 Now, Anacin, the tablets thousands of physicians and dentists recommend for fast relief of pain of headache, neuritis, neuralgia, and heat. The liniment that's strong yet does not burn. Present Armist Brooks, starring Eve Arden. It's time once again for another comedy episode of Armist Brooks transcribed. But first, if you suffer from the pains of a headache, we urge you to try the remarkable product this program features, Anacin. Anacin is like a doctor's prescription. That is, Anacin contains not just one, but a combination of medically proven active ingredients. The relief these tablets bring is not only effective, but often incredibly fast. Many of you, I know, first discovered Anacin through your own dentist or physician. But if you have not yet used Anacin, we urge you to try these tablets the next time you are in pain from a headache, neuritis, or neuralgia. You'll be delighted with the results. Try Anacin on this guarantee. If the first few tablets do not give you all the relief you want, as fast as you want it, return the unused portion and your money will be refunded. You can get Anacin at any drug counter. It's A-N-A-C-I-N. Easy-to-take Anacin tablets come in handy boxes of 12 and 30 and economical family size bottles of 50 and 100. Well, the majority of our public schools start their fall semesters tomorrow. But Armist Brooks, who teaches English at Madison High School, decided to go back last Friday. At breakfast, her landlady asked the reason. Why are you going down to school this morning, Connie? Oh, I don't know, Mrs. Davis. There are several reasons, I guess. I like to get my desk in order and see that the blackboards are all clean and ready. Besides, I won't be the only teacher at school this morning. A certain biology laboratory has to be put in shape for the coming term, too. I see. And there's a certain biology teacher going to do the putting in shape. That's right. A certain male biology teacher. Mm-hmm. A certain male biology teacher named Philip Boyton. Whee! I might have known. You get a different look when you just start thinking of him. A sort of golden light blood your eyes at the mention of his name. It's like somebody stuck a fork into two poached eggs. What a pretty thought, Mrs. Davis. But I am fond of the bashful brute. Pass the cream, please. Here you are, dear. Thanks. Oh, may I have the sugar, please? Here it is. If only he'd come out of his shell. He's so retiring. He doesn't seem to realize how handsome and charming he is. Now, now, please, Connie, stop thinking about Mr. Boyton. It's preventing you from eating a proper breakfast. What? What makes you say that? You've just drunk a cup of sugar and cream without coffee. Well, no wonder it tasted so sweet and white. There's something else that's been on my mind lately. I ran into some teachers the other day, and there's a rumor that some changes are going to be made in our faculty. Oh, nonsense, Connie. These silly rumors start flying around before every new term. Why, down at the ladies league luncheon the other day, I even heard that Mr. Conklin might be leaving Madison. What? But without Mr. Conklin as our principal, Madison wouldn't be... Well, it just wouldn't be a high school anymore. What would it be? A paradise. I mean, who told you about his leaving? Nobody told me. It was just mentioned in passing, along with a lot of other scuttle, if you'll excuse the expression, but... What a charming colloque, if you'll excuse the expression, creolism. I guess I'll find out more about the situation at school today. Walter Denton's driving me down this morning. Oh, what's wrong with your car? I had a little trouble with the drive shaft yesterday. What happened to it? It fell down an open manhole. It was nice of you to pick me up this morning, Walter. It is a labor of love, oh fair one. Besides, I promised to help Harriet Conklin get things straightened out at school. Oh, is Harriet coming in today, too? Yes, ma'am. I'm picking her up on our way down. She always likes to help old Marblehead. I mean, her dad gets things ready before school officially opens. Yes, I know, but how come she isn't driving down with him? There are cars in the repair shop. The bottom of the motor's all ripped up. It seems some idiot left a drive shaft sticking out of an open manhole. Well, it takes all kinds of drivers to make a world, don't I? How's Miss Conklin been acting lately, Walter? Oh, awful. Even for him. Harriet told me yesterday he's been tense and irritable all week long. Well, that's par for the course, isn't it? What do you suppose he's worried about? He got me. All I know is that with the school term starting on Monday, he'll probably make our lives a... Walter. Inferno's the word I had in mind. Well, that's a little cooler. Now, here's the house, Miss Brooks. I'll go up on the porch and get Harriet, Miss Brooks. You wait right here. All right, Walter. Tell Harriet