 Family Theatre presents William Bendix, Harold Perry, and Nancy Gates. From Hollywood, the Mutual Network and Cooperation with Family Theatre presents The Fable of the Perfect Princess, starring William Bendix, Harold Perry, and Nancy Gates. To introduce the drama, here is your host and narrator, William Bendix. Thank you, Tony LaFerno. Family Theatre's only purpose is to bring to everyone's attention a practice that must become an important part of our lives if we are to win peace for ourselves, peace for our families, and peace for the world. Family Theatre urges you to pray, pray together as a family. And now to our drama, The Fable of the Perfect Princess, starring Harold Perry as the king and Nancy Gates as the princess, and featuring Verna Felton as the queen and Billy Balkam as Sir William. Once upon a time in a far-off country, a baby was born. Nothing so strange about that, you might say. And you'd be right. Except that this baby was the first born of a very important king. Would you like to see your heir, your majesty? Ah, yes, my queen. Cute little dickens, isn't he? Yeah, let me hold a little touch. Oh, careful. You know, I think I'll name him after me. Albert II. Be as fine a king as I am. But your majesty, didn't you know this child will never be king? No. No. It's a girl. A girl? Well, that's nice. A girl! Back in those days, they didn't know that girls were every bit as good as boys. You see, this was a long time ago. But Albert was a just king. A girl? Well, what if she is a girl? By George, I'll see to it that she's the wisest, most intelligent princess that ever lived. That when on the time comes, she'll be as good a ruler as the people could want. And King Albert was true to his word. Through the years that followed only the greatest teachers were hired to instruct the beautiful princess Diane in music, in mathematics, and in all the other arts and sciences. And she was an excellent student. In fact, she was as beautiful as any girl had ever been, and much more intelligent. And whenever a grand ball was held, nights would come hundreds of miles to pay their respects and have a try at capturing her heart. But no matter how hard they tried, not a one of them ever did, till one night. And this, your majesty, is... Oh, yes, of course. Sir Humphrey. Oh, you remember me, your majesty? Of course I do. We met three years ago at my 18th birthday party. I believe you had a slight cold then. I do hope you're fully recovered. Why, why, yes, I did. Thank you very much. And, sir Gledon, your majesty. Most certainly. How'd you do, your majesty? I think the occasion was the grand ball eight years ago. I heard about your accident, sir Gledon. You fell from a bridge in full armor. How are you feeling? Well, aside from a slight ring sensation quite well, I go, I'm proud that your majesty should remember me. And, sir William, from one of the western kingdom. Howdy, ma'am. Sir William, uh, wasn't it... Oh, no, no, ma'am. You've never met me. Well, then I'm pleased to have this opportunity. It's mutual, I'm sure. Well, if you'll excuse me, I'd better be getting along. Goodbye, Gled, Humphrey. It's nice meeting you, princess. I say he seems rather to be leaving. What an extraordinary thing to do. Well, from all accounts, your highness, sir William is not a very ordinary young man. No. No, he certainly isn't. Well, what else did you find out about him, mother? Oh, I don't see what you see in him. And there are so many kings and princes around, just begging you to look their way. That's just it. He's so, well, so different. He's the first man I've met since I was 15, who, well... Hasn't proposed? Well, maybe he's married. That's what you'll have to help me find out. I don't know about this. Oh, please, mother. What do you want me to do? Well, he knows me, but he doesn't know you. So, if you'll just... There are horse dance deals. Who horse you've got there? Uh, thanks. Uh, gift from your wife, perhaps? Got him at his Christmas bonus a couple of years ago. Oh. Well, what's his name? Name? Hadn't got a name. No name. What do you call him? Horse, mostly. That's rather strange. Not at all. You see, this way everything's on an impersonal basis. Strictly business. Chances are, if we were friends, we'd always be imposing on each other. In this business, that can be fatal. So, you just call him horse? Horse. Was it your wife's idea? My idea. Nice morning, isn't it? Looks bright. Most mornings are. I meant your horse. He seems to be very intelligent. Is this the horse on which you