 The Anderson family. I tell you, Mary, I had nothing to do with that woman coming here and asking for money. I'm not interested in hearing anything you have to say, Oliver Anderson. I tell you, it was all on account of Homer, sending that request to the Lovelorn Club. No, it's Homer's fault. Yes, it is. Mr. Meister had one of those folders, ma'am. You stay out of this. Well, I'd like to see justice done. There, there, there. You see, even Junior fuses, I do. You haven't heard the last of this yet, Oliver Anderson. Uh-oh, here we go again, folks. Now, let's visit the Anderson family. Well, this whole thing started when Homer Meister, the man next door, hired Junior Anderson and Butch Chapman to clean out his garage. Mrs. Meister insisted Homer clean the garage, and right now, Junior and the Chapman boy Butch are piling up old letters, envelopes, pictures of pin-up girls and miscellaneous artworks that Homer has accumulated over the years. Tied his junk together, Junior. I'll stack up all these old newspapers here. Okay, Butch. Gee, with a bunch of junk. What's Mr. Meister doing with all these pictures of these dames? Well, I guess it's just a hobby with him. Besides, Butch, he's married. Oh, don't be a joy, Junior. That's the kind of got their eye out. Mr. Meister explained to me that he's fun to art. Art? Call this dame art? She's too fat. What a face. Look at the way she's trying to look pretty. Uh, yeah, well, uh, shall we get this stuff out of here? Oh, yeah. Hey, wait a minute. Looky here. What is it? A folder. Gee, all kinds of coiled with numbers under them. Yeah, well, um, throw it on this pile and let's get going, Butch. Throw it on the pile? Nothing? Listen to this. Are you lonely? Huh? Does the same face across the breakfast table each morning for you? Would you like to trade off the old model for a new? It's just an ad. It doesn't mean anything. Besides, maybe somebody just loaned it to him. Mr. Meister wouldn't send for it. Oh, he wouldn't, eh? See that? Homer Meister S-squire. Oh, we shouldn't be reading Mr. Meister's mail, Butch. It's open, ain't it? Guy can't help looking at something he finds, can he? I think I'll take this home with me. Yeah, and then what? Hey, let's thus send for a catalog. Then we'll show the kids the school and all the pictures, you know, and just for laughs. Just for a gag, huh? Sure. Well, their eyes pop out. I can see the kids now calling you Casanova chaplain. Don't hurt none, you know. Yeah, but some of these ladies on this folder are old enough to be your grandmother, Butch. Oh, I'll cut them out. There certainly should be one or two in the folder that'll take a good picture. You mean like this one? Oh, boy. Say, she's a peach. You know, Junior, I've got an idea. Let's write to this thing. Say, we're interested in the picture of this particular girl. You and me? Me? Sure. Why don't just you? Oh, you're scared, huh? Oh, come on. We'll have some fun. It's just for laughs. We can get into trouble. Trouble? Don't be funny. My old man had punched anybody in the nose who gave me a bad time. And he's just the guy that can do it. Now, Butch, now, look. Don't say nothing to nobody about this until they send a picture. Then we'll have some fun. Gee, what are you going to do? Well, here's exactly what I'll do. Wait a minute. Here, somebody's coming. I'll slip this folder in my pocket. And if you know what's good for you, you'll keep your mouth shut. Well, for God's sake, you mean you ain't got this garage cleaned up yet? We're tying the last bundle right now, Mr. Meister. We were helled up a bit. Oh, your words, huh? I kind of hate to see them pictures go. It kind of made it home-like out here. Yeah, it'll be kind of lonesome now. Yep, but of course, there comes a time in every man's life when he has to kind of forget the past and close his mind to things you like. Get that end over here, Junior. Time was when I'd rather fight a man than eat. Yeah, just put that pile on top and we'll take both piles, Butch. Well, I had so many women crazy about me. I had to leave town so the other fellas could find a wife. Up here. Up here. He comes. He got Mr. Meister. Oh, gosh, I'd like a trample-beated day for you. No, no, no. Right on off the door, now, Butch. Come on. Yeah, but this is all of it. Hey, hey, just put it right by the incinerator there, boys. Yeah, I gotta speak to Mary, but Junior running around with that Chapman kid. It ain't good for him. Sit still, Oliver. I'll get it. Yeah. Martha, come in, Martha. Oh, we can't stay but a minute, Mary. Homer, take off your cap. Well, of