 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today, our topic, the five feminine signals men are programmed to respond to. Now really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos. And if anytime during this video, the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Really quickly also, my coaching is what I call heart-centered radical honesty. It's direct, little tough love and a lot of heart. Occasionally I use expletives to enhance a sentence. So if an F-bomb or two isn't your thing, I suggest logging off now. Really quickly also, these are just merely my perceptions, my perspective, this is not necessarily the truth by any stretch of the means. So take it for what it's worth if the content resonates with you great. And if it doesn't, that's okay too. And one last thing, I'm a little bit dyslexic so I sometimes mix up words from my brain to my mouth. So if it sounds like I'm a little dysfunctional at times, that's the reason why. All right, let's get into those five feminine signals men are programmed to respond to. Now I wanna share something with you. I actually saw this title from one of my contemporaries and I watched the video and I thought, wow, this was really good content. So I'm making it my own version but this is really important information I wanted to share. So I'm really glad that I saw it and I wanna share it with you. So now you might be thinking, what are the feminine signals men respond to? And you're like, the first one might be, just show them your boobs. Men would certainly respond to that but I wanna go a little bit deeper and I wanna differentiate between men who are emotionally mature and how they respond to things versus emotionally immature men and how they respond to things. And I wanna say that I'm an equal opportunity throw people under the bus. Whether it's men and women alike, I will tell you there is just as many dysfunctional men out in the dating realm, just as well as there's much dysfunctional women out in the dating, mating or relating realm. So this isn't singular to men, okay? Now I will say this, a lot of women who watch my channel probably get frustrated because you're thinking, why is it that we women are the ones who have to do all the work? Why is it that we have to study this? Why aren't men doing the study? And I agree, I totally agree. Why aren't men doing this? Because women tend to be more fascinated with the why. Women tend to be more fascinated how to fix things when it comes to interpersonal relationships more so than men. In fact, women purchase the books on dating, mating or relating far more than men or certainly in the relationship realm, women purchase books probably 10 to one to the number of men. Now ladies, I do want you to know this, men do study relationships, but it's mostly in the area of how to have the confidence to ask a woman out. I'm gonna repeat that, that's where most men spend their time centered around the confidence of asking women out. And I can tell you, there is probably one third of the male population if not closer to two thirds of the male population that struggle with the confidence to actually just approach a woman and to say hi. And they struggle with the confidence of asking a woman out or just even being engaged with a woman because of the fear of rejection. So ladies, I just want you to know that men suffer in this area as well and where they study is mostly in the area of how to meet and how to approach women not necessarily how to make a successful relationship. Women study that far more than men in this realm. I happen to be a little bit unique because I do this for a living. So I've studied relationships intensely compared to the average guy. So I recognize I'm a little bit different than the average guy and yet most men don't study this. Now I know a lot of women say, well, I don't wanna be with a man if he doesn't have the confidence to walk up into me and say hi. To me, that's a judgment. When we have to point the finger and say, somebody is bad, somebody is wrong because of fear. And let me tell you something, when we judge a person as being bad or wrong because of fear, we're actually shaming them and that's not a healthy way to approach things. So I'm about to share those five feminine signals men respond to. And I definitely, as I said before, I wanna differentiate between emotionally mature men and emotionally immature men. And by the way, this is true for women as well because an immature person doesn't respond in the same way as a mature person. An immature person is very stifled in their ability to actually be in a relationship. So they're operating mostly from a place of fear and the way they operate in a relationship is very myopic, very myopic. This is what myopic is, tunnel vision. And this is why a lot of men get labeled as narcissists because they're actually very clueless and myopic to only focusing on their own needs. I'm gonna repeat that, a significant percentage of men as well as women only focus on their own needs because they're not emotionally healthy enough to be in relationship. So I understand where many of you women have chosen men like that. It doesn't make these men bad. It just makes them bad daters. And what I wanna encourage everyone from a place of love because this is what love would do and this is how love would respond would actually look at men from a place of compassion and from a place of loving versus judgment and fear. And I can tell you a significant number of women are struggling in their relationship because they've actually become very bitter and jaded to the process of connecting with someone. And when you've had one bad experience after another bad experience, it's kind of makes sense. This is true for men as well. In fact, did you know the number one emotional health issue facing most everybody is, I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable and I'm not likable. This is one of the reasons why I wrote my book. What the heck is self love anyway? What the heck is self love anyway? By the way, there's a link below to get a copy of my book. By the way, under the Jonathan recommends all the books I'm gonna talk about today are listed there as well as how to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you. All right, so emotionally mature men actually do respond well to women and especially when they're doing these five things. So let's lean into that today. So I'm gonna put on my trusty glasses. I'm gonna say hi to my Instagram fans. Thank you so much. So number one, the first one is green lights, green lights. We men need green lights, whether it's in person or in real life or in the internet realm where most people are meeting these days. In fact, significant percentage of people in midlife are meeting through an online connection. And men need encouragement. We need green lights. We need things to tell us that you're interested, that you like us, that you're engaged with us. And I can tell