 Boomer on and the day's guess we've got a magical and the McLaren and how are we gonna very well James? Thanks for having me. Thanks for being on here mate. Obviously ex footballer. Yeah, but you're a poster But to compare to some people man people look at your careers a success when the Scottish Cup with the D-90 Scotland Caps Scotland under 16 World Cup final Score apparently the only guy Well, there's only three years. I think we scored the final in the World Cup final at the Scotty so It was a good start to the career. The rest of it. I just don't know if I hung my boots up after that So Cassie won't go in. Yep. Right go back to the start mate. So grown-up Cassie won't go. How was it? Ah, it was It was an experience. No, I loved it. Listen, I loved it. Um, there's always plenty of day. Um as I say there was Loads of football pitches in a bit Casimo. And so most of my most of my time Is our own guy was spent playing football. Um As I say, it's Let's go to reputation. Uh, but listen, it's like anything if you're fair replacing, you know, everybody It's it was fine, you know, because I could play football The boys kind of looked after me the older boys and stuff. Um, but no, it was Listen, there was there was plenty of ups and downs. Um, growing up In the late 70s early 80s, it was a it was a bit of a madness, if I'm being honest. Um I say that you would come in and you know Kick to Arsue to Glasgow, kick to Arsue to Scotland, but particularly Glasgow at the time and um a lot of poverty, a lot unemployment and a lot of crime, but to me it was normal. Um If that's what you're used to, that's what you're used to, you know, so, um, I don't It's just a shelf that you'd written That machine You know yourself you're dropping the madness as it becomes you man. It just becomes a norm, you know, I mean You've you seen you see things Probably on the on the normal, you know But it become normalized because you see them not much violence and things like alcohol and and all that So it just becomes a norm here. Um That was that was me growing up When did you realize you had a talent and a gift at right? Fuck me. I've got something here because obviously to get to a World Cup final We Scotland under 16s playing at Hamden and he's not beating the final, but it was all the papers They had fucking Beards and I think we're probably Hi, they were saying they were older. Ah, they were a lot older. Definitely. Um, I listen it was for a young age Listen, I probably wasn't a different thing in baseball, you know, I wanted to be a everybody He wanted to be a professional footballer, but for a young age I was I knew it was good, you know, I always played a couple of a couple of years up. Um my first team is the team for Casmo Clyde Boys Club about Mrs. Craig, Mr. Craig took them and they were great people They just wanted to get to beans it but he's after stating give them something positive. Um, so I say I started playing about seven like Um, an organized football about seven before that was always I was always kicking a ball, but you know always You just after where I went at the ball um And that's what people don't see, you know, they think you just get to 16 and sign professional forms, you know, there's There's a lot of work isn't there before that, you know to get to to get to the level where you're playing with Scotland You're getting picked for Scotland under under 16s. Um, and that was What an experience that was. Who's the manager? Craig Brown is the manager and Royce Murphy, but that that full year, I mean Obviously they knew the World Cup was coming to Scotland. So they were putting a lot on it. Um A lot on it in the team. They wanted the team to be prepared and obviously know let the the country down, you know, so um That year, I mean, it was a big year school wise for a lot of boys. No for me. Um, but Because a lot of them are sitting exams and stuff like that, you know, so we've been maybe been Switzerland and I mean, we were away all the time that year. We were um, we went to Switzerland in Denmark and We've got two tournaments, as I say, so we're just getting They were preparing us properly for For the World Cup. Um, and then when it started, well, I was Broughy, you know, Perley came for the opening ceremony. Do you meet him? Hi. So, um, go to shake Perley's horn um For a wee guy, if he cast me, that was amazing. As I say, cast me, cast me, he's five minutes away from Faye Hamden and I think after the first game, I think I'm pretty sure I get the bus up the road, you know, um You're playing the World Cup and then you're walking around and getting to get in the bus up the road Um, but as I say, it was it was some experience. We we drew the first game and then get through the group stages and played Germany In the quarters up at Petodium. We beat him one now and then The semis was a 10 castle There was like 30,000 though. That's probably 30,000, 10,000 looked to it. They had it was here golden generation Portugal's golden generation, the guys like Louis Figo, Ray Costa, all these guys that went on and had unbelievable careers, but we've beaten one now. Um And that was us into the final. Um And again, the final was at Hamden. 60,000 people. I still speak to people to this day that were 1989 and um, as I say, we're two nothing up two nothing up gone well and then They were I remember being in the tunnel looking up at these guys I mean, I've got a photo in my phone. I'll show you after this, you know, but it's like ridiculous, you think if you're going to cheat trying to wee bit me or something, you know The big beads and all that, you know, you're right. I mean, I was maybe 15. I'd just turned 16 actually No pubes yet No, there's not any way, man. You know, you're still uh, a wee bit shagging at the show and all that I mean, these guys, as I say, they were They were a lot, they were a lot more mature than us. Um, and we're two nothing up then physically they were stronger, you know, so back to 28, 20 penalties and I think I was the first one. I wasn't the first one out to take my penalty. That was the first one that says I'll take one. Um, as I say, that's I've practiced for years, you know, and even as a wee guy, we used to get any hand during the summer and The gates would be open so we would sneak in and we'd go and run a bit of partner or that Um, so I'd always I'd always dreamed about playing at Hamden and um, and today that's 16 year old and um, I can't remember my mom and dad with her. Um Then I looked up when it went to penalties and I says, I'm taking the third one and I've seen my mother Reading their huns. Um But as I say, that's Listen, you're playing the World Cup for you know, that's what playing football is all about for me, you know They they big they big moments, you know having That's what you've practiced or eight years for that's what I did, you know I mean, I had to a million penalties before then, you know, me and my brother used to go to the Uh, out of the school across from us and we'd take penalties and that's and I and it was always this is This is the World Cup final. This is the Scottish Cup final, you know, you're a wee guy. So um, as I say, I rehearsed that umpteen times and Yeah, I'm glad to see that scored. I put a keeper around me. Um And then after that was as I say, it was back up the road to Casmo. I mean, um back to reality Me and, um, that's a great story. Me and Gary Bowling, um, But it was a boy from the day, please, it was a boy from the day right at the time, but we were a parlay I said, so, so after that we were going, we were going to a party, one of the boys um Steiden Kirk and Tilly, my guy, the convo, um, and he was having a party that night So I'm saying to Gary, Gary Bowling, just come back to mine so we'll get changed and then we'll head out to a party So we've got out of the road Oh, my family's in a mad Casmo house, my granny's, my granda's and all that. It's a rare on the drink, not a thing um and I've So I've, we've had a couple of drinks and I'm saying to Gary Bowling, right, we need to go and get a carry out So he's looking at me So there's a pub around the corner. Um, it's our way now, but it was, it was some pub that was a mad to us. Um But I'm only 16 year old, so we're walking around and he's like, all right, get a carry out and I'm saying, aye, aye So I've just walked right into the pub. He's looking at me as if, what are you doing? Walked right into One of the other officers says, how are you doing? She's like, uh, brilliant Andy. She's like, you're done well, you're done brilliant today son I'm like, oh, I