 This is Debbie Dashinger Dare to Dream podcast and first I just want to say I got really exciting news yesterday And it definitely involves you my listeners and my viewers So thank you so much for believing in the show I've been on air for over 12 years massively syndicated and I got news last night that this show I knew previously that I was nominated for two People's Choice podcast awards What I found out last night is that Dare to Dream is a finalist. This is a big deal I don't need to name names think names of the biggest podcast that you know of and That's who I'm up against So I am in the entertainment category because if you know anything about Various awards. They always have really interesting names for categories that don't generally stick So it's okay I think the show is massively entertaining and educational and frankly a masterclass because of who I have on So I just wanted to thank you because any award that comes my way is completely an award for you guys too the show It's symbiotic, right? I have to have you in order for this show to survive Thank you always and by the way way beyond surviving thriving, you know Just really being my joy spot every week and thank you for writing in letting me know the things you think about when you hear people I love reading what you have to say I love seeing what gets illuminated inside of you and the things you start doing by virtue of listening and watching So keep writing know that I see everything and know it's so encouraging and meaningful So that said also, I want to give a really big shout out to duck being here and access consciousness for sponsoring the show dr. Dane here Hbr.com and access consciousness. They do energy healing work all around the world So any country you're in you can look them up. They've got products online They've got classes that introduce you and then they've got in person classes. This is stuff that gets taken care of and healed in the moment Love it My question to you is what if you could overcome the obstacles that prevent you from living a fulfilled life? Well, my guest today is a new Gupta He is a world expert on relationships and happiness Anil has coached some of the most famous celebrities like Mike Tyson top athletes CEOs and he's been a guest speaker with Richard Branson on Necker Island Anil enjoys helping people overcome obstacles that prevent them from living a fulfilled life Anil has appeared on stages all over the world and Recently he was a keynote speaker in Medellin in front of 10,000 raving fans He's appeared at Harvard on a number of occasions and is a guest speaker on Fox News as well as the best-selling international author of immediate happiness along with other published articles Anil Gupta is here today to talk about how we can have a dramatic and positive impact on our lives if you want to know more about him go to immediate happiness Com Anil Welcome to the show. It's so great to have you. No, thank you It's taken so long to get to you, but we were imagine Connected totally I want to start with your shirt and I may have to post a picture here a little bit later of the two of us And you are wearing that shirt this beautiful black shirt with this big red heart You may have to pick your heart up a little bit for us to see all of it. There you go What's the story why that shirt why is that you're branding and marketing? well I believe the house and as I was leaving the house my wife would say are you really going out like that? I had no stress sense So I said I guess not so and she would come back with me. She would dress me and I thought I can't be doing this I'm a grown man sort of So I thought, you know, what's the easiest thing to do here? So, well, I'll just wear black, you know Then there can be no arguments I was like, okay, that's fine. That's a little bit boring Then what could I do to make Make me stand out or you know, what do I stand for stand for love? What's the symbol of love? Heart great. So I thought I'll put a heart shape on my shoulder You know the saying is, you know, you wear your heart on your shoulder I thought well You know, what would be better than that? So I thought why not put it here To symbolize love and I thought well, it's gonna look funny. I thought well, I'm in if you don't try you don't get So I printed some shirts and they looked amazing That's for the last four or five years. That's all I've been wearing I must tell people I don't have just one shirt. I have So I do change them. This is version four And I'm sure whomever it is you're paying for the long sleeve version the short sleeve version I hope you have stock in the company I'm sure they're doing well I make make them up, but I have a word exclusive for you. Yeah, please. Yes. Love it So my wife and I were here in Phuket. It's five a.m in the morning here And we passed a tattoo shop. She said, oh, I'd love to have a tattoo My wife has never ever said anything like that And she said, well, I said if you're gonna have one, I'll have one But I had a tattoo done. No one has ever seen this. So this is the first time Okay, I'll show it to you. Yeah Can you see it? Oh I love it It's perfect. So if if you forget to wear your black shirt, you still have your heart on your sleeve You're all set That's awesome. Did it hurt? It did, but um, you know what? As I was I was doing the tattoo the guy said no no no pain. No gain. I thought fair enough Touche Yeah, well good for you That's cool. Thank you for sharing that exclusive with us Very interesting. You would have done that because at 16 years old This is pre tattoos by the way the only people who had tattoos Back then were sailors or truck drivers and at 16 years old I desperately wanted to