 And I'm so excited to share that with you guys. That is such an answered prayer because I was so desperate to talk to this person that it didn't matter. My needs didn't matter. If you have to remind them that you exist, they are not the one for you. Hello, hello everybody. Welcome back to The Walk Podcast. If you're new here, my name is Sam. I post all things faith, lifestyle, travel vlogs. This channel is essentially a video diary of my life. I've been making these podcast episodes for about 10 months or so now, if you're new. And I just, I have gone through a year, year and a half of just such transition. I've learned so much. My faith has grown so much. And I have felt how amazing it feels. And so I just have so much to share because I want everybody to feel what I have felt in the last year. So that's essentially what this podcast is. I always encourage you guys to remember that this is never my intention to preach at you or come across as holier than thou ever. It's more of like preaching back and forth. I'm preaching to myself as well. And even I don't even like the word preaching because you know what? I'm not a preacher. Sometimes I check myself a little bit and I'm like, Sam, relax a little bit. But I just have so much to share with you guys. And so I will be here sharing for as long as you want to listen. But yeah, we're up to episode 16. 16 is my favorite number. So I'm hoping that means that this is gonna be a really good episode. I'm excited for it. And this one isn't as like quote unquote preachy. I don't really have scriptures for you at all. Like it's not that kind of message. We're actually gonna be talking about dating and identity and rejection and all those things. It's really on my heart to talk about those things. And I've wanted to for a while but now I feel like I'm at a good headspace where I can really talk about it more in depth. So it's gonna be more like big sister, you know, best friend kind of vibes that we're gonna talk like that in this episode. So I'm excited for it. But before we get into it, ooh, I have some things to share with you and I'm really excited. So first order of business. Remember when I sat here a couple episodes ago and I said, we're not on Spotify yet but mark my words, one day it will be. Well guys, here we are. The podcast is officially on Spotify. And I'm so excited. I just, I felt like it was time and I really sat down and I worked really hard to get all the episodes ready and converted into the right format and to put it all out there for you guys. So it is, now we're available for video streaming here on YouTube or just audio only on Spotify. And I'm so excited to share that with you guys. That is such an answered prayer and I'm so excited about it. And so a couple things. I will have the link to my podcast down below in the description box if you wanna check that out or you can just search the walk podcast on Spotify and it will pop up. It would really, really mean a lot to me if you guys could follow the podcast on there because it's gonna boost the podcast up and more people can see it. And I would also really appreciate if you wouldn't mind to rate the podcast. Now I'm not gonna tell you, give it five stars although I would love it if you did. That would really, that would mean a lot to your girl but I'm not gonna say that but I would really appreciate any rating of any kind on there because all of that is gonna boost the podcast up. And again, like I said, I just have so much that I wanna say, that I wanna share with as many people as I can. And so doing those things is really gonna bump it up for more people to see. So if you are a follower of my channels, if you're a follower of the podcast, I would really, really appreciate you guys to go show Spotify some love. Even if you are gonna prefer to just watch on YouTube, that's totally fine but I would really appreciate it. It's free to do and it only takes a couple seconds. I think Spotify, you do have to listen a little bit before you are able to rate it but regardless that support would really, really mean a lot to me. And so I'm so excited to share that to you. So now I have to be kind of mindful that this is not just video only. Now some people may be listening just audio and they may not be able to see everything that I'm doing. And it's really cool. I get messages from people that are like, oh, I listened to the podcast in the car. I listened to it while I'm on my walk. And hopefully this will make it easier for you to do that. You won't have like ads in the middle and you can just put it on your phone, lock your phone and put your phone in your pocket and just listen. So hopefully that will make it easier for you guys. So I'm so excited. So every time an episode drops here on YouTube it's also gonna drop on Spotify. So, so excited for that. And again, thank you in advance for your support. So excited for that. The second thing, remember when I sat here, I think it was even the last episode or maybe two episodes ago where I said God really put the words let them see you on my heart and I discovered that it was about letting people in my life see my podcast episodes and my just YouTube videos in general that I've been doing for so long. Just not to be as shy about it anymore to be proud of it because why do something if you're not proud of it, right? So that was my thing, let them see you. And I felt led, I shared this with you, I felt led to go and start posting clips of the podcast on TikTok. So I started doing that as like a promotional thing and I was, I am really proud of it. And I was