 When I play a show, I have so much self-hate that I'm not even focusing on like the show. I used to get bullied constantly, every day I wake up just trying to get through to like the next day. When you're older, all of that kind of come back again. It's when it kind of took me on like a downward spiral. The therapist was like, okay, you need to stop doing shows now. I'm going to go to Spain on Friday to like rehab. I just kind of started getting into the NFL at that time. I would watch them with the nurse that liked the NFL and it'd be like a bit of happiness at the end of like whatever was happening in that week. I picked the team because I have a big, big love for Nashville. It felt so right that Titans were the team that I would end up loving for the rest of my life. So Essex is a very big place and it's kind of the village I live in is north of London. So it's like close to like Tottenham and all areas like that. So it doesn't take long to like get into central London, but it's just north of London. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thanks, bye bye. It's my mom. Oh, is it? Yeah. She's got stuff on her face. Oh, it's been good then. Do you want to do a coffee run in a minute? Yeah. Yeah? Oh, yeah. Are you okay? Yeah. Yeah? The influence of music in my household was massive. I had guitars or we'd try and get guitars and build them and take them apart. And it was like, I didn't do anything else but play music every day. Come home from school, play guitar, play drums and just lived music. I was about 13 and I had like a school band practice. And I just I don't know what it was. I just got on the drum kit and just started playing something like just messing about, I don't know. From then on, I just thought I might like take this up, get some lessons and try and figure it out. In between, like when I was playing in bands, I would to get bits of money. I would crew for bands. So I'd be like a guitar tech, a drum tech or anything that would make me part of music. I landed in Circle Waves as a tech. So I was like their sole tech. I was like the guitar tech, the drum tech, just worked for them for six months. And then I got a promotion. When we started touring after the album come out, we went to Japan, we went to Australia. We was constantly like flying in and out of places, touring America like a few times a year, touring Australia a few times a year. I was in California with a festival that three fights put on. They asked us to play, which was mind blowing. I never kind of went abroad as a kid or went away. So being like 25 and getting to travel around the world. Just completely blew my mind. Seeing Circle Waves on like a poster. Like I remember the first time seeing us on like the Reading Festival poster, like going there as a kid and seeing our name on there. I was just like, how does how does that work out? I'm kind of played it cool with the rest of the band. But inside I was like freaking out, really freaking out. T-shirt weather kind of took the band to a level that I don't think we even thought was possible. From then on, I just kept like unknowingly ticking off like dream goals that I never thought I'd ever like reach. Yeah, honestly, that was like the hottest, hottest, hottest of all. No, you're not seeing your dreams. That's great. Sometimes touring can get really hard. You're living in each other's pockets constantly. You're staying on a bus with like 12, 14 people and you're in each other's space all the time. And it kind of you're away from your family. You miss certain things, birthdays can play definite tricks on your mind, which which is not good if you already got like a not a strong mind. It was about 13, 14, I used to get bullied constantly. I didn't really know that life was hard, I guess. I just I thought maybe it was just normal. Things I couldn't leave my house, like the bully used to chase me down the road. He would not. He was so relentless that I just I didn't know what to do. And it kind of just made life difficult to live and wake up thinking that he's going to be outside my house. I wake up thinking that, OK, he said he's going to be outside my school. So all of those thoughts just felt like a or maybe everyone's gone through this. And I think I really realised and you start kind of picking up things from your childhood and like learning different things about your family and realising that mental health runs in my family. When you're older, all of that kind of come back again and like relived everything again. And that's when it kind of took me on like a bigger downward spiral of not knowing how to live life. As much as I don't talk about it or really say anything about it, every day I wake up just trying to get through to like the night the next day. Doing shows. There's times where I just can't can't focus on anything else. Like the self-hating me just. Reeks through so strong where maybe from the outside point of view, doesn't look anything like that. So. Masking that has become like an art form, which is which is crazy. I've done it like ever since I was like 13, 14. So it just it's like a normal part of me, which is not healthy. I remember laying in bed, luckily, called someone from my management team and just said, I can't I can't do this anymore. He put me straight on to like this company called Music Support and like a couple of days later, I was in seeing like a psychiatrist and like a therapist and figuring out all these different things that I'd never done before. But I was now 26, 27. Figuring out what's going on in life in my life. And it was crazy. I never thought you never think that you're going to make a phone call like that to try and get help. And the therapist was like, OK, you need to stop doing shows now. I had to call the band and say, like, I'm going to go to Spain on Friday to like rehab and like miss a show in Mexico. Which scared the hell out of me because I've always had this thought in me that everything with the band is so good that. Anything I did to like. Jeopardize that just put me even further into the ground. Having to ask for help to then. Have to put everything aside and go and be somewhere where you're just there for like I was there for a month and try and let them look after you, which felt like the strangest thing in the world. Like you're with people that are in like the same situations or it's like worse situations. And it's all like a crazy, crazy, crazy thing to experience because you don't know what's going to come out. You don't know where you're going to end up. There'd be people there if you went around to come and check on you. And that nurse there and he just made that whole time better. He loved the NFL. I just kind of started getting into the NFL at that time. So I would watch them with the nurse that liked the NFL and every like Sunday or if it was on Monday and it'd be like a bit of happiness at the end of like whatever was happening in that week. And it kind of made us like closer. I like to like I picked a team because I have a big, big love for Nashville. I feel I don't know why I can't put I can't pinpoint it. But Nashville feels like home to me. It felt so right that Titans were the team that I would end up loving for the rest of my life. My first Titans game I finished rehab in December, near Christmas. And after watching the games, got credit card and went to Nashville straight away. And it was New Year's Eve in Nashville. And it was at that time the coldest game in Titans history. And it was amazing. It was just like going into stadium already feels like a big thing like to anyone, we're going into the Titans stadium where I've never been before, watching the Titans play, watching the Titans win. We say goodbye to a nine year playoff drought. And the fact that it was so cold and everyone was like still going crazy was such a good atmosphere. So it was like the next year after I'd seen that game, the London games were announced. And as soon as it got announced, actually, this is perfect. This feels so good. And so the games were announced. Tennessee was born in August. The games were like three months later. Took a three month old baby to the game going dressed up in his Titans gear. And yeah, it was amazing. And yeah, it was a surreal experience. Just like taking him there in the car, getting him into the stadium. I wanted to like even he will never remember that the pictures he can look back on and be like, that's surely that's not real. And it felt like a really special moment to to be there with him after coming away from rehab, finding out I was having Tennessee. That's why the Titans has always been there. Like pivotal points, really pivotal points. And I can't pinpoint why I have such a hard like love for the Titans. But I guess it's just ingrained in things that have happened within my life. I can't wait to have that moment again and keep and hopefully go to Nashville with him and take him through like the Titans journey that I've lived. I wanted to tell my story and with this, like the love that I have for Titans and the love that I have for music, I want to be able to tell someone that like asking for help is OK, no matter what. Like if you can't ask your family, if you can't ask your friends, there's like someone there. There's always someone at the end of a phone call. There's always like a helpline or anything. So if someone sees this and has like a moment where they go, OK. He's like he's put looks like he's something else, but behind he's constantly just trying to get through each day. So if that like translates with anyone, I would I'd feel like I've done a massive thing.