performed all your deeds of bravery? You must be thinking about somebody else, man. But you are Sir William. That's my name. But I've heard about some of the things you've done. Just doing my job. Not much bravery involved. You've never been afraid? Well, just once when I was on a fishing trip over in Scotia, ran into a thing they call a Loch Ness Monster. Then you were afraid for your lady, I suppose? By myself, fishing trip. I was just afraid for a minute, then it got mad. He upset my boat and made me lose the biggest lake trout you ever saw, like this long. My. Someday I'm going to go back and knock his teeth out. The fish? No, the monster. Oh. Well, I suppose the tail would make a fine prize for your lady. No. You don't have a lady? The thing didn't have a tail. I seem to remember it having a head at each end. Well, I suppose you could take back something to your wife or sweetheart. Had horns, didn't he? All over. Well, one of them would make a nice trophy for a loved one. Well, maybe, but I don't really have any loved ones. No wife or anything? Nope. Oh, that's splendid. Well, what do you mean? Look, ma'am, I don't mean to be rude, but don't you think you're a little too old for me? Oh, my goodness. I wasn't thinking of myself, sir William. I was speaking for the Princess Diane. Princess Diane? She wants you to wear her colors at the Royal Joustling Matches next Saturday. Wear her colors? No, no, no, no ma'am, I couldn't do that. Oh, but any night the kingdom would give his right teeth to wear her colors. No, she's too perfect for me. You see, come a little closer, will you? I don't want this to get around too much. No, no, no, of course. What is it? I'm not a very good knight. No. Let me explain it to you, you see. At furthermore, he said he wouldn't dare have anything to do with you, but for me to tell you diplomatically. Did he really say that? Well, confounded Henrietta, why didn't you put it diplomatically? With my own daughter. What is that tin-plated Casanova want? She speaks 10 languages, never forgets a name or a face, knows music and all the other arts and sciences, hasn't made a mistake in grammar since she was three years old. That's what Sir William said. Well, what does he want? He says I'm too perfect. He seems to think just having you around would give him an inferiority complex, whatever that is. Well, if he'd pass up a girl like you, he obviously hasn't got good sense. Put him out of your mind, my dear. Oh, but Father, I think I'm in love with him. Nonsense, put him out of your mind. That's an order. I don't want to hear of the matter again. The Princess Diane was an obedient girl, and so she cried very hard to put Sir William out of her mind. But she couldn't do it. So instead she moped. And because she was much loved by the people of the kingdom, all who saw her also began to mope in sympathy. So finally, the king could stand it no longer. All right, all right. I give up. If this man means so much to you, then by George, you'll get it. Summon the royal wizards. Oh, no, the problem, fellas. Is there an answer? Love potion or something? Love potion? Well? Your highness, with respects to you, there's no such thing. It's just not true. No such thing? No, miss. From the way it looks, they're only found in storybooks. Well, is there some other way? Oh, yes. There must be some other way. Other way? Well? The only way, your highness, we account for William Shiness is to point out all the items that seem unprone to the item. Unprone? Ooh. Since Diane reached the age of two, she's done more than she ought to do of studying of the universe and differential calculus of art and every other thing till now. She's smarter than the king. Now, see here. You boys can be replaced, you know. We're so sorry to unflatter, but we think that's what's the matter. Well, of course that's what's wrong, but, well, how can we change it? Yes. Have you got any ideas? She's so very nearly perfect that we must be metamorphic. Yep. With her so smart that he feels stupid, there's no single chance for Cupid's soul. As wizards, we'll advise her play it dumb till he grows wiser. In short, one of them's absolutely got to change. You mean we have to make him think he's as good as she is? You've capsulized the answer, king. By doing that, we might solve the thing. But how can we do that? With a jousting match coming up Saturday, I think we can handle it. Nothing illegal now, Father, dear. Illegal? Why, of course not, princess. Never fear. Now I'm doing it then. Get your programs for the