you, as a single man out in the dating realm, I'm actually fascinated how few women do the old dropping the hanky to get a guy's attention. And what's interesting is if you take something like the dating app Bumble, Bumble is a dating app where when two people swipe right and they connect with one another, women initiate the first contact. And I can tell you as a man who's out there in the dating realm, one of the things that frustrates me the most is a woman who just simply says hi, says hi. Well, that's at least making initiative on their part that's not very friendly version of creating connection with a guy to show that you're interested. This is why if you follow my work, I've created an acronym called NICE, N-I-C-E, N-I-C-E. And if you're using a dating app or if even in person, you can try this out to actually give a man some encouragement to want to pursue you. And the NICE stands for name inquisitive, compliment and enthusiasm. Name inquisitive, compliment, enthusiasm. So you could simply say, hey Jonathan, because my name's listed on a dating app, really great to connect with you. And actually my profession is listed there. You could simply say something like, what inspired you to become a dating coach? Ask a question, be inquisitive. And then throw in a compliment like you're easy on the eyes. Men rarely get compliments in any given day. So throw out a compliment and the E stands for energy enthusiasm, be energetic. So the next time you want to drop the hanky with a guy, say in the online world, try my acronym NICE. I've shared this before and I'm gonna share it frequently because this makes a big difference in connecting with men. And that's a great green light to give to a guy. Okay, number two is friendly energy, friendly energy. As I said a moment ago, I'm noticing a significant amount of people, women in particular, that are very bitter and jaded. Most likely they've gone through a terrible divorce. Most likely they've had one, two, three or four, five poor experiences with men. And as I said before, the number one emotional health issue facing everybody is I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable, I'm not likable. And take that into the dating realm and that magnifies that on so many debt levels if whether you're a man or woman getting rejected or having bad experience one after another. And so what happens, there are energy and I've seen this frequently, many women's energy isn't friendly and inviting. It's very closed off and blocked. I can't tell you how many first dates I've gone on over the years with women who literally, you could be sitting across from them at a table, having a drink. And you could see every man that's ever hurt her standing right behind her. I mean literally, I mean from an energetic level. So I invite you to approach a first date or a first communication with beginner's mind. Throw out the past, the past is prologue. You can't change the past. All you can do is focus on the present and prepare yourself to be more engaged in the future. And so my invitation for you is to operate from a place of beginner's mind, beginner's mind. A great book to prepare you for that would be if the Buddha dated, if the Buddha dated, I love this book. I love, love, love this book. By the way, there's a link below and Jonathan recommends again. This is a great book to shift the energy from this old paradigm, the paradigm of like the book, the rules and so much other dating advice out there that's really setting you up for manipulative type of experiences and unhealthy experiences. And I want you all to lean into a much healthier way to approach dating, mating or relating because that's what love would do and that's how love would respond. By the way, I have a podcast called the what would love do and what would love do as links below. Okay, number three, by the way, I got something in my tooth. Number three is physical touch, physical touch. We men respond to physical touch. In fact, I just did a video on this about different types of five ways men like to be touched. And there's no greater way from a female perspective. And I know it says feminine. And by the way, I didn't say feminine energy because many of you who follow my work know you how I feel about masculine and feminine energy and I'll probably go on a rant at some point during this live stream. But female touch, there's something so magical about a woman that touches us. And I shared this before, I shared this in that previous video about how I was on a first date and a woman was just lightly touching my arm while we were talking. And I don't think she was even aware she was doing it. We were having a really good time, having a cocktail, it was very friendly. There was some familiarity between us so I wasn't a total stranger. But I responded so well and I realized that my, while my primary love language is words of affirmation which is actually for us, Leo's, it's words of adoration. I'm just kidding, but I'm bummed. But I realized after that date that physical touch was actually my second love language and not quality time. I used to always think it was quality time but now I realize that being touched, having someone run their fingers through my hair patting me on the butt, giving me a little slap of fun. We men respond to that, emotionally healthy men. Let me repeat that. Somebody who's had trauma in their life might not react well to physical touch which makes it difficult for them to lean into a romantic relationship with someone if they're not capable of actually being able to be held and touched. And simple, a hug is a great way to connect with a human being. And I'm not talking about a one second, two second hug. I'm talking about a five, seven, 10 second hug to really connect and bond with another human being. You know, most Americans are so afraid to touch one another, you know? I mean, you go to Europe and other places, they're very huggy-feely with one another. I've gone to countries where men walk down the streets who are friends and they're heterosexuals and they're literally got armed to arm with one another as they walk down the street. We are a very uptight culture here in the United States. I mean, not to say that there aren't other cultures that are not stuck up, that are stuck up but we're quite stuck up here. And I'll tell you, in other parts of the world they are way more friendly to physical touch and especially the importance of hugs. Those who know me know every time I end my podcast I give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug because touch is so important, it's so needed. Intimacy, into me you see, which includes physical connection with one another and that's so important. So if you wanna get a guy's attention because we're programmed to it, physical touch. Okay, number four. I shared this before in the green light but being inquisitive, being curious and asking for men's advice, being curious, being inquisitive, ask questions