 Autolight and its 96,000 dealers present suspense. Tonight, Autolight brings you The One Millionth Joe, a suspense play produced and edited by William Spear, and starring Mr. Jack Karstman. I'm Al Gersent from A to Z in Public Relations, is how I bill myself. And there was this stunt which I dreamed up for the Bureau of Better Business Promotion to pay off the 4th of July weekend. But I hadn't counted on the fireworks, which in this case was a big 45 jammed in the middle of my back. Yes, in a moment, Mr. Jack Karstman and a tale well calculated to keep you in suspense. Say, Wilcox, if the bases are loaded with two men out, who's the boy you'd like to see up there at bat? Why, the spark plug of the team, of course. The lad who's right there with that sure fire never missed power. Say, that reminds me of ignition engineered Autolight spark plugs. You see, Autolight spark plugs are a vital part of the team too. Well, how do you mean part of what team? Well, just this half. Autolight engineers engineer complete ignition systems used as original factory equipment on many makes of America's finest cars. So naturally they engineer Autolight spark plugs to work as a perfect team with the coil distributor and all the other important parts of a car's ignition system. And that's mighty important. Yeah, I see. That's what you mean when you say Autolight spark plugs are ignition engineers. Absolutely right, app. And that's why they can't be beat for quick starting, smooth performance, and gas mileage. So friends, see your friendly Autolight spark plug dealer tomorrow. Have worn out spark plugs replaced with world famous ignition engineered Autolight spark plugs. Whether you choose the resistor type or the standard type, you can't buy a better spark plug for your car because you're always right with Autolight. And now with the one millionth Joe and the performance of Jack Carson, Autolight hopes once again to keep you in suspense. Yes, I'm Al Gezant. Like I said, I started to tell you about this publicity stunt. I dreamed up for the Bureau of Better Business Promotion. Well, me and some businessmen with a few reporters, camera men and such were out of the airport. The Transworld Argus Flight 24 from Chicago. The Transworld Argus Flight 24 from Chicago. Now come on, come on, gang. This will be at gate five. Well, come on, bro. He follows boys and girls. Hey, Tiny, you got that camera hot? You got your oranges, Mr. Wilder? Yeah, I still think that three-piece band looks poultry-scent. A poultry-schmaltry, Mr. Wilder. What we care about is newspaper coverage. Now, stand back when they start coming through the gate. Well, another plane. Is this a horse racer? Is this a horse race? Boy, oh boy. I declare, I'm all over goosebumps. At the plane you're chartered, Al G, for all his relatives you're wringing in. Oh, why, Al, this deal's on the label. Who you kidding? He takes his cut coming and going. Why, Al, here they come, so stand back. You count, Wilder, and me and Mr. Allen will nab it. Now, the last number was, uh, 999,990. 10 to go. Okay. 991, 992, 993. Well, if I have to say so myself, I'm a pretty smooth operator. At this moment I had one client, the Bureau of B.B.P., and the stuff I dreamed up for them was a honey. This was the setup. Nab the one millionth Joe through the airport, be he male, female, or what have you, and give this lucky character a 24-hour whirl in the house. Pictures, prizes, tickets to this and that. And all the businesses had chipped in and it was a good fat kitty. And it worked out to be near the 4th of July, which was a great tie-in. So now, a herd of passengers was stampeding through gate five from two planes. The big Chicago plane and the little one from Houston. And all unbeknownst to them lightning was about to strike. 996. Hey, ain't this exciting for us, huh? Well, ain't it? 997. Hey, it's gonna be that good. 998. That guy in the gray hat's moving up there. 