 7. Ms. Altefiola's Arrival Yes, Sir Francis Geraldine was a beast for Ms. Chief. Thinking the matter over, he resolved that Mr. Western should not be left in the dark as to his wife's episode, and he determined that Mr. Western would think more of the matter if it were represented to him that his wife had been jilted, and had been jilted unmistakably before they too had met each other on the continent. He was right in this. According to the usages of the world, the lady would have less to say for herself if that were the case, and would have more difficulty in saying it. Therefore the husband would be the more bound to hear it. Sir Francis was a beast for Ms. Chief, but he knew what he was about. But so did not Mrs. Western when she allowed those opportunities to pass by her, which came to her for telling her story before her marriage. In very truth she had had no reason for concealing it, but that story had been so nearly the same. On this account she had put it off and put it off, and then the fitting time had passed by. When she was with him alone after their marriage, she could not do it without confessing her fault in that she had not done it before. She could not bring herself to do so. Standing so high in his esteem as she did, and conscious that he was thoroughly happy in his appreciation of her feminine merit, she could not make him miserable by descending from her pedestal to the telling of a story which was disgraceful in that it had not been told before. And there was a peculiarity of manner in him of which she became day by day more conscious. He could be very generous for good conduct to those dependent on him, but seemed to be one who could with difficulty forgive an injury. He wished to have everything about him perfect, and then life should go as soft as the summer's day. He was almost idolatrous to her in these first days of their marriage, but then he had found nothing out. Cecilia, knowing his character, asked herself after all what there was to be found out. How often that question must occur to the girl just married? But there was nothing. He was pleased with her person, pleased with her wit, pleased that money should have been offered to him, and pleased that for the present he should have declined it. He liked her dress and her willingness to change any portion of it at his slightest hint. He liked her activity and power of walking, and her general adaptability to himself. He was pleased with everything, but she had the secret at her heart. I wonder that you should have lived so long and never have been in love before. He said to her one day as they were coming home. How do you know? She blushed as she answered him, but it was a matter as to which any girl might blush. I'm sure you were not. I should have heard it. And yet she was silent. She felt at the moment that the time had come, the only possible time. But she let the moment pass by. Though she was ever thinking of her secret, and ever wishing that she could tell it, longing that it had been told, she could not bear that it should be surprised from her in this way. I think it nicer as it is. He added as he left the room. Then she got up and stood alone on the floor, thinking of it all. There she stood for ten minutes thinking of it. She would follow him, and not throwing herself on her knees, but standing boldly before him tell him all. There was no disgrace in it to have loved that other man. Of her own conduct she was confident before all the world. There had been so little secrecy about it that she almost had her right to suppose that it had been known to all men. The more she tried to bring herself to follow him and tell him, the more she assured herself that there should be no necessity. How odd she to have told him and when. At every point of his story should she have made known to him the same point in hers? It was exactly the same with me. I wouldn't have my young man because he was indifferent. With yours there was another lover ready that has yet to come with me. You have come abroad for consolation. So have I. It would have been impossible, was impossible. I think it nicer as it is. He had said and she could not do it. There was some security while they were travelling and she wished that they might travel forever. She was happy while with him alone and so too was he. But for her secret she was completely happy. Let him only be kept in the dark and he would be happy always. She idolized him as her own. She loved him the better for thinking that it was nicer as it is. Or would have done had it been so. Why should they go where some sudden tidings might mar his joy? Where some sudden tidings certainly would do so sooner or later. Still they went on and on till in May they reached his house in Berkshire. He with infinite joy at his heart and she with the load upon hers. Early in May they reached Derton Lodge in Berkshire and there they stayed during the summer. Mr. Western had his house in London and there was a question whether they would not go there for the season. But Cecilia had begged to be taken to her house in the country and there she remained. Derton Lodge was little more than a cottage but it was very pretty and pretty situated. When the Ascot week came he offered to take her there but offered it with a smile which she understood to mean that his proposal would not be accepted. Indeed she had no wish for Ascot or for any place in which he or she must meet their old friends. Might it not be possible if they both could be happy at Derton that there they might remain with some minimum of intercourse with the world. Six months had now passed by since they had become engaged and no good-natured friend had as yet told him the truth. Might it not be possible that the same silence should be as yet preserved? If yours could be made to run on then he would have become used to her and the telling of the secret would not be so severe but there came to her a great trouble in regard to her letters from Exeter. Miss Alte Fiorla would fill hers with long statements about Sir Francis which had no interest whatsoever but which required to be at once destroyed. She soon learnt in her married life that her husband had no wish to see her letters. She would so willingly have shown them to him would have taken such a joy in asking for his sympathy such a delight in exposing Miss Alte Fiorla's peculiar views of life that she lost much by her constrained reticence but this necessity of destroying papers was very grievous to her though she knew that he would not read the letters without her permission still she must destroy them. In every possible way she entered to silence her correspondent not answering her at first and then giving her such answers as were certainly not affixionate but in no way would Miss Alte Fiorla be snubbed. Then after a while she proposed to come and stay a week at Dirt and Lodge this was not to be endured. The very thought of it filled poor Mrs. Western's heart with despair and yet she did not like to refuse without telling her husband. Of Miss Alte Fiorla she had already made mention and Mr. Western had been taught to laugh at the peculiarities of the old maid. Pray do not have her she said to him she will make you very uncomfortable and my life will be a burden to me but what can you say to her no room suggested Cecilia but there are two rooms I know there are but is one to be driven by a strict regard for literal truth to entertain an unwelcome friend Miss Alte Fiorla thought I ought not to have married you and as I thought I ought we had some words about it whom did she want you to marry asked Mr. Western with a laugh nobody she is averse to marriage altogether unless she was the advocate of some suitor I do not see that I need quarrel with her but she is your friend and not mine and if you choose to put her off of course you can do so I would advise you to find something more probable than the want of a bedroom in a house in which one is only occupied there was truth in this what reason could she find knowing her husband's regards to truth she did not dare to suggest any reason to her friend more plausible than the want of her room but still essentially false she was driven about thinking that she would get her husband to take her away from home for a while for two or three days the letter remained unanswered when her husband suggested to her that she had better write could we not go somewhere she replied with a look of trouble on her brow run away from home on account of Miss Alte Fiorla said he she was beginning to be afraid of him and knew that it was so she did not dare to declare to him her thoughts and was afraid at every moment that he should read them then I must just tell her that we can't have her that will be best if you have made up your mind as far as I am concerned she's welcome any friend of yours would be welcome oh George she would bore you out of your life I am not so easily bored I'm sure that any intimate friend of yours would have something to say for herself oh plenty and as for her having been an advocate of single life she had not seen me and therefore her reasons could not have been personal there are a great many young women 30 years old and upwards who take up the idea they do not wish to subject themselves perhaps because they have not been asked by the right person I don't think they have been any persons here not that she's bad looking perhaps you think I shall fall in love with her I had have her directly but she's the last person in the world I should think of I can get on very well with anyone who has an idea there is at any rate something to strike it the young lady who agrees with everything and suggests nothing is to me the most intolerable at any rate you had better make up your mind at once or you'll have her here before you know where you are it was this which did indeed happen on the day after the last conversation Mrs. Western wrote her letter in it she expressed her sorrow that engagements for the present prevented her from having the power to entertain her friend no doubt the letter was cold and unfriendly as she read it over to herself she declared that she would have been much hurt to have received such a letter from her friend but she declared again that under no circumstances could she have offered herself as Miss Altifiola had done nevertheless she felt ashamed of the letter all of which however became quite unnecessary when in the course of the afternoon Miss Altifiola appeared at Dirt and Lodge she arrived with a torrent of reasons she had come up to London on business which admitted of no excuse she was sure that her friend's letter must have gone astray