 It is good Bobble Squad, and welcome back to our channel. As you guys can see, I was writing in my journal. Well, it's kind of like a planner. Oh my gosh, it actually has a bookmark, perfect. I didn't even know it had that. Wait, what the heck? I was literally like, oh my gosh, I'm gonna need a bookmark because it says July, August, September, and I was like, it's gonna be so annoying having to try to find each month. Oh, but oh my gosh, that's awesome. It has a bookmark. I don't know, that's been my day. I have been wanting to write in a journal and in like a planner for a while because I have been realizing that when I write things down, I end up like accomplishing more of my goals and like seeing how the week plans out. I hate like not knowing what I'm doing tomorrow. I like just planning and like knowing what the week looks like. So I can either be prepared, I can get motivated. You know, I just feel like this motivates me to like do what I write down. I don't know if anyone else is like that, but when I write something down, it makes me want to accomplish the goal. If I don't write it down, I'm like, oh, I'll just do that tomorrow. I end up being like, oh, I'll do that the next day. I'll do that the next day. And honestly, it feels really good that I got this planner, but I wanted to kind of open up and be very vulnerable with you guys and just kind of like talk to you guys one-on-one because if you do struggle with anxiety and you do struggle with like depression or anything along those lines, just know you are not alone and so, so, so, so many people go through it, especially me. I have been in one of the biggest downfalls with my anxiety and just like not feeling my best. I just really want to be vulnerable and just open up with you guys because you guys are my family and it feels really good, honestly, sharing what goes on in my day-to-day life and to bring awareness to other people who also may struggle to know that you aren't alone and you are okay. And I just love like the YouTube family, our Marvel family, even on TikTok, like you guys are so strong and you guys always leave the sweetest comments, especially on here. You guys are the biggest, strongest family and it honestly feels really good to open up about these things to you guys because you guys are just so loving and appreciative and you know, I just feel very comfortable. Even though I am not the best at explaining my emotions, I feel like that's one thing that I struggle with. I'm not good at explaining what's on my head. Like I know exactly what I want to say but when it comes out of my mouth, it does not come out the way that I was hoping to and I'm always like, I feel like I like think of everything that I want to say but then I don't end up saying it and it like, it stresses me out and that's another reason that causes me anxiety. So I feel like I have so much I want to say but so little comes out or it doesn't come off the right way. I don't know, it's just, it's a struggle. It's been a struggle since you know, I went to school and everything like that but recently my anxiety has been really bad where it's honestly very unbearable throughout my day to day life. It's been a really big struggle and I just want to say, Julia, if you are watching this, she has helped me through this whole period. It's definitely a good feeling knowing you have a friend and a supportive friend who also struggles with stuff like that as well. So you guys can relate and like help each other. You know, it's always good to have a friend that you can lean on and support each other and you know, she's really helped me and opened my eyes to a lot of things and you know, it feels good to have a good friend. So Julia, if you're watching this, I love you so much and I just really want to bring awareness and talk to you guys. I know you guys have, you know, my DMs are open. Sometimes I might not answer all the DMs but if you guys ever want to DM me or just even vent just like sometimes just writing it out honestly makes you feel better. So if you ever just need to write it out, you can just pour all your heart out and emotions to me. I would never judge. I'm the least judgy person. Like I understand people's life situations or so much that could happen. But yeah, so honestly, my anxiety, it's not like terrible because I am on anxiety medicine and by any means I'm not saying you have to go on anxiety medicine or you have to be on this type of medication but for me, it really helps me and sometimes people, you know, they need that extra push and they need that extra like strength to go through your day to day life especially like, I don't know, the more I grew up I formed really bad anxiety and like anxiousness and panic attacks. It's honestly gotten worse and worse and worse the more I grew up and had to adult and live on my own and pay my own bills and also moving away from my family. Like I was literally just talking about this, you know, when I was living back in Chicago I had a lot of distractions. We had our hometown friends, we had all of our family down there. So we honestly, if we get away and like hang out with our family and our friends but since we moved to Florida we really only have one of Bill's sisters and which is awesome that we at least have one family member down here but it just sucks because, you know we don't have friends out here. Besides Ann and Anthony those are really our only friends out here. Sometimes it gets really lonely and it's like, I don't have as many distractions and it's really hot here in the summer so like I want to go outside and take walks or like do stuff outside but it's just so hot out here in the summer that it kind of is like kind of like my winter here. Like back in Chicago, my winter is like my summer here and it's like, it sucks. I want to go outside, I