999. Hey, stand back, will ya? Hey, hey, you watch it, mister. Come on, go on if you're in such a hurry. Hey, and the guy wins. He knocked the gal out of the running. One millionth. That's him. What's wrong, sir? I wanted to grab you. What do you want? Who are you? Look over here, mister. Over here. Look this way. What is this anyway? Hang the flowers around his neck. Oh, please. Let's go. You've made a mistake. Let's go. They can't get pictures when you jump around like that. I don't want my picture taken. Let's go. Mister, unbeknownst to you, you are the one millionth passenger to walk through these gates. Let me go, or I'll... As guests of the Bureau of B.B.P., from now on until the 4th of July, your hotel is paid for. You will visit the Lion Farm and... Mister, hold still. Pick on someone else. I don't want anything. You will lunch with a motion picture star, eat at a world-famous restaurant, be the recipient of many free gifts, gratis, a mix-linked cape, two dozen sports shirts, 2,000 cans of dog food, a free airplane pass anywhere in the whole wide world. What? Something strikes your fancy. An airplane pass to, uh, say, Brazil? Sure, sure, you name it. Yes, sir? Even to the romantic land of your dreams south of the board. Now, sir, what, uh, what is your name? I'm A.D. Thompson. Away you're from, Mister Thompson. Uh, Missouri. Is this man? Missouri. Yes, rugs, retired. Uh, did you and plane to here from Chicago or from Houston, Mister Thompson? Uh, Houston. Hold up one of these oranges, Mister Thompson, and tuck the crate under your arm. Oh. And smile. Smile. That's it. Snap a tiny. On behalf of the Great Valley Citrus Company, it gives me pride and pleasure to present you. So how was I to know that the trouble was giving me the lure? He looked sure, Fire. Mr. A.D. Thompson, middle-aged, middle-sized, middle-ugly. Mr. John Q. Public himself. In the meantime, that blonde, the one Mr. Thompson rammed out of line on the other side of the gate, is she'd been standing by listening. She was a tall, rangy, good-looking blonde, and, well, all of a sudden, she moved in on me. You running this pow-wow, Buster? By rights, all those prizes belong to me. Oh, no. Honey, play fair. Mr. Thompson here sides, White Mirror. I would have come through the gate ahead of him. Technically, Miss, Mr. Thompson came through first. Look, my shin hurts, and I don't like being shoved around. When I lose, I can make trouble, Buster. I can sue you cross-eyed, and you know it. Uh, that, that you can. That, that she can, Mr. Wilder. I saying that the bureau gets sued, you'll be... Well, now, Miss, now, the bureau wants to be perfectly fair and square with you, only I don't see how. How, in most contests where there's a tie, they have to give duplicate prizes, Mr. Wilder. Yeah, thanks a lot. Hey, yes, if that's right, we'll give duplicate prizes. Well, that's more like it. Okay, okay, music, boys. Ladies and gentlemen of the press, we have a Miss one and a million also. Tell the boys your name, honey. Where you from, and what you think of Sonny, California? Well, I'm Vera Valerie. I've lived all over. Just flew in from Chicago. Been singing in a place out there. A canary, boy. And I think California's just wonderful. Give us a big smile, Miss Valerie. Thank you. This way, Miss Valerie. Where's the guy with the grapefruit? So the doll was declared in, which was okay by me. In fact, every time she said hello, it was plain old nuclear fission with me. But that's not strictly a part of this story. Well, anyhow, from the airport, I carted Thompson and Vera Valerie to the hotel diplomat where I live myself, on a do-bill. There was considerable yammer about that extra free room gratis for Vera, but finally, the manager coughed up another single. There were some hours to kill before we could go out to the lion farm, so I took a cold shower, made a few calls, and then went in my way to the whispering pommel. Well, high time, Buster. I'm three up on you. Yeah, well, I got problems now. Henry, Henry, bring me a parson's pitfall. Hey, how they treating you, honey? What's the number of your room? Um, four something. 412, 420. Well, I know it's the fourth floor. Well, that I'll check. Yeah, I got headaches with this, stuntman. You're worth it, doll. Oh, bet. When I barged into the act, you wanted to wring my neck. No, no, no. I was only figuring how I could swing the whole show for you without Thompson. Oh, sweet. Well, since Wilder's promised double prizes... Yeah, but I got to deliver on Big Mouth's promises, and the fur joint says one make cape, period. Also, France World told me they aren't serving double passes to Brazil this season. But Thompson doesn't look like the main coat type to me. We can give them the... Oh, but, doll, it was a trip that you wanted. Oh, forget it. Only, why is Thompson so anxious to get the pass? Oh, no. Look, Buster, I bought the newspapers. Did you read this? Texas police hunt ruthless killer. Yeah, I noticed the headline line. Read the story. Sheriff's office, Pikesville, Texas reported discovery of two murdered men, highway 26, 12 miles northeast of town. Dead men members of gang who held up arcana oil companies