 So today we're going to talk about what high-quality men and high-quality women or high-value men and high-value women respect most in another person and it's this quality and I'm really excited to have in the house my dear friend Patty Tierney who's joining us today who is the author of the book for a good time. It should be called for a good time called Patty By the way the link to get a copy of the book is below So why I'm having Patty join us today is she has a very unique story On her road to self-love and let me just sell you up front. That's the quality We're gonna be talking about is self-love. So do you mind giving everybody a short clip of your life? How did you get to a place of loving yourself? Because I got to the place of loving myself because I did not love myself. Yeah, I went from that I was raised with a mother that was not available. She was an alcoholic and and not home most of the time Oh, can I jump in for a second sure what she's gonna share might be a trigger warning right now? So I'm just giving you this up front. Yeah, you might get triggered from what she's about to share So talk about your mom was an alcoholic found about triggers is that triggers Help us they help us take a look at what we are Triggered to yeah, so it is a benefit. So don't be afraid of it Because it really is a place that you probably need to look at. Yeah, so Yeah, so we're talking about your mom was an alcoholic alcoholic and I was There was a lot of violence in my home her and her Boyfriend that lived with us for a long time And I said to myself one day when she cracked a beer bottle over his head And I saw the blood running down his face and it was very traumatic for a five or six year old And I I knew in that moment that I was going that I had become a people pleaser That I was not gonna let anybody get angry Because I was afraid that it would turn out violent and so that Was my path from that moment on so That and what age is this five five or six five or six. Okay. Yeah, okay, so through my life I I just Didn't have my didn't express what I really felt because I wanted the other person to like me Yeah, like whatever I was going to say and so it took a long time a long time of being with Eventually a group of women that I could relate to and I would look at these women and it's a man These women are just like me. They have the same problems. They have the same stuff But I always had them on a pedestal and wait wait wait. Who are these women goddesses? Okay, the goddess group. Okay, I got it. We'll talk about that a minute a group of women that were They always brought their highest self and they were Amazing spiritual good people that always had something to say and for a long time I said shoot I have a lot to say but I didn't speak up because I always was afraid I was afraid that what I would say wouldn't be enough wouldn't be good enough or they'd already know it and So I just held back and tell One day they challenged me and they said patty we never hear from you what's going on and I said And did they know your backstory? Yes, yeah, okay, cuz I want you to share that with everybody in a moment. There was no secret So on that day, I was given permission They called me out. They called me out and they said let's hear from you. You know, you're so quiet So I started speaking up at that time and it was little by little and now they say now We can't shut you up Anyway, yeah feels really good to be on the other side of this but it takes it takes practice and but it's such a freeing feeling to say what's on your mind instead of stuffing things and the person that you're Saying what's on your mind to Benefits because if we're always pleasing and that's a lie They don't know who you are. So it's really Well, you know one of the principles in my book is speak your truth. Yes do it with kindness Yes, you know and and the point I'm making here and it which patty so eloquently illustrated is we all have something to say in Relationship and when we honor ourselves We're when we love ourselves and honor ourselves Then we should be able to express to those that we love how we feel about ourselves about them about everything in life So so okay patty. Yeah, I want you to get into the nitty-gritty story, okay? Having lived this life of I could come and go as I please because my mom was usually with a boyfriend not home and so I had a lot of street smarts and At one point the fast forward a little bit here I was married and we got into I became the alcoholic that my mother was that I was never going to become Yeah, I did I became her and We got into selling drugs cocaine and that was a big deal Because our life was crazy. It was all about selling indeed and using and I wanted a divorce I really wanted out wait. So you're you and your husband. We're doing my husband I had three children, okay, and I wanted to get sober and so My girlfriend told me no patty You know, you're calling me every night at three o'clock, right? And I said no She said well you are and do you know you're an alcoholic and I said, yeah, I know I am But I didn't know I wasn't aware that I was calling her at three o'clock every morning Wow, but I owned it And she said well if you're willing I'll come up. She lived in Vegas. She was a and she was a diehard girlfriend She was very close from high school on and she drove up to Put me in a hospital now me being crazy wild me that I was at that time I said well shoot. I've got three days to get high higher than ever You know, I wanted to I'm sorry. I shouldn't be laughing. It's true I wanted to have my last hurrah. I wanted to drink more use more and I was I was packing my suitcase with Inappropriate things to go to a hospital. I was so out of it. I didn't know I was putting high heels and Curses and Hospital anyway, she got there and when she got there, I said, what are you doing here? And