cheers and I was like, he's a bolt of vodka and six cans and Gary Bowling's like, is this for fucking real, you know I mean, you're just playing under 16 World Cup and you're up getting a carry out There was, there was, um, there was none of this, um, getting asked for ideas, you know, so it was, um, Gary Bowling still goes on But that was, that was the way it was, you know, I mean, I was drinking, I started drinking at young age. I was drinking about 12, 13 But he's about a wee bit older, so as I say, I was, that's what everybody done Right, I pass you, do you want it? I see pure hours Pure pressure around, I was, I was, I was like, why do you need me to drink all day in it? You know, I mean, I was, I was a willing participant for a day What? Did anybody ever try and take you under the wing, but go look one, get your fucking act together, you've got massive potential, you don't drink, it's a mugs game Um, at age, no, no really, no, um, I see it was, everybody's drunk, everybody's filled, I thought everybody had a new drink, you know I mean, it was, where's the Scotland in it? We all, you go to your parties, we are family and your granny grand is, everybody's up smoothing in the house All right, you were opening the door man, it's like a fucking steam train coming through I mean, I used to, I would go out with my granies in a saddle, then it used to be fucking a mattress My granny, my two granny's died in Park Keed, and one of them was, one of my granies, my ma's ma, my ma's ma, there was ten of them There was five, five boys and five last years, and seeing a Saturday, the dogs go real and it was fucking, you know, it was growing a lot of fat Or old facts and attics and so on and that, it was, it was carnage because there were about 30, 40 bodies in the house and they'd all be drinking Um, and that was, that was the way it was, you know, everybody, as I say, everybody had a new drink I mean, you've seen the problems it caused, but that was, it was a normal life to do that That was the way it was, you know what I'm saying? All the brothers getting through at the house at 12 o'clock at night fighting And they were fighting each other, and the brothers fighting, and that was, that was, that was, that was the way it was, it was, that was the way it was Wake up the morning, you get your murals and saucies, get your papers and I used to go out with my granny since she always had a big pot of soup, always had a big pot of soup So my granny snagged right across the park here, so I remember even when I played, you know, it was Obviously when I got in at the first team night in the night, I would get her there, just walk across the And get a big plate of soup, you know, you never even go to a plate, you just had a big ladle, you know what I mean? And everybody fired in, you know, I mean it was just one of them, you know, I mean it was, it was probably, as I say, grown up Um, grown up in Casmo, it was, you had to be a wee bit lively as well, a wee bit street wise, you know what I mean? But as I say, I fitted right in it, you know, you probably would change it Grown up there, man No, that's nice Part of the effort, man It made me work more, you know, it gave me a lot of lessons Um, and I grew up with good people doing about me People that maybe drank drugs, maybe got a grip on them later on in life, but they were good people, you know, and Life wasn't, wasn't he, maybe as kind to them as other people, you know, and maybe end up with addictions or Just maybe never a good start in life, you know what I mean? It's easy to fall off the path in these places, and it's not like anybody's bad, and it's not like I'm putting anybody down You're just surrounded, which becomes the norm when you think is acceptable See me, he's played so, did ever get fucking burst lines around in that show when there was no a big conspiracy after that? The thing is, you're going up against a country, aren't you? Because they've obviously got passports and all that sort of being dropped and that kind of thing So, I must have been, I must have been, and FIFA has done no hardly going up against a country You see it about like Nigerians and Cameroons, they play under 18s, but they're 24, 25 That has come out in the past I think there's something, there's something to do, because There's been so many boys that's come out here saying Nigeria and all that and Telling you they're 15, 16 and I don't know, they're 21, 22 But how do you prove it then? It's all the later on, once you get there, mate, they're 28, they're really 35 Can they run, you know what I mean? Right, so, but I think they do something, it's like a bone check or something, aren't they? They can, they can do something They can, they can, I think clubs do that now Because I think they've been getting stung a lot Who was all the boys at Scotland, Andy, that you played way to there? I'm kicking on their careers Well, big Brian Anil, when I was in his shell, his first team played in Germany Played in the Premier League, B. Paul Dickoff Oh mate, I'm sorry, I remember him Gary Bowlin, played with many Rangers My shell, big Scott Marshall But there's loads of good boys, but for one reason or another You know, I mean, it probably happens in a brother country You know, I mean, because you get boys at 14, 15 Who, you bet you're hustling it, they're going to be fat blurs And then, two or three years later, maybe they don't grow Or their attitude doesn't get right Or, it can be any man, any number of reasons Injuries, you know, I mean, a lot of, a couple of the boys at Apple They do get bad injuries We'd tell McMillan, who's a great player He done his name by getting the convo, problems with his pelvis And all that, so, it can be any number of reasons, you know Some people just fall in love with the game as well, you know what I mean It's, because it's intense, you know, it's Is it my fault, because there's a lot of sacrifices I've got to be made for some of them What age did you sign for your 90s? I signed when I, probably about 13 I think I signed when I was about 12, actually I signed a schoolboy for, when I was about eight times There was a lot of clubs that I signed me Rangers that I signed me as well But, I went to a certain school at that time You're allowed Well, Rangers wanted to sign me, they were changing it all But, going to school in Casemont I can try to outrun 500 people every time I was quite, I wasn't, I've been going back So, ah, listen, my dad was a big Rangers fan So, listen, I did, I don't, I've never been caught up No, not half of my farm myself finds an awful Ranger So, I find that that's a part of Glasgow that I don't really like, you know There's some of the, there's some of that crap, you know And because we're all, and everybody gets on it at the best of times, isn't it? And then, you get one game, I, one game every cup a month and it's fucking carnage, you know I'm not the one that wants to kill each other So, when you win the Scottish Cup with the D-90 that must have been a massive day for you Massive, aye, bro As I say, that's, as a kid, that's what you, that's what you're dreaming about then, aren't you? For me, as a kid, anyway Scottish Cup final was always a massive day Back in the 80s Because there wasn't much flip on it, you know So, Scottish Cup final was a big day It was a big build-up And I remember sitting, you know, a day watching it And then, to get to playing it And saying, nah, I was 20-year-old I probably didn't take, take as much in as I should have I remember Maurice Malfoy as he was a carpenter at the time, saying it was a foley game And they'd take everything, and I'm like, no, you don't know When you were back here I was 20, and I'm thinking, I'll be fucking playing these every year You know, that because that's what you like No arrogant, but you're confident in your, you know I never got to explain another one after that, you know I wish I had to, but as I say, when you're 20-year-old people try and give you advice, don't you? But you know everything, don't you? You know, there's nobody can tell you anything, you know Because I knew fucking everything And I knew nothing, you know I mean, I thought, I thought I knew everything And it's only now When you look back, when we buy experience and we all get hidden And you think, ah, he was right, he was right, you know But, I think so, sorry A great hanging up Were you drinking that then? Oh, aye Partying in that before the United days Were you ever pissed before a game? No, no, no, no I had never, I wouldn't have drank that Friday night I mean, if some of the