sharing it, I was even sharing it on my personal TikTok, I like reposted one. And one morning, I think it was like two weeks ago, I was praying as I did every morning or as I do every morning and I was like, God, I really hope and I pray that you continue to help me show people this side of me and let them really see me. You know, open doors, open doors for people to really see me. That same day, I'm at work and I, again, I had been posting the TikTok. So I wasn't like surprised, I knew it was going to happen but it happened in that day. I was sitting at work and I get a TikTok DM and I open it and it's from my coworker. Now this is on my personal TikTok but it's from my coworker. And he sent me one of my clips from my podcast channel to my personal. And he was of course very, he was very supportive about it. You know, he was like, Sam, this is like, this is fire with a bunch of like fire emojis. And while I look back and I'm like, oh, that's really cool but in the moment, I did one of these, right? If you're watching on YouTube, I did one of these where I read it and I went and just immediately put my phone down and I like did one of those. And if you know who you are, you coworker, if you're watching this, this is what happened in the moment. And I really had to, I had to take a second and I was like, Sam, you prayed for this. This is what you wanted. This is what God told you to do. I was texting my friend Kathy and I was like, I need you to check me because God is telling me to do this but I'm scared and I want to hide. And she was like, nope. She was like, this is what God told you to do. So you're going to go with it and you're going to obey and you're going to be okay with it. And I said, okay. That's fine. So I was okay. And then I became really at peace with it. And this coworker is a Christian of mine, a Christian of mine. That's weird. He's a Christian as am I. And was very supportive of it. So I was like, thank you, Lord, that the first person that found it is someone who is in agreement with this. Like, this is cool. And so he and I have kind of talked about it a little bit, but not really yet but that was the beginning. And then that same night, another coworker followed my TikTok podcast channel or page or whatever. And I was like, okay. Okay. I was like, yup, this is what we prayed for. This is what we were believing for. I was like, oh, you're okay. I was like, literally trying to check myself. I was like, Sam, you're okay. You're fine. This is what's supposed to happen. Now I'm at such peace with it. It's actually very exciting to me. And it's answered prayers. I believe this is what's supposed to happen. It's just, it's a little, it's not that I'm embarrassed. It's just that the feeling of feeling vulnerable is a scary feeling. I'm sure many of you have felt it. And so my first instinct is just to panic, but I'm getting better with it. I'm getting much better. We're making strides and I pray about it every day that God would make me bold and unashamed and all the things. But that happened. So I just wanted to share that with you guys. So if any of you co-workers, friends who may have not watched this before, but maybe you're watching or listening now, hello, I'm really glad you're here. And when you see me in person, if you have any questions, let's talk about it. So that's that. So anyway, I just wanted to share that because I don't know what, I don't fully know what God's doing with this podcast, but I truly feel in my heart that something is happening, that this is all happening the way it's supposed to. And full transparency, when I posted episode 15, the last episode, I think in my opinion, that episode was very bold in comparison to my other ones where it just, like I was very like certain, like I don't know how to explain it. It just felt bold. Like I was more like, you know, this feels wrong to do it this way. This is the right way to do it. Like it was more, it was more bold. I was more confident in it, which is great. But I had severe like, what is it? What is it when you're imposter syndrome? Like something like that, where I was just, I had a moment of real anxiety that night, the same night I posted it, where I was really anxious. And these thoughts were in my head of like, Sam, who do you think you are? Like why do you feel like people should listen to you? Like why does what you say matter? Truly, those were the thoughts that were going through my head. And I think, you know, the enemy uses that stuff. We're not gonna get into that now. That's like a whole sermon, but I really think that when something big is about to happen and like big things are happening, not to say that this podcast is gonna go viral and that that's not what I'm saying, but I really do believe that this podcast is touching people and it's changing lives. And I don't say that for my glory. I say it for his. And when things are happening or about to happen, that's when self-doubt comes in, that's when insecurity comes in and it tries to prevent you from going the way you're supposed to. So I was really fighting, I was fighting those feelings head on and I was like, nope, that's from, you know, not today, Satan, literally. We're, you know, we're not inviting that in, we're not letting that in. And even now, like as I was getting ready, and I'm rambling a lot, we're gonna get into the meat and potatoes, I promise. But when I was getting ready to sit down and film this, I'm not gonna lie. My heart was beating really fast and I felt really anxious. It was like something was preventing me from like, or trying to