course. Give it some time. I know how to act. I ain't sayin' you don't. Shall I shut the door? Oh, Mary, I am sorry. Hey, Oliver here? Right in here, Homer. Come on in. Now, I don't want you to get in no trouble with Oliver. Oh, shut up, will you? Oh, oh, oh, a Meister trap. Come on in. Sit down. Oh, we can't stay, Mr. Anderson. Good. Oh, gosh, I wish I could be funny like him. You are, but it don't show. Sit down. Hey, Martha, a new hat. It's stunning. Yeah, yeah, the off-the-face kind it is, Mary. The only time Martha comes over is when she has something new. Now, that ain't right, Oliver. You know it. But, uh, Homer is so proud of me and he just wants to show me off. Like a little boy. Yep, yep. Martha is a good woman, Oliver. Someone been giving you an argument on it, Homer? That's not funny. I thought it was. Not a bit. Oh, Mary, I understand him. I think Homer was more like him. You can trust Oliver anywhere. Oh, is that so? No, I ask you not to go getting him no argument tonight, Martha. You've heard his pride, Martha. Pride? It's not pride. I don't think just because a man gets married that he loses any attraction for ladies. Well, he should. Martha's right, Oliver. You don't see ladies looking at Homer. Oh, then don't, eh? I mean, well, I just don't invite it, so. You don't mean to insinuate that Homer ain't got, uh, peal? Oh, look, Martha. Oh, it's Junior. Hi, everybody. Hello, dear. Say, Mom, did I get any mail today? No, not that I know of. Mail from whom? Oh, uh, just wondered if I got any of these off. Uh, maybe tomorrow I'll get some. Now, there's a nice little boy. Everyone says so. Hmm, we think so. Of course, I don't believe in neighbors putting their two cents worth in when it comes to growing kids, but that Chapman boy is too, uh, well, well, he's older than Junior. Homer, it's none of your affair. Well, yes, Junior can take care of himself, all right? I did. Well, so did I. But a couple of days ago when them boys was cleaning out my garage, I didn't like the way that Chapman kid was bossing little Junior around. Oh, you can boss Junior only so far, Homer. Well, I'm just telling you so. Yeah, now, we'll take care of the whole thing, Homer. That wasn't why you stopped by, was it? Just to tell us that. Nope, nope, we just went down to the corner and we're on our way home, uh, I did want to talk to you a minute though after I take Marthy home. Sure, I'll be right here. Well, then, come on, Marthy, let's get going. Yes, I think we better go, Homer. Hmm, Mary, you like my hat, hmm? Why, it's adorable, Martha. Black with that little orange trim so becoming. Come on, Marthy, don't keep there your mouth all night. Come on. Just keep your shirt on, Homer. I'll see you later, Homer, huh? Yeah, I'll be out in my garage. Come on over. Night, Martha. See you tomorrow, Mary. Good night. You know, the only reason she stopped was to show off that hat. Well, I suppose she did. Would it hurt you to say something nice about it? Homer trying to tell me that Junior's in bad company. Oh, he was only trying to help, Oliver. I do know, though, that which Chapman has dates with girls? Who else would he have dates with? Oh, but, Oliver, he's only a year older than Junior. That's true. You think he's too young to have dates? I know Junior is. One night, Mrs. Chapman called up here at 11 o'clock. Didn't know where which was. How does that affect Junior? Don't you see? If Junior started running around with him, you are... That's nonsense. I started running after girls when I was 13. But they didn't catch one until I was 17. You're different, dear. What are you, different? Well, what I'm trying to say is you're a little past the ogling age. Always. Oh. You men never give up trying to impress, do you, dear? You know, Mary, sometimes I think it would be a good idea for a husband just to show his wife that he's very capable of being attractive to women. Oh, come now. You're making a production out of a little joke. Oh, I am, huh? Hate to have anyone think I'm a husband, but because I'm married, it puts me in the all-so-ran class. Oh, no, one believes that, Oliver. Okay. What would you think if I brought a very charming lady to the house and said, this young lady finds me very attractive? Oh. I'd do my best to make her feel comfortable, darling. Yeah, I'll bet you. Oh, this is so silly, dear. Run on over to Homer's. He's waiting for you. I'm sure it's very important. Yeah, I'll let him wait. I'm in no mood to talk to anyone. Very well. If you have time, I'll call Junior and tell him to get his homework done. Junior, did