 This is Mike with the 21 report behind the scenes in Orlando, Florida for the 21 convention 2017 tenure anniversary I'm sitting alongside Johnny Soporno. Johnny, welcome to the show. Thank you so much It's been great having you here, and I'm looking forward to get into some questions with you But before we do that Johnny, I was wondering if you could give everyone a quick overview of your talk and why you chose to talk about it Okay, I got about 40 hours of non-repeating content that I've been sharing for the last decade or so online I wanted to put in some new stuff that alluded to some of that and gave some of the critical underpinnings But I wanted this to be something that people who'd already seen a lot of my stuff would be compelled to come and visit I wanted to add new value So I added a few things and I thought were particularly important and I also summarized an awful lot of different aspects of different things from my previous Exposays so an easy way to say it is I wanted to cover Firstly the notion of what successfulness is because as far as I can tell Successfulness is the most compellingly attractive characteristic anyone can have when a person Radiates Successfulness which they do effortlessly. They don't have to do anything. It just comes out from their pores People want to be around them people gather around them because it's nice to be in the company of someone who clearly loves themselves Clearly feels they're good enough Clearly likes Pardon me being alive Likes helping other people and empowering other people because for me thematically I have a mission statement Okay, my life. Okay, I exist to enjoy the rewards of my best efforts and So I put in my best efforts in everything I do and the rewards are incredible and I enjoy the hell out of them One of the rewards is every time I do something nice for another person who I feel is deserving Every time I do something nice for someone who I imagine will appreciate it I get to feel ten feet tall and when I walk around feeling ten feet tall Other people can sense my joy in my life and they want to be around me What could be a better circumstance than my investing energy? That would otherwise be wasted Time is the universal non replaceable non replenishing resource and if you don't use every bit of your time It disappears as though you had used it So if I've got time I look around for people I can help I check to see is there something I do to help If they say no, I accept that I recognize that's okay Let me know if you change your mind and I walk away feeling good about myself for at least Demonstrating to them. They're not alone There are in fact people who would be happy to help Not for the ego rush that they feel they could get not because they want to make the person They're helping feel diminished, but just because they have the time and the availability If they do wish my help, I'm happy to do it. I don't need any reward from them Just knowing that they'd like it means we have a contract of appreciation I'll do what I can just help they'll appreciate by making the attempt. I Feel good about it. I walk away feeling like a king Everyone responds to me positively Everybody wins Exactly. Yeah, so one thing men come to you looking for help with this is their success with women What's the biggest Mistake you see most men make? Oh? Wow, that would be a challenging one Why don't I start with a couple of the fundamental mind frames a couple of fundamental ways that men? Absolutely self-solid Any man who thinks that there's a battle of the sexes Starts out from a losing position Okay, we would not exist as a species if the males and the females weren't meant to get together Okay, before we had language before we had status before we had possessions No one had to be show off in order to get laid The women would decide that they wanted to be fertilized now. They'd look around for a guy who's prepared to come over and do the job And then after he was done Had done his little rutting passed out. They'd go off and find the next guy to do the job Now we've built up this huge thing where the idea that a woman would Possibly ever have sex with more than one person is an atrocious idea. Oh, how awful instead of recognizing that That's what women evolved to do. The idea of sexual exclusivity is purely a cultural one Built when people decided that women like land Could be property As soon as you think that women can be property you basically put your head in the noose Because women can't be and won't be even if you tell a woman you have no choice But to do exactly what I want you to do and that's what it's going to take for us to stay together The girl will treat you exactly the same way she did to her father. She's going to recognize you as her sponsor Her safety provider, she's gonna love and appreciate you the same way she did daddy and just like with daddy She's gonna know that what you don't know Won't hurt you Just like what daddy doesn't know won't hurt him. So Johnny, what is your take or your philosophy on? Monogamy I Looked up monogamy in my family dictionary and the closest I think I could find was some kind of wood It was very expensive But apparently if laid properly at the outset you could walk all over it for the rest of your life I've basically realized that was true for most partners in most relationships If they were laid properly at the outset their partner could walk all over them for the rest of their lives I look at monogamy as an extremely unhealthy paradigm But I don't believe that everyone is cut out to or interested in having lots of partners But monogamy as usually described Involves a contract that starts out with this premise. I Will grant myself to you in exchange for which you will grant yourself to me Exclusively with no competition How long do you imagine it's supposed to take when two people have both been granted to each other Before one or the other of them begins to feel taken for granted since after all that's exactly what's going on So you have this problem the warning is right there on the label When you grant yourself to someone else It's basically saying okay, baby. What's your favorite food lasagna? I think the best lasagna you've ever had and I'm gonna make it for you for breakfast lunch Anytime you want you have as much lasagna as you want all it all it requires is you never ever ever Have anything else? How many weeks of lasagna do you think you could have before either one of the following becomes true first one? You begin to hate or resent lasagna or you just have no interest in it Or you start to look at lasagna no matter how well it's made or no matter how much extra effort I put into making it for you and it still just becomes food Fuel How long is it gonna be before pizza starts sounding incredible, right Kentucky fried chicken? I'm all over that action So to try and throttle a person down and keep them from having the experiences they like