prevent me from sitting down and continuing to make these episodes. And we're fighting that. We're fighting it. And now that I'm here and I'm talking to you and I'm in front of the camera, I feel good. And I'm excited to talk about what we're gonna talk about. So anyway, that's all my housekeeping stuff. Yeah, it's come, it's the prayers being answered of let them see you now. And now I like feel in my mind, I'm like, I want to tell people, like all my old church friends from my old church, you know, I want to tell them they don't know and I even, I shared it with my church friends now at my new church and they were very supportive about it. And just, you know, I don't know. Good things are happening. Anyway, what I wanted to talk about today is I want to talk about identity. And more specifically, I want to talk about identity within a relationship and how not to lose your own identity in a relationship. I also want to talk about feelings of rejection. I want to talk about, you know, the feeling of like having to chase somebody, we're gonna get into all that. But we're gonna start with identity and identity in a relationship. And a lot of what I'm going to say, I'm sure that some of you are going to be like, duh, like that all goes without saying. But you would be surprised that some people, I was one of them, it's very hard for them to keep their own identity when they enter into a relationship, to be their own person, to stay their own person, to acknowledge, yes, I'm in a relationship, but we are two separate people with two separate friend groups maybe, or two sets of interests or two different hobbies or whatever, we are two separate people. And I'm not even talking about marriage. I feel like marriage is different. I'm obviously not married, so I don't feel qualified to speak on that really. But I mean like in a relationship, like dating boyfriend, girlfriend, because in my experience, I was not very good at that. And I didn't even realize it until the relationship was over. So we're gonna get into that. We're gonna talk about that. So if you are maybe, you know, very emotionally and mentally mature and you're like, duh, Sam, yes, I know I'm my own person. I honestly, I'm very proud of you. I'm gonna talk to the people who that may not be so easy for you. So, you know, you know me. I have some notes. Again, I don't have like scriptures or anything like that today, but I do have some notes to kind of keep me on track. Anyway, so I think, and I can only really speak in my experience, but in my experience, I realized that in moments or in relationships where I felt this way, where I was starting to lose my own identity, my own self, what I was feeling more than love was infatuation. And infatuation can become really dangerous because infatuation is not love. Love, in my opinion, and from everything that I'm learning, love is not a feeling. Love is a choice. It's a choice to put somebody, somebody's needs above your own, somebody's desires above your own. It's to lay down, it's, I said I had no scriptures for you, but okay, I don't know what the actual scripture is, but in the Bible, it explains that love is putting, is laying one's life down for another. It doesn't even have to be romantically. That is what love is. It's a choice. It's a choice to show that love when you don't feel like it. Infatuation is different. Infatuation is led by lust. It's led by desire. It's led by sometimes, honestly, insecurity, where you feel like maybe, like they're so out of my league, but they're showing me a little bit of attention. So I'm gonna chase them and I'm gonna pursue them. And pursuing is not always bad and pursuing is not bad at all actually. We're gonna get into that. But when it becomes infatuation and you're just like transfixed by this person and they're all you think about and they're all you want and you put them above your needs and your wants, that's when it becomes dangerous. And I felt that way in the past where one person, for example, was like my end all be all, like thought about them all the time. They called, no matter what time of day, I would be answering. There were times where I was sleeping and I got a call and I would wake up in the middle of the night and be like awake and present, be like, yeah, I'm ready to talk because you wanna talk to me now. It's putting, it's an unhealthy way of putting somebody else before your knees because like I said, love is putting someone's knees before your own, but that's healthy. Infatuation is not healthy. And anyway, it got to a point where I was so infatuated that I was putting the idea, I wasn't even in a relationship yet, but I was putting the idea of a relationship with this person above everything else. For example, before we were even dating around a time, around that time, I was working really early morning shifts, like I'm talking like I had to be there 3, 4, 5 a.m. So you would think I'd go to bed at like 8 p.m., which I wasn't. But anyway, I was young and dumb and I thought that I could survive on three hours regardless. There were times where I'd be laying down, getting ready to go to sleep to try to get my four or five hours of sleep. And this person that I was so infatuated with would call me at midnight, sometimes 1 a.m. Your girl would answer because I was so desperate to talk to this person that it didn't matter. My needs didn't matter. It didn't matter that I needed to get up to go to work. Okay, some of you are probably listening to this right now and you're probably like, well, that's stupid. Yes, you would be correct. But I know I'm