she said well, I've come to take you to the hospital like we talked about and I said, oh, no, you don't Oh, no, you don't so I started beating her up I started hitting her physically physically and I never hit anyone in my entire life ever and My husband at the time was in the other room and he heard this commotion And he came in and he slugged me in the jaw and knocked me to the floor Hmm, and I said Stevie help me up. Take me to the hospital So that was it's it's funny now looking back on wait who Stevie my girlfriend Oh, her name is Stephanie in the book. Okay. Okay, so So we went to the hospital and we're getting ready to go to the hospital I was all like wait stop on the way. My friends got some pills. So that's the mentality I had there was never enough never enough love in my life never enough alcohol that I chose to Be loved. Yeah, and so I went into the hospital for 21 days and got sober And had counseling and it was good for me. I came out a different person Not entirely yet, but I was on the path to Having my voice I had my voice, but I didn't use it. So I was Things were different. Yeah, I came home from the hospital and how old are you at this point? I was probably See, Rocky was it was 1980. I'm 75 now. By the way, she's 75 years old everyone I want you to look at this. This is what 75 looks like Wait, how long was I 32 32? Okay around there. Yeah, so You went to rehab. Yeah, he did really came back Have and I'm sitting and and he did not Admit he wasn't ready to best up that he was selling drugs and that he was drinking and so I Just he said but I quit and I'm not doing anything and everything's gonna be fine and I said, well if everyone's giving me a chance to have a second chance at this The least I could do is give him a chance. Okay, and I really wanted to be fair. Yeah So within three days, he was break dancing all night long in the backyard and the music was loud And now I walked in on him and he was doing a line of coke. So I think my audience is in shock right now Probably are but this is this was my life back then and it just flipped hundred percent I have changed one hundred percent because I've been working on myself and I love myself now and that's a whole Amazing flip so I told him I wanted a divorce and It would say it over and over when I was drunk. I started drinking again. Let me say this They give you a pill it's called an abuse when you get out of the hospital so that you won't drink because if you do You'll get violently ill and you can go in the hospital. So really? Yeah, okay Abuse so I stopped taking it because I needed a drink to deal with him. I thought so anyway, I Said it sober. I got before I started drinking. I said it sober. I want a divorce I I can't live like this. He was so paranoid from selling and Drinking that he was pointing a gun out the windows and thank you see all those cops in the bushes And if I didn't say yeah, I see him He would drag me out to the backyard and say look up at the sky Pat juice He'd call me Pat his Patty and he would say those aren't stars. Those are cameras. Those are FBI cameras So it was insanity Total insanity. Yeah, so I said well, I'm I need this divorce I want to have a normal life with kids and he said, okay, that's what you want. I'll go So he got in his car And he drove away and I was like, oh my god, is this really happening and 10 minutes later He came back and he said I changed my mind bitch Oh Nobody's going. I'm not going anywhere You and the kids have three minutes to get out or I'll blow you all away. That's what he said. Wow, and he meant it So I gathered the kids Got in the car. I only had $50 to my name. No checkbook. No Sears card because that's what we had back then I remember that my mommy and daddy So driving away I Knew Nothing could be worse than that and no matter what was ahead of me. I was not coming back to no matter what so Not too long There's some things that happened. I borrowed some money from an in-law stated a few in-laws Houses for maybe three weeks and then borrowed some money to rent a place and on the way to getting a job my car broke down and the gas station men said Well, I said well, I don't I think was $300. Yeah, so well I don't have that kind of money But I'll get it if I could just leave my car here I will come back with the cash and pay for it and he said well Here's my card and if you can't it's okay, honey. We can take it out in trade And I was shocked. I was like what wait, did you know what that meant at that moment? I said, what do you mean? I said, could you say that again because I'm not really sure what you mean? I've always been married and a loyal not the cheating type or any of that and so he said Make me happy for an hour and I'll fix your car So I said no, I'm not gonna do that. I'll figure it out So he pressed his card in my hand and I went away and back to my empty place where I lived with no Furniture no money for the kids. I had to get the kids back into school and how old were they at this time The kids were it was on my daughter's birthday that this happened. She was eight years old Okay, so they were it was four eight and nine. Okay like that. Yeah, so It was hard. It really was hard. It was stressful and I wanted so much to be the sober mother that they deserved But under that kind of stress I found myself drinking more to calm calm myself and so I so I did and Three days went by and what am I gonna do? How am I gonna handle this? Okay? Finally, I was up all night and I took a drink in the morning like my mom used to do I started becoming my mother Fascinating how we follow our Amazing. Yeah, so So I What was I took a drink? Oh, yeah So in the morning, so I took a drink of wine and dialed my it was my hand shook I dialed his phone number and said, okay just this once because I need my car to get a job So I so you called the mechanic called them