 When the narcissist loses control of you, when they no longer have the power to influence or direct your behavior or the course of events, when they can no longer maintain influence and authority over you, when they can no longer hold you back, when the narcissist can control you, it gives them a sense of stability and security. It makes them feel powerful and important. It gives them a purpose, it gives them something to do with their lives, which are all things that they desperately need. These are all things that the narcissist does not want to lose. They hate it when they lose control of you. Many people are afraid to set boundaries or stand up for themselves around a narcissist. They're afraid of how they might react. They're afraid of what they might say or do. When the narcissist realizes that they have lost control of you, they will get very angry. They will bully and intimidate you. They will try to put you back under their control because they realize that you're starting to wake up. They realize that you're starting to think for yourself. You're starting to realize your own power over them. So now they need to push you back down. They're not going to accept your power because they need to be in the authoritative position. They need you to be weak so that you're easier for them to control. They're weak. They can't be around a strong, confident person. That's not going to benefit them in any way. So as soon as they realize they're losing control of you, they have to break you down so that it's easier for them to manipulate and control you. They will target your self-esteem. They will argue with you for hours until you finally give in, until you drop your boundaries, until you accept standards of behavior that are less of what you are willing to tolerate. You stop defending yourself. You return to the state of being extremely cautious of your words and actions and try not to upset the narcissist because any little thing you say or do could set them off again and start another fight. At this point, you will do anything to keep the peace. You will return to the box that they've created for you because they always know when you're trying to leave. They know when you're trying to regain control of yourself. So you may just shut down. You will stop talking to them. You may go grey rock because if you're an empath, you just don't want to fight. You want peace and you know that if you try to stand up for yourself or confront them on anything, they will criticize you. They will wear you down. They will bully and intimidate you. They will try to make you give up. They will try to chip away your self-esteem so that you lose confidence in yourself. You lose confidence in everything you stand for, everything you believe in. They will bring you down until you feel very confused, until you feel angry or upset, so that they feel like they have power over you, so that they feel like you're under their control. They want to take away whatever fight you have left. They want to demolish your spirit. They want to take away your sense of pride in yourself and your accomplishments, so that they can feel like they're above you. When you go no contact with a narcissist, they can only go bully or intimidate you directly. But they will be engaged in other activities that could be potentially harmful to you behind the scenes. They will be talked to other people about you and given them a false narrative. They're not even going to wait until the relationship is over. As soon as they feel like they're losing control of you, they will start a smear campaign against you. They will gossip about you. They will pull out all the stops. They will just think of whatever is the most damaging thing they can say about you, whether real or imagined, and use it to destroy your reputation so that everyone thinks there's something wrong with you, so that it looks like they're the victim. They will say anything to drag you through the mud. They want you to look like a bad person, a liar, a fraud, someone who deceived them, someone who tried to harm them. Everything has to be your fault so that they can then play the victim. They will say that you did all of these horrible things to anyone and everyone to gain sympathy and support from other people. Just as they were talking about other people to you when they first met you, and if you decide to take the narcissist back, they will soon be talking about all the people they smeared your name to. They have something bad to say about everyone, especially the people they use to support them. They're very bitter and resentful people. They feel like they're being treated unfairly by everyone. Nothing anyone does is ever enough for them, because they're not enough for themselves. They're very weak, insecure people who expect other people to complete them, who want everyone to feel sorry for them, while they just use and abuse everyone around them. And if you fall for this and take them back, it will only happen again, whether you leave them or they leave you. There will be multiple smear campaigns, which may even one concurrently. A smear campaign is one of the main elements of being involved with a narcissist. Narcissists always play the victim. And whoever they're involved with is always the one who has all the problems. Because this is how they gain sympathy and support. This is how they get supply. When some narcissist realize that you're done with them, they will hold on for dear life, as if their lives depended on it. As though it's a life or death situation, it will look like they are fighting for their lives. As though their world is coming to an end, they will throw temper tantrums, they will do anything to show you who's boss, they will start a smear campaign against you, and then they will come back to show you they're still in charge. They still have control over you. They will try to do things that are outside of your control. They will be very demanding. They will stalk you. They will try to get their flying monkeys to talk to you. They will do anything to show you that they're still there, to show you that you can't get rid of them that easily. It's done when they say it's done. It's over when they say it is. It's all about demonstrating their power over you, showing you who is in control, when really they should be ashamed of their boundaryless audacious behavior. But narcissists are arrogant and entitled. They feel as though they have the right to do whatever they want. As though it's justified because in their minds you abandon them and their behavior should reveal to you that they are struggling without you. They are out of control. Just think about it for a moment. What kind of person would go behind your back and start talking to people about you, starting smear campaigns, threatening you, stalking you, only someone who is out of control, only someone who is struggling, someone who is trying to control you, to maintain their sense of stability and security within themselves, because that is why they do these things, because they're lacking order and stability within themselves. Thank you for watching. I hope this video resonates with you. Please like, comment, share and subscribe. If you would like to donate, my PayPal link is in the video description. Coaching inquiries, you can email me at coaching.narc-survivor.co.uk. Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.