get a red heart exactly what you got. Oh really? Yes, precisely And my friends took me out and did a whole religious number on me, you know They bastardized the jewish religion and said if you do that it says If you mark your arm you have to cut off your arm, of course That's nothing with the bible really meant but they really like Made me straighten up and fly right so it took me decades later for me to do something and Who knows I still may do that. I may get a matching one But I went ahead and did this at some point. Oh, yeah, there are actually 3d butterflies Because I wanted to get something to represent my highest value which was freedom That's that beautiful and that you know, that's that's what really people are seeking They but what they look what they are Searching for it's financial freedom But freedom is way beyond financial freedom because with freedom you have financial freedom But with financial freedom, you don't have freedom necessarily Yes I agree 100% very interesting I'm interviewing ken Honda coming up Jap japan's and millionaire and this is something he makes very clear One thing doesn't necessarily equate to the other and it's really important to understand. What are your values first? And what does freedom mean to you not everybody has a value for freedom? But I think for someone like me who loves to travel and has a bit of a free spirit Doesn't like to be confined or suffocated needs a lot of space and You know people who don't give me a hard time. Frankly just say yeah, it's great. Go do that go do that It it works really well for my life And that's a huge value to have the money To assist to be able to do that is also very helpful It is There's a there's a fine line and there is a formula I've developed for fulfillment stroke freedom Which I'd love to share with the audience and they can immediately apply that in their lives Brilliant. Yes, I'm all ears and all pen Okay, so the freedom stroke fulfillment equals g cubed g times g times g And the first g is you have to give Give your time Your energy your love Your commitment your joy Your gift Your money Basically give you away without and wanting anything when you return So you'll you'll see a lot of people who are So-called givers, but they're not really givers because they want something in return and then they get What's the word? burnt out Yeah, we're thankful burnt out angry frustrated when they say well, I keep on giving I keep on giving but I don't get you know, I I don't get anything back. Well, that's your problem So if you want to give give freely without wanting anything back And in that moment you surrender to that you get something back Beautiful. So give freely with surrender Give of your time give of your energy of your love of your commitment of your joy of your gift of your money Give you away Because when when when if you don't give yourself away the ego comes in and that's where all the pain starts The second G You have to be grateful for what you have And don't focus on what you don't have so people are often think of this Someone else has got a better house a better car a better financial system or sit A situation blah blah blah But they forget what they have and if you always compare It'll always be painful even if you're a billionaire. I've coached billionaires and some of them are A little bit resentful. They think of the other person that has more money. He's he's a lot harder, but that's not always the case Uh, the the the joy doesn't come from how much you have It's through this formula Giving and gratitude being grateful for what you have So here's a really simple exercise that I can you can share with all your readers listeners is if you just look at your hands Right now if you look at them, when was the last time you thanked them? That makes me sad like I don't know I think my body yesterday a lot. I do appreciate how amazing and healthy and strong it is but to You know break it down like this. Yeah, I don't remember You wouldn't be able to show off your beautiful rings You wouldn't be able to operate the machinery to get this podcast going You wouldn't be able to caress the people that you love So, you know, these are the things that are the valuable things in life Wow, that's beautiful powerful. So to be grateful as the second step Grateful for what you have without putting attention on what it is we perceive We don't have but to see what actually is and have gratitude for that Yeah, and the third G is you have to grow Emotionally physically But not big or necessarily Yeah, I have to learn that one spiritually and mentally Hmm, I think that one would be challenging for a lot of people The biggest one is emotional The emotional one You know, because it's Uh, it's something that they haven't been taught how to handle themselves as human beings. We were never given a manual And that that's their problem They they have to learn from their parents and if their parents are Disfunctional and their parents come from dysfunctional families there's a lot of pain and Tools that they haven't been able to Uh gain from their parents So that they often bring down a lot of pain and frustration and resentment Uh, which isn't conducive to a beautiful life So the next is to grow emotionally Um, physically maybe health wise or exercise wise spiritually and mentally So that means to be quite open because life comes to us all the time whether we like it or not Change is always present and in order to be masterful At that and in order to have the life of our dreams. This one is so essential Right. We must have the fluidity within us Just to also go back to number two be grateful for all we have and be and do that's really working and clicking