the mechanic and and so It was very hard for me. It was I was even though I was drinking It was so not who I was that I I Was nervous. I was just nervous wreck talking all the way to the motel thing. Oh, you know making small taco Do you have kids? Oh, do you? You know, it was just oh, he said yes, and there's their school and it was crazy. Yeah, we got to the motel and Within 10 minutes Honestly, it was over he got close to me after putting the condom on and it was over hmm, and I just Was like blown away because I thought this was gonna be some big thing that I Had no idea what to do or anything. So I'll on the drive home. I just like Wow, that was easy I'm sorry to laugh Not that it's funny, but it's like yeah, I know I so I said oh good I have my car now and I can I can get it. Oh wait, wait that covered the entire fixing of the car Yeah, he fixed my car. Which was so what did you think like? What did I think I just thought I'm so lucky Honestly, I thought I'm so lucky that I didn't have to have sex with him that here I get my car fixed and it was just Like wow to me and so it was now what's next so I had to look for a job and I was looking for work. Yeah now I Made three hundred dollars in ten minutes. That's how my mind worked because This kind of work is all about the money. We're certainly not doing it for any other reason Yeah, people that get into this work and I wasn't really into it yet but I Had a housekeeping job that was six dollars an hour and I had three kids If you can imagine so I got a phone call from him a few days later and he said, you know, I told my cousin about you Would you like to I'm sure you need money, don't you? And I said no, I don't want to I'm I'll work it out. Anyway, same thing a few days later I didn't have anything and I called him and I said okay so that Seeing his cousin actually turned into 17 years Of prostitution. Wow. Yeah. Yeah that I had no idea that was not me. It wasn't going to be my life it was just um Something that I had to really wrap my head around and be okay with and because I always thought prostitutes were you know wearing boots and Short skirts and walking the streets and had a pimp and all of that So word of mouth, you know from one cousin to the other and and then I I thought oh my gosh I have to be able to not let my kids overhear the conversations when I get a phone call So I got a pager and uh Didn't you say you had business cards? I made that was later. Oh, okay I made business cards later because I always wanted To give my kids the house that they lived in before all this happened I wanted them to have a beautiful home which we had with a swimming pool and two fireplaces I mean it was really nice and so that was what was leading me Uh, unfortunately the more I wanted for my kids material wise it was keeping what I really Really wanted for my kids was a mother that could be present in their lives. And so that was sad. Yeah, so I I did become My mother who was gone all the time So I'll just fast forward a little bit um, I had met when We moved I I did have a boyfriend and we all Moved into a house together to Make it kind of work and that didn't work and uh went through a lot so We rented a house that was Five bedrooms a swimming pool Not a job for but a thing. It was really big, but I wanted everybody under one roof And but it was very expensive. It was so expensive. Can I ask you were you making good money? Not yet Okay, okay, but I had to so I that's when I made Uh, it was on my book. That's when I made the cards that say for a good time Call patty Okay, I didn't know by the way. This is the book and you get a copy of it below by the way stories in here I didn't know another way. I just I was on um Automatic piloted this I was in such Hustle hustle mode, you know, I got to get the money you got to pay the rent Okay, you know all of that and then drinking when and I was drinking to it um, so I Now I got the clients once I got a card because My first one that I met was in the car business. So I thought hmm I'll go to car places and drive in in the morning When before they're working on people's cars and I'll call them over to the car and hand them a card For a good time call patty. They take the card and they go, are you serious? And I would say yeah, I am and it had my phone number on it So someone call me someone but I over the years started building up some regulars and Made the rent somehow, you know So that's you know, I've never asked you this. Have you ever had a really? Like violent experience with anyone or anything overly dramatic or traumatic I I really haven't I I was so lucky they were kind of businessmen looking kind of or managers of car places or I didn't have a problem at once and that's a long time. I know to not have a problem like that For a while. I was terrified to drive to the motels to meet them because I at the beginning I used I used to ask my brother and his wife to ride along with me Wait, did they know what you were doing? Yeah, I told my okay. He came from the same Trashy background. Okay. So you know, so what all right, what turned it around for you? So I met a girl a friend She was a psychic and she I told her I had an epiphany. I said and by the way I was never ever receiving pleasure with sex here I came 50 years old and I had never had pleasure And I told her that and she said patty I have a surprise for you I'm going to take you somewhere if you're willing and I'm not going to tell you where we're going but I know you're going to like it okay, so we went and Walked in and people were greeting us and sponging us with No, what's sage. Yeah sage in the door And there was a man in a Punjumi suit laying on a big tuffet and Anyway, I met a woman there I looked across the room and she was gorgeous She had blonde hair and she was with a very sophisticated man And I saw them interact and I said I