 Good evening, everyone. How are you guys doing? This is a very beautiful event we have here and enjoying myself. I hope you guys have been too. So I came up here with a number of fears in mind. The first fear is I thought that the lights were going to be on. So it's a lot different up here now than what I imagined. The other fear is that we're talking about marriage. And marriage, it's a very delicate subject sometimes, depending on how you're thinking about it. Because it involves a relationship between two centers. So one way I was thinking, man, I hope that I'm speaking to the men today and I hope my wife doesn't think I'm up here bluffing The other thing is I want all of you to love each other as couples. And I know that sometimes in situations like this, you can have one side of the couple think of the other side and think, man, I can't wait till they hear this. So I want to encourage you all to think in humility with one another, to love one another. It's great that we're all here together and able to speak of these things. I'm really excited to talk about these things. And this is a very high calling and it's a very beautiful institution that we have in marriage. So let's begin with a word of prayer together. Father in heaven, Lord, it is always a privilege to speak about your word and to speak about what it means to obey it. To consider, as Christians, as your children, Father, how we're to live with one another and what a great thing to talk about marriage, this wonderful institution that you have created. You have put together male and female and you have made it so that the man, he leaves his family and he leaves to his wife and they become one flesh. And it is a picture of the union that Christ has with this church. And Lord, we are very thankful that we get to participate in glorifying the Lord Jesus Christ in the way that we relate to one another. So Lord, please help me as I speak tonight. Please help my brothers and my sisters as they hear this teaching. And I pray that we would all be the better for it, that we would all be, that you would use this as a means of grace to us, that it would be a means for our sanctification and that we would be encouraged to obey you with great joy and delight, loving one another. In Jesus' name we pray, amen. So just as it is for a wife to respect her husband, the calling that a husband has to love his wife is a very high calling. And it's one of the highest callings that you can have on this earth. And I know that sometimes when you think about a calling like this, when you really think about what marriage is meant to point to, what it's meant to represent, it can be a very daunting task in front of your face to think about that. But what I want to do is I want you to see tonight the beauty, the beauty of that task, the beauty of what it means, especially you brothers because that's the subject right now as you brothers. I want you to see the beauty of your role as a husband in your marriage. And I want you to be encouraged. I want you to, you see the difficulty, but I want you to see past the difficulty and I want you to be able to see the joy and I want to woo you to obedience by the joy that it is to be married to a wife, especially, especially in a Christian marriage. It's a beautiful thing. So this is one, I want you to know that this is achievable to obey the Lord in your marriage. It is an achievable thing to the Christian. You have the spirit of God working inside of you. He has given you clear commands in the scripture. Christ has bought you with his own blood. So God is not giving you a command when he talks about loving your wife. He's not giving you a command that he doesn't wish for you to follow. This is something that is achievable. Maybe you may not be perfect in it, but it's achievable as a practice, as a pattern in your life. And you can have great joy in obeying him in that. So my theme tonight to talk through is godly, proactive, sacrificial love. Godly, proactive, sacrificial love. And I know that doesn't really flow very well. It doesn't rhyme. But I tried to choose those words carefully. Our marriages are godly, or to be godly, because our marriages point to Christ's union with his church. And their sacrificial, the love of our marriages is sacrificial because Christ gave himself up for his bride. He is the sacrifice for the church. And it is proactive love. And why is it proactive? It's proactive because he did it willingly and without prodding. He gave himself up for his bride, the church. And we husbands are to give ourselves up for our wives. So how are we going to go about this today? First, what I'm going to do is I'm going to do a really quick walk-through of Ephesians chapter 5 verses 22 to 33. And then next, we're going to pause and we're going to think through some applications of what it would look like for a husband to love his wife. And lastly, we're going to imagine what a day of loving your wife would look like. We're going to take a day. We're going to think about that day. We're going to go from morning to night. And we're going to have a case study, if you will, on what it would look like to love your wife during the day. So let's start. If you have your Bibles with you, I'm going to be coming out of the same scripture that