not the only one that has done this. Maybe some of you can relate. So that's the kind of infatuation that is just unhealthy. And you don't even realize that it's hurting you in the process. You don't realize that you're hurting yourself in the process by not putting yourself first in that scenario. And you're not, by doing that, you're not loving yourself well either, which, you know, I've been a big proponent of that this past year of just like self love and learning how to put yourself first. And you're not doing that when you're putting stupid things like that above your needs. And I read a book by Madison Pruitt Trout. And I think I've talked about it before. It's called The Love That Everybody Wants. And there's a quote in that book that I think I wrote it somewhere. Yeah, she said, when you make someone your everything, you lose everything else. And that's very true. This is very true. I circled it and underlined it in the book because when I was reading it, I was like, wow, I can so relate to that. And I wrote it down in my notes here because I wanted to share it. So I think it's important to make someone that you're interested in or someone you're in a relationship. It is important to make them important, but you cannot make them your end all, be all. And that's what I was guilty of. So I wanted to talk about some tips on how going forward, like as I have been dating and in my next relationship, whenever that comes, tips that I'm going to use, I think I only have like three of them, that I'm going to use to help me not lose my identity ever again. There is a Kelsey Ballerini song that was in her Rolling Up the Welcome, Matt E.P., I think it was called. And that came out around the time of my breakup. And girl, I was singing that song in the car at the top of my lungs. I love her. She's a country artist and I just, I love her. And that album really got me through. And there's one song that says, I hope I learned to love me like I loved you then. And I hope I never leave me again. And I was like, ooh, that like really like sucker punched me in the gut because I have been there where you love somebody so much that you're abandoning yourself. And so here are some tips that I'm going to try to implement. Not that I'm gonna try to implement, that I'm going to implement. Moving forward and that I have been implementing. So first one is to kind of keep your own routine. So by that, I mean really identify the things that you do in your everyday life that have value for you. For example, getting my workout in every day. I value that. It makes me feel good physically and mentally. And my Bible study and my prayer time, my quiet time in the mornings, that is very important to me. And it's so easy for me to do that now because I have my own place and I can do that whenever I want. So identifying those things that you value. And then when that person comes along, you're not sacrificing those values. I used to be so guilty of like, I would have plans or something that I wanted to do or like I said, have to go to bed early for work. And then I would get a call or a text being like, hey, let's hang out. And I would drop everything. I mean everything. I would drop everything to go hang out with that person. Again, not loving myself well, not keeping my routine, not doing the things that I value that make me happy, that make me feel good because you're chasing that infatuation. So maintaining your identity number or step number one, identifying what you're passionate about, you find value in and not sacrificing those things just because somebody cute comes along. It doesn't mean you can't be flexible. Please don't understand me. Being flexible is important in any relationship, whether it's friends, family, or a romantic relationship. That's very important, I think. Yes, be flexible. What I'm saying to not do is to just literally drop everything because a relationship is coming or is here or somebody cute hits you up and's like, hey, let's link up, I hate when people say that. I don't want people to say that like where you live. People say that here, let's link up, it drives me crazy. Anyway, that's a side note. So that's number one. Next time a guy or a girl calls you and's like, hey, let's hang out, don't drop everything. Do what you gotta do first. Take care of yourself first. And then they'll be there after you're done. And if they're not, then maybe that's not the person for you. Okay, so that's tip number one. Step number two is prioritizing your family relationships and your friend ships. Oh, I was so bad at this. And if any of my family members are watching, they're probably be like, yeah, you were. I took my friendships and my family relations, my familial relationships for granted for a long time. I'm not proud of it. I regret it. I was just the type where I would drop everything for this relationship or for a relationship or to hang out with a guy or whatever. I think it's important to include your significant other in your plans with your friends or your family. And I think it's equally as important to have your time with your family and your friends without your significant other there. I was really guilty of that. It got to a point, and there's a lot more that goes into this that I found out about later, but it got to a point where I was in a relationship where when we were doing separate things, I would get so anxious. That's like anxious attachment. That is not healthy. And if I could go back and tell myself, hey, this is a red flag that you maybe want to address within yourself and within your relationship, I