 Chapter 10 In Which Our Travelers Meet With a Very Extraordinary Adventure Just as Jones and his friend came to the end of their dialogue in the preceding chapter, they arrived at the bottom of a very steep hill. Here Jones stopped short, and directing his eyes upwards stood for a while silent. At length he called to his companion and said, Partridge, I wish I was at the top of this hill. It must certainly afford a most charming prospect, especially by this light. For the solemn gloom which the moon casts on all objects is beyond expression beautiful, especially to an imagination which is desirous of cultivating melancholy ideas. A very probably, answered Partridge, but if the top of the hill be properous to produce melancholy thoughts, I suppose the bottom is the likeliest to produce merry ones, and these I take to be much the better of the two. I protest to have made my blood run cold with the very mentioning of the top of that mountain, which seems to me to be one of the highest in the world. No, no, if we look for anything, let it be for a place underground to screen ourselves from the frost. Do so, said Jones, let it be but within hearing range of this place, and I will hollow to you when I return back. Surely, sure, you are not mad, said Partridge. Indeed I am, answered Jones, if ascending this hill is madness. But as you complain so much of the cold already, I would have you stay below. I will certainly return to you within an hour. Pardon me, sir, cries Partridge. I have determined to follow you wherever you go. Indeed he was now afraid to stay behind, for though he was coward enough in all respects, yet his chief fear was that of ghosts, with which the present time of night and the wildness of the place extremely well suited. At this instance, Partridge aspired a glimmering light through some trees, which seemed very near to them. He immediately cried out in rapture, oh, sir, heaven hath at last heard my prayers, and hath brought us to a house. Perhaps it may be an inn. Let me beseech you, sir. If you have any compassion, either for me or for yourself, do not despise the goodness of Providence, but let us go directly to yon light. Whether it be a public house or no, I am sure, if they be Christians that dwell there, they will not refuse a little house-room to persons in our miserable condition. Jones at length yielded to the earnest supplications of Partridge, and both together made directly towards the place whence the light issued. They soon arrived at the door of this house, or cottage, for it might be called either, with much impropriety. Here Jones knocked several times without receiving any answer from within, at which Partridge, whose head was full of nothing but ghosts, devils, witches, and the like, began to tremble, crying, Lord have mercy on us, surely the people must be all dead. I can see no light neither now, and yet I am certain I saw a candle burning a moment before. Well, I have heard of such things. What hest thou heard of? said Jones. The people were either fast asleep, or probably, as this is a lonely place, are afraid to open the door. He then began to vociferate pretty loudly, and at last an old woman, opening an uppercase man, asked who they were and what they wanted. Jones answered they were travelers who had lost their way, and having seen a light in the window, had been led thither in hopes of finding some fire to warm themselves. Where you are, cries the woman, you have no business here, nor shall I open the door to anyone at this time of night. Partridge, whom the sound of human voice had recovered from his fright, fell to the most earnest supplications to be admitted for a few minutes of fire, saying he was almost dead with cold, to which fear had indeed contributed equally with the forest. He assured her that the gentleman who spoke to her was one of the greatest squires in the country, and made use of every argument save one which Jones afterward effectually added, and this was, the promise of half a crown, a bribe too great to be resisted by such a person, especially as the gentile appearance of Jones, which the light of the moon plainly discovered to her, together with his affable behavior, had entirely subdued those apprehensions of thieves which she had at first conceived. She agreed, therefore, at last to let them in, where Partridge, to his infinite joy, found a good fire ready for his reception. The poor fellow, however, had no sooner warmed himself, than those thoughts, which were always uppermost in his mind, began to little to disturb his brain. There was no article of his creed in which he hid stronger faith than he had in witchcraft. Nor can the reader conceive of a figure more adapted to inspire this idea than the old woman who now stood before him. She answered exactly to that picture drawn by Ottaway and his orphan. Indeed, if this woman had lived in the reign of James I, her appearance alone would have hanged her, almost without any evidence. Many circumstances likewise conspired to confirm Partridge in his opinion. Her living, as he then imagined, by herself and so lonely a place, and in a house, the outside of which seemed much too good for her, but its inside was furnished with the most neat and elegant manner. To say the truth, Jones himself was not a little surprised at what he saw, for, besides the extraordinary neatness of the room, it was adorned with a great number of knick-knacks and curiosities which might have engaged the attention of a virtue of so. While Jones was admiring these things, Partridge set trembling with the firm belief that he was in the house of a witch, the old woman said, I hope, gentlemen, that you will make what haste you can, for I expect my master presently, and I would not, for double the money, he should find you here. Then you have a master, cried Jones. Indeed, you will excuse me, good woman, but I was surprised to see all those fine things in your house. Ah, sir, she said, if the twentieth part of these things were mine, I should think myself a rich woman, but praise her, do not stay much longer, for I look for him in every minute. Why, sure he would not be angry with you, said Jones, for doing a common act of charity. Lack of day, sir, said she, he is a strange man, not at all like other people. He keeps no company with anybody, and seldom walks out by night, for he does not care to be seen, and all the country people are as much afraid of meeting him, for his dress is enough to frighten those who are not used to it. They call him the man of the hill, for there he walks by night, and the country people are not, I believe, more afraid of the devil himself. He would be terribly angry if he found you here. Pracer, says Partridge, don't let us offend the gentleman. I am ready to walk, and was never warmer in my life. Do praise her, let us go. Here are pistols over by the chimney. Who knows whether they be charged or no, or what he may do with them. Fear nothing, Partridge, cries Jones. I will secure thee from danger, nay for matter of that. He never doth any mischief, says the woman. But to be sure, it is necessary he should keep some arms for his own safety. For this house have been beset more than once, and it is not many nights ago that we thought we heard thieves about it. For my own part I have often wondered that he is not murdered by some villain or other as he walks out by himself at such hours. But then, as I said, the people are afraid of him. And besides, they think, I suppose, he has nothing about him worth taking. I should imagine, by this collection of rarities, cried Jones, that your master had been a traveller. Yes, sir, answered she. He hath been a very great one. There are few gentlemen no more of all matters than he. I fancy he hath been crossed in love, or whatever it is I know not. But I have lived with him above these thirty years, and in all that time he hath hardly spoke to six living people. She then again solicited their departure, in which she was backed by Partridge. But Jones purposefully protracted the time, for his curiosity was greatly raised to see this extraordinary person. Though the old woman, therefore, concluded every one of her answers with desiring him to be gone, and Partridge proceeded so far as to pull him by the sleeve, he still continued to invent new questions till the old woman, with an infighting countenance, declared she heard her master signal. And at the same instant, more than one voice was heard, without the door, crying, Doon, your blood, show us your money this instant, your money, you villain, or we will blow your brains about your ears. Oh, good heavens, cried the woman. Some villains, to be sure, have attacked my master. What shall I do? How, cried Jones, how are these pistols loaded? Oh, good sir, there is nothing in them indeed. Oh, pray don't murder us, gentlemen, for in reality she now had the same opinion of those within as she had of those without. Jones made her no answer, but snatching an old bored sword, which hung in the room. He instantly sallied out, where he found the old gentleman struggling with two ruffians, and begging for mercy. Jones asked no questions, but fell so briskly to work with his broadsword, that the fellows immediately quitted their hold, and without offering to attack our hero, but took themselves to their heels, and made their escape. For he did not attempt to pursue them, being contented with having delivered the old gentleman. And indeed he concluded he had pretty well done their business, for both of them, as they ran off, cried out with bitter oaths, that they were dead men. Jones presently ran to lift up the old gentleman, who had been thrown down in the scuffle, expressing, at the same time, great concern, lest he should have received any harm from the villains. The old man stared a moment at Jones, and then cried, No sir, no, I have very little harm, thank you, Lord have mercy upon me. I see, sir, said Jones, you are not free from apprehensions, even of those who have had the happiness to be your deliverers. No, nor can I blame any suspicions which you may have. But indeed you have no real occasion for any, here are none but your friends present. Having missed our way this cold night, we took the liberty of warming ourselves at your fire, once we were just departing when we heard you call for assistance, which, I must say, Providence alone seems to have sent you. Providence indeed cried the old gentleman, if it be so. So it is, I assure you, cried Jones. Here is your own sword, sir, I have used it in your defense, and I now return it to your hand. The old gentleman, having received the sword, which was stained with the blood of his enemies, looked steadfastly at Jones during some moments, and then, with a sigh, cried out, You will pardon me, young gentleman. I was not always a suspicious temper, nor am I a friend to ingratitude. Be thankful, then, cries Jones, to that Providence to which you owe your deliverance. As to my part, I have only discharged the common duties of humanity, and what I would have done for any other fellow creature in your situation. Let me look at you a little longer, cries