 As we've discussed in some previous videos now, conflict can be a real challenge in relationships when you're paddling against one another, when you're working at cross-purposes. So whenever possible, it's really to the benefit of everybody to kind of work together, to put your heads together and try and figure out a solution that's going to be plausible and work for everyone. And so with that, what we want to work on then is what we would call collaborative conflict management. And there's some steps that we can take to kind of enhance this collaborative effort. So let's talk about that for a minute and kind of the ideal conflict situation, not always appropriate for every situation, but when it is, it can be a real benefit. So what do we mean when we say collaboration? Let's be very clear on this. Collaboration is conflict resolution that fully satisfies the need or concerns of all involved parties. Collaboration is not compromise. By definition, in compromise, everybody's giving up something in compromise, which can in the long run lead to some resentment and things like that in collaboration. Everybody gets what they want. You work together. You put your heads together. You put your hands together. You put your ideas together to figure out a way that everybody gets what they want. As you'll recall from a previous video, and we looked at this on the sort of scale of concern for self and concern for others, collaborating ranked highest on both of those things. It shows a high degree of concern for yourself because you are getting fully what you want, but so are the other people. And so working together and collaborating, even though it may be a challenge, maybe difficult is the best long term resolution for conflict, particularly for an issue that's substantial for all parties involved. If it's something minor, then it may not be worth the hassle, may not be worth the effort. You may be willing to give up some things or just let the other person have their way through accommodating or whatever. And if there's scarce resources, if there's not enough to go around and you just can't do it, then you may have to engage in competing. But in a situation where those aren't the cases, where there are plenty of resources and there's a way to find somehow to get everybody everything they want, collaborating can be the best long term solution for conflict management. So what does that process look like to engage in collaborating? Well, collaboration and practice, it has multiple steps and again, that's why it's kind of a hassle at times, but it can be worth it in the long run. But it starts with, first of all, defining your needs. What is it that you're looking for? It's hard to know if you're getting everything you want out of that situation and being fully satisfied with the resolution if you don't know what your needs are. So you first have to very clearly decide for yourself what is it that I'm trying to get out of this situation. Then we have to be willing to share those needs with other people. It's hard for others to work with us in helping us achieve those needs and satisfy those goals if they don't know what they are. So we have to be prepared and willing to very clearly share those needs with other people in an assertive, but not aggressive way. Just telling them, look, this is what I need in this situation. This is what would work for me. And you know, so this is what I need. Then we also have to be willing to turn it around and say, okay, what are your needs? Because again, it's going to be hard for us to find some collaborative solution if we don't know what that other person is looking for. So we have to be willing to really effectively listen and use our best active listening skills to understand what their needs are and how those might mesh with ours and how we might go about finding both of those. In order to do that, then, once we've identified our own needs and the needs of the other person, then we can start to generate some possible solutions. You just brainstorm, you throw out any idea you can think of. It doesn't matter how wacky they are, how crazy they are, you can just, you just share in ideas because you never know where a good idea is going to come from. So you just generate as many possible solutions as you can. Even if that involves building a spaceship and traveling to the moon, you write it down. Are you going to choose that one? Probably not. But still, you're generating any possible idea that you can. Then as part of that, then you're going to have to narrow down there. You're going to get rid of some of the sillier ones. You're going to evaluate these ideas and you're going to choose one to try. And hopefully that will then satisfy both of your needs, but you're going to evaluate the different solutions that you've come up with that you've generated. Then you're going to choose one, evaluate them all, choose one and then try to implement that. So then you're implementing the solution. You're trying it out. It's sort of a trial and error basis here, but you're going to put it into effect and see whether or not it serves both parties' needs and satisfies the goals of everyone who's involved. Now, it's important that as we do this, that we continue then to follow up because this is sort of a trial and error thing. We need to follow up and say, okay, is this meeting my needs? Is this meeting your needs? And if so, great. We keep going with it. If not, then we may need to go back to the drawing board a little bit at some level, whether that's generating more solutions or just evaluating the ones that we've, again, that we've already come up with, but we have to be willing to follow up. And then if necessary, and as necessary, go back and try something else if it's not working for either party or if all the parties aren't getting their goals satisfied then. So there are these steps and they sound pretty straightforward. It can be complicated. It can be time consuming. It can be draining. But again, this serves as more of a cure for conflict rather than a band-aid like compromise or competing. Sometimes you get the wind portion of it, but it doesn't fully satisfy everyone involved and can lead to some lingering ill feelings or people not being really satisfied with the results. So when it's appropriate and when it's effective collaboration is a much better option for curing that conflict rather than just slapping a band-aid on it. So how we've talked about what you can do to collaborate in coming to a solution for these these conflict situations. And so hopefully now you have a better idea of what it would take to work through to a final resolution that would be satisfactory for everyone involved. You have questions about anything related to conflict, but in particular collaborative conflict resolution. Please feel free to email me and be happy to chat with you about that at any time. In the meantime, I hope that you will be aware of the importance of collaboration, the power of collaboration and using it when appropriate when you're engaged in conflict.