 We're looking at, you know, in the engagement period, what happens or what we should do, what we should not do. So saying, you know, like the word of God, plainly, very plainly, declares that he wants us to, the Lord wants us to live a pure life and abstain from all forms of, you know, sexual promiscuity or, you know, immorality, right? So that's God's desire. So also, so we have those very clear-cut understanding and boundaries, right, even though it might feel that, oh, anyway, we are going to get married, you know, and it's happening soon. So, you know, why not so resist that, you know, know that it is in God's eyes, it is sent. You know, sometimes we think, okay, maybe because we're engaged and we have parents approval and everything is fine, you're all believers. So maybe it's okay. No, it's not okay, right, because the culture, popular culture around might dictate something else altogether, but know that you are a child of God, understand that you're a child of God and ultimately pleasing God is what matters and the reason why God has these, you know, things in place, these are, you know, every commandment of God, you know, we look at it this way. It's not to restrict us. It is actually in all these boundaries are for our safety. It's a safety net, right? So it's never to hold us back from, you know, going or experiencing or, you know, walking into new things. No, it's never that God, when he says to not do certain things, it is a safety net. It is for our good. So we know that, you know, certain things happen because of physical intimacy and well, you consider the possibility that, okay, what if the engagement breaks off after, you know, a period of physical intimacy? Just think about that. You know, it's heartbreaking, you know, first of all, you are, you know, overcoming this whole aspect of this whole thing of the breaking of the engagement emotionally and on the other side, you're also, you know, overcoming the physical intimacy bit, you know, there's so much of shame and, you know, condemnation, maybe guilt and, you know, all that. So when God says no, it's for a reason, it's so that he cares about us, right? Okay. Secondly, we see that, you know, there are higher standards for those of us who are in ministry, those of us who are saying that, okay, I'm serving in church, I'm preparing for ministry, I'm already ministering, this is a higher standard, meaning that we are called to be examples, God has placed us in positions of influence and impact as for a reason, there are many lives who are watching us, you know, people are watching, people are learning and we are being examples. Sometimes rather than those formal settings, you know, like maybe you're sharing a word, or, you know, maybe a pulpit ministry, maybe you're ministering, whatever, many times we think that those are the times that people are watching, right, but no, and understand that you're being watched all the time, you know, especially those informal moments when you step off the podium, when you step off the formal, quote unquote, formal ministry time, that is when people are actually observing, you know, they're seeing, okay, what are your choices? They're saying, okay, how does this poor person respond to certain things? What ticks off this person, you know, why is this person, you know, what makes this person lose the temper or what makes the person lose, you know, be who they are, so they are observing all that. So in those moments is when we need to be examples, right, and especially when it comes to making these kind of choices, decisions, you know, you are being an example, right, so people are watching. So let's hold ourselves to a higher standard when we are serving, when we are in ministry, right, and of course the other thing is know that till you are married, you are not married, okay, okay, so here are some signs, some red flags, okay, when we say red flags, we're saying warning signs, that, okay, I don't have the point for that, some warning signs, okay, where they could, you know, it could, when you see those signs, when you observe these signs, you need to make a hard choice, you need to make a difficult decision, and what is that decision, okay, maybe this engagement cannot go further, okay, now, that's a difficult decision, why, because there may be, you know, engagement involved with the families, maybe it was highly, what's the word, you know, it was a highly visible one, right, friends know, families know, you put those pictures on Instagram and Facebook, and you said, you know, you changed your relationship status to engaged, you put that ring there, you know, say all that, right, so then it makes it even more difficult, right, but you look at these, you know, these scenarios, okay, and you consider, okay, is it worth going through, okay, we're not yet married, we've made the, you know, we've made that, we've given word that one day we will be married, and we're preparing ourselves for it, so in that preparation time, this is what you realize, okay, you realize that the other person becomes very controlling, okay, okay, controlling by controlling, we mean, we mean that, okay, that person is very suspicious, who are you talking to, then I want to, I want to see whom you are texting, whom you are calling, who are you talking to, why are you talking to that person, why are you talking to this person, you know, where were you at this time, right, so the thing is, it's, you're not married yet, okay, so