that letter which for the last three days she had been expecting to return from London to Exeter without seeing her dear friend would be so unfeeling and unnatural she must have come to Dirt and Lodge or must have returned to Exeter in fact she so put it as to make it appear impossible that she should not have come my dear Miss Altifiola said Mr. Western I'm sure that Cecilia is delighted to see you and as for me you are quite welcome but as a fact there she was there was no sending her away again no getting her out of the house without a sojourn of some days whatever mischief she might do might be done at once there could be no doubt that she would begin to talk of Sir Francis Geraldine and declare the secret which was now the one care of Cecilia's mind to keep away from her husband it mattered not that her presence there showed her to be vulgar impertinent and obtrusive there she was and must be dealt with as a friend or as an enemy again Cecilia almost made up her mind as to the better course let her go to her husband and tell him all and tell him also why it was that she told him now let her endure his anger and then there would be an end of it there was nothing else as to which she had need to dread him but again when she found herself with him he was happy and jockened and gested with her about her friend she could not get him into the humor in which it was proper that he should be told she did not tell him and went down to dinner with a terrible load about her heart three or four times during the evening the conversation was on the point of turning to matters in which the name of Sir Francis Geraldine would surely be mentioned with infinite care but without showing her care she contrived to master the subject and to force her friend and her husband's to talk of other things but the struggle was very great and she was aware that it could not be repeated the reader will remember perhaps the stern thoughts which Miss Halt had entertained as to her friend when her friend had thought proper to give her some idea of what her duty ought to be in regard of her present husband she remembered well that Miss Altifiola had written to her asking whether Mr. Western had forgiven that episode and her mother too had in writing dropped some word some word intended to be only half intelligible as to the question which Miss Altifiola had asked after the wedding breakfast she knew well what had been in the woman's mind and knew also what had been in her own she remembered how proudly she had disdained the advice of this woman when it had been given to her and yet now she must go to her and ask for mercy she saw no other way out of her immediate trouble she did not believe but that her friend would be silent when told to be silent and yet how painfully disgraceful to her the bride would be the telling she went up to Miss Altifiola's room after she had gone for the night and found her friend getting into bed happy with the assistance of a strange maid oh my dear said Miss Altifiola my hair is not half done yet are you in a hurry for Mary I will go to my own room said Mrs. Western and when Mary will tell me that you are ready I will come to you there is something I have to tell you she had not been five minutes in her own room before Mary summoned her the something to be told took immediate hold of Miss Altifiola's imagination and induced her to be ready for bed with her hair we may suppose half done Francesca said Mrs. Western as soon as she entered the room I have a favor to ask you a favor yes a favor she had come prepared with her request down to the very words in which it should be uttered I do not wish you while you remain here to make any allusion to Sir Francis Geraldine Miss Altifiola almost whistled as she heard the word spoken you understand me do you not I do not wish any words to be said which may by chance lead to the mention of Sir Francis Geraldine's name if you will understand that you will be able to comply with my wishes her request she made almost in the stern words of an absolute order there was nothing humble in her demeanor nothing which seemed to tell of a suppliant and having given her command she remained quiet waiting for an answer then this was the reason why you didn't answer me you did not want to see me and therefore remained silent I did not want to see you but it was not on that account that I remained silent I should have written to you indeed I have written to you and the letter would have gone today I wrote to you putting you off but as you are here I have to tell you my wishes I am sure that you will do as I would have you I have to think of my duty said Miss Altifiola then there came a black frown on Mrs. Western's brow duty what duty could she have in such a matter except to her she suspected the woman of a desire to make mischief she felt confident that the woman would do so and is repressed by the extraction from her of a promise to the contrary she did believe that the woman would keep her word that she would feel herself bound to preserve herself from the accusation of direct falsehood but from a good feeling from a kindness from her affection from that feminine bond which ought to have made her silent she expected nothing your duty Francesca in this matter is to me said Mrs. Western assuming a wonderful severity of manner you have known me many years and are bound to me by many ties I tell you what my wishes are I cannot quite explain my reasons but I do not doubt that you will guess them you have kept the secret said Miss Altifiola the devilish mixture of malice fun and cunning it does not matter what I have done there are reasons which made me wish to avoid your immediate coming at the present moment it will interfere gravely with this happiness and with mine were he to learn the circumstances of Sir Francis Geraldine's courtship of course it is painful to me to have to say this to you it is so painful that to avoid it I have absolutely written to you telling you not to come this I have done not to avoid your coming which would otherwise have been a pleasure to me but to save myself from this great pain now you know it all and know also what it is that I expect from you Miss Altifiola listened to this in silence she was seated in an easy bedroom chair clothes from head to foot in a pale pink dressing gown from which the color was nearly washed out and her hair as I have said was half done but in her trouble to collect her thoughts she became quite unaware of all accessories her dear friend Cecilia had put the matter to her so strongly that she did not quite dare to refuse but yet what a fund of gratification might there not be in telling such a story under such circumstances to the husband she sat silent for a while meditating on it till Mrs. Western roughly forced a reply from her lips I desire to have your promise said Mrs. Western oh yes of course you will carefully avoid all allusion to the subject since you wish it I will do so that is sufficient and now good night I know that I am doing wrong said Miss Altifiola you would indeed be doing wrong said Mrs. Western if you were to take upon yourself to destroy my happiness on such a matter after having been duly warned end of chapter 7 chapter 8 of kept in the dark this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org kept in the dark by Anthony Trollop chapter 8 lady Grant it is literally true that the tongue will itch with the desire to tell a secret Miss Altifiola's tongue did itch but upon the whole she endured her suffering and kept her promise she did not say a word in Mr. Western's hearing which led to Sir Francis Geraldine as a topic of conversation but in reward for this she exacted from Mrs. Western and undertaking to keep her at Dirt and Lodge for a fortnight the bargain was not exactly struck in those words but it was so made that Mrs. Western understood how great was the price she paid and how valuable the article she received in return a fortnight Mr. Western said when his wife told him of the promise she had made I thought that three days would have been too much for you three hours or too much as interrupting our happiness but as she is here and as we have been very intimate for many years and as she herself has named the time I have not liked to contradict her so be it she will interfere much more with you than with me and I suppose that the coming will not be frequently repeated two days after this another guest proposed to visit them but this was only for two nights and her coming had in fact been expected from a period before the marriage Lady Grant was Mr. Western's younger sister and the person of whom in all the world he seemed to think the most indeed he had assured his wife that next to herself she was the nearest and dearest to him she was a widow and went but little into society according to his account she was clever agreeable and beautiful she lived altogether in Scotland where her time was devoted to her children and was now coming up to England chiefly with the purpose of seeing her brother's wife she was to be a Dirt and Lodge now only for a couple of nights and then to return and remain with the understood purpose of taking them with her back to Scotland of Lady Grant Cecilia had become much afraid as thinking it more than probable that her secret might be known but it had seemed that as yet Lady Grant knew nothing of it she corresponded frequently with her brother and as far as Cecilia could tell the subject had not yet been mentioned between them could it be possible that all this time secret was known to her husband and to her husband's sister if so his silence to her was almost cruel up to the morning of her coming Miss Artifiola had certainly kept her promise she had kept her promise though there had been 20 little openings as to which it would have been so easy for her to lead the way to the matter as to which her tongue longed to be speaking when any mention was made of baronets either married or unmarried or formal lovers of broken woes or of second engagements Miss Artifiola would look with a meaning glance at her hostess but of these glances Cecilia would apparently take no heed she had soon got to know that Miss Artifiola's promise would be kept unless she were laid by some other person into an indirect breach of it Cecilia's life during the period was one of great agony but still she endured it without allowing her husband to perceive that it was so now on the coming of Lady Grant what steps should she take should she ask her friend to be silent also to this second person or should she presume the promise to be so extended she could not bring herself to make a second request the task