 A very good morning to you. Thank you so much for being part of this morning show. This is Power Talk. My name is Ram Aguco. Thank you for sticking with Y254 TV, your number one youth station here. We're coming to you live from the Kenya Broadcasting Corporation in Nairobi, Kenya. We're also streaming live through our website. That's at www.kebc.co.KE4 slash Y254. We value your feedback, engage with us. Of course, we appreciate your presence right here on Power Talk. The hashtag as always is a Power Talk show on Twitter at Ram Aguco and at Y254 channel. And of course, let us know where you are watching us from as we continue with this conversation. Head over to our Facebook page, like the page and talk to us. Give us your thoughts in regards to this. Now today, we want to talk about handling breakups. What is the procedure of healing? How have you handled your breakups once you broke up with your girlfriend or your boyfriend? How did you handle it? How do you go through that whole process of healing and heartbreak? And at what point do you actually move on to the next relationship? Today, let's talk about handling breakups and find out about how we need to help ourselves in regards to this. I know somebody is heartbroken this morning. We have the medicine for you right here on Power Talk. To my far right, I am with Alan Lawrence. Joining me in the studio, he is a relationship coach and an author. Carlson Alan. Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate your presence. Yeah, I appreciate it. You can take the mic. Okay, sure. And of course, next to me, I am with Emma Njeri, an actress and of course, a media personality. Thank you so much. You're welcome. Of course, we value feedback. The hashtag always is a part of show art Ram Agucco and art Y254 channel. As I say, let us know what you think about this particular conversation, handling breakups. This is Power Talk. Let's talk about this issue. Let me start with you, Alan. Yes. You've written so many books. No, no, the book is called what? Before you think of dating. Before you think of dating. Yes. That's why I wrote this book. Because the reason why you wrote this book is actually to help somebody to avoid getting heartbreak. And I've perused through it. Yeah, sure. I remember. I've perused through it and I love how you wrote it. But there is something that I want you to say as an opening remark. What are some of the common mistakes that people do that always end up with heartbreaks? Let's start from there. One, the foundation of the relationship. Because you realize that most people don't take time to cultivate the art of friendship in a relationship. Because it reaches to a time whereby the romantic aspect of everything you're doing, it might cease. But the foundation, if it is on the foundation of friendship, it will make you even stronger together no matter what happens towards you. It will be what will be a cementing factor to ensure that the relationship continues. Remember, the goal is not to have a perfect relationship. And there is no perfect relationship at the end of the day. We only have good relationships. What is the goal? The goal is for us now to build a friendship basis whereby now we grow together in unity. We grow together in purpose. Because at the end of the day, after all is done and done, you will not be remembered for the relationship you had, but the quality of the lifestyle you are going to have. You are saying the common thing that always makes people to break up is a foundation. Of course, I want to find out just a table of this. What do you mean by saying the foundation? Because you don't have to agree with me at the end of the day. It's either you are in a serious relationship or you are the one treating the relationship serious. Because maybe the goal you are looking at a point of having a relationship with this person or you are looking at dating with this person, but this person is looking at you as a commodity. You are trading. They are only there after their own selfish interest. What is the foundation here? The foundation here is not clearly defined. Because we have not defined who are we in this relationship. Find out who you are first. Yeah. What you want to intentionally. Yeah. Alright. Welcome to you, Emma. Do you agree with what Lord Alan is saying? And in the opening remarks, I also answer the same question I asked him. What are some of the common mistakes that most, if not every person does, that we are sure of? If it... Do you want to say something? Premium. Yes. Premium. Yes. Thank you so much, Ram. And I agree with you 100%. Because I believe everything that you do in this life, everything, it has to do with your foundation. For example, I don't know when this building was done, but I can tell it was not done last year or two years ago. But this building has been able to stay for these all years because it had a good foundation. Because we, especially our generation, our age, we are getting into relationships with different reasons. For example, you find me, now I want a boyfriend because my friend has a boyfriend. I want a boyfriend because my age means I have boyfriends. I want a boyfriend because I feel I'm of age. I want a boyfriend because the society expects me to have a boyfriend at that particular time. Yes. So many people get into relationships with different reasons. And as he has said, the foundation, what is your foundation? And I'm sorry to say, but in our generation, we are taking the wrong... We are starting on the wrong foot. For example, Alan here, he has come to me. The first thing I look at, how is he dressed? What car is he driving? Where does he work? So now you see already the foundation is wrong. So for example, if I love him because of his suit, the day he will not have this suit, that means our love will end there. Because the foundation of our love was the suit. If I love him because of the job, the day he will be fired, that's the day