the old gentleman. You are a human creature, then? Well, perhaps you are. Compray, walk into my little hut. You have been my deliverer, indeed. The old woman was distracted between the fears which she had of her master, and for him, and partridge was, if possible, in a greater fright. The former of these, however, when she heard her master speak kindly to Jones, and perceived what had happened, came again to herself. But partridge no sooner saw the gentleman, than the strangeness of his dress infused greater terrors into that poor fellow than he had before felt, either from the strange descriptions which he had heard, or from the uproar which had happened at the door. To say the truth, it was an appearance which might have affected a more constant mind than that of Mr. Partridge. This person was of the tallest size, with a long beard as white as snow. His body was clothed with the skin of an ass made something into the form of a coat. He wore likewise boots on his legs, and a cap on his head, both composed of the skin of some other animals. As soon as the old gentleman came into his house, the old woman began her congratulations on his happy escape from the Ruffians. Yes, Coyote he. I have escaped indeed, thanks to my preserver. Oh, the blessing on him, answered she. He is a good gentleman, I warrant him. I was afraid your worship would have been angry with me for letting him in, and to be certain I should not have done it, and had not I seen by the moonlight, that he was a gentleman, and almost frozen to death. But to be certain, it must have been some good angel that sent him hither, and tempted me to do it. I am afraid, sir, said the old gentleman to Jones, that I have nothing in this house which you can either eat or drink, unless you will accept a dram of brandy, of which I can give you some most excellent, and which I have had by me these thirty years. Jones declined this offer in a very civil and proper speech, and then the other asked him whether he was traveling when he missed his way, saying, I must own myself surprised to see such a person as you appear to us, journeying on foot at this time of night. I suppose, sir, you are a gentleman of these parts, for you do not look like one who is used to travel far without horses. Appearances, cried Jones, are often deceitful. Men sometimes look, but they are not. I assure you I am not of this country, and whether I am traveling in reality I scarce knows myself. Whoever you are, or whither soever you are going, answered the old man, I have obligations to you which I can never return. I once more replied Jones, a firm that you have none, for there can be no merit in having hazarded that in your service, on which I set no value, and nothing is so contemptible in my eyes as life. I am sorry, young gentleman, answered the stranger, that you have any reason to be so unhappy at your years. Indeed I am, sir, the most unhappy of mankind. Perhaps you have had a friend, or a mistress, replied the other. How could you, cried Jones, mention two words sufficient to drive me to distraction? Either of them are enough to drive any man to distraction, answered the old man. I inquire no farther, sir. Perhaps my curiosity has led me too far already. Indeed, sir, cried Jones, I cannot censure a passion which I feel at this instant in the highest degree. You will pardon me when I assure you, that everything which I have seen or heard since I first entered this house hath conspired to raise the greatest curiosity in me. Something very extraordinary must have determined you to this course of life, and that I have reason to fear your own history is not without misfortunes. Here the old gentleman again sighed, and remained silent for some minutes. At last, looking earnestly on Jones, he said, I have read that a good countenance is a letter of recommendation. If so, none ever can be more strongly recommended than yourself. If I did not feel some yearnings towards you from another consideration, I must be the most ungrateful monster upon the earth. And I am really concerned. It is no otherwise in my power than by words to convince you of my gratitude. Jones, after a moment's hesitation, answered, that it was in his power by words to gratify him extremely. I have confessed to curiosity, said he. Sir, need I say how much obliged I should be to you, if you would condescend to gratify it? Will you suffer me, therefore, to beg, unless any consideration restrains you, that you should be pleased to acquaint me what motives have induced you thus to withdraw from the society of mankind and to retake yourself to the course of life to which it sufficiently appears you were not born? I scarcely think myself at liberty to refuse you anything after what had happened. Replied the old man. If you desire, therefore, to hear the story of an unhappy man, I will relate it to you. Indeed, you judge rightly, and thinking there is commonly something extraordinary in the fortunes of those who fly from society. For, however, it may seem a paradox or even a contradiction, certain it is that great philanthropy chiefly inclines us to avoid and detest mankind, not on account of so much of their private and selfish vices, but for those of a relative kind, such as envy, malice, treachery, cruelty, with every other species of malevolence. These are vices which true philanthropy abhors, and which rather than see and converse with, she avoids society itself. However, without a compliment to you, do not appear to me one of those whom I should shun or detest. Nay, I must say, in what little hath dropped from you, there appears some parity in our fortunes. I hope, however, yours will conclude more successfully. Here some compliments pass between our hero and his host, and then the latter was going to begin his story when Partridge interrupted him. His apprehensions had now pretty well left him, but some effects of his terrors remained. He therefore reminded the gentleman of that excellent brandy which he had mentioned. This was presently brought, and Partridge swallowed a large bumper. The gentleman then, without any further preface, began as you may read in the next chapter. Chapter 11, in which the man of the hill begins to relate his history. I was born in a village of Somersetshire, called Mark, in the year of 1657. My father was one of those whom they called a gentleman farmers. He had a little estate of about three hundred pounds a year, of his own, and rented another estate of near the same value. He was prudent and industrious and so good a husband man, that he might have led a very easy and comfortable life, had not an errant fixin' of a wife sourd his domestic quiet. But though his circumstance perhaps made him miserable, it did not make him poor, for he confined her almost entirely at home, and rather chose to bear eternal upbratings in his own house, than to injure his fortune by indulging her in the extravagancies she desired abroad. By this Santhippe, so was the wife of Socrates called, said Partridge. By this Santhippe he had two sons, of which I was the younger. He designed to give us both good education, but my elder brother, who, unhappily for him, was a favorite of my mother, utterly neglecting his learning, in so much that, after having been five or six years at school, little or no improvement, my father, being told by his master, that it would be to no purpose to keep him longer there. At last complied with my mother in taking him home from the hands of that tyrant, as she called his master. Though indeed he gave the lad much less correction than his idleness deserved, but much more, it seems, than the young gentleman liked, who consistently complained to his mother of his severe treatment, and she as constantly gave him a hearing. Yes, yes, Christ Partridge. I have seen such mothers. I have been abused myself by them, and very unjustly, such parents deserve correction as much as their children. Jones chide the pedagogue for his interruption, and then the stranger proceeded. My brother now, at the age of fifteen, bated due to all learning and to everything else but to his dog and gun, with which the latter he became so expert that, though perhaps you may think it incredible, he could not only hit a standing mark with great certainty, but heth it actually shot a crow as it was flying in the air. He was likewise excellent at finding a hair-sitting, and was soon reputed one of the best sportsmen in the country, a reputation which both he and his mother enjoyed as much, as if he had been thought the finest scholar. The situation of my brother made me at first think my lot the harder, and being continued at school. But I soon changed my opinion. For as I advanced pretty fast in learning, my labors became easy, and my exercise so delightful that holidays were my most unpleasant time. For my mother, who never loved me, now apprehending that I had the greater share of my father's affection and finding, or at least thinking, that I was more taken notice of by some gentleman of learning, and particularly by the person of the parish than my brother. She now hated my sight, and made home so disagreeable to me, that what is called by schoolboys Black Monday was to me the whitest in the whole year. Having at length gone to the school at Taunton, I was thence removed to Exeter College in Oxford where I remained four years, at the end of which an accident took me off entirely from my studies, and hence I may truly date the rise of all which happened to me afterward in life. There was at the same college with myself one Sir George Grisham, a young fellow who was entitled to a very considerable fortune, which he was not, by the will of his father, to come into full possession till he arrived at the age of twenty-five. However, the liberality of his guardians gave him little cause to regret the abundance caution of his father, for they allowed him five hundred pounds a year while he remained at the university, where he kept his horses in his whore, and lived as wicked and as profligate a life as he could have done, had he been never so entirely master of his fortune. For besides the five hundred a year which he had received from his guardians, he found means to spend a thousand more. He was above the age of twenty-one and had no difficulty in gaining what credit he pleased. This young fellow, among many other tolerable bad qualities, had won very diabolical. He had a great delight in destroying and ruining the youth of inferior fortune by drawing them into expenses which they could not afford so well as himself. And the better, and worthier, and soberer any young man was, the greater pleasure and triumph he had in his destruction, thus acting the character which is recorded of the devil, and going about, seeking whom he might devour. It was my misfortune to fall into the acquaintance and intimacy with this gentleman. My reputation of diligence and my studies made me a desirable object of his mischievous intention, and my own inclination made it sufficiently easy for him to affect his purpose. For though I had applied myself with much interest rate of books, in which I took great