And those pieces that are coming up begging to be healed May may not be so pretty sometimes but to be okay to take that on as part of this journey Yeah, and you know the biggest issue most people have is forgiveness Yeah People think that forgiving someone is letting the other person win, but it's nothing to do with them It's about giving you the freedom and I call forgiveness the express pathway to freedom Say that again the expressed Uh forgiveness is the express pathway to freedom Oh The express like being on the express driving quickly Pathway to freedom holy moly explain more please So the quality of your life is dependent on the depth and authenticity of the forgiveness You extend to yourself and to others So when you forgive you get a sudden download of joy and a release of a big burden a release of pain in the shoulders in the body And it's a freeing moment. So that's the fastest way To get to a beautiful place if you have someone that has hurt you or you won't let go or you won't forgive And we all have it in some form or another Um just doing that forgiveness will release so much joy in such a quick fashion That's interesting. Yeah lack of forgiveness creates a lot of blockages Have you done this yourself in your life? Have you had a big kahuna a big moment where you Had to really face the music and forgive somebody Well, it was me. It was uh november 2008 Oh what happened there It was um, it was me november 2008 Uh, I lost everything on the stock market in real estate And we I I didn't feel I had a way out. So I I contemplated suicide And fortunately I was invited to an event run by tony robbins and he was able to do an intervention on me His wife did a couple of interventions and his wife's Uh, brother did a couple of interventions on me and my wife, uh, obviously that's been and helped me And I I was beating myself up not just emotionally but physically. I would beat myself up with my fists. I would uh Do all sorts of things because you know being a high chief. I wanted to make sure that I did Oh, uh, I the big thing I had to do was to forgive myself and it wasn't easy because uh, I had 47 years of uh issues that so to speak Uh, but at the end I had to disappear and realize this is my life. It's not about me It's about the difference I made And that helped me a lot and I did one thing that helped me which is to serve I started helping people and in the moment you give authentically all the pain and stuff disappears So that's one thing that how did you help people? Um, were you doing? Volunteer service or how did you show up? Yeah, I did some volunteering. I did some free coaching. I helped people, uh, you know, the smallest things open doors Picking up the paper off the floor Helping all sorts of societies the rotary club as a member of the rotary club So we'd have events that we would be holding And it was amazing Sure Wow So they do an intervention You're really down on your luck something turns around and you make a choice. Okay. I'm gonna keep going Your way through and out is a being of service And if there are people who are listening to you right now and feel like wow life is really getting me down And I'm having a lot of challenges Where can they start so they can start getting some relief some footing or an anchor if you will Well, uh, I would start with Something that I did was to give you know, even giving someone a compliment thanking a friend a teacher a family member a friend For something that they did for them or even say thank you for being in my life In that moment you thank them you disappear and your focus is on someone else and when you disappear your pain disappears Uh, the second thing I would do is ask them to write down 50 things 50 things that they're grateful for and at the beginning it'll be hard Uh, and that's that's one of the reasons that they're facing that they don't have an exercise that muscle so, uh, but I'd also halfway To uh, notice how they feel when they give authentically Notice how they feel as they write down those lucky things And where do they go from there? So they start serving start giving finding ways that they can do this without any attachment They take the time to write out at least 50 things that they can really feel gratitude and thankfulness for And then what what do they do? Well, just be aware of how they feel and As they feel better The energy levels go up and they get more power And something beautiful will happen eventually They'll get to see what they love to do And then they'll start doing more of what they love to do. What happens? You're sad or depressed. You stop doing the things you love to do dancing singing Uh, whatever it is artwork craft work Whatever it is that you love to do play sports. Oh, that was the other thing I started to do I started playing tennis again and uh, that helped me a lot because I was surrounded by friends And if you if you're playing tennis, you have to be mindful So you have to do what you love It's very interesting. I before I got on radio over 12 years ago I was a professional actress singer and voice over artists. I did cartoons And when I got into radio and started writing books and teaching classes about visibility and how to write and how to be interviewed and Suddenly I found that I was at a crossroads. I had to make a choice. I was singing with a jazz band I was singing with a big band I had already let go of my acting career at a mindful choice But now the singing came up And I thought well, I there's just not enough of me. So I had to say to my band. I love you. It's been amazing, but This is the path i'm taking right now and I never thought about it And in fact, what's very interesting is most people who