that our love will die because I loved him because of the job. So if you have the wrong foundation, you cannot expect to have a good building. So many people are not taking their time to build on the foundation. For example, I can give you my example. Actually, I think I was having this conversion the other day. After I did my form 4, many of my classmates got married immediately. They got married, they got kids. How long since you did your form 4? Almost 10 years plus. How long did they take after? They didn't even take even a year. Some even immediately. Actually, there's a lady who just finished school. I think she just moved in with a boyfriend. But my point is, maybe like 3-4 years later, many of them right now, they are single moms. Because they did not even take time also to understand themselves. You know when you come from high school, you still have the mentality of a child. So you have not matured enough. And now you want to force yourself into adulthood of being someone's wife. The question is, have you been able first to lay good foundations of your life first? Because the moment I have an issue, I get into a relationship. Definitely I'll go with my issues. But if I have taken enough time to grow, actually it starts with me. Am I ready for this? Do I have the capacity to handle the relationship? Because it comes with a lot of responsibilities. So many people are not taking their time to accept that I need time. I need to create a good foundation and I need to, for me to be able to grow to get into a relationship. And also what I can say also, the necessity where is what I can offer and what you can offer. So we have some form of business agreement. Yes, yes. What are you bringing on the table? Exactly. That's a recipe for a breakup. Before we tell you about how to handle a breakup, what you did with it, we need to tell you the reason why you are actually in that place. Correct. Yeah. Why are you there? People will tell you about the solutions. You do this. Why are you there? So that you don't find yourself in that place again. And then we have this conversation a second time on how to handle a breakup in a different scenario. Sergio, do you have any input in regards to what she has said? Yes. Something very important just to add on it. You know, you realize that most of the people are getting into a relationship because of what they can get, their selfish interest. Yes. And you realize, I always use this example. Ram today, because you're on TV, most of the people, they are not real with you. They are just loyal to their interest of what they can benefit out of your position, just because of who you are. That's the human nature. Exactly. Now when we get into a relationship, this person is not here for mutual benefits. They are just here because of the security and the glamour that comes with them dating you, with them just being associated with you. The question begs, after all the things that attracted them, if those things are stripped off from you, will they remain loyal unto you? Now, let me find out this. There is somebody who is at broken right now and they are asking themselves this question. What did I do wrong? And I know ladies always, I've seen this common with ladies. I don't know if men also go through this. If there is a man that goes through this, maybe you can let me know. But I know mostly these ladies who go through this. They are the ones who ask the question, Lilefa, don't leave me. What was my mistake? Where did I go wrong? Why should I go through this? Alan, your thoughts on that? You know, just before then that, you realize that at the end of the day, a relationship affects in most cases ladies. Why? Because a relationship is not a man thing because we are more of vision oriented. We are more of work oriented. So you realize that a lady will be very much attracted and very much attached to a relationship. That is why today you get to a place. You give a lady a chance to introduce herself. She will say, I'm a mother, I'm a wife and all those kind of things. But when you give them a chance, they'll say, I'm the CEO here. This is what I do. So it is a question of, you realize that a lady invests a lot into a relationship. And that is why it pains a lady in most cases. The lady will rather be broken by a bad guy other than a good guy from the very onset. Because you've been treating this person nicely. What has just suddenly changed? So the lady, especially in this scenario, a lady will be like after all my emotional investment, after all I did everything and anything to ensure that the relationship works. But this person ends up disappointing me. And you know, because of the investment and because of what they have been really investing emotionally into the relationship, it really breaks them down. But still, what should a lady do? When they are in that position where they are asking themselves the question, what did I do wrong? And no one is answering that question. One, the first thing is accept that it happened and you are not the problem. Because if you let your identity be pegged on the relationship, at the end of the day people are fickle, they might end up disappointing you. So the thing is, get into yourself, get attached with your vision, with your life purpose, understand that a relationship does not define you. You are the one who gives a relationship a definition. Then at the end of the day sit back and introspect yourself. Tell yourself maybe it didn't work because there are some things I did wrongly so that you can be able to move forward. Because if you still live in denial that this thing did not happen, you will not be able to move on. Emma, do you agree that ladies and gents will go through this more than the men? They ask the questions. Why me? What did I do wrong? I think we all go through the same. It's only that men don't really talk. But women we talk, we share, we bring it out here. But I think something about women