to her attempt. Hi, Walter. You timed it just right. Hi, Harriet. Hello, Mrs. Conklin. Good morning, Walter. It's very sweet of you to call for Harriet like this. It's a labor of love, Mrs. Conklin. Is old Marble... Is Mr. Conklin going with us? Well, I don't know if he's quite ready, Walter. Just a moment. I'll call him. Oh, I was good. Do you want to ride down to school? Who's driving? I am, Mr. Conklin. Me, sir. Me, Walter Denton. Me, Walk. Just as well. Daddy's been in a pretty bad mood lately. The walk will do him good. Okay, let's get started, Harriet. See you later, Mrs. Conklin. Bye, Mother. I'll be back as soon as I help Daddy get Mattis and organized. All right, dear. Have they gone? Yes, Osgood. Good. There's something I'd like to tell you about, my dear. Something I wouldn't want blabbed all over town. Oh, now, Osgood, that's no way to talk about your own daughter. Harriet never gossips. I was not referring to Harriet. I'm talking about her idiot consort. If there ever was a marble head, it's that boy. However, what I wanted you to know is that your husband, Osgood Conklin, principal, may soon be Osgood Conklin, assistant supervisor of schools in this area. No. Well, it's not definite, of course. As a matter of fact, I just read of my predecessor's transfer, but it shouldn't take the board long to pick out his successor. Do you really think you've got a chance, Osgood? Chance? What other principal has a better chance? The job requires tact, charm, diplomacy, and intelligence. Do you really think you've got a chance, Osgood? I mean, if you are selected, when will you find out about it? Probably within the next few days. That's why I'm going into school today to clean up my office top to bottom. Never know when the head of the board might drop in. Oh, but that suit you've got on, it's practically in tatters. Well, what do you expect me to wear around dirty desks and dusty files, my frock coat? If you'll excuse me, my dear, I'll trot along to school. Well, don't walk too fast, dear. Remember what Dr. Frank said. While you're on your diet, you mustn't exercise too strenuously. Dr. Frank? It's Dr. Frank's fault that I've got to take off all this weight. What do you mean? Well, if he hadn't cleared up my ulcer three years ago, I'd never have gotten so stout. Well, well, food isn't everything. Oh, before you go, dear, I'd like to ask a favor. Lucy Snodgrass phoned a little while ago and told me your washing machine is broken. Naturally, I offered to put her laundry in with ours this afternoon. That should make our laundry very happy. What do you want me to do about it? Well, stretch, Snodgrass. Lucy's boy is coming down to school today to clean up the gym. He'll put the bundle in your office, and I'd like you to bring it home for me. A charming assignment. Well, I'm leaving, Martha. You may kiss me now. Thank you, dear. At ease. Well, here we are at school. Dear old Madison, oh, it's just heavenly to see your ivy-covered walls once again. Steady, girl, steady. You know, school isn't so bad when you just volunteer to come. I'd better get right into Daddy's office and start cleaning up. What's your hurry, kids? It's a beautiful day. Why don't we sit out here in the sun together and chat for a while? If you say so, Miss Brooks. Good morning, folks. Mr. Boynton. So long, kids. Come on. You can give me a hand with the closets. You okay, my sweet? How do you understand, teachers? Goodbye, Walter. Miss Brooks, are you all ready to plunge into another school semester? All I've got to do is hold my nose and jump in. How about you, Mr. Boynton? Oh, I'm looking forward to it. But I have heard some rather disturbing rumors lately. Rumors? Yes. I heard that there's going to be some kind of a shake-up in the faculty this term. I hope it doesn't affect any of the teachers I know. Like whom, Mr. Boynton? Well, like Mr. DeWitter, Mr. Norman or Miss Enright. Oh. Of course I didn't mention the one person whose dismissal would affect me the most. And whose is that? Mine. I couldn't afford to stay out of work for any length of time. It would work a considerable hardship on my family. They'd have to send me even more money than they do now. My goodness. To hear you talk, anyone would think you were some kind of helpless moron instead of a brilliant, handsome, personable, capable scientist. Who, me? Yes, you. That's the way you should consider yourself always. What do you suppose would happen if you lost your job here at Madison? Do you think you'd have to pack your clothes in a bindle and become a hobo? Do you think you'd have to shuffle through life like this poor tramp coming toward us? Well, no, but... I should say you wouldn't. Why, you... Oh, excuse me, Mr. Boynton. I just got to give this poor old bum a few cents. Here you are, my good man. Get yourself a bowl of hot soup. No thanks. I just had breakfast. Mr. Conklin. Oh, please forgive me, sir. I