would. Now again, there are a lot of feelings and things that went into those insecurities that I was feeling and now I know where they came from. That's a different story. But it got to a point where if we were doing separate things with separate friends, I'll never forget. There was one day where like I almost cried and I was towards the end of the relationship so that makes sense because it was just very unhealthy. But that is not healthy. So yes, include your significant others in your friends' plans, bring them around your family. That's important. You want them to have a relationship with the people in your life, but it is equally as healthy to do your own thing. And just be, I wish I could just go back and shake myself and be like, you are two separate people. And especially if you're not married. And I don't know if anybody can relate to this, but when you're in a relationship and you're so sure, I'm gonna marry this person. Like this is my future husband. This is my future wife. So I might as well just act like we're married now. No, look at me or listen to me if you're not looking at me. No, if there is no ring on your finger, you are two separate people. You are not one until you are married. In my opinion, point blank period. I'll never forget after, do I wanna share this? Yeah, I'll share it. After my last relationship, I'll never forget. I was talking to somebody who I've known for a very, very long time. I was almost like a mentor figure of mine. And we were talking about a relationship that I was in and things that were happening towards the end. And she asked about it and I told her the truth. And then I said, but I was just trying to work through it because I was so sure that this was gonna be my husband that I was like, he's my future husband. No matter what it is, we're gonna be able to work through it. And she said to me point blank. We are on the phone. She said to me, Sam, no. She said, unless there is a ring on your finger, you do not put up with that behavior. And she said, even when you have a ring on your finger within reason, if it's really like an abusive situation, you do not put up with that. You are two separate people still. You have no claim on him. He has no claim on you. You are not one in God's eyes. You are not one by law. You are not one. If you do not have a ring on your finger, you do not put up with behavior like that. And I will never forget it. I will never forget that conversation because that was my mentality. To the point where I was putting up with behavior that, and again, I always say this, I will never sit here and say that I was perfect because I was not, but I was putting up with behavior that was so much less than I deserved that I was sitting there begging somebody not to leave me just because in my mind I was like, yeah, but I'm gonna marry this person. So I have to start acting like a wife now. I couldn't even tell you what my mentality was because even that, I just said that, that doesn't even make sense. But that was my thought process. And in a way, it does show me how deeply I can love and how unconditionally I can love, which I think is great, but it's just, again, it's maintaining your identity. You are two separate people. So anyway, basically what I'm saying is don't have that mentality of where you have a picture in your future, or a picture in your mind of your future, and then you become lenient on behavior that you don't deserve. I think that's what I was trying to say. So we'll put a little bow on that. And then the last little tip I have for maintaining your identity in a relationship is keeping your passions, right? So what is your passion and your purpose? I could speak to me, for example, obviously, I don't have to tell you guys, this podcast is a passion project of mine. YouTube is a passion of mine. Just content creation in general, whether it's TikTok. I mean, I make no money on TikTok, but TikTok actually brings me joy. I feel like it's a creative outlet for me. And it's just fun for me. And it's becoming a passion of mine. YouTube has been a passion of mine for almost a decade, this podcast. And so identify your passions and the right person will not pull you away from those things. They will actually encourage you to, hey, go do your, yeah, go do your own thing. Go film a YouTube video. Go film your podcast episode. Go, you know, do your things. If you're, I don't know, whatever you're into, if you're into music, if you're into art, whatever, your person should push you to, what's the word? Help me. Pursue, is that the word I'm looking for? They will push you to pursue those passions. And I truly think that all of us on this earth, none of us are an accident. None of us were born by accident. I think we all have a purpose. I truly, truly believe that. And my prayer for you and my hope for you is that you find it one day if you haven't found it yet. And when you have found it, lean into it and run full speed ahead and really just give it all you got. But I think a person will either pull you away from your passions or will push you closer. It's one of the two. And I remember for me and my last relationship for sure, YouTube took a big step back. I was still posting every week, twice a week. Like I never stopped that. But my passion dwindled because my relationship became my end all be all forefront of my mind at all times that I was putting effort into YouTube, but like barely. I feel like the right person will really motivate you to make your passion grow even stronger and really lean into those passions and encourage you. So