of doing so was too ponderous Miss Artifiola's manner of receiving the request made it such a burden that she could not submit herself to it the woman looked at her and spoke to her in a manner which she was obliged to endure without seeming to endure ought that was unnatural she looked back to her own struggles during that evening in the bedroom and could see the woman as she sat struggling in her pale pink dressing gown to escape from the necessity of promising she could not have another such scene as that but she thought that perhaps with one added word the promise might be made to suffice when they were alone together Miss Artifiola would constantly refer to the Geraldine affair this was to be expected and to be endured there would come an end to the fortnight and the woman would be gone do you think that Lady Grant knows she said in the whisper that had become usual to her on such occasions I'm sure she knows nothing about it said Cecilia how can you be so sure you do not know her and I've never seen her it will be very odd if she has not heard at any rate nothing need be said to her in this house no hints need be made to her either by you or me I think she must have heard it I happen to know that she has a great correspondence loss when you think of who Sir Francis is and of the manner in which he lives it is almost impossible to conceive that a person should not have heard of it we need not tell her you're quite safe with me I have given you my word and that ought to be enough nobody could have been more studious to avoid the matter though indeed it has sometimes been difficult and then there has been my feeling of doubt whether my duty ought not to make me divulge it there was something in this which was peculiarly painful to Cecilia the duty of this woman to her husband to him whom she loved so truly to him with whom it was the very core of her heart to have everything in common Francesca Altefiola to speak of her duty to him but even this had to be born indeed I feel every day that I'm staying here that I'm sacrificing duty to friendship oh into what trouble had she fallen without any sin of her own as she told herself without at least any great sin when was the moment at which she ought to have told the story she thought that she could remember the exact moment when he had come back to her for her answer at the end of that week and then she had not told him simply from her dislike to repeat back to him the story which she had heard from himself Lady Grant came and nothing could be sweeter or more gracious than the meeting Miss Altefiola was not there and the two ladies in the presence of the husband and brother received each other with that quick intimacy and immediate loving friendship which it is given only to women to entertain Lady Grant was 10 years the senior and a widow and had that air of living through the evening of her life instead of still enjoying the morning which is peculiar to widows who have loved their husbands she was very lovely even in her mitigated widow's weeds with a tall figure and pale oval face rather thin but not meager or attenuated and Cecilia thought that she saw in her a determination to love her and she on her side at once determined that she would return Lady Grant's affection but not for that reason was her secret to be known she looked on Lady Grant as one whom she would so willingly have made her friend in all things but still as one whom as to that single matter she could not but regard as her enemy they sat together for a couple of hours before dinner and then at night there was another sitting from which Miss Altefiola was again banished and there was some joking questions asked and answers given as to Miss Altefiola's presence there was a something in the manner and gait of Lady Grant which made Cecilia almost ashamed of her exetra friend it was not that Miss Altefiola was ignorant or unladylike or ill-dressed but that she knew her friend too well Miss Altefiola was little and mean whereas Cecilia was ready to accept her sister-in-law as great and noble Miss Altefiola was not therefore spoken off in the highest terms and the mode of her coming to dirt and lodge without any invitation was subjected to some little ridicule but Mrs. Western when she went to her room was comforted at any rate in thinking that Lady Grant did not know her secret how poor must have been her state of comfort may be judged from the fact that this could add to it on the following morning they met at breakfast and all went well but Lady Grant could not but notice that the young lady from Devonshire seemed to exercise an authority in commensurate with the tone in which she had been described the day passed by happily enough and Cecilia was strong in hope that Lady Grant might take her departure without a reference to her one subject of sorrow that night however her comfort such as it was was brought to an end as they were sitting together in Lady Grant's bedroom Cecilia's years was suddenly wounded by the mention of the name of Sir Francis Geraldine in her immediate agony she could hardly tell how it occurred but she was rapidly asked a question as to her former engagement in the asking of it there was nothing rough nothing unkind nothing intended to wound nothing to show a feeling that it should not be so but the question had been asked there was the fact that Lady Grant knew the whole story but there was the fact also that her husband did not know it or else that other fact which she would have given the world to know to be a fact that he knew it and had willingly held his peace respecting it even to his sister if that could be so then she could be happy if that could be so if she could know that it was so then could she afford to despise Miss Altefiola and her tyranny but though the word had been not yet a moment uttered she could not at first remember how it had been said there was simply the knowledge that the name of Sir Francis Geraldine had been used and that it had been declared that she had been engaged to him up to this moment she had been very brave and very powerful too over herself up to this she had never betrayed herself but now her courage gave way the color came to her cheeks and forehead and neck and then passed rapidly away and she betrayed herself does not he know it asked Lady Grant as she said the words she put out her hand and pressed Cecilia as in her own and the tone of her voice was loving and friendly and sisterly though there was reproach in it it was not half so bitter as that which Cecilia was constantly addressing to herself the reproach was in her ears and not in Lady Grant's voice but the words were repeated before Cecilia could answer them does not he know it all her hope was thus abolished almost from the moment of Lady Grant's coming into the house she had taught herself to think that he must know it it was impossible that the two should be ignorant and impossible also as she thought that the sister should know it and that he should not but all that was now at an end it was unnecessary that she should answer her sister's question and yet so difficult to find words in which to do so she attempted to speak but the word would not come even the one word no would not form itself on her lips she fell upon her knees and bearing her face in Lady Grant's lap thus told her secret he has never heard of it again asked Lady Grant oh my dear that should not have been so must not be so if i could tell you if i could tell you tell me what i'm sure there's nothing for you to tell which you need blush to speak no no nothing nothing then why should he not know why should he not have known Cecilia you will tell him tonight before he goes to his rest no no not tonight it is impossible i must wait till that woman has gone Miss Artifiola knows it oh yes she knows too that he does not know it this question Cecilia answered only by some sign i fancy that it might be so i thought that there was something between you which had been kept from him why why have you been shall i say so foolish yes yes yes foolish oh yes but it has been only that there is nothing nothing that is not known to all the world the marvel is that he should not have known it it was in all the newspapers but he never thinks of trifles such as that but why did you keep it from him shall i tell you you know the story of his own engagement to miss Tramina oh yes i know the story and how badly she behaved to him receiving the attention of another man absolutely while she was engaged to him she was very pretty but a flighty inconstant little girl i felt that George had had a great escape but such was the story well he told it to me he told it before he had thought of me we were together and had become intimate and out of the full heart the mouth speaks i can understand that he should have told it to you he did not think of loving me then well he told me his story but i kept mine to myself that was natural then but when he came to me with the other story and asked me to love him was i to give him back his own tale and tell him the same thing of myself i do have had a lover and i have jilted him if you're pleased to call it so was i to tell him that it would hardly have been true i think it would have been true true to the letter said Cecilia determined that Sir Francis Geraldine's lie should not prevail at this moment i had done to Sir Francis just what the girl had done to your brother i was guided by other motives and had i think behaved properly was i to tell it to him then why not his own story back again i could not do it and then after that from time to time the occasions have gone by words have been said by him which have made it impossible 20 times have determined to do it and 20 times the opportunity has been lost i was obliged to tell this woman not to mention it in his presence he must know it i wish he did he is a man who will not bear to be kept in the dark on such a question i know it i have read his character and i know it you cannot know him as i do said lady Grant though you are his wife you have not been so long enough to know him how true he is how affectionate how honest but yet how jealous were i to say that he is unforgiving that i should rely him without many thoughts he could forgive the man who had dropped him of his fortune or his health but it is hard for him to forgive that which he considers to be an offense against his self-love i know it all the longer he is kept in the dark the deeper will be the wound of such a man it is impossible to say what he suspects he will not think that you have loved him the less or that you are less true to him but there will be something that will rankle