 Okay, welcome this rubbish almost slackened from the marriage restoration project and We're fortunate today to have our guest Alisa de Lorenzo from one extraordinary marriage and it's really wonderful to have you here Yeah, and I can't wait to hear about your journey it you know one of the things that I Reading about your work with Tony is that you're working together as a couple and sharing your own story and also kind of how your personal story Really impacted your program that you've created and the work that you do with couples You know I resonate with that quite a bit because my wife if can I we kind of got into this ourselves First and then we began, you know, then I became a you know, a mogul therapist and working with couples so That was one thing that I felt like It's really just to be able to go through It on your own and then help couples as much different than just learning about something in school and Trying some technique and hoping it works. We really know you believe in what you're doing So I'm excited to hear about your process and and your six pillars specifically good So tell me tell us a little bit If you want to just kind of in a nutshell your personal story kind of how you got into working with couples sure well Tony and I have been married for 24 years and The first you know the first decade the first 10 11 years were just not Not great. We really struggled. We we struggled sexually. We struggled to emotionally connect We had our children in that period of time But we got caught in the trenches and we really found ourselves In 2008 just at a crossroads trying to figure out what what's next for us our kids were two and five and We were we were looking at the future and thinking we're either going to get divorced now We're going to wait until you know that two-year-old turned 18 Which would be you know at that point in time we were looking at 16 years or we're going to do something radical And at that point we said, you know what divorce is not an option either now or in the future So what are we going to do that's going to be radical? And it was at that point in time that we we made the decision to do a 60-day sex challenge To just you know, Tony suggested it. I immediately said no because I thought he was crazy We weren't having sex so how could we possibly do 60 days? and it was in that place where Literally the next day I was standing with a basket full of laundry in my garage and I just I heard the voice of God say Are you really not willing to try? Are you are you giving up on your marriage? This is not a crazy thing that he's asked you to do he just wants you to make him a priority and it was from That moment when I you know, Tony came home from work and I said yes that literally everything changed and Has been you know since that point in time in 2008 that we heard in 2008 we've been focused on Not just changing our marriage, but getting to a place where we could actually equip others to transform their marriage as well Well, this is an amazing story and amazing gift that you're offering to see That dramatic transformation that you had and then not just to take it for yourself, but to actually use that Wisdom that you that you learn from your experience to share with others and to make an impact in the world Yeah, it's been it's been quite a journey I mean we never we never anticipated that what started there in 2008 would be what one extraordinary marriage is today It was really one of those things where we did our sex challenge we completed 40 out of 60 Days and then we were invited to speak at a marriage conference and we shared that story and then people were saying well What's next? and There wasn't a what's next at that point and time We hadn't thought past what we'd already done and it was from there that in January of 2010 We we started the one extraordinary marriage show and we've been podcasting every week Since since 2010 beginning of 2010 Consistency you know, that's a hard to do to do that consistently It's one thing to do it consistently for so many years. That's amazing now. Were you coaching at the time? When you were speaking at that conference or that someone just found you or how did that work? It was actually it was the marriage conference for the church that we were attending at the time And our when we had started the challenge We had notified our marriage and family pastors and just said hey, we're doing this We let them know just as a form of accountability That we were taking this challenge on at our marriage and so as they were preparing for the conference the next year They're like we just want you to share your story just share it and The coaching didn't actually come about until 2013 You know as we'd started the podcast people would Send us emails and and ask for insights and well, how did you and tony navigate this or or how did you? You know break through not being able to initiate or how do I have these conversations? And I kept hearing all of these questions. And so then it really became What what's next right? What is the next you know evolution of what we're doing more than just Doing a podcast once a week. That's when I went got certified as a coach and started An incredible journey of being privileged to work with people and in this most intimate relationship That's great. And how did a couple simply find you through through the podcast? Is that how they initially get to you? A lot of people do find us through the podcast with so many shows Friends share shows they they see something on instagram. They listen to a show. That's the primary way And it also brings a level of comfort because they've heard my voice They've got some idea of my personality. And so by the time, you know, they go through the application process and we start coaching We literally hit the ground running in our very first session because they know me Actually better than I know them. And so if there's a level of trust That has been built up just by listening to the podcast. Yeah, that's important because you know, especially such a delicate issue There's there's often a lot of resistance, especially Well, usually one one spouse is a little bit more resistant than the other Sure I don't I don't know if you're are you working with both both couples or sometimes you're working with one one spouse I do both Partly