that's a big one. And that kind of goes with the first tip of like finding things that you value and not letting somebody else like trump that. You know what I mean? So I guess those two kind of go in hands but keeping your passion and really just remembering and I've talked about this so I'm not gonna talk about it like too much but it's really just so important to remember that another person cannot complete you. They can't because they will fail you at some point where all human were all flawed. We're gonna hurt our partners. We're going to, we're gonna disappoint people. Another person can't complete you because your identity has to come. I've talked about it so much and I don't wanna like bore you so I'm not gonna go into it but they can't complete you because what happens if you're leaning on them to be whole, right? And then they fail you or they hurt your feelings or they cheat on you or whatever and then you're left with nothing. So I've preached that to you many times but I'm just so passionate about it. You know, you can only be complete by one person and that's my guy upstairs according to me and what I have learned and what I have experienced firsthand really. I have leaned on someone to complete me. That didn't work. I have leaned on God to complete me and it's just the difference is just night and day. It's night and day, it really is. And now with that I want to lean into now this like infatuation thing of just like you are so infatuated that this person just is all consuming your mind and you just wanna pursue them and you wanna chase them. I chased somebody for years. The same person like for years to the point where it's like kind of embarrassing but you just, if you've ever felt that infatuation sometimes it's just really, really hard to break it. And so sometimes having so much infatuation chasing somebody with all you got will sometimes end up in feelings of rejection. I chased somebody for a long time and I got a no multiple times. That was actually the first that I ended up dating but for years I chased and I got no's a couple times and you would think after the first no you'd be like, okay, you move on. I don't know, maybe my frontal lobe and my brain wasn't developed yet enough for me to be like, okay, yeah, let's move on. Anyway, that's a different conversation for another day but what I do wanna say is firstly, I actually, I don't believe in rejection. I don't think it's a thing. I believe in redirection and I've talked about this before. When something doesn't work out whether it's a job you don't get that job or somebody doesn't wanna date you or somebody breaks up with you or whatever it is that's not, it's not rejection. Please don't think of it like that. It's redirection. So if something doesn't work out that just means that it wasn't for you and you get so much peace when you think about things that way. If something doesn't work out it simply just wasn't for you. You have something better. If that job didn't work out there's a better one that's more suited for you on the way. That person didn't wanna date you, they're not your person because the right person would never put themselves in a position to lose you. That's a whole other discussion that we can maybe talk about another time but it's true, let me say it again. The right person will not put themselves in a position to lose you ever because they see you as too valuable, okay? And that should go both ways. You should respond with that same energy back to your person. But it's that simple. If something passes you, it wasn't for you. I truly believe that if it's for you nobody can take it away from you and if it's not from you you have absolutely no power strong enough to be able to keep it. So once you develop that mentality everything is so much easier and life becomes so much more peaceful because that sting of rejection won't be there. I always tell my friends like if somebody doesn't wanna date them or they get ghosted or stood up on a date or whatever I always tell them the same thing see this as a blessing because see it as this person is now out of the way. They're eliminated, they're out of the way and now there's room for the right thing the right person, the right job to come in because if it's not for you why would you want it? It's just gonna waste your time. So be happy that it's out of the way and focus on the fact that now there's room for something better to come in. I'm telling you once you really adapt that mentality and you meditate on that and really meditate and put it in your heart the peace that you feel is out of this world it is night and day. So anyway, that was kind of a little bit of a tangent but this feeling, I just keep coming back to this feeling of infatuation it leads to chasing and I wanna talk to maybe younger people but honestly people my age and even older could probably go through this too. I have learned that when it comes to like needing to get somebody's attention like if you wanna post like a cute selfie or like the two people still call them thirst traps I don't know, you post these things to get the person that you have feelings for that you have a crush on or whatever to pay attention to you I wanna say this really clearly ready and I hope that if you get anything out of this episode I pray that these words stay with you, ready? If you have to remind them that you exist they are not the one for you I'm gonna say it one more time if you have to remind this person that you exist they are not for you. The right person will pursue you the right person will lead with clarity will