want that love Feel their love and I said that's it gave me that so During the I found out it was a tantra workshop. Was that joy? That was joy. Okay. Okay Who was the lady who ended up changing my life, but we met there And so it was so I said out loud to the people Oh Is this about sex and everybody's sort of laughed and yeah, it is And because I didn't know but I was really grateful and Joy and I met on the break in line to get food and she said well, I'm joy Mitchell I guess you've come to the right place after you Because I shared my story with her and so we became close friends and She Hired me eventually as her personal assistant. Okay brought me into her world of What was amazing to me is I couldn't get over the fact that she liked me You know because I didn't really feel that I still had such low self-esteem I felt like wow this lady that I admire so much. I mean she was an author written several books and She had the first woman's tv show cable show on astrology and You know, she was just a wonderful wonderful woman Doing lectures and all of that Um, she hired me as her personal assistant and I got to hang out with her And I got to have this great model for what's possible and that changed my life and she also Created a group of women That there were 11 at the beginning there were 11 women that she handpicked To be in this Group and she called it. Well, they ended up calling it goddess camp And it was One time for every season of the year we get together I wasn't in it at the beginning because There wasn't an opening in those days. It was closed. Okay. And so when joy got sick She she said that she wanted patty me to replace her when she was Was had passed on so that's what I did. Oh, was that that's how that oh, I didn't know that Okay, okay, so keep by the way folks We have a long history together and I know a lot of the backstory, but I forget sometimes the particulars So when joy passed on you Stepped into the group of this group of women and by the way, we're talking about some phenomenal human beings and They there there's a camaraderie. There's a community. There's this Group of just heart-centered women that I've been exposed to so it's one of the reasons why I'm able to do what I do because of this group of both men and women Let me just be clear because a lot of the husbands and boyfriends and peripheral people in the life Part of this group of people but continue with so you joined in going to this group was So I had them all on pedestals And I don't think that's really a good thing to do is put anyone on a pedestal because they're up here You're down here. It doesn't go but that's where I was that they were all better than me. I wasn't good enough I didn't speak up enough. I just wasn't enough Until that one day that I talked about where I did but they brought their highest selves And we talked about All the important things that really matter We talked about truth And eventually I became goddess truth And that was my thing I had lied the first half of my life was all lies And then oh wait, can you quickly share every goddess has a name yours is goddess right tell really quickly There's like goddess, uh heaven on earth goddess love goddess I can't give someone right now goddess I know everybody's bitch name By the way, there's also the alter ego of each goddess, right? Right Yeah, so there's goddesses They they make up their own name. And so that's when I became goddess truth. So that was mine. Yeah So I loved telling the truth. It was so new to me and so challenging And so hard at first But as I did my work and and I and I was creating journals back in the days I started a craft business and I created Gratitude truth and courage journals and I would journal about the truth What it because when we lie We lose power. Hmm. And when we tell the truth, that's the gaining of power Wait, quickly when we lie, we lose power And I was just that you know it curious to me when we lie to ourselves. Absolutely Oh, yeah, and and that starts there. We're lying to ourselves You know, um, and I was lying to myself All the time if somebody would ask me a question My first response would be What am I gonna say because I knew it was gonna be a lie Because I had such an entangled life with the raising kids not knowing what I did for a living I became Uh, so I worked it out to where I would say well Uh, I can't take you to the grocery store today. How what could I tell my kids? I'm doing for a living now and I I'm gonna be back in about an hour So I came up with I'll be a real estate hostess And I thought that would protect them and it would protect me from trying to make up another lie every day Um, so that worked for a long time For many many years and um, that's crazy. It was as it was I continued my drinking I drank Um, you know those seven eleven gulpies that they have Speaking of which drink some water. Oh, yeah, I'm thirsty. I'm gonna remind you to water. Thank you. It's water Used to be there Oh Yeah, thank you. So I would take this jug And empty the soda out And fill it with beer and I would take it everywhere. I would take it to The little league games. I would take it to the motel. It was with me all the time So even being part of the goddess group hadn't really been your turnaround Like what it's a process. Okay. So it was a big big piece of the process Now I flashed back there with the drink because we were talking about the water But that was earlier on that was before I met joy Uh, I quit drinking finally after probably I tried to quit so many times at least Six or seven times Really seriously tried to quit until I finally did quit And that last time Was different I had to remember Why I didn't want to drink because the old way of quitting Oh, I'll have a drink and that's fun but when I wrote in my, um Here's what happened Boyfriend I was with had a stretch limo And we were