like what inspired you to become a dating coach and then when I share something, well what inspired you for that or what took you in that direction? Being inquisitive, do something that I learned in sales called drilling down, drilling down. So you take something and then you drill it down and drill it down to learn more. And when you do this, you're actually connecting with us on both the cerebral level and on an emotional level with us when you come from a place of curiosity and especially or being inquisitive and especially asking men for advice. I wanna tell you the story. This happened about five years ago. After, it was right after my significant relationship ended for the first time. We, I was in a six year on and off relationship. This goes to show you even a dating coach or a relationship coach isn't immune to the realities of life, okay? And yet thankfully we had a beautiful conscious and coupling. So the first time we ended our relationship, I met a woman through a dating app and on our second first date was cocktail and drinks, second date I went to her home to pick her up. And as I was at her home, she walked me around her place showing me her place and she was actually in the process of remodeling her kitchen. And she said to me, hey Jonathan, I've got some tiles out here. Can I get your opinion on which tiles do you think would be best for my kitchen? And I thought to myself in that moment, I thought, wow, that really touched me that she, I mean, here we still didn't know each other very well and she was asking for my advice. And I got to tell you, I perked up. I really, I was like, and I wanted to do my best, you know, like, well, should it be this one or this one? And whether she took my advice or not, and by the way, we're still social friends, meaning social media friends, it didn't go anywhere after the second date, but I really appreciated that she wanted my opinion. She wanted my advice. She was curious, comes from a place of curiosity and quesitiveness. And I will tell you, emotionally healthy men respond to that. Only emotionally unhealthy men get offended when you ask a man his opinion or his advice or anything curious about his life. People who are emotionally stunted reject all that, but a people that are ready for a deep, ready, deep intimate interpersonal relationship are definitely up for it. And lastly, number five, I call this N-R-R, no response required, no response required. Now I want to give you some backstory to this because that significant relationship I talked to you about or shared a moment ago, when we used to send text messages to one another, sometimes we'd say a good morning text, sometimes we'd send an email, sometimes there would be something that had a fair amount of depth to it that required a response or not, excuse me, not that it required a response, but it put the other person in obligation to respond. So what we did, we had a little secret code. When we communicated with one another and sometimes it was just merely giving each other some love, we'd write on the bottom of the text or the email, N-R-R, no response required. What that means is, and what I'm really demonstrating here is the importance of being able to send love to your partner without the expectation of getting something in return. And by putting N-R-R, it basically said, I'm sending you love, I don't expect anything in return, I'm not outcome-driven. And if you get to it, great. And if you don't, that's fine too. I will tell you, ladies, men respond to no pressure. We respond to no pressure. So when you use a couple of these techniques that I've taught you right now, like an N-R-R, by simply saying, hey, look, I'm sending you some love. I mean, you don't say it that way, but you initiated some love and you respond back by saying, hey, you don't have to respond, I'm okay. And we actually respond. We're more apt to respond when we know that there's no pressure. When you take the pressure off, not that you put pressure there, but it feels like pressure when somebody says something and initiates a conversation, and the expectation is to respond fairly quickly. And this is why stupid game-playing has occurred, okay? Because sometimes a person can't get to a text message right away. So then the other person says, well, they didn't respond right away, so I have to play a game and I'm not gonna respond right away. And this is some of the bullshit that's happening in the dating, mating or relating realm because we should take the pressure off of the expectation and just allow love to just be love. So those are the five feminine signals that are programmed to entice a guy. What is it again that our program to men are programmed to respond to? By the way, those are my trusty notes. We're gonna get started in the Q and A in just a second before I do. So really quickly, now we've wrapped up the content portion. Now we're gonna go to Q and A. So if you're not familiar with my Q and A process, if you're on the live stream right now, this is strictly for the YouTube live people. If you're on live now, in the chat box, you can write the word question and post your question. Write the word question, post your question. If it's a personal question, write personal question and then post your question. And if you'd like to purchase a super sticker or super chat and post your question there, all the monies collected from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund I've created in the name of my son Connor. Connor's my son right there. Most of you know, he passed away a few years ago. So in his honor, this scholarship fund is to defray the cost of personal development. So if you purchase a super sticker super chat, that's where the funds go to, to defray the cost of personal development to those folks in need. All right, let's jump into the Q and A right now. So, and again, I wanna say hi to those on Instagram. So let's see what we have here. If you have a question, post the word question. Let's keep swimming, let's keep swimming. I'm totally into that Nemo thing. BE writes, name, inquisitive, compliment and enthusiasm, enthusiasm. That's what NICE stands for, name, inquisitive, compliment and enthusiasm. Empty nesting says, or they work with men all day long, jaded, yes I am, but also married. Jaded's not a great energy to be in folks. That's not a very loving energy to be. I understand you work with men all day long and you're married, but being jaded and bitter about human beings is not a loving place to come from. That's not what love would do. And that's not how love would respond. So, all right, Julia says, good idea, always compliment your man, exactly. All right, Jenny says, I'm on bumble and I always say their name, compliment and ask a question. Some write back and some don't use my name and ask about me, what the fuck? By the way, you know, again, emotionally mature people, emotionally grown up people respond different than those who are emotionally