 Today May 40 here So I've had my share of failure in life. I've had my share of humiliation I'm a 55 year old bachelor You get objectively look at my life and think oh this guy's a total loser Loser what a dweeb Shame had some talent but wasted it on narcissistic delusions and attention-seeking and I think in large part due to my failures due to my humiliations I Spent a lot of my life reading conspiracy theories and dissident points of view and I remember It was a great comfort to me That no matter my levels of humiliation and failure At least I saw through the bullshit All right, so everyone else around me was more successful and more happy and more accomplished Had more, you know positive things going on in their life But at least I saw through the bullshit on the Kennedy assassination at least I saw through the bullshit on voter fraud and One of my phases of like really delving in deep into dissident right Materials was between 2013 and 2018 and Some of that time was not particularly successful. There were years there where I had over fifty thousand dollars in credit card debt And so by any objective measure, I was coming up and passing the age of 50 By any objective measure, I was just failing and failing and humiliating myself and failing and failing But there was one really solid sense Of my self-respect and self-esteem that I had and what was that based on? It's based on well at least I see through the bullshit So everyone around me there. They're more successful They're happier. They have more good things going for them, but at least I see through the bullshit so I noticed this with a lot of people who get into dissident materials and Conspiracy theories It's inevitably That it's overwhelmingly Marginalized people to get attracted to marginalized movements and marginalized theories, right? So it's In essence, it's overwhelmingly losers who get into conspiracy theories and it's overwhelmingly losers who get into marginalized politics and any You know marginalized and stigmatized social movement, right? Only losers are going to do that But even losers need a sense of self and so for people who are losing at life Conspiracy theories are very attractive Because they tell you that you're losing in humiliations not your fault that there are these vast shadowy forces that are totally screwing up your life in the world and Yeah, you've had a lot of failure in humiliation But at least you see through the bullshit and that's also characteristic of people in mental asylums right they all Not maybe all but a great deal of them Comforted and have a very strong sense as they see through the bullshit and sometimes they're right, right? Sometimes dissidents are right. Sometimes marginalized people are right Sometimes marginalized losers are right. Sometimes people who fail right, you know, sometimes poor people are right You know, sometimes people on the fringe are right and the elites are wrong So I'm not passing any judgment here But it is characteristic of the insane I've noticed that they very strongly believe that hey, I may be a little eccentric, but at least I see through the bullshit What happens? I notice when people get more and more into conspiracy theories and dissident politics They become increasingly assured of their righteousness that they see through the bullshit and Even though their life may not be working and they may be enduring failure and poverty and humiliation They have developed a primary sense of self-worth is that they see through the bullshit that they are able to look into the abyss They're able to deal with the tough harsh truths and sometimes they're right All right, this is not like judgment that, you know, I'm better than them because this is me I've experienced this I've gotten into conspiracy theories and you know, dissident politics and My experience is that the years say 2013 to 2018 when I had a tremendous Part of my self-worth was based on That I see through the bullshit I currently don't believe in any conspiracy theories, which I'm aware But I really got into dissident politics 2013 to 2018 and Became a large part of my self-worth was that well, at least I see through the bullshit and guess what? My ability to see through the bullshit was greatly exaggerated. I didn't see nearly as clearly as I thought I did I was not nearly as superior as I thought I was I was not nearly as special as I thought I was It's not nearly as unique and wonderful and courageous and You know a truth seeker and a truth teller as I thought I was but I was Deluded at a great overestimation of my hand ability to see through the bullshit So I'm sure there are some people in mental asylums and there are some poor people and there are some homeless people and there are some people in dissident politics and In marginalized social movements who do perhaps see more through the bullshit than the average person But I do notice a great deal of smug self-assurance That yeah, maybe everything about their life sucks but they see through the bullshit and Along with the smug self-assurance that often comes from being religious or From being successful or from being elite or from being rich Right the smug self-assurance Usually there's a great deal of delusion So yeah the conspiratorial mindset and the dissident mindset Starts funneling people Into certain channels and then the more time they spend in these channels. I'm not just talking about youtube channels I'm talking about life channels Yeah, I might be poor. I might live in a trailer park. I might be uneducated But at least I know how things really work like this is so widespread like people base Most of their self-worth On the fact that they are utterly convinced that they see through the bullshit And they just have failure after failure misery after misery and they can't examine whether or not They really do see through the bullshit Because all that is left of their fragile sense of self is this supposition that they see through the bullshit Right the more at ease you feel with yourself The easier it is to admit. Hey, I was wrong The less need you have to feel special and superior to other people So I see people getting sucked into conspiracy theories like QAnon and Distant politics Then they start hanging out here and marinating In these places and their life goes to hell They become alienated from their friends family community profession educational institution Their life falls apart almost nothing's working for them But what they have going for them is this ever Stronger sense that they see through the bullshit And when that's all you've got left That you see through the bullshit that you're able to really like stare into the abyss while other people They're just not tough enough strong enough Righteous enough just don't have the right stuff to see through the bullshit But when that's all you've got left of your self-worth You're not going to challenge that You're not going to seriously consider that you might be wrong because that's all you've got left Right being somewhat marginalized or feeling predisposes you to these You know conspiratorial dissident points of view So then you start getting a sense of worth from becoming Part of a movement of you know 911 truthers or you know vaccine truthers or dissident politics And so it makes the pain go away that last you found a home, right now you belong Right now now you finally see through the bullshit. So you get more and more of your sense of worth from from this smug self-righteous Conviction that isn't completely impervious to Contradiction or even challenge completely impervious to all facts because now suddenly You've been strangled by This conviction that you see through the bullshit and it's now taken over your life So it used to used to be a nice supplement to your life It's like you might get into using porn because it's just a nice supplement to your life But then it becomes the single most intense and pleasurable part of your life And then you start using it three times a day and you start You know walking away from your job and from real-life relationships to get into the porn or to play video games Or get into conspiracy theories or dissident politics because this is what's feeding you And you're growing towards attention and validation like plants grow towards the sun And now The more you get into this conspiratorial thinking the more your life does not work And so the more then you depend upon your conviction that you see through the bullshit But guess what usually that's a delusion Usually you no more see through the bullshit than the average person. In fact, you may well See through the bullshit less than the average person and maybe the more What happens is the more you're convinced that you see through the bullshit less open you are Too falsification or too Factual or intellectual or theoretical challenge The more alienated you get from other people But when that's all you've got left for your sense of worth is that you see through the bullshit That's a really bad direction to be in So if you're How much of your self-worth depends upon your Believe that you unlike regular people see through the bullshit How much of your sense of self-worth depends upon You thinking that you're able to stare into the abyss And other people are simply not capable Of looking at the the dark truths that you the intrepid truth warrior can just You can engage when everyone else is too much of a pussy because you like most people in the insane asylum You are so thoroughly convinced your smugly self-right just that you see through the bullshit and it's a delusion