speaking out of experience, when we love we love. So we give it our all. And most women, and this I'm a sort of experience, when you love someone, you are ready to give everything that you have. And now if it's not being given back, now that's where the problem gets. Yes, now you get trained because you give, you give, you give and you're not receiving anything. So at some point now you will be trained, you will not have anything to give anymore. So on the question of why me, I think I asked myself that question. I think I have shared my story here and I asked myself that question, why me? But now that now I am where I am today, I can never ask why me. Because I believe God cannot allow me to go through something and he knows that I don't have the capacity to handle it. And sometimes when you're going through that breakup, there are things that you don't see. That time nothing makes sense. You don't know what they are saying. But later now when you start realizing, wow, it was worth it. And I'm talking this out of experience. I'm telling you the truth Ram, if I never had, if I never left the other guy, or rather if he never left me, maybe I would have been dead today. So looking back, imagine I'm happy, I'm grateful that he did what he did. But also I'm proud of myself that I was able to do what I did. For somebody who doesn't know what you're talking about here, Emma has been heartbroken before. So this is for somebody who's talking about it from experience and right now as you speak she's married. Yes, so you know, actually I'm really proud of myself that I was able to do all that I did for him. I want you to tell us, in a nutshell, that point in time when you asked yourself the question, why me? What had happened for somebody who did not hear your story, who doesn't know your story? The reason why I got to a point of why me, it's because I was in a relationship where I loved a guy, where I gave my everything, to a point where I had to refer in college to give him some financial boost for him to complete school. To a point where, yes, yes, my life, I was working, I was paying his rent, I was helping the mother and the kids because the mother was a single mom and that was, to me it was personal because I've also been raised by a single mom. So for me it was, I was doing it because I knew how it felt to be in that position. And there is nothing as, okay, women, we are always enticed by what we hear. So this is a guy who's promising you a future every day. Like babe don't worry, I know today we are going through this, but tomorrow I have these dreams will be, you know, it used to encourage me. Yeah, even if you have these challenges right now, but I know after several years will be in a good place. Now, wait now until the time now that I knew he was still with his ex. I'm like, what have I not done? Imagine to a point, the mother is calling you, what do you want to miss? Now the brothers and the sisters and you're there 100% and then later he chooses his ex. It's fine, go to your ex. But now the damage he left in my life, I lost my job. I lost everything I had to go back to, to my mom's house and I stayed there. Like, when he was going back to the ex, like now, he was still in life, like at a job and stuff, or what happened? Imagine he was still in the same situation, I don't even know what was happening to him. Because even the ex settled, he had a job, I don't even know what was going on. So I was trying to weigh between me and this ex and him. At the moment, I don't even know what I was going to miss. I support him, I love him, I love him, I love him. But I realized all that was happening because I needed to learn something. There is a lesson that was coming with it. Because I went back home, I stayed with my mom. By the time I was coming back to Nairobi, I was a different person. I was not the same Emma that left Nairobi. I was a very, very different person because I started now learning how to love me. I started learning how to care for me. Because I was giving everything to him, at some point I even forgot about myself. But when I went home, I had time to reflect on my life. And I thought, hey, you need to love yourself more. You need to treat yourself well. And I'm telling you Ram, when I came back, I got another job, I started working. I used to treat myself like nobody's business. Just to add on what you are saying. Because you've just brought a very good dimension whereby if you love yourself even more, you will know what you really want in a relationship. By the time you're getting on that table to bargain about what you want, you really know because at the end of the day, I've said this, most of the people are using a relationship as an escape plan from their own self. So you compound your own responsibility towards another person. The happiness you cannot be able to give yourself. You cannot be able to get it in a relationship. So the quality of the relationship is fully pegged on how you love the person in the mirror. So it reaches to that point as an individual. No matter even if you're going through a heartbreak or not even going through a heartbreak, make it a point of loving yourself even more. Take yourself out for dates. Validate the person in the mirror because today if you're not going to validate the person in the mirror, remember you need to be very much careful of what you are speaking because at the end of the day you are hearing it. So if you cannot tell yourself that you love yourself, no person can be able to quantify and tell you how they love you accordingly. This is an amazing conversation that we're having. Tell us what you think about this particular issue here. Handling a breakup. What is your experience and how did you handle your breakup? Are you going through a breakup and you need help? We are here to, you know, we can help in a way or two. Lawrence is here, Emma is here. What you'll get out of here, I already feel like I'm in their