because like you said, sometimes there's resistance from one spouse that isn't quite ready to jump in And sometimes I also find with my clients that somebody just identifies an area of themselves Or of the marriage that they want to work on and they know that they've just got to get focused on this themselves And they'll just start coaching and then sometimes down the road their spouse will join them, but not always Yeah, so it can work either either way But meaning the work that you do with the individual can can impact the whole overall relationship Because with one person changes it kind of shifts the energy 100% believe that But it's good because if they already are following you then they kind of bought into your process and It might be so much easier to work. That's wonderful That I could be pushing up against somebody is like Especially when a couple comes one one person's kind of always said there's a dragger and a draggy And one person's kind of pushing up against you the whole time It's like, I mean that's where you need to go in the work But it's definitely saves time when you have willing participants and committed I would agree and You know, it's amazing. It's amazing even just what happens when somebody takes action You know, like you said, there's the draggy and then the dragger But just that first step of Let's fill out the application of let's just have a get to know your phone call. Let's just see if this is going to work for us It's amazing how much transformation can happen with a couple just making the decision That they want to get help You know, that's really I think so much the initial barrier. Are we going to do something? Right, that's that's crucial because that's it's that commitment to your relationship to make it a priority to actually do something about it instead of just Well, should I should I not I'm not really fully into it. I'm not fully invested I'm not fully invested. You're not going to Not going to go anywhere. It's hard because especially When it comes to you know, I know when the way that we do when I work with couples I don't do your typical weekly sessions to do a two-day intensive and it requires a real investment into the Forget it besides, you know financially or time-wise, but just the idea that we're really committing to doing something and it's not just Kind of coming one time and seeing how it goes, you know, we really like have to commit and you know, it definitely makes better It makes it changes the whole energy and creates better easier couples to work with meaning more effective Results because you have people that really have made that decision to take action and to take their relationship seriously Well, and I'm sure you find that with that level of intentionality Comes tremendous transformation because if they're willing to commit to two days a two-day intensive Whether they have to arrange childcare or you know travel or whatever that is They want it to work They want they want the breakthrough and so you're already starting from that positive headspace. Yeah To be able to equip them to be transformed Exactly. And that's really what I think commitment is like We can teach them all the tools. You know, there's plenty of wonderful tools we can teach couples But if they're not committed, it's not going to do anything But once you have that commitment, that's like I would say it's always it's a calf the battle To get them in there. So Absolutely, let's go that you're kind of um, that people are being you know, kind of indoctrinated and and bought into the process and Really excited about doing the work with you that Yeah, so can you tell us a little bit about the the six pillars that you've developed? Yeah, so Back back in 2010 when you know when tony and I were starting everything we wrote our first book called strip down 13 keys to unlocking intimacy in your marriage and you know as we were exploring What had happened to us during our 60 day sex challenge We realized that even though the sexual intimacy had been the catalyst for The transformation in our marriage. It wasn't the only area of our marriage that was transformed We found that the conversations we were having were Ridiculously good You know, we were talking like we had talked back when we were recording one another And those conversations that had seemingly you know just disappeared for 10 years were back again We found that we were enjoying spending time together We were more physically into there were all of these things that started to happen And we realized that that this word intimacy You know had been so wrapped around sex and sexual intimacy And yet there are so many other ways within marriage to be close and connected to your spouse And that's really where we started talking about different forms of intimacy and you know over the last 10 years We've been in this perpetual state of refining. What are those pillars? What does this look like? What is important in a marriage? What are the areas that couples can really you know, if they know that these these strengths exist If they know that these foundational pieces exist then they can actually do something and be equipped to take action So the six pillars are you know, your emotional intimacy. So what are the conversations that you're having? What what's the body language? What's all of that happening on that emotional level? Then you have your physical intimacy. So that's all your touch All the different forms of touch and not necessarily the ones that lead to sexual intimacy because we actually separate that out You have your financial intimacy right couples, you know individuals often are taught not to talk about money or You know, you don't talk about money with people and you know, it's one of the things you're not supposed to ask people about and yet in marriage You got to pay the bills. You got to you know plan for your future all this kind of stuff So financial intimacy spiritual intimacy, you know There's a level of intimacy that comes as couples, you know Share their faith and discuss their face faith journeys and worship together and all of that Then you have your recreational intimacy, you know What are the things that you do together as a couple that don't necessarily involve your children or You know your house of faith or whatever that is like just just the