no one has a right over your time, over your resources, over your body, over your emotions, nobody has, right, you are, even as you're preparing for marriage, preparing to make the covenant, the one who is engaged to you does not have a right yet, okay, so when the person becomes very controlling or maybe manipulative, manipulative, we mean that, well, the person is not speaking the truth outright, but then, you know, other kinds of things influencing you, trying to maybe even blackmail, trying to do maybe even out of sympathy to make you do certain things, it becomes, becomes manipulative or the person is abusive, right, getting angry, shouting, and maybe physically being abusive, hitting, right, physical violence, and the thing is that you're so afraid, you're thinking, right, okay, how do I, you know, I'm already engaged, how can I break it off, I'm already engaged, people know about it, the pastor knows about it, my friends know about, my church knows about it, you know, how do I break it off, well, if this is a warning sign, it is a very clear sign that it needs to be addressed, and if things don't change, the engagement needs to be broken off now, like when we have had occasions where, you know, where the, the person was very, very controlling, the family was very controlling, you know, all that happened, and then finally the engagement broke off, right, was it difficult? Yes, it was difficult, emotionally, yes, but it's good that at that stage the engagement is broken rather than, you know, getting into marriage, getting to the, you know, having the wedding, getting into marriage, and, you know, and going through all this trauma in the marriage, right, okay, so whatever, what else? Well, the person, one person becomes emotionally dependent in a very unhealthy manner, completely dependent emotionally, okay, now that's again a warning sign, okay, so saying that, you know, for your happiness, for your mood to be good that day, if it has to be this person, then there's something wrong, right, say, okay, I need to have this chat with this person, I need to talk to the person, I need to see this person, and only then, you know, I'm going to be happy, that's, that's a very unhealthy dependence, okay, well yes, God brings another person to be, to enjoy the companionship, to be there as encouragement and support when things are, when things go bad, when things go wrong, in that sense, yes, they are a support that we lean on, but to say, you know, every day, every moment, I need to, you know, I need to have this person speaking, being there and, you know, to be dependent in that manner is unhealthy, right, so if that is happening during the engagement period, then, well, that's a sign, that's a warning sign, it cannot be, because, you know, you and I, I mean, like, you are not capable, we are not built to have that, built to give that kind of emotional support, right, only God is able to do that, but if the person is unwilling, you know, to put their dependence on God, to draw from God, right, because only he has the strength, only he has the ability to be the hope, to be the joy, to be the peace, and no human substitute can do that, so if, if the person is looking to you for that, or if you are looking to that person for that, then there's something very, very wrong, right, so then that means that, that has to change, if it does not change, then it's better that the engagement is, you know, dominated, right, okay, and another thing is not being able to hold on to a job, not being able to keep their word, okay, not being able to carry responsibility, that's again something that is a warning, okay, so the person is not say something, does something completely opposite, say something, I will do it, and does not do it, and it's not like just the one time, every time, right, or there's some reason, there's some excuse why the person did not do it, right, from simple things to complex things, you know, the person is saying continuously, it's a pattern, I cannot, I cannot, you know, I did not, because of this, right, then it's a, you see, there's a major flaw, okay, and maybe some big differences, what was not visible earlier, if you were considering the person, that becomes very, very visible now, right, that, what maybe that person was putting on a mask, you know, I'm saying that person, but it could be you also, you know, for that other person, right, you putting on a mask, you being a different portraying, you know, that's what happens, right, we want to portray our best side, so we put on all our best side on display, best qualities on display, okay, and and all those other things are, you know, hidden, but then the more we relax, it just comes out, right, so maybe those big differences, maybe that person said, you know, or, you know, what you want to hear, are you a believer, yeah, I'm a very strong believer, well, they didn't get into any details, and you also said, oh, you know, I don't want to get into that, but then you realize that, well, that is not so, right, so if there are differences, then that is also one sign, okay, character issues, maybe there's some very, very deep seated addictions, you know, disapproval of parents and spiritual mentors, you know, that's again, right, like I said, we can talk to them, find out why they disapprove, why they see those things that we are unable to see, right, and it's good to check, okay, then the question, okay, the big, okay, there's some Rosalind, what