 I'm going to start with my little war story, because this is dancing on the battlefield, but four years ago I was given eight weeks to live with a diagnosis of stage four breast and lymphatic cancer. And in that battle, I lost my husband, my son, who traveled with me, got married and moved across the country to North Carolina. I have a 11-year spread. I got pregnant on my honeymoon on birth control, so that worked well. And then I got pregnant 11 years later before my ex-husband's vasectomy, so that worked well. So anyway, I have a 11-year spread, and I was 40 when I got my daughter. And so when I got diagnosed with cancer, and Steve was with another woman, and her healthy mom fell apart, and her brother, who she loved, moved across the country. She lost everything at the same time. I could tell that she was going to fall apart. She was 15. So I made a sacrificial move, which was the hardest move I've ever made, to allow her to move across the country in a stable environment with my daughter-in-law, my grandchildren, and my son. I'm thankful I made that sacrificial move, because she is now 18, graduating high school and going on a world mission for nine months serving God with all her heart. But what I've learned through this battle, after selling a million His Princess books about God's love, is that God loves me too. I used to buy the lie that I had to suffer in being in the abuse of a marriage for you all to be touched by God, and I hid that for 25 years. I used to buy the lie that I had to give up everything for God to use me. And what I have learned through this battle is that God loves me too. I am still fighting cancer, and I still have tumors all over my neck and my back. And I was asking God if He'd heal me. I just turned 57 on my birthday in May 8th, and so I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes, so flashes and glasses so I can see you all. So anyway, but all that to say that I didn't want to beat this for several years. I didn't want to dance on the battlefield, and I had just came off tour with Chris Tomlin and casting crowns and huge arenas teaching a message on dancing on the battlefield, never knowing what I was about to walk in. I was teaching with power and passion, but I wasn't teaching with the compassion I teach now. Job said at the end of his battle, I have heard about you, but now I have experienced you for myself. I have always loved God's people, and I've always loved God. I was a born-again Christian at 24, lost my Jewish family for my faith. Today my Jewish family is all born-again, but it was a 10-year battle. But now I know Him differently, and so I said, why haven't you healed me yet? And He showed me, those are your battle scars. Pick up your mat and walk out the call. But He gave me four years to get healed myself from abuse from my own childhood, from an abuse of marriage. And ironically, right before I got diagnosed, I spoke for the Christian Counselors Association. I was their keynote speaker, and God knew that I was going to need them when my world fell apart, and they kept me and counseling for four years. So now I know God loves me, and my head's screwed on right, and I'm more compassionate than I've ever been. And now I don't need things to be different for me to be okay. I now understand what it means to have the peace that passes understanding. I now understand what it means to have joy of the Lord without it being based on circumstance. I now understand that there's a difference between a bitter heart and a broken heart. And if you have been hurt, as I have, and you're still hurt, that has nothing to do with forgiveness. Forgiveness a broken heart, God says, I'm close to the broken heart. So I want to take that weight off you. If you're still hurt, it's because you were hit hard by the enemy, and pain takes time to heal. And it's tears that heal the pain. But I am going to say this, there comes a point where I had to do this. Once I couldn't cry anymore, once I got good counsel, once I got healed, I made a decision, and that decision was this, I don't want to relive the enemy's works anymore. I now have cried, I have dealt with it, I have moved on, I still live in some of the wreckage, but I refuse to give Satan one more day. I choose to dance on the battlefield, but when I hurt, I will cry again. When something comes up, there's salt in that wound, I will cry out to God again. I will follow King David's example, because he is a man after God's own heart. And when I read the Psalms, so don't let anybody tell you if you're crying from painful past that you haven't forgiven. That's not true. Forgiveness is just saying this, just so you know, I want to help you with this. It's three words, no payback. That's all forgiveness is. It doesn't mean you won't feel the pain of your daughter that was molested, or your son, or what happened to you, or what your husband did, or what your mother did. That's not what forgiveness means. It means that you've made a decision to let revenge be God's, and you won't pay them back. And you will let God heal your heart. That's what that means. I don't know who that's for, but I hope it helps you. I'm a little bit weak right now, so I may have to get a stool in a minute, but I'm going to share with you the best I can tonight. I'm going to give you the best possible message I can. I don't know if I will be strong enough tonight to stay and sign books. If you'll forgive me for that last, I was just in a big telecast. Did you guys see the simulcast on Facebook? If you haven't, I just did a simulcast. I got home at three in the morning, and then I'm here. So I'm a little bit weak right now, but I know God's going to give me a word, and I have a fresh word for you, and I'm excited to deliver that word. I'm just not sure how much more I can push past that. But let me just pray, because nothing I say is going to make any difference at all. So Lord, in the name of Jesus, it is your anointing that breaks the yoke, not a person. And so we are asking now that you would come in and do what only you could do. In the hearts of your daughters, your princess warriors. May we leave here dancing. May we leave here with joy. May we leave here with perspective. And in the name of Jesus, Satan, anything that you are doing to mess with any infirmity in this room, with any emotion, with any mind, with any fear, it is shut up now in Jesus' name. Amen. When the Ecclesiastes were told there's a time for everything, but we women want to settle into a season and just park there, right? When you find that good season, finally everything's good. If it's not one thing, it's your mother. You know what I'm talking about. There's always something, right? And so we want to settle into this season and we just want to be right here. This is good. It's finally good. And then we go on to the next season. But we're warned there's