have come to know me within these past 12 years of podcasting and writing They don't even know that that exists As it's such a former life for me. They don't even know me as that they don't know me as an actress they don't know me as a singer and lately when I go to a performance And I see somebody saying there's a little part of me that just sort of wants to go like Get out of the way Give me the mic who longs for that feeling again? and I was asked there's something in Los Angeles called the greater good party It's an amazing group of people get together with very transformational speakers And it is to create great good at a time when the planet and the people really need it. So who they attract is amazing and I would say 12 hours before the function. I received a text saying so sorry. This is so late I never knew you were a singer, but somebody called you out. We need someone to sing us in will you You can imagine like my Cheers That's a big muscle, right? And I'm like this is your yes. This is your moment to say yes Because as you're saying this is something I love it was always part of my wheelhouse great joy brings great joy So I said, yeah, I'm doing it and I figured I'll figure out the song I don't have a lot of time to put into this which is actually quite good. So I sang And now I I have this feeling um, I wanted there's a studio that I know about and I want to go down there And just you know buy it for an hour or two and sing sing into microphones And I miss it and I never knew I'd say that but it's up right now. It's up for me to do and be again Okay, so When are you going to do that by Yeah, so I'm leaving town this week to speak on stage and when I come back Uh, I think the following friday I can do it So not this friday, but a week from Okay, so uh By the 20th Okay, so You agree by the 20th of september that you will have booked One hour studio time. I'm gonna do it today. Yeah Now I'd like to hear a tune right now Yeah I'm sorry only only a meal. Okay You've got to give a little Take a little And let your poor heart break a little That's the story uh That's the glory of love Wow No, it it changes so many lives with these tunes Well, thank you for asking me. That was a pleasure. I am so curious you started out in yellow In 2008, this is a big story, right? You literally virtually hit the wall of self And decide it's not worth it Fortunately you go to this experience with tony robbins He gets involved his wife gets involved his brother-in-law gets involved your wife gets involved and ta-da you choose these new pieces of service of playing tennis of finding what you love and starting to Come back to yourself or reinvent yourself out in the world and then fast forward to who you beat today Huge change who you are who you work with And what you deliver so I I just have some questions about where you're functioning right now And the first one I'm curious if you have healing abilities Because I know the level which you engage with people Is that something you don't talk about and you have or what is it that allows you to suss people out and help them? You know In 2000 tony robbins said to me anil. Why don't you coach for a living? And I said I looked him. I said what are you talking about? I've got a business I used to be an eye doctor But he saw a greatness in me that I didn't see And when I was an eye doctor people would ask me for advice Just general advice and I would tell them they would come back and say anil that was amazing I said of course it was but the thing is I realized much later on in life that I was a genius Because what I find so easy that other people find very difficult One of my gifts is to allow people to forgive in one or two sessions I've treat I've I've helped people who've Uh been to therapy for 15 20 years in one or two seconds. I release something that's holding them back Because my the way I I help you to give them that release to give them the ability to fish um a lot of um People don't want to be fixed or they they don't want to fix their clients because it's continuous revenue stream But my my mission is to reach 1 billion that's 1 000 million people by december 25 2020 And the only way to do that is to serve keep on serving keep on serving And people see that authenticity and it just multiplies So if you want to reach that many people you're at meddling 10 000 raving fans. What does that feel like man? I mean, I've spoken to maybe 1500 is the biggest audience 10 000. I mean, we're starting to talk stadium like roman stadium, right? That's pretty cool. What was that like for you? Uh, actually it was a bull ring So it's even worse because you have people in front of you to the side of you to the side of you and behind you And you know one thing I would advise your readers when someone asks you to do something just say yes And then work it out afterwards. So I was asked to speak and I said yes afterwards I nearly wet my pants because I've never done anything like that and my kids are dead, you know, whatever you do, you know, don't wear white pants and don't dance obviously I wore white pants and I danced at the beginning. I was very very nervous Then I said to myself for nil. This isn't about you You know your stuff. This is about you Serving about you helping people and as soon as I disappeared The ego disappeared. I just serve And I can send you clips that it's the funniest And it and it was in Spanish. So there was a simultaneous translation So they said I would I would be on for 90 minutes And I thought great that means 45 me speaking. They translating me speaking. They translation Then 10 minutes before they said no, it's a simultaneous translation. So again You have to be prepared