stories I've heard of it, we've been able to be true I would never have made it I would never have been on a photo party Anyway, you know, I mean Taxi drivers are brilliant, aren't they? You know that Me and Charlie, I mean, some of the stories that have been told about us to I mean, we wouldn't have been No, so That's the worst one, you've heard I've heard of, I've been crawling up Casemault driving a Friday night for a game and things like that Oh, that's push, you know I mean, I was standing there, you know I mean And I never crawled anywhere, you know I was I was taking other stuff to so I wasn't crawling about, you know So, aye, but as I say If I'd been up in the United, I was partying I was I would be going out now I would come home on a Friday night or a Saturday, depending on whether you've been on the reserves or the first day or that And at that point, 89, 90 the rave seam can have exploded and the glass would have done it So, me and my pals were gone, you know My pals were working, organising some of them and things like that So, I would come home and my pals would be going out What do you do, sit in the house? That's what I should have done But now I'm happy to get back to my pals and extra sales appeared by then So, I'd be taking out the weekend and then going up Wednesday, Thursday before your kids normally again, you know your kids can bugle, do you know I mean, because you're partying all weekend and then you're you can't even train properly But, as I say, I was always really naturally fit so I could get in the Monday morning I could do the running I could do the training But as I say, I was I was a professional Dedicated I was dedicated, you know because I I mean, it was time that I can remember I was we were banding my female sister then we were talking about it at times that we'd been a partying this out on the night like it's always like a mad two-party maybe you could buy it after a night club or if you'd been here even and you'd been in the house all night and then I'd be training this Sunday morning and you used to drive up within day No sleep No being to bed And maybe two or three years you'd go up and get a carry-out so what you doing and all that it was just it was mental, you know but you were only getting in for like a wander you drive up within day you're running the park eight, nine times and then you're going to get chained then you park down the road but a number of occasions I've done that but I'd never no never before a game like maybe a Thursday night but never never a night before a game like that Do you think that was a loyalty towards your pals as well because you grew up with him and you kind of think know yourself or he's forgotten he's asked him he's changed you know what I mean Right, that'll help Aye but listen I'm gonna be honest I fucking enjoyed it Aye See the start I enjoyed getting out and getting drunk and having a laugh at my pals and towards the end of my drink there was no enjoyment but when you're 16, 17 you're a fuck up where you've got a couple of quid and you're broke you're mates you're mates you know what I mean it's the name day listening to a few of them said to me you shouldn't have been in it a lot of them said to me I wish if I was you I wouldn't have been in that but it's all down to you and that well I need to be forcing it down my name day was forcing drink and to me or whatever you know what I mean I was I was listen there was there was reasons why I drank as well you know when my dad died when I was 16 and there was stuff happening to me as a kid and my in-serm was born when I was 17 so I'd a lot going on you know and sharing about that time I probably went and get a big bit of professional help went and spoke to us I called it but need is you grow up in the west of Scotland and I was brought up not to show my feelings and were emotions sad it's the way you can talk you know what I mean tell anybody nothing and you know what I mean and deal with your own problems you know don't don't tell anybody so I mean my dad died and I was back at training I think about a week later between a half later and it was actually an environment you never went in and somebody said listen if you're struggling or like it was just right actually you're back in it was nothing like that you know there was no support network there was there was nobody to talk to you about it no I mean I don't know if I spoke to anybody about it it'd have been nice to to have that option you know I mean and because need is you just I'm alright I'm alright I'm alright you're alright you're just you just lost your dad you know what I mean and and then my dad died then two three months later my son was born and I fucking didn't even call out to be a dad I'm gonna be honest you know what I mean and I didn't know what I was doing and I didn't have that fucking father figure you know what I mean to to keep me right especially later on I needed somebody just to talk to me because my mum had it was four years you know when I was the oldest she had three young ones to bring up you know what I mean she was only 33 and I feel I feel young for me to bring up you know as I say it was fucking it was hard for me it was a lot harder for her do you think you covered it up well then like the we've got a no depression but you know what I mean just hiding for your feelings and emotions and my back pain the name they ever see the signs and go no because as the boy I think because we're growing at it aren't we we're the best actors in the world you know because I don't act if I face for a pub and I face for a house you know you've you've become you've become who people want you to be you know Andy was always a laughing joke he laughed the life and soul of the party so and that becomes trying and on and that becomes tiring you know because sometimes Andy doesn't feel like fucking me now but it's expected you know what I mean so I it was hard but as I say fucking best alcoholics and addicts are the best actors in the world didn't we we'll get a face for everybody different faces for different places and if people look at you and they perceive you or there's Andy boys always happy when we get to make money he's doing well so that mask automatically comes on and you start and then you get that life as well and you get a thought up there you know what I mean so it's usually it's a why not but it's he got to be fucking depressed about because you know what I mean but it's he got to be down about he's getting the best job now but it's like it's an ability to feel sorry if you're Gigi Simpuffe you don't get that because how can he you know what I mean he's getting the best job in the world and rather you know but you're human and you've got fucking faults and failings that I've got like the hell he's getting into problems like every single one is and I just I thought when I was young I'd see we got a big horse and a plenty of a a big motor and plenty of money and that's you you've not got any problems you just get different problems you know what I mean you get more money but you just get sent to my problems you know so I remember being as I said I remember being a young boy and thinking if I become a father I'll probably get a big horse and a big motor and I remember having a Raymond my fucking unhappiest guy in the world you know what I mean still battling with the demon internally on it yeah still still aye and drinking drugs was was my coat mechanism that helped me love myself you know if I felt it was bad about myself I went and got drunk and it was a scape as in you know so that was all right it's turned on your pain just to make you forget but as I say as you got older the more you do it the more you fuck me because a hundred times was well aye because at the start I was thinking is there a wee honeymoon period in it aye I was thinking this is brilliant I can use that I can use cocaine and the fucking you know and that that sobers me up and all that stuff and it's a life story aye and then it starts getting a wee grippy in it you know aye you need that one and you can you got them on you're rattling you want another drink and you're away you're arguing with your mistress so you can get out of the house and you know all the stuff that comes with it you know I mean I used to start fights just so I could go out you know what I mean cause I like this and she would she would go at me and I know you're trying to then she would get my dick you know what I mean but it's horrible it's horrible when you look back now but I said that was the journey I had to take you