together eight and a half years and I was his little Drink it on his arm and I knew it I knew it. I knew he didn't love me, but I wanted love so much. I really didn't know what it was at that point Anyway, I lied and told him that I wanted to take my girlfriend to spagos For her birthday and I said, well, he'll loan it to me if I say her parents are going so I would lie And of course they weren't but we got so smashed So drunk that we didn't come home until about four in the morning and the driver pulled up and he was livid and you know, I was trying to get into the house and I fell back in the bushes and my My Outfit was torn and muddy by this time it was raining And I was hugging the toilet and I was sick as a dog and in bed for five days Shaking I couldn't hold a spoon He would get me soup from the north woods and feed me But as I'm detoxing I'm writing everything down My heart will pound and shake. I have the dry heaves. I'm scared this, you know, I I will always Always hurt the ones I love And that was something that you don't think about when you quit drinking and when you you know and that one It well, I But wait say that again you don't when you when you quit drinking You you what was about hurting the people you love you will always hurt. I will always hurt the ones I love You mean the thought of family. No, what I did while I was drunk. I'm hurting them Oh, I see. Okay. That makes total sense. Got it. Mother in their lives I was out hustling trying to get more work and you know, it was all about that really And uh, so There's some funny things that happened along the way Um, but I did get sober that day. I didn't drink after that and I brought that note To the hotels we used to go to vegas every Month for eight years because yeah, he was that's what he did and I put the note on the hotel Mirrors in the bathroom in my home and his house in my car everywhere to remind me Of the truth. Yeah, that's what's gonna happen That's why I don't want to drink because I couldn't remember that Let me ask you a question and I want to actually go down another road really quickly. Okay Did it take willpower? Was it willpower alone? To make the shift it was or was it being at rock bottom and and seeing it like Like looking into the abyss and seeing nothing It was my desire That was with my will my desire to be a good mother That's all I wanted to do is be a good mother to my kids And I wasn't going to give up no matter what and so it finally came to this Okay, I want to shift gears for a second sweet art because there's something even bigger I want to share with our audience. Is that okay? Sure. Absolutely Dear friends patty is someone I've known for a very long time. She's She's been an inspiration to me and you give to so many people in so many different ways Fact you started the transform group which is helping younger people At a much helping people at much younger age recover from things similar to what she experienced Why i'm bringing this up with everyone is a few months ago patty was diagnosed with stage four cancer And within our community, I mean, it's like You know, I all of our hearts drop So I'm sharing this right now because I I want to support her through my channel by having her share her story But in a moment I'm placing a link if you want to support if you can help support her there is a go fund me Link right now that I just posted We would love your support if you could help her during this tough time because Sweetheart, you've had I'm sorry to say a rough life I've known you during the good part of your life, you know But you've had a rough life and while every a lot of people have shared in the comments how Courageous you are and how you can even relate to some degree We all need support, you know, it's difficult when I said earlier willpower alone The fact is is willpower is just part of the equation But also when we can get the support of people we love So any support you can give to patty right now and maybe you can talk about What it felt like to get the diagnosis and how you view self love And by the way, this topic I know the title is high value men respect women who have this quality The thing is we all respect people who genuinely love themselves And if they don't we all have a duty to help others When they're in pain, so that's really the impetus of this So how did you feel when you heard about it? So when I first heard it Here's how it happened. I I went and got a colonoscopy, which I had been laid on I should have done it 25 years earlier, but I kept thinking oh, I'm fine because my first one was fine So I'm saying to everybody that's a good thing to do. Okay So after the colonoscopy, they said well, we've discovered that you have cancer In your colon in your liver and in your lymph nodes and it's stage four and I was so shocked That I I couldn't grasp on to it. I couldn't grasp on to it. It's still I'm in shock honestly not in shock so much but It's like wow I feel good because I had no symptoms. I had I didn't feel Anything I wouldn't have known But I'm starting to get tired And so that's a symptom this coming thursday. I start my first treatment And that'll be immunotherapy And I'll do that for I think two years That's what they say. So we'll see how it goes but I believe I'm gonna be fine. I believe I have such a I have such faith and such trust In the universe That has my back that knows all I've done To write this book To put it out to the world because it's gonna help people It's it's gonna definitely trigger people and and they're going to feel uh gotten And so that's what I want to do. I want to to stay alive For my children to have this book Out to as many as as that will get the help from it that's necessary No, we want to support you with that by the way folks if right now you have a question for patty You can write the word question and then post the