 26. A chair. There was a jumble market every Monday afternoon in the old marketplace in town. Ursulaire and Birkin strayed down there one afternoon. They had been talking of furniture, and they wanted to see if there was any fragment they would like to buy amid the heaps of rubbish collected on the cobblestones. The old market square was not very large, a mere bare patch of granite sets, usually with a few fruit stalls under a wall. It was in a poor quarter of the town. Miga houses stood down one side. There was a hosiery factory, a great blank with myriad oblong windows at the end, a street of little shops with flagstone pavement down the other side, and for a crowning monument the public baths of new red brick with a clock tower. The people who moved about seemed stumpy and sordid. The air seemed to smell rather dirty. There was a sense of many mean streets ramifying off into warrens of meanness. Now and again a great chocolate and yellow tram-car ground round a difficult bend under the hosiery factory. Ursulaire was superficially thrilled when she found herself out among the common people in the jumbled place piled with old bedding, heaps of old iron, shabby crockery and pale lots, muffled lots of unthinkable clothing. She and Birkin went unwillingly down the narrow aisle between the rusty wares. He was looking at the goods, she at the people. She excitedly watched a young woman who was going to have a baby, and who was turning over a mattress and making a young man down at heel and dejected feel it also. So secretive and active and anxious the young woman seemed, so reluctant slinking the young man. He was going to marry her because she was having a child. When they had felt the mattress the young woman asked the old man seated on a stool among his wares how much it was. He told her and she turned to the young man. The latter was ashamed and self-conscious. He turned his face away, though he left his body standing there and muttered aside. And again the woman anxiously and actively fingered the mattress and added up in her mind and bargained with the old, unclean man. All the while the young man stood by, shame-faced and down at heel, submitting. Look! said Birkin, there is a pretty chair. Charming! cried Ursula. Oh, charming! It was an arm-chair of simple wood, probably a birch, but of such fine delicacy of grace, standing there on the sordid stones, it almost brought tears to the eyes. It was square in shape, of the purest slender lines, and four short lines of wood in the back that reminded Ursula of harp strings. It was once, said Birkin, gilded, and it had a cane seat. Somebody has nailed this wooden seat in. Look! here is a trifle of the red that underlay the guilt. The rest is all black, except where the wood is worn pure and glossy. It is the fine unity of the lines that is so attractive. Look! how they run and meet and counteract. But of course the wooden seat is wrong. It destroys the perfect likeness and unity and tension the cane gave. I like it, though. Oh, yes! said Ursula, so do I. How much is it? Birkin asked the man. Ten shillings. And you will send it? It was bought. So beautiful, so pure, Birkin said, it almost breaks my heart. They walked along between the heaps of rubbish. My beloved country! It had something to express even when it made that chair. And hasn't it now? asked Ursula. She was always angry when he took this tone. No, it hasn't. When I see that clear, beautiful chair, and I think of England, even Jane Austen's England, it had living thoughts to unfold even then, and pure happiness in unfolding them. And now we can only fish among the rubbish heaps for the remnants of their old expression. There is no production in us now, only sordid and foul mechanicalness. It isn't true, cried Ursula. Why must you always praise the past at the expense of the present? Really, I don't think so much of Jane Austen's England. It was materialistic enough, if you like. It could afford to be materialistic, said Birkin, because it had the power to be something other, which we haven't. We are materialistic because we haven't got the power to be anything else. Try as we may, we can't bring off anything but materialism. Mechanism, the very soul of materialism. Ursula was subdued into angry silence. She did not heed what he said. She was rebelling against something else. And I hate your past. I'm sick of it, she cried. I believe I even hate that old chair, though it is beautiful. It isn't my sort of beauty. I wish it had been smashed up when its day was over, not left to preach the beloved past to us. I'm sick of the beloved past. Not so sick as I am of the accursed present, he said. Yes, just the same. I hate the present, but I don't want the past to take its place. I don't want that old chair. He was rather angry for a moment. Then he looked at the sky shining beyond the tower of the public baths, and he seemed to get over it all. He laughed. All right, he said. Then let us not have it. I'm sick of it all too. At any rate, one can't go on living on the old bones of beauty. One can't, she cried. I don't want old things. The truth is, we don't want things at all, he replied. The thought of a house and furniture of my own is hateful to me. This startled her for a moment. Then she replied, So it is to me, but one must live somewhere. Not somewhere, anywhere, he said. One should just live anywhere, not have a definite place. I don't want a definite place. As soon as you get a room, and it is complete, you want to run from it. Now my rooms at the mill are quite complete, I want them at the bottom of the seat. It is a horrible tyranny of a fixed milieu, where each piece of furniture is a commandment stone. She clung to his arm as they walked away from the market. But what are we going to do? She said. We must live somehow. And I do want some beauty in my surroundings. I want a sort of natural grandeur even, splendour. You'll never get it in houses and furniture, or even clothes. Houses and furniture and clothes, they're all terms of an old base world, a detestable society of man. And if you have a Tudor house and old beautiful furniture, it is only the past perpetuated on top of you. Horrible. And if you have a perfect modern house done for you by Poiré, it is something else perpetuated on top of you. It is all horrible. It is all possessions, possessions bullying you and turning you into a generalisation. You'll have to be like Rodin, Michelangelo, and leave a piece of raw rock unfinished to your figure. You must leave your surroundings sketchy, unfinished, so that you are never contained, never confined, never dominated from the outside. She stood in the street contemplating. And we are never to have a complete place of our own, never a home, she said. Pray God in this world, no, he answered. But there's only this world, she objected. He spread out his hands with a gesture of indifference. Meanwhile then, we'll avoid having things of our own, he said. But you've just bought a chair, she said. I can tell the man I don't want it, he replied. She pondered again. Then a queer little movement twitched her face. No, she said, we don't want it. I'm sick of old things. New ones as well, he said. They retraced their steps. There, in front of some furniture, stood the young couple, the woman who was going to have a baby, and the narrow-faced youth. She was fair, rather short, stout. He was of medium height, attractively built. His dark hair fell sideways over his brow from under his cap. He stood strangely aloof, like one of the damned. Let us give it to them, whispered Ursula. Look, they're getting a home together. I won't aid a bet them in it, he said, peculently, instantly sympathising with the aloof, furtive youth against the active, procreant female. Oh yes, cried Ursula. It's right for them. There's nothing else for them. Very well, said Birkin. You offer it to them. I'll watch. Ursula went rather nervously to the young couple, who