a season for everything. So what I have learned in my season of mourning is I was going to milk my pain and not waste it. I was. I was like, no, this is my season. It's okay for me to cry. I don't like to cry. I don't like to feel sad. I'm a sanguine personality. I'm known as the party girl. I want everything to be happy at all times. I always have movie soundtracks playing in my home. People will tell you that they walk in. Everything's white and happy. Everything is happy in my little apartment. But here's the thing. In the darkest hours that I had alone, in the Christmases where I didn't have a family around the table, in the times that I was like, why is it that me who opened my home and my heart to everybody in my darkest hour? I don't even have my own children next to me or a husband to care for me. And I remember crying out to God and saying, God, I need a family and a family knocked at the door. With a guitar. I said, we don't know you. We don't know your circumstance. But God told us to come over here and be a family for you at Christmas. Excuse me. My husband left me with so much debt and I couldn't work for four years and we didn't have health insurance. And I was a sole provider of the Holtemazin ministry. So there was no thing to collect, no alimony, no help, no health insurance. And I'm sitting here fighting cancer. And during that, some readers and friends got together and started a fight for life fund and people gathered around me and gave $10 a month. And that $10 a month doesn't sound like a lot, but it added up with everybody giving what they could. And I was able to get everything I needed, including a place to live for me and my daughter before she moved to North Carolina. Because my credit was ruined by the man that was married to. God is so sweet. Here I have always had a bucket list to live by the beach. And I couldn't get even into any apartment. And this woman called me and said, I have a vacation rental. I'm going to cancel all of my vacation. And it's in Dana Point, California on the beach. What? My point is, for $1,900 a month, by the way, who lives there? $1,900 on the beach in a little apartment. It doesn't happen, okay? My point is, I got to be fed by the ravens and the wilderness. I got to experience what it feels like. It's okay, I'm on fire now. I got to experience what it feels like to have nothing and have everything at the same time. I got to experience what it's like to have Facebook family, love on me and pray for me and people email me separately. And people come and say, I'll just come and have lunch with you and sit with me. And they never felt like they were strangers. They felt like they were family. It's like, God just sent these people. When this family was at my door with a guitar, the mother's doing worship and three kids that look like they're in the Peter Pan movie. You know, I'm like, what? And a little puppy, I'm like, am I really sitting here with a family after just laying on the floor going, God, I can't handle not being with family? Just, I now am running through the last three and a half, four years of what happened. Now that I'm healed, now that I've cried my eyes out, now that I am gonna beat this cancer in Jesus' name, I am now running through it of all the things God did in the midst of my darkest hour in me, for me and around me. Because sometimes I was so sad, which is okay. I had a right to be sad. I had a right to feel and no one had a right to tell me I didn't. But I, at some point I'm like, I wanna change the filter. I wanna clean my eyes with the living water and I wanna see what God did this last three years. So I decided to get back up and be who I'm called to be, wounded at all, and speak. And I decided I would write again and got a 10 book contract immediately with Focus on the Family. I'm writing children's books right now called Adventures with the King that they're gonna make into cartoons just like Adventures in Odyssey. They're giving me my own show starting in the fall. I'm booked solid every once a month because that's all I'm taking right now. I'm too tired so you're my once a month. No, you're my exception actually. You're my exception, I did one just a little bit ago. And I started doing Facebook Live because I can't travel yet. I just can't and not around the country. And I started doing Facebook Live and what's ironic is I was invited to come back on tour with those big arenas and I knew I couldn't. I knew physically I could not do the stamina of back east tours. So isn't it interesting that that forced me to do Facebook Live, people that follow me and already the message I just did Monday night, 27,000 people have seen it. 7,500 joined us live. The first Facebook Live I did, 23,000 people joined us live. I was like, what is happening here Lord? And from that Bible Gateway said can you come back and start teaching on Bible Gateway? And I'm like, I'm here again. I just said to Connie, I go, what? I'm here, like I'm in a green room getting ready. I mean, I took a four year sabbatical. Like I'm here, like getting up and wounded and all, battle scars and all without a husband. My children still live across the country. And now of course, cause I prayed for my daughter and raised her to be a warrior. Of course she's going to go into third world countries for the next nine months on the world race. I mean, awesome God, thanks. You know, I'll celebrate with her in heaven. But I'm just saying she's doing a mighty work. And I am, you know, and I'm watching my son and my daughter-in-law. They're watching me grovel with God. They're watching me wrestle. They're watching me fight. They're watching me go through human emotions that say, today I want to give up. Okay, today I'm strong, today I'm not. And you know what? At Christmas, I got the most beautiful, I mean at my birthday I got the most beautiful letter from my son who was 29, said, the way you have risen out of the ashes, I will now know God is forever real, forever powerful. And he and my daughter-in-law are raising my three beautiful grandkids, six, three and a baby. And God opened up another prayer because I have not been able to see my new grandbaby. I haven't seen my babies in three years. And many of you that follow me on Facebook know this. A friend of mine, I could only have, my doctor would only let me leave for two days, flew me there, let me see my baby, got to meet them, hug them. Of course I posted it all over Facebook, everywhere I could post it on your Facebook even. Let me share it with 100,000 people. I don't care if it's your Facebook. I haven't got to do this. I was so excited. But I'm just saying, I'm getting to see things with the living water washing my eyes. I'm getting to say like Job did, finally. And you know, I remember saying to people that have already been through hell and back, is there a back? Is there ever gonna