didn't recognize you in that old suit. I am wearing it because I have a lot of cleaning up to do today. Of course, sir. Miss Brooks didn't mean to do it. No, she never does. Now, if you'll excuse me. Oh, here you are, Daddy. I found you. Now, if you'll excuse me. Oh, here you are, Daddy. I found this bundle of laundry in your office. Know anything about it? Yes, yes, Harriet. It belongs to Mrs. Snodgrass. I'm taking it home to your mother this afternoon. Now, for heaven's sake, let's get into school and clean out my desk. Yes, Daddy. See you later, folks. All right, Harriet. Did you hear that, Mr. Boynton? He's going in to clean out his desk. And those old clothes he was wearing. And taking laundry home to his wife. He must be the one who's been canned. A dismissed. Seems to add up all right. Poor Mr. Conklin. How could the board do such a thing? All these years as a principal and suddenly, you know, Mr. Conklin has irritated me on occasion, but if he's actually out of a job, well, it's hard to hate a man when he's down. This may not sound like me, Mr. Boynton, but I'm going to do everything in my power to show Mr. Conklin I'm behind him. What are you going to do, Ms. Brooks? I'm going right in and help him clean out that office. Friends, when you suffer torturous pain from rheumatism, muscle strain, or backache, you want relief fast. That's the time to reach for heat, H-E-E-T. Heat, the liniment that's strong yet does not burn. The moment you apply it, you can feel heat soothing warmth working to relieve your painful miseries. That's because heat penetrates deep, brings immediate relief to sore, aching muscles. Wherever you ache, just brush on heat. Heat penetrates deep, keeps working for hours to bring wonderful soothing comfort to the painful aching area. Your pain seems to disappear. Heat isn't oily, sticky, or messy. You just brush on heat with a handy applicator that comes with each bottle and it dries in seconds. So remember, when pain of rheumatism, muscle strain, or backache makes you miserable, heat's penetrating warmth gives you fast, long-lasting relief. Get heat, H-E-E-T. Heat, the liniment that penetrates deep to bring immediate relief. Well, Miss Brooks was practically convinced last Friday that Mr. Conklin had lost his job as principal of Madison High. But knowing what a proud man he is, she refrained from mentioning it and spent the morning getting her classroom in order for the fall semester. About noon, she and Mr. Boynton But tell me, Mr. Boynton, have you confirmed our suspicions about Mr. Conklin's dismissal? No, I haven't. I've been pretty busy getting the lab in shape. We could be wrong, you know. Well, here's Marty's. Say, isn't that Stretch Snotgrass behind the Soda Fountain? Yes, it is. Well, since when has Madison's star athlete become a soda jerk? Why not? He's a natural for the job. Let's go in. Hello, Stretch. Good word. That's a pretty good word. How come you're working here, Stretch? I thought you came down to school to straighten out the gym. Oh, I'd done that already. Stretch, I did that. Well, no wonder it looks so neat when I got there. I'm just minding this place till Marty gets back. Where's Marty? He's out to lunch. But I'll take your order, folks. He's out to lunch. What's wrong with the food he serves here? Please, not while I'm ordering. Oh, the food here's all right, but Marty likes to change once in a while. He's over at Chasonini's. It's an Italian restaurant. You know, a pizzeriz-erizia. A pizzeriz-erizia? Yes, ma'am. They fix veal a certain way he likes it. Scalapini? No, they only charge 40 cents a plate. We got a veal cutlet blue plate here today. It looks good. It comes with mashed potatoes and lime of beans and includes dessert and coffee. Oh, how much does that cost, Stretch? Six bits. You think you'd like that, Miss Brooks? Sounds fine, Stretch. Okay. How about you, Mr. Boynton, you want some? How much is six bits? Oh, let's live dangerously, Mr. Boynton. Order it first and find out how much six bits is later. Oh, I'll tell you now. Six bits is just three two-bitzers. Three two-bitzers? Or one two-bitzer and one four-bitzer. Right, Stretch? That's right. It adds up to 75 cents. I see. Um, how much is the pork chop blue plate? Well, that's 65. I'll take that. I'll bring them both in two shakes of a lamb. Good. Uh, about Mr. Confin, if he hasn't lost his job here, I'd feel kind of foolish about it. Oh, quiet. Quiet, Mr. Boynton. He just came in. Oh, hello there. Getting a bite of blood? Yes, sir. Why don't you join us, Mr. Confin? Sit right down here. Oh, Stretch. Come on right up, folks. Here's your lunch. Oh, hi, Mr. Confin. I'm pinch-hitting for Marty today. What can I get you? I'll have some cottage cheese. About 15 cents worth. A glass of buttermilk. The 5-cent glass. Gosh, is that all you're going to eat? In my present condition, that is all I can afford to eat. I'll get it