Pastor Dale was in, Ephesians chapter 5, starting in verse 22. And it says this, 22 to 24 says this, and we'll walk through this not too slow, not too fast. It says, wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife. Even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and it's himself its savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit and everything to their husbands. So this portion here is speaking primarily to the wives, but there's some things that we can draw out of these first few verses for the husbands, right? One, the submission of the wife in the Greek that that word submit is in the middle voice. It's meant to reflect that it's a voluntary submission that the wife has. So her submission isn't something that we're to force out of her. It's not that the husband is to take the rule in his marriage. He is to woo his wife to a voluntary submission. It's a voluntary submission. Now she is commanded to submit and when she doesn't submit, it is sin, but it is not the job of the husband to make his wife submit. There's no ruling in the marriage with an iron fist, if you will. Next, we see that the husband is the head of his wife. And this implies, I think Pastor Dale hit on this a little bit too, this implies a hierarchy in the marriage. She is, the wife is to recognize the husband as the head and she is to do that in obedience to God. You have a clear hierarchy there, don't you? We have, you have the wife, you have the husband as her head and then you have Christ as both of their head. And there's even a model to how that headship is to be done. It's that submission is to be done the same way that the church submits to Christ. So how should the husband think about that when thinking about his position as the head? Well, one, he is to be a leader in his home. He is responsible for what happens in his home. He is a steward of his home. God has given him his home, his marriage as a responsibility for him to have. Also two, the husband doesn't rule however way he wants to rule. The husband is also in submission to an authority and that's the Lord Jesus Christ. So basically your middle management, if you're a husband, you can't say to your wife anything that the Lord would not want you to say. Your middle management, but it's not a bad thing to be middle management as it is in the world it seems. So that's a very sobering model, right? Very sobering thing to think of your position there right in the middle. She has a responsibility to submit to you, but when you really think about it, whose responsibility is greater? You know, who's doing the, who's going to, we're going to see this a little later in the text, but who's going to be doing the presenting before God? This is a very sobering role that the husband has and we haven't even gotten to the commands for the husband yet. Right? So let's get into that. Starting in verse 25. It says husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Now think of that. Loving your wife as Christ loves the church. That's a wealth of application, isn't it? Isn't Christ's love for the church infinite? And what way did he not love the church? His love is all, all encompassing for the church. And then how did he love the church? He gave himself up for her. He gave himself up sacrificing himself for the church. And he didn't just give himself up. Like it wasn't that Christ was reactive in giving himself up. Christ was proactive. Christ took initiative to give himself up for his bride, the church. It's not that we went to Christ and asked him. It's not that we were appealing to him. He did that conferring within the Trinity to perform this sacrifice. Christ gave himself up for the church. And that's sacrifice and that's initiative. That's being proactive. It's not reactive. So think about what that would mean. What that would mean for you husband. Just on the very surface level. It's again very sobering reality, isn't it? A very high calling. Because now you are to model the one who seems, for lack of a better word, unmodelable. You are to love your wife with the same love that Christ loved the church. And this goes for both your attitude and your action. So when Christ gave himself up for the church, that wasn't just a mere doing. And it wasn't just a mere attitude. So he was both fond of the church, caring for the church from the heart. And then following up that fondness, that caring within the heart with action. And that's to be the same, the same for us husbands. But let's look at verses 26, starting at verse 26. And we will see why. Like what was the purpose of Christ's love for the church? It says that he might sanctify her having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word. So that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing. That she might be holy and without blemish. So his purpose here is to sanctify the church, Christ. He made the church holy to himself. He set the church apart. And this sanctification we see here involves cleansing, doesn't it? And he cleansed the church by the word of his gospel. So how does that map to how a husband is to love his wife? What we see here starting in verse 28. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it. Just as Christ does the church because we are members of his body. So brethren, your wife, your wife is set apart for you. She is set apart for you and she is one flesh with you. Just as the church is set apart for Christ. And you're to love her as you love yourself. Just like we say, or as Christ said, love your neighbor as yourself, right? You're to love your wife as you love yourself. Her physical and her spiritual well-being, it's your concern. It's your responsibility, every bit of it. That wife of yours is set apart for you and she's yours. And God gave her to you. And looking in verse 31, starting in verse 31. Since therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound and I'm saying that it refers to Christ and the church. In short, this one flesh here, it points to our union with Christ as a church. Your marriage union is a picture of Christ's union with his people, with his church. You are modeling in your marriage a greater truth, a far greater truth than what it seems like on the surface. And Paul explains that this is your responsibility to see to it. If you notice here, this is still within the realm of command for the husband. He tells the wife to submit to the husband, but then he tells the husband that he is the head. He's to love his wife in this way and this is why. So he's giving the bulk of this data, this word, to the husband to understand and to follow. And in verse 33, just in case you forgot, Paul finishes us up. And he says, however, let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband. And so you brothers, you love your wife. And that respect, if you think about it, if you love your wife as is described on the page here, that'll cultivate respect, would it not? Yeah, that has a gravitas to it. It'll cause your wife to see a man worthy of respect in her eyes. Now she used to respect you regardless of your gravitas, but it will help her in that way. So let's think of some applications of love. Like let's break down love. Because when we say that a husband is to love his wife as Christ loves the church, you have to ask two questions. Where do I start and where do I stop? And I don't know if you can answer either of them. So we're going to start as best as we can. So first I want to go back again to the overall mindset of this love that you husbands ought to have for your wife. Your love for your wife ought to be proactive and sacrificial. Basically, you're to always be on duty. You come home, you're not off. You're not off. Work has just started. The best part of the day has started. The most important part of the day has started. Because at work you do have a responsibility from the Lord to do your work well. But your work doesn't model Christ's union with the church. Your marriage does. So you are on duty when you get home from work. And again, God gives this to you as your responsibility. This is your home. He's looking to you to make this happen. So this isn't a passive thing. This isn't something you can't say like Adam, the wife that you gave me. No, this is your responsibility. Your love is to be proactive and sacrificial. You are to be on duty. And when you think about loving your wife, again, like I said before, it's not only in the feels and it's not only in the action. But we men, many of us, I don't know if you're all prone the same way, many of us would tend toward the action part and we'll let the feels part figure itself out. But I want to encourage you, brothers, to develop and cultivate a fondness for your wife. You know, if God were to cut your heart open, it should bleed your wife's name. She should always be on your mind, always thinking about, man, I love that woman. I wonder how she's doing right now. Is she okay? How is she thinking? That's how you want to be thinking about your wife. Doesn't Christ think that way about the church? Does he not currently think about the church that way? Constantly interceding for her? Preparing a place for her? Will he not come back for her? We ought to be fond of our wives along with our proactive temperament towards them. So we're also to love our wives by loving Christ himself. So we ought to know God, man. We ought to know the things of God. We ought to know theology and we ought to know it well. We ought to be able to instruct our wives well and our children. We ought to obey God in all of the personal ways, every single one and the way we speak and what we do in private. We ought to be no hypocrisy in our homes. We're not to treat our wives one way at home and then treat them another way when we're in public with everyone else. There ought to be no hypocrisy. We ought to, and that starts with knowing your God, with loving Christ. We're all to love our wives despite their weaknesses. Richard Steele, me and Pastor Dale were reading the same folks during the week. Richard Steele has this wonderful quote. He says, Therefore her beauty be decayed, her portion spent, her weaknesses great, and her usefulness small, yet she is a peace of myself. Amen. And, you know, I say we deal with our wives' weaknesses, right? And we love them in spite of their weaknesses, at the same time knowing that we are very weak in many ways. We are but ordinary men. Learn to overlook the minor things with your wives, having love that covers a multitude of sins. Be gentle with your wife, not always wielding the sword. I