not have you second guessing will not make you feel like an option they're gonna make you feel like a priority and this is can you tell I'm like really passionate about this topic because I have been through it and I have learned and I wanna do a whole episode on this I think and just like dating in general and like dating as a Christian in 2024 cause it's really hard and it's really different and I'm just very passionate about it so maybe I'll do that cause it's February so I you know it's more it's the month that's associated with like dating and love so maybe I can make it like a little series I don't know it's just it's really it's really strong on my heart. Oh Lord what was I saying? Oh yeah when you have to remind somebody that you exist by posting a selfie or posting something probably dumb and I'm saying that out of love because I have done it online for them to remember that you exist they're not the one for you because what happens is when you are posting these things for this I'm gonna speak to my girls for a second just because I have been there when you're posting something to get this guy's attention and especially if it's a picture of like your body or whatever please keep in mind and I say this with love what you catch him with is what you're going to have to keep him with so if you're catching him with your looks with your you know I don't know I don't know what you post booty cheeks hanging out or I don't know you know what I mean but you're trying to like you're trying to look all good and like look all you know whatever what you keep him with you are or what you real him in with you're going to have to keep him with and I hate to tell you it's true after a year, year and a half, two years the honeymoon phase is gonna end and even for you the relationship isn't gonna feel as exciting it should always feel a little exciting I'm a firm believer that you should never stop dating even if you've been married 50 years but still it's true that the relationship the excitement of it is going to eventually fade and what happens is when what you caught him with isn't enticing to him anymore he's gonna be looking around for the next enticing thing and then he's gonna be pulled in another direction by that if he feels like he's not getting it from you anymore and I hate to tell you this also we're all gonna age right parts of us are gonna start to sag if you have abs maybe one day you're not gonna have abs the butt's not gonna be as lifted all the things our bodies are gonna change and what happens then? because what you caught him with you don't have anymore so did he really like you for you? does he love you for you? or did you just get him with your looks? and then again as that excitement fades he looks the other direction and sees another thirst trap or whatever he's gonna be enticed by that you don't want a person like that anyway you don't want a person who you have to remind hey I'm here hey I'm looking good today you know I hope you hit me up I hope you send me a snap streak I hope you whatever people are doing now I don't know you don't want somebody like that you don't wanna chase somebody like that don't allow yourself to be infatuated with somebody like that because it's gonna hurt you I'm telling you it's gonna hurt you and even you wanna go a step further if you pull a guy with your looks right and this can go for guys too guys post gym selfies or whatever you guys post I don't know but the guys can do this too what happens when you pull somebody with your looks and then God forbid you get sick or you have a stroke or your body looks different then what? you want somebody who's really gonna love you for you who's gonna pursue you for you for your heart for your mind and it sounds cheesy but it's true I'm not gonna lie and say that physical attraction is not an important thing oh it absolutely is it absolutely is but it shouldn't be the first thing it should not be what starts it I mean if you're on an app right the first thing you're meeting somebody with is your looks right I get that or when you meet somebody in person the first thing you're gonna see before you talk to them is their looks I get that but as you're going through the dating process and the pursuing process and all that it's just so important to just really let somebody see your heart and let somebody see your mind be very mindful of what you're pulling these people with that you're interested in because it doesn't last the physical doesn't last don't chase and please for the love of goodness don't chase someone who doesn't deserve to be chased by you somebody who is treating you like an option somebody who is doing the playing hard to get thing is playing games is you know some guys that I have personally encountered you know they they'll like it's almost like they tap you on the shoulder and be like hey how's it going and then they turn around and they want you to chase them the rest of the way this is not to say that pursuing somebody is bad this is not to say that women can't pursue men some saying the bible does say that a man who finds a woman finds a good thing not going to deny that but that's not to say that women shouldn't show that they're interested shouldn't show you know that they're paying somebody attention shoot your shot girl but just make sure that it's for the right reasons and that it's for somebody that deserves it this is like you're even if you're older than me I still am going to call it like my big sister advice because I have done it and I have seen what happens when it doesn't go well it strips