stunted. So it's not uncommon. And sometimes when we're responding, it's just rushed, but I really believe if people were more intentional, men and women alike were more intentional in the dating process, they would start seeing better results. Sadly, most people aren't intentional. They're very cavalier, they're very ambivalent in the process. And yet they act like, oh, but I so want a relationship, but their actions don't say otherwise. This is why one of the fundamentals of emotional maturity is your action match your words. So especially for you women out there that think you're so emotionally mature and so engaged in the process, I can tell you, I witness women constantly whose actions don't match their words because they're ambivalent, their lack in tensionality and they're rather cavalier in the process. And let me just tell you something, folks. You know, we've got a strike because there's no time like the present because in this dating realm right now, there's another swipe, another swipe, another swipe. This is why if people would just take the time to get to know one person at a time instead of this multiple, multiple dating people are doing. I mean, I want you to think about it. If a man is dating four women at once and a woman's dating four men at once, when are they ever gonna connect to get to know one another? You know, I'm not a big proponent of multiple dating. I'm a big, well, multiple meeting is okay, but dating, in my opinion, should be reserved one person at a time. I'm gonna repeat that. Dating should, when you decide to date someone more than three dates, it should be reserved for one person at a time so it doesn't fuck up your mental, your detective in you. Let me just call it the detective in you, the person that's doing the research because if you've got multiple people, and I know women are supposed to be multitaskers, but that's not necessarily true when it comes to interpersonal relationships. So I'm a big proponent, get to know one person at a time. This is why I believe that you should have three dates in roughly a three-week period and within the first 90 days, you should have accumulated 100 hours of face-to-face time. Let me repeat that, 100 hours of face-to-face time. It takes about 100 hours to get to know another human being. So if you're dating four people at once, how are you ever gonna get to 100 hours to get to know someone at level one, let alone a deeper level beyond that? So that's just my invitation, Julia. I know you didn't say that, but I went off, or Jenny, I went off on a tangent. All right, if you have a question, post the word question or purchase a super sticker or super chat. Laura says, my love language is physical, touching words of affirmation, way to go. We would get along great. Catherine says, I need a real hug. I like a real hug. Me too. Okay, let's see what questions we have. I'm scrolling, write the word question and then post your question thereafter. Robin says, there's nothing wrong with asking for advice like that. Shows that you appreciate your opinion. Yes, men want, we're dying to show our opinion. So I highly encourage you to do that. Okay, we got Catherine who just purchased a super sticker. So thank you so much. Catherine says, question, what's your take on men who have never been married? I see a lot on the dating sites, but I'm hesitant to contact them. Not sure they would really be a good relationship material. Great question. What do you think about men who have never been married? Okay, I guess the question I have for you Catherine, what do you think about women who've never been married? What does that say about them? We can judge human beings, we can judge human beings as having some sort of defect. I know a lot of men look at women who have never been married and go, what's wrong with them? And a man who's never been married, what's wrong with him? I will tell you, one of my dear friends at age 45 got married for the first time and had children at age 47. So I'm here to say it's not out of the realm of possibility and quite frankly, think about it. By the way, 75% of the single population over 45 years old is divorced. What does it say about them? What does it say that they can't keep a relationship? Or didn't choose well. So I'm here to say we can judge that as being something wrong with them or we can go maybe they were smart and dodged bullets. Okay, a woman or a man have dodged bullets. Ultimately you have to find out what is it that they're looking for? What does commitment mean to them if they're seeking a... Okay, now we're gonna go down another rabbit hole because this is what Jonathan does. Folks, most people over 45 years old are simply seeking a relationship. And a relationship most the time is monogamy and exclusivity without any direction of where this relationship is going. In fact, Esther Perel talks about this in her book, mating in captivity, not in the book but she talks about this in mating in captivity, Esther Perel, Esther Perel, mating in captivity. She calls, she has something she calls stable ambiguity, stable ambiguity. And what that means is the stable part is that the relationship is monogamous and exclusive and the ambiguity is there's no direction for this relationship. So I'm here to say that the vast majority of humans over 45 years old who divorce have no direction anyway. So it doesn't make any difference whether they were never married or divorced. And quite frankly, people divorce, I'm gonna jokingly say their failures, they couldn't keep a marriage, they couldn't sustain a marriage. So it doesn't necessarily make them any better at the process. And when you think about it, second and third marriages divorce at a higher rate than first marriages. So again, you can't put a correlation other than, and this is what my invitation for you, Catherine, is to ask better questions, ask better questions in the early phases. By the way, folks, my coaching practice is all centered about how to pre-qualify your prospect. In other words, how to ask better questions based on your personality and your compatibility needs. I teach you, I help you craft the right questions to ask a man while you're dating, how to vet for his emotional maturity and how to lean into a greater sense of compassion and love in the dating process. And if you need some support, if you're looking to actually shift your experiences, if you're single and looking for love right now and you're looking to shift your experience, then check out a link below to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Catherine, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate the $20 Super Sticker as well, your sweetheart, thank you. All right, let's go swimmin', let's go swimmin'. Okay, Beth writes in. Question, what does it mean if someone says you're incredible and adores you but acts like you don't exist? Why say when not meaning it? Okay, so that's a great question. So Beth, I guess my real question