offices in Pikesville. Why, I don't get the drift. Pikesville's near Houston, isn't it? Sort of. Yeah. Yeah. Police believe they were double-crossed by a third member of gang who shot them making off with entire loot from robbery. Notice how Thompson hung onto that briefcase? Nearly $100,000 in large denomination bills. Wow. The serial numbers are... No description of killer available. Interesting. You've got something. He wouldn't want to spend any of those bills here, but in Brazil. Do we tip off the cops? 100 grand. Huh? No, not yet there. Let me handle this, doll. I'll stall them on that pass to Brazil till we know for sure. You wouldn't make a deal with them, would you, bastard? Well, me? Well, that wouldn't be ethical. Well, we got to have proof, honey. Now, admit it. We got to have proof. Which was the truth, but not quite the whole truth. That, that I now admit. You see, the thought of that 100 Gs, it set me into a spin, and I wanted time to figure out how I could cut in on those sweet, crisp denarrals if I could prove that Thompson was my man. Well, that afternoon Thompson kind of played right into my hands. We were out to the lion farm. The boys were snapping pictures of Vera cuddling the king of beasts when Thompson, clutching that briefcase, pulled me off the one side. No more pictures of me, Zant, and keep the ones they took at the airport out of the papers. Keep them? Say, that wouldn't be ethical. What do you mean? Well, no paper's going to print two pictures on this stunt, and... No offense, Thompson, but whose puss would you choose if he was a desk man? Yours or Vera's? Which held him for the nuts, and I had one more angle of Mr. T that he was afraid somebody, some of where would know him from his pictures. Well, that evening, we were in from Mike Romanoff's and Sarah's and Slapsey Maxie's. For such a world, I always dress up like a dog's dinner, so I went up to my room to change. Come in, Zant. Close the door. Well, Thompson, what are you doing here? Waiting for me? Hey, you're not going to Romanoff's dress life? I'm not going out this evening. Yeah? Okay. There's no skin off me if you buy your own dinner. How soon do I get that ticket? Ticket, champ? To Brazil. How soon can I leave? Well, I guess there are flights every day to Mexico and from there to Brazil. Get my ticket for tomorrow night. Well, now, that's one of the prizes that you and Vera got the toss for you. Get that ticket tomorrow. Give her the mink, cake, give her anything, everything, but I want that airplane pass. Oh, it's clear you want it, but Vera... I want it and I'm going to have it. Ah, what, uh, would you have a little deal in mind? Deal? Or words to that effect? Maybe. Or maybe not. Get the ticket and we'll talk. But deal or not, Zant. There's nothing I won't do to get that pass. Do you understand? Nothing. I understand. Nothing. Auto light is bringing you Jack Carson in the one millionth Joe. Tonight's production in radio's Outstanding Theatre of Thrills Suspends. Hey, Harlow, did you ever notice that if one ball player goes into a slump, the whole team seems to bog down? Well, that's natural, half. Each man is a vital part of the team, just as spark plugs are a vital part of the team that makes up the ignition system of your car. And auto light spark plugs are ignition engineered by the same auto light engineers who design complete ignition systems used as original factory equipment on many makes of America's finest cars. They have team spirit. Hey, Wilcox. Right, half. Auto light spark plugs are built to function as a perfect team with the coil distributor and all the other parts of the ignition system. Why, ignition engineered auto light spark plugs are world famous for their quality and dependability. Unexcel for quick starting, smooth performance and gas mileage. Right, Joe, our half. So stop in at your friendly auto light dealers tomorrow. Have worn out spark plugs replaced with ignition engineered auto light spark plugs. Whether you choose the resistor type or the standard type, you're always right with auto light. And now auto light brings back to our Hollywood soundstage, our star, Jack Carson. In the one millionth Joe, a tale well calculated to keep you in suspense. So I showed fear of the town that night along with some reporters and without the treculant Mr. T. As I told Thompson, there was no skin off me if he bought his own dinner. Anyway, I was, I was real glad that Vera and I could finish that evening alone. It was a last night spot schedule and therefore on the cup, the place was