 presents Bob Hope. The mutual broadcasting system in cooperation with Family Theatre presents Citizens Arrest and now here is your host Bob Hope. Family Theatre's only purpose is to bring to everyone's attention a practice that must become an important part of our lives. If we are to win peace for ourselves, peace for our families and peace for the world, Family Theatre urges you to pray. Pray together as a family. And now to our transcribed drama, Citizens Arrest. Medicines, are they there? Yes, sir, both of them. Okay, bring Merton in here. You finally made it back, did you? Nixon and Alfons stuff, huh? Over here, Alfons. What's the matter with you? Don't you like it on the outside? Please, Inspector, you talk like I got caught on purpose. Didn't you? No, of course not. Quinn? He tried to hold up a market. Owner pulled a gun out of the cash drawer and slapped him with a Citizens Arrest. What's that on your coat, Al? Is that blood? No, it ain't blood. It's ketchup, Inspector. Any shooting? Lots. Eric Madison, the market owner claims he fired twice over Merton's head. That was all. Oh, that's not the way it happened at all, Sergeant. You got to learn to get the facts straight if you want to get ahead in this business. Sit down, Al. Inspector, can we take these things off? I won't try nothing. Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. Take off his handcuffs, Quinn. Okay. Thanks, Inspector. So, you think we don't know how to get our facts straight? No, I didn't say that. You just never talked to the right people. That's all. You know, Quinn, I'll bet you a cup of coffee will get three different stories on how this happened. No bet. All right, then. I'll bet your Merton here will do everything he can to get up to the pen before the start of the baseball season. Pee baseball season. Inspector, would you please stop talking like I wanted to get caught? Do you want me to take this down, Inspector? Yes, Quinn. We might as well get this now a safe time later. All right, Al. According to the blotter, you were apprehended this morning at 8.15 o'clock. See, Inspector, that's what I mean. Now you're going to read me the blotter. You don't even want to know how it happened. All right. Suppose you tell us, Al. Tell us in your own words. Yeah? In your own words. Oh, yeah. Okay. That's a good deal. Let's see now. Well, earlier this morning, I was sitting in my suite of rooms at the hotel. What hotel? What hotel? The home away from home hotel. He had a hall room with a Murphy bed and a hot plate. Look, who's telling the story anyhow? I'll tell it. I'll tell it. You just write it down. Okay, okay. Go on with your story, Al. Well, I was short of cash and thinking of going out to the track. So right away, I think it is here market on the corner. Now I kind of looked at a place over one day just in case of such an emergency. Yeah. Now I goes downstairs and I hop into my touring car. I got a big black job with all the extras. One way of telling the difference between a cheap hood and a real operator like me is that the bums are in a hurry. Me, I was taking my time. I cruises around a block twice to make sure to beat copying around. Then I noses my sedan into the cub just a little ahead of the market entrance. Then I gets out and I strolls around to the back of the car. And there I start fiddling with the plates whilst out at a corner of my eye. I'm casing the market to see if anybody's in there. You know, customers. Well, there was only the guy and his wife. I moves inside and I angles for the check stand. Hey, give me a package of butts, will you? Take it easy, buddy. Can't you see I'm busy? What's the matter with you? Now, how am I to know that this guy is a lion? He gives me a look what I give Dillinger to Willys. Well, I'm standing there with my rod bulging out of my pocket and he goes right on adding up a column of fingers. And his doll, she was as bad as he was. I tell you, they was both lions. Hey, Phoebe. Yeah? Come on, get on the ball. Take care of this goof. Can't you see I'm too busy? So am I, Busy. Do it yourself. Do it yourself or is there any way to talk to your husband? You're looking for cloud eye, yeah? From who? From you? You raise your hand of me and I'll let you have it with this bottle of ketchup. Put down the bottle or I'll clobber you with this can of tuna. You wouldn't dare. And it's solid packed, not flakes. Put down a ketchup, Phoebe. All right. That's better. Now take care of this guy. Well, what do you want, stupid? Look, you want to wait somewhere, buddy? Go to the bus station. This is a market. Call me back when he's made up his mind. All right, that's enough. Now