jousting matches. Programs here. Come on, Father, we'll miss the start. You go on, my dear. I want to have a word with your mother. All right. Henrietta, you go to the field master and tell him that I want Sir William to fight first, and then the winner to meet all the comers. All comers? No, no, human beings could. Keep your voice down. He'll fight every night here. But there are 25 of the best. He can. Of course he can, unless he gets some help. Here, take this money and pay every night with Sir William to lose. Oh, a jousting fix? Exactly. If this doesn't make him feel perfectly good enough for our daughter, I'll eat my crown. Coming, Father? I am very long, Henrietta. I'm coming. This afternoon's tournament will be the Lance Charge. Sir Gledon matched against Sir William from the Western Kingdom. Doesn't he look wonderful? He'll look even better later. Look, here they come. Sir William of the Western Kingdom, who will now be matched against Sir Newton. Something for your e-five of your best nights. Nothing like it has ever happened before. Wasn't he just wonderful? Well, I paid, he should have been. Pardon me? And? I said a man like that will always win. Are really, Princess Diane, we're never going to get finished unless you give me your attention. Oh, yes, yes, I'm sorry. Uh, what's all this? Well, he's helping me learn some things, Father. Oh, perhaps, Your Highness, we should say unlearn. Unlearn? Oh, no, as I like that. Well, it was Mother's idea. That reminds me, you haven't seen the Queen. Oh, indeed I have. Nice-looking woman. I met this evening. Oh, this evening. No, Your Highness. Is she missing? Haven't seen her since the matches. Nothing to worry about, though. I'll go see if she's back yet. You get on with what you're doing. Now we'll try a terrible thing. A very imperfect, a plural, first-person pronoun with a singular verb. Now, after me, uh, we was. We was. Again? We was. Sounds positively horrible. Now we'll try it with a double negative. Now then, we wasn't doing nothing. We wasn't doing nothing. That's terrible. Here, here, here. Is that what you mean by unlearning? I'll not have it. That's one thing up with which I refuse to put. Oh, but, Father, it will prove to Sir William that I'm... You don't just leave it to me. Now, I'll see that you get this young man without having to stoop to such a... To such a... Uh, Skull Duggery? Exactly. Skull Duggery. You just leave it to me. We wasn't doing nothing. After the education she's had... Albert! Henrietta, where have you been? You didn't do your job too well, my dear. Some of our boys put up too good a fight. Putting air, beat him a couple of times. Here's your money. My money? Not one of our boys would take a bribe. Sir William beat them all by himself. I hope I'm not intruding. Oh, no, of course not, Your Highness. Come on in and make yourself at home. Thank you. Now, look, Sir William. Just what is it you don't like about my daughter? I beg your pardon. You know what I mean. You wouldn't wear colors at the matches today. Why, confounded when a princess asks tonight to wear colors? It's almost tantamount to a proposal of marriage. Well, yes, sir. I know that. Well, you'll never find a better woman if I do say so myself. What do you want? Egg and your... Now, just a minute, Your Highness. Don't misunderstand me. I think your daughter's all you say she is. She's the most beautiful princess I've ever seen. And without a doubt, so gracious and intelligent, she's almost, uh, almost... Almost perfect. That's it. The princess Diane's wonderful. And I think I'd fall in love whether if we spent any time at all together. But hang it all. Would you want to marry a perfect woman? You see, what I mean just wouldn't work out. Will you excuse me? I'd like to talk this over with some friends of mine. So that's what the situation is. Seems terribly hopeless, doesn't it? Quiet there. Let the wizards think. Seems perfection is the rub to him. It makes our chances mighty slim. Yes, yes, I know. There ought to be something. She's no more perfect than I am. You need not go to such extremes. She's much more perfect, so it seems. Wait a minute. If he really thinks he isn't a good knight, then we could tell him I've got poor judgment because I think he's an excellent knight. Uh, that's not good enough. Aha! By gum we've seen the light. We know how we might win this fight. How? What is it? When Sir William admitted he shouldn't be near her for fear that he'd fall, then he made it quite clear, sir. That's right. All we have to do