delight, there were other pleasures in which I was capable of taking much greater. For I was high-metted, had a violent flow of animal spirits, was a little ambitious, and extremely amorous. I had not long contracted an intimacy with Sir George before he became a partaker of all his pleasure, and when I was once entered on that scene, neither my inclination nor my spirit would suffer me to play an underpart. I was second to none in the company in acts of debauchery. Nay, I soon distinguished myself so notably in all rights and disorders that my name generally stood first in the role of delinquents. And instead of being lamented at this unfortunate pupil of Sir George, I was now accused as the person who had misled the debauched and hopeful young gentleman. For though he was the ringleader and promoter of all the mischief, he was never so considered. I fell at last under the censure of the vice chancellor and very narrowly escaped expulsion. You will easily believe, Sir, that such a life as I am now describing must be incompatible with my further progress in learning, and that in proportion as I addicted myself more and more to loose pleasure, I must grow more and more remiss in application to my studies. This was truly the consequence, but this was not all. My expenses now greatly exceeded not only my former income, but those additions which I had extorted from my poor generous father on pretenses of some's being necessary for preparing for my approaching degree of the Bachelor of Arts. These demands, however, grew at last so frequent and exorbitant that my father by slow degrees opened his ears to the accounts which he received from many quarters of my present behavior, in which my mother failed not to echo very faithfully and loudly, adding, I, this is the fine gentleman, scholar who deaths so much honor to his family, and is to be the making of it. I thought what all this learning would come to. He is to be the ruin of us all, I find, after his elder brother hath been denied necessaries for his sake to perfect his education forsooth, for which he was to pay us such interests. I thought what the interest would come to, with much more of the same kind, but I have, I believe, satisfied you with this taste. My father, therefore, began now to return remonstrances instead of money to my demands, which brought my affairs perhaps a little sooner to a crisis. But had he remitted me his whole income, you will imagine it could have sufficed a very short time to support one who kept pace with the expense of Sir George Grisham. It is more than possible that the distress I was now in for money, and the impractability of going on in this manner, might have restored me at once to my senses into my studies, had I opened my eyes before I became involved in the deaths from which I saw no hopes of ever extricating myself. This was indeed the great art of Sir George, and by which he accomplished the ruin of many, whom he afterwards laughed at as fools and cox-combs, for vying, as he called it, with the man of his fortune. To bring this about, he would now and then advance a little money himself, in order to support the credit of the unfortunate youth with other people, till, by means of that very credit, he was irretrievably undone. My mind being, by these means, grown as desperate as my fortune, there was scarce a wickedness which I did not meditate in order for my relief. Self-murder itself became the subject of my serious deliberation, and I had certainly resolved on it, had not a more shameful, though perhaps less sinful, thought expelled it from my head. He hesitated a moment, and then cried out, I protest so many years have not washed away the shame of this act, and I shall blush while I relate it. Jones desired him to pass over anything that might give him pain in relation, but Partridge eagerly cried out, Oh, Pricer, let us hear this! I had rather hear this than all the rest, as I hoped to be saved I will not mention a word of it. Jones was going to rebuke him, but the stranger prevented it by a proceeding thus. I had a chum, a very prudent, frugal young lad who, though he had no very large allowance, had by his parsimony heaped upwards of forty guineas, which I knew he kept in his escotoir. I took therefore an opportunity of proloining his key from his breeches pocket, while he was asleep, and thus made myself master of all his riches, after which I again conveyed his key into his pocket and counterfeiting sleep, though I never once closed my eyes, lay in bed till after he arose and went to prayers, an exercise to which I had long been accustomed. Timorous thieves, by extreme caution, often subject themselves to discoveries, which those of a bolder kind escape. Thus it happened to me, for I had boldly broke open his escotoir. I had perhaps escaped him his suspicion, but as it was plain that the person who robbed him had possessed himself of his key, he had no doubt, when he first missed the money, but that his chum was certainly the thief. Now, as he was a fearful disposition, and much my inferior in strength, and I believe in courage, he did not dare to confront me with my guilt, for fear of worse bodily consequences which might happen to him. He repaired therefore immediately to the vice chancellor, and upon swearing to the robbery, into the circumstances of it, very easily obtained a warrant against one, who had now so bad a character, through the whole university. Luckily for me, I lay out of the college the next evening, for that day I attended a young lady in a chase to Whitney, where we stayed all night, and on our return the next morning to Oxford, I met one of my cronies who acquainted me with sufficient news concerning myself to make me turn my horse another way. A praiser! Did he mention anything of the warrants? said Partridge. But Jones begged the gentleman to proceed without regarding any impertinent questions, which he did as follows. Having now abandoned all thoughts of returning to Oxford, the next thing which offered itself was the journey to London. I imparted this attention to my female companion, who at first remonstrated against it. But upon producing my wealth she immediately consented. We then struck across the country, into the great Siren Center Road, and made such haste that we spent the next evening save one in London. When you consider the place where I now was, and the company with whom I was, you will, I fancy conceive, that a very short time brought me to the end of that sum of which I had so iniquitously possessed myself. I was now reduced to a much higher degree of distress than before, the necessities of life began to be numbered among my once, and what made my case still the more grievous was, that my paramour of whom I was now grown in moderately fond shared the same distresses with myself. To see a woman you love in distress, to be unable to relieve her, and at the same time to reflect that you have brought her into this situation, is perhaps a curse of which no imagination can represent the horrors to those who have not felt it. I believe it from my soul, cries Jones, and I pity you from the bottom of my heart, and then took two or three disorderly turns about the room. And at last beg pardon and flung himself into his chair, crying, I thank heaven I have escaped that. This circumstance continued the gentleman, so severely aggravated the horrors of my present situation that they became absolutely intolerable. I could with less pain endure the raging of my own natural unsatisfied appetites, even hunger or thirst, then I could submit to leave ungratified the most whimsical desires of a woman on whom I so extravagantly doted, that, though I knew she had been the mistress of half my acquaintance, I firmly intended to marry her. But the good creature was unwilling to consent to an action, which the world might thank so much to my disadvantage. And as possibly she compassionate the daily anxieties which she must have perceived me suffer on her account, she resolved to put an end to my distress. She soon, indeed, found means to relieve me from my troublesome and perplexed situation. For while I was distracted with various inventions to supply her with pleasures, she very kindly, portrayed me to one of her former lovers at Oxford, by whose care and diligence I was immediately apprehended and committed to jail. Here I first began to seriously reflect on the miscarriages of my former life, on the errors I had been guilty of, on the misfortunes which I had brought on myself, and on the grief which I must have occasioned to one of the best of fathers. When I added to all these the perfidy of my mistress, such was the horror of my mind that life, instead of being longer desirable, grew the object of my abhorrence, and I could have gladly embraced death as my dearest friend if it had offered itself to my choice unintended by shame. The time of the assizes soon came, and I was removed by habeas corpus to Oxford, where I expected certain conviction and condemnation. But to my great surprise, none appeared against me, and I was, at the end of the sessions, discharged for one of prosecution. In short, my chum had left Oxford, and whither, from indolence, or from what other motive I am ignorant, had declined concerning himself any farther in the affair. A perhaps, cries Partridge. He did not care to have your blood upon his hands, as he was in his right aunt. If any person was to be hanged upon my evidence, I should never be able to lie alone afterwards for fear of seeing his ghost. I shall surely doubt, Partridge, says Jones, whether thou art more brave or wise. He may laugh at me, sir, if you please, answered Partridge. But if you will hear a very short story which I can tell, and which is most certainly true, perhaps you may change your opinion. In the parish where I was born, here Jones would have silenced him, but the stranger interceded that he might be permitted to tell his story, and in the meantime promised to recollect the remainder of his own. Partridge then proceeded thus. In the parish where I was born, there lived a farmer whose name was Bridal, and he had a son named Francis, a good hopeful young fellow. I was at grammar school with him, where I remember he was got into Ovid's pistols, and he could construe you three lines together sometimes without looking into the dictionary. Besides all this, he was a very good lad, and never missed church of Sundays, and was reckoned one of the best palm singers in the whole parish. He would indeed now and then take a cup too much, and that was the only fault he had. Well, but come to the ghost, cried Jones. Never fear, sir, I shall come to him soon enough, answered Partridge. You must know, then, that Farmer Bridal lost a mare, a sorrow one, to the best of my remembrance, and so it fell out that this young Francis shortly afterward being at a fair in Hinden, and as I think it was on, I can't remember the day, and being, as he was, what should he happen to me but a man upon his father's mare? Frank caught out presently, stop, thief, and at being in the middle of the fair, it was impossible, you know, for the man