you put him up. This is a stick up. Put up your hands. A stick up. Get this clown, Eric. Yeah. Yeah. This guy is trying to heist it, Jared. No, Inspector, you can see how a thing like that might tend to unsettling man a little bit. Things were going not so pretty good. And, you know, I have my reputation to think about. So I hunches up my shoulders and I take the ride out of my pocket says they can get a good look at it. Now I ain't kidding. This ain't no peace shooter, you know. Peace shooter. Did you get that, Phoebe? Yeah, peace shooter. That's all right. And what is this? A gag? Is this a guy a friend of yours? No, I never saw him before. You stop it. No, that's enough. You stop it or I'll shoot. Turn over your cash. I want your dough and I want it now. You want your dough and I want it now. Look, you wait, Eric. Next, you'll say, give me give me your money or your life. Yeah, what a cornball. Honestly, you're a screed. Eric, honey, look, if you don't know this punk, why don't you take your rod out of the cash drawer and cut him down? What's the matter with you people? What kind of a market is this? Go ahead, Eric. Get your gun out and blast him. No, I'll just do it with this. You stand back. Don't you come no closer. You're mad. The last thing I see is this ketchup bottle coming down to me and then nothing. When I come to it, they got me propped up against the cash register. I say, give me some mint treatment. Then we'll take them out in the delivery truck and dump them in the river. God knows some man. We could wrap them in paper from the meat department, weigh them down with a couple of cases of soda pop. Nah, why waste food? Yeah. Well, we could use 20 or 30 pounds of those cold cuts. I don't think they're moving too well anyhow. Hey, look, he's coming around. Boy, you, you people are nuts. You're crazy. Ask him what we ought to do with him, honey. Yeah. Hey, tough guy, what do you think we ought to do with you? Well, come on, tough guy, you got no ideas. Call the police, please, please, call the police. You know, Phoebe, I hate to admit this, but he's right. Yeah. I guess that would be the best way. If we knock him off, we'll have to close the market for the morning. We can't afford to lose the sales. Yeah, you're right about that. Yeah, go ahead, honey, call the cops. And I swear, Inspector, that is exactly the way to happen. Yeah, sure. Now, you know I'm a very tough citizen. Just down on my luck is all. I just happened to pick the wrong place. Now, how was I to know that this guy was a lion and that, that, ooh, that Molly is, wow. What were you batting on the prison team when you got out? Three hundred? Three eighty. But believe me, Inspector, I ain't trying to get back into the pen. And I wish you'd stop talking like I was. That kind of talk of ruin a man. Things a little rough on the outside, huh? Well, crime ain't what it used to be, but. But it's safer on the inside, huh? Yeah, but don't go saying that. That's where all your friends are. Look, what I told you, it's a truth. So help me. Sure, Al. Sure. I'm a very tough umbrae. Yeah. Very tough. That's all. Oh, look, look, Inspector. Where are you? Could I ask you something? Go right ahead. Now, I know you don't believe me, but well, long as I confess. You want me to try to keep it quiet. Yeah, you know, as long as I'm going up, I mean, a thing like this could ruin me. Sure. I'll see what I can do, Al. Take him out, Sergeant Quinn, and uh, bring in Eric Madison. Yes. Oh, Inspector, aren't you forgetting something? No. Oh, I'm sorry. I put the cuffs on him, Quinn. This is a very dangerous character. Now, your name is Eric Madison. Yes, yes, sir. That's correct. I'm Eric Madison. You made a citizen's arrest of an armed robber this morning at 8.15 o'clock. That's right, Inspector. Any right-thinking citizen would have done the same thing. Now, if you don't mind, Mr. Madison, just tell us what happened this morning in your own words. My own words? That's right, Mr. Madison. All right, Inspector, I remember it all exactly. Mrs. Madison and I were in the market this morning at about 7. That's the time we usually open. Yes. We worked on the books and restocking the shelves till about the time the robber came in. Oh, dear! On that order for the Melbersons yesterday, was that a number one can of asparagus or a number two can? It was a number one can, love. Thank you, my dear. Oh, good morning, sir. Morning. How may I help you this morning? How may I be of service? Get your wife over here. Pardon me, sir. It sounded as if you said, get your wife over here. That's what I said. This is a stick up. A stick up? Better call her