jumping and the news boys was having a high old time. Carson, Carson, another on at drinks. That's a way to talk to you boys. How about champagne? Yeah. You know what the bureau looks cheap out there, boy. What about my dance with Miss Valerie? Well, I'm willing and waiting. And now wait, wait up, boys. While you're still sober and able to listen. I got an announcement to make. You ought to all be at the airport tomorrow night for trans world's part in this stunt. The free pass. Where to? Who's going? The free pass it is. But I want you boys to have a little suspense. Just be at the airport from 10 p.m. on. One or another of our two winners will be taking off for parts unknown. But who or where to, you got to be there to see. Hey, Buster, you didn't tell me. Yeah. Well, come on, Vera. Let's, let's you and me bunny hug. I'll drink up you, Margie. Don't be bashful about asking for more of the same. Buster, you haven't talked. Come on, Vera. Oh, Buster, tell me. Now, come on. Just snuggle up and dance. Ah, smooth. I, um, I saw you and Thompson huddling at the land farm. Yeah. Well, he was telling me that he's camera shy. Oh, he is, isn't he? But later in my room, Thompson showed his teeth. Said I should hand it with a pass to Brazil or else. Oh, look, we got a tip off the cops. Oh, sure, honey, since we got proof. Proof? Yeah. This phony blows in from Houston clutching a briefcase to his breast. Nearly blows his top when you pick him out of the crowd until you mention an airplane pass. Not enough. Not enough. Look, if I call in the cops and Thompson turns out to be only a gink with a screw loose, I'm in trouble. Capital T trouble. You got to see my side. Then what are you doing to get more proof? Ah, that's where you come in, Buster. I think you could get Thompson to flash some of that dough if he has it. Come again? Well, I figure out some way to make him show his money. See if it comes out of the briefcase and if it's in big denomination bills. Oh, yeah. Maybe. Well, tackle the first thing in the morning. First thing in the morning, I'll get the ticker. Then the first chance we get, we compare notes. And if what I find out adds up, then you be packed and ready to leave tomorrow night. To Brazil? Maybe I want to go later. And maybe I want to go to Honolulu. Maybe. After the spouting I just did to the reporters, somebody's got to be in that plane or bluey my stunt. Which, so far as this story goes, wound it up for that night. Was she ever the deluxe type? I fully admit, she rocked me. Well, come morning I was up with the birds at theirabouts. I checked and found out that Vera had lassoed Mr. Thompson for breakfast. So far, so good. So I hustled myself down to Transworld and got the ticket. Long, green strip of confetti. Real and return. Then the big day commenced and Thompson came along. No doubt to keep an eye on me. So me and Vera weren't able to huddle until some hours later on a sound stage out of colossus pictures. When they've got this shot lined up, I'll introduce you folks to Vincent. He's the director. I'm producing this. Mr. Thompson, did you say you were in rug? Yes, retired. The rug we use in this set might interest you. That's a good idea, Arthur. Give the rug a once over, Mr. T. This way, Mr. Thompson, you see in a picture of the producer. Buster, I got him to show me his money. Yeah? Out of the briefcase? Yeah. He took the briefcase along to breakfast. How'd you work it? Well, I ordered everything I could see on the menu. Yeah, yeah. And when the waiter brought our check, it was almost 16 bucks. I fish around and my person said, how perfectly awful. I've only got $1.75 to my name. You will have to pay the check, Mr. T. And let me pay you back. Well, the waiter was standing off, giving us a cold eye. So Thompson unzips his briefcase a couple of inches and fishes out a $500 bill. Five Cs? I could have died. Stare till I was bug-eyed trying to read the serial number. And, Buster, you're going to be proud of me. The number was C1240653. What? You remember the whole number? Yeah. I got a mind for numbers. Never forgot a phone number or an address. What are you looking at? Oh, this is the list of serial numbers. Say that number again, doll. C1240653. That's it. One of the bills from the Pikesville holdup. You know, but if the hotel got it, they may check. Now, they don't have it. All of a sudden, Thompson grabbed the bill back and said, we don't have to pay for breakfast. That's part of the prize. So Mr. T thinks he can play around with me, eh? $100,000. So now, will you call the cops? Why