for you right away, Mr. Confin. Say, did you hear that, Miss Brooks? Yes, but it's hard to believe. After all, he's... Well, don't wait for me, folks. Dig right in and eat your meat and potatoes. Vegetables. Well, they're nice and hot and delicious. I knew it. He's hungry. Move over. He'll bite you in a minute. Hi, everybody. Feeding your assorted faces. Oh, hello, Mr. Cocklin. Walter Denton. There's room at this table, Walter. Okay, I'll just help myself to some chow off this steam table. I'll be right over. Hey, Stretch, what's underneath this gooey-looking black barbecue sauce? I don't know, Walter. I'll take it. If Denton is coming to this table, I'll sit at the farthest possible end of it. But, Mr. Confin... Please, please, I've little enough to eat. I might as well try to enjoy it. Well, here we are. Guess what's under this sauce? A bowl of noodle soup. Sparibs. Sparibs. Oh, boy, what a dish. Hey, mind if I join you, folks? I'm gonna eat my lunch now, too. Oh, not at all, Stretch. Sit right down here. Well, thanks. First, I'll bring Mr. Confin his cheese and buttermilk. There. Thank you. Now I'll park me and my hot dogs and sauerkraut and baked beans right over here. No. Mr. Boyman, we've got to do something about Mr. Confin. He sounds like he's famished. Well, maybe we could share some of our lunch with him. Of course. Oh, Mr. Confin, I've got a tremendous veal cutlet here. Wouldn't you like a piece of it? No, thank you. How about a nice pork chop, Mr. Confin? Can't touch them. Walter, ask Mr. Confin to have some of your sparibs. I'm sure he likes those. So do I. I can't explain now, but your girlfriend's father's in a very bad way. He can't even afford a square meal. What? Oh, gosh, I didn't know it was that bad. Well, I couldn't stand by and let a dog starve. How about a nice sparib, Prince? I mean, Mr. Confin... Mr. Confin, want some of my sparibs, sir? No, thank you. Oh, we just believe in share and share alike, sir. Especially with our principal. You are our principal, aren't you? Well, I... Oh, Daddy, can you come over to your office right away? Mr. Stone is on the phone. I'll be right there, Harriet. Tell him to hold on one moment. Right, Daddy. This is the call I've been expecting. Au revoir, my friends. You mean you're leaving, Mr. Confin? I'll see you all before I go, I'm sure. Remember, everything happens for the best. Then it's true. He's being fired. Even Harriet didn't know about this. We've got to do something. If he's so broke that he can't even order a decent lunch, how's he going to feed his family? Why don't we do what my mother done? Send Laundrie over to Mrs. Conklin. She's got a washing machine and she could charge so much a bundle. We'll call on all our neighbors. I'm sure they'll be glad to help. And we'll help Mrs. Conklin and Harriet do the Laundrie. That's us, all for one and one for all. In union there is strength. Old friends are the best friends. Sick Semper soapy suds. Armist Brooks will return in a moment. Armist Brooks certainly does have her problems, but let's face it, we all do. They may not be as hilarious as hers, but we've got them. For instance, it's not possible for most of us to be at the scene of important happenings in world affairs. Maybe once or twice in a lifetime, Mr. and Mrs. average citizen will figure in a newsworthy experience. Beyond that, few of us participate in the world events that make the history books. This makes it impossible for the average man or woman to keep up with world affairs without help. The question of where to go for reliable help has been solved by CBS News. With eyewitness observers all around the globe, men who can fly without notice from their strategically central stations to wherever the news is happening, CBS News has complete coverage day and night throughout the week. You can come and go as you please, plan whatever plans you will, and always be sure that when you want to catch up with history, CBS News will catch you up on its earliest regularly scheduled news program. Solve your problem in keeping up with the news of the world by making CBS Radio Your Listening Post. Well, due to a series of circumstances, everyone is convinced that Mr. Conklin is about to be fired and is practically destitute. So in true musketeer spirit, they have rallied to his aid by securing all the laundry business in the neighborhood and bringing it to his house. Oh, it's awfully nice of you to help out like this, but I can't help wondering what mother will think when she gets back from her shopping trip. It'll be a nice surprise for her, Harriet. We've got enough business here to tide Mr. Conklin over for two weeks. Did you rig up the clothesline in the yard, Mr. Boyden? I did. I also put some up in the living room. We'll need every inch of space we can get. Stretch is still out getting more bundles. I had no idea Daddy was in such dire straits. Oh, but with friends like