if you know your stuff It's going to be okay. It's going to be fine And while you're in a bull ring and you've got people all around I mean, I know from being an actress the challenge is there So were you basically speaking and then moving around and having to address everybody from all angles? That's the only way You can't ignore the people behind you But it it was a very engaging type of conversation And I remember You know, they were saying something the entire crowd was saying something I didn't know what they were saying and I realized what they were saying They were saying a nil a nil a nil a nil a nil a nil And that was a magical moment for me. I thought wow, this is amazing I'm super psyched to hear that And you are somebody who has found a way to surround yourself with really influential people I can imagine knowing you because You are so funny. You're so fun to be with and I think that's a very attractive quality and I Would imagine that influential people feel the same way So knowing that about you how fun and funny you are What are some ways that we might Find that we can learn to surround ourselves with influential people as well well There is a way so What I would do first is to remove the toxic people from your life No, uh, there are people who drag you down who take up your energy You have to remove them and the way I I managed to to Really meet influential people was to serve So for example, I met Mike Tyson I I served I helped his wife I helped him but just by serving but not wanting anything in return Um, I met Richard Branson again. The only thing we talk about is health and relationships I never talked business and I never want anything from him Recently we were on a a yacht my son and I In Croatia and halfway through that Yacht trip we got invited to a billionaires yacht and we spent nine days with him And anything we were doing we're just being ourselves and serving and being playful You know, we we had no agenda and that's the thing have no agenda So be yourself and don't worry what other people think of you if they like you they like you if they don't they don't it doesn't matter What you're saying is so prevalent and I don't know if people really understand the importance So I just want to reiterate that I am not Richard Branson However, I've been operating in podcasts over 12 years So at some level there's some recognition when I go to a workshop or an experience And uh, or sometimes people don't know who I am recently We were in a vet and my boyfriend decided to tell people who wouldn't have known about me otherwise And he's just proud, right? So he was so happy to share Oh, Debbie runs dirt and tweeting and she's this and she talks to that person and it was so super sweet And there was somebody there I might have become friends with she was very interesting She was very engaging and what what was a big turnoff for me is that the moment we had a second together Without a breath she turned to me and said I'd really love to be a guest on your show How would I get on your show and it was such an affront and people would be surprised how much that happens to me And again, I'm not a Richard Branson, but I can say in my world if you want to develop a relationship with me make it with me And it will probably go far, right? I tend to bring wonderful people into my life But the moment you want something needs something it's about work. It's like, oh you're you could give me this and that It's just it's off It's not good And people know that If you come from a place that's too giving and find out what you can do, you know There's always something that you can give that that someone else would appreciate It could be making them laugh. It could be telling a story but You know, we never know How we impact other people people will always remember how you made them feel Let me give you a Richard Branson story. Please. Yeah, we played tennis after the match Richard would you like a cup of tea because no Anil? Give me the pleasure of making you a cup of tea. Wow, you know You learn so much from people like that Because he was humble another thing I learned from him is to wake up early in the morning So he wakes up at 5 a.m. Every morning And a lot of billionaires millionaires I leverage wake up early because When you wake up early your symptoms are on fire. You get a download from the universe It's a different energy. It's a different vibrancy by 8 or 9 o'clock you've done a lot of work You have the rest of the day to go ahead with Again 5 a.m. People it's 5 a.m. Where he is right now So if he can do it looking like he's on the spaceship enterprise you can too That's amazing Stephen Kotler who's a Pulitzer Prize Nominated writer and someone I've studied with and has been on the show He talks about the same thing. He's got insane what I consider to be insane hours because I tend to sleep in But he has a whole system for getting mega things done and just in support of what you're saying, Anil Stephen Kotler is a human performance technology expert. He goes to the best of the best of the best Ask them questions gets together the science and then he implements it in his life So if he's waking up early Richard Branson's waking up early, you're waking up early and getting all this There's probably something really important in there for us to pay attention to Yeah, and if you want to get up early, you can't be going to bed too late What time are you in bed? Well, I'm probably about 11 Ah I need about I work at about about six hours. But because I've traveled so much the time zone can be a little bit disruptive Yeah, understandable. Well, that's very cool. Okay, so maybe I'll start setting my alarm a little earlier I'll