is that? They're not so fast, honey. You said you'd let me handle this. Well, I gotta figure out something. Shut up before I have you thrown out. Which is how they sometimes treat us flax in Hollywood and us the backbone of the industry. Well, that's pictures. But I let it ride this time since it got me out of a tight squeeze with Vera. You see, this is how I had it figured. I'd put it up to Thompson what I needed. Then if he didn't cut me in for a healthy slice of 100 Gs, there was always the cops, from whom there was undoubtedly a big reward. That way, I could play for the big money and still hedge my bet. But I put it this way to Vera. I said, look, look, dream girl, you'll be ready to leave. That's all. What time does the plane take off, did you say? Well, uh, 11.40. We're gonna leave here by 11. And what happens to Thompson, Buster? Well, I'll get everything set for a quiet pinch just after we leave. It'll, it'll allow us at the stunt, darling, if it gets out that the bureau picked a hood for this world. I, I gotta protect my clients. You understand? Oh, sure, Buster. I understand. So Vera was set up to take Mr. Thompson's place if it was no deal with him. If it was a deal, then Thompson would fly off to Brazil, leaving me unexpectedly wealthy. I was sure Vera was a sensible type of doll, not adverse to knowing a joe who was in the chips. Well, along about 9.30, I went knocking at Thompson's door. Come in. Well, sir, another day of California sunshine. Oh, you got it. You, uh, you said we'd have another talk. Oh, talk's cheap. All right, I'll level with you. I know your name isn't Thompson. I know why you didn't like being picked for this stunt. I know what's in that briefcase, and I know why you want to fly the coupe. Huh? You, uh, spoke yesterday about a deal. Yeah. How much? Fifty. Fifty dollars? Don't play footsie with me, Thompson. Fifty grand. Fifty thousand dollars. Fifty thousand dollars. Hot money like that, I'll have to trade off at a discount, but you'll be in Brazil getting your money's worth. Dollar for dollar. Just take your briefcase, Mr. T, and unzip. Just what do you think I have in this briefcase? I don't think. I know. Look, I'll tell you who I am and why, all about it. Time's a waste, Mr. Thompson. In 10 minutes, I call the cops. My name's Kirkwood. I came on the Chicago plane, not the one from Houston. Ah, Vera was on the Chicago plane. She never saw you. I came to Los Angeles to kill myself, Mr. Zant. To kill myself in such a way that I could never be identified. I'm going blind. I'll be totally blind six months from now. Oh, come now, really. What are you giving me, Thompson? Five years. For five years, I went to eye specialists. New York, Philadelphia, Canada, spend every cent I had trying to find a cure. Look, I got no time to brandish words with you. Then I heard of this one doctor, a Viennese refugee, lives in Rio. He's cured cases like mine, but my money was gone. Look, I'm going to fall. Oh, why don't you believe me? I have a daughter, Mr. Zant. All I can leave her is my insurance. I thought if I disappeared, if it could never be proved, I killed myself. That's why I didn't want to be recognized. That's why I grabbed for this wonderful chance this free trip to Brazil. And the briefcase, Mr. T, what's in the briefcase? Dynamite. Dynamite? I bet it's dynamite. You're some joker, Thompson. Were you going to kill yourself with dynamite? So I couldn't be identified, yes. Oh, oh, oh. Let me see the dynamite, Mr. T, the crisp green dynamite. Don't touch that briefcase, Zant. Buster. Hey, Buster, I've been turning the place inside out to find you. Vera, leave us be. But I just remembered, it's daylight saving time here on the coast. That plane leaves an hour earlier. Buster, watch out! When I came to, there was Roman candles going off in my head, and Vera was tied to a chair with a towel stuffed in her mouth. The airplane ticket was going out of my wallet, of course, but I saw by my watch there was still time. Ten minutes later, we was in my car, Vera and me, halfway to the airport. I took a shortcut up through the hills and kept the gas pedal flat on the floor. It was a while before Vera said anything. Buster, this will really blow up your stunt if you have Thompson pinched at the airport. No two-bit hood's gonna push me around. Well, let's see if we can figure some way to get me on the plane quiet, and then after I've left, I'll... you nail Thompson. Forget it. Forget the stunt, doll. Now I'm on for blood. What time does that plane leave? I forgot. Eleven, forty