if all these points that we're discussing happens after marriage, then it is altogether a difficult charge of phase, what to do in such case, yeah, so Rosalind, yeah, so it is possible, you know, it is possible, like for maybe, you know, all these things happening is a very, very small possibility, but it could, you know, it could, all these things happening, but maybe there are certain things happening, and then, you know, the person, for whatever reason, backslides, you know, gets into some things, gets into addictions, maybe extramarital affair, whatever, right, so all that, so that's why, you know, it's important to take help, even in the sense, you, as we go through marital preparation, it's, even during the preparation process, right, you're taking time to do this, even during that time, it's important to know that and understand that, hey, anytime we face difficulties, we face challenges in our marriage, we can get help, and these are places, these are people, where we can get help, okay, to be open to that, right, right at the beginning, right, say that, yeah, we want our marriage to thrive, and we would do anything, like to, for our marriage to thrive, and we'll make use of all the resources that God has given to us to make our relationship thrive, so make our marriage right, right, so that's the thing, so to know where can I go, because in many societies, what have, or in many cultures, what happens is, it is looked at as a stigma, all right, as a shameful thing, okay, or it's sad, but sometimes it is just brushed away, it's like, okay, oh, men will be like that, you just have to adjust and go, or, you know, you make a joke about it, oh, you got married, oh, your wife is like this, that's it, gone, finished, you know, and then you just say, okay, that's how it is, just suffer and suffer in silence and keep going, well, the thing is to get help, right, to know that, well, God wants this, and we need to do something about it, right, so that's the thing, again, Rosalind, like, you know, the practical thing is that in a real life case scenario, it's not easy, like, for example, one person might be all out to say, you know, I want to save the marriage, I want to face this difficulty, but the other person might be totally unwilling to do that, right, so that's a very, very real possibility, so one needs to come to that place of saying, okay, mutually, maybe one person can really go for counseling, take help, how do I deal with this, and maybe after some time, the other person will be willing and be open to take help, to receive help, right, and then look at it, I hope that helps, yeah, okay, yeah, okay, so the thing is to really work at the relationship, right, pray, work at, do those things, you know, whatever we are learning here, you know, we're gonna look at a few things, you know, next chapter talks about roles in marriage, talks about love language, you know, understanding espouses love language and so on, so really use that or, you know, cost the marriage to thrive, invest in marriage, because we're knowing that it does not happen automatically, or it's not automatic, you know, we need to invest, so doing that, you know, not wait for things to change, not wait for something bad to happen, right, wait until that happens, but start investing right from day one, and yeah, so that's the thing, that's something that needs to be proactive, be preempt and protect the marriage, right, okay, okay, then another question is this, you know, what if God wants me to be single, is that the possibility, yeah, but if God wants a person to be single or, you know, remain unmarried, it could be before various reasons, like, you know, Matthew 19 talks about how for the purpose of the kingdom, right, for the sake of serving, for the purpose of, for kingdom purposes rather, you know, you remain single, and 1 Corinthians 7, 7 to 9, where Paul talks about singleness, you know, right, he says, let me just read that verse, Corinthians 7, okay, 7 to 9, okay, for I wish that all men were as I myself, but each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that, but I say to the unmarried and to the widows, it is good for them if they remain even as I am, but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion, okay, so in chapter 7, 1 Corinthians 7, Paul actually writes about marriage, he writes about some, he lays down some principles, husband and wife, and you know, we're going to be looking at that when we look at, you know, the physical intimacy aspect chapter, so in writing this, then he talks about singleness and he says, okay, so Paul at the time of writing, he was single and he said, you know, I wish that even you were like, even as I am, and it is for the sake of he's saying, it's a gift from God, you know, which means that you are empowered to live that life, that kind of a single life, God gives you that favor to live that single life and not seek out a companion, right, so the choice again, 32 verse 32, if you go there, Paul says, but I want you to be without care, same chapter, he who is unmarried, cares for the things of the world, things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord, but he who's married cares about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, there is a difference between the wife and the virgin and go on, so the thing is this, you know, he says in verse 32, I want you to be without care, okay, so there are responsibilities, right, that come with