don't know if many of you brothers played sports in high school or college. I played football, and I had a number of different types of football coaches. I had some that were really quiet, and I had some that were sort of in the middle, then I had some that yelled all the time. There were always, yeah, it was never a good enough tackle, you know. Even if you caught the pass, you know, it was with, it wasn't, you didn't have your fingers around the ball, right? You know, they're always yelling. And the coaches that yelled all the time, you know what that was like? Nothing. It was like background noise. They were always wielding the sword. No one ever listened to them. But it was the ones who were very judicious about what they said. The ones who said what needed to be said, when it needed to be said, those are the ones who were easier to listen to. We're not to always wield the sword at home with our wives. We're to be very wise with our words, understanding what kind of damage can happen with our words. The tongue is hard to tame. Think of the extent of our love to our wives. Christ gave the ultimate sacrifice. And for us, if we're to model that, we're to put our wives' needs above our own. And in many respects, even her wants above our own. Think of the duration of our love. It is till death do us part. We've made vows to our wives and we must keep them. Think of the freedom of our love. There ought to be no expectation of reward. We're to study the object of our love, our wives, more than thinking about what we can get back because of it. If you really love your wife, you're not thinking about, man, if I do this nice thing for her, I ought to get this in return. You'll be so concerned about loving her properly that that wouldn't enter your mind. We're to love them tenderly, tenderly in word, again caring for her needs, being fond in our disposition to them, thinking about even the small needs that she has, giving her the benefit of the doubt. Our words are to be words of love. Even when we have to reprove our wives, it's a mental instruction, right? Also, too, our wives do many, many good things and they ought to be complimented every time that we notice something. In words of encouragement to our wives, they can be jet fuel to our wives' growth. We should be telling our wives what we see in them and what we could see in them. Even when we're proving them, we should be able to tell them and, babe, you know, if, man, if you get this right, just think about how good that will be, how God honoring that would be. Think about what the Lord can do through you if you work on this. It can be jet fuel to our wives. We're to mold our wives into being Proverbs 31 women. A lot of the times when we think of Proverbs 31, we put the whole onus on the wife, right? You know, you think of Proverbs 31, like, that's something they're supposed to talk about in a woman's conference, you know? But when you read through Proverbs 31, you tell me, where does the money come from? How does she know where to sell and buy that stuff from? Who should she get in counseling direction from? I don't think a Proverbs 31 woman can do all of that stuff without her husband. In fact, her husband praises her in the end. In the beginning of Proverbs 31, it says that he trusts her. Right? Proverbs 31 is our wives' responsibility, but it's ours too. It's ours too. And so that trust that the husband has in his wife in Proverbs 31, that's a cultivated trust. That's a trust. And I want to encourage you brothers to work at building your wife into a Proverbs 31 woman. And think again, I mentioned the word stewardship before. Think about loving your wife, understanding that you are a steward. Like, God has given you your wife. Has given you your wife as a gift to you. And sometimes when we think about God's commands, we think of them wrongly. We think of them almost as a, like a, and nothing against hourly work. I think I've mentioned this analogy before in some other context. But we think of it almost like a burger flipper. You know, someone who just gets the task, okay, you get the instruction, okay, you just do it, you know, flip the burger, flip the burger, flip the burger, right? But it's not like that. God has given you a mandate. And he's shown you how the room is supposed to feel in your home. And he is telling you husband, use all of your creativity. Use all of your energy. Use everything that you have. You fashion your time. You fashion your efforts. You do whatever you can to make your home this way. He gives specific instructions, yes. But you are to look at your, your home, at your marriage as a steward. God has given you a responsibility. And you to look at it, you're a manager of that home. You're not an hourly worker. You're to be creative with that. You're to make, you're to glorify God with it. You're to make something of it. And it's an honorable responsibility too. So I don't say this to scare you. You know, it's like getting a promotion. My boss at work just the other week got a promotion. He's not my boss anymore. He's my boss's boss now. And I told him congratulations when I found out. And he was telling me about how, how, how nervous he is. But at the same time, how excited he is. He's excited for the responsibility that is being given to