be a day that I don't wake up and hurt? Is there ever gonna be a day where I don't wake up crying? Is there ever gonna be a day? I really needed someone that had already been through it to say yes when you've cried all the tears and you've processed all the pain and you've allowed God to touch you in the deepest, darkest, saddest place of your heart. Yes, you will have a day that you will say those who sow with tears really do reap for joy because David said in the Psalms I read where he said, how much longer? I cry so much that my bones are dry, Lord. And as we saw, he did get from a cave to a crown. This time, I'm not backing down to the devil. I'm not afraid to step out on the water because I now know what it's like to lose everything and it's okay. I survived it. Don't walk in fear. Walk out your destiny because the next generation depends on you getting up, wounded and all. If you have to finish, bloody, do it. Because your battle scars are way more powerful than someone that's never endured anything. Your faith is not what you say. It's from what you survive. And when you survive, something like many of you have in this room. And what an amazing church that you all would have this many different ministries. This is church, just so you know. I travel all over for 25 years. This is a church. When you have that many different ministries to offer the real world what's really going on like Jesus did, meeting people where we really are at. Isn't that awesome? I don't know how blessed we are to be here. But there's a season for everything and whatever season you're in right now, I wanna encourage you, embrace that season, get what you need to get out of that season and then get out. Now when people ask me what happened, I say, do you know what? I don't wanna relive it. Would you mind if I don't answer that question? And I don't and I won't. And I tell my friends, if I even start to relive it, say we've already dealt with that. I don't wanna do it anymore. And I have accountability. Now I don't. I'm like, why would I wanna go down a sad road when I can go down a glad road and have a good day? Why do I want to replay the enemy's works when I can replay the work God can do in spite of the enemy? And I don't wanna have to lose my legacy because I gave in to my loneliness. I gave in to a disease. I gave in to a divorce. Yes, I was angry because my parents have been married in divorce three times each. I've been a part of five blended families. Now I realize today we need to start a support group for functional people that are still married. But when I was a young girl, no one was divorced but my family. I'm sorry for you that still have a functional family. I hope you can survive the world the rest of the life until Jesus returns. But it's important to understand that nothing that anybody does to us can take away what God can do through us. Nothing. We can dance when we're in pain and I don't mean as an, oh it's so happy to have been pain. Pain is a very real thing. But pain doesn't have to be wasted. I know how hard it is to push through. And this may be your season to mourn. This may be your season to sleep. This may be your season to serve. I had to understand that God loves me too. And I was not in a place and when I heard pastor Rick Warren's wife when someone came up to her and said, you've been mourning your son's suicide for so long when you're gonna come back out. And I heard her say at a women's conference, I don't know. When I'm done mourning, I'll come back out. And that's when God spoke to me, I love you too, Sherry. I want people to come refresh you the way you went out and refreshed to others. This is your season to receive. What's that? Well, if you didn't have a mom that loved you well and you didn't have a husband that celebrated you, it's really hard to see that you could have a season where people can just come and love you. And boy, have I been spoiled with love in the last three years, in the midst of my darkest hour. And the most beautiful thing about your trials is you find out who your real friends are. Anybody can be your friend when things are going good. Trust me, I lost so many friends. And spiritual kids that I raised, they couldn't handle the thought of losing me because they depended on me so much as a mentor that they came and gave their eulogy of how amazing I was and everything I've meant to their life and brought their flowers and brought their gifts and I never heard from them again. Because they couldn't handle the thought of me not being there, so they mourn the loss. It was amazing the loss. But now I understand that you don't really know that God is all you need till God is all you have. And now I'm surrounded with a team of 10 people that volunteered to put this ministry back together again. I'm surrounded with friends and love. My daughter and I FaceTime and talk every single day. She calls me four or five times a day. We're closer now. I missed the teenage yuck from ages 15 to 18. I can look at it that way. I just went from 15 to good. I mean, I'm gonna, oh, let me just go there for a minute. Honestly, I'm not kidding. Women, you can relate to this. I've wanted to lose 25 pounds for 25 years. I finally lost my weight. I mean, it was by force, but who cares? My point is we can choose to focus on whatever is good, whatever is true, whatever is lovely. Nothing will make Satan more angry than being thankful for what you got during his attack. You wanna dance on the battlefield? Make him so mad. I came in today, I was tired and Satan whispered you're too weak to give them a message, and I said, watch me, watch me, come in. You don't allow anybody to cancel out God's call on your life, no one. Jeremiah 2911, he knows the plans he has for you, declares Lord, these plans are to prosper you, to use you, to leave a legacy, to be a light in darkness, he has called you for this time. Never before have wounded warriors need to get up. Never before have we had to be Ezekiels. Never before have we needed to speak life to what's dead inside of us first. Speak life to what's dead inside of you. I had to start speaking life. No, I am called of God. No, he does love me. My value isn't based what people have said about me or how I was treated by a husband. No, I can get back up again in Jesus' name because his word says I can and because he resurrected his dead son. And I began to study Ezekiel and I love that the dead bones, not only came alive but became a mighty army. And I love that David was like, where's all the people I loved and helped? And he didn't want the army, God sent them. While he's in the cave in his pity party, he didn't want those people to fight with him. You don't you know that at the very end of his life, guess who ends up dying for him? Those people. You may not have lost anything. God may have reset your table. That's what I've