marriage, that is something that we need to understand, that there are responsibilities and those responsibilities with the privilege comes the responsibility, so therefore one has to carry those responsibilities out, so that responsibility will mean that you need to give time, put an effort, all that, right, so focus shifts, it's not that, you know, all married people are going to be serving God in a very inferior manner, no, not that, but the fact is that one needs to understand and know that it comes, marriage comes with responsibilities, which means there needs to be time devoted, invest, investing in the relationship and so on, right, so the thing is that if you make a choice and you're saying I want to focus on, you know, especially pursuing things of God, I want to serve God and you sense that God has gifted you and called you towards that, by all means, that's what Paul is saying, yeah, okay, so certainly we need to do that, so there's nothing wrong in doing that, but understand and make sure, okay, that is what God is calling you to do, so some questions to consider, you know, do you feel that you are empowered and that you have the strength to remain single, okay, so it's because it's not like a few months, a few years, right, you're talking about lifetime and do you feel that God is calling you for that, you know, so to think about it, there are people who are single and I can just think of one person, Mike Pilawachi, you know, who's, I think he's in the UK and he's the pastor, the one of the, one of the persons who mentored Matt Redman and Tim Hughes and all these worship leaders, so he's single, right, he has this, they have this gathering called Soul Survivor and we're very, very funny guy and doing a great ministry among the youth, among the youth and young people, right, so he's single, so and, you know, the thing is, he knows that he's gifted for that, right, so to make sure that you are empowered, to make sure you're gifted, you are strengthened to remain single, okay, another question, do you feel that there is a specific kingdom calling for which if you do get married, if you did get married, then you will not be able to pursue that freely, maybe it's in a dangerous place, maybe it's, you know, something like that, you know, I don't know, maybe it's geographical location or it's a tough place or something like that, maybe God is, you know, calling you for that specific thing and he's empowering you for that and you feel that, okay, if I'm married then it's not really going to help, okay, is there something like that, okay, or do you feel that you would want to devote all your available time and energy and in pursuing a life of service to God and any desire, you know, like family should be laid aside, right, so if it's any of these things, any of these questions and you feel very strongly, yes, saying yes to this, then, you know, you could prayfully consider being single as well, there's nothing wrong, okay, so there's nothing, you don't have to look down on yourself, etc, right, okay, okay, any questions here, okay, I think we covered quite a bit, engagement period, singleness, okay, so if you have the notes, there are some application, you know, questions which you can read and answer if you're preparing and even if you're married persons, it'll be very useful, very helpful, okay, okay, you look at the action item there, it says, you know, if you could write down, prepare a profile of yourself and you could actually, you know, if you're considering marriage, you could, you know, have that ready, right, maybe you've not even prepared the profile which you can post on matrimonial sites or share with people, right, okay, this is the kind of person I am, this is what I'm looking for, it helps if you have it ready, that to be step one, if you are actively, you know, in that place where you're considering marriage and looking out for a life partner, right, this would be step one to do, okay, let's move on to the next chapter which is understanding the roles, okay, so like we said, the, yeah, I think there's a question here, sometimes it happens that there are some things which you personally don't feel comfortable sharing with family and everyone, sometimes you feel comfortable with the person of opposite gender and she's keeping on asking like how are you, how do you feel, are you okay and you feel like emotionally attached to that person from different religion, what you should be doing in such conditions, yeah, so yeah, so this is a real possibility, one thing is that you make a decision within yourself that, you know, you will not consider a person who's not a believer for a spouse, for a, as a potential spouse, so they do not come under that category. Now, yeah, it is true that there could be, you know, others, maybe that's a girl from a different religion, different worldview and then, you know, it's being polite, being kind, being caring, well, but if you feel that, well, that you are getting closer emotionally, that you feel like, okay, opening up and sharing stuff, then if you sense that you're in that place, then it's better to back off, you know, it's better to back off and say, okay, you can talk about the weather, you can talk about, you know, cricket and politics and so on, but if you're going to open up and talk about your innermost desires, yes, it's true, maybe you may not be able to, you know, share things with your parents for whatever, but you could always find a