him. He's excited to take this organization and to make it into something better than what it is already. And that is how you're to think of your marriage. This is an honorable position that you have. When you got married, you got a promotion. So, so, so take that and be, and have, take joy in that. Take joy in that. So lastly here, I'm going to tell you a story. I'm going to tell you a story about a very, very bad day. So I have two characters in this story. I have a husband and a wife. Husband's name is Brother Man. And the wife's name is Sister Girl. And they have three children. Boo Boo, Bee Bop, and Lil Bit. Brother Man, he has a middle management position at a local warehouse. And on this particular day, he wakes up, he proceeds to have his devotion time. He goes to pray and to read the scriptures. But man, it's difficult today. It's really difficult. He can't seem to get his mind straight. The kids woke up a little early. But he loves Christ. He loves his word. And he cries out to the Lord for help here. And he cries out to the Lord for help. He powers through. He powers through this time of devotion. He asks the Lord to help him to be a good husband. He trusts in the Lord. He knows that apart from Christ, like we learned this last Sunday, he's just like any other man. But he needs, he needs, he needs help. Sister Girl, she woke up this morning too. But she woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Nothing, nothing too horrible. But she's a bit cranky this morning. And she made breakfast for Brother Man. And she did do a great job. The eggs were cold. The grits were hard. The coffee was stale. They ran out of milk. But he overlooks these things. He overlooks these things this morning. And he figures, if he'll address them, he may not address them. But if he'll address them, he'll do it later. These are minor things. He lets love cover a multitude of sins. The breakfast isn't a sin. But her crankiness is. So he gets into his car. He goes to work. He kisses Sister Girl and the kids goodbye. And he arrives at work at the warehouse. And it's a mess already. It's a stressful day already. And it's really hard when problems start this early. Someone was careless, and they let a hazardous material spill on the floor of the warehouse. And he just acquired some bad new hires. He needs to interview better. And he feels like he's about to blow a gasket. But he cries out to the Lord for help. He calls his wife at lunchtime. And her attitude is the same as when she woke up. She's still cranky. So now he's doubly grieved. Also at lunch, the other middle managers, they've begun complaining about their wives. But Brother Man, he's faithful to his wife. And he's been done wrong, too, by his wife. He has a legit issue this morning. He's been done wrong. But he won't speak ill of his wife, especially not behind her back, because he loves her. He's faithful to her. A very pretty woman, she walks into the cafeteria, too, at lunch. Everyone calls her Del. It's short for Delilah. Everyone knows her. Everyone. She flirts with everybody. And Brother Man, he's very aware of her. He's aware that she's pretty, too. And she usually doesn't come into the cafeteria because she's usually out and about, very loud and boisterous. But today she does come into the cafeteria. And so Brother Man, Brother Man, he's smart, though. Or rather wise, I should say. He leaves. He says, I'm not going to deal with this today. I'm going to be faithful to my wife with my lips and in my heart. He continues to cry out to the Lord and thanks him for the strength given to him so he gets back to work. So the second half of the work day, it went a little better. Brother Man has lighter tasks to perform so he had a little more time to think. His boss has been getting on him about his need to be more efficient. And he's actually been improving, too, at work. He even received an award at work recently. And when he brought that award home a few weeks back, he explained to his wife how that was both his and her award. He trusts her at home and he knows he needs her help. He recognizes that much of his success at work is not just what happens at work. It's the freedom he has from his wife at home. Also, while thinking, Brother Man was also thinking about how he could help his wife. That crankiness has been on his mind. It's not easy when she gets like this. And especially when you call her at lunchtime, it hasn't gotten any better. And this isn't her first time. He knows this time he's got to be creative. And he knows he has to love her. He knows he has to be sacrificial and proactive in his love toward her. So he decides, you know what? When I get off of work, I'm going to purchase some flowers and I'm going to write up a quick card on the way home. And just like that, it's time to go home. So he stops at Walgreens, gets some flowers, those cheap ones, you know? The ones with the dye in them. They're like, you know, redder than red. But it'll do today. And he gets a card for his wife. He likes the blank one so that he can write a nice note in there for, gets a little more extra room. So he sits in the car and he writes a little note to her. It takes just next to five minutes. And he arrives at home. He's got the flowers behind his back, presents them at the