want to take a walk but it's just so freaking hot. So there's a lot of things that, you know like are playing a role in why my anxiety has hyphened and why I'm feeling the way that I'm feeling. I will say I love Florida and I know if my dad's watching this he's probably gonna be like, oh my gosh, like are you okay? I'm okay, I'm not homesick. I love Florida so much. Like this is my place where I want to live forever. I mean, I don't know what the future holds but shoot, we might move somewhere else but for right now, like this is where I want to be and this is where we both want to be but you know, it does get lonely and I think it has a lot to do that triggers my anxiety and like my emotions cause like, I don't know, I just miss being able to hang out with my sister or like knowing I can go out and you know see my mom or dad or my little sister is like, it's like a lot harder cause I can't just do that. I have to actually fly out there. So honestly, the one thing I want to start doing is taking more trips. I want to start getting out of the house and taking more trips which we used to, me and Billy's travel all the time and I feel like that was so therapeutic to me but I'm also very home-bodied. I do love being at home. I do love like just like relaxing on the couch and watching my favorite TV show but I'm also very adventurous too but I will say I am more like home-bodied. So I need to start figuring out like this like writing in my journal. I really want to start writing in this and just like having a set schedule or just like writing it down. I just feel like it's more like therapeutic to me when I'm writing something down. I also really wanted to start coloring. I don't know if that's like weird but I really want to start coloring. I feel like that would honestly really help my anxiety as well. If you guys are wondering what anxiety medicine I am on, I am on Zoloft which is Sertulin. I think that's like the same thing but it's like Sertulin and I am on 50 milligrams but I'm thinking I'm going to try going up to 75 milligrams because I feel like my body, not that it got used to 50 milligrams. I just feel like I need a little bit more because I noticed my anxiety has gotten worse through my day to day life. Like I should not be anxious to go drive an hour somewhere and that's how I am. I'm anxious, I'm always anxious. I'm always overthinking. I'm always in my head, my head. It's like I talk to myself and I make myself think that this is what's going on when it's really not and that's why sometimes I like constantly need reassurance from the people I love because I like, I don't know. I just for some reason my brain can't stop thinking. I'm always thinking I'm constantly like jittery. Like it just sucks. I'm tired of being nauseous all the time. I'm tired of like just being unhappy and it's not, it's not has nothing to do with YouTube. It has nothing to do with my job or anything. It's literally just life, like everything. Anything that I do, I get anxious and it's just, she's not healthy and I will say the 50 milligrams has helped so much. I have come such a long way and honestly for me, medicine has been the best thing that I've ever done because it's helped me. It's helped me go through my day to day life and not be as anxious or having more panic attacks. Shoot, I just flew alone for the first time you guys. Like that was a huge accomplishment and honestly that made me realize I can do anything. So yeah, I want to start like doing things that can distract me and finding new things that I can do to like, like I said, like writing in my journal, coloring, like going on a bike ride, taking the golf cart ride out, playing with the cats, going swimming, like doing things that are out of my, not my comfort zones. Those weren't really out of my comfort zone but doing things out of my comfort zone, pushing myself to get out. And honestly, I feel like COVID really messed me up. Like it kind of like put me in like a standstill. Like before COVID happened, me and Thu were traveling like crazy. We were doing so much stuff and now when COVID happened and we got stuck in our houses for six months I think I have over a year plus. It honestly changed a lot of people and it changed me and it made me like more home-bodied which I'm trying to like break out of that again cause I used to not really be as home-bodied as I am now. So I'm trying to like break through that, break through my anxiety and I always have to remind myself that I'm okay. And if you are someone that struggles with anxiety, depression, ADHD, anything along those lines, keep telling yourself positive thoughts. Say out loud, like I am okay. I am beautiful. Today is going to be a good day. I'm going to have a good night's sleep. I'm going to wake up and have a great workout. I'm going to work as hard as I can. You know, just giving yourself good words of affirmation. Just like stuff like that, like motivating yourself and telling yourself that you can do it and you know, you're strong and you've got this. Us humans sometimes, we will think very negatively about ourselves when really we should be lifting ourselves up because God made you for who you are. So go out there, wear the clothes you want, be who you want, act how you want, be you because honestly the real you is the happier you. And I know that sounds so cliche and like cringy, but it's true, like be yourself. You know, I know social media has a lot to do with people's anxiety and looking at other people and looking what they look like. I know it's hard and easier said than done, but you are beautiful, you are loved and yeah. So I actually been writing in my journal. I wrote what is going on for the next week, which is honestly, this is so fun like writing in my journal. I am getting my wisdom teeth out on the 12th and I'm