were discussing an iron washstand. Or rather, the man was glancing furtively and wonderingly, like a prisoner, at the abominable article, whilst the woman was arguing. We bought a chair, said Ursula, and we don't want it. Would you have it? We should be glad if you would. The young couple looked round at her, not believing that she could be addressing them. Would you care for it? repeated Ursula. It's really very pretty, but—but— She smiled rather dazzlingly. The young couple only stared at her, and looked significantly at each other to know what to do. And the man curiously obliterated himself, as if he could make himself invisible as a rat can. We wanted to give it to you, explained Ursula, now overcome with confusion and dread of them. She was attracted by the young man. He was a still, mindless creature, hardly a man at all, a creature that the towns have produced, strangely pure bread and fine, in one sense, furtive, quick, subtle. His lashes were dark and long and fine over his eyes that had no mind in them, only a dreadful kind of subject inward consciousness, glazed and dark. His dark brows and all his lines were finely drawn. He would be a dreadful but wonderful lover to a woman, so marvelously contributed. His legs would be marvelously subtle and alive under the shapeless trousers. He had some of the fineness and stillness and silkiness of a dark-eyed, silent rat. Ursula had apprehended him with a fine frisson of attraction. The full-built woman was staring offensively. Again Ursula forgot him. "'Won't you have the chair?' she said. The man looked at her with a sideways look of appreciation, yet far off, almost insolent. The woman drew herself up. There was a certain costamonger richness about her. She did not know what Ursula was after. She was on her guard, hostile. Birkin approached, smiling wickedly, at seeing Ursula so non-plussed and frightened. "'What's the matter?' he said, smiling. His eyelids had dropped slightly. There was about him the same suggestive, mocking secrecy that was in the bearing of the two city creatures. The man jerked his head a little on one side, indicating Ursula, and said, with curious, amiable, jeering warmth, "'What you want, eh?' An odd smile writhed his lips. Birkin looked at him from under his slack, ironical eyelids. "'To give you a chair, that with the label on it,' he said, pointing. The man looked at the object, indicated. There was a curious hostility in male, outlawed understanding between the two men. "'What you want to give it us for, Governor?' he replied, in a tone of free intimacy that insulted Ursula. "'Thought you'd like it. It's a pretty chair. We bought it and don't want it. No need for you to have it. Don't be frightened,' said Birkin, with a wry smile. The man glanced up at him, half inimical, half recognising. "'Why don't you want it for yourselves if you just bought it?' asked the woman, coolly. "'Tain't good enough for you. Now you've had a look at it. Frightened it's got something in it, eh?' She was looking at Ursula admiringly, but with some resentment. "'I'd never thought of that,' said Birkin, but no, the wood's too thin everywhere.' "'You see,' said Ursula, her face luminous and pleased, we are just going to get married, and we thought we'd buy things. Then we decided just now that we wouldn't have furniture. We'd go abroad.' The full-built, slightly blousy city girl looked at the fine face of the other woman with appreciation. They appreciated each other. The youth stood aside, his face expressionless and timeless, the thin line of the black moustache drawn strangely suggestive over his rather wide closed mouth. He was impassive, abstract, like some dark suggestive presence, a gutter presence. "'It's all right to be some folks,' said the city girl, turning to her own young man. He did not look at her, but he smiled with the lower part of his face, putting his head aside in an odd gesture of ascent. His eyes were unchanging, glazed with darkness. "'Course something to change your mind,' he said, in an incredibly low accent. "'Only ten shillings this time,' said Birkin. The man looked up at him with a grimace of a smile, furtive, unsure. Cheaper half a quid, Governor,' he said, not like getting divorced. "'We're not married yet,' said Birkin. "'No, no more aren't we,' said the young woman loudly, "'but we shall be a Saturday.' Again she looked at the young man with a determined, protective look, at once overbearing and very gentle. He grinned, sicklyly, turning away his head. She had got his manhood, but Lord, what did he care? He had a strange, furtive pride and slinking singleness. "'Good luck to you,' said Birkin. "'Same to you,' said the young woman, then rather tentatively. "'When's yours coming off, then?' Birkin looked round at Ursula. "'It's for the lady to say,' he replied. "'We go to the register at the moment she's ready.' Ursula laughed, covered with confusion and bewilderment. "'No, hurry,' said the young man, grinning, suggestive. "'Oh, don't break your neck to get there,' said the young woman. "'Sight when you're dead, you're long time married.' The young man turned aside as if this hit him. "'The longer the better, let us hope,' said Birkin. "'That's it, Governor,' said the young man admiringly. "'Enjoy it while it lasts. Never whip a dead donkey.' "'Only when he's shamming dead,' said the young woman, looking at her young man with caressive tenderness of authority. "'Ah, there's a difference,' he said satirically. "'What about the chair?' said Birkin. "'Yes, all right,' said the woman. They trailed off to the dealer, the handsome but abject young fellow, hanging a little aside. "'That's it,' said Birkin. "'Will you take it with you, or have the address altered?' "'Oh, Fred can carry it. Make him do what he can for the dear old home.' "'My use of him,' said Fred, grimly humorous, as he took the chair from the dealer. His movements were graceful yet curiously abject, slinking. "'Ear's mother's cozy chair,' he said, waltzing cushion. And he stood it down on the market-stones. "'Don't you think it's pretty?' loved Ursula. "'Oh, I do,' said the young woman. "'Have a sit in it. You'll wish you'd kept it,' said the young man.' Ursula promptly sat down in the middle of the marketplace. "'Offly comfortable,' she said. "'But rather hard. You try it.' She invited the young man to a seat, but he turned uncouthly, awkwardly aside, glancing up at her with quick bright eyes, oddly suggestive, like a quick live rat. "'Don't spoil him,' said the young woman. "'He's not used to armed chairs, he isn't.' The young man turned away and said with averted grin, only once legs on his. The four parted. The young woman thanked them. "'Thank you for the chair. It'll last till it gives way.' "'Keep it for an ornament,' said the young man. "'Good afternoon.' "'Good afternoon,' said Ursula and Birkin. "'Good luck to you,' said the young man, glancing and avoiding Birkin's eyes as he turned aside his head. The two couples went asunder, Ursula clinging to Birkin's arm. When they had gone some distance, she glanced back and saw the young man going beside the full easy young woman. His trousers sank over his heels. He moved with a sort of slinking evasion, more crushed with odd self-consciousness. Now he had the slim old armchair to carry, his arm over the back, the four fine square tapering legs swaying perilously near the granite sets of the pavement. And yet he was somewhere indomitable and separate, like a quick vital rat. He had a queer subterranean beauty, repulsive too. "'How strange they are,' said Ursula. "'Children of men,' he said. "'They remind me of Jesus, the meek shall inherit the earth.' "'But they aren't the meek,' said Ursula. "'Yes, I don't know why, but they are,' he replied.' They waited for the tram-car. Ursula sat on top and looked out on the town. The dusk was just dimming the hollows of crowded houses. "'And are they going to inherit the earth?' she