learned. And I have an amazing team. And I'm so thankful. And every day is a better day. And every day I can say to Jesus, your life on a cross was enough. That's all I need. And I say to God, if you'll just give me your peace and joy, I don't care what else you give me today. Because peace and joy would everybody crave and try to get, whether it's through food or people or relationships or jobs, that's what they really want, right? Peace and joy. So why don't we just ask God for the good stuff and forget going through people to get it? Call me crazy, but it's a lot less pressure on us. A lot less disappointment on us. And we're not gonna get what we want from these people because they're trying to get it from you. In reality, while you're trying to get their vote, they're trying to get your vote, while you're trying to get their approval, they're trying to get your approval, while you're trying to impress them, they're trying to impress you. So we're living for an audience of none anyway. So I think we should just bypass the people to get the peace and the joy and go straight to the source that gives the peace and the joy and you will be dancing on the battlefield. So I now pray every morning, God, I just want your peace and your joy and he gives it to me. And I go, skip it, he do da. And my kids will call, how you doing? I'm doing great, really? I said, yeah. I have God's peace and joy. What else is there, honey? And I'm telling you, they're able to see, wow, mom's actually doing okay. But nothing's really changed, mom. You still have cancer. You still don't have a husband. We're not still new. And the problem is I bypass all that and I go straight to this. Amen. I wanna share with you a few things. I wanna share with you a story I normally don't share but I really felt led to share this story. I lived in Arizona, actually represented Arizona. I'm a former Mrs. America and I lived in Arizona for 10 years. I tell people, I was a Jew that wandered around the desert and moved to California. The Promised Land is the real truth. And if you've never been to Arizona before just take your blow-dryer on high and put it in your mouth. That's it and you're there. But while I was there, there was a couple that wanted to open up in the mountains of Arizona an amusement park, like a train Western town that would only be run by handicapped people. So it was really special for parents that had handicapped children because you could only be employed there if you were handicapped. And I thought, what a beautiful idea, right? And so, and they lived on the center and they had like a hundred positive, well so while they're building it, the couple that was building it, the husband was a builder and electrician. He's putting up the electrical wires and he gets electrocuted and loses both of his hands. Now you would immediately go, God, are you kidding me? He is building things for handicapped. Now he's doing the good work and his hands are now gone. But he will tell you the same thing I will tell you now. I've been through a lot way before the four years and I thought I had a testimony. I always had a heart for God like I was starting to tell you earlier and I've always had a heart for God's people but I now have the compassion unlike I've never known. And he tells people when he gives the tour of this place. I had a heart for handicapped but now I understand why. And I'm not sure what you feel like you're throwing in your flushes or your handicap is or what you aren't but I can tell you this. If it's given by the God, it's a gift. I'm dyslexic, I can't even read my own books. I barely got out of high school with D's and I really did have an English teacher that told me I was born to lose in life and if you get into my books you'll need to read them backwards but don't worry they're still anointed. And there was a time when dyslexia was of great benefit to me once I tried to take my life and I jumped behind the bus. But what? So like my kids were like my kids are like, mom you seem kind of dingy for God to give you so much authority. And I said listen, God had to pick someone that had no thoughts of their own because I don't get in the way of God. I said that's why I write books in his voice. Holy Spirit blows right through the air hole. But if I had degrees and I was an incredible award winning writer from high school and I won public speaking awards all the credit would go to me because all I really wanted to be was an ice skater just so you know and I was pretty good and I was on my way to training for the Olympics and my parents divorced and my mom took that money and spent it on clothes so she could date men, took me off the ice, left me home with her, my step-brother who was a drug dealer who started getting me stoned at 10 years old and my dream went away and that's why you see my before picture drug didn't overweight. But today, if I were to get the dream I wanted at best I would be at grandma's on ice. And my gold medal would mean nothing. It would not leave a legacy for my little grand babies. It would not leave a legacy for my children. It would not do anything for you, maybe I could come up here and shine it, I could bring it up here, oh look at this. But think about right now, maybe you're in this room and you can't dance because you're so disappointed because you didn't get what you dreamed for and then you held on to a scripture that was misquoted, Ephesians 320, he is able to exceedingly abundantly more than you'd ever get a dream. No, a dyslexic writing, that's selling books, that's exceedingly abundantly more. In other words, he wants to do something exceedingly abundantly more through you that will outlive you. You forget, you're just visiting for a little bit and we're out of here. And I know people go, I'm so sorry you have cancer, I didn't know you were gonna die because I'm never gonna die. And I wanna say, we're all terminal. You could be dead tomorrow. You could beat me to heaven. My point is, we live too much like this is it. No, this is our chance to let God do exceedingly abundantly more than we'd ever dare to dream for future generations to make a mark with our lives. This is our chance to fight in the greatest army of all times. And to be able to say, I have fought the good fight, I have kept my faith, so here's my question to you. If God had given you your dream, would it have blessed anybody but you? If God had given you your will, would it in any way impacted the future of your children and your grandchildren? Maybe what you didn't get is the biggest blessing you could have ever gotten. And maybe you came here tonight and maybe God's giving me the stamina to stand right now for this moment for you to say, thank you God for what you removed so I can now move into your perfect will and do your work so you can do exceedingly abundantly more through me now that I'm