to make his escape. So they apprehended him, and carried him before the justice. I remember it was Justice Willoughby of Noil, a very worthy good gentleman, and he committed him to present, and bound Frank in a recognizance, I think they called it, a hard word compounded of a re in a cognizant, but it differs in its meaning from the use of the simple, as may other compounds do. Well, at last down came my Lord Justice Page to hold the assisances, and so the fellow was had up, and Frank was had up, for witness. To be sure, I shall never forget the face of the judge when he began to ask him what he had to say against the prisoner. He may poor Frank tremble in shaken shoes. Well, you fellow, says my Lord. What have you to say? Don't stand humming and hauling, but speak out. But, however, he soon turned altogether as civil to Frank, and began to thunder at the fellow. And when he asked him if he had anything to say for himself, the fellow said, he had found the horse. I entered the judge. They were a lucky fellow. I have traveled the circuit these forty years, and have never found a horse in my life. I'll tell you what, friend, thou was more lucky than thou didst know of. For thou didst not only find a horse, but a halt or two. I promise thee. But, to be sure, I shall never forget the word, upon which everybody fell laughing, as how could they help it? Nay, in the twenty other justice he made, which I can't remember now. There was something about his skill in horse flesh, which made all the fugs laugh. To be certain, the judge must have been a very brave man, as well as a man of much learning. It is indeed charming sport to hear the trials upon life and death. One thing I own I thought a little hard, that the prisoner's counsel was not suffered to speak for him, that he desired only to be heard one very short word, but my lord would not hearken to him, that he suffered a counselor to talk against him, for about half an hour. I thought it hard, I own, that there should be so many of them, my lord, in the court, the jury, and the jury, and the counselors and the witnesses, all upon one poor man, and he too in chains. Well, the poor fellow was hanged, as to be sure it could be no otherwise, and poor Frank could never be easy about it. He never was in the dark alone, but he fancied he saw the fellow's spirit. Well, is this thy story? Christ Jones. No, no, answered Partridge. O Lord, have mercy upon me, I am just now coming to the matter. For one night, coming from the alehouse, in a long, narrow dark lane, there he ran directly up against him, and the spirit was all in white, and fell upon Frank, and Frank, who was a sturdy lad, fell upon the spirit again, and though they had a tussle together, and poor Frank was dreadfully beat, indeed he made a shift at last to crawl home. But what with the beating, and what with the fright, he lay ill above a fortnight. And all this is more certainly true, and the whole parish will bear witness to it. The stranger smiled at this story, and Jones burst into a loud fit of laughter upon which Partridge cried, Ah, you may laugh, sir, but so did some others, particularly the squire, who was thought to be no better than an atheist, who, forsooth, because there was a calf with a white face found dead in the same lane the next morning, would feign have it that the battle was between Frank and that, as if a calf would set upon a man. Besides, Frank told me he knew it to be the spirit, and he could swear to him in any court in Christendom, and he had not drank above a court or two, or such a matter of liquor at the time. Lord have mercy upon us, and keep us all from dipping our hands into blood, I say. Well, sir, said Jones to the stranger, Mr. Partridge has finished his story, and I hope you will give no further interruption, if you will be so kindest to proceed. He then resumed his narration, that as he had taken a breath for a while, we think it proper to give it to our reader, and shall therefore put an end to this chapter. Chapter 12, in which the man of the hill continues his history. I had now regained my liberty, said the stranger, but had lost my reputation, for there was a wide difference between the case of a man who was barely acquitted of a crime in the court of justice, and of him who was acquitted in his own heart, and in the opinion of other people. I was conscious of my guilt, and ashamed to look at anyone in the face. So resolved to leave Oxford the next morning before the daylight discovered me to the eyes of any beholders. When I had got clear of the city, it first entered into my head to return home to my father, and endeavour to attain his forgiveness. But as I had no reason to doubt his knowledge of all which had passed, as I was well assured of his great aversion to all acts of dishonesty, I could entertain no hopes of being received by him, especially since I was too certain of all the good offices in the power of my mother. Nay, I had my father's pardon to be sure, as I conceived his resentment to be. I yet questioned whether I could have had the assurance to behold him, or whether I could, upon any terms, have submitted to live and converse, with those who, I was convinced, knew me to have been guilty of so base in action. I hastened therefore to London, the best retirement of either grief or shame, unless for persons of a very public character. For here you have the advantage of solitude without its disadvantage, since you may be alone and in company at the same time. And while you walk or sit unobserved, noise, hurry, and a constant succession of objects, entertain the mind, and prevent the spirits from praying on themselves, or rather on grief or shame, which are the most unwholesome diet in the world, and on which, though there are many who never taste either but in public, there are some who can feed very plentifully and very fatally, when alone. But as there is scarce any human good without its concomitant evil, so there are people who find it inconvenience in this unobserving temper of mankind. I mean persons who have no money, for as you are not put out of countenance, so neither are you clothed or fed by those who do not know you, and demand may be as easily starved in Leidenholme market as in the deserts of Arabia. It was at present my fortune to be destitute of that great evil, as it is apprehended to be by several writers who I suppose were overburdened with it, namely, money. With submission, sir, said Partridge, I do not remember any writers who have called it malorum, but irretimenta malorum, effo denunter opeth, irretimenta malorum. While, sir, continued the stranger, whether it be an evil or only the cause of evil, I was entirely void of it, and at the same time of friends, and as I thought of quaintance, when one evening, as I was passing through the inner temple, very hungry and very miserable, I heard a voice on a sudden hailing me with great familiarity by my Christian name, and upon turning about, I presently recollected the person who so saluted me to have been my fellow collegiate, one who had left university above a year, and long before any of my misfortunes had befallen me. This gentleman, whose name was Watson, shook me heartily by the hand, and expressing great joy at meeting me, proposed our immediate drinking a bottle of together. I first declined the proposal, and pretended business, but he was very earnest and pressing. Hunger, at last, overcame my pride, and I fairly confessed to him I had no money in my pocket, yet not without framing a lie for an excuse, and imputing it to having changed my breeches that morning. Mr. Watson answered, I thought, Jack, you and I had been two old quaintances for you to mention such a matter. He then took me by the arm, and was pulling me along, but I gave him very little trouble for my own inclinations pulled me much stronger than he could do. We then went into the fires, which you know is the scene of all mirth and jollity. Here, when we arrived at the tavern, Mr. Watson applied himself to the drawer only, without taking the least notice of the cook, for he had no suspicion but that I had dined long since. However, as the case was really otherwise, I forged another falsehood, and told my companion I had been at the further end of the city on business of consequence, and had snapped up a mutton chop in haste, so that I was again hungry, and wished he would add a beef steak to his bottle. Some people, cries partridge, ought to have good memories. What did you find just enough money in your breeches to pay for the mutton chop? Your observation is right, answered the stranger, and I believe such blunders are inseparable from all dealing and untruth. But to proceed, I began now to feel myself extremely happy. The meat and wine soon revived my spirits to a high pitch, and I enjoyed much pleasure in the conversation of an old acquaintance, the rather, as I had thought him entirely ignorant, of what had happened at the university since his leaving it. But he did not suffer me to remain long in this agreeable delusion, for taking a bumper in one hand, and holding me by the other. Here, my boy, cries he, here is wishing you joy of being so honorably acquitted of that affair laid to your charge. I was thunderstruck with confusion at those words, which Watson, observing, proceeded thus. Nay, never be ashamed, man, thou hast been acquitted, and no one now dares call thee guilty. But pray thee, do tell me, who am thy friend? I hope thou didst really rob him, for wrap me if it was not emeritus action to strip such a sneaking pitiful rascal, and instead of the two hundred guineas I wish you would take in as many thousand. Come, come, my boy, don't be shy of confessing it to me. You are not now brought before one of the pimps. Don me if I don't honor you for it. For, as I hope for salvation, I would have made no manner of scribble of doing the same thing. This declaration a little relieved my abatement, and as wine hid now somewhat open to my heart I very freely acknowledged the robbery, but acquainted him that he had been misinformed as to the sum taken, which was little more than a fifth the part of what he had mentioned. I am sorry for it with all my heart, quote he, and I wish thee better success another time, though, if you will take my advice, you shall have no occasion to run any such risk. Here, said he, taking some dice out of his pocket. Here is the stuff. Here are the implements. Here are our little doctors, which cure the distemperers of the purse. Follow my counsel, and I will show you a way to empty the pocket of a queer call without any danger of nubbing cheat. Nubbing cheat, Christ-partridge, pray, sir. What is that? Oh, why that, sir, said the stranger. It's a camp phrase for the gallows. For, as gamesters differ little from highwaymen and their morals, so do they very much resemble them in their language. We now each drank our bottle when Mr. Watson said, the board was sitting, and he must attend earnestly pressing me at the same time to go with him and try my fortune. I answered he knew that was present out of my power, as I formed him of the emptiness of my pocket. To