said. "'Yes, they.' "'Then what are we going to do?' she asked. "'We're not like them, are we? We're not the meek.' "'No, we've got to live in the chinks they leave us.' "'How horrible!' cried Ursula. "'I don't want to live in chinks.' "'Don't worry,' he said. "'They are the children of men. They like marketplaces and street-corners best. That leaves plenty of chinks.' "'All the world,' she said. "'Ah, no, but some room.' The tram-car mounted slowly up the hill, where the ugly winter-grey masses of houses looked. "'Looked like a vision of hell that is cold and angular.' They sat and looked. A way in the distance was an angry redness of sunset. It was all cold, somehow small, crowded, and like the end of the world. "'I don't mind it even then,' said Ursula, looking at the repulsiveness of it all. "'It doesn't concern me.' "'No more it does,' he replied, holding her hand. "'One needn't see. One goes one's way. In my world it is sunny and spacious.' "'It is my love, isn't it?' she cried, hugging near to him on the top of the tram-car, so that the other passengers stared at them. "'And we will wander about on the face of the earth,' he said, and will look at the world beyond just this bit.' There was a long silence. Her face was radiant, like gold, as she sat, thinking. "'I don't want to inherit the earth,' she said. "'I don't want to inherit anything.' He closed his hand over hers. "'Neither do I. I want to be disinherited.' She clasped his fingers closely. "'We won't care about anything,' she said. He sat still and laughed. "'And we'll be married and have done with them,' she added. Again he laughed. "'It's one way of getting rid of everything,' she said, to get married. And one way of accepting the whole world,' he added. "'A whole other world, yes,' she said happily. "'Perhaps there's Gerald and Gudrun,' he said. "'If there is, there is, you see,' she said. "'It's no good, our worrying. We can't really alter them, can we?' "'No,' he said. "'One has no right to try, not with the best intentions in the world.' "'Do you try to force them?' she asked. "'Perhaps,' he said. "'Why should I want him to be free if it isn't his business?' She paused for a time. "'We can't make him happy, anyhow,' she said. "'He'd have to be it of himself.' "'I know,' he said. "'But we want other people with us, don't we?' "'Why should we?' she asked. "'I don't know,' he said uneasily. "'One has a hankering after a sort of further fellowship.' "'But why?' she insisted. "'Why should you hanker after other people? Why should you need them?' This hit him right on the quick. His brows knitted. "'Does it end with just our two selves?' he asked, tense. "'Yes, what more do you want? If anybody likes to come along, let them. But why must you run after them?' His face was tense and unsatisfied. "'You see,' he said, "'I always imagine our being really happy with some few other people, "'a little freedom with people.' She pondered for a moment. "'Yes, one does want that, but it must happen. "'You can't do anything for it with your will. "'You always seem to think you can force the flowers to come out. "'People must love us because they love us. You can't make them.' "'I know,' he said. "'But must one take no steps at all? Must one just go as if one were alone in the world, the only creature in the world?' "'You've got me,' she said. "'Why should you need others? Why must you force people to agree with you? Why can't you be single by yourself as you are always saying?' "'You try to bully Gerald, as you tried to bully Hermione. You must learn to be alone. And it's so horrid of you. You've got me, and yet you want to force other people to love you as well. You do try to bully them to love you, and even then you don't want their love.' His face was full of real perplexity. "'Don't I?' he said. "'It's the problem I can't solve. I know I want a perfect and complete relationship with you, and we've nearly got it. We really have. But beyond that, do I want a real, ultimate relationship with Gerald? Do I want a final, almost extra human relationship with him? A relationship in the ultimate of me and him? Or don't I?' She looked at him for a long time, with strange bright eyes. But she did not answer. End of Chapter 26. Recording by Ruth Golding Chapter 27 of Women in Love This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Ruth Golding Women in Love by D. H. Lawrence Chapter 27 Flitting That evening Ursula returned home very bright-eyed and wondrous, which irritated her people. Her father came home at supper time, tired after the evening class and the long journey home. Gudrun was reading. The mother sat in silence. Suddenly Ursula said to the company at large in a bright voice, Rupert and I are going to be married tomorrow. Her father turned round stiffly. You what? he said. Tomorrow! echoed Gudrun. Indeed! said the mother. But Ursula only smiled wonderfully and did not reply. Marry tomorrow! cried her father harshly. What are you talking about? Yes, said Ursula. Why not? Those two words from her always drove him mad. Everything is all right. We shall go to the registrar's office. There was a second's hush in the room after Ursula's blithe fageness. Really Ursula! said Gudrun. Might we ask why there has been all this secrecy? Demanded the mother rather superbly. But there hasn't! said Ursula. You knew. Who knew? Now cried the father. Who knew? What do you mean by your you knew? He was in one of his stupid rages. She instantly closed against him. Of course you knew, she said coolly. You knew we were going to get married. There was a dangerous pause. We knew you were going to get married, did we? Knew? Why does anybody know anything about you, you shifty bitch? Father! cried Gudrun, flushing deep in violent remonstrance. Then in a cold but gentle voice, as if to remind her sister to be tractable. But isn't it a fearfully sudden decision, Ursula? she asked. No, not really, replied Ursula with the same maddening cheerfulness. He's been wanting me to agree for weeks. He's had the license ready. Only I—I wasn't ready in myself. Now I am ready. Is there anything to be disagreeable about? Certainly not, said Gudrun, but in a tone of cold reproof. You're perfectly free to do as you like. Ready in yourself! Yourself! That's all that matters, isn't it? I wasn't ready in myself! He mimicked her phrase offensively. You and yourself! You are of some importance, aren't you? She drew herself up, and set back her throat, her eyes shining yellow and dangerous. I am to myself, she said, wounded and mortified. I know I am not to anybody else. You only wanted to bully me. You never cared for my happiness. He was leaning forward, watching her, his face intense like a spark. Ursula, what are you saying? Keep your tongue still, cried her mother. Ursula swung round, and the lights in her eyes flashed. No, I won't, she cried. I won't hold my tongue and be bullied. What does it matter which day I get married? What does it matter? It doesn't affect anybody but myself. Her father was tense and gathered together like a cat about to spring. Doesn't it? He cried, coming nearer to her. She shrank away. No, how can it? She replied, shrinking but stubborn. It doesn't matter to me then what you do, what becomes of you. He cried in a strange voice, like a cry. The mother and Gudrun stood back as if hypnotised. No, stammered Ursula. Her father was very near to her. You only want to? She knew it was dangerous, and she stopped. He was gathered together every muscle ready. What! he challenged. Bully me! she muttered. And even as her lips were moving, his hand had caught her smack at the side of the face, and she was sent up against the door. Father! cried Gudrun in a high voice. It is impossible! He stood unmoving. Ursula recovered. Her hand was on the door handle. She slowly drew herself up. He seemed doubtful now. It's true, she declared, with brilliant tears in her eyes. Her head lifted up in defiance. What has your