two of you And then finally, we always wrap up with the sexual intimacy because that's the one everybody would expect to start with But it's looking at all of those from a really holistic point of view and saying You know, when we when we think of like ancient Greece and we think of you know, the part of that anything that had pillars, right? There was such a such an image of strength In the pillars and those old buildings and the roman coliseum and things like that like the strength in the pillars And so when couples can identify. Oh, maybe this pillar's got some cracks in it We're not as close or as connected Then we can come alongside with strategy around that and they don't feel like the whole marriage is falling apart It's just what pillar needs to be strengthened That's interesting because some couples often feel like they're They're really not coming in with a lot of hope often And to help them realize that maybe they do have some areas that are Strong and it just you need to strengthen if you know, here's a few of the few cracks here or there Yeah Though sometimes I guess, you know, I would say that they're they're connected and related. Do you find that that you have to I guess that you can work on all them simultaneously or one leads to the other or or maybe both Well, obviously the emotional intimacy is sort of that That one key foundational piece because the conversations that you have how you're expressing your emotions That's the one that that I often start with Because that you know, whether you're talking about money or faith or what we're going to do on a Friday night Or are we having like that comes out of the conversations that the two of you have and then it really becomes A matter of looking at you know, each couple is an individual and saying, you know what Where are those areas that you have strength? And how can we apply the skills that you have whether it's you know Skills that you have professionally or skills that the two of you have relationally In areas where you have strength in the areas where you you desire to improve Because what I've discovered over all of these years of coaching is that most people have the skills that they need They just don't know how to apply them to the marriage And it's a matter of You know creating those aha moments To say, okay. Well, if you do this, you know case in point, I'm working with a north adonist and his wife Here's the guy that spends all day making tiny little adjustments and kids teeth to Over time Create a long-term beautiful perfect smile When I was talking to him the other day, I said, you know All we're trying to do is the same thing your marriage make tiny little adjustments Over time just like you do in your office and you could see the light bulb go on That he doesn't have to you know in a broad brush change everything He doesn't have to cross the finish line tomorrow He just has to make incremental little changes and so being able to connect the dots for him and he's like, oh I can do this Because that's what I do on a daily basis. So you're making it doable as opposed to this this daunting task It's like a hammer. I'm ever going to accomplish this Correct. That's not an overnight success, but it's a more of a process that you have to just put in that effort Yeah, but you think that's emotional. Yeah emotional intimacy is definitely the basis for all of them because if you don't feel Emotionally connected and safe to be able to open up and share and to feel heard and Nothing else is gonna happen. I think that anywhere and it's interesting because a lot a lot of times people ask You know saying they have physical intimacy challenges and you know, I I'm not I mean, obviously it comes up. It's working with a couple But I'm not a specific, you know specifically working with as a sex therapist. That's my credentials But I always say that if you work on the emotional intimacy, if you can feel connected you can feel safe with each other Then, you know, unless there's some trauma there Which isn't another piece but you know, if that's really what's getting in the way Just not feeling connected not feeling close that Developing the emotional intimacy can help you lead to feeling more comfortable and bringing back intimacy in the other areas I 100% agree. I've often told folks It's very hard to be physically naked and 100% present If you don't have the emotional connection You if you don't feel That you can be vulnerable Yes, anyone can have sex but if it's truly intimacy It's going to have that emotional component to it And would you say that probably more so for when you find that more so for women than men? More so but it's been really interesting. Um To find out over the years just how many men actually struggle with that As well, you know, maybe because they were never taught to share their feelings or I'm working with a couple right now where he was He never had to apologize And they've experienced something in their marriage where the wife desperately needs to hear an apology And I was talking to them and I asked the husband. I said, have you ever like when you were a kid Did your parents make you apologize and he's like never we just didn't talk about things and then they would just blow over And so here's a 40 year old guy Who has to learn how to apologize and has to learn how to share those feelings? Because his wife is ready. She's like, please just apologize to me But until he can get into that place of emotional safety that it's going to be okay for him to share his feelings There we're Slowly peeling back the layers of that onion to be able to get him in a safe place to be able to do that Interesting and that's what she needs what she needs most from him is The heart the hardest thing for him to do because he's never learned how to do that Yeah You just never know Where you know, and it's the beauty of working with people is that everyone's got such a unique story And how can you yeah, and I'm sure you know this is therapist How can you come alongside and equip them to have that breakthrough? And so you see those things and you're like, oh, well, we just have to work on learning how to apologize Who knew? But they didn't think that's what they what the issue was You know, that's that's it's so important to have somebody else who's not kind of in the In the story