know and see if I was still doing that today then I said if I was still doing that I wouldn't be here again aye you would get 100% and that's the majority of the people you've probably grew up with the majority I probably did aye I just I said do you know what I mean what you can do about it look we're hard drinking and using drugs aye a few of them plus and a star a few of them hanging on but but that was it was a kind of environment you grew up in and it was hard drinking hard loving as I say but a lot of the boys are dead now and they died at young ages 30 olds and 40s and taking heart attacks and things like that you know and we you get to this age and we're people that haven't looked after ourselves are they start falling by the wayside you know I mean there was obviously when you're younger boys you get murdered and boys you're putting them long prison sentences you know that as well you know what I mean I was lucky that I'd fit though you know because I could I was easily I was needy for anyone of them you know before you're not yourself in the drugs or you're you're doing the violence just to get by you can you can exchange for the fit but if you're a passionate love people love fucking harming people because it gives them that buzz gives them that sense of I'm in charge to get the adrenaline pumped do you know what I mean but like I say you've come through it all aye aye do you know what I mean listen as I say it was it's hard at times you know there's ups and downs and you can but that's life you know I mean that's the great life I look back I've had a lot of shit in my life but I've had a lot of great stuff as well I've been in all the world we've had well you know places I never thought I'd ever see you know be brazilian ups you know like my Christ the Redeemer and places like that and just you know but you know as I say it's my life's been good it's been ups and downs and erm aye as I say but I've been there I've been there to change it erm because it it's made me home all the day you know if I hadn't been through all that pain I wouldn't have done all the analysis in my shell and it'll dig deep dig deep and and going in doing a lot of work myself going seeing psychologists and finding out what was wrong with me and A and C and all these things and and I was lucky that I get right good people and I've made some unbelievable people as well who've showed me showed me how to love myself when I kidnap myself you know just showed me a wee bit of love and and taught me erm taught me how to be a man because maybe the other as I say my dad died at 16 so now he did showed me you know I mean you need a bit of guidance then you need erm er oh boy past you were taught that they don't be greeting aye aye that was me that was kind of far away my grander my all grander he passed away fucking but he was a great old guy but he was old school mm that was the way it was you know I mean you don't show your feelings your emotions your fucking you know I mean if there's happening you the family deals and all that kind of stuff you know I mean about that that was I'm saying I'm not saying it's that was the way they were you know tough I'm not fucking I'm not having a go you know I'm not that was the way it was in the days you know with nowadays people are a lot more open and if you've got problems they're a lot more lightly open up because because you think that I'm saying because you the things you you know things like I'm saying people are mm hmm because everybody they're fucking struggling oh I know you pass there in some way you know you know I might know we you know but everybody's getting me battles it doesn't matter if you're the richest guy in the world or the poorest guy you've all got your you've all got your folks and your feelings and your way but that's why the suicide rate is so high and I speak about it nearly every week men 75% of them keep dating it's cause they don't speak to her but there's emotions with suppress I've written in time we get a certain age we're fucked we're mentally fucked and it takes years to unravel that again and find out who you're do you know what I mean and you don't know how to talk as well mm hmm you know because can't drink can you that's get a line didn't you ah yeah that was the advice you get you know because people didn't want you talking about stuff like that didn't they because everybody was we were all in a pub kid norm we've got a fucking great life right all the answer unless they're just never greeting go down and then the fucking phone goes in the amno here you know that was that was the public was it the letterboats and the blinds so you know so everybody everybody hit it you know even even the the hardest guys in the place that happens it drove them it was fair ever you know you know if you see that you know I'm no fair for anybody but it was a fair you know that's a barrier to you don't come near me it's all but the loudest angriest guy in the room so I'm no dame to come near me but fair drives him you know because I spoke to a guy who's bonkers and he says I didn't know he says I'm scared of everything he says but I wasn't scared of nothing you know I mean it's but that's ah that's the way it is I just just fucking meant on it but um where was the turning point for you then Andy when did you eventually go I need to seek help I need fucking I go and speak to somebody because that man he's fried um well film the drug test at Redden um I did nine years in the United first few years flying 2021 I was getting linked to self-tape by the million pound for me um there was all teams in English premiership and all that try to get me but as I say the longer I stay the more my drinking misprogression and my drug tape misprogression um and the big move never never happened um it's my fault you know uh well teams get wind of you ah the party and ah ah definitely because that was Scottish football as a village everybody knows everybody everybody knows um but run about 2021 that was when I was I was still partying but I wasn't partying as much you know I mean I was younger and I could I was getting a Saturday and then I might be getting a Sunday and then you might be but during the week once or twice you know but when you're young you can get up in the morning you can go to train you can train hard you can deal with that you know but my drinking get better and it was there was a part you made it was because I I didn't even hate it I was one of the longest seven players and I was the lowest bid you know so it was about ah I fucked us you know because taking a cunt at you but I because I had a single one of these fucking my dear contracts I had in the days and and they kind of stopped but I was still the only one they were bringing in boys and getting them I was on about 200 a week and there was boys on two grand and then it's the Saturday and we need you to do this and I'm like fucking he's he's the one he's the one with the big money she was asking have you didn't so there was a wee bit of resentment to the way I've been treated at the club I think and I kind of I fucked it off you know what I mean I just thought they've treated me like shit you know what I mean and not back million pounds and and that doesn't need that I should I should I should I should I took but is that your loyalty for them well they never they showed me loyalty but listen see if you're doing the same job as someone again and he's getting 10 times what you're getting how you just you know what I mean it's pissed off it's so that was that was and it was sorry come on Andy we need you we need you you know um but that's why I'm thinking fuck off you know what I mean it's you know but we poached that up come on and and he spoke to me and he says listen he says I've seen what you've getting it's a it's a discration I want you get you biting I'm I want away I just wanted away but I'm pointing I sent me red and I was I went down to redden to get away from I thought I was on the way but I was I was trying to run away from me you know I mean I was the first time looking I took away from you you know I remember getting down and getting a flight down to redden and um on the flight and talk to myself and write this a great opportunity to get down there and get yourself fat and fucking stay out of it boozing out of other stuff and and you'll rip this league up and then you'll get a move and and that was that was my thinking um but my actions were totally different I was in there about a week and fucking I was way worse because I was in a hotel they put me in a hotel