daylight saving, ten, forty standard. Ah, that Thompson. Claimed he came in on the other plane, not the one from Houston. No kidding. I said right off! You would've known if he was on the same plane as you. That's right, Buster. And then when I ask about the briefcase, he says it's dynamite. After you saw that $500 bill with a serial number. That's right, Buster. Ha! Thompson didn't know the combination he was up against. Me and a sharp doll like you. That's right, Buster. You spotting that headline right off. And remembering that serial number, 100%, that's... it's funny, though. What's funny? Well, but that you couldn't remember your room number or the time the plane leaves. If you got the memory you say you have. That's right, Buster. Hey, it's you. It isn't, Thompson. You're the Texas hoodlum. This gun's loaded, Buster. Turn off at the next side road. You came on the Houston plane. You played me for a sucker. I played you for what you are. Step on it. Every last lead I got on, Thompson. I got from you. If I ever trust another doll... You won't live to worry about it, Buster. Turn, turn right here. Well, I'm trying to ticklish, so with various gun nudging my ribs, I turn. It's an old car, pre-war. It sounded like it was splitting at the seams. She jabbed my ribs again, and I pushed the gas down and it gave her everything she'd taken. End of the road, doll. It's a cop. I don't see any cops. But you see, I got the gun, doll. You see that, don't you? Well, Josephine here, she has a lovely habit. You give her too much gas, she resents it. She backfires. Bang, bang, bang. Which is tough on a doll's nerves if she's as jumpy as you are. Buster, look. You couldn't make a deal, could you? Say, 50 grand? Say, that wouldn't be ethical. Which was the truth, but not quite the whole truth. It was worth kissing 50 grand goodbye to turn Vera in after she calmed me the way I did, because one thing I can't stand being taken over the hurdles by a doll. So that wound up to stunts. Thompson? Oh, he took off, okay. And the doctor in Rio handled his case. His eyes are 100% now without cheaters. Me? Well, this Fourth of July, I have nothing on the docket. But have I dreamed up one whale of a stunt for Thanksgiving? Let's see what you think. The moviegoer who arrives at Grumman's Chinese exactly at midnight gets a free Mandarin's uniform, all the chops so he can eat. Suspense, presented by Auto Light. Tonight's star, Mr. Jack Carson. Say, Wilcox, have you made the Auto Light team? Well, you might say I'm a pitcher, Hap. I make the pitch for more than 400 products made by Auto Light for cars, trucks, planes, and boats in 28 plants, coast to coast. These include complete electrical systems used as original equipment on many makes of America's finest cars. Generators, coils, distributors, voltage regulators, wire and cables, starting motors, electric windshield wipers. All engineered to fit together perfectly, work together perfectly because they're a perfect team. So friends, if your Auto Light equipped car needs replacement parts, ask for and insist on Auto Light, original factory parts at your neighborhood service station, car dealer garage or repair shop. Remember, you're always right with Auto Light. Next Thursday for Suspense, our stars will be Kathy and Elliot Lewis. The play is called Love, Honor, and Murder. And it is, as we say, a tale well calculated to keep you in suspense. Tonight's Suspense play was produced and edited by William Spear and directed by Norman MacDonald. Music for Suspense is composed by Rene Garagank and Lucian Morrowek and conducted by Lud Bluskin. The One Millionth Joe is an original play written for radio by Sylvia Richards. Jack Carson may currently be seen in the Columbia picture The Good Humor Man. Don't forget, next Thursday, same time, Auto Light will present Suspense, starring Kathy and Elliot Lewis. You can buy world-famous Auto Light resistor or standard spark plugs, Auto Light stay-full batteries, Auto Light electrical parts at your neighborhood Auto Light dealers. Switch to Auto Light. Good night. The American economic system has brought greater material benefits to more people than any other system the world has ever known. Because we have been able to produce more per man and per machine, we have been able to live better and enjoy our individual freedom. Learn more about your part in the American way of life. Write to Suspense, box 10, Times Square Station, New York City for the free booklet The Miracle of America. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.