the Talmud says a person who's in he's in prison is not able to get themselves out of jail So they you know, you need somebody else to be able to do it even if you there's a story there was Someone there was a rally who needed to be he was sick and he was able to heal other people But he needed just somebody else to heal him because him himself so It's so important to have that fresh Non-bias, you know viewpoint to be able to see see if I'm kind of a bird's eye view what's going on for you probably was a lot There's like I'm not say obvious almost what they needed to do Well, and I think I think that's the value and we're often not taught that About marriage that there will be times where we'll be blind to What we need to do or or to the faults that we have that are just Maybe they've just been part of who we are for our entire lives And they're causing an issue between us and our spouse But the dance has just gotten so familiar between husband and wife And yet when you bring in a third party when you find a trusted coach or trusted therapist All of a sudden you don't have to keep having that same friction point You know somebody that that is well versed in what they're doing can help you to have that breakthrough and then all of a sudden It's like you have a brand new marriage Because you're not bumping up against that same Destructive behavior that same destructive thought pattern. It's actually Released and then you get to step into it. You know what your marriage was designed to be Man, it's interesting because you're saying it seems like there's it's not like there are people get overwhelmed in it like I have so many issues but You know, it sounds like what you're saying is there's usually one or two kind of main main sources of friction that They're bumping up against I mean, I deal with folks literally Every marriage problem. I've probably over the last, you know, eight years now eight years or so Have run into but every I mean I deal with everything from infidelity to You know, especially this year, you know differences of opinion on the political climate and you know the election of 2020 And you know, how do we navigate that and how do we navigate in-laws? I mean, it's a really, you know, sexlessness if if it can happen in a marriage. I've probably dealt with it. Yeah You know, it just depends on the willingness and then this goes back to what you were saying about your intensives, right the willingness to dig deep and The challenge to try something new And do you find a lot of um resistance to that or Are most people are ready I think for the most part the folks that I work with are ready Many of them have gotten to the point where and I'll see it on their applications because I have an application for coaching where It's either now or never because they know their next step is divorce And so at that point in time we have to make a change and you know, we often say on the podcast I'm like, please don't wait till that point But statistically I know um just from a lot of research that I've seen that most couples will wait six or seven years Before they do something and that's when it gets a little dicey because You know if you've been waiting that long your spouse May not be willing to engage in the process Do you find that About to be common when do you find that people you get people that are one person's already kind of Out the door I wouldn't say that's common, uh, but I have run into that And you know as a marriage coach, I can only work as hard as both parties are willing to work To save their marriage But truth be told I've seen miracles happen where you know couples really thought You know I was just talking to a couple the other night when I met them in august. She was ready to divorce She was like I'm done and basically I'm giving this one chance and Where they are now four and a half months later of just being really focused really intentional being willing to try new strategies She you know, she was telling me about all the Christmas presents under the tree and what they're going to be doing You know beginning of next year and how they just got it You know a new puppy and all of these things that would have seemed virtually impossible If they hadn't taken the action and you know, I just feel like I Have the privilege to be the conduit for a couple to Have their own breakthrough I really feel that The coaching that I do Because I prayed before during and after my sessions and so it I just get to be a mouthpiece For you know, what god wants to do in the marriage and so that's how I know that when I'm able to connect the dots Like with that orthodontist that's not me that that was god using me to be able to Speak exactly how he needed to hear it Yeah, I mean, that's so important to have that to be to have that humility as a clinician and to To realize, you know, not to impose yourself on the couple to really help facilitate their healing Yeah, so gratifying to be able to hear that to see that someone's coming in You know ready to leave and then It's such a good place now Yeah, this has been this has actually been a great week because I've had three couples that um Just in this week alone that really thought they were headed to divorce and in all three instances The spouse that was really the more resistant or kind of one foot out the door Within the last week or two has had the epiphany moment that the marriage Is what they want to fight for and so three couples that that I wasn't actually sure about And they're all Looking at 2021 and they're like we're staying married And so yeah, that's the kind of thing that just puts a smile on your face because you're like, all right Let's let's do this It makes it all worth worth it all the work that you're doing. It makes it worth it to see that definitely Definitely, and I think though that, you know, somebody if somebody's actually going to wind up Engaging in your services and really work and deciding to work even if they think this is the last ditch effort There's a part of them that really wants to make it work. They just don't Couples don't have the hope. They don't really see how is it going to be any different and that's you know, it's hard for them to see that but The challenge is the people who don't people who don't come in the people who you Trying to convince them or you know