shoes. I feel like I have pictured it like a movie in my head and I feel like meeting that guy and telling them where, where. Now, I want to talk about the issue of finances. Relationships are all about investments. Now when you invest your money and you end up feeling like you lost it or you wasted it. How do you handle that kind of a position, that kind of a feeling where you feel so broken that you wasted your money? There is some good who traveled. I'll talk to you happy and put you happy. You're the same. Emma, will you leave school fees? Will you leave school fees? Rents. Rents, school fees. How do you handle that? Let me come to Emma and then I'll. I think the moment we talk about finances in a relationship that's now where our society is sinking every day. I'm telling you, if you look at the relationships that were broken during the Covid time. There is someone, as he said, there is a point he gave and he said, there is someone who just loves Ram, who is on TV. And they believe because he is on TV, he has money. He has a mentality, he has money. Ram has money, he has money. So there is that mentality of people like with. They look at you, they define, we are mesota, we are Juana, we are in this hotel, we are in this hotel. So they define you according to that. But the question is, how many will be with you the time that you have nothing? Even friends, I don't want to do relationship, I don't want to base it. Other family members, the day they know that Ram has money. You know the problem is, you don't even know who to call. Exactly, because even if you call them, you're not sure whether they are still your friends at that particular time. I know I have not been married for long, but I can tell you, money, actually when you're with a sober person and when you're sober, you realize money makes a very small percentage of your marriage, your relationship. As long as the two of you are true to each other and you have, you even forget that you don't have money. I can give you an example. Before I got married, actually I was sharing this with my husband. Every time a guy would approach me, and the first thing you tell me is about your job, it's about what you do for me, that was a turn off. Out of idea. By the moment we start with that, we are done. What if you ask, what do you do for a living? I breathe oxygen for a living. That's me. I breathe oxygen. Because we live in life where it's your bank account that is talking on your behalf. There is a pastor I love listening to, and there was a time when he was saying, schools adapt to candle dates. I was dressed in a certain way. I have represented my body. I don't know how much to eat or how much to sleep. That is the sort that we are living in today. But how many can you tell today? How? Anything but I love you. What do you do when you invest money in somebody and you feel like you wasted it all and it is breaking you every single day? At first when I invested, I felt like I lost everything. But as I continued maturing, you know what I told myself, that was just charity. Because at some point in life, I have also been helped. So I turned that around for my sake, not for him, but for my sake. At some point in your life, somebody also did charity. Not really charity. Because I had something. To be honest, everybody, before COVID, most of us were stable. So when COVID came, most of us were unstable. And somehow someone came in and helped us. So for me, I appreciate that. So to me, at the time that I was helping him, it's okay, I was just helping just a normal human being. But it did not come easily. It had already hurt me. He had already left me in a mental hospital. So I almost went mad. But imagine, I count all that joy. Because if I did not go through that, today, I was with my husband. It is what has led you to where you are. Yes, I was with him. Nowadays, I look back. Have you ever looked back and said, God, I thank you for what you have done to me. But at that moment, when you are going through it, you will see that I have lost everything. But the moment now, you get to a certain place in life. You know, you start seeing now what you have been able to achieve. Even you mature mentally. It is very difficult for someone to hurt me right now. You went through the school of character development. So you grow a thick skin. You grow, you know, life is hard. So right now, it is very difficult for someone to hurt me. I have not seen that I cannot be hurt. But I cannot go back where that guy left me. He says, yeah, I cannot go back there. But then, still, I come to you, Lawrence, and you respond. Will you ask for your money back? No. Lawrence, you respond now. So now, the thing is, at the end of the day, the foundation, people tend to run away from this reality. The aspect of finance, the way she is saying, is very, very much important. As far as the relationship is concerned. Why? Because you need to have this discussion from the very onset. Remember, finance is really a role in romance. When I say, no, finance without romance. Why generation size? So we cannot run away from the reality. So the thing is, you realize, in most cases, the reason as to why, after investing heavily in a person, the moment this person tends to hurt, break you, it really weighs you down. Because, to some extent, we are doing this thing as if we are buying loyalty. Yeah. You want something in return, so you spend money. Exactly. So you're doing this, hoping that this person will remain loyal to you. But money cannot buy you love. Exactly. It cannot. But it can only facilitate love. You want to come back against Electra? Money cannot buy love. But it can facilitate love. What do you mean by facilitate? Truth be told, come as easy. After come on and out and all those kind of things. In order for you to impress somebody in this generation, let's be realistic. Let's be very much realistic in my generation now. You need money. We need money. We need to