy, money, family and growth, adventure and play, these are deeper questions that people that ask these deeper questions, someone wrote five years from now, I hope I'm alive and healthy, I love that one, but asking these deeper questions gives you a sense that they want to know more about you than the surface. And number four, and I actually got this from a younger gentleman, he was in his mid 30s and one of his primary criteria centered around financial status. So the question is what's your financial history or status because money plays a big role in the survival today. Folks, 80% of Americans make less than $100,000 a year in the significant population of the midlife or divorce. So there's alimony, child support, visitation rights, raising children and money is a big component of this. So I was speaking of this 30 year old man, one of his main criteria, his non-negotiable was, I don't wanna date someone who's in debt. And that was because he was in relationship with several women who had major continual money problems. So I think a man who asks you about money is actually not, listen, I know they could be trying to scan you. I'm talking about a more evolved relationship than a first, second or third date. But I think it's important to understand that's a critical question to determine compatibility with one another. And number five, and again, there's dozens of questions a man might ask. These are just five that I shared. I love this question because it's something near and dear to my heart because the question is, what's your greatest passion and what brings you joy? What is your greatest passion and what brings you joy? I think that's a question that a man, listen, a man who's only in it for the short run, he's not gonna ask most of these questions, but when a man asks what's your greatest passion, what's your joy, that's someone who really wants to get to know you beyond the surface. And that's what this is all about because folks, as I shared with you, it's a fucking shit show out there. I mean, can we agree it's a mess out there dating and it is not gonna get any better. This whole, by the way, part of it is because the world is in chaos right now. There is so much emotional chaos going right now just to actually find two people that are compatible with one another is becoming progressively harder. So look at, we can bury our heads in the sand or we can give up on love. We can give up on finding a life mate. I refuse to give up on a life mate. I lean into that desire that we feel that chemical attraction for one another, that desire that we feel, that level of banter and communication that can go on for hours and hours of the time. I have that desire where we can blend our lives together. I have that desire where we share the same values with one another and we have the emotional skills and relationship skills to lean into deeper love, especially when there's conflicts and challenges in relationship and last and most importantly, that we can develop those roots of trust and we do those things like shared values or excuse me, a social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, playing, spending time with family and friends, intimacy, both physical and emotional, intimacy together and that we speak each other's love language and those roots build trust because trust is not just simply, trust is not just simply, I trust that you won't cheat on me, trust is I can trust that your, my feelings matter to you as much as your feelings matter to my, my feelings matter to you as much as they matter to me and vice versa. And that's my invitation, that prayer that I invite you all to a call into your life. Oh, can I get an amen? All right, those five questions a guy asked when he's starting to have deep feelings for you and he's falling in love. I hope that help give you some insight into the guys who are the lucky lose and the guys that are possibly might go beyond the surface and go deeper with you because let's face it, look it, there's a lot of fucked up people out there. We are all human and we have issues but at the same time, when reading all these books and doing the personal development work I invite you all to do is actually becomes a magnetic attractor for what you desire and just like those two clients that called me last week I want you to experience that. And by the way, if you want some support and help check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you. All right, it's time for Q and A. All right, if you have a question, post the word question then write the question there after or you can purchase a Super Sticker Super Chat. All the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley. That's him there, that's him there, that's him there. He's my son who passed away a few years ago as I mentioned earlier in the broadcast. And in his honor, I started a scholarship fund to defray the cost of personal development and also to support those personal development workshops like the Hoffman process and Insight seminars. Actually, Insight seminars in Los Angeles, Google it right now, Insight seminars, Insight, I-N-S-I-G-H-D Insight seminars. In March, they're going to be hosting their live event, their first one since COVID all happened. I