and which he will not enter where to define he is the noblest man on earth and the most generous till he be offended but then he is the most bitter you describe his character just as i have read it if it be so you must be careful that he learned this from yourself and not from others if it come from you he will be angry that it has come so late but his anger will pass by and he will forgive you but if he hears it from the world at large if it be told of you and not by you then i can understand that his wrath would be very great why has he not heard it already asked mrs western after a pause why has he not been like all the world who have read it in the newspapers it was talked off so much that it was hardly necessary that i should tell it myself you yourself have said that he does not think of trifles paragraphs about the loves and marriages of other people he would never read he may be sure at any rate of this that your engagement with sir frances geraldine he has never read i have sometimes hoped said mrs western that he knew it all lady grant shook her head i have sometimes thought that he knew it all and regarded it as a matter on which nothing need be said between us should i have been angry with him that he had not told me of mistremonia do you measure the one thing by the other said lady grant a man's desires by a woman's a man's sense of honor by what a woman is supposed to feel though a man keeps such secrets deep in his bosom through long years of married life the woman is not supposed to be injured she may know or may not know and may hear the tale at any period of her married life and no harm will follow but a man expects to see every thought in the breast of the woman to whose love he trusts as though it were all written there for him in the clear light but written in letters which no one else shall read i have nothing that he may not read said mrs western but there is something that he has not read something that he has not been invited to read let it not remain so tell it to him all even though you may have to support his anger and for a time to pine in the shadow of his displeasure mrs western as she went away to her own room felt some relief at any rate in the conviction that with lady grant her secret would be safe strong as was the bond which bound her to her brother there would be on her tongue no itching desire to tell the secret simply because it was there to be told she had not threatened or spoken of her duty or boasted of her friendship but had simply given her advice in the strongest language which it was within her power to use on the next morning she took her leave and started on her journey without showing even by glance that she was possessed of any secret does she know asked mrs altefiola as soon as the two were in the drawing room together using a kind of whisper which had now become habitual to her it may almost be said that mrs western had come to hate her friend she looked forward to the time of her going as a liberation from misery mrs altefiola's intrusion at dirt and lodge was altogether unpalatable to her she certainly no longer loved her friend and knew well that her friend knew that it was so but still she could not risk the open enmity of one who knew her secret and she was bound to answer the question that was asked her yes she does know it and what does she say it matters not what she says my request to you is that you should not speak of it but to yourself no not to myself or to any other person here then she was silent and mrs altefiola perzing up her lips we thought herself whether the demands made upon her friendship were not too heavy but there still remained five days of the visit end of chapter eight chapter nine of kept in the dark this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org kept in the dark by anthony trollop chapter nine mrs altefiola's departure the fortnight was nearly gone and mrs altefiola was to start early on the following morning Cecilia had resolved that she would tell her story to her husband as soon as they were alone together and make a clean breast and she would tell him everything down as far as she could to the little feelings which had prevented her from speaking before to mrs altefiola's abominable interference and to Lady Grant's kind advice she would do this as soon as mrs altefiola was out of the house but she could not quite bring herself to determine on the words she would use she was resolved however that in owning her fault she would enter her to disarm his wrath by special tenderness if he were tender oh yes then she would be tender in return if he took it kindly then she would worship him all the agony she endured should be explained to him of her own folly she would speak very severely if he treated it lightly but she would do nothing to seem to deprecate his wrath as to all this she was resolved but she had not yet settled on the words with which she would commence her narrative the last day wore itself away very tediously mrs altefiola was in her manner more objectionable than ever mr western had evidently disliked her though he had hardly said so during the days he had left the two women much together and had remained in a study or had wandered forth alone in this way he had increased his wife's feeling of anger against her visitor and had made her look forward to a departure with increasing impatience but an event happened which had at once disturbed all her plans she was sitting in the drawing room with mrs altefiola at about five in the evening discussing in a most disagreeable manner the secrecy of her first engagement that is to say mrs altefiola was persisting in the discussion whereas mrs western was positively refusing to make it a subject of conversation i think you're demanding too much from me said mrs altefiola i have given way i'm afraid wrongly as to your husband but i should not do my duty by you where i not to insist on giving you my advice with my last breath let me tell it i shall know how to break the subject to him in a becoming manner at this moment the door was opened and the servant announced sir francis chiraldin the disturbance of the two women was complete had the dead ancestor of either of them been ushered in they could not have received him with more trepidation mrs altefiola rose with the look of awe mrs western had a feeling of anger that was almost dominated by fear but neither of them for a moment spoke a word nor gave any sign of making welcome the new guest as i am living so close to you said the baronet putting on that smile which mrs western remembered so well i thought that i was an honor bound to come and renew our acquaintance mrs western was a truly unable to speak i don't think that we knew that you were living in the neighborhood said mrs altefiola oh yes i have the prettiest funniest smallest little cottage in the world just about two miles off the criterion is called what a very odd name said mrs altefiola yes it is rather odd i won the race once and bought the place with the money the chorus was called scratch him and i couldn't call my house scratch him i have built a second cottage so that it is not so very small and as it is only two miles off i hope that you and mrs western will come and see it this was addressed exclusively to cecilia and made an answer of some kind absolutely necessary i fear that we are going to scotland very shortly she said and my husband is not much in the habit of visiting this was uncivil enough but sir francis did not take it amiss he sat there for 20 minutes and even made allusion to their former intimacy digsitter i'm quite well aware how happily all that has ended he said at any rate on your side of the question you've done very well and very wisely and i he laughed as he said this have succeeded in getting over it better than might have been expected at any rate i hope that there will be no ill will i shall do myself the honor of asking you and mr western to come and dine with me at the quiterion it is a little place at lord tomahawk had last year then he departed without another word from cecilia western now he must be told whispered miss altefiola the moment the door was closed my dear if you will think of it all round you will perceive that this can be done by no one so well as by myself i will go to mr western the moment he comes in and get through it all in half an hour you will do nothing of the kind said mrs western let me pray you let me implore you let me beseech you you will do nothing of the kind i will admit of no interference in the matter interference you cannot call it interference i will not have you speak to my husband on the subject but what will you do whatever i do shall be done by myself alone but you must tell him instantly you cannot allow this man to come and call and yet say nothing about it and he would not have called without some previous acquaintance this you will have to describe and if you say that you merely know him at exitor there will be in that case an additional fib the use of such words applied to herself by this woman was intolerable but she could only answer them by an involuntary frown upon her bro and then continued miss altifiola of course he will refer to me he will conclude that as you knew sir frances at exitor i must have known him i cannot tell a fib she could not tell a fib and that was uttered in such a way as to declare that mrs western had been fibbing i cannot tell a fib she will leave me at any rate to mind my own business said cecilia in an indignant tone as she left the room but mr western was at the whole door and the coming of sir frances had to be explained at once that could not be left to be told when miss altifiola should have gone not even though she were going tomorrow sir frances geraldine has been here she said almost before he had entered the room she was immediately aware that she had been too sudden and had given by her voice too great an importance to her idea of the visit but he was not surprised at that and did not notice it so frances geraldine a man whom i particularly do not wish to know and what has brought him here he came to call he's a devonshire man and he knew us at exitor he is the dean's brother-in-law i remember and when he came what did he say and miss you and he were very intimate i think he might as well have remained away there are some stories here not altogether to his credit i do not know much about his business but he is not a delectable acquaintance we were intimate said cecilia more purposely his niece was my dearest friend the words were no sooner out of her mouth than she was aware that she had fibbed mazaltifiola was justified why had