 So today we're going to talk about why guys go silent and I'm literally going silent right now and what you should do about it because this seems to be a progressive trend and certainly for many of you that are connected through your devices and meeting online and that sort of thing and there happens to be a significant shift in communication and I want to dive into that because Unlike before we had our devices. We actually communicated more face to face and we communicated over the phone and so back then, you know, it would be just you know Not returning a phone call would happen. Well, now it's not returning a text or not engaging in Conversation it was a little bit different when we had telephones and we were more in the same proximity with one another and yet today People are going silent. They're ghosting. They're disappearing and I think it's important that we understand why this happens and what to do about it Okay, so let's differentiate between the early stages of dating versus more of a seasoned relationship where someone goes silent So if you've only gone on a handful of face-to-face dates with someone. Oh, we should include Long distance communication where someone goes silent. So we'll cover all three But let's start with what I just shared with you Those where you've gone on three or four or five or six dates with someone and all of a sudden you notice their pattern of Communication with you has shifted what I mean to say is in the beginning There was a lot of communication mostly through text messaging and Then you noticed a shift and and ladies I'm sure tell me if this doesn't feel true You can literally tell the moment or very quickly when this shift of energy has occurred Okay You can because you noticed a pattern interrupt So let's talk about those men who are you know communicating with you Incessantly and all of a sudden it shifts now a lot of times this happens right after men have had sex with you And and I know this happened for me in my early stage of dating after my divorce over a decade and a half ago I found myself when I was interested in a woman I was amped up on lust or limerence and if you're not familiar with the word limerence I highly recommend you Google it. It's extreme infatuation I know in those early stages when I met someone in the chemical rush of testosterone and oxytocin and the pheromones and estrogen and and dopamine Made me in more Communicative than I normally am because in this space you're trying to actually unconsciously hook this person and that's where a lot of intense communication occurs and then after sex All of a sudden and this happened a number of times I found myself going why don't I like this person anymore now? It's not that I disliked the person but I no longer had those same intense feelings the minute I ejaculate it. I and I'm not suggesting I was being disingenuous in the beginning It's just all of a sudden there was a shift and by the way the word chemistry comes from the word chemical So earlier when I said dopamine when I said testosterone these are chemicals in our brain that are released in our body and Dopamine is just like crack cocaine And so the minute that it was satisfied that dopamine hit of once you've had sex with someone was satisfied All of a sudden you're left with your baseline Do I actually have serotonin with this person and I want you to Google serotonin? But serotonin is the drug is the love drug. It's where we actually feel love Versus the dopamine hit, which is the lust drug Okay, so lust is the desiring of a sexual experience and serotonin is is the loving experience Okay, now I'm not saying I was even aware of this all I'm all of a sudden I knew I wasn't interested in this person anymore and in that space of Uncertainty I went silent Because now I'm I'm I'm stuck with going. Oh shoot. What am I gonna do here? What am I supposed to say to this person? I just made these all these sub I made all these promises of some future with this person Or at least Intimated I had a future with this person By the way, if you've ever watched the bachelor It's interesting how the bachelor does the same thing, you know, they get to the Fantasy sweet weeks and he's with three women and he's all saying I could fall in love with you I could fall in love with you. I am falling in love with you to three women at the same time in the same week But then he has to choose one He he's expressing what he could do or what he is feeling and yet at some point He has to make a decision and that changes will now coming back to silence in those early stages That silence is that space of going I don't know what to do next and I don't want to hurt this person. So what do a lot of men do they do what's called the dysfunctional moonwalk the dysfunctional moonwalk so One of the things I have my clients do and you can try this as well is when you notice that shift of energy But you're having that, you know surface conversation. How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day seems like most people just have these surface conversations So I have initiated with my clients that they do the following Once there's been in a con you a shift of energy. You simply reach out via text and saying Hey Tim or whoever the name is Zach You know, I've enjoyed our time to get to you to getting to know one another and I like you and yet now I feel like my gut is telling me you're lukewarm about me is my gut right Now that's a very sincere thing to say How he responds usually will give you insight into if if whether or not he's gonna progress the relationship forward So most times this is the dysfunctional moonwalk men say look, I'm really busy. I have a busy life I've got to raise children. I've got work I'm busy busy busy busy because