spend something at the end of the day. Should you ask for this money back? You say, I spend money on you. I don't want to spend money on you as easy. Or I'll give you my long messages finally. I can't believe I wasted money on you. I love that is when they called you a gold digger because I know that you'll give me money. You'll give me fair. You'll give me rent. You'll give me pedicure. You'll give me money. You'll give me money to buy a house. You'll give me money to shop. You'll give me money to buy school fees. The thing is, you realize it is a question of the foundation. When you are doing all these kind of things, did we have a discussion about this? That this is the boundaries. These are the limits. So remember, there are no bad people in relationships. It's a question of the foundation. What was the foundation when you are doing all these things? What was the intention? What was the motive behind all these? Maybe you don't need your help. You will end up wasting your time. But in reality, this person is very much comfortable. Very much comfortable there. You try to think that we are working as a team. So you realize it is so whenever someone has a commodity, someone has a source, they can be able to manipulate you. They can be able to use your love against you. Because you realize, I don't know the story, but you realize that person, to some extent, they are manipulative. And they tend to first track the process and introduce it even to the family. I saw that you feel so much secure. And as a matter of fact, ladies tend to give more whenever the environment is so much secure and futuristic, promising them. That kind of a person is for you now to sit them down and ask them, do I feature anywhere in their plan? Even don't ask for a long time. Even five months alone. If you don't feature anywhere, do not go ahead investing into them. And the thing is, do not even get potential the way you are just saying. I don't want to promise you tomorrow this thing. The reality is we tend to get potential. But also check on their patterns. Whenever they have been doing their projects, how has it been? You say, what is my rage? When you win by pattern, are you saying that we should also ask about their previous or past relationships and get a pattern from that too? By the way, most definitely, for example, like today, let me say I have more than three baby mamas. Then I approach a lady. I want a long-term relationship. What makes you think that you are special as a lady? More than those people? You need premium piercings. Exactly. So if somebody wants three baby mamas, don't. Even two. What makes you think you are special? You get. I want us to take a break. The air is on my neck today. But we've posted a question on our Facebook page. Do you have any idea how much break-up is going on on Facebook? It's going on on Facebook. I'm in Nairobi. Do you have any idea how much break-up is going on on Facebook? That is the question that has been posted on our Facebook page. Actually, it's going on Facebook. You see, you have my neighbours and I make you suddenly happy. To talk to us, we shall sample your feedback after we come from this break. Drop in your comments on our Facebook page and, of course, let us know where you're watching us from. Alan Lawrence is here in studio, ladies and gentlemen. And, of course, also, Emma Jerry joining me today in this particular conversation. We'll take your short break. We'll be back in a bit. Keep it Power Talk. Why 254? Imagine. Handling break-up is the conversation that we are having today right here on Power Talk. My name is Ram Agucco. If you're just joining us, we want to talk about how we can be able to help each other. You know, we are having this conversation today. I'm with Alan Lawrence, ladies and gentlemen. And, of course, Emma Jerry joining me in the studio today, giving us their experience and their thoughts in regards to this. And, as I said earlier on, you can give us your thoughts about this particular conversation. Head over to our Facebook page tomorrow. It's up on our Facebook platform. And, of course, that's at why254 to Mosa Pali. You know, where we would be in a break-up, Emma, would I have enough really, really soco tonight? Would I have enough really soco tonight? You know, by soco, we mean, of course, really, the market. That's the question that we are asking this particular Thursday morning. Timothy, Zicotiari. We can bring them up. And, of course, let me read this is That is a that is a this is a and of course Angel to to from course I want to count me in no idea a few more of your comments coming up your way the break up summaries and the right and wrongs. It's a good game. I'm more cheerful. Hey, what's up guys? It's Basque here. I don't know what to say. He's a bit of a stress. Who are you? I'm Jerry Siaya County. I'm Frank Rogan. Hello, I'm Frank. I'm watching from Meru. There is this girl we used to date almost two years. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. There is this girl we used to date almost two years. But one day she asked for a break up and after a few weeks she did that unknowingly. But I don't want to go back to her because she really broke my heart. And I used to do the same. Emma said she did. What can I do to forget her? Because she's always in my mind. Emma, you can respond to this. This is Frank Morgan. I'm watching from Meru. First of all, Paul Estana, Frank. But I think the part of forgetting, you might not be able to forget. But ask yourself what lesson can you take from that? And how can you use it to help you grow more? But I love that when the lady left, she now wants to come back. I don't know. Because when the lady left, she was very shy. But the lady brought him someone else. And then later on regrets. But I wonder also how could he accept the other lady later? He's also contradicting himself. But the point is, again I'm also proud of the lady who just said I need to do this