 Family Theatre presents Jack Benny and Lucille Ball. The Mutual Network in Cooperation with Family Theatre presents Jack Benny in The Golden Touch. To introduce the drama, your hostess, Lucille Ball. Family Theatre's only purpose is to bring to everyone's attention a practice that must become an important part of our lives. If we are to win peace for ourselves, peace for our families, and peace for the world. Family Theatre urges you to pray. Pray together as a family. Make Family Theatre takes great pleasure in presenting The Golden Touch, starring Jack Benny as the king. How much did you need? Oh yes, I'm sure it can be arranged. That was fifty thousand, wasn't it? Oh, in five dollar bills. Now did you want us to mail it or will you send a truck? Oh, no trouble at all. We'll expect you at gate three. As for Mr. Jake Workman, he's in charge of small bills. You're welcome. Bye. Uh, pardon me, miss. Sorry to keep you waiting. And now what can I do for you? Need some money? No, no. As a matter of fact, I don't. Oh, take a handful. I really don't need it. I have an expense account. Well then? I'm from the United States. The Daily Telegram sent me. Oh, a newspaper man. That's right. Now I'd like to see your queen if she's not too busy. Oh, I'm sure it'd be all right. She loves to have visitors. Just a moment, I'll call her. Mother, there's a young man here to see you. He's from the Daily Telegram, an American newspaper. Oh, how nice. Send him in, Emma Jean. It's the first door on your right. Oh, thank you. How do you do, Your Highness? It's nice of you to see me without an appointment. Well, it's nothing at all. Wouldn't want to make the press wait. I'm afraid I didn't get your name. It's Benson, Your Highness. Harvey Benson. Well, won't you sit down, Mr. Benson? Now, what can we do for the American press? You need some money? Would three or four million tide you over? Oh, no, no, thank you. I really came here for a story for our readers, for the Sunday supplement. We've been told something very strange happened in your kingdom not so long ago. Well, Mr. Benson, I really wouldn't know where to start. Then let's start right at the beginning. Well, one morning about a month ago, we were having our usual breakfast over at the palace. In those days, we always had corn meal mush for breakfast. I think I'll have another helping before you bring up the money, Matthew. Daddy, can't we have oatmeal or bacon and eggs some morning just for a change? It does get a little tiresome, dear. But when we still have... How many pounds of corn do we have left, Matthew? 752, Your Highness. When we still have 752 pounds, corn costs money, Imogen. Can't waste money, you know. Let's hear no more about it. But they didn't cost you anything, Daddy. I didn't see... You should be grateful for the far-sightedness of your grandfather. Saved a lot of money buying in quantity. But 15 tons! More mush, Your Highness. No, thank you, Matthew. I've had quite enough. Well, if we're all through with breakfast, you may start bringing up the money, Matthew. Your Highness, haven't I been serving your breakfast for 32 years? Yes, you haven't quite well, too, I might add. And didn't my father before me and his father before him, Your Highness? That's right. Then wouldn't you say, sir, that the men of my family have served the crown well? Well? Why, yes, I'd say so, Matthew. Very well, sir. I quit. You quit? Quit? I quit. But why? Don't I pay you enough? 17.50 a week and it's all tax-free. It's not that, sir. You've been most generous. Then what is it, ma'am? It's just this, Princess Imogen. I'm not up to it anymore. Look at me. I've carried so much gold, I've got muscles like an ox. Nonsense. Best thing in the world for you. Then there's the mush, Your Highness. Every day the same thing. Up at 6 a.m., fix the loathsome stuff. Mush for three generations. Was that so terrible? We'll forget, Your Highness, that according to the royal decree of 1751 the palace's health has to eat what the king eats. An economy measure. I not only have to serve the nasty stuff, I have to... Oh, Your Highness, I am all mush. Well, I could make some arrangement by which... Then after the, if you'll pardon the expression, mush, I carry in these muscle-bound arms $80 million in gold from the sub-basement of this room. $80 million in gold. Really, dear, you do carry this money counting a bit too far. I think you're right, Matthew. Absolutely right. Here, here, now, Imogen, have a little respect for your poor old father. I don't count my money too often. I'll not be told how to spend my time by women and kitchen help. Kitchen help? Oh, this is the unkindest cut of