you get your mail? Huh? No, no, I didn't look. Come here, come here, see what I got. Gee, you got an answer from the lonely club. An answer? Look, they don't fool her. Here, sit down, undercover, sit down. Take a look here on page three. What if your father finds out? Don't be a joy, Junior. There, look at her, isn't she swell? That top one there, with the coils. Yeah, kind of. Kind of? You just don't know class. Now, if there's a girl I'd like to get a picture from. Hey, what's that letter? Did that come with the folder? Oh, this? Yeah, listen. It says, dear Mr. Chapman, that's me. Please look on page three, number 7732. I think this is the sort of girl you described in your inquiries. A personal... personal interview is being arranged. A personal interview? A butch. Yeah. That means she's coming out to see you. Gee, I hope not. Oh, Mito, look, you didn't mention me in your letter, I hope. For sure. How else would we get the pictures? It's just a gag. All right, here comes Mr. Meister Butch. Keep quiet, don't say nothing to him. Hey, hey, where's your pa, Junior? In the house, I guess, Mr. Meister. Well, where do you fellas up to, huh? Why? Are you a detective or something? Well, no, no, I'm just sort of inquiring. But we was just discussing things in general. Oh, yeah, right? Yeah. Junior, run on in and tell your pa and wait to see him. Okay, Mr. Meister. Wait a minute. What's that picture you got there, Butch? I'm something of a Connie Conn. Well, I'm sort of an admirer of art. Just a few pictures of something that looks models. You wouldn't want to see him. Who wouldn't? I mean, let's glance at him. Hey, where'd you get it? I'll tell Pape already, Mr. Meister. Just a minute, Junior. What's wrong? Oh, nothing. Seven, seven, two, two, six. Oh, boy, she's a little beefy. I'll find me some cattle I had one time. Seven, seven, two, two, nine. Oh, boy, look at that face. There's a mean face. Oh, but look at here. Look at here's one. Oh, seven, seven, three, three, two. Hey, hey, you better let me have this one, Sonny. Nothing doing. You find your own pictures. I've got one you can have, Mr. Meister. Well, gosh, thanks, Junior. You what? You got one of these? Oh, gosh, quiet, quiet. Look what's coming down this street. Now, lookie here, butch, Chapman. Now, oh, jumpin' come quats, dag nabbit. What, Mr. Meister? Look, look, it's the girl in the folder. Seven, seven, three, three, two. She's turnin' in your house, Junior. Oh, gee, butch, we gotta stop her. I don't wanna talk to her. That's too late now. Can't you do something, Mr. Meister? We're home. I mean, well, there's just nothin' I can do now. Now back to the Anderson family. Butch Chapman, a neighbor's boy, sent to a lonely hearts club for one of their folders, just as a joke, but it seemed to have gone beyond that for an answer to his inquiry. A young lady has made a personal call at the home of Junior Anderson. It seems that Butch had asked for a folder for Junior, too. Well, Mary and Oliver Anderson are in the kitchen when the buzzer announces a caller. Oh, get the door. Will you dear? My hands are all flower. Yeah, probably home on Meister. Can't he stay home at all? Hello? I beg your pardon. Mr. Anderson? Why, uh, yes. Why? I didn't think I'd find such a handsome man. Well, well, uh, well, I'm... What? May I come in? Uh, I guess so. Well, thank you. May I ask who you are? I'm 77332. 77332? Yes, page three. Page three? Uh, won't you come in a moment where we can sit down? Thank you. I do hate being so formal, but... But remember, I've just met you, Mr. Anderson. Oh, we're not formal here at all. I hope you won't pick on mercenary if I ask if you own your own home. Well, um, almost. There's a little left to pay off. Well, I think that's very important. It shows thrift. Yeah. And I insist on a thrifty man. Uh, pardon me. You aren't a thrifty man. Uh, pardon me. You aren't looking for Homer Meister, are you? Mr. Meister? I don't know. Oh. Now, please don't misunderstand me, Mr. Anderson. A girl can't be too particular these days. Uh, you mean with the shortage? I ask for so little, Mr. Anderson. Oh, well, I... A girl unprotected and alone these days finds it very hard to manage. Uh, well, of course, I... You could be so happy with a home of my own. Uh, I'm sure you could. I've just given up hopes. I've been in three issues, and I've had offers from motormen to cowheads. Yeah, let me tell you a knock. Oh, please, don't tell me anything now. Just let me look at you. Well... Let me drink in the kindness from your eyes. Well, I don't know what to say here. Don't