highly recommend checking it out. I'll try to put a link in the description after this broadcast Insight seminars. I highly, highly, highly recommend it. It changed my life, it really changed my life along with the Hoffman process. All right, let's see what we have in the Q and A board here today. All right, Jennifer writes, why are the same men on dating sites for years, serial daters? Actually, it's the exact same number of men that are on dating sites that have been on for years are the exact women who have been on dating sites for the same years. So when you can answer me the question, why are the same women on there? You'll have your answer, Jennifer. Good question. All right, we see a lot of amens, amens, amens. I saw a question earlier. All right, this is Miriam writes, question. Hi, and thank you. When you speak of holding off sex, are you specifically referring to penis and vagina only? What about other forms of sex? What about kissing? Great question. So anyone who knows Dr. Pat Allen would say, make sure that the penis can't go into any of the holes. So I'm certainly a big proponent of PDA and kissing. I think that's a good start, okay? I think as you build trust with someone, you can move up to the levels of second base, third base and home runs. Look, I'm really trying to encourage a slowing down process. This process now has been so amped up that it used to be when I first started dating after my divorce, it was called the three-day rule, base three-date rule, excuse me. If you weren't laid by the third date, you weren't gonna get a fourth date. That's certainly better than it was back in my day when we used to just get drunk and try to have sex when you're at a bar with someone. But I'm here, I did a blog once called the 10-date rule. And what that means is if a man invests 10 dates in you, at least he's more likely to be around the long run. So really getting somewhere between the six, seven, eight, ninth and 10th date, I'm not saying you have to have sex. I'm saying here vet the motherfucker because I'm not there with the shotgun at pointing at his nose and saying, what are your intentions with my sister? So I'm here to say, okay, sex is basically free. There's no, barely do you need commitment. Do you know how many women I speak to who have had, who have been in a relate, they've been with somebody for five months and they've never discussed monogamy and exclusivity. Think about that, five months, they haven't discussed monogamy and exclusivity, but they're fucking each other on a regular basis. I mean, I don't know, maybe I'm a Puritan, maybe I'm not designed for this generation anymore. By the way, I'm guilty of this, so I can't say this, but as a coach, I think it's time to go back to a, not a traditional way of dating because I'm here to acknowledge a different. I'm here to look at, I'm here to encourage asking much deeper questions to determine compatibility. Coming back to the book, Two Dates, this is really an interesting book to really determine because what the founder of e-harmony, I'm not here to recommend e-harmony, but his philosophy is if you take compatibility and ignite it with chemistry, that's a winning recipe. But these days we focus on chemistry, we have sex and then we find out we're incompatible with people. And by the way, I'm here to profess, I'm doing my own part to be due diligent about this and not jump into it. Now I'm guilty over the years, times, but I think one of the reasons why I've been single for a little bit longer than I expected is because finding a real compatible partner who meets me where I wanna be met beyond the bedroom in compatibility so we can create that tapestry together is progressively getting harder, especially with an environment where it's so divisive here in the United States, it's Democrats or Republicans, it's masks, it's no masks, it's war, this. I mean, I'm gonna blow up thinking about it. At the same time, I still hold hope, I have my prayer. And I hold on to that prayer because I trust that the universe, God, universe, spirit, Gus has my back. And no matter when it happens, and even if it doesn't happen, I know that I'm in a space of loving myself. And that's my invitation for all of you. All right, so coming back to your question, you know what, you can do whatever you want, but let me put you this way, I don't think I'd go on a third, fourth, or fifth date if we weren't kissing, at least that. But that's just me, you have to decide that for yourself, thank you so much for that question, Miriam. All right, let's go swim moon, question, oh Miriam again. Oh, same question, excuse me. Let's see, question, Holly, okay. Question, had a date with a guy, he said he didn't have any spark with me, he didn't wanna see me again. What should I have said to him? Thank you. There's an old saying, rejection is God's protection, but you know what I appreciate? You know what, he was honest. I've now been saying that, you know, I've had a situation where I had a date with someone, we had a good time, but I just wasn't feeling emotional connection with them, actually it was three dates. I just, you know, I was kind of like, you know, the whole saying you just never know, I was holding space to see if it would