set it earlier and sing and do something and jump out of bed And you know if you're getting up at seven going from seven to five may be a big jump So do it in step seven to six thirty to six to five thirty to five Um, you know, you don't have to jump in and and definition of success is making progress So if every day you're making progress you are successful That's beautiful Well, this is dear to dream. This is an award-winning syndicated podcast And if you would like to donate to the show, I invite you to do so Go to patreon.com slash dear to dream this show will always be free to you And for the price of a cup of coffee or more you can donate to the show and the business admin and all it takes to Run this low these many years What would you do if you knew you could not fail? If you were wanting to live completely bold and free, what does that look like? Well, just know that the people I have on the show the whole message and reason for the show Is to show you the way and give you different points of view that can help you get there Again, go to patreon.com slash dear to dream And again, this is debbie dashinker and i'm interviewing anneal gupta. He is The guru to the gurus And his website is immediate happiness dot calm So anneal, I understand that you know three pathways That get us to happiness and fulfillment I don't know what that had to do with the three g's that give grateful and grow that we went over Or if there's a different formula there No, it's You know, it's a very simple formula but very practical This is let me give you something else for your viewers Any time during a day you you're not feeling happy All you have to do is look at the formula And find out which is the lowest g I saw that I thought it was a tail. I thought it was your tail, but no, it's a dog's tail That's so weird Shelby shelly And again listeners have fun, you know laugh at the smallest things don't go jump in puddles look up in the sky. Look at the clouds go by You know, it's the simple things that are the big things That seems to me so profound from somebody who is once thinking about taking his life And then to feel gratitude For so many of the things that people that pass people by that they don't even consider anymore But the fact that you look up in the sky or think even about a rain puddle in that way The greatest thing if you just Look up at the sky like you did as a kid and just watch and What will happen if your mind gets cleared out? And then you start thinking and beautiful thoughts come in your mind And what about relationships? I have to say that you have Such lovely pictures Online of you and your wife you and your wife your son and your daughter I mean the really I can feel your familial love and connection through your pictures together And one of the things you do is help people with relationships Some of the mistakes that they make will you talk a little bit about that? So we can maybe have a little bit more of that yummy family love that you have Yeah, you know the greatest mistake people making marriages? No Getting married It's good So the greatest mistake is this When you first get married you make each other your number one priority You give it the other person a lot of attention But later on in life, you know the kids come you get busy You stop making your partner your number one priority you make them you take them for granted That's the problem and then when you take someone for granted and then someone else gives that person some attention It's really hard to stop what's going to happen next which is You know Digression infidelity all sorts of things So if you make your partner your number one priority, they will never leave you But they also have to make you they're important to part of their life so It's a very simple thing, you know and the other thing is that men want to be respected women want to be loved People don't realize that women try and give love to men that they want respect Can you explain that? What does that look like? What does respect? How does that show up for a man that's meaningful? Okay for me, I I want to be told I I love you. I honor you. I'm proud of you Well done Good job and a physical pat on the back and hugs and kisses. You know very simple thing For a woman she wants to be heard She wants to be listened to yeah, she wants the man to be present. Yep And she doesn't want to be fixed Yep It's simple so A really great exercise if you're in a relationship and you can do this with your partner If you if you ask your partner, what can I do to make you feel more respected? And then say something. What else can I do? What else can I do? What else can I do? Then you know, it's very simple. All you have to do is just knock on those doors And the question he can ask you is what can I do to make you feel more loved? And if you say well, if you did this to me, I would feel loved if you did this for me, I would feel more loved If you did this to me, you would feel more loved And then you can ask them, what can I do to make you feel loved? You can ask them, what can I do to make you feel respected? Hmm So that way it's very simple because a communication is a big issue in relationships Major, okay. So is is that something you feel like on some level you've mastered? Well, there's never It's always ongoing As I change as my wife changes my son changes my daughter changes It's an ongoing situation and it should be because otherwise if it's not ongoing you get complacent What can we do? How can because I agree with you? When things are good They can be so good and there's appreciation and you really see oh, I feel so special this person's with me But when things start going wonky in a relationship Somebody