busy is an easy way to say I'm not interested in a relationship It's kind of fascinating though because the guy will be on a dating app the next morning Or he's probably already exist on the dating apps looking for the next fix because that's what dating is It's an addiction for many men. They need this fix of companionship connection and sex Without any real desire for commitment and one of the reasons why when women work with me There's a link to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you My job is to teach you radical honesty My job is to teach you to lay your cards on the table and more importantly the rules of engagement Before you ever have sex with a man So the second thing that could happen is by sending out this message You might find that he genuinely likes you and there was a Situational thing happened that caused him to temporarily pull back. Okay, so what do you do? You initiate conversation To see where his baseline is Now I talked about this also whether or not you're communicating in most likely a long distance relationship Where a lot of your communication is via text message and there isn't a lot of telephone calls And there hasn't been a face-to-face The reality is is when you engage in what I call cyber Relationships that are mostly done through our devices He could actually be talking to multiple people at the same time you even though he might seem Genuine in his messages. He might be sharing some of his problems He might seem like he's vulnerable the reality is is it's not real until it's real I gotta share with you, you know, a lot of you are engaged in these You know fantasy delusional relationships because Because all you're doing is communicating via the phone you're communicating via text messaging and you're not actually Engaging in a real relationship and again real is a relative term, but I'm talking a real day-in day-out Relationship are you a woman who wants a day-in day-out relationship if you truly want a day-in? What is day-in day-out? It's seeing each other a cup two three or four times a week. It's shared activities. It's hobbies It's mutual interest. It's spending time with family and friends. It's traveling together It's teamwork building schools both in your personal and your professional life. It's intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy And leading to either moving in together or getting married Folks is this what you really want and if you're watching this video right now Ask yourself or if that is what you truly want are you if are use one of those women that's engaging in a cyber Relationship stand in your power and say I respect myself too much To agree to such that kind of relationship and especially men who say I don't like talking on the telephone That's a bunch of BS. Let me say this ladies a Man who genuinely wants to explore a relationship He will progress the relationship forward which includes talking on the telephone Now I know many of you are dating in midlife and midlife is challenging. I get it It's challenging because most of us come to the table with luggage used to be called baggage Sometimes it's our children could be problematic. Sometimes it could be a problematic X Sometimes it could be Issues at work. Sometimes it could be health issues The reality is is we are we come to the table with a lot of luggage And so really you have to ascertain Can your luggage if you have luggage and he has luggage can it fit together? And you can you build a strong bond with one another and this is tricky because you're meeting strangers Now a moment. I'll talk about what to do if you're in a more seasoned relationship at the same time I want to lean into this we're meeting total strangers. It's imperative to Assertain quickly What is this person's true intentions? Because here's the reality Since meeting Murray there's my picture of my sweetheart and I I think we're in Cartagena, Colombia where she was born From the moment we had our third date If you will I mean technically we didn't date because we were long distance But the third time we physically saw each other was by the way was within Two weeks of our first initial meaning we had a second meaning and then two weeks later We spent a three four days together. Okay from that moment on I clearly knew I wanted to explore a relationship with What did I do? I progressed the relationship by having vulnerable authentic Transparent conversations with her. That's radical honesty I included laying my cards on the table and also what I call rules of engagement The rules of engagement was if we were going to explore this these this is how I'd like to see it progressed I look beyond The first that I look beyond dating. I said look at this from six months out What should what would this look like? Folks many of you dating men who are absolutely clueless They're either users or they're what I call spenders and spenders want to spend time with you They want companionship. They want connection. They want sex But without any real sense of commitment and the users are the love bombers. They're the Players they're the narcissist. They just want to use you for their benefit. They're also entitled women and and Women who are looking for sugar daddies. Those are the users, okay? They're using you for their benefit the spenders are Oftentimes clueless to the fact that they're they're so fearful of commitment They're so fearful of something deeper that they can only go on the surface. This is why a lot of guys say I need to take it slow What is taking it slow taking this listen I'm here to offer an alternate way of looking at this and this is based on watching reality TV And I'm not a big proponent of reality TV except for a study on human behavior Two particular shows