happen, but I wasn't feeling connected with this person. And I said, literally I said in the text message, well, she asked me, she goes, I noticed you're pulling back and I said, yes. And she goes, why? And I go, I'm not feeling an energetic connection with you. I think you're a nice person, we have, you know, some things in common, but I wasn't feeling it. And I didn't feel, I felt it was disingenuous, disingenuous or disingenuous, which one is it? To make an investment if I wasn't feeling some sort of feelings for her. So I actually commend him for being honest. Now, it doesn't feel good hearing that, course it doesn't, but folks, look it, you dodged it. So the invitation I ask yourself is, what positive things did you learn about yourself from this experience? What was good? What are you most grateful for? Start looking at it from an introspective place instead of a judgment place that he's bad and he's wrong and men are bad and men are wrong. So I give them a lot of props for that one, Holly. I hope you do too. All right, question. Cindy asks, question, what's your opinion of the dating shows? For example, Bachelor or Love is Blind? It's funny, someone brought that up to me the other day, Love is Blind. So I remember watching the first and second episodes of The Bachelor, I remember the first one and I was intrigued, I mean, I got sucked in. This was probably 2004, 2005, I think, give or take. And then there was Tristan Ryan. By the way, are Tristan Ryan still married? And I'll never forget, Ryan wrote a poem for her. And actually, I literally started writing poetry after that. I remember it inspired my poetic side. So I have a strong memory of that. But after that, it just became, I mean, reality TV has just become a shit show for me. I can't stomach reality TV. And the Love is Blind, you know, it's interesting because our ego, Love is Blind, but our ego gets in the way. I'm gonna repeat that, Love is Blind, but our ego can absolutely get in the way. And I think there was that one couple in the first season where he was a personal trainer, she was blonde, I think he was Latin descent or something. And when she saw him, you could just see the look when she finally saw him. I mean, she literally, I thought she was gonna throw up. And I felt bad for him. Because the poor guy was trying so hard after they madly fell in love with each other across the screen that our egos do play a part of it because that wasn't love operating. In fact, I've watched women, I've witnessed women who have been with men who are completely unattractive. Oh, my favorite, Donna Dixon and Dan Ackroyd, okay? Not a very good looking guy, Dan Ackroyd. But boy, Donna Dixon, I mean, I was in love with Donna Dixon back in the day. Sunny, sunny, sunny, sunny, sunny. If anyone remembers that TV show. But you know what? She fell in love with this personality, not as looks. And so when we're focused on looks, yeah, that can be our ego talking in some cases. So coming back to the show, I think they're all, I think reality TV is part of the reason why we're in a fucked up society right now. It's, you know what? Because we don't have enough heart centered shows. We have dysfunction shows that are literally, and by the way, think about Instagram. Think about this thing called Instagram. Do you know, I was watching a show the other day and was watching, excuse me, I was listening to a podcast that talked about Jordan Peterson was interviewing a woman. And she was saying how young girls are committing suicide at rates never seen before because technology has made it so prevalent, so excuse me, social media fear of missing out has created such anxiety for people in a way that never existed before. We are in a whole, because of social, because of these devices and social media, we are in a world that human beings weren't prepared, I don't believe prepared for. We are, it's gonna take generations upon generations before they're ever really prepared for the nightmare shit show we're dealing with right now. And if anyone doesn't think otherwise, I'm sorry, you're living in a fantasy world. Watch the movie, Social Dilemma. And by the way, I'm using social media to connect with you, but this is my television channel. By the way, I love YouTube. Raise your hand if you love YouTube. I think YouTube is at least a great portal to connect to people. And I've actually stopped, I barely am on Facebook except for my private group. By the way, there's a link below to check out my private group where I interact with members, but it's not my private group and on Facebook and everything else I could care less about. And even Instagram, I can't stand it because it's like that pellet, that hamster trying to get the pellet, the pellet, pellet. And by the way, young boys are suffering, young girls are suffering in ways that we weren't prepared for. And as parents, thank God my son, my thank God my son isn't into Facebook or Instagram. He barely has, I don't even think he uses it. Thank you, Colin. That's Colin right there, my oldest son. I'm happy because he's gonna be moving next door to me or nearby me, I get to see him a lot more. So what was the question again? I get so sidetracked. Yeah, so coming back to these shows, I'm