starts doing something you don't prefer and then you know, even if it's subconscious there's some retaliation or resentment Whatever engagement starts to happen. It can really cause things to get off track So what would be like? Useful suggestions that we can employ that can make a really big difference And I don't know why this comes up But I feel like I have to put in the caveat without feeling like we're selling out a part of ourselves somehow Yeah, so It's not what you say how you say it so for example Many years ago, I would leave the toilet seat up and I would leave the the top of the face tube because You know, I'm I'm going to want it back again in the evening. What why why spend time putting it back on After this and it would irritate my wife and just to get back at her. I would do it deliberately And you know, and like you said that we've had a way three things, but one day. This is what she said to me anil Whenever you do that I cannot love you as much as I want to And I thought about it. That's true. You know, if she's out there No way can she lock it And I thought wow, that's so that's such a big thing So I thought I was just being funny, but no it goes much much deeper It goes very deep I want to speak to your point earlier because One of the key things you said that a woman really desires and man This is so big for me is feel the feeling of being heard and that is in conjunction with Please listen Please ask questions. Please let me know you're engaged, but please don't feel you have to tell me what to do or have suggestions It's like the worst Right, so when she's saying to you I would really love if you'd put down the toilet seat and put the cap and the toothpaste But you're choosing to turn a blind eye in fact a little Is in there too it does hurt It's like you're not only not hearing me But you're actually mindfully choosing not to hear me and to still do it and that It's amazing. What a little thing, right? We're talking about minutiae and yet it speaks volumes in a relationship Yeah As human beings we love to be right and if we have a feeling that my partner doesn't love me you will amass So much information and proof proof so A thing that you could do with your partner is say hey, honey I really felt hurt And I want to thank you and I really respect you for doing that So you're acknowledging him You're thanking him he feels respected It's a win-win for both of you. So it's not what you say it. How do you say it? So your wife says to you and you know I can't love you as much as I'd really like to love you because of these behaviors you go away and Have an aha moment and then what happens Then obviously I not only put the toilet lid down and put the tube back on I make sure she knows that I did it. So I want to be rewarded But I do it with joy, you see and I think you know what this is so powerful and then I start looking for other things that I am doing That would stop her from loving me. It's very powerful. The small things are the big things Wow, I just feel like I want to sit in that for a minute The things that we do Mindfully or subconsciously even but also there's some mindfulness in there That's stop our partners. Why the heck do we do that? Stop them from loving us as much as they'd like to love us Well because one of the human beings we love to be right So we'll have mass data to we are meaning making machines. So we make things mean something So for example, if I rang my wife and she didn't return my call I could make it mean that she didn't love me. She didn't honor me. She didn't respect me When all that happened was she didn't call me back But then I would make a big story around it But this is the problem We were never given a manual and actually if I could mention my book it's called immediate happiness All of this is in my book. It's a manual on how we behave why we sabotage relationships Why we get upset how to break down and upset why we have expectations The way we speak how to speak it's very powerful Oh, I love it. Thank you so much. That was big. I'm I'm marinating right now Well folks a quick quick break here This is exclusively for you only so many of you are entrepreneurs and small business owners And I know one of the things that is meaningful is for you to have a platform So people can know you exist and you can get your books your products your programs out there What if you even had a place to create your products to market your place? What if it did everything? I have an exclusive deal for you dare to dream listeners and viewers only Three months of a business plan for free You can shut it down after three months, but it's going to make you money. It's already made me money. I love it It's thinkific. It is so brilliant all the biggest businesses and entrepreneurs are using it right now It is a powerful all-in-one platform very easy to share your knowledge to grow your audience frankly to scale your business So it gives you easy technology best support imaginable and you want to go to get your free months for free T h and k Dot cc slash deb. That's t h and k dot cc Slash deb a start now for free and that is an exclusive deal for you only And neil what about people who give too much? What is over giving about? Well, there's no such thing as over giving that the issue is if you give and you want something back Uh, a baby will never over give It's constant love, but it doesn't expect anything back. So then I ask yourself You know, am I giving to get something back and be honest with yourself? And if it is that's your problem because it sucks the energy out of you when you truly give for the sake of giving It it it replenishes you now look at mother chorizo. She was always