say it. Just look at me. My slave. Uh, wait a minute. That last was uncalled for. Oh, no, I don't think so. Is this your name? Oliver Anderson, Jr.? Well, uh, yes, I... Uh, Jr.? Now, don't try to deny that this is your request. Now, wait a minute. That other letter there. That letter just there. Yes. Do you know him? No. Mr. Quillen K. Chapman. Indeed I do. A fine man. But how did you... Never mind that. This Chapman turns out to be another turkey. Brother, you'll hear from me later. And you don't need to take me to the door, either. But please understand. I had nothing to do with this. Don't beg. I hate a crawler. Yeah, but this is a mistake. And you've made it, brother. Uh... Fine thing. All right, Mary. What's so funny? You! No. Now what? Well, what do you want, Homer? Well, uh, nothing exactly. But, uh, young lady that just came out the door. Yeah? Well, she asked me how to get to Chapman's house. And now I can tell you all about it. I don't want to hear any more about it. Now, is there anything else? Uh, uh, yeah. Well? Uh, psst. Did you get her phone number? What? How to hold you, mister? Oh, don't talk, you sweet man. Let me just reek in the kindness from your eyes. Oh, cut it all. How do you feel, ma'am? Something? Are you butch? Me? Nah, but I'm expecting him in a minute. Want to wait? Yes, if you don't mind. Okay, hop in then. Thank you. Uh, what do you want to see Butch about? Well, it's rather personal. Oh, well, uh, he should be home any minute. What sort of work is Butch engaged in? Work? Him? Why, he ain't lifted a finger all his life. Oh, my. How does he live? Oh, he does all right. Is something wrong? Oh, no, nothing. But I don't know whether Butch would want me discussing our future with anyone else. Now, you can tell me. Uh, is he kind? Butch kind? Say, he wouldn't harm a flea. Well, he's had three little titles and a guinea pig for months now. He loves animals. Guinea pig? Yeah. He's sure proud of them. Plays with them all the time. Want to see him? Uh, no, no, thanks. Is Butch a blonde or a brunette? Oh, done if I know. Kind of in between. But who are you? You wouldn't understand. But I'm 77332. You what? I hope to become Mrs. Butch Chapman. Well, that's fine. You? Mary Butch? Why, he ain't never gone out with a guile. Hmm? Hasn't had a date? Say that again. Now, say, look, look, I don't know what your racket is. Racket? Yeah, it must be. How come you're around here asking about Butch? Because I received a communication from him. And I understood from the bureau that he was looking for a wife. You mean you got mail from him? Oh, here's the letter. Hmm. Shay, that's my stationery. Now, wait a minute. I ain't writing no letters to no dames, especially a dame I ain't seen yet. Oh, what a chance of the lonely girl. No one to turn to. Now, will you cut it out? The old lady ain't going to like this. Oh, you men are alike. Now you're trying to keep me from my Butch. By telling me you're Butch. Wait, wait, will you? How did you know to come here? One of the most insolent ceds I ever met directed me. An Oliver Anderson person. The stoop. Oh, I like that description. I know now who you mean. Yep. And lady, if you don't mind, take a powder, will you? Scram. Business with his Anderson, Jake. Where is Junior? He'll hear from this, Mary. Why do you try to blame it on Junior? Your little gag didn't work. So now it's Junior. I tell you, I saw the letter, asking about different models. You mean Junior's running to girls he's never seen? It looks that way. I wonder how long this has been going on. I see now what Homer meant when he said Butch was too old to be playing with Junior. You think Butch put him up to it? Well, where would Junior get the idea? I believe you're right. I'll go see Chapman this minute. No, I wouldn't, Oliver. You know his nasty temper. Oh, yeah. I have a temper too, you know. This has to be nipped in the bud. And I'm just the guy that can do it. What I get through is that Chapman. Oh, quiet. Someone at the door. I'll get it. I ain't no Mrs. Anderson. He's your husband here. I've yet thrown him out. Uh, Oliver, you mean? Yeah. Well, won't you come in? Thanks. And now look here, Chapman. Now you look here. You listen to me. You're going to listen to me. Oh. Uh, let's talk about something else. Don't change the subject. Yo, yo, yo, you male order Romeo. Yo, look, it's all a mistake, Chapman. Yeah, and you're the guy who made it. Boys, boys, please. It's not that serious. Not that serious. You know what could have happened? My old lady could have been here. And she'd have packed up