 Unconditional love, unconditional love. So. Nice song. Hi there, lovers and friends. Hi there, lover and friend. You like the movies? Yes. You like that? No. I didn't think you would. Sorry about that. We're going to start this video and address a clip from the podcast we did with JD. And his podcast is called Who Can Relate. You guys should check it out. It was really awesome. And you and I talked about unconditional love. And in that video, I said, You could come to me, you know this, you can come to me and say you've got another woman pregnant. That'd be like, tell me more. No, you're lying right now, it's cat. It's kind of a percent. It's all cat. You didn't believe me. And a lot of people had questions about that. So I wanted to clarify that point and also clarify, because I think my stance on the concept of unconditional love has definitely changed throughout our time together. And you've seen that happen, I think amongst various videos. And so I wanted to just touch base on where I'm at today. And hopefully that leaves the reflections for all of you on where you're at and the topic of conditional love and unconditional love and conditional relationships and unconditional relationships, which I've now learned to separate the two. Oh, interesting. It is interesting. And if you want this interesting content, we're about to get into it. But first, here's a message from our sponsor, BetterHelp. If there is one thing in this world that's constant, it's change. And now sometimes those are small changes, like this. Or sometimes they're big changes, like someone I know who's changing decades in a couple of weeks. Okay, all right. They're looking good on you already. So big birthday coming up, babe. And I have a few gifts for you. But the one gift that I got you that I want to give you today is... Nice, a therapy consultation. I set you up with your very first therapy session. 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So if you're ready to join me on a therapeutic journey to the optimal you, visit BetterHelp.com slash booty. That's BetterHELP.com slash B-O-O-D-Y. And that's gonna get you 10% off your first month with BetterHelp. Well, back to my under 30 clothes because I'm technically still in my 20s. Oh, yes you are. Milk it. So I said to you that if you got pregnant with somebody else's baby, that would not be, to me, grounds to end the relationship. Yeah. And you did not believe me. I did not. Why? Here's what I think. I think that because we agreed for it to be free and open and we take things as they come, you envision that that consequence is something that you have to take on. Which I don't think is true. I think that, yes, it is a possibility that if we're having sex with other people that you could get pregnant or I could get someone else pregnant. However, I don't think that because we agreed to be open, that means that you have to agree with the consequences of either one of our actions. In turn, what we always talk about, if I decided to be open and there was a time in our relationship where you're like, I don't really feel comfortable with that, you or I have the choice and the opportunity to say, okay, should we continue this thing or should we step away from it? Same goes with this. If I got someone pregnant or you got pregnant, also with our openness, it's open communication. I can also have the right to be like, I'm not down with this and I don't really enjoy this anymore. And that's a part of the consequences. And I think most people, when they hear what you're in an open relationship, that should be just what you post to carry. Nah, I just think we're also entitled to our choices. I agree with that. And I love that you made that point in distinction to say that, yeah, I'm still responsible for my reproductive health and as are you and a part of our openness is also protecting each other, not just from outside families, but outside illnesses. So that would be if we were to start being sexually active, I'm sure a conversation that we'd have really heavily to ensure that we're not being jeopardizing each other in any way. What I really wanted to emphasize with this, because I think that was just kind of like a fun aside. At the end of the day, it's not- It hasn't happened, it's not a real life moment. It's not a pressing thing for our relationship. But what it did exemplify for me is where I am at now in my love for you. And when we had the conversation with Shay and she was talking about, I have unconditional love for you, but not an unconditional relationship for you. And I think at the time, I didn't quite understand it because I was like, what's the value of unconditional love if the relationship doesn't stay? Like what's the value? And you just telling me that you love me if I don't get to see you and be with you or communicate with you or benefit from you or vice versa at all. Like then is that what people mean when they say unconditional love? And I realized that I have a lot of relationships that maybe do fall under the unconditional love, but they're conditional relationships. And when I say a lot, I mean like mostly family relationships. I think that actually caused a lot of confusion for me growing up where I would feel like that person loved me, but they weren't willing to work to maintain the relationship in a way that I needed. Or I wasn't willing to. Like someone grew or a change was happening or something would be uncomfortable and that person would be like, well, the conditions of the way that I wanted to connect with you are like this. And I'm not saying that they're necessarily damaging things. You know, it wasn't like, I got pregnant by somebody else, pick me or not. You know, it was with my mom where, hey, now I started to be more sexual and you weren't comfortable with my choices. And so maybe you loved me the same, but our relationship was strange. It was different. And you didn't want to interact with me on that level. You didn't want to acknowledge my career and my interest level because that's not the way that you envisioned relating to me. So our relationship changed, but the love was still there. Love is never there. And I think that's awesome. Like to be able to separate it, I didn't separate them. And so I was just like, is it the same unconditional love as what we were speaking about? But then you'd be separated and like, you know, I have unconditional love for you, but I don't have unconditional relationship with you. So I will sever the relationship, although I still love you from a distance. Yes. Which is like, I guess not how I looked at unconditional love. Most people did look at it