all. Matthew, this will be my last command to you. After that, you're fired. Go get my gold. But he quit, dear. You can't fire him. My word is long. I don't care whether he quit or not, he's fired. I'll do it this last time, Your Highness. But I warn you, no good will come of it. That gold is going to get you into trouble, spending all my salary for rub-downs. I'm going to miss good old Matt. I have a feeling you've made a mistake, dear. Nonsense. Paying him too much anyway. Good riddance, I'd say. Well, if you'll excuse us, Imogen and I have more important things to do. Certainly, certainly. Don't give a thought to your father. Imogen, just run along and play. Oh, Daddy. Come, daughter. I want to talk to you. My daughter, the time has come to do something about your father. Do something? The gold, dear. All he ever thinks about is money. We'll have to put a stop to it and soon. We cannot let the kingdom suffer because of your father's love for gold. Now, I want you to go over to the east side and see a magician named Yepsuda. Oh, here, you'll need some money, dear. Ask Yepsuda for the best genie he has. Expense is no object. And don't come back without the best genie you can find. Oh, mother. It is the only answer. I'll be back as soon as I can. Hey, what can Old Yepsuda do for you today? Maybe a little magic lotion for the hands? No, thank you. What would it be then? How about some exploding cigars for the old man? Or if you're throwing a party, how about some dribble glasses? I was looking for a good genie. A genie? Oh, I look no farther. Old Yepsuda's got the best collection of genies you ever saw. Now, here's a nice little number. But that's a lamp. Well, he's inside the lamp. Comes out when you rub it. This is a very potent genie, but he might not be the one for you. He can be pretty ugly if you rub him the wrong way. Well, what else have you got? Well, you can take your pick. The whole shelf here is devoted to nothing but genie. I've got red, blue. There's a green. It looks like I'm all out of two tones. Well, how about those there? Where? The ones in cans. Oh, no, you wouldn't want those. I'm not sure about them. Bought them at a fire sale. Besides, they're vacuum packed. Makes them too fresh. Only stock them for tourists. But this little item is just what the doctor ordered. Oh, and such a pretty bottle. This is what we call the blue bottle through appearance special. He'll do anything you want him to do. I'll take it. Want me to wrap it up? You want to call him out and have him carry you home? Oh, no. I'll just slip it in my pocket. Do you sell bottle openings? Oh, heavens know, you never use a bottle opener on a genie. You just tap the lid and say... Well, you better read the directions when you get home. That'll be fine. Now that was five gold pieces. Plus, a small deposit on the bottle. Did you get it? Right here in my pocket. Well, you see it. Oh, my, what a pretty bottle. Yep, Suda said it was the blue bottle special. Ah, this will do very nicely. What are the directions saying? Well, let's see. Do not shake before using. Lead gently and say... Genie out and at attention. Do the chores which I will mention. Oh! Ah! Ah! I am the genie of the bottle. Tell me who I have to throttle. Bottle throttle. Mother, say something. Well... Now that he's out, I can't think of a thing to say. Then tap again some other day. So long, girls. I'm on my way. Oh, that was a good one. Now, now, Genie. I want you to listen very carefully to what I have to say. Well, of course, my mistress. I'm all ears. I've been capped up for 40 years. So I hope you'll be forgiving if I take a crack at living. Oh! Mother, he's going to run away. I'll see you here, Genie. Oh. Imagine, aren't there laws about such things? Oh, I think so. Now you'll see here. Do you know what they do to run away, Genies? No. Please tell me, mistress, mine. What do they do? Imposify? You mind, but I can't better yet. This is no nothing matter. Oh, sorry. Now, if you'll do what we want, well, you just can't tell. We may even give you your freedom. Well, that seems to me to be pretty big. And I hope that you will excuse the day. But how do I know what you say will be so? How can you prove that you'll let me go? I give you my royal word as queen of the land. Me, too. Hmm. That's enough. What's the stuff? Well, I'll outline my plan. Now, the first thing in the morning, lean down so I can whisper. Oh, mother. You're a very sweet girl, Imogen, but your father can read you like a book. No. Now, Genie, I want you to look at this. Oh, easiest pie. He'll just die. Good morning, dear. Morning, Daddy. Morning. Star near afternoon. Look at the time. Five minutes past eight. Where's my breakfast? I've got counting to do. Where's Matthew? He quit yesterday, remember? Oh, yes. What about my breakfast? It's all been taken care of, Daddy. Oh, yes. We have a new servant. And here he is. Where? That's nothing but a silly bottle. It's a mimicine. You'll have your breakfast in just a moment, dear. Genie out and at attention. Do the chores, which I will mention. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Mistress, what have you in mind? To see the king is whined and dined? Where? That's right, Genie. Get the king something to eat. Us, too. Anything but mush. A whole gun of chicken with 28 legs. Let the king have some bacon and egg. Your highness, if your stomach's queasy, I could make them over easy. Easy, queasy. I'm reaching for them, but they're gone. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Best eggs I ever have. Will you stop laughing? Must you put everything in rhyme? Well, all genies have since the start of time. Well, cut it out. Guess how my royal nerve decides it upsets my stomach. Well, that's because you eat too fast. Got to. Got a lot of money to count. A lot of gold. Ooh, it'll make you an old rap scallion, isn't it? Oh, it's the money that's done it to him, Genie. Money and the love of it. I do not love money. I just like to have it. And count it. I want to know how much I have, that's all. That's why I count it. But five times a day? I don't have enough to last all day. Need more gold. Got to get more gold. You want more gold? Oh, Queen, is this the time you spoke of? Is this the joke we make a joker? Stop that rhyming. What's going on around here? What's he talking about? This is as good a time as any, Genie. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. What's so funny? I'll see here. Stop that laughing. Oh, great King. If I would have grant you one wish, what would it be? One wish? I don't know. I never thought of it before. Well, what do you want most in all the world? What gives you the most pleasure? Ah! Gold. I can always use more gold. Then you'd wish for a lot of gold? How much gold? All the gold in Fort... No, that wouldn't be so very much when you stop to think about it. Perhaps that everything you touch would turn to gold. Oh, Daddy, don't take it. Don't be silly, daughter. Would you begrudge your poor old father the chance of a lifetime? Make it so, Jeannie, that everything I touch will turn to gold. It'll be done just as you say. I give the wish, but you must pay. Stop that rhyming. Where'd he go to? Where? Where? Who? Where? What happened? Back into the bottle. He was a fake. I ought to pass a law. Daddy, look at your silver. What about my... Holy smoke. It's gold, pure gold. Look at me, I'm enchanted. Look. A couple of gold fried eggs. Did you ever see anything like it? And gold coffee. I'm rich, rich. You were rich before you started. I know, but now I'm richer. A gold bowl full of gold flowers. Magine, I think we'd better go. Look at the table cloth. Pure gold. Yes, we'll have to fold it with a crowbar for now. Well, I don't want to go, Mother. I want to watch. At last you have a little concern for your poor old father, now that he's the richest man in the world. You should be rewarded. Now you've got a gold hair ribbon. Leave me alone. I want to go. No, you don't. You leave her alone. I want you to stay and see your poor old father make history. No. No, leave me alone. Don't touch me. Why? I... Yipe! Now you've done it. Magine, daughter, speak to me. Mother, what have I done? Well, offhand, I'd say you've turned your daughter into 24 karat gold. Well, don't just stand there. Get some water. Why? What are you going to do, polish her? Well, do something. Oh, she'll probably be all right in a few weeks. A few weeks? See here, you bring that genie back, or I'll... You're what? Now you stay away from me. I demand as king that you bring that genie back and straighten out the whole thing, right now. Oh, you demand as king, do you? Well, I answer as queen. Go soak your head. I'll come back when I think you've learned your lesson. Mother! I can only get my hands on that genie. It's all his fault, except for him. You changed that water off first, that mop of yours with a cleaver, you big dumbass. Oh, shut up, you face. If you wasn't a lady, I'd give you a black eye and a nose. Oh, so you'd strike a lady. Oh, ma-ma-ma, wash how you is. I'ma no say I was a goner here to you. I said... Just as I thought. Nothing but a coward. Oh, shut up, you face. The servants. Maybe they can help me. Turn out a gold kitchen door. Oh, your royal highness. Tony, it's your royal highness. Some and a garner, you high royalness. A royal, who