and walk out. Because instead of hurting someone, it's better you walk out. And again tell them why you want to go back. Nowadays we are so good at using the block button or the blue ticking and stuff. But if you don't feel you're not happy with someone, it's always good to let them go. Sometimes they say if you love something, let it go, set it free. Instead of kushikamu too, maybe you have someone else. But maybe what I can tell Frank, he did not even take time. I can tell for sure he doesn't love the other girl. Because his heart was still with this girl. And you cannot tell me that now you love someone else. I know there is this joke going around. But the reality is, heart people, they hurt others. If I leave one relationship because I'm heart, I go to the other one. Definitely I'm going to hurt the other person. So should he actually leave both ladies now? I think he needs time for himself. He needs time because he will end up hurting this other lady. Who may be innocent in this case? And he will end up hurt. Alam, maybe you can respond to a fellow brother. Men's conference in Apujan. Okay, Frank you need to understand that nobody just wakes up and leaves you instantly or breaks you instantly. They broke up with you long time ago. They were just looking for an opportune time so that they can be able to manifest what they have moved on. Now the thing is, the way Emma was just saying take time to validate and love the person in the mirror more so that you can be able to know what you really want out of a relationship. Because just like now you will be sleepwalking. If you get into this relationship you will be hurting this lady. And yet this lady did not, at any given time, hurt you. So do not end up bleeding on a person who did not hurt you. So take some time off, concentrate more. Love on yourself so that you know what really works for you and what does not work for you. Do not let a person push a relationship down your throat. You are so mature to know what you want and what you need in your life. Some KE and some heartbreaks in this generation, Nikita, we should take as a part of life. So loving too much will lead to a bigger heartbreak. So always leave a big room for heartbreak no matter how big the love is. And that is what I am watching from Ruma. Do you agree with that? Not really. Loving people more than the idea they have about themselves will end up making them even rebel the kind of love you are giving them. Because this person does not have a personal value system for themselves. So if you tend to love them beyond how they think they should be loved they will rebel your love. That is why they will tend to do a lot of things that will cause a lot of pain unto you. So you are saying, ok, tend to love them beyond how they think they should be loved. Not how they think they should be loved. Because if you love them too much they will rebel. And you know it is a question now it boils down to one thing. What is their love language and what is your love language? And where do we meet? Because if your love language is quality time no matter how many gifts I can give you it might not make sense unto you. But if you are broken after spending a lot of money that is what you are saying. When ladies love, they love Kambisa. The thing is that is why we love Kambisa. It is just like today we are in Kimbia. It is just like climbing a wrong mountain successfully. Yes you are on top of there but now it is not your mountain. What I am trying to say is you need to understand what is my love language how do I perceive love and how do this person perceive love so that we can be able to see if I am giving them enough love or if I am doing it overboard the same way I am just saying even if your love language is quality time that is why we don't buy you gifts even if I come to you and you give me gifts. Emma you talk about you love like you give room for heart breaks. I think that is wrong. It is wrong. And as much as it is wrong that is what is happening in our society. And I was having a conversation I was having a conversation with my sister and I was telling her how nowadays we have this group of women who are independent women we can do without these men there is also a group of men who are senior bachelors senior bachelors So nowadays we are married but we have one leg inside but in the case of Kuma let me tell you it starts from the mind so the moment we are in a relationship I am in marriage with one leg inside it is like we are on your mark like anytime you can, you can go I am telling you the truth you start seeing those things you start getting the reasons you are dating but you are in the case of Kitu if I am not I had room for heart breaks in the case of Kitu if I am not the moment you are like this it will happen and the moment it happens you will be out and when you are out you have had someone else who had given their all to be in that marriage and in that relationship but now look at it the other way round what if I get into marriage wholeheartedly like an example I just got married the other day you know what sometimes let's say you are married but sometimes you are married but you are married and at the end of the day you are in the same house so if you are not married that is your problem because you will have to see me that day but if you are married that is what I am telling you like I am saying this joke that is going around about the aspirant there was a guy who was married then the Kenyans were putting on him he said I will get married so that is how many of us are in marriage I will get married I will get married I will get married with the wrong motives and the wrong mentality and also I am sorry to say but many ladies and also men we have to adore our jobs too much and money we have let me tell you as he said money will never give you love money will never give you children I am sorry to say you need a man let me tell you Ram and I am sorry to say this