I was in a hotel myself um and it was just fucking it was bedlam you can cost the frobing that and they they get missed back came home sit aye I mean that was she's a young kid as well get moving out and he was I was hard 16 year old and you move I had just turned 16 and you were up there all waiting it's hard you know I mean people's laughs you're missing cash more I was you know I was missing my family I was missing my pals and just you can't even have to change you just see if you're back if you're down the road you can go go and see your pals or this you know what I mean or where you you get back to your digs and you just why the back there was there was a good bunch she's out enough there was a crack it there was loads of that were on the same boat so walking I looked they called us a new breed up there were all fucking wild doing I mean it was all boys should less getting big don't fair get some of that and we used to just need a big fucking not get some we used to just do mad things you know we don't get any change you know and it I mean we just fucking turn the lights off and use batteries or or I was just make up that game we used to pass the time you know I mean it was just because we were bored and and then we'd have nights out we don't one of the boys had a flack we'd go down and it was all days just fucking it was a Sega mega drive that's how long it was and we'd go down there and we'd have tournaments and we'd get drunk and have a laugh and so it was brilliant it was and the boys were all great but we were on the same boat you know I mean and then as I say I went I went to Redmond I was 25 and it was fucking as I say it was bedlam bedlam just drinking it was breading 20 minutes for London so I had a couple of mates in London so Napa and Aaron and as I say I was I was doing it about 10 months filled the drug test I remember being on the training ground the drug testers came in on it sent me one of the boys who was on it and she was the drug testers shot myself you know because I know what I've been doing the night of four and I knew if to be in that boat I knew I knew the consequences and by that time my old man was about 10-year-dead and I used to talk to him just when I was in trouble never anything did so I was kept out of that swan down on Odette again you know we make me deals ain't ya and I I seen that before I went in there and I believe that he did tell me it wasn't an answer I was looking for I was looking to I said but I believe it she found it I took that drug test at that time I don't know I be deeded it you know because it was I was half a scale you know I was never caught the police suicide I said a couple of times with a couple okay attempts at it um getting a line of mate ones um and I was just I was fucking sick being sick you know sick being a pest to everybody and I'd been arguing with my mum she's too early she was walking through and ending I took her phone we were arguing the way through and I can remember coming back I was in tears I was just fucking tired you know what I mean and I seen a big article I said I'm getting under that and I fucking my legs went twice and my legs would and my arms wouldn't they pulled me steering me and we went by telly toby houses at Livingston um it was a free big fucking mad house and see about two weeks before that mean my two boys had been gonna line ya and I was kidding actually the telly toby's live and all that they were young at the time and and that's what brought me with it because I seen that and I thought right fucking put on and that was when I had to go I had to go and deal with my past you know I had because I had stopped drinking and I stopped using but my head was fucking still puggled doing it because I was drinking and using for a reason you know and I hadn't dealt with the reason you know I hadn't I hadn't went and dealt with it um I tried to I went and it was about three or four doors and you know prescribed my tablets and stuff and I'm saying I don't I need somebody to talk to I need so I caught I'm putting a waiting list I'm saying fucking I need to talk myself here you know what I mean um and I because I because I had money I was I could go private and I went I swam in she saved my life you know there's no doubt about it you know um there was stuff that I was never ever ever gonna tell anybody and within five minutes of meeting her had opened up fucking got it all out and you know and it it felt as if somebody just lifted something right off me it's she and it when I left her out there on end seeing my moustache and I was fucking high as a kite and spoke to guys you know at least and just can make come down you know what I mean you know of course I had a few fucking brewing and um and that it's so good I um and I had a good few sessions you know what I mean um and I that I put it out of bed you know I just just I had in about 20 30 year can I think I've done something right and I hadn't you know I was like get a victim and I should have done I was can six or seven year old you know what I mean I didn't you know so um it was good that that kind of freed me up um and then I wrote a book I wrote a book and then I wrote a book up and put it out oh you can't write about that well fuck it I don't care about people thinking me I don't know I've got people don't know about when I love me you know I mean the shitty ones are gonna judge me I don't fucking don't care about them anyway you know what I mean um so and I done it from I never done it from I did date for me I done it for me but I done it because I'd I'd read somebody I'd had a policy I'd never been in and about anything like that and I read it what I read this last story one day now I said committed suicide and then when I read it and I thought that's me I'm gonna then I'm gonna end up like same as well if I don't taste something so that was that was by my thinking I did in the book Big Mark Reedy he's my father he'd done it for a while um he's wrote a few books and he always says mine's the best one he says it was because it's about everything and it's a bit cold and it's cold tormented it was about about a half and 12 years ago um and at that time it was for me it was just freeing me you know I mean the I'd done an A for for a while and see try to do steps I couldn't I couldn't get by the fourth and first step because I couldn't physically write it down couldn't physically write down what happened to me so I go to somebody else's to get and fucking and put it in the book it's a wee bit extreme but that was it worked for me that was that was the sense of release aye there's a worst of me you know I mean can that be you thinking about that's you know and as I said there's a brief thing that they made to put your aye life out there and what you've went through listen I I'm not gonna lie and see I've just done it and it was it was a spell a I basically blanked my mark for about two weeks because I I wasn't sure what I was doing you know I wasn't sure if it was a right idea but once it came out and now aye I'm I'm I'm glad I done it you know but at the time I was having because it was a usual shit well people thinking me you know what I mean see you know fuck everybody else I don't you know what I mean I don't know it was for me um and it was it was it was about worrying about what people with but as I said I've passed that it's days you know really I've got people knowing about me that love me and care about me that's that's a mean thing you know and I saw it started after the drug test at redden did you think you get single-handedly picked or was it random well I don't I think it was about about a bath no I think it was a you know um it was a kind of random but fucking test time as well you know what I mean um but as I say that it was the best thing that happened to me James because I went then went and get help the English pay a favour absolutely me nervous it um we worried about the papers not an on-the-in or the news I well I'd considered anything it was going to be that big a story but when it broke it was fucking ridiculous it was like I mean I was I had to go to hearing in Leeds um just before but before that before that when I knew I'd failed the failed the drug test I went in I said to redden the last time I'm home sick down here I found out it took two weeks or something for the drug test to come back um and I knew that the club was trying to cut money just trying to get people off the wage bill so I was due I was due a sign on fee I was due I was due a lot of money I was due hundreds of thousands of pounds