she not stopped at the assurance of her intimacy with sir frances and leave unexplained the nature of it every step which she took made further steps terribly difficult after dinner mr western as a matter of course brought up the subject of sir frances geraldine did you know him mazaltifiola oh yes said that lady looking at cecilia with peculiar eyes only that mr restaurant was a man and not a woman and among men the least suspicious till his suspicion was aroused he would have discovered at once from miss altifiola's manner that there was a secret he seems to have lived in very good clerical society down in exitor a very different class from those with whom he has been intimate here of course he was staying at the denary said cecilia and the dean i know is a very pearl of church propriety it is odd what different colors men show at different places down here where he is well known a great many even of the raising men fight shy of him but i beg your pardon if he be a particular friend of yours mazaltifiola oh dear no not of mine at all i should never have known him to speak to but for cecilia her words no doubt were true but again she looked as though endeavoring to tell all she could without breaking her promise he is one of her devonshire baronets said cecilia and of course we like to stand by our own at any rate he is going to ask us to dinner we cannot dine with him that's as you please i don't want to dine with him i look upon it as very impertinent he knows that i should not dine with him there has never been any actual quarrel but there has been no acquaintance the acquaintance has been on my part said cecilia who felt that at every word she uttered she made the case worse for herself hereafter when a woman marries she has to put up with her husband's friends said mr western gravely he is nothing on earth to me i never wish to see him again as long as i live it is unfortunate that he should have turned out to be so near a neighbor said mazaltifiola then for the moment sir france's geraldine was allowed to be forgotten i do not like to say it before her he said afterwards in their own room and now cecilia was able to observe that his manner was altogether altered but to tell the truth that man behaved very badly to me myself i know nothing about raising but my cousin poor jack western did when he died there was some money due to him by sir francis and i as his executor applied for it sir francis answered that debts won by dead men were not payable but jack had been alive when he won this and it should have been paid before i know nothing about debts of honour as they are called but i found out that the money should have been paid what was the end of it asked cecilia i said no more about it the money would have come into my pocket and i could afford to lose it but sir francis must know what i think of the transaction and knowing it ought not to talk of asking me to dinner but that was swindling for the matter of that it's all swindling as far as i can see one strives to get the money out of another man's pocket by some juggling arrangement for myself i cannot understand how a gentleman can condescent to wish to gain another man's money but i leave that all alone it is so and when i meet a man who is on the turf as they call it i keep my own feelings to myself he has his own laws of conduct and i have mine but there is a man who does not obey his own laws and puts money in his pocket by breaking them he can do as he pleases it is nothing to me but he ought not to come and call upon my wife in this way he talked himself into a passion but the passion was now against sir francis geraldine and not against his wife on the next morning miss altefiola was dispatched by an early train so that she might be able to get down to exit her via london early in the day it behoved her to go to london on the route she had things to buy and people to see and to london she went goodbye my dear she said seeming to include the husband as well as the wife in the address i have spent a most pleasant fortnight and i've been most delighted to become acquainted with your husband your cecilia hold no longer but it would have been sad indeed not to know him who has made you cecilia western then she put out her hand and getting hold of that of the gentleman squeezed it with the warmest affection but her farewell address made to missus western in her own room was quite different in its tone now i'm going cecilia she said and i'm leaving you in the midst of terrible dangers i hope not said cecilia but i am they would have been over now in past if you would have loved me to obey my reason and to tell him the whole story of your former love why you because i'm your most intimate friend and i think i should have told it in such a manner as to disarm his wrath it is out of the question i will tell him do so do so but i doubt your courage do so this very morning and remember that at any rate francesca altafiola has been true to her promise that such a promise should have been needed and should have been boasted of with such violent vulgarity was almost more than missus western could stand she came downstairs and then underwent the additional purgatory of listening to the silver tongued farewell that she she with her high ideas of a woman's duty and a woman's dignity should have put herself into such a condition was a marvel to herself had someone a year since told her that she should become thus afraid of a fellow creature and of one that she loved best in all the world she would have repelled him who told her with disdain but so it was how was she to tell her husband that she had been engaged to one whom he described to her as a gambler and a swindler end of chapter nine chapter 10 of kept in the dark this is a liberox recording all liberbox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit liberbox.org reading by matt parrard kept in the dark by anthony trollop chapter 10 sir frances travels with miss ulti fiarla miss ulti fiarla was at the station of course before her time it is the privilege of unmarried ladies when they travel alone to spend a good deal of time at stations but as she walked up and down the platform she had an opportunity for settling her thoughts she was angry with three persons with mrs. western mr. western and with herself she was very angry with cecilia had cecilia trusted to her properly she could have sympathized with her thoroughly in all her troubles she was not angry with her friend in that her friend was afraid of her husband would she have reposed herself and her fears on her friends bosom it might have been very well but it was because her friend had not been afraid of her that she was wrath mrs. western had misbehaved egregiously and had come to her in her trouble solely because it was necessary so far she had done naturally but though she had come she had not come in any of the spirit of humility she had been bold as brass to her in the midst of her cowardice towards her husband in paris to herself and unbending she had declined her advice with scorn and yet one word spoken by herself would have been destructive seeing that she had been so treated had she not been wrong to abstain from the word her anger against mr. western was less hot in its nature but was still constant he had not liked her and though he had been formally civil his dislike had been apparent he was a man proud of himself who ought to be punished for his pride it was quite proper that he should learn that his wife had been engaged to the man whom he had so violently despised it would be no more than a fitting reverse of fortune mr. western was she thought no better than other men and ought to be made so to understand she had not quite arranged in her mind what she could now do in the matter but for dear cecilia's sake she was sure that something must be done and she was angry with herself and allowed herself to be turned out of the house before the crisis had come she felt that she ought to have been present at the crisis and that by the exercise of her own powers she might have hurried on the crisis in this respect she was by no means satisfied with herself she was walking up and down the platform of the little country station thinking of all this when on a sudden she saw surfrances geraldine get out of a brawl it cannot be explained why her heart throbbed when she saw surfrances get out of his brawl it was not that she thought that she could ask his advice on the matters which filled her mind but there probably did come to her vague ideas of the possibility of some joint action at any rate she received him when he came upon the platform with her blend of smile and immediately entered into a conversation with him respecting the household of the westerns what a stiff man he was so learned so proper and so distant it was impossible to get on with him no doubt he was very good and all that but what was their poor dear cecilia to do with a man so silent and one who hated all amusements before the train came up she and surfrances were quite on good terms together and as they were both going to London they got into the same carriage of course he's a prig said surfrances as they seated themselves opposite to one another but then his wife is a prick too and I do not see why they should not suit each other you did not use to think her a prig surfrances no like other men I made a mistake and was nearly having to pay for it but I discovered in time luckily for both of us you know said miss altifiola that Cecilia Holt was my dearest friend and I cannot endure to hear her abused abused you do not think I wish to abuse her I am awfully fond of her still but I do not see why she and western should not get on very well together I suppose they've no secrets from each other he added after a pause upon this miss altifiola remained silent they tell each other everything I should think still miss altifiola said nothing I should imagine that she would tell him everything upon my word I can't say I suppose she does about her former engagement for instance he knows the whole story I declare you put it to me in such a way that one doesn't know how to answer you different people have such different opinions about these kind of things some people think that because a girl has been engaged to a man she never ought to speak to him again when the engagement is broken for my part I do not see why they should not be as intimate as any other people she looked at me the other day as though she thought that I ought not to put myself into the same room with her again I suppose she did it in obedience to him what was miss altifiola to say an answer to such a question she