finally surrendered. See, when the military signs up, they get no choice where they're stationed and they know they're gonna fight, why are we shocked when the fight of the enemy is not fair? The fight will never be fair. John 1010, he comes to kill, steal and destroy. Call me crazy, that doesn't sound like he's gonna fight fair. When my daughter said to me a few weeks ago because since she has said yes to ministry, a lot has happened and she, just inside herself and she called me once and she goes, am I always gonna struggle? And you know, mommy wants to comfort, right? And the Holy Spirit just went, I said yes. What? Yes, it may not be what you're struggling with now but you will always struggle until you learn to fight. So the next four months before you leave on the battlefield as much as I wanna love you and make up for all the mommy time I missed for you because of this cancer, I am gonna teach you how to fight instead and you will have victory over whatever comes against you because your comfort will not help you, my comfort will not help you but if I teach you how to combat and let the Holy Spirit comfort you, that will be with you forever, baby. A few days later she goes, I'm so glad you're my mom, you rock but she wasn't happy with me in that moment because I told her the truth. I know we wanna protect but we've got to protect her. And right now we need to go back out where we belong on the battlefield. That's what we were born for. We're his princess warriors. We're called to dance on the battlefield. We can do this in Christ's name and if you get a passion and a purpose and I said to the Lord a few weeks ago, I was praying and I was like, Lord I don't have the same passion for your people that I had when I was in these big arenas. I don't have, I feel like my passion is not as powerful. I need you to give me my passion back and I felt like Lord said to me, I'm never giving you your passion back because your passion is fleeting and they can't work off your passion. They can work off my power. I will just anoint you more to do my work but you're not gonna work off what you feel because what I feel can't change you. It can change you tonight. I can get up here and do a little cheer. Give me a W, give me an A, give me an R. I, O, R, warrior. But that is not gonna do anything. But if what I tell you is the word of God and the anointing is on it and I tell you the truth and I prepare you for battle and I give you permission to cry as David did. Many of you are only still hurting because you've never allowed that season of mourning. You've done everything you could to avoid it like I did. Everything. It was the hardest thing for me when the counselor who I spoke for all these counselors helped them go back to their ministry on fire and now they're helping me. It was first of all, humiliating if I were to be brutally honest that here I was their speaker and now I'm under their care. But when the one counselor said to me, have you ever cried or mourned the fact that you were never tucked in bed as a child? Have you ever cried that your husband never took you out for a wedding anniversary? Have you ever cried for all the loss? I said, I don't want to. I don't wanna feel it. And she goes, and that's why the cancer's spreading. Those tears and that mourning are a gift. And she gave me every scripture. Then she took me through the word and found out what I aligned with, which is a lie and that's what I've been doing for my daughter and I pray that you do it for yourself and for your daughters. So she would say something and I'd go, give me a scripture that proves that that is true about you. You know how we hate ourselves and we find everything we don't like about ourselves and everything wrong with us. And so we speak it out loud and we speak what we think about ourselves and we repeat what others say about us more than we will repeat what God says about us. So I said, lesson number one in combat. The word is a two-edged sword. It will be the only thing that will cut that lie off. Speak it out loud. I can't, I don't feel it. Speak it out loud. Now she's like, I am so happy. I learned to speak the word out loud. I said, absolutely. I said, your mind has a million thoughts. Your mouth can only say one thing. So if everything that goes in your mind comes out your mouth and it goes back in your mind and it just recycled trash. Wouldn't you like to have recycled truth instead of recycled trash? Who's here is ready for truth. I want the living water. I'm done with the muddy water. And I muddy up the water myself by the things I say. As a man thinks, so is he. When I started to believe the lie I couldn't come tonight and I was gonna have to cancel two hours before. I went, wait, who's that from? That is not from God. Shut up, Satan. I do have what it takes to come here and speak in minister to my sisters in the Lord. I will do what God's asked me to do. He will give me a fresh message. I am gonna come and do what he's called me to do and I'm gonna enjoy it. Ah, thank you. For those of you that are like I was for three years and you feel like you have nothing to give, I want you to think about Jesus in the widow. She gave her last two cents. Prior to this attack and there were two other betrayals that happened that I'll never publicly talk about. But the psychiatrist convention that I spoke at said that very few people would even survive one of the seven things I walked through at the same time. And that's why he had to send me an entire psychiatry convention to help me. Because Satan came in like a flood and said I'm gonna hit her at every angle until she cannot function anymore. But I had some bookings I had to complete before I came off the road and they weren't letting me out and I would tell them I can't. I am crippled. And I never knew you could be crippled in pain. Like I never knew you couldn't actually get up past pain until this moment. Because I was forced to feel so much at the same time. And the Lord said the widow gave her last two cents and that was enough. And I realized I was the rich man prior to that. What happened? Not in money. I was the rich man in passion and joy and couldn't wait to get on that platform. I couldn't wait to kick the devil's tushy. Couldn't wait to see God's will. And now I'm getting up and I had to open up by saying I'm the widow tonight. I don't know if I'll be able to stand up here even for 20 minutes I'm in so much emotional pain. But I will give you whatever two cents I have left and I'd get a standing ovation. You know why? Because it set women free to have a leader get up and say there are moments. There was one pastor that was so mad that I wanted to cancel and I got to ask him this question. He was in his 60s. I said sir, how many years have you been in ministry? And he had said like 25, 30, 40 years. I can't remember. I said if you had