talking about reality TV. I think it's a waste of time. You know what, these days, I'm almost not even watching TV anymore. I'm listening to podcasts. I'm totally immersed in Jordan Peterson and Sam Harris. Love these guys. I'm listening to the Stoics. I'm listening to so many different unique podcasts. Mark Groves, have you heard of Mark Groves? Oh my God, I love his podcast. I think there's another podcast called The Spiritual Gangster. There's my podcast called the What Would Love Do podcast. By the way, there's a link below. So anyway, to answer your question, that's my opinion on all that. By the way, if you have another question to ask me personally like that, feel free to ask that as well. All right, Cindy, thank you so much for that. I really appreciate it. All right. Oh, Holly sends a $5 super sticker. Thank you so much. It goes to the Conor Asley Scholarship Fund. Jennifer says, thank you for answering my question about the same men on dating sites. There are more single women than men, so they have more options. I don't know if that's true, that's the suspicion, but it's only off by 1% either way or 2%. That's my opinion anyway. Kelly says, vetting is a process. The more you learn how to vet, the better. That is my whole coaching program to teach you how to vet. Lucy says, why men and women lie on their age on dating sites? For me, it's a deal breaker. No trust from the beginning. Well, I guess you don't trust me because my profile fudges by four years. And let me just tell you, it's a very human thing to fudge on your dating profile. Listen, I was very vulnerable, authentic, and transparent. You might judge me for that. You might think I'm a liar, folks. If the day I meet a person who's never lied in their life, it's never gonna happen. Everybody lies in some way, shape, or form. Mostly human beings lie to themselves. So why is there a fudging on dating apps? Because there is huge discrimination going on in the dating, mating, and railing realm due to these devices, okay? Because when you meet someone organically, people actually, when they meet me, they're shocked to hear my age. They think I'm actually 10 years younger. Now, part of it is, thank you, mommy, daddy. There's a picture of mommy, daddy. I'm six foot two, full head of hair, and there's no gray hair yet. Well, maybe there's a little bit of gray here, a little bit of gray. So everyone thinks I'm 10 years younger. So I really don't like the age discrimination that's happening. And that's why men and women fudge on their age. I call it fudging because I'm very transparent, actually in one of my profiles, it says my age afterwards. So it's like, it's just in the algorithms you wanna be seen in the algorithm. You can judge that person as a liar. You're more than welcome to do that. I don't judge people that way. I judge if they're lying about real things like, by the way, I won't even go down that road. So that's my opinion on that. You can take it for what it's worth. Some of the top relationship coaches will tell you the same thing. It is very common to fudge on your dating apps by anywhere from four to 10 years. It doesn't, I'm not saying it's right. It's just one of those questions you might ask. In fact, I actually use it as a pre-qualifying question. I actually say, hey, I wanna be transparent with you. My profile was off by four years. And part of the reason why I'm sharing this with you is I noticed women do the same. Is your profile accurate? It actually creates the conversation to ask about if their profile is accurate. So Lucy, look, you can judge me. You can judge folks, that's okay. I'm here to say the why is because age discrimination is, a lot of people are being ruled out because most people's search criteria is usually younger and they're not considering a wider range. That's partly the why. That's the most reason why. It's not designed to deceive you. It's designed because humans wanna be seen, heard and understood and not discriminated against. And that's just my reflection on that. So thank you for that question. I really appreciate it, Lucy. And I'll understand if you don't wanna watch me anymore. Okay, and at NBS question, will the book Eight Dates still be helpful even though the penis has went into the vagina? Absolutely, this book was designed for even married couples. So no matter where you are on the stage, absolutely. Check out the book Eight Dates by Drs. John and Julie Govind. Link below and Jonathan recommends. Thank you so much. Don says, question. You mentioned the five questions men ask when they want more. Is it okay for the women to ask the men the same questions first? Look it, by the way, you ever read the book by Barbara DeAngeles? Are you the one for me? Are you the one for me? Knowing who's right and avoiding Mr. Wrong? This comes up with great questions to come up with. It's a piggyback to Eight Dates, okay? But so it really is a great book to answer your question. It's thick. This is a hardcover copy. I don't know if they make it, but this is a great book. Everybody you should be buying this book. This will change your life. Barbara DeAngeles' work is beyond brilliant. And I love her book if you're in a relationship. Make how to make love all the time. She