over, bud. Honey! Honey, better come over here for a minute. It's a stick up, lady. Just keep calm, my dear. Oh, Eric! Just think it easy and nobody'll get hurt. Eric, I'm frightened. Stand behind me, dear. I'll protect you. Okay, buddy. Hand over all your cash. Oh, Eric, he's going to take all our hard-earned money. No, he's not, dear. Oh, yes, I am. Not a penny. Now listen, buddy, this lump in my pocket ain't a bunch of grapes, you know. Oh, I've seen your kind before. Think you can bully whom you please, eh? You've never turned a hand to earn an honest day's wages or I missed my guess. Well, you can't bully me. I'll not stand for it. It's time you learned that crime does not pay. My trigger finger is getting awful itchy. Well, scratch it, then. Scratch it? If you really needed the money, if you'd come to me as an honest man in trouble, I'd have given you the money. Well, if it'll make you feel any better, you can think of me as a rubin' trouble. Just give me the dough. Not now, you hooligan. It's the principle of the thing now. I shan't give you a cent. Not one cent. But this is a stick up. Ha! Look, just put up your hands. Well, y'all get it myself. Oh, Eric, please, let's not take any chances. Oh, let's put up our hands, Eric, please. Just, just this once. Not on your life. Now, buddy, I'm warning you. Hey, what's a smile for? On second thought, my dear, we will put up our hands. Oh, thank you, Eric. Thank you. The money's in the register. Just open the drawer. Well, I get this thing open. Just push the no sale button. All right, this. I tricked you. Yeah, no, you don't. Oh, Eric, be careful. Now, the jig is up. Just stand where you are. Don't shoot. Didn't think I'd have a revolver hidden away in the cash drawer. Did you, my fine friend? Now, give me your gun. Hand it over. Okay. Here it is. I dropped it. I'll pick it up for you. No, you don't. I'll get it. Look out, Eric. Here's a bottle of ketchup. Oh, yes. Oh, I'm shot. I'm shot. No, you're not. I just had to shoot the bottle out of your hand. My hero. I can't understand why I missed it with the first bullet. Better call the police, my dear. Call the police. Well, that's what happened. And as you know, Inspector, the officer arrived and brought us all down here. Now, if that's all you want, I really should be getting back. That's not quite all, Mr. Madison. Oh, I don't see why not. After all, I've done my duty as any right-thinking citizen. Right-thinking citizen? Non-thinking citizen would sound better. Mr. Madison, are you insured against theft? Well, yes, I... You risk your own life and the life of your wife to protect a few dollars for an insurance company that expects to pay on a certain number of policies anyway. It's just your good fortune I'm not investigating a double homicide right now. So let's not talk anymore about right-thinking citizens till one of us learns what it means, all right? Well, all right, Inspector. Well, Sergeant Quinn, what do you think of version number two? Sounds a little closer to the truth, Inspector. You can show Mr. Madison to the waiting room now and bring in Mrs. Madison. Mrs. Madison? We've heard two versions of this story, sir. We just want to hear her telling. Why, I don't understand. Just for the record, Mr. Madison, routine, you know. Oh, of course. That's why, Mr. Madison. Mrs. Madison, will you tell us what happened this morning? But my husband already told me. It's just routine, Mrs. Madison. We have to have it. That's right. Well, just tell us what happened as nearly if you could remember. Well, now, I may have forgotten a few things you understand. It was quite a shock. We understand. Well, at about eight this morning or maybe a quarter past. I don't think this thing that's adding machine is working right. Oh. It keeps saying one dollar and eleven cents and twenty-six cents is a dollar thirty-seven. Oh, well then maybe that's why I keep saying that. Honey! On this bottle of ketchup. What's it say? I can't make out the price you put on it. You better take care of the customer first, Eric. Huh? Oh. A good morning, sir. I didn't see you come in. Put down a bottle, Mr.... On me? It says put down the bottle so you can put your hands up in the air. This is a stick up. A stick up! Watch it. Oh, Eric, you dropped the cats. All right, now stand back. You too, girlie. He says stand back, dear. The man's got a gun. Oh, it really is a hood up, isn't it? Ooh, I'll have to do something. Just open it till that's all now. Give me all your money. Anything, anything. Just don't shoot. Now, don't. You'll be frightened, Eric. He's not going to shoot. What makes you think I'm nuts? A big handsome