 Hey, hey, thank you for joining me again another episode of talks with Tony. Hey, I got an email from a young lady and It says hello, mr. Tony Gaskins. I listen to your show daily I'm trying to close a chapter in my life and I have bitter feelings and I'm trying to resolve them the godly way I Have had a friend. I knew for 30 plus years Years I had a crush on him since I was 16 years old Needless to say he became a Catholic priest and became ordained in 1986 So We've we have been friends all this time as a friend and priest He knew me completely and I trusted him with everything in 2010 so nine years ago. I found out through a friend He was no longer a priest because he had fathered a child. I was disappointed and he didn't tell me because I Thought that we were really friends I was disappointed that he didn't tell me because I thought that we were friends. I Forgave him and continued our friendship. We always had an attraction to one another, but never explored it Because of him becoming a priest until a couple years ago He moved to Florida and we became inseparable He proposed to me and we decided to start a business together Four months into the engagement things started to change and we got into a big argument Which I said some things that was bothering me and he didn't like it Well, he moved back to our hometown when I asked him about our relationship in business He never responded back to me. I am tired. No, I tried calling and texting him to resolve the problem But never got a response back. I felt like he used me or he never was my friend to begin with How can I resolve a situation when the person doesn't care to respond trying to move on? Okay Well, thank you so much for writing in and y'all forgive me on the reading part It's you know, she sent it with an iPhone so it was some some typos in there You know how the iPhone does it's a few things that jumped out to me and I'm trying to get these dates, right? and so you've known for 30 plus years and he was Since 16 you've had a crush on him and then he became a Catholic priest and got ordained in 86 And so I was trying to do my math 96 2006 2016 So 2019 33 years and you say you've known him for 30 plus years and Y'all kept in touch 2010 you found out he wasn't a priest anymore and He fathered a child y'all got together now. Here's the thing And this is just a rule of thumb and this is for everybody listening because you know, your situation is kind of You know, it's kind of done but It's very very rarely can you take a Friend a platonic friend a genuine friend and turn them into your lover and What you have to understand here is that if a man is okay being your friend then he doesn't want to be your lover But see here's what happened. He went through so much he experienced so much in his life It's been so many years. So from 86 To two years ago I think you said until a couple years ago, which was probably 2017 or 2016 depending on, you know What you're really referring to so you're looking at 30 years 96 2006 2016 so for 30 years He's been dealing with this priesthood stuff and you've known him that time He went and fathered a child Which means when he saw the woman that he was into that he was attracted to sexually He got her pregnant. He got her pregnant and lost his priesthood and then after that didn't work out He made her a baby mama. He's a baby daddy. He moves on with his life and then about six seven years later Because that was 2010 but you didn't say when he had fathered the child So it could have even been earlier, but by the time you got to him at this point I mean he's older He's still not married. He's lost. He's confused. He's hurting So so you got to take all these things into consideration and then you go and you get with them You turn a friend into a lover and that is that never really works because Men are hunters by nature It's impossible for us to be platonic friends with a woman that we are attracted to Unless we know that she's married and she's off limits and she's absolutely not interested But you said we had an attraction to one another which really means you had an attraction to him Just because he was nice to you and he talked to you or maybe even he's told you he had an attraction That's not true if he doesn't act on it And it's not because he didn't act on it because he was becoming a priest because he went and got another woman pregnant So to everyone out there listening You can't turn a friend into a lover now. Yes, you should be friends with your lover But so what this means is that when you meet somebody you need to decide is this going to be a friend? Or is this going to be a lover and if you decide this is going to be a lover Then you build that loving intimate relationship you build it on Friendship, but if you say this is a friend you got to keep it in that box for good and the reason why? I've never heard yet to the to this date and I received thousands of emails and I deal with so many people I've never heard a story that says this person was my best friend for five years seven years ten years twenty years you know Thirty years like you said and then we became lovers and it's been amazing and it's been perfect But if I had a dollar for every time I've heard I was best friends with this man Or this woman and then we became a couple and it turned out Disasterous if I had a dollar for every time I have a million dollars and the reason why is because you've been put in a box And you learn languages of communication with a friend and it's totally different it's totally different in a relationship and so That's where you went wrong Your desperation sat in you you've been you said 30 plus years you had a crush since 16 So 30 plus 16 that makes you at least 46 to still be single You didn't mention you having any kids and that he Accepted your kids like you like your own or that he treated your kids like his own I mean you didn't mention your kids Maybe you have kids but 46 and to be able to get engaged at 46 It lets me know that is some desperation on your part. So you overlook the red flags He has desperation to leave the hometown and move to Florida to be with you And then not only does he move to Florida and get engaged y'all start a business So see I'm Listing this out because I want you to start thinking if you're under the sound of my voice I want you to start thinking like this and looking at red flags and all of the red flags that we ignore when we're embarking upon a relationship and so For you to call him out and say some things that has been on your heart and then for him to cut you cold Turkey and move back to your hometown and you can't reach him Yes it's kind of like When you did that it's like pouring salt on a slug It's like shining a light. Is it a vampire that can't be around light? Whatever it is, you know You exposed him with the words that you said like hurtful words That's not gonna make a man pick up pack his bags and move and then just he ghosted you Essentially and so that's not gonna make you expose him You call him out on some things that he really felt guilty about so here's what you have to do You got to realize that you broke a You know cardinal rule of trying to turn a friend into a lover You broke a major rule by doing that And so you played yourself in that because you didn't know and you was open to the idea and you like well Hey, I've always liked them. This can be something the next thing you have to realize is you didn't pay attention to This man and his character. Okay, you were a priest and you get a woman pregnant You're a priest now you lose your priesthood now now you come and you get with me And then you just get engaged to me and then we're together and you start a business None of those things appeared to be red flags to you just because you just weren't aware and you were caught up in your love and affection for him and so really you you're dealing with a Broken lost hurting confused man Borderline calm man, but not really because he up and left if he was a true calm man He would have just took it on the chin what you said to him and continue to use you for whatever Access or money. I mean you started a business. You got something going on So cut them cut them realize that you've been spared Realize that this guy could be deep down could be crazy Know that he's gonna come back. He's gonna respond, but he's training you right now He's training you right now and what the message he's trying to teach you is never in your life Call me out or question me again Because you are old and you are desperate and you are lonely and I am God's gift to you and if you ever in your life call me on my crap and You know spit in my face with the truth. You will never hear from me again He's training you right now And so if you don't understand that and get that message Guess what when he answers next week or the following week, you're gonna be like, oh, yes Oh my goodness you finally answer. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. Please come back Please let's make it work. Please. Let's keep working on our business and then he's gonna give you a hard time Sweat you out a few more days and then he's gonna come back But then you're gonna be trained to say, okay I've never again say what I've been thinking or what I've been feeling never again and then boom He has you where he wants you and then he sucks you dry for all of your savings all of your money Everything and then he'll run off again on you. So understand. This is your grace This is your grace because a man who's committed to you does not leave just because you hurt his feelings with some words This is your grace. God is trying to send you a smoke signal That's why he sent you to write me and your message was at the top of my inbox I really was supposed to scroll to the end of my inbox to get to the old messages But I just started with you. So that's a sign too This is your grace. Don't take your grace for granted get gone Hey, thank you so much for submitting your question If you are watching this and you have a question make sure that you send it in to inbox at Tony gaskins calm inbox at Tony gaskins calm Check the description below. Thank you to all of my patrons. It's been a blessing working with you On patreon and providing exclusive content. The link is in the description. So if you want to join the crew Thank you so much. I look forward to talking to you soon