a day that life was so hard you had to give someone else your Sunday morning service. And he said I am so sorry young lady how I treated you. I've had many days like that. You are released. You stay home in peace. We forget sometimes how we felt in that moment where we couldn't push through. But compassion I'm telling you from someone that's just walked through so much was the greatest gift ever. But now I'm done. I don't want compassion. I want someone to kick my tushy. I told my friends thank you for all your compassion. We're done. My pity party's over. Now I just want you to speak life and say get over it. Shut up, stop talking. We've already processed this, it's over. But it took me three years to be able to say to the same friends, stop judging me, stop expecting me to be who I was. It's like what they did to Rick Warren and Kay Warren. They were expecting them to be the same where after their kid was killed. I'm like are you kidding me? It's like going into a piece of someone's life like if you went to King David when he was sinning with the sheba you wouldn't be thinking of him as the man after God's own heart. If you went to him when he was in a cave crying you wouldn't be thinking about him as a guy after God's own heart. Don't judge people by one season in their life and don't judge yourself by one season in your life. You're precious and you are gonna go through different seasons and everybody processes pain differently. Stop beating yourself up. Stop beating yourself up because God's not beating you up for how you're processing. He loves you so much. And it says that people are to mourn with those who mourn. Weep with those who weep. Rejoice with those who rejoice. So if someone has made you feel bad for processing pain I'm so sorry. I just want you to know that wasn't God. And sometimes people don't mean any harm to be honest. There were people that didn't mean any harm with me. They just wanted me to get up and get over it and get back on that platform. Who cares? You can just shake it off. You know what I wanted to say? I wanted to say I wanted to break your legs with a baseball bat and say walk it off. That's what I wanted to say. Because when you are hurting that bat emotionally and somebody tells you to shake it off. Seriously, give me a baseball bat. Okay, walk it off but my legs are broken. I don't care. Get up and walk it off. So three questions I'm gonna answer for you that I know people have right now worldwide. This is what people want to know from you as a Christian. And you as a Christian may be wanting to know this yourself. But here's the number one question that everybody's asking right now after Las Vegas shootings and after child molesting and churches falling. Here is the question they're asking. Why God? First question that comes out. Why God? Here's the first thing I'm gonna say to defend my heavenly father and I hope you will join me in this in the future. Why are we blaming God for Satan's work? Does that help anybody in this room? It'd be like someone coming in your house and kidnapping your children while you were out of town and them asking you why you weren't there to protect them. Why are we blaming God for Satan's work? Jesus already told us the prince of this world is the devil and that there will be troubles in this world. So the first thing that Satan wants to do is have you blame God because while you're hurting and he's hit you, his next step is to disconnect you from your father. Right? If they hurt your children, then they disconnect from the parent. They got a winner in the world of evil. So I had to learn John 1010, Satan comes to Killstone and the next one is this. Where is God? I had that question over and over again to myself. God, really, where were you in this? Where is the payoff in this? And he brought me to four people. Daniel could have easily said, why is Daniel being thrown in the lion's den? Let's put a backslidden Christian in the lion's den, let him get reacquainted with God. I mean, Daniel is a good, godly man and he's the one being thrown in the lion's den. Really? Let's just get a very, very carnal Christian, throw them in there. But that's where God was in the lion's den. And that's what it took for the entire land, including the king, to turn to the true God. So what I had to learn when I asked God before I did my Facebook simulcast is I said, why have you not healed me when I can get up and I could show that the tumors are gone because you certainly can. You certainly have the power to do it. And that's what he showed me. He said, because I want them to see your battle scars and that you will get up and serve me whether I heal you or not. Why Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego? Great guys, godly guys, why are they throwing a fiery furnace? Where's God? He was in that furnace with them. Where's God? How many of you in this room are a testimony that you can say that you've walked through something in your lifetime with the Lord? It could have been 20 years ago, could have been 10 years ago, five years ago or five minutes ago. But you walked through something that you didn't think you were coming out of and you're here today and you're out. Raise your hand. Look at the room. You know what's happened, you all? We forgot the last time God rescued us. It's kind of like when you take your kids to a wonderful vacation and you save money and you spend everything and you get home and they go, what are we gonna do now? I'm gonna sleep for a year and try to recuperate my savings account. That's what I'm gonna do, you ungrateful child. But that's what we do to God. We forget quickly. Like, I forgot how crippled I was, how I couldn't get out of bed until one of my friends came and visited me two weeks ago and went, wow, you are so healed and so happy. And I'm like, am I? I am. Because I forgot. Because I'm healed. There's no more tears to cry that I can think of so now I put my false eyelashes back on. Because it wasn't worth it before. Isaiah 43, oh, the other two people, sorry, Joseph in prison. Really? The man with integrity? The man that didn't rape the girl? He's the one that's gonna go to prison? Where was God? He was with him, preparing him, gave him in the right position so he could finish in a palace. And let me just real quickly take a little side note for those of you that have been told a Joseph story that goes from his parents, I mean, his brothers abused him, he saw them and said, don't be sad, everything's happy, God did it all. No, that's not how the story goes. There was a healing process in the middle. There was a time where he recognizes that his brothers, but they don't recognize him and he tests them and he actually put something on them that makes him look and falsely accuses them and throws them in prison, then he makes them go back and get their brother. In other words, he