did remember her promise and her promise was in a way binding upon her she wished so to keep it as to be able to boast that she had kept it but still she was most anxious to break it in the spirit she did understand that she had bound herself not to divulge alt about mrs western's secret and that were she to do so now to sir frances she would be untrue to her friend but the provocation was strong and she felt that sir frances was a man with whom it would be pleasant to form an alliance you must know said sir frances I don't see that I need know it all of course cecilia does tell me everything but I do not see that for that reason I am bound to tell anyone else then you do know know what has she told him that she was engaged to me or does he not know it without her telling him by this time they had become very intimate and were whispering backwards and forwards with each other at their end of the carriage all this was very pleasant to miss altered fiola she felt that she was becoming the recipient of an amount of confidential friendship which had been altogether been refused to her during the last two weeks sir frances was a baronette and a man of fashion and a gentleman very well thought of in deventure let mr. western say what he might about his conduct mr. western was evidently a stiff stern man who did not like the amusements of other gentlemen miss altered fiola felt that she liked being the friend of a man of fashion and she despised mr. western she threw herself back on the seat and closed her eyes and laughed but he pressed her with the same question in another form does he know that she was engaged to me if you will ask me i do not think that he does you really mean to say that he had never heard of it before his marriage what am i to do when you press me in this way remember that i do not tell you anything of my own knowledge it is only what i think you just now said that she told you everything but perhaps she doesn't know herself at any rate there is a mystery about it i think there is sir frances after that it was not very long before miss altered fiola was induced to talk with great openness of the whole affair and before they had reached london she had divulged to sir frances the fact that mrs. western had as yet told her husband nothing of her previous engagement and lived at the present moment in awe at the idea of having to do so i had no conception that cecilia would have been such a coward she said as sir frances was putting her into a cab but such is a sad fact she has never mentioned your name and was therefore dreadfully frightened when i called oh dreadfully but i shouldn't wonder if she had not told him all about it now already you think he was standing at the door of the cab detaining it and thereby showing in a very pleasant manner the importance of the interview well i cannot say perhaps not yet she had certainly not made the communication when i left this morning but was only waiting for my departure to do so so she said at least but she is terribly afraid of him and perhaps has not plucked up her courage but i must be off now when do you leave town this afternoon you are delaying me terribly at this moment don't sir frances this she said in a whisper because he had got hold of her hand through the window as though to say goodbye to her and did not at once let it go when do you go i'll see you off by the other train when do you go and from where will you though that will be very kind waterloo at 430 remember the 430 sans adieu then she kissed her hand to him and was driven off this to her was all very pleasant it gave an instant rose color to her life she had achieved such a character down at exeter for mainly reserve and had lived so sternly that it was hardly in her memory that a man had squeezed her hand before she did remember one young clergyman who had sinned in this direction 12 years since but he was now bishop when she heard the other day that he had been made a bishop some misgivings as to her great philosophy touched her mind had she done right in repudiating mankind would it not have been better now to have been driving about the streets of the episcopal city or perhaps even those of the metropolis in an episcopal carriage but as she had then said she had chosen her line and must now abide by it but the pressing of her hand by sir frances had opened up new ideas to her and they were the pleasanter because a special arrangement had been made for their meeting once again before they left london as to one point she was quite determined mrs. western and her secret must be altogether discarded as for her promise she had not really broken it he had been clever enough to extract from her all that she knew without as she thought any positive statement on her own part at any rate he did know the truth and no concealment could any longer be of service to cecilia it was evident that the way was open to her now and that she could tell all that she knew without any breach of confidence sir frances when he left her was quite determined to carry his project through cecilia had thrown him over with most abominable unconcern and self-sufficiency he had intended to honor her and she had monstrously dishonored him he had endeavored to escape this by taking upon himself falsely the fault of having been the first to break their engagement but there was a doubt as to this point and people said that he had been jilted much to his disgust he was determined to be revenge or as he said to himself he had made up his mind that the broad truth should be known it certainly would be the broad truth if he could make mr. western understand the relations on which he sir frances had but a few months before stood in regard to his wife honesty he said to himself demanded it miss altifiola he thought was by no means an unpleasant young woman with whom to have an intrigue she had good looks of her own though they were thin and a little pinched she was in truth 35 years old but she did not quite look at she had a certain brightness of eye when she was awakened to enthusiasm and she knew how to make the best of herself she could whisper and be or pretend to be secret she had about her at her command a great air of special friendship she had not practiced it much with men as yet but there was no reason why she should not do so with advantage she felt herself already quite on intimate terms with sir frances and observe frances it may be said that he was sufficiently charmed with miss altifiola to find it expedient to go and see her off from the waterloo station he found dick ross at his club and lunched with him you're just up from the criterion said dick yes i went down for the sake of renewing an old acquaintance and i renewed it you've been persecuting that unfortunate young woman why a young woman should be thought unfortunate because she marries such a pink of perfection as mr western and avoid such escape races i am i cannot conceive she's unfortunate because you mean to bully her why can't you leave her alone she has had her chance of war and you have had yours and he has had his as far as i can see you have had the best of it she is married to a stiff prick of a fellow who no doubt will make her miserable surely that ought to be enough for you not quite said sir frances there is nothing recommends itself to my mind so much as even handed justice he played me a trick once and i'll play him another she too played me a trick and now i can play her one my good fortune consists in this that i can kill the two birds with one stone you mean to kill them certainly i do why on earth should i let them off he did not let me off nor did she they think because i carry things in an easy manner that i take them easily i suffer as much as they do but they shall suffer as well as i the most pernicious doctrine i ever heard in my life said dick ross as he filled his mouth with cold chicken pie when you say pernicious have you any idea what you mean well yes awfully savage and all that kind of thing just utter cruelty and a bad spirit those are your ideas because you don't take the trouble to return evil for evil but then you never take the trouble to return good for good in fact you have no idea of duty only you don't like to burden your conscience with doing what seems to be ill-natured now if a man does me good i return it which i deem to be a great duty and if he does me evil i generally return that sooner or later there is some idea of justice in my conduct but there is none in yours do you mean to punish them both well yes as far as it is in my power both doubt said dick ross looking up with something like real sorrow depicted on his face but still he called for some green gauge part i like to get the better of my enemies said the baronet you like fruit pie i doubt you'd even give up fruit pie to save this woman i will said dick pushing the pie away from him the sacrifice would be all in vain i must write the letter today and as it has to be thought about i must begin it at once whatever happens do not let your good nature quarrel with your appetite he's a fiend a perfect fiend said dick ross as he sat dawdling over his cheese i wouldn't have his ill nature for all his money but he turned that sentiment over in his mind endeavoring to ascertain what he would do if the offer of the exchange were made to him for dick was very poor and at this moment was in great want of money sir frances went into the smoking room and sitting there alone with a cigar in his mouth meditated the letter which he would have to write the letter should be addressed to mr western and was one which could not be written without much forethought he not only must tell his story but must give some reason more or less plausible for the telling of it he did not think that he could at once make his idea of justice plain to mr western he could not put forth his case so clearly as to make the husband understand that all was done in fair honor and honesty but as he thought of it he came to the conclusion that he did not much care what impression he might leave on the mind of mr western and still less what impression he might leave on hers he might probably succeed in creating a quarrel and he was of opinion that mr western was a man who would not quarrel lightly but when he did would quarrel very earnestly having thought it all over with great deliberation he went upstairs and in twenty minutes had his letter written at a quarter past four he was at the waterloo station to see the departure of miss out if you are even he could perceive that she was somewhat brighter in her attire than when he had met her early in the morning he could not say what had been