and left me in a minute. And maybe never come back. Hey, wait a minute. That's not a bad idea. But don't forget, Chapie. That girl had a letter head from the Chapman firm. I only told her where you lived. I wish you could have found that out in a phone book. Well, I've been wanting to tell you a thing or two for a long time, Anderson. And I've been wanting to talk to you, too. Well, now that's chummy. Why don't you boys sit and I'll make some coffee. You seem to have something to discuss. It's all right with me. Me, too. All right. Then it will only take me a moment. Sit down, Chapman. You sit first. It's my home. You're my guest. It ain't because I want to be. You don't like my home. I ain't got nothing against your home if that's what it is. What do you call that dump you're living in? It's paid for. Yeah, from charging three and a half dollars to put a washer in a faucet. If you want to commit a thing. No. Then I'll charge what I want. Are you going to sit down like a man? Have you kicked me in a shin while I'm relaxed? Oh, no. I'm a sneak. I hate you, Anderson. It's mutual, brother. You going to sit down? Are you? This is my home. Then why don't you keep it up? Sending a woman to my home. How did I know? I thought you had a good taste in lemon, old chap. She wasn't bad at that. She blew eyes. Great. Are you kidding? She stood right in the light. Okay. Blue. She'll make someone a very good wife. Yeah. And I'd play few. Boy. She sure stunk up the joint with that. And I did feel sorry for the poor kid. Yeah. She was the sincere type. And the way I treated her. Anderson, you know I'm a heel. Yes, chappy, but we can't have everything. You already have a lovely little wife. Yeah. She ain't bad, is she? And it swallows her. Looks just like you. Now, wait a minute, Anderson. That could look... It looks all right. Now, that's what I say. Now, the only thing is, I hope this girl can forget me. Forget you, look, brother. I'm worried she's coming back to my house the way she looked at me. That's just your imagination. Oh, it is, huh? Yeah. I could say that she was the kind of woman who would never look at another man. I got that impression, too. But she'll meet some nice young broad-shorter and narrow-four-headed young man, and be happy. Yeah. Yeah, I guess that girl would be pretty hard to please. Why don't you men sit down? Yeah, sit down. Well, I ain't tired. Well, then maybe you'll join us in a cup of coffee down to the corner cafe. I'm out of coffee, I just discovered. Well, now, that's right. Nice of you, I sure will. Well, of course, I'd like to speak to Junior first. Now, look, Jake. I mean, Anderson, I'll take care of the whole thing. Junior and Butch just didn't realize what they was doing. Yes, maybe he has an explanation, dear. Well, I just thought it was funny. I haven't seen him around this evening. Well, there's lots of time to speak to him. Come on, let's go. Oh, here's a booth right here. Yeah, yeah, slide in here, Mrs. Anderson. All right. Come on, there's a lot of smoke in here. Yeah, it's a joint. Oh, well, just coffee. You know, Oliver, I just can't help thinking about that poor girl. Maybe she was hungry. Yeah, gee, I never thought of that. Anderson, I'm a heel. She did look so afraid. She seemed like a lady, too. Yeah. Wait a minute. What is it? Yes, sir. You're right, Mr. Chapman. It's the girl. 7-7-3-3-2? Yeah, yeah. And look what some guy do. Yeah? Yellow sweater and cap. Shh, she doesn't see us in this smoke. Here's the booth, darling. I just want to sit and look into your eyes and drink from the kindness of... Well, like I was telling you, on my first trip to the Orient, I met a little babe in Singapore. I'm so thrilled I met you, Homer, darling. Well, of course, I suppose you get tired of these young whippersnappers. They're just on a hot treat, a good woman. Sit down, babe. Slide right in there. Casanova Chapman, I have been. Romeo Anderson, what a laugh. Now, Mr. Chapman, Oliver is a Romeo. He's my Romeo. Yeah, that's right. Now, if I can just go home and convince the old lady, I'm Casanova. We'll call this whole thing square. The Anderson family is written by Howard Swart, directed by Herb Lytton, and features Dick Lane as Oliver, Louise Arthur as Mary, Walter Tetley as Junior, and Herbert Rawlinson as Homer. Others in the cast were Doug Young as Chapman, George Peroni as Butch, and Ginny Johnson as 7-7-3-3-2. Music by Gordon Kibbey, sound effects by Ray Erlenborn, and your announcer is Ken Peters. The Anderson family is a Hollywood broadcaster's production transcribed from Hollywood.