guy like you wouldn't shoot a poor defenseless girl like me now, would you? Come on now, would you? Well, but the guy here, he's your husband, ain't he? Please don't wave the gun around like that. What makes you think I wouldn't shoot him? I'm a pretty tough customer, you know. Shoot him? Why bother? Just raise your voice and he'll tremble. Go ahead, try it. We'll go on. Oh, boy, this is screwy. Try it. Okay. Now, see here, you. See what I mean? Hey, you're right. Bet if you said, uh, boo, he'd faint. I think so. Oh, it's worth a try. I think I will. Uh, hey, yo. Me? Yeah, you. Boo! Well, you see, he fainted. Yeah. You know, I didn't know I had it in me. You just don't know your own strength, big boy. Oh, uh, tell me something. Why, uh, why did a good-looking Don like you fall for a guy like that? Oh, well, I don't know. I guess I thought he was strong like you. And I guess I was in a hurry. You know how a girl gets to thinking the right man will never come along. And then, when he does, well, what is a poor girl to? Huh? Oh, you're so strong and so masterful. You, you just take what you want. But life, well, life isn't so easy for a girl, you know. You big, strong men just can't imagine the, well, the toil and the strife and the hardship. The tears endless waiting for, well, for the right man. Yeah, that's terrible. It makes some women hard. But I wouldn't let that happen to me. Because I, I knew someday you'd come. Yeah, but how did you know it was me? Well, no girl just knows these things. I felt it from the moment you came into the store. You saw how I looked at you. Yeah. Hey, uh, I'm sorry, uh, you know about the gun. I hope I didn't frighten you. Oh, what was the gun compared to the look in your eyes? From the moment I saw you standing there, it was bigger than both of us. Baby, you and me, we could make beautiful music together. Let's grab the dough out of the cash register and lamb it for Mexico. Anything you say, handsome. I'll get the money. Hey, uh, can you get over, Eric? All right, I can get it for you. No, no, it's all right. See? Now all I do is push the button, reach in the compartment and grab this gun. You, you, you shot the gun out of my hand, honey. Don't you, honey, me, you, you thief. But Mexico. Did you really think I fell for you? Well, what kind of a woman do you think I am? This is a man I love. Oh, Eric, honey, can you ever forgive me? But it's the only way I had to fool you, too, to save us both. Oh, Eric, Eric, there was no other way. You, you mean you really love that when you could have had me? Oh, he may be a weakling, a simpering, yellow-livered coward, afraid of his own shadow, but at least he's honest. If nothing, absolutely nothing else. And I love him. Eric, Eric, honey, Eric, wake up. You've got to call the police, Eric. And that's just the way it happened, Mrs. Madison? Well, I may have forgotten something, but that's just about how it happened, Inspector. You're a very brave woman, Mrs. Madison. Well, thank you, Sergeant. And now if you don't mind, my husband and I will, we really should be getting back. Oh, of course, of course. Sergeant Quinn, will you have those statements typed? It won't take long, Mrs. Madison. Save your trip later. Later? Yes, if you'll just wait for about five minutes and sign the prepared statements, then you won't have to come back and sign them later. But I, I'm all right. That's why, Mrs. Madison, it won't take long, ma'am. You'll probably be back in the store within an hour. Inspector, I guess I owe you a cup of coffee. Guess you do, all right. Three people at the scene of the crime, three different stories. Yeah. Which one exposes a true story? One of them's got to be right. We may never know. Too bad you haven't got that waiting room of yours bugged. Sergeant Quinn. Oh, well, well, I mean, I mean, that is, I, I know it wouldn't be right. But no, no buts about it. Oh, I, I just spent out of curiosity. The very idea that we might listen in on a private conversation between two such civic-minded citizens should be a ball into a good police officer. Yes. That kind of eavesdropping went up with rubber hoses in the third degree. I know, I'm sorry, sir. All right, all right now. Now you better give those statements to the typists. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, yes, sir. And you might as well take Merton downstairs and book him for the crime. Oh, okay, Chief. Too bad we haven't got the room bugged. And I had such wonderful high hopes for that boy. Would be interesting, no? I suppose the man found himself in earshot it wouldn't be eavesdropping. Say if there was a chair right here by the door and the fella just happened to stand up on it so that his head was next to the transom and the transom would open just a little bit. A few minutes, a few minutes. We should be over the state line by now. State line? What did you tell him a story like that? I didn't know I was going to be telling any story at all. I thought I did real well for this further moment. You thought. Don't make me laugh. And listen, you, it was your idea to blow the whistle on that bum. Big man. Wouldn't that make a funny joke? Listen, if they'd have looked in that storeroom and found the guy that really owned the market the way we tied him up. Look, we knock over a market and a guy tries to knock us over while we're doing it. I tell you, it was the only way. Yeah, well, if I had my way that bum would be wrapped up with some cold cuts and at the bottom of the river right now. Jump and jupiter. Hello. Hello. This is Lafferty. Send a uniformed officer into my waiting room and tell him to rest the two people in there for armed robbery. That's right. Yes, my waiting room. Then send a card to the Pinedale market. Tell the patrolman they'll find the proprietor tied up in the back room. Look, look, don't, don't, don't ask questions just do as I say. Yes, that's all. No, no, no. Wait, wait, just a minute. Catch Sergeant Quinn and tell him to release Merton, not to book him. That's all. Sugar and cream in your coffee, Inspector? No, Black, thank you. Really got to hand it to you, Chief, the way you figured out that case. Clever investigation. Well, Sergeant, you're bound to learn a little something after 20 years on the force. Funny thing. I thought Al Merton was going to cry when I let him go. Wanted to know if maybe I couldn't stick him with impersonating an officer. I guess he's just lost on the outside. You know, you know, I'll bet he figures out another way to cop a rap, get himself set up. No, no, I don't think so. All right, everybody, this is a stick up. Better all stand still because I'm a mighty tough customer. This ain't a bunch of grapes I got in my pocket, you know. Oh, hi, Inspector. All right, Al, you win. Let's go home. This is Bob Hope again. Remember a few minutes ago at the start of this program, we heard that family theater's only purpose was to urge everyone to pray, to pray together as families. And that figures. Besides the good it does for individual families and the individuals in the family, there's a big public factor involved. The factor of peace and stability of the chance of a little happiness, perhaps for the whole wide world. That's the answer and the one that a lot of the big books don't give us. It isn't so very complicated. In fact, it's as simple as the heart of a child. Family theater believes, and I agree with them, that that is what we've lost. Simplicity, family unity, dependence on God. And that is why every week over this station, family theater tells us over and over, without ever getting tired of repeating it, that if we want to get back to God's plan, we've got to meet the plan halfway. That a nation is only as strong as its families. And that means the ones that don't break up. And that the family that prays together stays together. That's all I'll get in the act. More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of. Hollywood Family Theater has brought you transcribed, Citizens Arrest. Bob Hope was your host. Featured in our cast were Jack Krushen, Marvin Miller, Gigi Pearson, Pat McGeehan and Herb Vigrant. The script was written and directed for Family Theater by Robert Hugh O'Sullivan, with music composed and conducted by Harry Zimmerman. This series of Family Theater broadcasts is made possible by the thousands of you who feel the need for this type program, by the mutual network which has responded to this need, and by the hundreds of stars of stage, screen and radio who give so unselfishly of their time and talent to appear on our Family Theater stage. To them and to you, our humble thanks. This is George Crowell expressing the wish of Family Theater that the blessing of God may be upon you and your home and inviting you to be with us next week when Family Theater will present. The criminal starring Lyle Betker, Gene Lockhart, will be your host. Join us, won't you? America is still at war against death and disease, and the most important weapon is blood. Why not enlist your blood? Call your local Red Cross today for an appointment to help save a life. You'll be glad you did. Remember, call your local Red Cross for an appointment to help save a life. Family Theater will be presented again next week at this time. This is the Mutual Don Lee Broadcasting System.