love meant? What did it ever mean? Bullying and denial, it did. He was advancing again with strange tense movements, and clenched fist and the face of a murderer. But swift as lightning she had flashed out of the door, and they heard her running upstairs. He stood for a moment looking at the door. Then, like a defeated animal, he turned and went back to his seat by the fire. Gudrun was very white. Out of the intense silence, the mother's voice was heard saying cold and angry, Well, you shouldn't take so much notice of her! Again the silence fell. Each followed a separate set of emotions and thoughts. Suddenly the door opened again. Ursula dressed in hat and furs with a small valise in her hand. Good-bye! she said, in her maddening, bright, almost mocking tone. I'm going! And in the next instant the door was closed. They heard the outer door, then her quick steps down the garden path, then the gate banged and her light footfall was gone. There was a silence like death in the house. Ursula went straight to the station, hastening heedlessly on winged feet. There was no train. She must walk on to the junction. As she went through the darkness she began to cry, and she wept bitterly with a dumb, heartbroken child's anguish all the way on the road and in the train. Time passed unheeded and unknown. She did not know where she was nor what was taking place. Only she wept from fathomless depths of hopeless, hopeless grief, the terrible grief of a child that knows no extenuation. Yet her voice had the same defensive brightness as she spoke to Birkin's landlady at the door. Good evening! Is Mr. Birkin in? Can I see him? Yes, he's in. He's in his study. Ursula slipped past the woman. His door opened. He had heard her voice. Hello! he exclaimed in surprise, seeing her standing there with the valise in her hand and marks of tears on her face. She was one who wept without showing many traces, like a child. Do I look a sight? she said, shrinking. No. Why? Come in. He took the bag from her hand and they went into the study. There, immediately, her lips began to tremble like those of a child that remembers again, and the tears came rushing up. What's the matter? he asked, taking her in his arms. She sobbed violently on his shoulder whilst he held her still, waiting. What's the matter? he said again when she was quieter. But she only pressed her face further into his shoulder, in pain, like a child that cannot tell. What is it, then? he asked. Suddenly she broke away, wiped her eyes, regained her composure, and went and sat in a chair. Father, hit me! she announced, sitting bunched up rather like a ruffled bird, her eyes very bright. What for? he said. She looked away and would not answer. There was a pitiful redness about her sensitive nostrils and her quivering lips. Why? he repeated in his strange, soft, penetrating voice. She looked round at him rather defiantly. Because I said I was going to be married tomorrow, and he bullied me. Why did he bully you? Her mouth dropped again. She remembered the scene once more, the tears came up. Because I said he didn't care, and he doesn't. It's only his domineeringness that's hurt. She said. Her mouth pulled a rye by her weeping all the time she spoke, so that he almost smiled. It seemed so childish. Yet it was not childish. It was a mortal conflict, a deep wound. It isn't quite true, he said, and even so you shouldn't say it. It is true. It is true. She wept, and I won't be bullied by his pretending his love when it isn't. He doesn't care. How can he? No, he can't. He sat in silence. She moved him beyond himself. Then you shouldn't rouse him if he can't, replied Birkin quietly. And I have loved him. I have, she wept. I've loved him always, that he's always done this to me. He has. It's been a love of opposition then, he said. Never mind. It will be all right. It's nothing desperate. Yes, she wept. It is, it is. Why? I shall never see him again. Not immediately. Don't cry. You had to break with him. It had to be. Don't cry. He went over to her and kissed her fine fragile hair, touching her wet cheeks gently. Don't cry, he repeated. Don't cry any more. He held her head close against him, very close and quiet. At last she was still. Then she looked up, her eyes wide and frightened. Don't you want me? She asked. Want you? His dark and steady eyes puzzled her, and did not give her play. Do you wish I hadn't come? She asked, anxious now again for fear she might be out of place. No, he said. I wish there hadn't been the violence, so much ugliness. But perhaps it was inevitable. She watched him in silence. He seemed deadened. But where shall I stay? She asked, feeling humiliated. He thought for a moment. Here, with me, he said, We're married as much to-day as we shall be to-morrow. But, I'll tell Mrs. Varley, he said, never mind now. He sat looking at her. She could feel his dark and steady eyes looking at her all the time. It made her a little bit frightened. She pushed her hair off her forehead nervously. Do I look ugly? she said, and she blew her nose again. A small smile came round his eyes. No, he said, fortunately. And he went across to her and gathered her like a belonging in his arms. She was so tenderly beautiful, he could not bear to see her, he could only bear to hide her against himself. Now, washed all clean by her tears, she was new and frail like a flower just unfolded. A flower so new, so tender, so made perfect by inner light, that he could not bear to look at her. He must hide her against himself, cover his eyes against her. She had the perfect candour of creation, something translucent and simple, like a radiant shining flower that moment unfolded in primal blessedness. She was so new, so wonder-clear, so undimmed. And he was so old, so steeped in heavy memories. Her soul was new, undefined, and glimmering with the unseen, and his soul was dark and gloomy. It had only one grain of living hope, like a grain of mustard seed. But this one living grain in him matched the perfect use in her. I love you, he whispered as he kissed her, and trembled with pure hope, like a man who was born again to a wonderful, lively hope, far exceeding the bounds of death. She could not know how much it meant to him, how much he meant by the few words. Almost childish, she wanted proof and statement, even overstatement, for everything seemed still uncertain, unfixed to her. But the passion of gratitude with which he received her into his soul, the extreme unthinkable gladness of knowing himself living and fit to unite with her, he who was so nearly dead, who was so near to being gone with the rest of his race down the slope of mechanical death, could never be understood by her. He worshipped her as age worships youth, he gloried in her, because in his one grain of faith he was young as she, he was her proper mate. This marriage with her was his resurrection, and his life, all this she could not know. She wanted to be made much of, to be adored. There were infinite distances of silence between them. How could he tell her of the imminence of her beauty, that was not form or weight or colour, but something like a strange golden light? How could he know himself what her beauty lay in for him? He said, your nose is beautiful, your chin is adorable, but it sounded like lies, and she was disappointed, hurt. Even when he said, whispering with truth, I love you, I love you, it was not the real truth, it was something beyond love, such a gladness of having surpassed oneself, of having transcended the old existence, how could he say I when he was something new and unknown, not himself at all? This I, this old formula of the age was a dead letter. In the new superfine bliss, a peace superseding knowledge, there was no I and you. There was only the third unrealized wonder, the wonder of existing not as oneself, but in a consummation of my being and of her being in a new one, a new paradisal unit regained from the duality. Nor can I say