you of your confidence it strips you of your self-worth it strips you of it's just it you forget what you bring to the table it just it does a lot of harm that takes quite a while to rebuild in some cases so I hope that all made sense I want to double-check my notes to make sure that there's nothing that I that I missed I guess the only thing that I really didn't say that I have written here is the minute that if you especially if you're talking to somebody new right and you're in like the dating stage the minute it starts to feel forced I my advice to you would be that that's probably not the relationship for you I have been you know I like one of the last guys I went on a couple dates with this was kind of a while ago but you know you always feel when the vibe just changes right like they are all about you they are they're they're texting you all the time they're sending you pictures they're involving you in their life they're asking you out on dates all the things and then all of a sudden the vibe just changes and the vibe of the text messages change the text messages get shorter or you know the amount of days in between you know contact gets longer the vibe just changes that is not your sign to try harder I believe my opinion that is not your sign to try harder that is your sign to really sit with yourself and evaluate okay is this for me is this the person for me I truly believe and to be quite vulnerable this is something that I haven't experienced yet but I really do believe that something like a relationship that is good for you and maybe a relationship with someone that you're eventually going to end up marrying that kind of relationship should be easy and I use that word with caution because no relationship is easy but it should when I say easy it should come with peace it should come with clarity it should not be forced and I haven't fully experienced that yet but I truly and I think that's why all my relationship haven't worked out yet but I truly believe that the right one you won't have to force you won't have to chase remember keep in mind there's a big difference between chasing and pursuing because chasing is more on the unhealthy side whereas pursuing can be very healthy is usually very healthy um... so that's my kind of like big sister advice to you just remember that you are your own person remember what you bring to the table remember your value remember your worth and anyone who does not make you feel that way I truly believe is not for you and sometimes that's a really big pill to swallow I have been disrespected in relationships and still didn't leave because I didn't know my worth and I just continued to put up with it please learn from from my mistakes when it starts to feel forced when you have to remind somebody that you're there that you exist when you have to remind somebody of your beauty when you have to remind somebody of your worth I truly believe that there's better for you and maybe you're in a relationship right now where some of this rings a bell I'm sorry that I maybe made this hard for you maybe this was hard for you to listen to but I really say it with love remember your worth remember what you bring to the table remember who you are and who you were before the relationship started and don't let go of that person I truly want all of that for you I feel really I've never ended an episode like this before but I feel really led to pray for you guys right now doesn't have to be weird if you pray if you believe I just close your eyes with me right and just listen to what I say and I pray that you receive it and agree with it you know the bible says that when two or more people are gathered together even if we're not together physically but we're kind of together right now when two or more people agree on something it will come to pass so I pray that you just kind of sit with me and agree and I'm just gonna say a quick little prayer over you guys because I love you and I'm always thinking of you so oh Lord God thank you for this time together thank you for this platform thank you that I have an opportunity to connect with the people on the other side of the screen and I might not know them personally I might not fully know their heart but you do and so I pray that the things that I said in this episode really resonated with them I pray that it touched their heart and I pray that you continue to just so whatever seed has been planted in their heart father I leave them in your hands I pray that you would shine your face upon them that you would show them your mercy your grace and your love that if they need peace in their life right now Lord that you would you would fill them with that peace and that joy that surpasses all understanding that joy that can only come from you I pray if there's something in in their bodies that is not working properly Lord my my friends on the other side of the screen that maybe having some health issues or some mental health issues I pray that you would lay your hands on them father you are the master healer you are you are the master medic you know our doctors and our nurses are smart but you know even more than them father and your word says that by your stripes we are healed father so I pray that you just work in their bodies Lord and that you just bring them back to health and that it will be for your glory always I thank you for this podcast platform I pray you always bless it father and I thank you for this time of fellowship together in Jesus name we pray Amen I love you guys thank you for being here and I'll see you in the next episode