is, is this somebody who's in your life on a regular basis or is this someone you went out on a date with once? Okay, is this someone you're dating or is this someone in your life? Because we have, I mean, we can have male and female acquaintances that say all kinds of things and yet their actions don't match their words. And usually when men do that, they're fishing, they're fishing, they're fishing. They just wanna see if they can hook you, okay? So they throw out some compliments or some terms of endearment, but they're not necessarily, they're looking to see what kind of reaction they can get from you. That's one possible reason why that happens. So, but the real question is, is this somebody who's regularly in your life or somebody, it's because I highly doubt this is someone you're dating because why would you date someone whose actions don't match their words? So Beth, that's my quick analysis of what you just shared, but thank you for that question. That was a great question, I really appreciate it. By the way, folks, please hit that like button right now, if you're watching live, please log in, log off, go in and hit that like button so we can see, so this can be seen more in the YouTube algorithms. All right, all right, let's see what we have here. Debbie says, I don't believe in multiple dating either. How can you get to know someone? If you're doing that, I agree, folks, it takes a hundred hours to get to know a human being. Now, listen, the first meeting, look it, we can have multiple first meetings and we can have multiple first dates with people. When you get to the third date phase, that's the point where someone has asked you three times in less than a three-week period, if you've physically seen someone three times in a less than a three-week period, then I would encourage you to invest in that one person. Now, some of you might be saying, well, Jonathan, I'm in a long-distance relationship and I can't see someone that often. Folks, long-distance relationships, by the way, local relationships are challenging enough as it is. Add distance to that, then all you're doing is spending time on the telephone. And let me tell you something, folks, especially about men. We don't bond through the telephone. We do not bond through the telephone. We can talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk, but we don't bond with you through the telephone. So you've spent hours upon hours talking, talking, talking, he hasn't bonded with you. We bond through physicality, both physical in a sexual realm, but also doing stuff with somebody, hobbies, mutual interests, social activities, spending time with family and friends, traveling together. That's how we bond with a person. And quite frankly, we need 100 hours of face-to-face time just to get to level one of bonding beyond, now let me rephrase that, let me backtrack. We bond through lust very quickly, but we don't actually, we don't even bond through lust. We chase and hunt lust or physicality, but then ultimately to be in a relationship, we actually have to bond with you through experiences. We don't bond through the telephone. So that's why long distance relationships rarely work. And what's great about long distance relationship is you can have multiple, by the way, this is where you can date four people at once, by the way. I mean, I gotta tell you, I've done it before when I was in my immature phase after my divorce. I was having multiple long distance relationship because it was a great way to spend time with someone, have sex without any responsibility. I'm laughing because that's what I realized, unless you have a plan to be in the same place, it's gonna be very challenging. So that's my thoughts on that. And I was just doing a ramble. So, okay, question C flower question. Do you think on and off relationships ever turn out well? Do you think on and off relationships ever turn out well? Depends on your definition of well. Folks, you can have the most traumatic relationship in your life. It can actually be your greatest blessing. I'm gonna repeat that. You can have the most traumatic relationship in your life and it can be your greatest blessing. By the way, isn't that called family? We oftentimes have the most traumatic experiences with our family and yet they're also our greatest blessing. So I'm here to encourage you to look at relationships from a more open mind and even a bad experience is an opportunity to love on yourself. I can't tell you how many women I talk to incessant, well, not that I don't talk to them incessantly, but I talk to women who incessantly complain about men in their relationships, men who are narcissistic, men who are users, men who are takers, men who have trust issues, all this kind of stuff. And the focus is all on the man. And it's basically men are bad, which is just gonna create more negativity in our lives, more negativity in our lives. So a bad relationship is actually an opportunity to look inward and say, what can I learn about myself? What was good about the relationship? And what can I learn about myself? Because that's what love would do and that's what self-love would do. Again, a copy of my book listed below. Selflovethebook.com. But that's, I wanna encourage everyone right now, can you make a commitment right now? Would you write the word commitment in the chat box? Say, I make a commitment to look at any bad past relationship with the eyes of love and with gratitude and say, what gift did I get from this experience? What gift did I get from this experience? Would anybody here be willing to make that commitment? I made that commitment years ago to myself and I encourage every one of you to do the same because when we can look from the eyes of love, we can actually have a greater experience. That's interesting. Today I spoke to two female friends. As a coach, you have to hire me to get my advice and I do have female friends and two of them reached out. Actually wanted my advice on some stuff and all they did was complain about the guys and when we had our conversation, I put the mirror back on them and in both cases, they were able to see how their experience when looking at it through the eyes of love for themself first and then for the other person, they shifted from a place of negativity to a place of being more at a state of inner peace. And isn't that really what you want as a space of inner peace? I hope so. Anyway, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. All right, let's go swimming. Gina says, hey, Jonathan, question. A man has trouble receiving a compliment. How do I boost his self-esteem and make him more comfortable? A man has trouble receiving a compliment. How do I boost his self-esteem and make him more comfortable? Gina, great question and the answer is you cannot do anything to boost his self-esteem. That's on his, that's his job, to do the inner work. And most likely, someone who has trouble receiving a compliment most likely had