is a brilliant teacher to shift the narrative from this dysfunctional fucking way we're dating today into this naive just going, and by the way, the women who play listening to the book, the rules that is, by the way, there's some good things about the book, the rules, but this whole hard to get is all it does is attract more dysfunctional people in your life. If you're playing hard to get, that's really going to, you're gonna lose if you're playing that game, okay? You're gonna lose. A lot of dating advice is actually designed to trick the most dysfunctional person in your life. They don't tell you that because basically what's gonna happen is when you have another failure, you're gonna come back to, I don't know if that's true, but I was gonna make up, but be careful of dating advice that's all game playing rhetoric. Does anyone agree with me on this? Please give me a thumbs up. All right, we have time for a few more questions. Thank you for that one, Dawn. Statist, okay, Princess says, what are the statistics in finding a partner? That's a great question. So I believe roughly today in 1950, 20% of the population was single and I believe in 2019, 55% of the population is single. Now it doesn't include single and or in a relationship. I think most dysfunctional human beings don't, you can find a relationship. If you wanna find a healthy, happy relationship, here's the thing. If you don't have good interviewing skills, your likelihood of a healthy, happy relationship, one out of 10. I'm being blunt. I mean, your chances are very slim, two out of 10 at best. If you do not ask better questions right from the get-go, okay? And it's very obvious today. Look, we have a divorce rate at 50%, the other half of people that are married, half of them are miserable. It's roughly a 75% chance you are not gonna find the right partner. But as a friend of mine, and by the way, and I think if you ask better questions, your odds increase 10 fold. 10 fold, if you know how to, by the way, that's my area of expertise. Check out the link to a free discovery call with me. That's what I teach you, how to ask better questions right from the get-go so you avoid the wrong person much sooner. But if you might all be saying, Jonathan, then what's the point? And you might say, love is a risk. Yeah, love is a risk. But to me, it's still the best game in town. You know why, folks? I love myself enough to know, I love myself enough to know that no matter what, the universe has my back. God, universe, spirit, everything is happening for me when you operate from a place of spirituality, from a place of trust. You know that it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how many people you meet in your life. If you hold a vision for yourself, that's one of divine love for oneself and a love for humanity, then you know what? You trust that whatever's gonna happen now is gonna happen. And guess what? We don't get it right this go around. We'll get it right the next go around. That's my, listen, I may sound woo-woo for some of you, but I still operate from that way. If you really wanna read a great book, read if the Buddha dated, if the Buddha dated. I love this book to throw out the stupid gender rhetoric and start dating from a heart-centered place. All of this material I'm giving you and even creating a bit of fear, it's because, hey, it's time to become an adult. The princess energy out there isn't going to work. Sitting back in your feminine energy and waiting to be claimed. Look at that rhetoric, it ain't gonna work. You have to lean into this shit because guess what? There's a lot of dysfunctionality out there. It's almost toxic. And it's time to remember that if you really wanna have a great experience in life, that it starts with the relationship with yourself. Hold on a second. By the way, if you're not familiar with Esther Perrell, she wrote a book called Mating Incaptivity, Mating Incaptivity, but she says, the quality of your life is predicated by the quality of your relationships. And it starts with the relationship with yourself. And I'm gonna show you my coffee mug. Sometimes you forget you're awesome and this is your reminder. Yeah, yeah. All right, have time for one or two more questions. Let's go swim, man. Donna says, oh my gosh, you make me laugh so much every time you drop a fucking F bomb. There we go. All right. Barbara says, I agree with you, Jonathan. I believe in the slow burn, slow burn. Gray says, amen. Thank you. Sherry says, I love Gus. That's God, universe, spirit has my back. Way to go. All right, let's go. Let's see what this question from Heather says. A question, I live in a small town so I make my search much bigger, my search bigger. Most say I live too far and in my town, the men suck and don't want the Facebook gossip crap. So you don't have a question there but I'm gonna assume that your question is what do you do about this? That's a tough one because proximity creates continuity. The further apart you are, the harder it is to really get to build those layers of trust. So, you know, my client I shared with you lives in Alaska. I have another client that's in North Dakota which to me these are, this is an unfair characterization, bum fuck Egypt. But you know