like, yeah, I can still love you and not be with you and not have contact with you. But then love can still exist. And I have that with my grandma, right? I don't have a relationship, but I do believe that we'll have that conversation afterwards. You know, like, yeah, like grandma still loves you. You guys may not communicate or have that bond anymore, but like that love is still there. Yeah. That makes sense to me and family, with the daughter, with the grandma, with the mom, but in a relationship, a romantic sexual relationship, if we break off the relationship, is that love still there? Is it still burning? I haven't experienced that with anybody. Yeah. For a family relationship, I think the unconditional love still would inspire you to want to revisit the relationship. But in romantic relationships, you get to a point where it's like, there's no chance of us ever relating or being in a connection again. I would love for you to share your perspective on unconditional love. Do you think that it's possible for us to have that? Do you think it's possible to give that? Do you aspire to that? So I think it's possible. And I think that it's definitely possible. There's a lot of people in unconditional relationships or unconditional love relationships. And I think that in our dynamic, there is a piece of it. And I think the reason why there's a piece of it is because we have a child. And so even if we sever ties, right, and we're not together, there is a duty that I would feel to be there and support and to love you so that you can be the best mom that there can be. We might not be romantically involved anymore, but I do see that existing. I will always have love for you and I would always want the best for you and I'll always care for you. And so I do believe it's there. I guess I'm just more comfortable. I'm not uncomfortable saying it's conditional. And the reason why I'm not uncomfortable with that is because I'm like, look, if we sever ties, that unconditional love is actually being rooted off of Ryu. It's not being rooted off directly to you. And so if we didn't have Ryu and we split up, I don't think that I would have unconditional love. I don't think that I would expect you to give me unconditional love. And I don't think I would expect you to be there for me and support me in the way that you were in our relationship. It's not gonna be the same. It's just wouldn't be. I don't expect it to be the same. And I think that it's okay for that to be there. I don't think it's a bad thing and I don't think it's a testament on a lack of love. The thing that I kind of realized through these conversations and through watching back old clips of myself is for a long time, conditional love was necessary for my survival and leading with conditions, right? Like being very clear of, hey, if I'm going to love you, here's how you have to behave. Because I've been around so many people who had crossed boundaries and crossed lines, you have to lead with that. And so I almost feel like over the years I've watched myself become less guarded. And it's not the matter of the fact that like, even when we did that video with Jade and Devon, I was like, conditions are healthy. So at the end of the day, if you hit my mom with a crowbar, we're not together anymore. I'm like, in what world is Jared hitting your mom with a crowbar? You know, right? So I mean like, but there was a part of me that still had to love with fear and love with threats, you know? We did that second video on our open relationship and I said to you in that video, if I ever found out you're with somebody else and I told you that you could have those experiences and you still went behind my back and lie, it would be done between us. And then I backtracked and was like, I don't really mean that because I also acknowledge that there's years of conditioning that would make you feel uncomfortable with sharing even in the face of openness that would probably lead you to do that because I genuinely believe with everything inside of me that you would never do anything to intentionally harm me. No, and I wouldn't. I think it's okay to believe in unconditional love and I think it's okay to believe in conditional love. And I only say that because we're in a healthy relationship and I think either of us are on two different sides of it. I thought your tree analogy was really, really dope and very poignant about saying like, if the tree is dying, is it dying because it's dead or is it dying because you're not giving it nutrients? And I think that's a perfect analogy of unconditional love. At a certain point, you're going to have to be like, I need a new tree. At a certain point, it's no matter what soil, no matter what water you put on there and no matter what nutrients you're giving it, the tree is dead, you know? And it's just trusting that you can recognize that. And I think where most, where I leaned is kind of from a fear base, kind of like what you're saying is that like, I know that some people can get into some bad situations leading with unconditional love, not understanding when the line is being drawn. And I think it's not an issue with us. I obviously like, we've built up time. We've built up time to where I can make a few mistakes and you're being like, it's okay. I still love you. But if I showed up every day making the same mistake, you're going to be like, this tree's dead. Right. You know, it's time to kick rocks. But I guess that's kind of the point of like, I don't feel the need to remind you anymore that I could take my love away because it's so unlikely in my eyes that all of a sudden you're going to transform into this completely different person I don't recognize that I feel is unsalvageable. Totally. So that's where it becomes like, I think that so much from the past, it was leading me in a good way. Cause it don't give me a lot. Like I like love every version. I've loved every version of myself since I turned 30. You know, like I've been proud of who I've been at every stage and every part of who I've been has been necessary for that time. Like I had this dialogue with somebody cause they said to me like, oh, you're always evolving. You said you didn't want to have kids. Now you do. I was like, I want to clarify. I do not look at me not wanting to have kids as a primitive version of myself. And me now as a mom is the more evolved version. But I didn't want to have kids. I was the most evolved version of myself then. I was, I loved that version of myself who didn't want to have kids because that prevented me from getting into a relationship that I don't feel I could be the best mom in. So