you, nobody could ever consider themselves poor. A friend in need is a friend indeed. Your problem is our problem. If I've said it once, I've said it twice. Semper soapy sides. Yeah, so you see, Osgoode, the social duties that go with the position of assistant supervisor are most important. Yes, well, that's why I brought you to my home, Mr. Stone. I want you to see for yourself what a charming background for entertaining Mrs. Conklin has furnished. Under my supervision, of course. Right up these steps, if you please. Let's see now. Where's that key? Are you realised that you'll be called upon to receive city officials as well as many of our most influential PTA members from time to time? Oh, of course, of course. Oh, here we are. After you. Oh, thank you. Now, if... What in the world is this? Sheets and towels hanging everywhere? Is this a laundry room? Laundry room? How could you... Ooh, see, it does look like laundry room. It looks like everybody's laundry. Well, I can't understand this. Let's go into my den and I... Mr. Stone? Mr. Stone? Where are you, Mr. Stone? I'm over here in the underwear department. Now, see here, Conklin, just what is the meaning of this? I don't know anything about it, Mr. Stone, but I assure you, sir, that I... Hi, Mr. Conklin. Business is great. Here's four more bundles. Snodgrass. With you now, I gotta get some more stuff down the block. Oh, before I go, I'd like to remind you about that bundle my mom sent over. Whatever you do, don't put no starch in my running pants. I gotta bend my legs getting over those hurdles, you know. Wait right here, Mr. Stone. I'll get to the bottom of this at once. What the devil's going on here? Oh, shucks. We wanted to surprise you, sir. Surprise me? Are you coming off, Boynan? Yes, sir. Now speak somebody and speak quickly. Well, we... Shut up! Ms. Brooks, what are you people doing here? Trying to help make both ends meet, Mr. Conklin. What both ends? Your both ends. I mean, I mean, sir... When we found out that you were fired, sir... I'm up for the most important job of my career, and the president of the Board of Education is standing in my living room right now with his neck in underwear. I'm gonna raise enough money so you could feed your family. Shut up! Ms. Brooks, while I'm composing myself, I want you to go into that living room and tell Mr. Stone you're completely to blame for this outrage. Me? But how can I... I don't care how. Just do it. Because if I don't get this promotion, you'll never get me out of your hair. Now, mom! Yes, sir. Mr. Stone. Yoo-hoo. Mr. Stone. What is that? Oh, it's me, sir. Ms. Brooks. Where are you? I can't seem to see you. Oh, you'd have a better view, sir, if you'd just drop that little flap in front of you. I'll just walk around. You really must forgive the appearance of Mr. Conklin's living room, sir. Why must I? Because it's my fault. You see, my washing machine broke down and Mrs. Conklin was kind enough to let me rinse out my personal things in here. Do you expect me to believe that this laundry is all yours? That's what I hope you'll believe. But there are 24 bed sheets hanging here. I have twin beds. I see. And how do you explain the fact, Ms. Brooks, that there are men's pajamas hanging here? Pajamas? Well, uh, I bought them from my hope chest. Sixteen pairs? I got a lot of hope. Besides, I like to wear pajamas myself. But these are all different sizes. Well, sometimes I feel smaller than others. Right now, I could curl up in the cuffs. Look, Mr. Stone, there's no use in my trying to deceive a clever man like yourself. I'd better tell the truth. It's about time. You see, we thought Mr. Conklin was about to be camped, about to lose his position as principal at Madison. So in order to help out until he got another job, we started this little laundry business in his home. And who is we, Ms. Brooks? Another teacher and some of the students. You mean you felt such an intense loyalty for this man that you all rallied around in his time of need? He looked so hungry. Well, I trust Ms. Brooks has cleared this matter up. Your complete satisfaction, Mr. Stone. She certainly has, Osgoode. As a matter of fact, she's been invaluable in helping me to arrive at a decision about our new assistant supervisor. No, Osgoode, you're out. Any man who commands such respect and admiration from his colleagues is much too valuable, and he stays just where he is. But, Mr. Stone... Oh, that's my final word. Stay where you are, principal Conklin. Good day. Well, Ms. Brooks... I'm gonna wash that man right out of my... It was produced and directed by Larry Burns, written by Al Lewis with the music of Wilbur Hatch. Mr. Conklin was played by Gail Gordon. Others in tonight's cast were Jane Morgan, Dick Crenna, Bob Rockwell, Gloria McMillan, Leonard Smith, Paula Winslow, and Joseph Kearns. Be sure to be with us next week for another comedy episode of Our Ms. Brooks.