say the truth, I doubted not from his many strong expressions of friendship, but that he would have offered to lend me a small sum for that purpose, but he answered, I'd never mind that, man. Even boldly run an event, Partridge was going to inquire the meaning of that word, but Jones stopped his mouth. But be circumspect, as to the man, I will tip you to the proper person, which may be necessary, as you do not know the person, nor can distinguish a rum call from a queer one. The bill was now brought when Watson paid his share and was departing. I reminded him, not without blushing, of my having no money. He answered, that signifies nothing. Score it behind the door or make a bold brush and take no notice, or stay, says he. I will go downstairs first, and then do you take up my money and score the whole reckoning at the bar, and I will wait for you at the corner. I expressed some dislike at this, and hinted my expectation that he would have deposited the whole, but he swore he had not, another six pence in his pocket. He then went down, and I was prevailed on to take up the money and follow him, which I did close enough to hear him tell the drawer the reckoning was upon the table. The drawer passed me upstairs, but I made such haste into the street that I heard nothing of the disappointment, nor did I mention a syllable at the bar according to my instructions. We now went directly to the gaming table, where Mr. Watson, to my surprise, pulled out a large sum of money and placed it before him, as did many others, all of them no doubt, considering their own heaps as so many decoy birds which were to entice and draw over the heaps of their neighbors. Here it would be tedious to relate all of the freaks which fortune, or rather the dice, played in this her temple. Mountains of gold were in a few moments reduced to nothing at one part of the table, and rose as suddenly in another. The rich grew in a moment poor, and the poor as suddenly became rich, so that it seemed a philosopher could nowhere have so well instructed his pupils in the contempt of riches, at least he could nowhere have better inculcated the uncertainty of their duration. For my own part, after having considerably improved my small estate, I at last entirely demolished it. Mr. Watson, too, after much variety of luck, rose from the table in some heat and declared he had lost a cool hundred, and would play no longer. Then coming up to me he asked me to return with him to the tavern, but I positively refused, saying I would not bring myself for the second time into such a dilemma, and especially as he had lost all his money, and was now in my own condition. Poo! says he. I have just borrowed a couple of guineas from a friend, and one of them is at your service. He immediately put one of them into my hand, and I no longer resisted his inclination. I was at first a little shocked in returning to the same house once we had departed in so unhandsome a manner. But when the drawer, with very civil address, told us he believed we had forgot to pay our reckoning, I became perfectly easy and very readily gave him a guinea, bid him pay himself, and acquiesced in the unjust charge which had been laid on my memory. Mr. Watson now bespoke the most extravagant supper he could well think of, and though he had contented himself with simple clarity before, nothing now but the most precious burgundy would serve his purpose. Our company was soon increased by the addition of several gentlemen from the gaming table, most of whom, as I afterwards found, came not to the tavern to drink, but in the way of business. For the true game-sters pretended to be ill and refused their glass, while they plied heartily to young fellows who were to afterwards pillaged, as indeed they were without mercy. Of this plunder I had a good fortune to be a sharer, though I was not yet let into the secret. There was one remarkable accident intended this tavern play. For the money by degrees totally disappeared, so that though at the beginning the table was half covered with gold, yet before the play ended, which it did not until the next day, being Sunday at noon, there was scarce a single guinea to be seen on the table. And this was a stranger, as every person present except myself declared he had lost. And what was become of the money, unless the devil himself carried it away, it is difficult to determine. A most certainly he did, says Partridge, for evil spirits can carry away anything without being seen, though there was never so many folk in a room. And I should not have been surprised if he had carried away all the company of a set of wicked wretches who were all at play in sermon time. And I could tell you a true story, if I would, where the devil took a man out of bed from another man's wife and carried him away through the keyhole of a door. I've seen this very house where it was done, and nobody have lived in it these thirty years. Though Jones was a little offended by this impertinence of Partridge, he could not however avoid smiling at his simplicity. The stranger did the same, and then proceeded with his story as will be seen in the next chapter. My fellow collegiate had now entered me into a new scene of life. I soon became acquainted with the whole fraternity of sharpers, and was led into their secrets, I mean into the knowledge of those gross cheats which are proper to impose upon the raw and unexperienced, for there are some tricks of a finer kind which are known only to a few of the gang who are at the head of their profession, a degree of honor beyond my expectation, for drink, to which I was immoderately addicted, and the natural warmth of my passions prevented me from arriving at any great success in the art which requires as much coolness as the most austere school of philosophy. And Mr. Watson, with whom I now lived in the closest amity, had unluckily the former failing to a very great excess, so that instead of making fortune by his profession, as some others did, he was alternately rich and poor, and was often obliged to surrender to his cooler friends over a bottle he never tasted, that plunder that he had taken from calls in the public table. However, we both made a shift to pick up an uncomfortable livelihood, and for two years I continued of this calling, during which time I tasted all the varieties of fortune, sometimes flourishing in affluence, and at others being obliged to struggle with almost incredible difficulties, today wallowing in luxury, and tomorrow reduced to the coarsest and most homely fare, my fine life was being often on my back in the evening, and at the pawn shop the next morning. One night, as I was returning penniless from the gaming table, I observed a very great disturbance, and a large mob gathering together in the street, as I was in no danger from pickpockets. I ventured into the crowd, whereupon inquiry I found that a man had been robbed and very ill-used by some ruffians. The wounded man appeared very bloody, and seemed able to support himself on his legs. As I had not therefore been deprived of my humanity by my present life and conversation, though they had left me very little of either honesty or shame, I immediately offered my assistance to the unhappy person, who thankfully accepted it, and putting himself under my conduct begged me to convey him to some tavern where he might send for a surgeon, being, as he said, faint with loss of blood. He seemed indeed highly pleased at finding one who appeared in the dress of a gentleman, for as to all the rest of the company present, their outside was such that he could not wisely place any confidence in them. I took the poor man by the arm, and led him to the tavern where we kept our rendezvous, as it happened to be the nearest at hand. A surgeon happening luckily to be in the house immediately attended and applied himself to dressing his wounds, which I had the pleasure to hear were not likely to be mortal. This surgeon, whose name I have forgot, though I remember it began with an R, had the first character in his profession, and was surgeon-surgeon to the king. He had moreover many good qualities, and was very generous and good-natured man, and ready to do any service to his fellow creatures. He offered his patient the use of his chariot to carry him to his inn, and at the same time whispered in his ear that if he want any money he would furnish him. The poor man was not now capable of returning thanks for this generous offer, for having had his eyes for some time steadfastly on me, he threw himself back in his chair crying, oh, my son, my son, and then he fainted away. Many of the people present imagined this accident had happened through his loss of blood, but I, who at the same time began to recollect the features of my father, was now confirmed in my suspicions, and satisfied that it was he himself who appeared before me. I presently ran to him, raised him in my arms, and kissed his cold lips with the utmost eagerness. Here I must draw a curtain over a scene which I cannot describe, for though I did not lose my being, as my father for a while did, my senses were, however, so overpowered with a fright and surprise that I am a stranger to what passed during some minutes, and indeed till my father had again recovered from his swoon, and I found myself in his arms, both tenderly embracing each other, while the tears trickled a pace down the cheeks of each of us. Most of those present seemed affected by this scene, which we, who might be considered as the actors in it, were desirous of removing from the eyes of all spectators as fast as we could. My father, therefore, accepted the kind offer of the surgeon's chariot, and I attended him in it to his inn. When we were alone together, he gently abraded me for having neglected to right hand during so long a time, but entirely omitted the mention of that crime which had occasioned it. He then informed me of my mother's death, and insisted on my returning home with him, saying that he had long suffered the greatest anxiety on my account, that he knew not whether he had most feared my death or wished it since he had so many more dreadful apprehensions for me. At last he said, a neighbouring gentleman who had just recovered a son from the same place, informed him where I was, and that to reclaim me from this course of life was the sole cause of his journey to London. He thanked heaven he had succeeded so far as to find me out by means of an accident which had, like, to have proved fatal to him, and had the pleasure to think he partly owed his preservation to my humanity, which he professed himself to be more delighted than he should have been with my affiliial piety if I had known that the object of my care was my own father. Vice had not so depraved my heart as to excite it in an insensibility of so much paternal affection, though so unworthily bestowed. I presently promised to obey his commands in my return home with him as soon as he was able to travel, which indeed he was in a very few days by the assistance of that excellent surgeon who had undertaken his cure. The day preceding my father's journey, before which