every part of me has been necessary. So when I told you, like, if you do this, it's over. That part of me was necessary and was protecting me and was allowing me to love you to the best of my ability at that time and allowing me to get to know you. Cause that was a big part of it too. Like I can't provide a type of unconditional, unguarded, free, easy love when I don't know if you're going to abuse that. So every part of me and every boundary that I've drawn at each conjuncture of people watching these videos, I feel like has been the truest form of myself. But when I think about it today, I'm like, it is so unnecessary for me to try to scare Jared into loving me better or loving me the right way. When I say love is conditional, does that feel like a scare tactic? Yeah, but not in a bad way. Yeah, cause it's interesting because I say that knowing that the conditions are not going to be crossed. Right? Like I don't say that, I don't say that almost similar to the way you say unconditional love. Like you're like, yeah, I have unconditional love for you. And so I know that, you know, you're not going to abuse that. So that's why I have it for you. And I'm like, yeah. And I don't feel, I feel the same about conditions. Like I have conditional love for you, but I don't feel like you're ever going to cross those conditions. So in turn, I know that we're going to be in relationship for a long time. And I have no fear that, you know, you're going to be the one that's walking all over the conditions. Like you said, I can't go to here. So I'm going right here. Like I don't have that fear. And so yeah, it's just interesting. I think at the root of it, it's just off of self, right? It's yourself and your reference point. I know and I understand that we love each other very deeply. And so I definitely don't want you to feel that because I say I have conditional love, that it's a result of like less love or a lack of love or like waiting for you to like do something wrong for me to pull my love away. I don't have that instinct in me at all. So I guess it can be quoted as unconditional. Yeah. You know? I think like I'm getting misty in a positive way. I'm not getting misty because you're saying something wrong. I'm getting misty because I don't need you to love me the way that I love you. And because the way that you love me and I just, I honestly feel like too, like, you know, since having Ryu, like the capacity at which you've shown me you're able to love me has just been like more than anything I could have ever dreamed of and that like space and that freedom and like everything that you have provided me with. So I think that that's a big part of me too of being like, I don't need, they're there, they're there. So like don't get me wrong. I don't believe in unconditional love because things change. Like I have an analogy that I want to give that I think is like pretty much something how I feel about you and how I aspire to continue feeling about you for a long time. But because you've just given me so much and I've just gained so much from you. So in return, in a world where there's so many things that are uncertain and it's shaky and we just don't know what's gonna happen day to day, I do wanna offer you this like gift of knowing that Jared is so unlikely that I will take myself away from you. You know what I mean? Like that's what I want to provide you with that like what you have given me is so beautiful and what I wanna give you is just it's confidence. And I know you already had that. So that's the thing too, we talk about that with labels. A true label I think works the best when you say the label, it's like already knew that. Because we have been feeling it and being it and living it that the label just becomes the fastest way to describe something really complex. I love your quote from a while back. It's not about what you say, it's about what you want the other person to hear. And so I think through this entire conversation and even with the conversation with JD, I think it's like, okay, I think what I am describing is unconditional love. And the way that I interpreted unconditional love was wrong or not necessarily wrong, but different than the way I think a lot of people do. And so yeah, I feel the same. I don't even have a fear that we're gonna end someday or that I'm gonna be pulling my love away or you're gonna be pulling your love away. And I think that is a result of us just living and growing and evolving together. I think, you know, we never even spoke about unconditional love until we were on that podcast. We never even talked about it. And so yeah, it's just, it's an evolutionary learning curve for me. What I wanted to say to you is I don't share unconditional love with you or I don't know if that's possible. I think if you believe in God or a God, God can offer that, but we are flawed and imperfect for humans. So that feels like a tall, like, do you know what I mean? It feels aspirational, but I wanted to tell you that I can offer you gravity love. Meaning, you don't ever wake up and wonder if gravity's gonna come through for you. You don't even imagine a time when there's not going to be gravity. But there are conditions in which gravity is not present. And it is possible, but it's such a like... Rare thing. It's such a rare thing and you don't, you don't have to exist without fear. That to be said, I'm looking at, when is there no gravity? And then it's like, technically there never is no gravity. Even when you're weightless and you're floating, like there's still gravity there, just not, it being experienced when you think so. Oh, okay. I'm scared. It's always there. I guess it's unconditional. And just how much it is. Just how much it is. But yeah. And that's really it. I brought you on here. I set up the cameras to tell you that. Well, I love you too. Thank you. I love you. So now for your reflection piece. I think this was a really great exercise and I would love to see in the comment section below your thoughts on unconditional love. Do you subscribe to the concept? Do you subscribe to the word? If so, why? If not, what words do you find more useful? And then what season are you in right now? Like what is the, what is your healthiest maximum concept of love right now? Does that make sense? Yeah, it makes for every sense. For where you're at right now, for what you've experienced, for who you are, for who you're with, what is the level of love that you currently aspire to or that you think is the best, most reasonable for you? I confused the question. So good luck. No, I get it. I understand what you're saying. I hope you do.