tests their heart because God's words has guard your heart. It's the wellspring of life. You must hear this. If you've had abuse, forgiveness is not fellowship. There is a big difference. God did not tell the Egyptian, I mean, the Israelites to go back in fellowship with the Egyptians that put them in slavery. You need to be like Joseph. You need to follow the word of God. And if the heart is not repentant and healed and is not safe and they've done something to you or your children, you forgive them and you give them to God, but you don't hang out with your abuser. You can't find a scripture to back that. You can't even find a story in the Bible to back that. All of them and tell Joseph's brothers were fully repentant and broken. And here's what's interesting to me about that story. Once he realized that they realized what they did to him, they still didn't know him yet, right? It says he excused himself and what does it say next? He wept so hard it said that all of Egypt could hear. Now that doesn't sound like a story that he just embraced them and said, yay, you're all here, my abusers, come on in. No, God says, guard your heart. It's the wellspring of your entire life. If Jesus himself picked the 12 people to sit at his table, wouldn't he expect you to do the same? And I want you to notice something else about the Lord that I had to learn the hard way because I had a disaster in my home opening my heart. Even the good Samaritan that helped the bloody man on the side of the road took him to a hotel, not his home. Jesus did not invite anybody to the table of 12. His inner circle was protected and he's the savior. I want you to think about who you have in your home that's lowering the moral bar, stealing your husband's attention, messing with you as a mom or a woman of God. And then I want you to think of you, who's a mom in this room? Do you care who your kids hang out with? Would you invite someone to hang out with them for the sake of calling it witnessing that would take them away from God? Well then why would God do that to you? I hope that sets a lot of people free in this room because it wasn't until I got some really good Godly counsel from some mighty, mighty leaders that said you've got to stop opening your home and your heart to people that you don't know who they are. God didn't ask you to do that, so don't blame God for what happened. And they challenged me to find a Bible story. I couldn't, if they're not part of your purpose, they don't need to be sitting at your table. If they're not drawing you close to God, go meet them. When you go minister to people, do be like Jesus along the way, by the way. Your ministry doesn't have to be in your home. Bring people in your home that love God as much as you do that you can have Bible studies together and you can support each other and you can help each other. But go to their home before you let your kids hang out with them. Know the homes that your kids are walking in because I'm the one that gets hundreds of emails from women all over the world because of my His Princess book that have had disasters with their good, sweet heart that opened their home to situations that God never asked them to open up and they can't find a scripture to back at even. And as soon as I say that, I find a scripture that says open your home to evil people. So you can minister to them. No, you go meet them. You go out and meet them and you put events together for them, but you don't bring danger into your private space any more than Jesus did. Who does that set free in this room? A lot of you. Yes, I know. It set me free like nobody's business. And I realized that we're valuable. When you are in a military base, are we allowed to go on the military base? Just because we want to? No, and we're the people the military protects, but you gotta have your ID. You have to be invited. You don't get in those private spaces. Sorry to park here so long, but I am over 55 and I don't really care what you think. I care about protecting you. And so I'm okay not winning you over. I'm really okay. And then the third question is, now what do I do? Where was God when that thing hit? Why God first? Well, now we know it was Satan. Where's God? He's right there in the mix of it with you working out on your behalf. And what do I do now? Because I had to go to God and go everything I lived for is gone, Lord. Everything, my open house and my open heart and my children and my family and everything I fought for and everything I, and I've served you and I had all these questions. Now what do I do? And God brought me to two things. He brought me to Nehemiah, how it was from the wreckage that God rebuilt a better wall. Satan wants to whisper to us right now, you can't dance on the battlefield. Look at all the wreckage. You don't even have a place to build from. I couldn't find my foundation. And then I realized God didn't want me to find my foundation here on earth. He wanted me to flip my foundation up in heaven and live driven by eternity. And then I wouldn't have to worry about it being shaken or taken. And he wanted me to begin to lay stones for eternity and to make decisions for eternity. Because when we care more about people's feelings than our father's will being done, we're not gonna be blessed, we're gonna be messed. We really are, we're gonna be messed with bad. So you have to be careful that you live like Jesus because if we're a Christian, we're following Christ. And Christ wasn't real concerned about people's feelings. He was concerned about saving people and people's pain, right? But he wasn't gonna go, oh, the Pharisees are offended. I'm gonna stop preaching the truth. Can you imagine? So if we're Christians, let's have the same bravery our savior did. And I used to say to people, I will not apologize for God's word. How many of us remember willing to say I will not apologize for truth? Raise your hand. I will not apologize for truth. I will not apologize for God's word. Job had to make a what should I do now? He lost everything. He could have walked away and wiped away his witness and he would have missed the grand finale of his life. I mean, his wife even told him, curse God and die. He's not even with you anymore. And he goes, though he slays me, I will not curse him. And then God gave him back twice as much as he lost and hopefully a new wife that could speak life. And that's where I'm gonna lead you here. When you're in a battle, when you're in a crisis, when you're walking through a battle, do not put people in your life that are Eeyours. It's gonna be another bad day. Praise God. You're never coming out of this. Yes. I'm sorry, shut the Eeyours up. You really need someone that's a ticker. We're gonna run, we're gonna jump, we're gonna find our tail. Oh no, that's Winnie the Pooh. We're gonna help Winnie the Pooh find his tail. But you want to be