is get him together for a while. But how can we do that? How? Well, we'll put her in danger so fraught up with fright that Sir William alone out of all of the knights will have courage enough to go to her rescue. Now won't this plan work? Now won't it? We ask you. Oh yes, it sounds wonderful. We'll have to make me seem helpless. Absolutely helpless. Nothing really dangerous, you understand. Oh, there'll have to be some danger, father. Well, letting him feel masterful won't hurt a bit either. Let's get our heads together and come up with something really awful. And while Sir William slept peacefully in his bed, a king, three wizards, and a beautiful princess conspired to change the course of his life. Then just before dawn, the light in the northeast tower went out. And soon after that, the princess came riding out of the palace courtyard, down the street's mouth with main gates of the city. I'm coming. Wait a minute. Hurry. Well, what is it, pardon? Oh, it wasn't supposed to work out this way. It's all not at all. What wasn't supposed to work out this way? What's wrong? The princess Diane has run off or been carried away or something, or it's just dreadful. Carried away? Well, it really wasn't the plan. Oh, I know something just terrible, Sir William. Where are you going? To see the king. Wait for me. And that was the plan these wise men and I had thought up. But she didn't use it. She said it wasn't dangerous enough. Pretty low trick. She left this note. It's not so long. It only mentions where she's gong. Gong? That's C. Says she's gong to the valley of the dragon. But there's no such thing as a dragon. That's right. On that we all agree. A dragon simply could not be. Then what's all excitement about? Tell him, fellows. Alas, though science tends to show the dragon theory is just not so, one dragon doesn't know this fact. Therefore it's alive and quiet intact. How about it, Sir William? Will you bring her back? I'll see that you get the richest reward you can think of. Well, that's really not necessary. You'll go then? Yeah, I'll go. But there isn't any such thing as a dragon. They simply don't exist. Now, up to Sir William's time, there had always been some conjecture regarding the existence of dragons. After his time, there wasn't any. Don't misunderstand us. We're not claiming the knight actually killed the last dragon on earth. In fact, we don't claim he killed one at all. But nonetheless, the facts are there. You can find them in any history book. Well, some history books. That is, somewhere there's a history book with these facts in it. About two hours after Sir William left for the Valley of the Dragon, the people saw a great cloud of steam rise in the east. But of course, though it looked like it might have been made by a dragon, it could have been caused by some farmer's wife in the hill country as she prepared a hot bath for her husband. And then after that, there was the sound of a great roaring and bellowing such as an angry dragon might mean. But that might only have been the farmer discovering his bathwater was a little too hot as he seated himself in the tub. And then the sound of a great fight came forth. So great it caused the mountainous pollen dust that nearly covered the kingdom. But that might have only been the farmer and his wife in the little family discussion on the manner of preparing a bath. A sound of muffled thunder such as a dragon might make when falling to earth, mortally wounded, might have been only, well, muffled thunder. But there was one thing. As Sir William rode out of the valley with the princess before him in the saddle, he was wearing the look of a man who had just been through a great ordeal. An ordeal that could only have been. To think you proposed to me. Well, I suppose it does take a lot out of some men to propose. I guess I knew it from the beginning and tried to fight it, but it was bigger than either one of us. Oh, was it? We'll make beautiful music together, you and I. Back in those days, this line was brand new. Oh, and you risked your life to save me without any hope or reward. Yeah. There wasn't any reward, was there? Was there? Well, there was. You, you beast. Get off this horse and never speak to me again. But you heard me. But it's my horse. Besides, we're almost there. We'll settle this when we see your father. In those days, good news traveled fast. In fact, almost as fast as bad news does today. So as the nighting princess Diane rode into the palace grounds, they found a great celebration awaiting them. The