love is blind and married at first sight These are two shows that they physically don't meet each other But engage in either a marriage or an engagement and what they have to do is live together for 30 days To see if this makes sense Folks, let's think about this When you live with someone you truly get to know them, you know what they say it take You know, you really don't know a person until you live with them And yet our current dating marketplace is a strung-out version of what I call friends with benefits It's a long drawn-out version of seeing each other a little bit here a little bit there And many of you aren't engaging in each other's life Folks when a man genuinely is interested in you and he Genuinely wants commitment. He wants to engage in your life And by the way men are territorial So they want you off the marketplace fairly quickly and they want to covet you as soon as possible Whether he's a user a spender or a grower builder and the grower builders are those men Who genuinely want a significant relationship in their life? They want to either live together with someone they want to get married or they want to spend Significant time together to get to that stage Okay, how do you vet for those men folks? If you're not good at screen vetting if you're not good at screening if you're not good at filtering then work with me That's my job to help you with that and Guess what? Let's be real if you're following my channel. There's a good chance you want a life partner Okay, you want a life partner and the reality is dating sucks and the odds are against you the older We are the odds are against us finding that juicy delicious healthy happy relationship. I want to help put the odds in your favor So you're with a man that you've been together for a bit of time And he goes silent ask yourself Do we have a healthy happy relationship? Ask yourself? Do we have a healthy happy relationship? If the answer is no Then you have to look back and say did we establish deep trust with one another? Did we establish the rules of engagement? Did we establish what it is? we're seeking and if the answer is no Then that silence is really a disconnect From what you didn't do from early on This is the time to say look are you in or out? Do you want to progress something forward? You know because ladies as we age the days in front of us are shorter than the days behind us This is why I always say before you get physically intimate with someone have that Real radically honest conversation And you've many of you have been sold on to the idea of the third date rule basically men You know won't be interested in you after having if they won't be interested in you on a fourth or fifth or sixth date If they haven't had sex with you That's true for non-committal men. That's true for men who are users That's true for spenders, but a man who's genuinely a grower and a builder This is the person who wants companionship connections sex and commitment He has no problem working at your pace to establish a deeper relationship and deeper like You know I was shot a video the other day and it says men fall in love when they've actually developed deep Intimacy with someone a person that they truly believe they can share their most intimate thoughts and feelings as if they're their best friend And lover combined and yes sex is part of the decision making process No doubt for for men and women alike, but the same time If you want to avoid those men who go silent that I encourage you to very early on Establish emotional intimacy with someone and if you're not familiar with emotional intimacy, I highly recommend Checking out the book by Robert Masters called emotional intimacy Read this book and this is a thick book Ladies just because you have intimate relationships with friends doesn't necessarily mean you know the mechanics to intimacy and let me just say this You are the emotional leader of the relationship I know you'd love to just sit back in your feminine energy and let them I and drive the bus Most men are clueless. They're winging it You have to drive the bus of emotional intimacy and that will build the stronger bond with one of you The two of you so you don't have to wait Let me reframe that you don't have to experience silence in a more seasoned relationship and by the way Once you're in a seasoned relationship, you know taking a break every now and again doesn't hurt And what I mean to say is taking a step back and evaluating and I always Recommend to all my clients that are a more seasoned relationship to do what's called a check-in conversation Marie and I right now once a month We have a practice where we check in with one another emotionally and we talk about the uncomfortable things Or if there is any uncomfortable things To help progress our relationship forward because we're fully Committed to this and so we don't need to go silent for to one another is this making sense Is this resonating with you? Please let me know. Please post a comment below. Please hit that like button Please share this video with friends Please subscribe to my channel and if you want some support in the description below you can schedule a discovery call with me You can join my group for less than twenty dollars a month You can check out the books I recommend and you can follow me on Instagram as well I hope you found value in this conversation of what to do when a man goes silent and also Understanding why this happens so frequently. All right. I'm gonna wrap up this videos I always do first off give myself a big gigantic job the bearer of self-love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone that a teddy bear pillow give it or them a hug of love That's hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now. Bye