with people that will speak life to you, not people that will speak death to you. You want people that are in Ezekiel that will speak to what's dead inside of you. And that's what people would do to me. I had a team of people that have known me 20 years. They're on my advisory board, they've walked with me. They treated me exactly the same respect when I was vomiting from cancer, heartbroken from my family, did not want to minister anymore, wondered where God is, and they would still talk to the princess inside of me. They were Abigail's to me. Abigail talked to the king inside of David before he was king because he was about to make a stupid move in his anger and kill her husband. And he said to her, is your destiny worth it? And they would say to me, you have a legacy. It won't go away no matter who hurt you and what they did to you. You have a legacy, you will rise again. You will do this again. And I'd be like, you're on drugs, truly. And they go, and they would not, my advisory board who's been with me all these years would fuse to join with the devil and speak the death that was coming out of my mouth. They would not join forces with me. They spoke to who I really am. They spoke to who I really am and who I have been my entire life. Speak to the death. I mean, speak life to the death. Find the death in your kids and speak life to it. Even if they go, oh, you're just my mom. I don't care what you say. And I have my daughter say it to me all the time. You're my mom. You would like clap if I pooped, you know? And I'm like, yes, I would. Yes, I would because that's healthy. And that means you ate your fiber. My point is speak life first to yourself because if you don't put your oxygen mask on, you cannot help anybody else. So if this is your season to go into hiding and go in and get yourself healed and go into the cave, then that's your season and give yourself a nap and a bath. I wanted to unpack everything before I go because I'm a little bit, I'm not gonna put anything on myself. I like things organized, okay? I am a sanguine, but I somehow like everything in order. And I was gonna spend today, and I talked to Connie, right? And she was too, I was going, Connie, my nails are horrible. And I still have my sycosm pact and we both looked each other and went, let's not get our nails done. Let's grab some wraps before this event and let ourself have a break. My room looks like a cyclone in it, which makes me crazy. But I have enough energy now to give you that I could have given to my suitcase. And you wouldn't have cared. My suitcase has no eternal value. My color-coded closet is nice, I love it, but it has no eternal value. It just makes me happy here on earth. Joseph could have missed that grand finale of his life. Jesus, I just think of Luke 22, 42. Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will, but not mine. And I remember telling God when I went out to speak, I was so confident that he was gonna have me healed Monday night, that I was gonna get on that Facebook live and everybody was praying and people were fasting. And Lord goes, you are healed. How do you think you're standing? Are you gonna let what you see make you believe you're not healed? Because my daughters walk by faith, not by sight. And then everything else follows. That's what I'm learning now. I wanna close with this letter. I have a new journal. You have a pre-order form, I think, that was given out. And it's coming out June 15th, and it's Warrior Letters for His Princess Warriors. And then it has a journal page and then it has 50 of my truths, like I shared tonight with Power Truth. And I wanna close with this letter. It's My Princess Warrior. I have created a time for every season in life. This is my perfect timing for my plan. Right now, my beloved, it is time for war. The enemy's attacks are great. It's time for you, my princess, to put on the full armor and fight. I know the battles you face will not be easy, but I will be with you and they will be worth fighting. Your fight will not be wasted. It will live on long after you're gone and we're celebrating your life in eternity. But for now, look around you, my beloved warrior. See that you are much needed on the battlefield now. There is nothing for you to fear, for you will not be defeated. I am with you, I am for you, I am fighting for you. Soon I will return and this war will be for everyone. Love your king. Is there anybody that could do guitar or music for a second? That would be such a gift to me. Thank you, I have no gift of music whatsoever. If you're in this room tonight and you don't know the Lord, you aren't here by accident. And maybe you've tried everything. I didn't come to know the Lord till I was 24 and I was at the end of my rope when I was on the top. I had won beauty pageants, I'd lost weight, I got off drugs and I was more and more depressed because no matter how I decorated myself, I needed peace and purpose. I needed a savior, but I didn't know it as Jewish, so of course Jesus would be the last place I'd go. But right now, this moment has been orchestrated for you to know him. So with every eye closed for a minute, out of respect to those that just need to have a moment with God. I'm not gonna have you come forward, but I am gonna say, if you want a touch from the savior and you want to receive him as your Lord, just slip your hand up, praise God. Slip your hand up, praise God. Just slip your hand up, praise God, praise God. Repeat this prayer with me everybody, so our sisters that are about to come into the kingdom aren't alone. Dear Jesus, thank you for giving your life for mine. Thank you that all I have to do is ask you to forgive me and you will. So now I take a step of faith and I say, forgive me of my sins. I take a step of faith and I ask you into my heart right now. And I receive you as my Lord and savior. If you're here right now, and maybe you were where I was three years ago, you're pretty wounded. You've been beaten pretty bad. Satan has had a field day with you and you're like, I got a glimmer of who I really am tonight and I need a touch from the savior. I am like that bleeding woman that needs to touch and feel the power of God again. I need a healing touch physically, emotionally or spiritually. Raise your hand. Lord, you see your daughter's hand right now. She's reaching out to you and she's saying, touch me. Give me a new peace, a new purpose, a healing unlike no other. God, you promise that you are close to the broken heart. And so whatever they need to do to get healed, whether it's cry, whether it's to get counsel, whether it's to do something out of the ordinary that's obedient, whatever it is you show them by the power of your Holy Spirit, what that is. Maybe there's something they need to let go over someone, but whatever it is you know and we ask that you would touch them now in Jesus name.