I love you when I have ceased to be and you have ceased to be, we are both caught up and transcended into a new oneness where everything is silent, because there is nothing to answer. All is perfect and at one. Speech travels between the separate parts, but in the perfect one there is perfect silence of bliss. They were married by law on the next day, and she did as he bade her, she wrote to her father and mother. Her mother replied, not her father. She did not go back to school. She stayed with Birkin in his rooms or at the mill, moving with him as he moved, but she did not see any body save Gudrun and Gerald. She was all strange and wandering as yet, but relieved as by dawn. Gerald sat talking to her one afternoon in the warm study down at the mill. Rupert had not yet come home. You are happy? Gerald asked her with a smile. Very happy, she cried, shrinking a little in her brightness. Yes, one can see it. Can one? cried Ursula in surprise. He looked up at her with a communicative smile. Oh, yes, plainly! She was pleased. She meditated a moment. And can you see that Rupert is happy as well? He lowered his eyelids and looked aside. Oh, yes, he said. Really? Oh, yes! He was very quiet, as if it were something not to be talked about by him. He seemed sad. She was very sensitive to suggestion. She asked the question he wanted her to ask. Why don't you be happy as well? she said. You could be just the same. He paused a moment. With Gudrun, he asked. Yes, she cried, her eyes glowing. But there was a strange tension and emphasis, as if they were asserting their wishes against the truth. You think Gudrun would have me and we should be happy? he said. Yes, I'm sure, she cried. Her eyes were round with delight, yet underneath she was constrained. She knew her own insistence. Oh, I'm so glad, she added. He smiled. What makes you glad? he said. For her sake, she replied. I'm sure you're the right man for her. You are, he said. And do you think she would agree with you? Oh, yes! she exclaimed hastily. Then, upon reconsideration, very uneasy. Though Gudrun isn't so very simple, is she? One doesn't know her in five minutes, does one. She's not like me in that. She laughed at him, with her strange, open, dazzled face. You think she's not much like you? Gerald asked. She knitted her brows. Oh, in many ways she is, but I never know what she will do when anything new comes. You don't, said Gerald. He was silent for some moments. Then he moved tentatively. I was going to ask her, in any case, to go away with me at Christmas, he said, in a very small, cautious voice. Go away with you, for a time, you mean. As long as she likes, he said, with a deprecating movement. They were both silent for some minutes. Of course, said Ursula at last, she might just be willing to rush into marriage. You can see. Yes, smiled Gerald, I can see. But in case she won't, do you think she would go abroad with me for a few days, or for a fortnight? Oh, yes, said Ursula. I'd ask her. Do you think we might all go together? All of us. Again, Ursula's face lighted up. It would be rather fun, don't you think? Great fun, he said. And then you could see, said Ursula. What? How things went. I think it is best to take the honeymoon before the wedding, don't you? She was pleased with this mule. He laughed. In certain cases, he said, I'd rather it were so in my own case. Would you? exclaimed Ursula. Then, doubtingly, yes, perhaps you're right. One should please oneself. Birkin came in a little later, and Ursula told him what had been said. Goodrin, exclaimed Birkin. She's a born mistress, just as Gerald is a born lover, amant en titre. If, as somebody says, all women are either wives or mistresses, then Goodrin is a mistress. And all men either lovers or husbands, cried Ursula. But why not both? The one excludes the other, he laughed. Then I want a lover! cried Ursula. No, you don't, he said. But I do! she wailed. He kissed her and laughed. It was two days after this that Ursula was to go to fetch her things from the house in Beldover. The removal had taken place, the family had gone. Goodrin had rooms in Willy Green. Ursula had not seen her parents since her marriage. She wept over the rupture. Yet what was the good of making it up? Good or not good, she could not go to them. So her things had been left behind, and she and Goodrin were to walk over for them in the afternoon. It was a wintery afternoon with red in the sky when they arrived at the house. The windows were dark and blank. Already the place was frightening. A stark void entrance hall struck a chill to the hearts of the girls. I don't believe I dare have come in alone, said Ursula. It frightens me. Ursula cried Goodrin. Isn't it amazing? Can you believe you lived in this place and never felt it? How I lived here a day without dying of terror I cannot conceive. They looked in the big dining-room. It was a good-sized room, but now a cell would have been lovelier. The large bay windows were naked, the floor was stripped, and a border of dark polish went round the tract of pale boarding. In the faded wallpaper were dark patches where furniture had stood, where pictures had hung. The sense of walls, dry, thin, flimsy-seeming walls, and a flimsy flooring pale with its artificial black edges, was neutralising to the mind. Everything was null to the senses. There was enclosure without substance, for the walls were dry and papery. Where were they standing, on earth, or suspended in some cardboard box? In the hearth was burnt paper, and scraps of half-burnt paper. Imagine that we passed our days here, said Ursula. I know, cried Gudrun, it is too appalling. What must we be like if we're the contents of this? Bile, said Ursula, it really is. And she recognised half-burnt covers of vogue, half-burnt representations of women in gowns lying under the grate. They went to the drawing-room, another piece of shut-in air without weight or substance, only a sense of intolerable papery imprisonment in nothingness. The kitchen did look more substantial, because of the red-tiled floor and the stove, but it was cold and horrid. The two girls tramped hollowly up the bare stairs. Every sound re-echoed under their hearts. They tramped down the bare corridor. Against the wall of Ursula's bedroom were her things, a trunk, a work-basket, some books, loose coats, a hat-box, standing desolate in the universal emptiness of the dusk. A cheerful sight, aren't they? said Ursula, looking down at her forsaken possessions. Very cheerful, said Gudrun. The two girls set to, carrying everything down to the front door. Again and again they made the hollow re-echoing transit. The whole place seemed to resound about them, with a noise of hollow, empty futility. In the distance the empty, invisible rooms sent forth a vibration almost of obscenity. They almost fled with the last articles into the out-of-door. But it was cold. They were waiting for Birkin, who was coming with the car. They went in doors again, and upstairs to their parents' front bedroom, whose windows looked down on the road, and across the country at the black barred sunset. Black and red barred without light. They sat down in the window-seat to wait. Both girls were looking over the room. It was void, with a meaninglessness that was almost dreadful. Really! said Ursula, this room couldn't be sacred, could it? Gudrun looked over it with slow eyes. Impossible! she replied. When I think of their lives, fathers and mothers, their love and their marriage, and all of us children, and our bringing up, would you have such a life prune? I wouldn't, Ursula. It all seems so nothing, their two lives. There's no meaning in it. Really, if they had not met, and not married, and not lived together, it wouldn't have mattered, would it? Of course, you can't tell, said Gudrun. No, but if I thought my life was going to be like it, prune! she caught Gudrun's arm. I should run! Gudrun was silent for a few moments. As a matter