but I knew if I tried to haggle I wouldn't get so I got about 30 I think I got between 30 40 grand I think I got about 38 grand or something by pay off before the results come back and then I went up the road I had a fucking check for 38 grand so it was party time you know and to that point I think I was trying to fucking thank myself to death I was drinking um and just using every day um and every night I'd go to bed if I went to bed and hope I didn't wake up you know what I mean I had as I said I had a fucking beautiful wife two kids and self fishing fucking self centre but everything was about me you know what I mean I have a um and then I went down as I said to go to this hearing and they said to me you've got five minutes to tell anybody before it leads to the press I'm like that's nothing leads can you just wait till I go up the road and tell my man or that face to face no no stories breaking so by the time I left the train station and walked to the tell and walk to the train station it'd been only fucking news and I've got my man the phone greeting and um so I just went and carried it for the train up the road um and for the next week it was like first night on a six o'clock news it was like front page every newspaper and um and for me that was it was about OTT you know but I was fucking it's I was hiding and I was lying on the surface and just hid in the room just hid out the way for me you know I remember Maison coming to see me um and I went for something to eat with him and do you know that way you can tell your fuck but by the way somebody else is looking at me that was because he was I could see in his face he's like fuck sake are you alright and I'm like you still think you're alright and I'm like I'm sound just like Andy he was in tears looking at me and I'm that's when I knew I'm in a fucking bad way here you know because I didn't I thought I was still alright um and as I say it was but it wasn't me as well it was like my wee granny Claire's my wee wee granny she used to go to chapel every sunday and all that you know what I mean my wee reading about me and the papers you know my granddaughter all this stuff you know your mama my two boys one of my oldest boys was at school you know I didn't go to school I think that's plastered out of the paper you know I mean drug fucking junkie and alcoholic and all that stuff you know so it was all the aim it it suffered no me you know because I just had it away I don't know fucking usually do you know I mean just when things come in tart I just had it away and then I went into the prairie and as I say first week and I had to do that you know you know everybody was honest and fucking tell the truth and I'm like what the fuck what the fuck like the back of the room I have I've lied and cheated for the past I've been here you know I mean I was I was what you had today to to live the life I was living and and I was drawing I was drinking and drugs and so everybody was talking about probably well because I was in the fucking newspaper you know at the time so but it was first week and it was hard and then after that I didn't say enjoyed it but I'm beginning to feel better and look towards the future and think right I just I can't be there I said I can't be the first week I'm like I can't be something and just it was me and they would tell me all the day at the time and I'm like aye but I'd have I'd have a wedding in two months my wife and my mates was getting married and I'm like I can't go he has a wedding nobody drinking nobody fucking didn't hear nobody you know it was just to me I couldn't see me then that um but I did there and I go to that wedding and um and it was just building it up just three steps three steps you know I mean just aye that's what it was you know I mean and as I say I was I was very I wasn't I was lucky but because the people getting around about me were fucking unbelievable we were a lot of it became right pals you know Merlin pals you know because there were the things they'd done for me and just just came and every night they'd come and pick me up take me to meetings and tell me what I was suffering from but they were brilliant because they'd come in and talk to my missus and tell her and take her out for something to eat and take my boys out aye because I hadn't even been out to the house all the time we'd still been out to the house all the time because it has that apple effect a few days back like I say it's your way and it's your life it's your family and and they were brilliant it's because so you for about six months to nine months I bought the meetings all the time and then my sponsors like that right cut the new meetings time we started putting about back into the house so they weren't like it wasn't like fucking go to meetings or anything you know it was they were telling me to go to meetings so that I could fucking love in the real world it wasn't like because I see people now in 34 years over and I go on to meetings a day he means I'm eating I didn't want that I wanted to I wanted to be able to love in the real world you know with the problem with the drink you know with the and I thought that once I stopped drinking I'd be alright and I was but I still I still had to work myself you know I was still very selfish and that's something I still work at the day I do work you know myself at the day with that yeah as long as you've been clean sober now 16 years or something you're going for that yeah that's fucking brilliant but it's a shame wouldn't it be here yeah but that's a fine example that people can change me and for anybody that watches there's a lot of people in their struggle mate we've all had fucked up past man we've all been through a lot of shit whether it's abuse mentally, physically drink abuse drug abuse violence and prison people can change me and while you went through all that make the suicide thoughts they abuse the anger the violence he's fucking changed me you go to your shit together and you sink with Kilmarnock yeah and then you end up getting a Scotland call what? yeah I signed with Kilmarnock that was brilliant as well it was about it's a shame when I left the priority I didn't have a club didn't have much money left I mean that 30, 40 grand I think I didn't must have been acting about six or eight are you gambling or not no really no it was I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I've been up when it wasn't like going out and partying you know I mean when you first start drinking it's all going out big fancy night clubs and fucking or a train or a high tide or a piss it wasn't see the words you end up it wasn't like that it was like fucking sat in a room yourself and I couldn't a big bag of gear and you're canned because you didn't want you didn't want to be served that because it was it was horrible and then as I say I signed with Kilmarnock there's about four or five teams as I say I came out of the pride and didn't think it was going to get a cup I thought I might be needing spirit rangers that had got in touch with me when I failed my drug test and said that they'd give me a they'd give me a chance and I thought I might be needing to go there like a cup like that and then when I came out of the priory I was training and stuff I was going running and trying to get myself fat again and I went on a I went on a it used to be Friday sports scene or something I went on that and just just listening and I was looking a lot there's a lot of health there I'd been training I think I'd been in a wee holiday me and the machine the way they're doing the way they're doing away and I said a wee bit of color about me says listen I'm open to offers and just basically a play to give me a chance you know I mean just listen I'm if I drink or whatever then you can you can sack me right away and yeah so there's about three or four clubs going in touch and then doing it and St. Johnston and Hibbs offered me training facilities a big amount of questions the manager there but just command it offered me a three-month contract and it was getting paid right away and I couldn't need any money and that was the bottom line but I liked Bobby Bobby was a guy from Easter who's you understood that aye f**king cold a spade of spades you know what I was saying you know what I'm talking about and he's listening and he says I know you're a good player he says if you're no drinking then you're making other stuff he says but if you come in training any day and you're smelling a drink and he's listening and I say no advance an opportunity he says if I dare ask I say f**king