door, has the card with it. And she receives them, but he doesn't get the greatest reaction. He thought, you know, he thought maybe she might tear up or show them more appreciation, but it doesn't happen. But it's okay because he doesn't need the reward, right? He tells himself, I'm not looking for a reward, but it is getting a little tough. Now, sister girl, she's exhausted. Boo boo, bebop in a little bit. They were driving her up a wall. So home school, it seemed a little more like home recess today, or like an endless PE class. Sister girl, she immediately tells brother man about the whole day, even before he gets to sit down. Like he just gets to the door. She's telling them, he can't sit. Like, what's going on? But you know what? He's patient and he's tender with his wife. So he gently takes his wife, he puts his hand on her back. He says, come on, let's sit down and talk some more. But while she's talking, dinner's in the oven. And it's late now and the dinner's overcooked. And the food wasn't very good. The macaroni was soggy, the peas were mushed, and the chicken tasted like wood. It was like the boogie to the boogie without the boogie bang. He kindly thanks his wife from the heart. He's really thankful. He knows she tried her best. He knows it's a tough day. He plays with the kids. And while playing with the kids, he tells his wife, you know, he knows. She didn't get a chance to read her Bible today. And she didn't get a chance to pray. It's just rough. She's already cranky, you know? So he gives sister girl some time to go be in the Bible. And so he gives her devotion time while he plays with the kids. And then also too, after playing, he has a little devotion time with the kids while sister girl's still off having her devotion time. He speaks glowingly of his wife to his kids. He tells them how they need to obey her and love her. He has nothing but good things to say to his kids about his wife. He proceeds to help with the dishes now. He knows that he's on duty when he comes home. So there's not time to give up in a day. So while helping, he also notices that this, you know, he's got a honey-do list and it's getting longer than shorter. And he noticed that she fixed a cabinet hinge without him. And it looks like she must have picked up a new skill. So he commends his wife in front of the kids. They all loudly give three cheers from mommy. And after that, they put the kids to bed. He talks a little bit to sister girl now that the kids are in bed. He asks how she's doing. He's concerned. Maybe, maybe now he can see where he can help her, you know. Because being united to his wife is important to him. He doesn't want to let things go. So she opens up a bit. She talks. She doesn't open up too much, but she talks to him. And it's a helpful conversation. She does seem a bit thankful for him for asking. He even manages to crack a joke in there when he's trying to move. And that helps too. Bedtime arrives. And brother man, he's enamored as usual with his wife. But he notices her move just isn't all there yet. And she's very exhausted. And although he knows, he has the right to approach her intimately. And he knows that she knows the duties of husbands and wives to each other. Tonight, he holds off in love understanding that this might not be the best night, but maybe tomorrow. He's just being patient with loving her. He loves her in public. He loves her in the bedroom. He loves her in his heart. He's aware of her needs. And he's also aware of his needs, but he seeks her needs first. He goes to bed exhausted. It was a really bad day. But really, it was a really good day. It was a really, really good day. Nothing went to plan, but brother man was faithful. He went to sleep with thankfulness in his heart to the Lord. And little does brother man know that his marriage would grow and flourish over the years. As he puts together more days, bad and good, not always perfect, but he's growing. And so does his wife. His influence affects her. And he sacrificially and proactively loves his wife. I don't know about you brothers, but I want to be a lot like brother man. And the reason brother man is a good example is because brother man is a lot like Christ in this story, is he not? So let's be that way and love our wives and be tender to them. Let's love them proactively and sacrificially. Let's pray. Father in heaven, Lord, what a joy it is to be married. What a joy it is to be given a gift and a wife. And it's a good thing it says in your word when a man receives a wife. Lord, may we men look at our wives the way you would have us to. May we be fond of them and tender towards them. May we be excited, genuinely excited about the stewardship that we have in our marriage. Help us Lord. Lord, we know that we can do nothing apart from your spirit. These things, these commands that you give us are unattainable apart from a change of heart. But Lord, we entrust ourselves to you. We know what you have done in us. And we pray Lord that you strengthen us as the days and the months and the years go by to be faithful in our homes. Lord, may our church be filled with marriages that flourish, that glorify Christ, that paint a clear picture of the union that Christ has with this church. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.