of fact, one cannot contemplate the ordinary life. One cannot contemplate it, replied Gudrun. With you, Ursula, it is quite different. You will be out of it all with Birkin. He's a special case. But with the ordinary man, who has his life fixed in one place, marriage is just impossible. There may be, and there are, thousands of women who want it, and could conceive of nothing else. But the very thought of it sends me mad. One must be free. Above all, one must be free. One may forfeit everything else, but one must be free. One must not become seven Pinchbeck Street, or Somerset Drive, or Shortlands. No man will be sufficient to make that good, no man. To marry, one must have a freelance or nothing, a comrade in arms, a Gluck's Ritter. A man with a position in the social world, well, it is just impossible. Impossible. What a lovely word, a Gluck's Ritter, said Ursula, so much nicer than a soldier of fortune. Yes, isn't it? said Gudrun. I'd tilt the world with a Gluck's Ritter. But a home, an establishment. Ursula, what would it mean? Think. I know, said Ursula, we've had one home. That's enough for me. Quite enough, said Gudrun. The little grey home in the west, quoted Ursula ironically. Doesn't it sound grey, too? said Gudrun grimly. They were interrupted by the sound of the car. There was Birkin. Ursula was surprised that she felt so lit up, that she became suddenly so free from the problems of grey homes in the west. They heard his heels click on the whole pavement below. Hello, he called, his voice echoing alive through the house. Ursula smiled to herself. He was frightened of the place, too. Hello, here we are, she called downstairs. And they heard him quickly running up. This is a ghostly situation, he said. These houses don't have ghosts, they've never had any personality, and only a place with personality can have a ghost, said Gudrun. I suppose so. Are you both weeping over the past? We are, said Gudrun grimly. Ursula laughed. Not weeping that it's gone, but weeping that it ever was, she said. Oh, he replied relieved. He sat down for a moment. There was something in his presence, Ursula thought, lambent and alive. It made even the impertinent structure of this null house disappear. Gudrun says she could not bear to be married and put into a house, said Ursula, meaningful. They knew this referred to Gerald. He was silent for some moments. Well, he said, if you know beforehand you couldn't stand it, you're safe. Quite, said Gudrun. Why does every woman think her aim in life is to have a hubby and a little grey home in the west? Why is this the goal of life? Why should it be, said Ursula? Il faut avoir le respect de ces bêtises, said Birkin. But you needn't have the respect for the bêtises before you've committed it, laughed Ursula. Ah, then, des bêtises du papa? Et la maman, added Gudrun satirically. Et les voisins, said Ursula. They all laughed and rose. It was getting dark. They carried the things to the car. Gudrun locked the door of the empty house. Birkin had lighted the lamps of the automobile. It all seemed very happy as if they were setting out. Do you mind stopping at Coulson's? I had to leave the key there, said Gudrun. Right, said Birkin, and they moved off. They stopped in the main street. The shops were just lighted. The last miners were passing home along the causeways, half-visible shadows in their grey pit dirt, moving through the blue air. But their feet rang harshly in manifold sound along the pavement. How pleased Gudrun was to come out of the shop and enter the car, and be borne swiftly away into the downhill of palpable dusk with Ursula and Birkin. What an adventure life seemed at this moment. How deeply, how suddenly, she envied Ursula. Life for her was so quick and an open door, so reckless as if not only this world, but the world that was gone and the world to come were nothing to her. Ah, if she could be just like that, it would be perfect. For always, except in her moments of excitement, she felt a want within herself. She was unsure. She had felt that now at last, in Gerald's strong and violent love, she was living fully and finally. But when she compared herself with Ursula, already her soul was jealous, unsatisfied. She was not satisfied. She was never to be satisfied. What was she short of now? It was marriage. It was the wonderful stability of marriage. She did want it, let her say what she might. She had been lying. The old idea of marriage was right even now, marriage and the home. Yet her mouth gave a little grimace at the words. She thought of Gerald and Shortland's marriage and the home. Ah, well, let it rest. He meant a great deal to her, but perhaps it was not in her to marry. She was one of life's outcasts, one of the drifting lives that have no root. No, no, it could not be so. She suddenly conjured up a rosy room with herself in a beautiful gown and a handsome man-in-evening dress who held her in his arms in the fire-light and kissed her. This picture she entitled Home. It would have done for the Royal Academy. Come with us to tea, do, said Ursula, as they ran nearer to the cottage of Willy Green. Thanks awfully, but I must go in, said Gudrun. She wanted very much to go on with Ursula and Birkin. That seemed like life indeed to her. Yet a certain perversity would not let her. Do come? Yes, it would be so nice! pleaded Ursula. I'm awfully sorry. I should love to, but I can't, really. She descended from the car in trembling haste. Can't you really? came Ursula's regretful voice. No, really, I can't! responded Gudrun's pathetic, chagrarned words out of the dusk. All right, are you? called Birkin. Quite! said Gudrun. Good night! Good night! they called. Come whenever you like. We shall be glad, called Birkin. Thank you very much, called Gudrun, in the strange, twanging voice of lonely chagrarn that was very puzzling to him. She turned away to her cottage gate, and they drove on. But immediately she stood to watch them, as the car ran vague into the distance. And as she went up the path to her strange house, her heart was full of incomprehensible bitterness. In her parlour was a long-case clock, and inserted into its dial was a ruddy, round, slant-eyed, joyous-painted face that wagged over with the most ridiculous ogle when the clock ticked, and back again with the same absurd glad-eye at the next tick. All the time the absurd, smooth, brown-ruddy face gave her an obtrusive glad-eye. She stood for minutes watching it till a sort of maddened disgust overcame her, and she laughed at herself hollowly, and still it rocked and gave her the glad-eye from one side, then from the other, from one side, then from the other. Oh, how unhappy she was! In the midst of her most active happiness, oh, how unhappy she was! She glanced at the table, gooseberry jam, and the same homemade cake with too much soda in it. Still, gooseberry jam was good, and one so rarely got it. All the evenings she wanted to go to the mill, but she coldly refused to allow herself. She went the next afternoon instead. She was happy to find Ursula alone. It was a lovely, intimate, secluded atmosphere. They talked endlessly and delightedly. Aren't you fearfully happy here? said Gudrun to her sister, glancing at her own bright eyes in the mirror. She always envied, almost with resentment, the strange, positive fullness that subsisted in the atmosphere around Ursula and Birkin. How really beautifully this room is done, she said aloud. This hard, plaited matting, what a lovely colour it is, the colour of cool light. And it seemed to her perfect. Ursula, she said at length, in a voice of question and detachment, did you know that Gerald Crye had suggested our going away altogether at Christmas? Yes, he spoken to Rupert. A deep flush died Gudrun's cheek. She was silent a moment as if taken aback, and not knowing what to say. But don't you think, she said at last, it is amazingly cool. Ursula laughed. I like him for it, she said. Gudrun was