just rip my contract up and I went there and and I loved it and I mean McCoy's McCoy's Durant Durant he f**king slaughtered me the first day but I wanted that you know I didn't want people I didn't want because she before I'm no never usually nervous getting into a changing room or that I was never I was never the kind of person I was but that day I was before I went in there I hadn't even been in a changing room for like six months and he did all that shouting the papers about me and this and that and I'm thinking f**king this is going to be a harder day and I thought how do I take this thing out of it because I didn't want boys to be tipped on about me no talking about the right thing and I just f**king you know and I was going to get a case of Budweiser and walk in a changing room and I thought f**k me I bet I'll do that I don't think that'll go down I don't think that'll go down too well so I just I just kind of I went in I was in early just kind of get changed and I was just on the next man and he came in about five minutes later and just f**king killed me just absolutely slaughtered me but that's what he did I was saying that I kind of broke broke down the kind of barriers you know and I kind of used that because there'd be young people at the club and I kind of tried to talk to them you know there was one boy who boy was away from home and all that and I could see he was struggling and I used to just I'd take him up in my house and just f**king go into the computer with the wings and all that you know I was a young boy and he was away from home and I could see you know so I I used my experiences to try and help other people then you know I was and I tried to speak to the young boys about obviously what I'd been through because it was there it was you know that was a thing for me as well I never had any any anonymity you know I'd I mean you go to A and it's I'll go all it's an honest but I'd never had that you know because man I'm just totally public and and I way that was a good thing you know I remember being at a we were at a meeting during the nursery one day I mean a couple of the boys and there's this old woman this wee woman came up to me I know who you are son I know who you are and I'm like f**ks and I'm like that and I remember my old Chris came in he's like who the f**k is he then she's like you're the guy after Chris's advice she thought it was a guy like that and I'm like that and old Chris went to her Hi, hi, hi I'm right she's like bit going to no tell anybody because because you lose his contract to the Chris so there's somebody who I'm doing the nursery I think it's f**king Gary Limickers and I'll call it I think he has anyway that bastard but listen it loads of laughs you know I mean my recovery's been about a lot after as well you know you're smashing them off f**king great and stuff you know I mean as I say early days and I had great people running about me people that really took my under a wing and that's important early days and recovery on it you know you get the right people running about you because basically the other ones it's going to show you how to get sober you know because you don't know where then you know so you get the right people running about you it's f**king absolutely vital it seems a bit like I say when you're a low frequency if you're taking drink and drugs you're going to be surrounded with the same people if you start stopping yourself and progressing and then better thing in life better people come into your life seem you started going through your change and started going f**k me I'm believing in myself again did a lot of people reach out to you a lot of football players and say look Andy boy I'm f**king going down this route as well there's been a few there's been a few I don't know the name the names are happening there's been boy I've been and spoke to a few boys and and that's something that I really love today I keep saying it but maybe I'm f**king asking but I'd love to get into every club in Scotland and see all the young boys and just tell them because I remember being at school when some guy came in and talked to me about drugs and I knew about drugs in him and I was 14 you know because you know it's like James you grew up in you grew up in this game yeah you're street wise you know f**king who's Dean what it is you know this guy came in with a shirt and a casing or came told me about drugs and you know so I would like and young people they're not f**king daft you know see if you're telling the truth you know they'll know when you're bullshitting then you know they'll all get phones they'll just google shit and they're not saying so I would love to get in and speak to you I'd love to get in and have the club in Scotland and tell the young people about the pitfalls because I need to listen see if one person listens it's worth it on it you know I need to train about the Justin man get the Andy Boy involved man he's got the story to tell because listen I've been there I've done everything that they've done you know I've come through and I've played them before you know so there's nothing there's nothing I've I've no done and there's a say on me but just using that experience you know I think it's going to waste just I would love to I would love to do that especially on the streets like Lesgandie because I've done but it's a rough city man it's tough yeah there's nobody to look up to role models to go out like you look up to people they don't really they're no really for the right reasons yeah for the right reasons it's not mean if you post for a cast you're looking up to people with the nice buzz the big cars but fucking for their for what they did anyway are they in the jail do you know what I mean and we always had role models I mean she growing up in the cast was an interesting thing you always she needed it always seemed to be a couple of photo players you know so there was Bernie Slaven he used to come and take my Bernie Slaven played the album over at the time and he used to come and take my school team but I remember looking up to him Bernie ended up going and playing my models but in Republic Island I had to do great career but at that time he was playing with Albin Overs and I remember thinking wow he's playing with Albin Overs if he can do that I can do it and then another boy Drew McBride too who went to Manny Ita as a kid and but they were a wee bit older me so I could look around and think well they can do it whereas nowadays there's no as many you know I mean there's no football but he's always walking class I think it's just kind of get away from that now because it's because it costs a it costs a lot you know it's very expensive when did you get your first Scotland call up what age I was 20 it's 27 and this was after average as soon as I was after average and it was it was that moment it was like nearly a year to the day I went in at the priori you know there's no many people getting a fucking psychiatric hospital and then came out and a year later they're playing for a country you know so that was that was amazing I was in I was in my Houston school Bride at the time and do you know man a guy had been he was a guy that told me a year before that that had played for Scotland and I kind of laughed I didn't go clubbing at that time says I I believe you play for Scotland my fucking do you know what I say I've never even got a club but he'd made a faith in me and I did myself and he was sitting it was amazing him he used to come and take my boy he's the footballer and I had to sell it for and he'd come and take my boy to Dylan the games and stuff and he's listening he's a really good pal he became part of the family you know what I mean and he was sitting there and Craig Brown phoned me Craig Brown had capped me fucking all the way up you know and he phoned me he was a manager and had been done before people there's people that phone you up and kid on the reporters and all that all the players there that kid on the reporters and fucking yeah and get me interviews yeah so I thought it was somebody to wind up yeah yeah and then it's Craig Brown and I'm like fuck off and I'm not and then he's phoned back sorry Craig he's like no Andy it's just to call you up from and we were playing Poland in Poland and it was it was a time of the foot mouth outbreak I don't know if you remember but everywhere you went you had to fucking step in a bucket of bleach and when we landed in Poland and that was I think it stuck somewhere heading in as I say the national anthem I mean I know people are a bit but