childhood wounds and traumas in their life that created negative patterns limiting the beliefs and an inability to actually receive love. So I wanna talk about three books right now that if you want to invite him to read, I highly recommend. Now, the first book is ninja level, ninja level study level. This is a 50-hour deep dive. It's called the Hoffman process, the Hoffman process. This is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas. This is gonna require a minimum of 50 hours of work, not just reading but doing the work. And most people won't do the work. They won't do the work. Now, you can get the Cliff Note version by doing a little bit of homework and studying a little bit through YouTube about the Hoffman process. But I invite you to either invite him to go to it in person or read the book. Next two books, because most likely he has an avoidant personality. I highly suggest reading the book, Attached Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. Okay, I highly recommend reading this book. Most likely he's avoidant, which makes it difficult for him to receive love, to receive that compliment. And also reading the book, Getting the Love You Want by Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt. This is about learning what's known as the Amago, the Amago, how we choose people in our lives that are very similar to one or both of our parents. We oftentimes choose people that are similar in personality and in nature as one of our parents because we want to heal a wound with our parents. So, going back to your original question, you can't improve his self-esteem, only he can improve his self-esteem. And he's gonna have to wanna do the work. Otherwise, you're gonna have a person that's incapable of receiving love. And by the way, who wants to be in relationship with someone who's incapable of receiving love unless you're looking for a traditional relationship where it's a one up, one down, the man pays the bills, the woman's the subservient person. That's the way it's been throughout society. I'm hoping to shift that narrative because I am not a big proponent of the one up, one down, the man is the financial leader and the woman is the servant in the relationship. I'm a big proponent of relationships being like a two lane street, a two lane street. You're traveling at the street, a street that has two lanes and you're traveling at the same speed together of mutual effort, of mutual giving and receiving. This is why I'm not a big proponent of the whole masculine and feminine energy. And a woman all she has to do to those five feminine signals to program a guy is just sit in your feminine energy and lean back and he's just gonna magically gravitate towards you. And he's gonna claim you. And he's gonna be chivalrous because all you're doing is sitting in your feminine. Folks sitting in your feminine energy simply means you're just waiting to receive. You're literally a doormat at that level when you're waiting to receive. I'm here to suggest throw out the bullshit narrative about masculine feminine energy and be an empowered woman or an empowered man. Be an empowered woman or an empowered man. When you are empowered with your self worth, self esteem, self confidence, your sovereignty which is all wrapped up into self love, you are gonna become a magnetic attractor so two people connect like this because feminine energy is like this, waiting for this to show up. I'm sorry to be so graphic but that's literally the narrative. You just sit back and wait to receive the penis. That's what feminine energy is. You're waiting to receive. Stop waiting to receive and be a giver with a person who's also a giver. Be a giver with a person who's also a giver and you're not with a giver then maybe they're not the right person for you because two givers can create a much better relationship than one who's expected to give and the others just expected to receive and that's my rant, take it for what it's worth. All right, I hope you're finding value. Carrie writes, question. I feel I finally found the love of my life. We are eight months into a relationship. I'm worried I might accidentally screw it up. Do you ever help someone like me? Yeah, it's simple, Carrie. Stop it, stop with the mindset. So I'm gonna recommend, you don't need to hire me for that one. I'm gonna recommend everybody read this book, The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer, The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. Chapter one, chapter one. Hold on. Chapter one, the voice inside your head, the voice inside your head, the voice inside your head. Carrie, it's time to start working on the voice inside your head and that's only something you can do for yourself. So read these books, watch these videos and start shifting the narrative insight. By the way, in my book, in my book, where is it? Well, one of the chapters says, if it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. So just remember, if it's coming from the heart, you can't screw it up. If it's coming from fear, you can totally fuck up a relationship. So focus on your fear and start loving on yourself. And you might wanna read some of the, you might wanna read this book. This is a great book by Brene Brown. The Gifts of Imperfection, the Gifts of Imperfection, Carrie, I highly recommend reading this book. Invest in yourself 30 minutes a day, everybody. Work on improving yourself so you don't have to focus on doing something wrong because guess what? There is no such thing as doing something wrong. You can only screw something up when you're in fear but that also means you're not ready for a relationship as if you're in constantly in fear. What I mean is you're not ready for a relationship. You may not be a good partner for somebody if you're in constant fear, have trust issues, the gamut runs from there. So thank you so much for that question, Carrie. I really appreciate it. Joy writes, what can women do, wait, what can a woman do so she doesn't come across as intimidating on a date? What can she do? First off, a man's penis never shrunk because a woman was a little demonstrative. I'm gonna repeat that, a man's penis never shrunk if a woman was a little demonstrative. I am so sick and tired of this rhetoric that you're actually intimidating them. Now, it's not intimidation, it's, are you turning us off? That's really what's happening. Are you, do you have controlling behavior? Are you critical? Are you, do you show up with contempt? That's the stuff that turns men off. It doesn't intimidate us. Controlling behavior, being, you know, when you're coming out of place of telling a man what to do, that's the, by the way, everybody, Google the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse by John Gottman. So remember I talked about, I mentioned this book frequently, the book is called Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman. Google the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse and then plus John Gottman. Those are criticism, contempt, stonewalling and defensiveness. That's the four things that are the killers of a relationship. So if you're acting in that capacity, you're most likely, you're not intimidating the guy you're turning it off. So how do you shift the narrative? Let's go back to the five feminine signals. Number one, give green lights, throw in those compliments. Number two, friendly energy. Number two, friendly energy. Number three, physical touch. Number four, be curious, inquisitive. And five, no agenda. That's how you shift the narrative because you can't intimidate a guy because no penis fell off on a first date unless you're just being kind of an on reperson and then we just don't wanna be with you. That's usually the result of that. All right, let's keep going here. Leed says, stellar points, Jonathan, thank you. Beth says, if someone supposedly calls you a friend, goes, how do you act towards them in person amongst friends? So if he's just, well, by the way, if you're friends, there's no such thing as ghosting, okay? I mean, unless they don't, unless someone isn't returning your phone call, that's not ghosting. I mean, I sometimes go months without speaking to a friend, that's not ghosting them, okay? If it's a romantic relationship, somebody could disappear, but friends kinda come in and out of our lives all the time. So I don't consider that ghosting if it's a friend, if it's a romantic relationship and they stop talking to you and they don't respond to your messages, that's ghosting. But what you described isn't ghosting to me. Jenny writes, I'm mid 40s, never married. I dodge many bullets and I know I would have been divorced if I married earlier. I wanna get married and have a child. So see, folks, do we judge people that have never been married? It's actually dodging bullets. Not that I regret getting married, but it didn't work out. All right, let's scroll up here. We got lots to believe, folks, it's a lot for me to scroll through. All right, Kathy says she's committed, yay. Catherine says, I'm committed. I look at the gift, exactly. All right, let's see. By the way, if you wanna ask me a personal question, write the word personal question and then post a question if you have something personal with me. And again, purchase a super sticker, super chat as well. Jenny says, amen to Joan. Oh, she wrote, love makes the world go around. Yes, what did John Lennon say? All we need is love. All right, let's go swimming. Let's go swimming. If you have a question, post the word question. I go, here we go, up. Boo, Baker writes, question. I met this guy that's going through some personal issues. We spoke constantly. Out of the blue, he stopped speaking to me. Why, and what should I do? Okay, so if I'm understanding this correctly, this is a man that you've had nothing but communication with you. You've not had a physical date with him. And he had personal issues and out of the blue, he stops communicating with you. That's a very common thing. When a man or woman's life, when the ground beneath them is very shaky, it's difficult to engage in an interpersonal relationship with someone when you're going through a lot of personal issues. So my invitation to what you should do is send him energetic love. Send him energetic love. I mean, the guy, you weren't dating him. He wasn't your boyfriend. You guys had no commitment to one another. You're simply somebody you're talking to on a regular basis. This is the problem with talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk and no face to face, face to face, face to face, face to face, face to face, face to face. Stop talking on the phone and start getting out and meeting people. And I know it's hard when there's distance, but why are many of you engaging in distance relationships that are never gonna go anywhere? Unless you have a plan, they're not gonna work out. So my invitation for you, send him energetic love because he's going through a hard time. All right, Catherine Cornelius, I see you purchased a super sticker. Thank you so much. Thank you for the 49.99, I appreciate that. Thank you so much, Jonathan, for sharing your real practical, heart-centered, helpful advice. You are the best relationship coach I've ever listened to. You win the gold medal. Woo-hoo, after the Olympics, I won the gold, yay. Cathy, thank you so much, that just made my day. You really just made my day. That's a feminine signal that I was programmed to respond to, thank you so much. All right, Sadie, personal question. Jonathan, how did you know you were in love? How did you know you were in love? How did you know you were in love? Well, if I'm candid about this question, in my marriage, I don't think I was in love. I think I was following programming. Don't get me wrong, I cared for my wife and in the beginning, I believed it was love, but really what was happening, I was following the programming I was raised with. I was raised with, after high school, go to college. After college, get a job. After getting a job, meet a girl. After meeting a girl, get married. After getting married, buy a house, and then start a family. That was my programming, that was my blueprint. So I was more focused on getting a wife than actually being in love. And while we had some good aspects in our relationship, I don't think we were ever fully in love with us. My wife openly admitted that she wasn't really all that attracted to me after we went through a divorce. So, going back to the never married question that came earlier, I'm gonna say that, I'm not to say that I married the wrong person because I'm grateful for the two children I had from our marriage and certainly we treat each other as family to one another now. I don't think I was really in love with her. I'm not saying I didn't care for her deeply. And then my most significant relationship after my marriage, I'm gonna tell you I chose a partner from a place of neediness from an anxious attachment style and somebody that was reminiscent of my mother in some ways. Not physically looking by the way because my ex-girlfriend's dropped it gorgeous. But I was really, I don't think I was in love there either. I don't know if I've ever experienced healthy love. I've experienced unhealthy attachment and I've experienced the amago which is choosing people like one of our parents. But I don't think I've ever really truly been in love. One of my favorite lines in the TV show Sex in the City is when Mr. Big is asked, have you ever been in love? And he says, apps a fucking lute late. And yet maybe I haven't really been in love. And so I'm holding out for something epic. I mean, listen to me, I mean, it's either a hell yes or it's a fuck no. And I'm looking for a hell yes kind of relationship. I'm not looking for someone to be just to have a companion in my life. I'm looking for something much deeper. And this is why I actually have actually learned, you know what, I have been