knows? He knows. You royal. Oh, how is your royal highness this fine day? Yes, you royal. I hope you're feeling up to sniff. His highness... Oh, stop that bowing. I'm in trouble. Real trouble. Oh, but you're bad. Just think we haven't seen you in eight years. What are you talking about? It was at 12 years the last of Wednesday. I'm right. It's been eight years. I'm never wrong about days. Please, please. You're nothing but a big dumbass. No, no, no, no. Not you, your highness. I mean this dumb bonehead. Bonehead? If you wasn't a lady... Stop this bickering. It's been 12 years. Oh, I'm sorry, your highness. I guess I was just a little off. A little, only four years, that's all. I wanted my first argument in 37 years in this kitchen. You royal, I gotta shake you head. No, no, don't. I just... I tried to save you. What did you do to Tony? Look at him glisten in the sunlight. Your highness, you've turned him into gold. Oh, you blaggard. I think I'm going to faint. Let me catch you. Oh, no, no. Whoops. Where's Molly? Turned to gold. How's that? I said she's got a cold. Sorry to have it. Probably one of them viruses, everybody. What's the matter? Look at him glisten in the sunlight. You mean Tony? The statue? Yeah, gold. But why of Tony? Well, I think it's kind of nice to give the help a little something after 37 years of service. Why the likeness? It looks kind of triumphant, Tony. I'd swear to you, while this was alive, do you want to shine for the ice max? Certainly. I'm right here by the axe. You got a pencil? Yeah, right here, man. Hey, what was that? What was what? I thought I heard a funny noise. Kind of like music. Nonsense. Most likely a clock charming. Here you are. Oh, it's this. No, you don't want to give me this. Go ahead, take it. You deserve it. But the gold pencil? Nah, just give me the old one back. Well, keep it. It's yours. Well, okay. But have you got one with just an ordinary rubber eraser? Do you know anything about magic, Mr. Wickman, Mac? But just call me Jake. I didn't catch your name either. You know around here? Not exactly. I'm the king. Holy smoke. Your royal highness. How are you today, your royal highness? I hope everything is... Oh, can the bowing. I'm in trouble. Do you know anything about magic? Well, my brother-in-law is a magician. What's the trouble? Here, sit down. Hey, what'd you do at the chair? What's going on around here? That's my trouble, Jake. Everything I touch turns to gold. Holy smoke. Then the statue of Tony... Is Tony. I'll leave you. Leave, Jake. Matt, that could be me. I promise I'll be real careful. Poor old Tony. Where's Molly? Under the table. She painted. Is she? Solid gold. Holy smoke. My daughter, too. I don't know what I'm going to do. Jake, you've got to help me. Let me call the brother-in-law. He can fix things up. Unless it was a genie. It was a genie. Matt, your goose is cooked. When'd you see him last? My wife had him in a little blue bottle. Uh-oh. A blue bottle special. That's bad. Is she coming back? I hope so. All we can do is wait. You mind if I fix some coffee? Want me to help? One step closer and I'll put a nice pick through you. No disrespect, of course. Just not taking any chances, Matt. You're right. Perfectly right. I hope I never see gold again as long as I live. Why doesn't she come? What's keeping her? You know I'm in your highness. They never know what I'm in. It goes through just waiting. Why I remember once... What time is it, Jake? Let me consult my watch and chain. It's 2.30. Why I remember once... Why did this have to happen to me? Haven't I been a good king? Jake, I've tried. Tell me, haven't I been a good king? Well, as a matter of fact, Matt, I mean, your highness, you haven't. And most of the folks in the kingdom are beginning to resent it. It seems you're too, well... No, you're just talking about it. Now go ahead. Well, it's just that you're... Go on, Jake, go on. Well, that you're too tight. Oh, that. No, no. No, and they know what you do with it. Well, if you know the things they said about you when you put in a bid for their martial playing funds when all their mother countries needed it so bad, it sure made everybody mad. That was a dirty thing I did, wasn't it? I'm glad you're finally beginning to see the light. Money, Matt. That's what I was. Money, Matt. What time is it now? At 2.35. You'll probably be all right if you ever get out of this mess. You'll be given money away. Guess what I'll do. I'll start giving it away now. Let's draw up the plans. Now first, the first will set up a big organization. And every bunny in it will be well paid, eh? Right. We'll use the whole north wing of the castle. We'll start