what the spouse is trying to convince them and they don't get help You know, of course, it makes it much more difficult Even if one person's trying to work on themselves if the other person's completely checked out or or if they're actively having an affair That can make it really hard what I think you used a really significant word there you use the word hope and One this has been a really tough year on a lot of people a lot of people have felt hopeless You know when when marriages are in trouble when there are challenges There aren't a lot of places out there Where you can actually find hope I mean if we look if we look at news if we look at magazines everything is talking about divorces and divorce rates and you know the how many people are ending up divorced and and so it is that Coming against that mindset that everything has to end in divorce and say but wait What if you just had the tools and strategies? To do something different. What if you were equipped? What it most of us don't go to marriage school before we get married But we still can get a marriage license, but you don't actually have you know, it's like if you get a driver's license You have to go to driving school You get a marriage license by showing up and signing your name and giving them a check Right. There's no requirements. I mean, I know some clergy require it before they marry you, but it's not it's limited It is limited and you know a lot of what gets discussed there Yeah, we don't know what we don't know until we get married and all of a sudden you're living with someone. You're like, oh Right, I didn't right. You don't want to believe in that in that romantic says you don't want to believe that that power struggle is going to happen and So true It's a rude awakening It's so important and that's the thing It doesn't come marriage doesn't come with an instruction manual. We don't have to go to school for it We don't really know what we're getting ourselves into it It should just be expected that it's going to be a challenge and that people that there's something that we all need to learn to Have a better relationship And when you can come from that place, it's not so you don't feel like such a failure Or like your all hope is lost because it's not going the way you were intending Exactly the way It's supposed to be and now we just need to get the tools to To take it to a better place Well, I love that we're sitting here in your office because I can see all you know the many volumes behind you And you know in so many areas of our lives Whether it's professionally whether it's we will continue to get the education We will continue to learn and yet there's this, you know, rather significant relationship called marriage That we like you said and we were talking about a minute ago We can just get a license and go And there's no expectation That we would continue to learn and and that's why you know a lot of times people find themselves in a place where They don't read all the books or find coaching or reach out to a therapist until The wheels are falling off And you know one of the things that Tony and I love is when we hear from folks that are Single or dating or engaged that are listening to the show and they're listening to a couple talk about marriage Before they get married because they just want to know how to do it better even though they've not been in the relationship Yeah, it's always that's always good to To get that information as early as possible So that's great to get people Trying to prevent you know to start off on the in the right place Oh, I'm always so grateful when they write in them. I said myself and say thank you Thank you for thank you for caring enough about your future marriage To do something proactive before you're even in that place You know, how different will those relationships be If they're focusing on it before it's even there I'm focusing on on being equipped and thinking through what are those conversations, you know When Tony and I are talking about like how are you going to navigate the political climate? How are you going to navigate, you know during a sex challenge? How are you going to navigate, you know teenagers who knock on your door when you're like whatever it is We're having these conversations people are thinking oh Well, if Tony and Alisa can talk about it I can probably talk about that and it's just this equipping That continues to happen through the podcast That's what you get the skills and normalizing it for them They're doable and then then when they do get a rough patch down Even though they're still going to be in La La Land But when they do get a rough patch, they know that there's there is a better way that there is That people do have challenges and people can overcome them and there are tools that can help them Yeah That enables them to stay committed to really doing what they need to To create a great marriage Well, and so much of it does go back to that commitment and the consistency You know, will you do the little things? On a consistent basis to have an extraordinary relationship because it's the little things You know in in song of songs, you know, I think it's 215 that talks about the little foxes And how the little foxes destroy the vine and you know so much of that is It's not these big sweeping things Right infidelity happens as a result of lots of little things That have built up over time It's not like anybody wakes up and says this is the day I'm going to ruin my marriage And so if we can if we can get into the habit early on or wherever you are in marriage like that Folks listen to show could be anywhere along the spectrum But if you make a commitment to saying i'm not going to let the little foxes in i'm going to do the little actions To be consistent and to do the things that are actually going to build my marriage Yeah, that's really and that's hard for people because I think in our we have this instant gratification in our society everything's just You know like our internet speeds, you know a few seconds too slow and we can't you know getting antsy already right we're used to just everything coming our way and replacing things and To think about like that you have to commit to something and then you have to that day daily effort And you're not going to associate the fruits of your labor Until a