silent. It was evident that, whilst she was almost mortified by Gerald's taking the liberty of making such a suggestion to Birkin, yet the idea itself attracted her strongly. There's rather lovely simplicity about Gerald, I think, said Ursula. So defiant somehow. Oh, I think he's very lovable. Gudrun did not reply for some moments. She had still to get over the feeling of insult at the liberty taken with her freedom. What did Rupert say, do you know? she asked. He said it would be most awfully jolly, said Ursula. Again Gudrun looked down and was silent. Don't you think it would? said Ursula tentatively. She was never quite sure how many defences Gudrun was having round herself. Gudrun raised her face with difficulty and held it averted. I think it might be awfully jolly, as you say, she replied. But don't you think it was an unpardonable liberty to take, to talk of such things to Rupert, who after all, you see what I mean, Ursula? They might have been two men arranging an outing with some little teep they'd picked up. Oh, I think it's unforgivable, quite. She used the French word teep. Her eyes flashed, her soft face was flushed and sullen. Ursula looked on rather frightened. Frightened most of all because she thought Gudrun seemed rather common. Really like a little teep. But she had not the courage quite to think this, not write out. Oh, oh, no! she cried, stammering. Oh, no! not at all like that. Oh, no! No, I think it's rather beautiful, the friendship between Rupert and Gerald. They just are simple. They say anything to each other, like brothers. Gudrun flushed deeper. She could not bear it that Gerald gave her away, even to Birkin. But do you think even brothers have any right to exchange confidences of that sort? She asked, with deep anger. Oh, yes! said Ursula. There's never anything said that isn't perfectly straightforward. No. The thing that's amazed me most in Gerald, how perfectly simple and direct he can be. And you know it takes rather a big man. Most of them must be indirect. They are such cowards. But Gudrun was still silent with anger. She wanted the absolute secrecy kept with regard to her movements. Won't you go? said Ursula. Do, we might all be so happy. There is something I love about Gerald. He's much more lovable than I thought him. He's free, Gudrun. He really is. Gudrun's mouth was still closed, sullen and ugly. She opened it at length. Do you know where he proposes to go? she asked. Yes, to the Tyrol, where he used to go when he was in Germany. A lovely place where students go small and rough and lovely for winter sport. Through Gudrun's mind went the angry thought. They know everything. Yes, she said aloud. About forty kilometres from Innsbruck, isn't it? I don't know exactly where. But it would be lovely, don't you think? High in the perfect snow. Very lovely, said Gudrun sarcastically. Ursula was put out. Of course, she said, I think Gerald spoke to Rupert so that it shouldn't seem like an outing with a teep. I know, of course, said Gudrun, that he quite commonly does take up with that sort. Does he? said Ursula. Why, how do you know? I know of a model in Chelsea, said Gudrun coldly. Now Ursula was silent. Well, she said at last with a doubtful laugh. I hope he has a good time with her. At which Gudrun looked more glum. End of Chapter 27. Recording by Ruth Golding Chapter 28 of Women in Love This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Ruth Golding Women in Love by D. H. Lawrence Chapter 28. Gudrun in the Pompadour Christmas drew near. All four prepared for flight. Birkin and Ursula were busy packing their few personal things, making them ready to be sent off to whatever country and whatever place they might choose at last. Gudrun was very much excited. She loved to be on the wing. She and Gerald being ready first, set off via London and Paris to Innsbruck, where they would meet Ursula and Birkin. In London, they stayed one night. They went to the music hall and afterwards to the Pompadour cafe. Gudrun hated the cafe, yet she always went back to it, as did most of the artists of her acquaintance. She loathed its atmosphere of petty vice and petty jealousy and petty art. Yet she always called in again when she was in town. It was as if she had to return to this small, slow, central whirlpool of disintegration and dissolution. Just give it a look. She sat with Gerald drinking some Swedish liqueur, and staring with black sullen looks at the various groups of people at the tables. She would greet nobody, but young men nodded to her frequently with a kind of sneering familiarity. She cut them all. And it gave her pleasure to sit there, cheeks flushed, eyes black and sullen, seeing them all objectively, as put away from her, like creatures in some menagerie of apish degraded souls. God what a foul crew they were! Her blood beat black and thick in her veins with rage and loathing. Yet she must sit and watch, watch. One or two people came to speak to her. From every side of the cafe, eyes turned half furtively, half jeeringly at her, men looking over their shoulders, women under their hats. The old crowd was there, Carlyon in his corner with his pupils and his girl, Halliday and Lipidnikov and the Pussum, they were all there. Gudrun watched Gerald. She watched his eyes linger a moment on Halliday, on Halliday's party. These last were on the lookout. They nodded to him, he nodded again. They giggled and whispered among themselves. Gerald watched them with the steady twinkle in his eyes. They were urging the Pussum to something. She at last rose. She was wearing a curious dress of dark silk, splashed and spattered with different colours. A curious motley effect. She was thinner. Her eyes were perhaps hotter, more disintegrated. Otherwise she was just the same. Gerald watched her with the same steady twinkle in his eyes as she came across. She held out her thin, brown hand to him. How are you? she said. He shook hands with her, but remained seated and let her stand near him against the table. She nodded blackly to Gudrun, whom she did not know to speak to, but well enough by sight and reputation. I'm very well, said Gerald, and you. Oh, I'm all right. What about Rupert? Rupert, he's very well, too. Yes, I don't mean that. What about him being married? Oh, yes, he is married. The Pussum's eyes had a hot flash. Oh, he's really boarded off then, has he? When was he married? A week or two ago. Really? He's never written. No. No, don't you think it's too bad? This last was in a tone of challenge. The Pussum let it be known by her tone that she was aware of Gudrun's listening. I suppose he didn't feel like it, replied Gerald. But why didn't he pursued the Pussum? This was received in silence. There was an ugly mocking persistence in the small beautiful figure of the short-haired girl as she stood near Gerald. Are you staying in town long? she asked. Tonight only. Oh, only tonight. Are you coming over to speak to Julius? Not tonight. Oh, very well. I'll tell him then. Then came her touch of Diablory. You're looking awfully fit. Yes, I feel it. Gerald was quite calm and easy, a spark of satiric amusement in his eye. Are you having a good time? This was a direct blow for Gudrun, spoken in a level toneless voice of callous ease. Yes, he replied quite colourlessly. I'm awfully sorry you aren't coming round as flat. You aren't very faithful to your friends. Not very, he said. She nodded them both good night and went back slowly to her own set. Gudrun watched her curious walk, stiff and jerking at the loins. They heard her level toneless voice distinctly. He won't come over. He is otherwise engaged, it said. There was more laughter and lowered voices and mockery at the table. Is she a friend of yours? said Gudrun, looking calmly at Gerald. I'd stayed at Halliday's flat with Birkin, he said, meeting her slow, calm eyes. And she knew that the pussum was one of his mistresses, and he knew she knew. She looked round and