question thereafter Or you can purchase a super stick or super chat or a super. Thanks By the way, all the money's collected today from the super sick or super chink Thanks is gonna go to your go fund me account on my on behalf of the connor asley scholarship fund And i'm going to match every donation today for my own For to support you so again if you do if you see this link right now to Support patty on our go fund me if you have a question you want to get more of the back story You want to know what she did to turn her life? I mean you've kind of explained what you did to turn your life around When I met you it was over a decade ago and and why i'm sharing this is folks I I was blessed By joining this group of goddesses. I was actually dating a woman who got invited into the goddess group And usually when they have their once a quarter Camps if you will they invite the men to come the next day And I got invited to this group of people where Much like you I remember at first. I was afraid to speak up I was afraid to share Because I felt like I was on a spotlight. I remembered I just I felt like I was stupid or like inside all those voices inside me Said that you know keep quiet listen. Don't say anything And then when we did eventually I actually got to do what was called a god goddess camp where it was both men and women And I still was very quiet. I was like I didn't want to say you were there. It was at your house I know I get it. There were 17 people I believe And what I happened was I listened to everybody share their story And I realized just like what patty was saying and like what many of you have said so far Is that we all have a story of Of of pain of suffering of joy and happiness. Hopefully as well You know some more than others But at the same time What was it that you said sharing wait sharing is healing? No, it was john john her husband popton said sharing is healing And there's something what did you say about the lie when we lie? We give our power away You lose power you lose power And I realized the more I opened up the more I opened up the more I began to see who I am as a person And I've often said men don't really connect with their heart Through other men we we get this through you women You know and not to suggest that's a woman's responsibility or job But there's just something about the feminine that can create an opening for men To be more vulnerable to be more authentic to be transparent. So um again if you have a Um, oh nancy wants to comment here if you have a question for patty post a question She said patty, please read the book radical remission The mind does control the body my boyfriend beat for Beat fourth stage fourth stage lymph node After she changed her beliefs about her Or my best friend, excuse me not boyfriend about her outcome. So you may want to check out that book. Thank you um So what else would you like to share while we're holding for questions? I just want to say that we we all have messages that are given to us as When we're children and some of them and most of them are from our mom and my message I was acting out when I was little and uh Stuffed a bunch of leaves in a mailbox. The police came to our house And my mom looked right at me and she said you're a dumb stupid Girl That was it That was the message that I carried through my entire life. So every choice I made it was What would a dumb stupid girl? Be worthy of what can a dumb stupid girl do? And so it takes a lifetime takes a Long time, but you can rewrite your story. You don't have to stay with that at all and As you start to to write Create your own life just wave of magic wand and write what you want it to be And before you know it your subconscious mind will accept that as the truth And and it changes it's strange. That's funny. So not funny I had a third grade teacher tell everyone in the classroom. I was stupid And I mean and I have this vivid memory of this, you know, like I remember the humiliation the embarrassment And I would say that's been one script that I've been working on rewriting because that that will I don't know for you But it sometimes comes out, you know as much as that's not a default person There's kind of a default. I've worked on rewriting the script And I don't feel stupid like I did 10 years ago or 20 years ago or 30 years ago even though Because I began rewriting my script years ago But little by little I'm having faith in myself and just what patty said a moment ago I did a post on facebook. It said, um, it was talking about reality tv I was talking about the golden bachelor, which I talk about frequently And I made a comment everyone I said become the reality show Or create a life so amazing that you become the reality show other people watch In other words, don't get addicted to the reality shows create a life so amazing that people want to watch you but not from a place of Like drama or envy, but as a place of being a role model and just like joy Um, and we're dear friends with her daughter Uh and her would Bruce be a stepson. Yeah, okay stepson. Um, we're dear friends with part of their family Oh, and there's uh elliott's as well. I forgot. Um, you know, we get through them. We get a connection through her as well Yeah So you can definitely So what's the importance of community? Oh community For me because I didn't have community until I met joy. I didn't have friends Really the only friends I had was A couple guys I didn't like women because I always thought women were Judging and knocking other women. I heard that a lot and I didn't that hurt So I didn't want to do that so um when I had community I got to hear everyone's story I got to see That they are that we're all the same They're all we're all way more alike than we are different. They have challenges. They have problems You know the ones that just look like the perfect package Well, nobody's