giving money away to everyone that needs it. Have you learned your lesson, dear? Who's this? The genie? It's my wife. In here, dear. Well, I expected to see gold for miles around. What did you do to poor Tony? It was an accident. After almost 40 years of service, huh? Certainly beats giving him a gold watch. A little canvas. Did you bring the genie? And who is this person? Well, this is my dearest friend. Jake, uh, Jake... Workman, Jake Winkman. He's the only one who stood by me. The only one. Just call me Jake. Did you bring the genie? I did, but I'm not sure the king has had enough. Oh, yes, I have. I never want to see gold again as long as I live. I'm going to give it all away. We've been winking on some plants. We're going to have a big relief on them. He's cured. Thanks, Jack. That's okay, pal. No, don't touch me. Don't you put your arms up. See what I mean? I just can't take it anymore. I'm whipped. Bring out the genie. Genie out and at attention. Do the chores, which I will mention. I see the king has had enough. No longer wants the cursed stuff. I never should have taken the touch of gold. I'm sorry I was greedy. I think he really is, genie. You can change him back. I'll change him and all that he has changed. But remember, you promised me my freedom. Fix everything and I'll not only set you free, but I'll see that you get a good job. The deal is made. The curse will fade. That's about all there is to it, Mr. Benson. I hope it's enough of a story for you. I think it will be, Your Highness. Yes, I think it will be. Come in. Oh, come in, Mr. Blue. Mr. Benson, I'd like to present the president of our relief organization, Jean Blue. Nice to meet you, Benson. How do you do? You used to know some burners named Benson. Get it? Burners named Benson? Benson Burners? Oh, I'm getting good. Copper whips up a new hat. She takes a couple of everyday ordinary things like a tomato or a green apple, mixes it with a bunch of ribbon and, lo and behold, it's suddenly something that would do justice to John Frederick's or Lily Dashay. Lots of husbands have seen their wives do the same thing. And then, too, you read every now and then how some scientist mixes a concoction of ordinary things, a sort of cocktail made of waste products, and out of his magic test tube come some application never heard of before. Jewels out of sawdust, perfume out of coal tar, medicine out of weeds or mold. You never realize the beauty and the value of things until you experiment, until you try them. That's pretty much the same way about prayer. Have you noticed lately how in the field of medicine the psychologist and the psychiatrist have been rediscovering the value of prayer? But prayer has been there all the time, just for everyone's taking. It's ironic to think that persons will accept prayer on the basis of an up-to-the-minute medical authority when for as long as they can remember religious authorities have told them the same thing. Yes, prayer is one of the forces of life itself. But you've got to use it to get its benefits. The jewel of a happy home life, the perfume of uplifted hearts, medicine for a sick world. Use prayer for your family life, for the family that prays together stays together. More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of. Ford Family Theatre has brought you Jack Benny as the star of The Golden Touch. Lucille Ball was your hostess. Others in the cast were Frank Nelson, Berna Felton, Alan Reed, Alan R. Audley, Barbara Eiler, Ted DeCorsia, Howard McNeer, and Howard Culver. The script was written by Robert Hugh O'Sullivan with music composed and conducted by Harry Zimmerman and was directed for Family Theatre by Joseph F. Mansfield. This series of Family Theatre broadcasts is made possible by the thousands of you who felt the need for this type of program, by the mutual network which has responded to this need and by the hundreds of stars of stage, screen and radio who have so unselfishly given of their time and talent to appear on our Family Theatre stage. To them and to you, our humble thanks. This is Tony Lofrano expressing the wish of Family Theatre that the blessing of God may be upon you and your home and inviting you to join us next week at the same time when Family Theatre will present Walter Brennan and Betty Lynn in A Star for Helen with the Honorable Frank Walker as host. Join us, won't you? This program was transcribed earlier from our Eastern Mutual broadcast release for release to our west coast at this more convenient listening time. We invite you to stay tuned now for the latest news on the newspaper of the air which follows immediately. This is the Mutual Don Lee Broadcasting System.