time I scarce ever left him, I went to take my leave of some of my most intimate acquaintance, particularly of Mr. Watson, who dissuaded me from burying myself, as he called it, out of a simple compliance with the fond desires of a foolish old fellow. Such solicitations, however, had no effect. Such solicitations, however, had no effect, and I once more saw my own home. My father now greatly solicited me to think of marriage, but my inclinations were utterly averse to any such thoughts. I had tasted of love already, and perhaps you know the extravagant excess of that most tender and most violent passion. Here the old gentleman paused and looked earnestly at Jones, whose countenance, within a minute space, displayed the extremities of both red and white, upon which the old man, without making any observations, renewed his narrative. Being now provided with all the necessities of life, I betook myself once against to study, and that with a more inordinate application than I had ever done formally. The books which now employed my time solely were those, as well Antion as modern, which treat of true philosophy a word which is by many thought to be the subject of verse and ridicule. I now read over the works of Aristotle and Plato, with the rest of those inestimable treasures which Antion agrees to had bequeathed to the world. These authors, though they instructed me in no science by which men may promise to themselves to acquire the least riches or worldly power, taught me, however, the art of despising the highest acquisitions of both. They elevate the mind, and steal and harden it against the capricious invasions of virtue. They not only instruct in the knowledge of wisdom, but confirm men in their habits and demonstrate plainly that this must be our guide, if we propose ever to arrive at the greatest worldly happiness, or to defend ourselves with any intolerable security against the misery which everywhere surrounds and invests us. To this I added another study, compared to which all the philosophy taught by the wisest heathens is little better and is indeed as full of vanity as the silliest gesture ever pleased to represent it. This is that divine wisdom which is alone to be found in the Holy Scriptures, for they impart to us knowledge and assurance of things much more worthy our attention than all which this world can offer to our acceptance. Of things which heaven itself hath condescended to reveal to us, and to the smallest knowledge of which the highest human wit unassisted could never ascend. I began now to think that all the time I had spent with the best heathen writers was little more than labor lost for however pleasant and delightful their lessons may be, or however adequate to the right regulation of our conduct with respect to this world only. Yet when compared with the glory revealed in Scripture, their highest documents will appear as trifling and of as little consequence as the rules by which children regulate their childish little games and pastime. True it is that philosophy makes us wiser, but Christianity makes us better men. Philosophy elevates and steals the mind, Christianity softens and sweetens it. The former makes us the objects of human admiration and the latter of divine love. That ensures us of temporal but this in eternal happiness. But I am afraid I tire you with my rhapsody. Not at all, Christ's Partridge, let forbid we should be tired with good things. I had spent, continued the stranger, about four years in the most delightful manner to myself totally given up to contemplation and entirely unembarrassed with the affairs of the world when I lost the best of fathers and one whom I so entirely loved that my grief at his loss exceeds all description. I now abandoned my books and gave myself up for the whole month to the effects of melancholy and despair. Time, however, the best physician of the mind at length, brought me relief. I, I, Tempest at X, rerum, said Partridge. I then continued the stranger, but took myself again to my former studies which I may say perfected my cure for philosophy and religion may be called the exercises of the mind, and when this is disordered, they are as wholesome as exercise can be to a distempered body. They do indeed produce similar effects with exercise for they strengthen and conform the mind till man becomes in the noble strain of horus. Fortis et insepsototis teris et takee vertundis externi ne quid valet per lave morare in quem manca root semper fortuna meaning firm in himself who on himself relies polished in round who runs his proper course and breaks misfortune with superior force, Mr. Francis. Here Jones smiled at some conceit which intruded itself into his imagination, but the stranger, I believe, perceived it not and proceeded thus. My circumstances were now greatly altered by the death of that best of men. For my brother, who was now become master of the house, deferred so widely from me in his inclination and our pursuits of life had been so very various that we were the worst company to each other. But what made our living together still more disagreeable was the little harmony which could subsist between the few who resorted to me and the numerous train of sportsmen who often attended my brother and followed to the table for such fellows, besides the noise and nonsense with which they persecute the ears of sober men, endeavor always to attack them with a front and contempt. This was so much the case that neither I myself nor my friends could ever sit down to a meal with them without being treated with derision because we were unacquainted with the phrases of sportsmen. The ignorance of others, but fellows who excel in some little, low, contemptible art are always certain to despise those who are unacquainted with that art. In short, we soon separated and I went by the advice of a physician to drink the bath waters for my violent affliction added to a sedentary life had thrown me into a kind of paralytic disorder for which those waters are accounted an almost certain cure. The second day after my arrival, as I was walking by the river, the sun shone so intensely hot though it was early in the year that I retired to the shelter of some willows and sat down by the riverside. Here I had not been seated long before I heard a person on the other side of the willows sighing and demoting himself bitterly. On a sudden, having uttered and most impious oath, he cried, I am resolved to bear it no longer and he directly threw himself into the water. I immediately started and ran towards the place, calling at the time as loudly as I could for assistance. An angler happened luckily to be a fishing a little below me though some very high sedge had hid him from my sight. He immediately came up and both of us together not without some hazard of our lives drew the body to the shore. At first we perceived no sign of life remaining but having held the body up by the heels before we soon had assistance enough. It discharged a vast quantity of water at the mouth and at length began to discover some symptoms of breathing and little afterwards to move both its hands and its legs. An apothecary who happened to be present among others advised that the body would seem now to have pretty well emptied itself of water and which began to have many convulsive motions should be directly taken up and carried into a warm bed. This was accordingly performed the apothecary and myself attending. As we were going towards the inn before we knew not the man's lodging luckily a woman met us who after some violent screaming told us that the gentleman lodged at her house. When I had seen the man safely deposited there I left him to the care of the apothecary who I suppose used all the right methods with him. For the next morning I heard he had perfectly recovered his senses. To visit him intending to search out as well I could the cause of his having attempted so desperate an act and to prevent as far as I was able his pursuing such wicked intentions for the future. I was no sooner admitted into his chamber and then we both instantly knew each other for who should this person be but my good friend Mr. Watson. Here I will not trouble you with what passed at our first interview for I would avoid prolixity as much as possible. Pray let us hear it all, Christ Partridge. I want mightily to know what brought him to bath. You shall hear everything material answer the stranger and then proceeded to relate what we shall proceed to write after we have given a short breathing time to both ourselves and the reader. Chapter 14 in which the man of the hill concludes his history Mr. Watson continued the stranger very freely acquainted me that the unhappy situation of his circumstances occasioned by a tide of ill luck had in a manner forced him to a resolution of destroying himself. I now began to argue seriously with him in opposition to this heathenish or indeed diabolical principle of the lawfulness of self-murder and said everything which occurred to me on the subject but to my great concern it seemed to have very little effect on him. He seemed not at all to repent of what he had and gave me reason to fear that he would make a second attempt of the like horrible kind. When I had finished my discourse instead of endeavoring to answer my arguments he looked me steadfastly in the face and with a smile said, you are strangely altered my good friend since I remember you. I question whether any of our bishops could have made a better argument against suicide than you have entertained me with but unless you can find somebody who will lend me a cool hundred I must either hang or drown or starve and in my opinion the last death is the most terrible of the three. I answered him very gravely that I was indeed altered since I had seen him last, that I had found leisure to look into my follies and to repent of them. I then advised him to pursue the same steps and at last concluded with an assurance that I myself would lend him a hundred pound if it would be of any service to his affairs and he would not put it into the power of a die to deprive him of him. Mr. Watson, who seemed almost composed and slumber by the former part of my discourse was roused by the latter. He seized my hand eagerly gave me a thousand thanks and declared I was a friend indeed adding that he hoped I had a better opinion of him than to imagine he had profited so little by experience as to put any confidence in those damned dice which had so often deceived him. No, no, Chrissy, let me but once handsomely be set up again and if ever fortune makes a broken merchant of me afterwards I will forgive her. I very well understood the language of setting up in broken merchant. I therefore said to him, with a very grave face Mr. Watson you must endeavor to find out some business or employment by which you may produce yourself a livelihood and I promise you could I see any probability of being repaid thereafter I would advance a much larger slum than what you have mentioned to equip you in any affair and honorable calling but as to gaming besides the baseness and wickedness of making it a profession you