giving Uh, you know, it's unstoppable Uh And then notice how you feel you'll feel more energized You'll you'll feel more joyful and the other person will receive in a different way because it's coming from a pace of authenticity On a personal note for you and neil have you ever had to make a really Difficult choice in order to fulfill the path and the life that you're living now And if so, what was the choice that you had to make? Oh I have to cut some people out of my life And there were relatives and close relatives But I realized that it you know, I'm not here because of Any blood relationship. I'm here to serve and letting go of attachments Uh was a big thing for me So letting go of some family members and as soon as I let that go I got so much joy and freedom because I could be who I wanted to be I urge your viewers not to be Uh, uh footballs of other people's opinions. Don't worry what other people think of them Just do what you think is right and don't worry about other people It sounds like you're at peace with that decision It sounds like having done that made a difference in a shift in your life It gave me so much joy because I didn't have to See but the problem with family members is this there are more rules In a family member than there are with friends So with family members, you have to do certain things in a certain way at a certain time And that's very painful with friends. You can do anything anyway anyhow, but especially in Indian community There are so many rules and regulations. If I if I greeted the wrong person out of order That would cause an upset and and I can't live like that You know, I I'm doing what I think I should be doing and I don't want to be thinking Am I doing the right thing? Is this and I don't want to do that So I stepped out of that now I have freedom to be who I want to be I love it. Wow. Well, this is dare to dream Debbie dashinger I'm speaking with anneal gupta who shows you how to lead a richer fuller happier and meaningful life He wrote the book immediate happiness go to his website immediate happiness calm anneal This is dare to dream. What are you next dare to dream? What are your future dreams and goals? You know, I Set up an appointment to meet the Dalai Lama Very excited about that and we're working on some projects in India and China because really that's where the big players are and that's where I can make the biggest impact And it's working on the second book and really serving and if you're Listeners and viewers are interested in finding out how happy they are If they want to take the happy test, it's my happy test calm and they'll get a Score plus detail breakdown of how they can improve their happy score What is a practice that you use on a daily basis that helps keep you Aligned or grounded. What's your daily ritual or practice? So, uh, I get up Um, I poop I brush my teeth Yeah And uh, you know, I look in the mirror and uh, you know, I say to myself Today's the day You don't know if you're gonna change you're gonna change someone's life. It's not about you. It's about the difference you make I'm strong. I'm powerful. I'm invincible I'm here to serve. I make a difference. It's my life. I choose how I run it. I choose how I live it so these are these are things that people can practice by themselves and uh Make them wipe them down They can leave it on the mirror and after a while they can just repeat themselves Because we are who we are. We are what we think. We are what we say. We are what we think So if you change those She thinks she's digging to another country, but it is my rug But it's her in her dna to dig So it's hilarious. She's Yeah, she needs her own webcam and her own reality show But I forgive me I really want to go back to what you said because I really loved hearing Will you say again you look at yourself in the mirror and I want to make sure myself for sure And everybody gets what you just said and you say to yourself today's the day. Keep going What was the rest of them? Today's the day it's my life. I choose how I run it. I choose how I live it I choose freedom I choose peace I choose tranquility It's not about me It's about the difference I make I make a difference I change lives Am I ready? Yes, you're ready I may have to put you on that in one of my classes. That's beautiful today's the day. It's my life I choose how I run it. I choose how I live it. I choose peace. I choose tranquility It's not about me. It's about the difference I make I change lives. I'm ready Anil Yeah, another one you can add at the end. He said I am free I am free. I am free. I am free. I love me. I love me. I love me I am free three times and I love me three times Beautiful Well, Anil, thank you so much for coming in the show and sharing your brilliance under the dream It's been amazing my friend and I'm gonna end today's show Yeah I adore you This is a quote from Anil Gupta Adversity is your friend. It's not what happens in life. It's who you become In that moment you decide I'm bigger than this That's when you start to grow If you'd like to listen to last week's interview on archives or replay you'll hear dr. John D martini And next up on dare to dream radio and podcast. I am featuring ken honda Who is japan's best-selling zen millionaire ken wrote the new york times best-selling book happy money You can subscribe to the show from all the podcast Sites and also from youtube go to youtube.com slash debbie dashing or if you'd like to watch and actually see myself and my Guest, that's the most fun and you can get to see or hear this number one transformation Conversation, thank you for joining us and remember the secret of success is having the courage to begin in the first place