king and queen, the wise men, all the state dignitaries and thousands of citizens were gathered to rejoice at the safe return of the couple. And it had the makings of a marvelous celebration till the king happened to say... Well, daughter, dear, you had a couple of hours with him on the way back. Did he, uh, pop the question? Yes. But I wouldn't marry him if he were the last man on earth. If I were the last man on earth, I'll bet you would. I would not. Dear, here now. Now, dear, isn't that what you wanted? He only saved me for the reward. The beast. Oh, everything happens to me. I refuse to take any reward. I absolutely refuse. Cut that. Hold on. Wait just a minute. We've got a thought. Let's see what's in it. Well, spit it out, fellows, and the better be good. We'd rather whisper what we've got. It's the best idea we've ever thought. What is it? Well... I wish... Yeah. Your highness. Don't listen to him, father. Yes, sir, William. You promised me the finest reward I could think of for rescuing your daughter. That's true. All right, sir. I asked for your daughter, the hand of Diane, and marriage. And so they were married. And, strangely enough, lived happily ever after. Now there is a moral to this story. In fact, there are several. One of them might be... Don't ever let your daughter get smarter than you are, unless you can afford top-flight wise men. And another would be... You can sometimes get a man to propose by simply wearing him out. And yet another moral. Worse things can happen to you than marrying a princess. But the real moral of the story would be this one. No one on earth include Diane can lay claim to perfection. And if sir William thought she could consider that affection can seduce men's eyes obscuring faults for certain. And when that happens, friends, it's love. On that, we drop the curtain. Thank you. And this is Bill Bendix again. There was a line in our story this evening that made everything come out all right. Do you remember it? It was, and they lived happily ever after. Now... How do you know, Bill? Well, how do I know what? I mean that they lived happily ever after. Well, I just know that's all. Can you prove it? Now listen here, Harold Perry. I know they lived happily ever after. Because I was telling a story. When I'm telling a story, what I say goes, see? You don't have to get so steamed up about it, you fat old goat. Who's fat? Seriously, friends, I'd like to draw a little parallel for you. A storyteller is responsible to the characters he creates in a story. And those characters depend on the storyteller for everything they need. Now, in a sense, that's like man's relations to God. We were created by God, and we are dependent on him for everything. But unlike the characters in a book, we can ask our creator for what we need. In fact, we should. And I suppose most of us do through prayer. Prayer is our way of talking to God, of getting the things we really need by appealing directly to our creator. Things like peace of mind, security for our families, or peace in the world. Family theater has always advocated family prayer, because it's more effective. It unifies and strengthens family life. It's just as we say every week on family theater, the family that prays together stays together. More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of. But family theater has brought you William Bendix, Harold Perry, and Nancy Gates in The Fable of the Perfect Princess. Others in our cast were Verna Felton, Billy Borkham, Howard McNeer, Junius Matthews, Bob O'Sullivan, and George Taylor. The script was written by Robert Hugh O'Sullivan, with music composed and conducted by Harry Zimmerman, and was directed for family theater by Joseph F. Mansfield. This series of family theater broadcasts is made possible by the thousands of you who feel the need for this type of program. By the mutual network, which has responded to this need, and by the hundreds of stars of stage screen and radio who give so unselfishly of their time and talent to appear on our family theater stage. To them and to you, our humble thanks. This is Tony Lafranco expressing the wish of family theater, that the blessing of God may be upon you and your home, and inviting you to join us next week, when family theater will present Roddy McDowell, Ruth Hussie, and Lois Butler in Lullaby of Christmas. Join us, won't you? The theater has broadcasted throughout the world, and originates in the Hollywood studios of the world's largest network. This is the mutual network broadcasting systems.