what? People are falling in love anywhere, everywhere. You know, but I will say this. The hardest thing is to be seen by single eligible people. That's why these dating sites were invented. But I will say this, I'm not recommending moving. I don't have a really good answer for you. I could blow smoke up your ass and say, do the things you love and you'll meet the right person. And that does work sometimes. But I can't answer that for you but I'm gonna recommend this for you, my friend. Who wrote this? Heather, it's raining men. Start saying a prayer. It's raining good men. It's raining good men. It's raining good men. It's raining good men. It's raining healthy, emotionally healthy men. It's raining emotionally healthy men. It's raining emotionally healthy men. It's raining good men. Start singing that and trust that God, universe spirit is gonna answer that for you. That's my invitation for you. All right. You know what folks? Oh my gosh, you're all so beautiful. Thank you so much for all the comments. Oh, I wanna thank Jacqueline for the Super Sticker. Can I give you a big gigantic shout out to Barrow? Thank you so much. Oh, I wanna thank Nancy for the Super Sticker. I just saw this. Thank you so much. You guys, the Connor Asley Fund is sharing their appreciation. All right. Oh, Lucy says, no, I'm still a fan of Jonathan. Thank you, Lucy. I appreciate that. Appreciate you don't judge me. I'm human being just like anyone else. I don't like being discriminated against and I will say I've done my share of discrimination too. All right, let's see what else we have. Nicole says, do you think men are shy to ask us out? Yeah, you know what? Believe it or not, as much as I appear to be an extrovert, I find myself, if anyone familiar with human design, Google human design, but I'm a projector. And what that means is I need an invitation. I need that hanky drop for me to be interested. So or at least to feel safe enough to be interested because it seems like every time I've chased a woman or make, I know, chase, every time I've tried too hard, it never works out. But the ones who seem to make an investment in me, I'm a more apt to be interested. So I'm here to say, folks, let's throw out the gender rhetoric bullshit and just start treating each other like human beings. To be great if the world would just start treating each other with love, kindness and compassion. And I know there's a lot of, listen, hurt people, hurt people. I get it. And I do my best to operate from that place of loving myself and everyone else, loving myself and everyone else, loving myself and everyone else. I have it on my bulletin board right there. Loving myself and everyone else, I do my best. And that's hard. It's becoming progressively harder because I really can't stand politicians. I can't stand the news media. I try really hard and I really despise every politician and every news person. So I'm not watching it because I'm finding it harder and harder to love. And yet I send them love because you know what? It's a shit show out there. And I think the more we lean into our own divinity, the more we lean into our own love, will we find those people that are matching our vibration and our frequency. And that's my invitation for everyone. It's just sinking in, give me a name in. All right, you know, I think this would be a great place to wrap up today. We have lots of comments. Oh, more Super Stickers. Christina, thank you so much for the Super Sticker. I really appreciate it. I saw another one. Grace, oh, Carter's gonna be so happy. Oh, by the way, if you're not familiar, Connor's nickname is Salty. I had, this weekend three people send me pictures with Salty on it, T-shirts and that sort of thing. That makes my day. So everyone from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much. We're gonna wrap up this video. The five questions men ask when they fall in love with you really quickly. They are, what is your love language? Where do you see yourself in five years? What's something you can't stand in life? What's your financial history or status and what's your greatest passion or what brings you joy? I hope you found value in this. If you did, please share this with your friends. Please, please check out my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? Check out the Discovery Call with me. Please like this video. From the bottom of my heart, I hope you found value. If I'm making a difference in your life, please say Jonathan, you're making a difference before this podcast or this episode runs out. I'd love to hear that this is making a difference in your life. All right, let's take a look. We're gonna sign off today. I wanna say hi to Tru and Susan and Christina and Nicole and Kelly and Todd and Lucy and Holly and Mastra, Shashimi and Sherry and Joy and Nicole and Grace and Julie and Heather and Kelly and Emily and Joy. Everyone, Renee, thank you so much. Wishing you a super duper wonderful day. I'm gonna sign off as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic jar of the merit of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a Pat, a teddy bear pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye everyone. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.