peer, you know, of the same gender, maybe, you know, another brother, believer who could, whom you could share with, right, maybe a spiritual leader whom you could share with, who would understand, you know, maybe, I assume you're talking about, you know, one is talking about difficulties and challenges and so on, and so it's always good to do that and really back off, you know, well, I would say even if it's a believing, you know, person, even if it's a believer and this person is being kind, being, you know, extremely polite, being caring, then you need to, you need to really consider, right, can I open up, can I share, can I, you know, be close to this person emotionally, because if you're going to be close emotionally and you're not even considering that person as a, you know, prospective spouse or you're not in that season, you know, maybe you're a student, you have many more years to go before you come to that place of considering marriage, then I would say, you know, not even do that, not even go there, right, so that's what I would say, I hope that helps, I'm sitting here. Thank you, Boston. Yeah, okay. And then also, you know, it's not the easiest thing to do, right, maybe, you know, they're at the age when everybody's like having a girlfriend, boyfriend, and then they're all, you know, pouring their heart out, and then, you know, the whole, whole night they're chatting on the phone, chatting, sharing, hey, this is what I'm feeling, you know, it's not the easiest thing to do, right, and you want someone like that with you, who you can share, etc. But consider this, you know, this is, this is something, it is leading to something, right, it's leading somewhere, and you're leading yourself and you're leading that person also, you know, somewhere, when you get emotionally attached. So, so that should be a thing that you seriously think about, okay, do I want to leave this person, do I myself, want to leave myself, you know, to this place, you know, we're going somewhere, but I'm not considered God, I'm not considered the same, I'm not, you know, in a place of considering, you know, courtship, or marriage, do I want that? Think about it, right? Okay. Okay, so let's look at roles. Let's look at roles. Thanks, I said, you know, roles and responsibilities. So we see that how uniquely God has God has fashioned us, okay, and within marriage, as husbands, as wives, God has uniquely fashioned us to perform certain roles or carry out certain roles. And it's, and it's wonderful to see that. So we need to, for us, we need to understand what these roles are, even as we're preparing, right? And even as we understand what marriage is, we understand, okay, what is the role of the husband? Okay, what is the role of the wife? Otherwise, it'll be all hearsay, okay, the day before the wedding, you know, that grandmother calls and says, mama, you know, you need to do this, this, this, this, you'll be this, or, you know, you're, then you're totally like, okay, then someone else says, you know, this is what you need to do, you need to know, you need to cook, you need all that, and you feel so overwhelmed, you know, what is my role really, everybody's trying to give their input and trying to fit me into some kind of a mold, okay, which they themselves are, you know, maybe doing. So what is the role? Okay, so let's look at that. Okay, firstly, you know, let's look at this verse, 1 Peter 3, verse 7, okay. So in understanding the roles, we need to understand, we need to, first of all, know that in God's eyes, whatever role it might be, that we are, we are, we could be, you know, God has asked us to be, whatever role it is, that we are equal in God's eyes. Now, that's a very important thing. It's a very important one, and it's a very liberating one, because when we know that we are equal in God's eyes, first of all, I know myself, I know that I am equal with my spouse, and when my spouse knows that I am equal, you know, we are equal, spouse also knows, spouse all understands, then it really empowers us for the role, really empowers us, frees us, liberates us for the role. You're not saying, okay, hey, this role is, you know, it's too, you know, it's too less for the kind of person I am, I should not be doing these things, or, you know, you might say, okay, how can I carry out this role? No, you understand that you are co-equal with your spouse. Okay, so that's what First Peter talks about, First Peter 3, and verse 7 says, husbands dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel, and as being as together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. Okay, that's, that's a new King James version, the message version says, the same goes for your husbands, be good husbands to your wives, honor them, delight in them, as women they lack some of your advantages, it's talking about physical strength, etc. You know, it says, weaker vessel, right, but in the new life of God's grace, your equals, treat your wives then as equals, see the important part of it, so your prayers don't run aground, or your prayers may not be hindered. So in many marriages, many homes, you know, homes, prayers are hindered, we don't even realize it, because there's no honor, we're not dwelling with understanding, and we're not considering them as co-heirs with us in Christ, right. Okay, let's look at one more, Uncoenthians 11 and versus 11 and 12, okay, Uncoenthians 11. Nevertheless, neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man