getting nervous. I know it's gonna be, I'm gonna do really good, but it's honestly scary. So I wrote that down. I wrote down everything. Like I have my hair appointment next week. I have my nail appointment. I actually have a meeting with my doctor for my anxiety medicine on Tuesday, which I'm really excited to talk to my doctor and like find what's best for me and what's gonna work best for me. I just need that extra push, you know? Get ready you guys. So we're gonna have a bunch of content for my wisdom teeth. Oh my God, I'm so nervous. I don't even know what to expect. I've been pushing this off for so long and finally I'm doing it. I'm getting all four pulled. What's really cool about it though is that they're giving like the shot that like numbs your gums for like three days I think. So I shouldn't feel really any pain, which I'm really happy for because I don't know if that really was a thing back in the day. Hi. Hi. Oh, is it snappy? I had to grab one to see how you were doing in here. He's being silly. He's being silly. He's being cute and cuddly. He was sleeping like in himself. I didn't even show you guys my case. So I don't think you guys remember me showing this, but this is actually a white cat. Yeah, I gotta show his face. And Brittany painted snappy's face on here. It looks exactly like him. Oh my goodness. Oh, he's so cute. That's a baby. Come on. I would just talk a little bit about my anxiety and just like getting awareness. I feel like I'm so bad at expressing my thoughts. What are your thoughts? What do you feel? Just like everything. Are you ready to add on your book? No, this is like my journal, but I should put we- So it's so cute. This girl was like, oh I want a journal and I'm like, Mariah wants a journal. She said she had a diary back in the day. I did, I used to write in my diary all the time. But we don't know where this diary is. I think it's with my mom. I don't even know who it is with, to be honest. Well, this could make up for that. This will be like your journal diary. Yeah, cause I have weekly notes. I can write, stay positive. Don't let the world affect you in a negative way. Think positive. See, you already have better words than I do. I wasn't even gonna say something that deep. I feel like this video is so scramble. Cause I'm a very scramble person. Like I never know what I'm, I have so much in my head, but when it comes out of my mouth, it's not what I'm thinking in my head. That makes totally sense. Yeah. I was just running awareness and I want you guys to know that you are not alone. Me and Bill, well, you don't really struggle with it. I don't have a lot of anxiety. I get an anxiety like, I had anxiety like once or twice in my life, like bad. But like, everyone has their things that they stress about. Yeah, everyone stresses or gets, you know, anxiety or emotions. How you don't know, better? Yeah, I felt really good writing. Go through waves, right? Yeah, go through waves. It's okay, like, you know. Yeah, it feels good to write our schedule down though. So I feel like that really stresses me out. I was like, the day we have to film, we're like, oh my God, what do we film? Like, what TikToks do we do? And it's like- It's fun, no, it's fun. We love filming. No, I know, I'm just saying like, I like knowing what we're filming and what we're doing the day before because then it gets you like, pumped to eat. Filming is the best, easiest part. It's just like the work up to that. If you don't like have a plan, it definitely can cause some anxiety. Yeah, it's definitely a lot, but I just want to talk to you guys, open up, you guys are my, our family. And I love being open and vulnerable with you guys because I feel like it kind of shows you guys you guys aren't alone and you guys have us. A lot more coming in the future. You know, a lot more fun videos, more, you know, vlog style, you know, uplifting, even like, you know, our pranks and challenges that we do, like we have a lot more fun stuff, especially with our family in the future. We want to just be real with you guys because, you know, we're human beings. We go through everyday life just like you guys, you know, we're not any different. Going into this next part of our lives, like we want to be able to probably like, you know, talk a little more, even like in the middle of our videos, talk a little more about us considering like, you know, we're growing up and we're starting, you know, our next chapter, you know what I mean? Like, you know, like obviously we haven't been married yet, but you know, who's to say that that won't come in the future and we haven't had kids yet, but who's to say that won't come in the future, you know? So we have a lot ahead. Yeah, we do. And we got you guys to bring us along. I know. And also I'm actually getting a chemical peel today. I didn't even mention it. We also got a pedicure. Oh my gosh, another one. You surprised me with a pedicure today. Oh yeah, did you even mention that? No, I forgot. Our toes clean. Look at my legs, feel my legs. Oh, they feel good. I'm getting another chemical peel because I want to stay up on top of it and my skin's looking so good. The whole face, if you did not see that video, it was a couple of videos ago, make sure to go watch that video. This is what her face is gonna look like again. Literally it was like falling off. Your skin was falling off of the, like it was crazy. And it's gonna be like that this weekend. I know, great. But you guys, we're gonna end the video right here. I'm gonna go ahead, relax and wait to go get my peel. Oh, it's gonna be falling. It's gonna be fire. I can't wait to see it again. See me all peely and flaky. Yeah, so fun. But you guys, make sure you guys stay tuned for next video and we will see you guys in the next one. But until then, peace. Love you guys. Peace.