perfect No one and once I got that that was huge for me that it's okay to be vulnerable and to to not be perfect And I'm still working on that to be more vulnerable and and share um You know the the Stuff that I wasn't ready to maybe before by the way kasha has just written and says patty Has so much wisdom and grace. She changed and transformed my relationship with myself and healed my relationship with my own daughter Oh kasha. We're so happy to hear that um So All right as we we're not quite done because I want to keep going for a few more minutes I want people to ask a question So if you have a question of patty post the word question to write the question thereafter I think there's a really good story here. Oh, I know it's a good story um Actually, it makes me think about it, you know Writing the book is like writing your story, right? It was I love I had a love affair with writing this book because it felt so good To just put the truth out there after holding back for so long I couldn't wait to sit down and write I'm writing another one now and I can't I can't wait to be with that It's just so you're gonna talk about the experience of going through cancer. Okay So why I brought this up is we all have a story inside of us And whether it gets published, you know, like my book by the way, I'm gonna plug my book for a second Let the heck of self love anyway um Whether it's a book that's published or it's a book That you do for yourself or maybe the immediate people in your lives There is something amazingly cathartic. I know when connor passed away and you know Um, and you held my hand through a lot of that period of time in my life I immersed myself into writing this book And not that everyone has to wait for a calamity or a tragedy. Excuse me to happen But I invite everyone there is just something amazingly as I said a moment ago cathartic Of right and by the way, and I believe writing your story Like there's a story there that maybe it can be shared for the next generation of you or the You know your family and their kids and their kids and and what if we started to all write books for our Great great great great gang grandkids so they can read about it because you know, sadly many of us Are afraid to write our story, but the same time Isn't that what this is all about? We're experiencing life in all these different noops and crannies you experienced it through alcoholism through sex work through um through growth and and sharing and now through cancer We all have a story and I invite you all to begin that so just an invitation beach lover has a question for patty if you had an opportunity to Wait, if you had an opportunity to do a gig economy back then would you To do a gig Well kind of what I do it's like well people are in gigs like they're individual workers for themselves You have a gig you know, I don't know how to explain that in a way that I I don't even know how to explain that beach lover in a way that I think patty, but in a way you had a gig You know at the term gig your gig was sex working. Yeah Would you do it over again now knowing what you know? Well, that's a tough question. Would you do it over? um, I believe that I would not change anything in my life honestly because I learned so much um Self I it was my path to turning it all around And it's the journey that was so wonderful the journey that was so amazing had I had a you know a line Life that was just so smooth I like living on the edge. I like the thrill of not that work, but I like the thrill of of meeting a challenge and being able to Help someone By the way, Mike. I was sorry beats lever meant like being a uber driver or a delivery person That's a gig person. Right and I was just thinking remember What did you say you were earning six dollars an hour house cleaning house cleaning? But you could get paid 300 dollars for 10 well that's one time What happened was after that it turned out that I was making 60 dollars an hour And uh great 10 minutes or an hour. Well, I didn't know the going rate I handed me 60 dollars and I did the math and I said well You paid 40 for the room for the hour and so that came up to 100 So I thought that was probably what what it was supposed to be. Okay, so I didn't know and uh, you know It was more than I ever made. Did you pay the room by hour? I didn't pay for it. They did. Okay They rented the room and I was gonna say if you got a room for a day, you could add a couple people No, they would Rent the room and wait for me in the room and then I would join them and I found out later that that's what they're paying Okay, cupcake says as time goes on Many of us women can relate to those other intimidating women Which can lead to our own pain and healing Yeah I think I just have to say that I think the most important thing in in this whole journey from going from The lowest self-esteem that you can have to where you Don't really care what other people think and that's genuine. I got to that place now I don't care. I mean I care. I want my family to think good thoughts of me and my close friends Of course I do but it's not going to change My choices it's not going to affect me if they frown on what I'm saying right now There might be lots of people that are saying. Oh, how could she or whatever? That's not important to me. I got to that place where I know what I'm doing I know that I'm helping people and that's Can I ask you a question? So Given what you did I could see how you could resent men. I'm not saying you did I'm saying I could see because in my line of work Especially for women who have felt that they've been hurt by a previous relationship and maybe legitimately Physically have been hurt but say emotionally been hurt and there's a bitterness. There's a jadedness There's a resentment towards men given what you went through Did you ever resent men afterwards? No, and I'll