in the Lord, for as women came from man, even so man also comes through woman, but all things are from God. Okay, so let me read this good news version, in our life in the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman, for as woman was made from man, in the same way man is born of woman, and it is God who brings everything into existence, so very, very clear that we are interdependent, we are equal, we are co-heirs with Christ, and we are interdependent. Okay, so we realize that, you know, this is the truth of scripture, and you see that it's, you know, even though the society of those times were very, very patriarch in nature, patriarchal in nature, you know, this is a truth of God's Word that comes very powerfully through Peter, you know, the Apostle Peter, and through the Apostle Paul saying, hey, this is how it is, this is what it is, as new creations, this is how it is. Okay, so for us to, you know, embrace this truth, which could be counterculture, you could be a minority, right? People might say, you know, as a man, you're the boss, and you need to really show who's the boss in the house, you need to sit and run certain things, right? You need to sit and you need to order things around, that's what I did, that's what my father did, that's what my grandfather did, and you need to do the same thing. You could be a minority, right? In wanting to stand for truth, which could be counterculture, counter-tradition. Okay, but are we willing to hold on to the truth? That's the question, right? Okay, so let's look at Ephesians 5. Ephesians 5 and verse 21, okay, we have it here, but I just want to, you know, before we look at the message version, I just want to look at the New King James version as well. Ephesians 5 verse 21, submitting to one another in the fear of the Lord, okay, and then it says, wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the church and he is the savior of the body, okay? So if we stop there, the marriage is in great trouble, okay? It talks only about the wife submitting the husband being the head. If we read further, that is from verse 24, we see, okay, therefore just as the church is subject to Christ, so let wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her, that he might sanctify and cleanser with a washing of water by the word, that he might present her to himself a glorious church, not having a wrinkle or any such thing, that she should be holy and without blemish, okay? And it says, okay, it says in verse 28, so husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies, he who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it just as the Lord does the church, for we are members of his body, of his flesh, of his bones, okay? And then quotes from Genesis 2 and goes down, say, nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his wife, own wife has himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband, okay? So if you read the message version, you know, it brings out certain, you know, explain certain words, you know, says out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another, you know, that word submission, be submitted to one another, this is courteously reverent to one another, wives understand and support your husbands in ways that you show your support for Christ. Oh, that's an eye-opener, right? Husband provides leadership to his wife, so he says, you know, where it reads, the husband is the head of the wife, says, provides leadership the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering, but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ, so he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their own husbands, okay? Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church, a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole, his words evoke her beauty, everything he does and says is designed to bring, sorry, bring the best out of, oops, sorry. Let me just share that. So, verse 27, Resiga and Darsling, white silk radiant with holiness, and that is how husbands ought to love their wives, okay? They're really doing themselves a favor since they're already one in marriage, so a lot of truth here, you know, revelatory truth that we need to hold on to. No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it, that's how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. So some keywords here, nourish, cherish, okay, we're going to be looking at that, and so in Paul actually here in this passage, in actually bringing out how Christ loves the church, the relationship between the church and Christ, so he's bringing out the relationship between the husband and the wife as well, and so certain truths that he brings out here, which is very, very important, very important for us to know, very important for us to really put to practice, okay? So certain things that we see here, okay, for the husband, okay, this is what we see, okay, husband, love your wife, okay, do we see that? Yeah, so he says, how do we love? You love the way Christ loved, which means unconditional, agape, unconditional love, okay, without expecting anything, without putting any conditions, you love, okay, and then second thing he says is you nourish, okay, nourish, the word used there is nourish, nourish means to nurture, nourish means to feed, so you provide the right nutrition, right, so in all realms, like emotionally, you're nourishing, emotionally, which means to, you know, nurture, to encourage, to speak kind words, to