Sounds like a pretty sure recipe for building up resentment hostility and disgust My take on it is a good relationship a mature relationship where people love one another Each one understands that the joy and happiness of the other is intrinsic to their own necessary In my own primary relationship, I've been with Violet now for 13 years She's my very best friend and my most favorite lover and she's incredible Brilliant funny sexiest could be I Still check her out every time she walks past me in the room because she's gorgeous I'm not just saying that anyone wants to find out can find her She's still online as a professional webcam model in the erotic costume Play I mean that you know that anime cosplay and she's stunning and brilliant and charming and men love her And so the women she's got a huge fan base interesting thing about her is she wants me to feel vibrant and alive and Sexy and powerful when we first hooked up I was vibrant and alive and sexy and powerful and if I left the house to go out and find someone to go to bed with Within a couple of hours I would be deeply into someone's flesh and she would know that this was true And it would delight her that I could do that Here we are 13 years later and she knows that if I go out the odds are very good I'm gonna be with somebody else, but I also know exactly where home is I know exactly why I'm going home. She encourages me to have all the fun I can or wants to hear about it. So we're a team sharing and encouraging one another all the time Whether we're together or not if she says I'm gonna go out with a bunch of girls in my knitting circle We're gonna go see this new chick flick. I say knock yourself out, babe. Have a great time Really happy you're doing this anything to help. Let me know. I'll be happy to come pick you up afterwards And thank you so much for not requiring me to come and participate Same as if she said she met this Death metal band and she's gonna send her piece for the bukkake orgy I say knock yourself out, babe. Really glad you're doing this. This turns you on knock yourself out Let me know if I can pick you up. I'll bring you some toothpaste And a toothbrush I'll pick you up and I'm so glad that you don't need me to participate But by encouraging her to live the biggest life she can There's no part of her that thinks that she's constrained in her world Now here's the ticker Most girls when they meet a guy who's masculine and dominant powerful effective and they know he's the sort of guy Who'd have any woman he wanted they think I better lock him inside Because if he gets out She might run off. Mm-hmm They all start with this premise That jealousy is valuable that jealousy is good or right or reasonable Jealousy isn't even a natural emotion. It's a compound emotion The primary emotion of jealousy is fear fear of loss And it's compounded by rage rage at having to feel that fear So jealousy is your ego screaming at you that if you gave your beloved the right to choose She wouldn't choose you Now think about that for a second. If your beloved wouldn't choose you Why in the world did you want to lash her to you? Wouldn't it be the worst thing in the world to have her miserable because if you need her to be happy in order to feel good You won't feel good either So instead I look at from the exact opposite position Baby do whatever it takes for you to feel vibrant and alive and recognize that even if you found someone who was amazing In order for him to be as amazing as me He would also not have to have a problem with my continuing to exist in your life Yeah, totally so Johnny this was your first time speaking at the 21 convention It's you've spoke to a lot of different events How does this event compared to previous events? It's actually is very well organized There have been a bunch of times when people said why don't you speak of the 21 convention going all the way back to when it was the under It wasn't because of it's being in Florida or whatever It didn't seem to be a fit at the time and I I've never been a pickup person. It's not what I'm about. I often say that Pickup is about customer acquisition And I'm much more about customer relationship management and maintenance. Okay I don't have any exes. I just have girlfriends in remission And more often than not they come out of remission when they break up with the new guy that they're seeing Or whatever it's times earlier than that Um, so I just didn't know that my message would have an audience here, but I was very delighted and impressed This has been a great show. The other speakers are terrific I was very happy to be here with a bunch of colleagues of mine that I know well and I've worked with many times sandpirions here Hypnotica Eric Fonsado is here Alan Roger Curry is here. I've been on the road with these guys internationally many times It's a it's a joy to here as they up their game and bring the news Yeah, and uh, you know each one of us is here with the same objective. We want to we want to Spread the word knowing that eventually that word for the people to listen to us will become legs So before we kind of wrap this whole thing up Johnny if people want to find out more about you more about your work More about your workshops and seminars. Where's the best place they can go? Well, I try and keep a very low profile Actually the easiest thing to do is if you just look up Johnny Soporno on google I'm the only one but there are about 150,000 pages You could also go to Successfulness.com which is a trademark that we own internationally We put on some really excellent workshops ourselves every january as I say alan or certainly zan and brent and sometimes steve pickis or steve pavelina bravo and gareth jones and Sometimes sasha and other very considerable Participants in the community come out and give their very best and hang out for a week and and help Really reframe people's minds till they can become fundamentally self accepting And fundamentally happy with going forward not fighting against their ego But eventually getting to the point where their ego is their cheering section. Come on. What are you waiting for? From the inside of your head. It's really pretty great when you reach that point and It's such a joy to offer these events And everybody comes back year after year in fact all of the previous attendees are invited to come back Year after year. So it just gets to be a bigger and bigger thing That takes place every january We also do by monthly weekend long events and then of course we specialize direct coaching for couples and for individuals Throughout the rest of the year usually at our location in las vegas Brilliant. So with that you can see johnny's talk first on 21 University.com or by clicking the link underneath this video johnny Once again, thank you so much for being here. It's been a very great pleasure. I'm glad So this is mike with johnny saporno signing off for the 21 report. Thank you