done but something had been added to please his eyes the gloves were not the same nor the ribbons and he thought that he perceived that even the bonnet had been altered her manner too was changed there was a careless ease and freedom about her which he rather liked and he took it in good part that miss altifiola had prepared herself for the interview though he were to be with her but for a few minutes and that she would be different from the miss altifiola as she had come away from the western breakfast table now there's one thing i want you to promise me she said as she gave him her hand anything on earth don't let mr western or cecilia know that you know about that he laughed and merely shook his head pray don't what's the good you'll only create a disturbance and misery poor dear cecilia has been uncommonly silly but i don't think that she deserves to be punished quite so severely i'm afraid i must differ from you there he said shaking his head is it absolutely necessary absolutely poor cecilia how can she have been so foolish he is of such a singular temperament that i do not know what the effect may be i wish you would think better of it sir frances and leave myself to stand in my present very uncomfortable position and that after such treatment as hers i have thought it all over and have found myself bound in honor to inform him and it is for the sake of letting you know that i have come here perhaps you may be called upon to say or do something in the matter i suppose it cannot be helped said miss alt viola with a sigh it cannot he replied poor dear cecilia she has brought it on her own head i must get into my train now as we are just off i am so much obliged to you for coming to see me start we shall meet each other before long he said as she again kissed her hand and took her departure miss alt viola could not but think what a happy chance it was that prevented his marriage with cecilia halt end of chapter 10 chapter 11 of kept in the dark this is a liver box recording all liver box recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit liver box dot org reading by matt parard kept in the dark by anthony trollop chapter 11 mr western here's the story it was the custom for mr western to come down into the library before breakfast and there to receive his letters on the morning after miss alt viola's departure he got one by which it may be said that he was indeed astonished it can seldom be the case that a man shall receive a letter by which he is so absolutely lifted out of his own world of ordinary contentment into another absolutely different and the world into which he was lifted was one black with unintelligible storms and clouds it was as though everything were suddenly changed for him the change was of a nature which altogether unmanned him had he been ruined that would have been as nothing in comparison the death of no friend so he told himself in the first moment of his misery could have so afflicted him he read the letter through twice and thrice and then sat silent with it in his hand thinking of it there could be but one relief but that relief must surely be forthcoming the letter could not be true how to account for its falsehood how to explain to himself that such a letter should have been written to him without any foundation for it without any basis on which such a story could be constructed he could not imagine to himself but he resolved not to believe it he saw that were he to believe it and to have believed it wrongly the offense given would be ineffable he should never dare to look his wife in the face again it was at any rate infinitely safer for him to disbelieve it he sat there mute immovable without a change of countenance without even a frown on his brow for a quarter of an hour and at the end of that time he got up and shook himself it was not true whatever might be the explanation it could not be true there was some foul plot against his happiness but whatever the nature of the plot might be he was sure that the story as told to him in that letter was not true and yet it was with a very heavy heart that he rose and walked off to his wife's room the letter ran as follows my dear mr. western i think it necessary that i should allude to a former little incident in my past life one that took place in the course of the last year only to account for the visit which i made to your house the other day and which was not i think very well taken i have no reason to doubt but that you are acquainted with all the circumstances indeed i look upon it as impossible that you should not be so but taking that for granted i have to explain my own conduct it seems but the other day that cecilia halt and i were engaged to be married mr. western when he came to this passage felt for a moment as though he had received a bullet in his heart all exeter knew the engagement and all exeter seemed to be well pleased i was staying with my brother-in-law the dean and had found miss halt very intimate at the denary it is not for me now to explain the way in which our engagement was broken through but your wife i do not doubt in telling you of the affair will have stated that she did not consider herself to have been ill used i am quite certain that she can never have said so even to yourself i do not wish to go into the matter in all its details but i am confident that she cannot have complained of me under these circumstances when i found myself living close to you and to her also i thought it better to call and to offer such courtesies as are generally held to be pleasant in a neighborhood it would i thought be much pleasanter to meet in that frank way than to go on cutting each other especially as there was no ground for quarrel on either side i have however learned sense that something has been taken amiss what is it if it be that i was before you that is too late to be mended you at any rate have won the prize and ought to be contented you also were engaged about the same time and my cousin has got your young lady it is i that him left out in the cold and i really do not see that you have any reason to be angry i have no wish to force myself upon you and if you do not wish to be gracious down at ascot then let there be an end of it yours truly francis geraldine he arose and went slowly upstairs to his wife's bedroom it was just the time when she would come down to breakfast and as his hand was on the block of the door she opened it to come out the moment she saw him she knew that her secret had been divulged she knew that he knew it and yet he had endeavored to eradicate all show of anger from his face as all reality of it from his heart he was sure was sure that the story was an infamous falsehood his wife his chosen one his cecilia to have been engaged a year ago to such a one as served francis geraldine to so pace so mean a creature and then to have married him without telling a word of it all to have kept him willfully carefully in the dark was studied premeditation so as to be sure of affecting her own marriage before he should learn it and that too when he had told her everything as to himself it certainly could not be and was not true she stood still holding the door open when she saw him there with the letter in his hand there was an instant certainty that the blow had come and must be born even should have killed her it was as though she were already crushed by the weight of it her own conduct appeared to her black with all its enormity though there had been so little done by her which was really a mess yet she felt that she had been guilty beyond the reach of pardon 12 months since she could have declared that she knew herself so well as to be sure that she could never tremble before anyone but all that was changed with her her very nature was changed she felt as though she were a guilty discovered and disgraced criminal she stood perfectly still looking him in the face but without a word and he his perceptions were not quick as hers and he still was determined to disbelieve Cecilia he said I have got a letter and he passed on into the room she followed him and stood with her hand resting on the shoulder of the sofa I have got a letter from Sir Francis Geraldine what does Sir Francis Geraldine say of me she replied had he been a man possessed of quick wit he would have perceived now that the letter was true there was confession in the very tone of her voice but he had come there determined that it was not true determined at any rate to act as though it were not true and it was necessary that he should go through the game as he had arranged to play it it is a base letter he said a foul lying letter but there is some plot in it of which I know nothing you can perhaps explain the plot maybe the letter is true she said standing there not submissive before him but still utterly miserable in her guilt it is untrue it cannot possibly be true it contains a damnable lie he says that 12 months since you were engaged to him as his wife why does he lie like that she stood before him quite quiet without the change of the muscle of her face do you understand the meaning of it all oh yes what is the meaning speak to me and explain it I was engaged to marry Sir Francis Geraldine just before I knew you it was broken off and then we went upon the continent there I met you oh George I have loved you so well I do love you so truly as she spoke she endeavored to take his hand in hers she made that one effort to be tender in obedience to her conscience but as she made it she knew that it would be in vain he rejected her hand without violence indeed but still with an assured purpose and walked away from her to the further side of the chamber it is true then yes it is true why should it not be true God in heaven and I to hear about it for the first time in such a fashion as this he comes to see you and because something does not go as he would have it he turns around and tells me his story but that he has quarreled with you now I should never have heard a syllable he had come up to her room determined not to believe a word of it and now suddenly there was no fault of which in his mind he was not ready to accuse her he had been deceived and she was to him a thing altogether different from that which he had believed her but she too was stung to wrath by the insinuation which his words contained she knew herself to be absolutely innocent in every respect except that of reticence to her husband though she was prepared to bear the weight of the punishment to which her silence had condemned her yet she was sure of the purity of her own conduct knowing his disposition she did not care to make light of her great fault but