little while down the road It's hard to For someone to have that type of patience In our society so it makes it kind of an uphill battle But that's where the desire and the commitment comes in And sometimes you have to do stuff when you don't feel like it Right, right. I mean Tony and I you know a lot of people ask, you know The secret to what Tony and I have done and we've been intentional. We've taken action You know specifically since 2008 But the one thing that we've done for almost 11 years now is once a week We have had a conversation we happened to record ours and put it out for the podcast But but we developed The emotional intimacy by making time to talk to one another and we haven't missed a week I mean we we did it when I was going on a mission trip. We actually recorded two shows Like this is what we what we've woven into our fact the fabric of our marriage and There's it with the instant gratification society. We've lost the The desire to be consistent over time But it's consistency over time That actually creates extraordinary. It's not short bursts of being amazing It's what will you do and if you're going to be married to somebody for 40 or 50 years The short bursts at the beginning are going to be a distant memory at 50 years It's what do you do over the length of that time it's interesting because there's um that about consistency there's a Idea and the the tomah talks about when a person goes to The when they go out to the world to come and they ask them, you know What a few things about their life and one of the things I said, did you set? Fixed times just for study for studying the Torah And it doesn't say like did you learn all all the Torah? Did you understand at all? Did you do, you know, what did you accomplish? Did you set fixed times? I said I didn't that that consistency that you're making it because you're making it when you make Something consistent and you set the time for it. It prioritizes it. It shows that this is important to me But so it's with date night for you know You show it even if we miss it one week But the idea is that every, you know, Tuesday night at eight o'clock you're going out That means your marriage is important enough to set aside time and your schedule to make it happen And even if you don't succeed every time, but you have that idea. So that's just Really resonate with that. It's so it's so important and it's so challenging But it's that's what's going to get to you know, it's the turtle that kind of wins the race That daily effort. Yeah I like that. I hadn't thought about the tortoise in the hair. But yes, exactly Exactly great analogy Yeah, but is there is there any more of this that you want to share about the six pillars? Well, I would encourage folks I mean you can learn all about us at one extraordinary marriage.com But you know really dig into the six pillars of intimacy and and to start thinking about it as just an alternative way to Look at your marriage, right? It's a tool. We often talk about Helping couples to build out their toolbox Right not every, you know, when you think about the different pillars What you're going to do to build your emotional intimacy may not be the same thing that you do to build your recreational intimacy But but approach your marriage as you know what this is our relationship and we've got our set of tools For our toolbox and we're going to look at these six pillars as ways to strengthen Our marriage as ways to literally lift every part of us Up so that you know 30 40 50 years down the road. We're we're sitting across the table from one another We've had an incredible marriage We have focused on one another to use the word that you just used We've prioritized one another and these six pillars really just equip couples to to learn different ways to prioritize one another It's great. I like how you really break it down. It just makes it It's doable. It's not like Just six only six areas I have to focus on it's like a hundred things I have to do You know, just like what am I doing in these areas? Check gotta kind of checking yourself to see what you're doing and I'm really committing to focusing on on those And seeing how that creates that holds up that beautiful edifice that you're trying to create And the truth is is, you know, when you look at those six and because people will be like, well, why don't you have like parenting intimacy? Well, parenting intimacy falls into your emotional intimacy and falls into your physical intimacy You know, you you can navigate virtually any area We have yet to find one that you can't any area of marriage or life or what life is going to throw at you while you're married That isn't going to somehow fit into one of the six pillars or a combination of them because they're really interwoven and so If we can simplify marriage people can really step into this place of saying I can do this We've just created a culture Collectively, I think we're so many people say this is hard. I can't do this. I'm just going to throw in the towel And we really want to come against what's happening and you know with the divorce rates We want to come against people saying, you know, I can't do this and say wait you can Let's let's figure out where where you've got your cracks and let's let's equip you You know, it's not just the knowledge of the six pillars, but the programs the coaching the podcast all of these other things that come around it So that they you know start Having hope again Yeah, you know what we can do. It's why we have a hug at the top of every show just to hear from somebody in the one family Who has figured out how to do something? And now they have confidence and once you have confidence And once you have confidence in your skills and abilities you you can take on the world Or you simply have an extraordinary marriage That's great Well, it's been a pleasure hearing from you today. Lisa really again one extraordinary marriage.com And if you want to find out more, um, it's been wonderful hearing from you I really like it, you know, but you've shared when I read about your program And it's just it sounds like you're doing really amazing work with couples and thank you God should bless you to continue with Tony to do the work that you're doing Oh, I received that. Thank you very much. It's been a pleasure to be with you Welcome