in love. I just realized it. I am learning to love myself. I am learning to love myself. I am finally in love with Jonathan. So, Sadie, thank you so much because I did realize I have been in love and it's finally unloving myself. Can anyone relate to that? If you can, give me a thumbs up. If you can, say an amen. All right, we're gonna take one or two more questions. Thank you so much again, Sadie. Leah says, I love that question. Thank you. Catherine writes, what's your favorite activity to do on your free time? What's my favorite activity? It's hiking. It's spending time with friends. It's doing psilocybin journeys. If you're not familiar with psilocybin, look it up. I'm a psychonaut. I like to do spiritual journeys. I like to spend time with family and friends. Those are the things that enrich my soul. I love personal development. I love going to workshops. I love solving the problems of my own anxiety. I love solving the problems of my own fears. Those are things that I love to do, is when I come up against a fear or an anxiety, can I tackle it and overcome it? Those are the things that turn me on triggers in my life are a good thing because it means I get to work on something. So I'm a little bit unusual that way. So anyway, I hope that made sense. Thank you so much for that question. Carrie just posted. Thank you for the, oops, Carrie just posted. Thank you for the super sticker. By the way, thank you all for the super stickers. I really appreciate it. She says, thank you for your advice. I will order the book about imperfections. My love and I have read many books you recommended together, eight months, going strong, epic. Even, ah, folks, this is an example. Carrie is an example of what I'm saying over and over again. Ladies, before the penis either goes inside the vagina or you have regular sex with a guy, this should be the book you're reading together. This should be the book you're reading together to determine if you're a good fit with one another. Because what's the point in investing time if it's not gonna go the distance? Many of you are investing in relationships that are just casual, it's stable ambiguity, meaning it's monogamous and exclusive, but it has no direction and I'm here to invite you to shift the narrative. Are you willing to do that? I hope so. Thank you so much for the super sticker. I really appreciate that. All right. Sherry says, great topic. You need to love yourself. When you love yourself, love will come into your life. I never loved myself before this experience. So Sherry, thank you so much. I appreciate that. Joan says, I'm learning to love myself. Thank you, hugs to you, Jonathan. Thank you, I appreciate that. Sable says, I've always highly doubted men fall in love. They just marry or enter into relationships out of convenience and just confirmed it. It wasn't out of convenience though. I wanna shift that terminology. It was out of the expectation. I was programmed because all my male friends, one after another, after another got engaged. It was just the programming we were following. It wasn't convenience, it was programming. All right. Kimberly says, Jonathan, first off, same programming here in my life. Anywho, you know how online is the BS of text, text, text. How long before cutting ties if they wanna wait to meet things? Kimberly, great question. I have a rule of thumb. It's three, two, one, three. Three, two, one, three. No more than three text message exchanges should lead to setting up a phone call. No more than two phone calls should set you up for one date. And all of this should happen in a three week period of time. This way you don't waste time with the wrong people. Now it's not to say that you can't have a text messaging conversation with somebody. I'm talking about initiating three text message conversations should at some point lead to a telephone call, that telephone call or two should lead to a date. And that should all happen within about no more than three weeks period of time. Because listen, get busy living or get busy dying. The sooner you cut to the chase, the sooner you have a chance to determine if they're right for you. All right. This is gonna be our last question of the day. Question, wouldn't you say that being in love has a romantic connection though? In other words, there is an erotic desire. So, I'm responding to how I responded to the question, have I ever been in love? And I've certainly loved people in my life, but being in love is something I think comes from a healthy place. So first I had to become in love with myself from a healthy place so I can be in love with somebody else. Now, yes, I do agree erotic connection is highly important for the successful relationship. Going back to Esther Perel, she talks about erotic connection is the downfall of most marriages. So yes, this is why I intend when I am in a relationship to practice the four A's, the four A's. That's attention, affection, appreciation and acceptance. Let me repeat that. Attention, affection, appreciation and acceptance. On a daily basis, that's the daily multivitamin, my relationship is gonna require for it to work. And I need to be with a partner who's on board with giving ourselves an injection of attention, affection, appreciation and acceptance on a daily basis. So that's my take on that one. So I first had to become in love with myself to be able to erotically be in love with someone else. Trendsetter, thank you so much for that question. You know folks, Jenny asks, are a lot of your friends divorced? Sadly, out of my wedding party, out of five guys, four of them are divorced. So that's just, I'm giving you an example. A lot of my friends, I do have a lot of friends who are married, have subsequently are in relationship after their divorces. But yeah, that's four out of five guys. So when they say 50% divorce rate and they say that number is going down, I actually think that number is just going up. And I don't care what they say statistically, I believe that number just keeps going up. Sad because people don't know how to choose one another. So if you need help choosing a partner, schedule a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Purchase my book, What That Can Self Love Anyway. Check out all my recommended books and get my free gift that's listed below as well under gift, five, how a man chooses a soulmate. Five ways a man chooses a soulmate. All right, folks, I think this will be a great place to wrap up today. I wanna thank you all for the love and support. Please like this video. Please share this video with your friends. I would be truly grateful if you did that. And please post a comment later. I go back and do my best to read all the comments. All right, we're gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barrow of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow, and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye-bye now. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Ah!