called for the waiter. She wanted an iced cocktail of all things. This amused Gerald. He wondered what was up. The Halliday party was tipsy and malicious. They were talking out loudly about Birkin, ridiculing him on every point, particularly on his marriage. Oh, don't make me think of Birkin! Halliday was squealing. He makes me perfectly sick. It's as bad as Jesus. Lord, what must I do to be saved? he giggled to himself tipsily. Do you remember? came the quick voice of the Russian. The letters he used to send, desire is holy. Oh, yes! cried Halliday. Oh, how perfect this blended! Why, I've got one in my pocket. I'm sure I have. He took out various papers from his pocketbook. I'm sure I've it. Oh, dear! got one. Gerald and Gudrun were watching absorbedly. Oh, yes! how perfectly it's blended! Don't make me laugh, but it gives me the hiccups. They all giggled. What did he say in that one? the pussom asked, leaning forward, her dark soft hair falling and swinging against her face. There was something curiously indecent obscene about her small, longish dark skull, particularly when the ears showed. Wait, oh, do wait! No, I won't give it to you. I'll read it aloud. I'll read you the choice, please. Oh, dear! Do you think if I drank water it would take off this hiccup? Oh, I feel perfectly helpless. Isn't that the letter about uniting the dark and the light and the flux of corruption? asked Maxin in his precise, quick voice. I believe so, said the pussom. Oh, is it? I'd forgotten. It was that one. Halliday said, opening the letter. Oh, yes! how perfectly it's blended! This is one of the best. There is a phase in every race. He read in the sing-song slow, distinct voice of a clergyman reading the scriptures. When the desire for destruction overcomes every other desire, in the individual this desire is ultimately a desire for destruction in the self. He paused and looked up. I hope he's going ahead with the destruction of himself, said the quick voice of the Russian. Halliday giggled and lulled his head back vaguely. There's not much to destroy in him, said the pussom. He's so thin already, there's only a fag end to start on. Oh, isn't it beautiful? I love reading it. I believe it has cured my hiccup, squealed Halliday. Do let me go on. It is a desire for the reduction process in oneself, a reducing back to the origin, a return along the flocks of corruption to the original rudimentary conditions of being. Oh, but I do think it is wonderful. It almost supersedes the Bible. Yes, flocks of corruption, said the Russian. I remember that phrase. Oh, he was always talking about corruption, said the pussom. He must be co-opting himself to have it so much on his mind. Exactly, said the Russian. Do let me go on. Oh, this is a perfectly wonderful piece, but do listen to this. And in the great retrogression, the reducing back of the created body of life, we get knowledge. And beyond knowledge, the phosphorescent ecstasy of acute sensation. Oh, I do think these phrases are too absurdly wonderful. Oh, but don't you think they are? They're nearly as good as Jesus. And if, Julius, you want this ecstasy of reduction with the pussom, you must go on till it is fulfilled. But surely there is in you also somewhere the living desire for positive creation, relationships in ultimate faith, when all this process of active corruption with all its flowers of mud is transcended and more or less finished. I do wonder what the flowers of mud are. Pussom, you are a flower of mud. Thank you. And what are you? Oh, I'm another, surely, according to this letter. We're all flowers of mud. Dumal. It's perfectly wonderful, Birkin harrowing hell, harrowing the pompadour. Go on, go on, said Maxim. What comes next? It's really very interesting. I think it's awful cheap to write like that, said the pussom. Yes, yes, so do I, said the Russian. He's a megalomaniac, of course. It's a form of religious mania. He thinks he is the saviour of man. Go on reading. Surely, Halliday entoned, Surely goodness and mercy have followed me all the days of my life. He broke off and giggled. Then he began again, entoning like a clergyman. Surely there will come an end in us to this desire, for the constant going apart, this passion for putting asunder everything ourselves, reducing ourselves part from part, reacting in intimacy only for destruction, using sex as a great reducing agent, reducing the two great elements of male and female from their highly complex unity, reducing the old ideas going back to the savages for our sensations, always seeking to lose ourselves in some ultimate black sensation, mindless and infinite, burning only with destructive vials, raging on with the hope of being burned out utterly. I want to go, said Goodran to Gerald as she signalled the waiter. Her eyes were flashing, her cheeks were flushed. The strange effect of Birkin's letter read aloud in a perfect, clerical, sing-song, clear and resonant phrase by phrase made the blood mount into her head as if she were mad. She rose whilst Gerald was paying the bill and walked over to Halliday's table. They all glanced up at her. Excuse me, she said. Is that a genuine letter you are reading? Oh, yes, said Halliday, quite genuine. May I see? Smiling foolishly, he handed it to her as if hypnotised. Thank you, she said. And she turned and walked out of the cafe with the letter, all down the brilliant room between the tables in her measured fashion. It was some moments before anybody realised what was happening. From Halliday's table came half articulate cries, then somebody booed, then all the far end of the place began booing after Goodran's retreating form. She was fashionably dressed in blackish green and silver. Her hat was brilliant green like the sheen on an insect, but the brim was soft dark green, a falling edge with fine silver. Her coat was dark green, lustrous, with a high collar of grey fur and great fur cuffs. The edge of her dress showed silver and black velvet. Her stockings and shoes were silver-gray. She moved with slow, fashionable indifference to the door. The porter opened obsequiously for her, and at her nod hurried to the edge of the pavement and whistled for a taxi. The two lights of a vehicle almost immediately curved round towards her, like two eyes. Gerald had followed in wonder amid all the booing, not having caught her misdeed. He heard the pussum's voice, saying, Go and get it back from her. I never heard of such a thing. Go and get it back from her. Tell Gerald cry. There he goes. Go and make him give it up. Gudrun stood at the door of the taxi, which the man held open for her. To the hotel, she asked, as Gerald came out hurriedly. Where you like, he answered. Right, she said. Then to the driver, wag-staff's Barton Street. The driver bowed his head and put down the flag. Gudrun entered the taxi with the deliberate cold movement of a woman who is well-dressed and contemptuous in her soul. Yet she was frozen with overwrought feelings. Gerald followed her. You've forgotten the man, she said, coolly, with a slight nod of her hat. Gerald gave the porter a shilling. The man saluted. They were in motion. What was all the row about? asked Gerald in wondering excitement. I walked away with Birkin's letter, she said. And he saw the crushed paper in her hand. His eyes glittered with satisfaction. He said, splendid! A set of jackasses! I could have killed them! she cried in passion. Dogs! They are dogs! Why is Rupert such a fool as to write such letters to them? Why does he give himself away to such can I? It's a thing that cannot be borne! Gerald wondered over her strange passion. And she could not rest any longer in London. They must go by the morning train from Charing Cross. As they drew over the bridge in the train, having glimpses of the river between the great iron girders, she cried, I feel I could never see this foul town again. I couldn't bear to come back to it. End of Chapter 28 Recording by Ruth Golding