are really, to my own knowledge unfit for it and it will end in your certain ruin why now that's strange answered he neither you nor any of my friends would ever allow me to know anything of the matter and yet I believe I am as good a hand at every game as any of you all and I heartily wish I was to play with you only for your whole fortune I should desire no better sport and I would let you name your game into the bargain but come my dear boy you have the hundred in your pocket I answered I had only a bill for fifty which I delivered him and promised to bring the rest next morning and after giving him a little more advice took my leave I was indeed better than my word for I returned to him that very afternoon when I entered the room I found him sitting up on his bed at cards with a notorious gangster this sight you will imagine shocked me not a little to which I may add the mortification of seeing my bill delivered by him to his antagonist in thirty guineas only given an exchange for it the other gangster presently quitted the room and then Watson declared he was ashamed to see me but says he I find luck runs so damnably against me that I will resolve to leave off play forever I have thought of the kind proposal you made me ever since and I promise you there shall be no fault in me if I do not execution though I had no great faith in his promises I produced him the remainder of the hundred in consequence of my own for which he gave me a note which was all I ever expected to see in return for my money we were prevented from any further discourse at present by the arrival of the apothecary who with much joy in his countenance and without even asking his patient how he did proclaimed that there was great news arrived in a letter to himself she said would shortly be public that the Duke of Monmouth was landed in the west with a vast army of Dutch and that another vast fleet hovered over the coast of Norfolk and was to make a descent there in order to favor the Duke's enterprise with a diversion on that side this apothecary was one of the greatest politicians of his time he was more delighted with the most paltry packet than with the best patient and the highest joy he was capable he received from having a piece of news in his possession an hour or two sooner than any other person in the town his advices however were seldom authentic for he would swallow almost anything as the truth a humor which many made use of to impose upon him thus it happened with what he at present communicated for it was known within a short time afterwards that the Duke was really landed but that his army consisted of only a few attendants and as to the diversion in Norfolk it was entirely false the apothecary stayed no longer in the room than while he acquainted us with his news and then without saying a syllable to his patient on any other subject departed to spread his advices all over the town events of this nature in the public are generally apt to eclipse all private concerns our discourse therefore now became entirely political for my own part I had been for some time very seriously affected with the danger to which the Protestant religion was so visibly exposed under a popish prince and thought the apprehension of it alone was sufficient to justify that insurrection for no real security can ever be found against the persecuting spirit of Popery when armed with power except by the depriving of that power as Wolf will experience presently showed you know how King James saved after getting the better of this attempt how little he valued either the royal word or coronation oath or the liberties and rights of his people but all had not the sense to foresee this at first and therefore the Duke of Monmouth was weakly supported yet all could feel when the evil came upon them and therefore all united at last to drive out the king against whose exclusion a great party among us had so warmly contended during the reign of his brother and for whom they now fought with such zeal and affection what you say interrupted Jones is very true and it has often struck me as the most wonderful thing I ever read of in history that so soon after this convincing experience which brought our whole nation to join so unanimously in expelling King James for the preservation of our religion and liberties there should be a party among us enough to desire the placing his family again on the throne you are not in earnest answered the old man there can be no such party as bad an opinion as I have of mankind I cannot believe them infatuated to such a degree there may be some hot headed Papists led by their priests to engage in this desperate cause and think at a holy war but that Protestants at the Church of England should be such apostates such Philos de Sey that I cannot believe it no no young man acquainted as I am with what has passed in the world for these last 30 years I cannot be so imposed upon to credit so foolish a tale but I see you have a mind to sport with my ignorance can it be possible replied Jones that you have lived so much out of the world as not to know that during time there have been two rebellions in favor of the son of King James one of which is now actually raging in the very heart of the kingdom at these words old gentlemen started up and in a most solemn tone of voice conjured Jones by his maker to tell him if what he said was really true which the other as solemnly affirming he walked several turns about the room in a profound silence then cried then laughed and at last fell down upon his knees blessed God in a loud thanksgiving prayer for having delivered him from all society with human nature which could be capable of such monstrous extravagances after which being reminded by Jones that he had broke off his story he resumed it again in this manner as mankind in the days I was speaking of was not yet arrived at that pitch of madness which I find they are capable of now in which to be sure I have only escaped by living alone from the contagion there was a considerable rising in favor of Monmouth and my principal strongly inclined me to take the same part I determined to join him and Mr. Watson from different motives concurring in the same resolution for the spirit of a gangster will carry a man as far upon such an occasion as the spirit of patriotism we soon provided ourselves with all necessities and went to the Duke at Bridgewater the unfortunate event of this enterprise you are I conclude as well acquainted with as myself I escaped together with Mr. Watson from the battle at Siegemore in which I received a slight wound we rode near 40 miles together on the Exeter Road and then abandoning our horses scrambled as well as we could through the fields and byroads till we arrived at a little wild hut on the common where a poor old woman took all the care of us she could and dressed my wound with salve which quickly healed it pray sir was there a wound says Partridge the stranger satisfied him it was in his arm and then continued his narrative here sir said he Mr. Watson left me the next morning in order as he pretended to get us some provision from the town of Columpton but can I relate it or can you believe it this Mr. Watson this friend this base barbarous treacherous villain betrayed me to a party of horse belonging to King James and at his return delivered me into their hands the soldiers being six in number had now seized me and were conducting me to the Taunton jail but neither my present situation nor the apprehensions of what might happen to me were half so irksome to my mind as the company of my false friend who having surrendered himself was likewise considered as a prisoner though he was treated as being to make his peace at my expense he was at first endeavored to excuse his treachery but when he received nothing but scorn and operating from me he soon changed his note abusing me as the most atrocious and malicious rebel and laid all his own guilt to my charge who as he declared I had solicited and even threatened him to make him take up arms against his gracious as well as lawful sovereign this false evidence for in reality he had been much the forwarder of the two stung me to the quick and raised an indignation scarce conceivable by those who have not felt it however fortune at link took pity on me for as we were got a little beyond Wellington and in narrow lane my guards received a false alarm that nearly fifty of the enemy were at hand upon which they shifted for themselves and left me in my betrayer to do the same that villain immediately ran for me and I am glad he did or I should have certainly endeavored though I had no arms to have executed vengeance on his baseness I was now once more at liberty and immediately withdrawing from the highway into the fields I traveled on scarce knowing which way I went and making it my chief care to avoid all public roads and all towns may even the most homely houses for I imagine every human creature whom I saw desirous of betraying me at last after rambling several days about the country during which the fields afforded me the same bed and the same food which nature bestows on our savage brothers of the creation I at length arrived at this place where the solitude and wildness of the country invited me to fix my abode the first person with whom I took up my habitation was the mother of this old woman whose whom I remained concealed till the news of the glorious revolution put an end to all my apprehensions of danger and gave me an opportunity of once more visiting my own home and of inquiring a little into my affairs which I soon settled as agreeably to my brother as to myself having resigned everything to him for which he paid me the sum of a thousand pounds and settled on me in annuity for life his behavior in this last instance as in all others was selfish and ungenerous I could not look on him as my friend nor indeed he desired that I should so I presently took my leave of him as well as my other acquaintances and from that day to this my history is little better than a blank and is it possible sir said Jones that you have resided here from that day to this oh no sir answered the gentleman I have been a great traveler and there are few parts of Europe with which I am not acquainted I have not sir cried Jones that assurance to ask it of you now indeed it would be cruel after so much breath as you have already spent but you will give me leave to wish for some further opportunity of hearing the excellent observations which a man of your sense and knowledge of the world must have in so long a course of travels indeed young gentleman answered the stranger I will endeavor to satisfy your curiosity on this head likewise as far as I am able Jones attempted fresh apologies that was prevented and while he and partridge sat with greedy and impatient ears the stranger proceeded as in the next chapter Chapter 15 a brief history of Europe and a curious discourse between Mr. Jones and the man of the hill in Italy the landlords are very silent in France they are more talkative but yet civil in Germany and Holland they are generally very impertinent and as for their