now something was added she hardly knew what of which she knew herself to be innocent something was hinted as to the friendship remaining between her and this man of which her husband in his pride should not have accused her what did he think that she had willingly received her late lover as her friend in his house and without his knowledge if he thought that then indeed must all be over between them i do not know what it is that you suspect you had better say it out at once is this letter true and he held the letter up in his hand i suppose it to be true i do not know what it contains but i presume it to be true you can read it and he threw the letter on the table before her she took it up and slowly passed her eyes over the words endeavoring as she did so to come to some determination as to what her conduct should be the purport of the words she did not fully comprehend so fully was her mind occupied with thinking of the condition of her husband's mind but they left upon her an impression that in the main Sir Francis Geraldine had told his story truly yes she said it is true before i had met you i was engaged to marry this other man our engagement was broken off and then mama and i traveled abroad together we there met you and then you know the rest and you thought it proper that i should be kept in the dark she remained silent she could not apologize to him after hearing the accusation which rankled in his bosom she could not go about to explain that the moment fittest for an explanation had never come she could not endeavor even to make him understand that because her story was so like his own hers had not been told she knew the comparative insignificance of her own fault and yet circumstances had brought it about that she must stand oppressed with this weight of guilt in his eyes as he should be just or unjust or rather merciful or unmerciful so must she endure or be unable to endure her doom i do not understand it he said with affected calm it is the case then that you have brought me into this position with premeditated falsehood and ever willfully deceived me as to your previous engagement no how then there has been no willful deceit no cause for deceit whatsoever you were engaged to marry the lady who is now mrs geraldine i was engaged to marry sir francis but i told you all you did it would have been impossible that i should have asked you to be mine without telling you the whole story she could not answer him she knew it to be true that he had told her and must have told her but for herself it had been so improbable that he had not known of her engagement and then there had been no opportunity no fitting opportunity she knew that she had been wrong foolish ill-judging but there had been nothing of that premeditated secrecy that secrecy with the cause of which he had hinted that she was guilty i suppose that i may take it as prove that i have been altogether mistaken this he said in the severest tone which he knew how to assume how mistaken i have believed you to be sweet and pure and innocent and true one in whom my spirit might refresh itself as a man bays his heated limbs in the cool water you were to have been to me the joy of my life my great treasure kept at home open to no eyes but my own a thing perfect in beauty to think of when absent and to be conscious of when present without even the need of expression let the wind come and the storm i said to myself i cannot be unhappy because my wife is my own there is an external grace about you which was to my thinking only the culture of the woman within well well it was a dream i had better have married that little girl she was silly and soon loved someone better but she did not deceive me and i have i deceived you he paused before he answered her and then spoke as though with much thought yes he said yes where how i do not know i cannot pretend even to guess i shall probably never know i shall not strive to know but i do know that you have deceived me there has been nay there is a secret between you and one whom i regard as among the basis of men of which i have been kept purposely in ignorance there is no such secret you were engaged to be his wife that at any rate has been kept for me he has been here as your friend and when he came into my house the purport of his visit was kept from me he asked for something which was refused and consequently he has written to me for what did he ask ask for nothing what was there for him to ask i do not know i cannot even pretend to guess as i read his letter there must have been something but it does not matter while you have seen to me to be one thing you have been another you have been acting apart from the first moment in which we met and have kept it up all through with admirable consistency you are not that sweetly innocent creature which i had believed you to be she knew that she was all that he had fancied her but she could not say so she had understood him thoroughly when he had told her that she had been to him the cool water in which the heated man might bathe his limbs that she was the treasure to be kept at home even in her misery something of delight had come to her senses as she heard him say that the position described to her had been exactly that which it had been her ambition to fill she knew that in spite of all that had come and gone she was still fit to fill it there had been nothing not a thought to mar her innocence her purity her woman's tenderness she was all his and he was certain to know every thought of her mind and every throb of her heart she did believe that if he could read them all he would be perfectly satisfied but she could not tell him that it was so words so spoken will be the sweetest that can fall into a man's ear if they be believed but let there come but the shadow of a doubt over the man's mind let him question the sincerity of a tone and the words will become untrue mockish and distasteful a thing perfect in beauty how was she to say that she would be that to him and yet understanding her error as she had done with a full intelligence she could have sworn that it should be so the beauty he had spoken of was not simply the sheen of her loveliness nor the grace of her form it was the entirety of her feminine attraction including the purity of her soul which was in truth still there in all its perfection but she could not tell him that he was mistaken in doubting her now he had told her that she was not perfection but she could not tell him that he was mistaken in doubting her now he had told her that she was not that innocent creature which he had believed her to be what was she to do how was she to restore herself to his favor but through it all there was present to her an idea that she would not humble herself too far to the extent of the sin which she had committed she would humble herself if she knew how to do that without going beyond it but further than that injustice both to him and to herself she would not go if you have condemned me she said there must be an end of it for the present condemned you do you not condemn yourself have you attempted any word of excuse have you given any reason why i should have been kept in the dark your friend miss altifiola knew it all i presume yes she knew it all and you would not have had her here if you could have avoided it lest she could tell me that is true i wish to be the first to tell myself and yet you had never whispered a word of it miss altifiola and sir frances it seems our friends cecilia only shook her head i heard yesterday at the station that they had gone to london together i presume they are friends quickly the idea passed through mrs. western's mind that miss altifiola had been unfruit to her she had kept her word to the letter in not have told him that secret to her husband but she had discussed the whole matter with sir frances and the letter which sir frances had written was the result i do not know she said if they be more to each other than chance acquaintance i do not know it from week to week and from day to day before our marriage the thing went on and the opportunity never came something would always fall from you which made me afraid to speak at that moment then we were married and i found how wrong i had been i still resolved to tell you but put it off like a coward from day to day your sister had heard of my first engagement did bertha know it yes and like myself she was surprised that you should be so ignorant she might well be surprised then i resolved to tell you i would not do it till that other woman had left the house i would not have her by to see your anger and now this is the way in which the history of your formal life has reached my ears as he said this he held out in his hand the fatal letter this is the manner in which you have left me to be informed of a subject so interesting i first hear from sir frances geraldine that he and you a twelve month since we're engaged together as men and wife here she stood quite silent she did not care to tell him that it was more than twelve months since that you think to be becoming i do not think so that you failed to be compatible with my happiness here again there was a pause during which she looked full into his face such is not my idea my happiness is wrecked it is gone here he made a motion with his hand as though to show that all his bliss had flown away from him oh george if you love me do not speak like that love you yes i love you i do not suppose that love can be made to go at once as i find that esteem may do and respect and veneration oh george those are hard words is it not so this morning you were to me of all god's creatures the brightest and the best when i entered your room just now it was so that i regarded you can you now be the brightest and the best has not all that romance been changed at a moment's notice but alas love does not go after the same fashion then he turned shortly round and left the room she remained confounded and awestruck there had been that about him which seemed to declare a subtle purpose as though he had intended to leave her forever she sat perfectly still thinking of it thinking of the injustice of the sentence that had been pronounced upon her though she had deserved much she had not deserved this though she had expected punishment she had not expected punishment so severe in about 20 minutes her maid came up to her and with a grave face asked whether she would wish that breakfast should be sent to her in her own room mr. western had sent to ask the question yes said she if he pleases there could be no good in attempting to conceal from the servants a misery so deep and so lasting as this end of chapter 11