because I was storing it and I'm thinking back to where I came from a year before you know and there was a guy Christian Daley who had known where I was a kid we grew up through the day and night at the girl you know and it was just it was brilliant I'm gonna I was emotional seeing the national anthem when I was on the bus I was I was thinking fuck me how did I manage to get here you know I mean so as I say only only go one cab I believe her I should have got a lot more but listen a lot better pullers than me never get any you know I think it's brilliant mate for what you've done what you've came from trying to change all that mate and fight you fought it mate you fucking beat it let us there we're always gonna be working on ourselves to the degree that I am and what you do with yourself now what you you well listen after I wrote a book started a charity for 10 years I finished that about finished with that about six months ago just things changed and but I loved that used to be what every Friday night but we used to be postal, spring burn our Glasgow and we'd run leagues and stuff but as I say I'm away from that now so and the process is just just going out myself just I'd like you again as I say I've been in a few schools and stuff then talks and wee things like anti-mental health stuff is massive I'm doing a wee bit of what a big Chris Boys charity as well big Chris he's had experience he's he's brother he's brother committed to his side so it's something that's close to him so and obviously with many experiences because there's a lot of messages people just send out me Willie and Ellie it's I'll just talk you know as if if you've got mental health problems if you just talk actually you're going to be all right you know that kind of makes people listen that's a part of it but it's it's there's other parts of it as well you know because somebody and it's a bit talk to the right people as well at the right time and and people have been good listeners as well you know because people love to talk people people like talking and if you're if you know if you're not a good listener you know because no many are good listeners I know it's a bit talk to the right person at the right time but I mean as I say because I'm I'm just being face-bearing so I mean I spoke to about three or four doctors and I'll put you in a waiting list and you'll put you in that you know so it's it's vital to to keep getting that out there and it's probably to talk to you but you need good listeners as well you know and no people are going to judge you and have a good waiting list yeah suicide doesn't doesn't wait do you know what I mean no that's what I'm saying that's how I want you to meet Ann Rowan she's got the suicide she's got a meeting I say I was going to take you yeah she's got the suicide 24-hour centre around Whishaw so people can call went 24 hours a day and they've got like Reiki rooms and all positive stuff paving so so I mean we're all such so fast-paced news as well you know I mean you don't get them and I mean let's go social media as well fucks we had mine see for me social media is a like fucking party you know because everybody's loving us perfect life and you know it's it's sort of a sport mirrors on it for anybody in this struggle and there anybody who thinks there's no way out man what advice would you give them then uh just hang in hang in and get it out put around about you you know see if you're in about meetings or whatever or you know just see if you see somebody elite but they're dead I can't get it I don't ask them gonna use a horn you know that's what it's about I'll help each other you know it's it's just you can't date I say I was bought and bought mine is people think they can oh I was just don't think myself dare I still get me everybody needs a horn everybody doesn't matter who you're in life doesn't matter if you're rich is kind of everybody's everybody's sometime in a life I said somebody who's getting a wee horn somewhere you know you don't get anywhere in life without you know everybody everybody needs a horn you know it's and there's nothing I can ask it you know to get swallow the pride or whatever you know and going I go nice for help you know um and just try that's how you that's how you rest today try your best you know I mean and a lot of days my best doesn't be very good you know but you just keep trying and keep trying and and keep trying to do the right thing um and think they get better I mean I'm loving proof of that you know see if you'd have told me 18 years ago about when I stopped drinking that this would be my life probably I was an excitement shaker I thought it was anything but I love my life today you know I mean I've got a good wife as I say I've got my two boys I do simple things you know I get pleasure out of simple things you know going to re-hold they're going to walk you know just that's the nature of things that's the natural but it's changing your thinking as well you know because I've done a shite my head you know when it took you a man and all that because because you've grown up in the west of Scotland you know you're you're a bloke obviously um working a wire drink I mean I'll be honest to be the bad boy and to get a bit of respect but I try rewire your brain which you can't I I mean it's hard you know but it's it's because your your brain's hardwired and you know it's it's trying to change things that that are basically hardwired then you you know because you've been taught after you've been getting young so it's hard but it's listen it's it's ah anything's achievable well if I can fucking date anybody can date and anybody can change your life and change your mindset but it takes time and it takes effort and it takes a bit of guts to say fuck I'm changing but you can change and it doesn't it doesn't it doesn't happen overnight either you know people think you know you want things it's it's kind of social media stuff everybody wants immediate then you know and you don't get nothing good that easy you know you've got it's a long story to guess it's easy to make it but it's hard to maintain aye it's not a main and you have your options doing this I mean I remember when I fucking first stop drinking man I thought I didn't think my my wains would moan or my wife would moan it where the wains are great or the postman who put balls through your thoughts that's life you know you still people I'm trying my best you know I'm still by the way it's life still happens you know you still get ups and downs and it's how you're still put down your families and things like that you still get all that you know but if you did a right hanging it's out of hand look better and look at the different situations a wee bit better a wee bit clearer and realise that bad shit's going to happen to you in a daily basis do you get put off you know I've always get shanked my life all the way you know I mean to listen we'll get shanked my life you know it's do what it's doing just do it just do it yeah as I said see you know I mean my wee shank he died a couple of months ago and I was just I was just I was the one that came me can you you organise that can you you know and 20 years ago you know I was the last person in the world you know I'm like I'm like kind of reliable one now you know see 20 years ago she first said I was going to meet her at five o'clock I was a fucking 50-50 chance where I was going to be at five o'clock see you know she's for for to be somewhere I'm reliable I'm you know I know whereas before my life was working it was a good place to be because you don't need to lie about you know and you're no try to remember the light you told you know because my life was off and everything was off and I'm like half the time you used to lie about things the thing with me I was just part of the game with it you know and it's it's amazing mate for what you've came through and like you say mate you've had you might maybe no say I don't know where you're looking but you still had a great career through Scotland through Dundee Nighting even Reading probably an experience but to go through that and change your life like I say if you've maybe never done it you could be did do now you just don't know I don't know you're loving proof that people can change mate you can make the sacrifices and you can better your life mate I thoroughly enjoyed your story and the point I appreciate you coming along because I don't want to be easy on all speaking about stuff but I appreciate it mate thank you a lot of people get stuff for that mate so thank you cheers guys