we have seen very wealthy men dying we are not just billions of money out here so if money was that powerful we would have lost our say we would have died so why do we really we need to worship we need to worship because this is the manner for marriages and relationships look at our parents for example they are marriages but they are based on nothing in Monaca and they get married and they get married and they get married but for us simply because we go to a bedside until we let me first go to my mother's house to manage I will come back that is the society we are living in today but how about now without doing things the other way around why can't we accept the reality of life why can't we accept who we are why can't we accept who we are please don't marry me let's also be the other way around so we men let's also mature up you say you cannot marry a man without a car let's search from there it took your father 6 years to buy a car and expecting of 25 years old to have a car are you even serious your father rent a house for 50 years when he was 28 are you even being realistic but now there is the social media life that we see there is the the life that people have created but I'm sorry to say but ground between different by the exact we need to all accept that if relationship is on the foundation of feelings feelings come and go feelings are very much fake relationship is a commitment we are committing towards a fulfilling a common agenda we are all of us focused on one vision if it is marriage we are working out this thing together it is as united against the world but if we let other things come it will break us apart you could consider and all those kind of stuff it should be there to strengthen your relationship not to break you apart and I couldn't remember if we were in a relationship I'm 50-50 or you are out I'm seeing so many questions on our social media handle but first I want us to go back to our friend Frank from Meru I have two more comments correction please that the lady she brought she didn't accept her the lady she brought she didn't accept her but later on she came back to say I am sorry as I'm talking to her be very much careful if you forgive an ex why? because already this lady is an ex Frank this person understands your weakest point this person understands your strength this person will break you when you least expect because what is so unique about you Ananda and Arudi because as Amalisa she accomplished the mission so for me Frank my advice is drop it like it's hot let's go to Miriam Miriam my question is Nikona husband and we are married but every time to Kikosana he insults me until you think you are in hell does that signal that there will be a break up one day first of all before when Emma gets in already if this person insults at the end of the day if you commit at some point when you least expect my advice will be I don't mean to divorce separate for some time or secondly engage an authority figure in this relationship because today we are having a crisis because men we don't have a person we are accountable to but a person is not under authority can never be an authority over you because this person to a point where we don't know this person does not even respect you as a human being in the first place wow wow wow I advise Miriam and Alisa the husband every time they have a problem he insults him he feels as if she feels as if she is in hell is it a sign that there will be a break up one day they are married my opinion whatever he says when he is angry that is exactly who who she is to him when I say I don't know I don't know but sometimes we say things when you don't mean them but let me tell you the truth Ram when you are angry is when you say the truth for example if you don't want to maybe when you are sober you don't want to hurt me so you will keep on saying nice things by the day you will be angry whatever has been in your heart have you and your heart ever insulted this other? insulted I know I cannot call it insults I cannot call it insults there is no insult there is no reality check there is no reality there is no reality there is no reality but again it depends but again it depends for example for us we don't call it arguments or whatever this is a point of discussion you have done this let's talk about it let's lower our tones or whichever tone we are going to use but at the end of the day we have to come up with a solution we have not reached to a point of insulting each other calling each other names because the moment you call me a certain name when you are angry then I will say that's how you perceive me that's how you perceive me I don't know if it's true or not if it's true or not then I will say it's true so now Emma I think we need to talk about two rounds of this conversation Emma I am asking this question somebody who is married and they have an argument want her to see Anna is it a sign that they will break up that what Dachan has come on it depends with someone because as for me I cannot allow someone to be insulting me and also to be making me feel like I have no value or rather making me feel or rather in short affecting my self esteem the moment it reaches to that point I will just take a step back because if I know who I am I will not allow anyone else to define me they are married what do you mean when you say a step back they are married let's tell each other the truth I know people use the Bible code that says that God hates divorce but God does not hate the divorce you cannot stay in a toxic relationship because you want to prove a point I will give a good example my mom I remember when I was a young girl I was very young but I remember that this is what my dad used to do the insults I always remember those things but now the question that can come up is what if my mom still stayed there where will I be today even mentally where will I be today sometimes it is good to walk away it is better to walk away