enable that person, okay, so that's the role of the husband, okay, so love, when we say love, you know, men generally do this, you know, they say, okay, I love and all that, but you know, we need to follow up with action, right, we need to follow it up with acts of love, okay, so I remember looking at a t-shirt many years ago, it says love is a verb, meaning love is not just about saying that you love, love is not just about writing songs of love or singing songs of love and writing prose, I mean poetry, love letters and all that, it is a verb which means it's actually action, okay, so this love actually leads to action, it might be sacrificial in nature, okay, just consider that, okay, so it's great to say, I do, it's great to say, yeah, I love you the rest of my life and, you know, everything, but when the wife wants a cup of water in the middle of the night and you have to go to the kitchen to get it and, you know, that's love, love is tough, it's tough on you, you know, it's tough on you, so that is love, so it's not just when things are fine, in fact, the vow itself, the marriage vow itself, it's like, you know, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, right, if you see, you know, it just brings out that contrast and it says that till death do us part, right, that's the vow that you're making and it's based on this, right, so you love as Christ loved, so it means it would be sacrificial, it means that it will build up the person, nourish the person, nurture the person, okay, so are we doing that, right, for those of us who are married, we need to ask ourselves, I need to ask myself that question, am I doing that, am I, with my words, with my actions, am I cutting down the self-worth of my spouse? Constantly am I saying, hey, you are like this, you will always like this, you're always making these mistakes, you're never on time, you're always doing this, well, this is never tasty, you know, am I cutting down the self-worth, chipping away, you know, hammering away, or am I speaking words of encouragement, okay, speaking words of encouragement doesn't mean that you have to speak lice, that you have to speak one of words of flattery, no, to say, okay, this is how, what reality is, but this is how things are, but then it could be this, you know that, you can, you are capable of doing this, right, and to see something good and compliment that, many times, you know, we just, okay, let's say the wife cooks a great meal and the men just eat it and then, we don't say anything, I just eat it now, and then one more helping, if it's good, and that's it, you know, how many times do we compliment and say, okay, it's great, it stays great, there's a lot of effort that has gone in, right, to say that it's fantastic, how many times, you know, has husbands do we, you know, compliment the wife, you know, looking good today, you know, we said all that during the courtship time, right, before we made the covenant, after making the covenant, how many times have we complimented your spouse, right, so that's the thing, the same goes for the wife as well, but we're looking, you know, specifically as a husband's role, right, Naresh, okay, let's do a couple of things, maybe we'll, and then wrap up, right, Cherish, what is that word Cherish mean, okay, now that's, that's again a difficult word, right, it means to value something as precious, well, that's exactly what Paul is written here, okay, let me read that words again, Ephesians 5 and then he's saying husbands, love your wives, Christ's love, okay, then verse 29, he says, for no one ever hated his flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it just as the Lord does the church, so nourish and cherish, so cherish means to to value something as very precious, okay, so let's say you have a precious, maybe some gadget, maybe some, maybe a guitar or some instrument, something that is precious, you know, you treat it well, you know, you, it's not like an everyday thing, you know, you don't want it to get dusty, you treat it well, you maintain it well, right, and that's the idea, cherish, so the thing is to, you know, look at some of the, just have one more minute, to look at one of the, some of the situations, okay, how does the wife feel cherished, or when does the wife feel cherished, right, if the husband communicates, if the husband shares what he feels, if he shares, if he shares his heart with the wife, if he, you know, if he doesn't shut up that communication, you know, close down that communication, then the wife feels cherished, okay, that's something for us to know, a wife feels cherished when there is, when there is romance and not just physical intimacy, for the sake of intimacy, right, that's something for us to learn, men, you know, men are very good at it when they are pursuing the, pursuing the woman, right, during the courtship, they suddenly turn into poets, they suddenly turn into songwriters, they do everything possible, you know, but then in the marriage, is it still there, right, that's something for us to know, when was the last time, husbands, when was the last time you bought flowers for your wife, right, do that, okay, the wife feels, the last one, and then we'll continue, the wife feels cherished when her husband is trustworthy, you know, this is a big one, and there is trust when the wife can, trust, the wife feels cherished, okay, so we'll stop here and we'll continue next session, okay, thank you, God bless, bye-bye.