tell you I was not in touch with my feelings for so many years That I didn't I I just didn't feel the pain. I was avoiding it with drinking So now I can cry in the last 10 years let's say yeah, I I got in touch with my feelings and it's important That's where the miracles are if we can feel our feelings. We have to feel To deal with it to heal it So it's feel deal heal in that order and if you can be courageous enough to Do the work you know It's just feel feel That'll feel your feelings So can I say something and this is going to rub some people the wrong way Because women believe that they're all about their feelings and I often say on my channel women might have a propensity to vomit feelings, but I don't I don't get the sense that most women actually Lean into their feelings from a feel deal and heal perspective because there's a big difference, right? Yes, there is because you even said you stuffed your emotions and your feelings for so long I believe many women do that exact same thing Yeah, they stuff there and really what we're saying is or what I believe Is both men and women stuff their voice. Oh, yeah You know, there's a fear of speaking out because the minute we open our mouths We can be judged for our choices and what patty was saying earlier and I just have to give her for some props there The last time we did this video there was some people that made References about you and what you went through and maybe you're not a good mom and whatnot That's just a projection on other people's part until you actually walk the shoes of someone else You know, what's the saying he Who without sin cast the first you're like we all have something we all do it's it's bullshit to think otherwise so What matters most and what I love about you as a person Is that a I know you're gonna be cancer because you're better than cancer You're like fuck you to cancer, but more importantly It's because you have a mission to continue to spread your word not just through your book But through the way you live your life and so um Yeah, I just want to say one thing to sure you might say well, how do you get to that place where you can feel? Okay There'll be something that shows up and you'll we kind of know when we're stepping it We don't want to feel this if we reach for some substance to numb it or whatever Take a minute stop. Don't reach for that for just a few minutes and feel it really be conscious and feel it And for me I would sit with it maybe five or ten minutes and before I knew it Up bubbled this well of tears that I never shed. I didn't feel it until I allowed myself The time to be present With those feelings. I was just always running from them. I didn't want to feel it. I didn't want the pain But the greatest Surprise party in my life is that it feels so good. It's nothing to run from Feeling your feelings you may cry But that well of tears that come out of you Honestly is such a a beautiful release And it's it heals it and it feels you feel lighter and you create space for Oh, thank you for sharing that. All right, so I'm gonna make a commitment to everyone because I'm an emotional eater I'm gonna sit with it the next time I feel that temptation. I'm gonna at least give it five minutes I don't know if I'm gonna cry though Yeah, we don't always have to cry well I suspect You know and I I would say for me and I'm only sharing this so if anyone can relate It's when I feel lonely Like that's usually the time I kind of gravitate and and what I mean by And I'm blessed with so many beautiful people in my life. So it's not like I am I'm I'm not lonely But I think I'm disconnected with my own self love in those moments. I'm I've abandoned myself And so Food which was the way my mother coming back to I do believe our mother's influence us in so much My mother was um 300 pounds Five foot five 300 pounds when I was 12 years old and that's how she comfort herself. So I kind of adopted the same thing Okay, let's see what else Let's see cupcake says I agree We each have our own challenges to meet and exceed in our own method and manners. There's more than one way to be a survivor Indeed Yeah, you know Again what I think patty is sharing with everyone is you we can all we have the benefit I'd like to think we have the the opportunity. Let me just say this To not only write our story if we get a pen and paper we can begin to write our story But write the script of our lives Yeah, or what did I say? become the Create a life so amazing you become the reality tv show other people watching So make it a good one Well patty from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for joining us today Yeah, everyone. I just want to remind you if you would be open to supporting patty There is a go fund me for her to help support her for her cancer treatment I just posted it right there. There's also a link below as well And in addition, I highly recommend checking out this book for a good time. I always want to say for a good time call patty You know for a good time Purchase patty's book. Uh, there's a link below to get a copy and jonathan recommends book It's also in audible if you don't want to read you can listen to it. Okay Well, sweetheart, I always end my videos with a big gigantic jot the bear hook. Can I give you one? Yay Oh, thank you for being on everyone. Thanks for being on we really appreciate it Please support patty and also, please go write your story There's a beautiful story inside of you and I invite you all to begin journaling Writing this down and express yourself because through that experience you can heal That way does it feel deal deal and heal and I want you all to do that So please go out and do that from reading me on love dan sands work. Just okay. I didn't make that Give credit. We're credits too. Okay. Well, everyone we'll talk to you later. Have a good one. Bye now. Bye. Bye wait a minute