when you can still walk rather than in a cascade I think for the sake of our viewers I am not going to continue with what I had planned to do I am not going to continue what I want to do is I am going to just get the questions from our social media handle because now the questions are so many I can say that someone has taken a photo of us at Pali Facebook this is Komex Christian and someone tuned in from Rongo thank you so much Christian now let me move to another question there are so many this is Maxia Godfrey the question for Miriam will say that she should get an authority figure to talk to them and then if that doesn't work then love yourself more love yourself it is better to walk alive than Maxia Godfrey no no this is Jboy hello I am Jboy from South B and for sure I am learning a lot thank you so much Jboy for me we had a few differences sat down and decided to take a break we have learned a lot because the moment you communicate with your partner things flow if you have got different goals learn to accommodate each other and always be there for each other remember we are in perfect let's always embrace each other love is not one plus one love it's all about ups and downs lows and highs and everything if it's you to take the driver's seat and take the other partner to the destination you have to be sober let me go to Eric Jorog hello I am Eric we broke with my girlfriend 2 months ago after 3 years of dating simply because she discovered I had a kid I accept my mistakes how will I deal with that since I was born I may introduce to my family and they know her I am unable to heal from that heartbreak I cannot abandon my kid because of her Eric, what is this? hey Eric don't talk to me it's good to say the truth so that you don't accept the way you are imagine it will cost you nothing it will cost you nothing to tell the other person the truth and if they love you they love you for who you are if they don't want to love you at that point rather than staying with someone for 3 years I have been dating for 3 years it's a very long time I am very honest I have been dating just the way you are I have been dating for 3 years let me tell you when the child is in play always let your partner know that you have a child let me tell you I have been dating when I was a kid the thing is it is a sensitive issue especially the way he is saying if you hide your own blood to this lady what more can you do so you give this lady more reasons as to why she might end up having trust issues with you so you rather open up and I don't mean just on the first date you open up about everything because the moment you open up about everything on the first date when the relationship is over you will end up losing it see how this person conceptualizes information see their maturity, see their wisdom and see how and when can you introduce the aspect that I have a child from a previous relationship but if you are looking at spending the rest of your life with this person there are some things you might not end up hiding because if you are looking seriously at a point of spending the rest of your life with this person you are not hiding let me go to Miriam what is Miriam's case again the one with the husband the husband is also emotional yeah, yeah, yeah to add on that he doesn't listen to me when you are there correcting him when you are there correcting him and on Geza Volume TV and he says if you are looking for money and you are looking for money and you are looking for money I will take it that is already that is a person who is having issues I don't want to judge so much but that is a person, the man has issues that he has not come to reality with them and does not trust this person, they don't look at a point of having a discussion committing themselves towards this relationship to ensure that the relationship works so at that point you realize this person, for Miriam she needs to understand that the covenant of life is more important than the covenant of a relationship or rather marriage you have an input on that Emma yes, I also feel we are not judging but I also feel like the man is a bit rude but also you can never solve anything when someone is angry always give it time let him first of all calm down also you calm down so that you can be able to have a sober conversation but you cannot have a sober conversation how can you deal with toxic marriages even after sitting down and talking there is no change just live I'm sorry to say that but just live if if there is a problem what do you do because you will end up even losing your life it's not worth it for me she just needs to be careful of what she is tolerating because you are empowering this person on how they should treat you you are telling them that I deserve to be treated as trash the question is with the investment you've put in yourself with the value system and the support system you've been having is it worth for you to continue staying there if it is worth make a right decision guys we are out of time so many questions so many things to handle but we are out of time so this is what we are going to do next week we are going to continue with this conversation about dealing with heartbreaks because I'm seeing people are interested in this particular conversation they may not be there for that one but we are going to see how we are going to do this again next week and of course a big thanks to thank you so much for coming thank you so much thank you for coming thank you so much remember I repeat of this show as again tonight at 10pm part two of handling relationships when it comes to breakups as again next Thursday at 11am let's finish this show with a quote letter of duty when love is lost do not bow your head in sadness instead keep your head up high head up high and gaze into heaven for that is where your broken heart has been sent to heal do you agree with that? tell us what you think about it my name is Ram Aguko this is Power Talk