honesty I believe it is pretty equal in all those countries the loquat a louange are sure to lose no opportunity of cheating you and as for the Pestilians I think they are pretty much alike all the world over these sir are the observations on men which I made in my travel for these with the only men I ever my design when I went abroad was to divert myself by seeing the wondrous variety of prospects, beasts, birds fishes, insects and vegetables with which God has been pleased to enrich the several parts of this globe a variety which as it must give great pleasure to a contemplative beholder so doth it admirably display the power and wisdom and goodness of the creator indeed to say the truth there is but one work in his whole creation that doth him any dishonor and with that I have long since avoided holding any conversation you will pardon me cries Jones but I have always imagined that there is in this very work you mention as great variety as in all the rest for besides the difference of inclination customs and climates have I am told introduced the utmost diversity into human nature very little indeed answered the other those who travel in order to acquaint themselves with the different manners of men might spare themselves much pains by going to a carnival at Venice for there they will see at once all which they can discover in the several courts of Europe the same hypocrisy the same fraud in short the same follies and vices dressed in different habits in Spain these are equipped with much gravity in Italy with vests blender in France and Navy's dressed like a fob in the northern countries like a sloven but human nature is everywhere the same everywhere the object of detestation and scorn as for my own part I pass through all these nations as you perhaps may have done through a crowd at a shoe jostling to get by them holding my nose with one hand and defending my pockets with another without speaking a word to any of them while I was pressing on to see what I wanted to see which however entertaining it might be in itself scarce made me amends for the trouble the company gave me did not you find some of the nations among which you traveled less troublesome to you than others? said Jones oh yes replied the old man we're much more tolerable to me than the Christians for they are men of profound test attorney and never disturb a stranger with questions now and then indeed they bestow a short curse upon him or spit in his face as he walks in the streets but then they have done with him and a man may live and age in their country without hearing a dozen words from them but of all the people I ever saw heaven defend me from the French with their damned prait and sensibilities and doing the honour of their nation to strangers as they are pleased to call it but indeed setting forth their own vanity they are so troublesome that I had infinitely rather passed my life with the Hottentots than set my foot in Paris again they are a nasty people but their nastiness is mostly without whereas in France in some other nations that I won't name it is all within and makes them stink much more than that of Hottentots does to my nose thus sir I have ended the history of my life for as to all that series of years during which I have lived retired here it affords no variety to entertain you and may be almost considered as one day the retirement has been so complete that I could hardly have enjoyed a more absolute solitude in the deserts of Thavius than here in the midst of this populist kingdom as I have no estate I am plagued with no tenants or stewards my annuity is paid me pretty regularly as indeed it ought to be for it is much less than what I might have expected in return for what I gave up visits I admit none and the old woman who keeps my house knows that her place entirely depends on her saving me all the trouble of buying the things that I want keeping off all solicitation business from me and holding her tongue whenever I am within hearing as my walks are all by night I am pretty secure in this wild unfrequented place from meeting any company some few persons I have met by chance and sent them home heartily frightened as from the oddness of my dress and figure they took me for a ghost or a hobgoblin but what has happened tonight shows that even here I cannot be safe from the villainy of man without your assistance I may not only have been robbed but very probably murdered Jones thanked the stranger for the trouble he had taken in relating his story and then expressed some wonder how he could possibly endure a life of such solitude in which says he you may well complain of the want of variety indeed I am astonished how you have filled up or rather killed so much of your time without it all surprised answered the other that to one whose affections and thoughts are fixed on the world my hours should appear to have wanted employment in this place but there is one single act for which the whole life of man is infinitely too short what time can suffice for the contemplation and worship of that glorious immortal and eternal being among the works of whose dupendous creation not only this but even those numberless luminaries which we may hear behold spangling all the sky though they should many of them be suns lighting different systems of worlds may possibly appear but as a few atoms opposed to the whole creation which we inhabit can a man who by divine meditations is admitted as it were into the conversation of this ineffable incomprehensible majesty think days or years or ages too long for the continuance of so ravishing an honor shall the trifling amusements the pawling pleasures the silly business of the world roll away our hours too swiftly from us and shall the pace of time seems sluggish to a mixed exercise in studies so high so important and so glorious as no time is sufficient so no place is improper for this great concern on what object can we cast our eyes which may not inspire us with ideas of his power of his wisdom of his goodness it is not necessary that the rising sun should dart his fiery glories over the eastern horizon nor that the boisterous winds should rush from their caverns and shake the lofty forest nor that the opening clouds should pour their deluges on the planes it is not necessary I say that any of these should proclaim his majesty there is not an insect not a vegetable of so low an order in the creation as not to be honored with bearing marks of the attributes of its great creator marks not only of his power but of his wisdom and goodness man alone the king of this globe the last and greatest work the supreme being below the sun man alone hath facely dishonored his own nature and by dishonesty cruelty and gratitude and treachery hath called his master's goodness in question by puzzling us to account how a benevolent being should form so foolish and so vile an animal yet this is the being from whose conversation you think I suppose that I have been restrained and without whose blessed society life in your opinion must be tedious and insipid the former part of what you said replied jones I most heartily and readily concur but I believe as well as hope that the adhorrence which you express for mankind in the conclusion is much too general indeed you here fall into an error which in little experience has I have observed to be a very common one by taking the character of mankind from the worst and basest among them whereas indeed as an excellent writer observes nothing should be esteemed as characteristic of a species but what is to be found among the best and most perfect individuals of that species this error I believe is generally committed by those who from want a proper caution of their friends and acquaintance have suffered injuries from bad and worthless men two or three instances of which are very unjustly charged on all human nature I think I had experience enough of it answered the other my first mistress and my first friend betrayed me in the basest manner and in the matters which threatened to be of the worst of consequences even to bring me to a shameful death he will pardon me cries Jones if I desire you to reflect who that mistress and who that friend were what better my good sir could be expected in love derived from the stews or in friendship first produced and nourished at a gaming table to take the characters of women from the former instance or of men from the latter would be as unjust as to assert that air is a nauseous and unwholesome because we find it so in a jakes I have lived but a short time in the world and yet have known men worthy of the highest friendship and women of the highest love alas young man answered the stranger you have lived you confess but a very short time in the world I was somewhat older than you when I was of the same opinion you might have remained so still replies Jones if you had not been fortunate I will venture to say in cautious in the placing your affections if there was indeed much more wickedness in the world than there is it would not prove such general assertions against human nature since much of this arrives by mere accident and many a man who commits evil is not totally bad and corrupt in his heart in truth none seem to have vital to assert human nature to be necessarily and universally evil but those whose own minds afford them one instance of this natural depravity which is not I am convinced your case and such said the stranger will be always the most backward to assert any such thing naves will no more endeavor to persuade us of the baseness of mankind than a highwayman will inform you that there are many people in the world this would indeed be a method to put you on your guard and to defeat their own purposes for which reason though naves as I remember are very apt to abuse particular persons yet they never cast any reflection on human nature in general the old gentleman spoke so warmly that is Jones disparate of making a convert and was unwilling to offend he returned no answer then to send forth its first streams of light when Jones made an apology to the stranger for having stayed so long and perhaps detained him from his rest the stranger answered he never wanted rest less than at present for that day and night were in different seasons to him and that he commonly made use of the former for the time of his repose and of the latter for his walks and the cubrations however he said and if you can bear it any longer to be without your own rest and food I will gladly entertain you with the sight of some very fine prospects which I believe you have not yet seen Jones very readily embraced this offer and they immediately set forward together from the cottage as for Partridge he had fallen into a profound repose just as the stranger had finished his story for his curiosity was satisfied and the subsequent discourse was not forcible enough in its operation to conjure down the charms of sleep Jones therefore left him to enjoy his nap and as the reader may perhaps be at this season glad of the same favor we will here put an end to the eighth book of our history End of section 32 Recording by Nicky Sullivan Chicago