 Welcome to our new segment of the show called Trash or Treasure. Basically, we have watched so many movies for this channel over the years that not all of them are good enough to do a full review on. But they're still worth talking about. In some cases it may be not so good, so we'll watch it for you. Because sometimes one man's trash is another's treasure. And today I guess I am the trash. I'm the treasure. Our first movie in the Trash or Treasure segment is the movie that inspired us to do it in the first place. And that is 1989's The Vineyard. Directed, produced, and written by James Hong. James Hong, as I'm sure everybody knows, is a low-pan in Big Trouble in Little China. He's been in tons of movies. Tons of TV shows, usually token Asian guy. And he was in Seinfeld. Seinfeld, follow up! Cartwright! He yelled Cartwright. Who's Cartwright? I'm Cartwright. You're not Cartwright. I know I'm not Cartwright. Cartwright? What the fuck? The movie starts off with James Hong with his, you know, his beautiful trophy wife. Of course. And yeah, he's kind of seducing her a little bit and they're in bed and trying, you know, he's trying to get it on with her. She gets on top of him and stabs him and he wakes up out of a dream. All of a sudden he starts transforming. You see his face kind of starting to bubble up. He makes his way down into the basement. You see all this lab equipment set up. These women all chained up. And all these women chained up. He's using all of this to create a potion for himself to stay young. James Hong is Dr. Poe. And he's a famous winemaker. And he's also a movie producer as well. Man of all trades. Black magic movie producer winemaker. He has a group of kids that are coming to his island. Of course he has an island. The group of kids are coming to his island to audition for a movie that he's making. There's no cameras. No nothing. You wouldn't even really know. But before they start auditioning, they have to have a party. Costume party. Yeah. And James Hong, he's all doing some sick dance and like some mask. Some cold mask. Hull. Hull. Then the mask breaks. It's a mother weird face underneath. And then he takes that off. It's all a big joke. His big party trick. So some couple wanders off. And the girl trips over something and she claims a body that was kind of like buried underneath the earth. Nobody believes her. Then later on we see that, yeah there is bodies buried. They start rising from the grave at night. And Dr. Poe's to kind of say some sort of chant and throw this mat. Sacred earth on the zombies. To put them back in the ground. Dr. Poe starts killing off some of these kids using his black magic. He does acupuncture on one guy earlier on in the day. He just lets some stranger give you acupuncture. You like the acupuncture? Oh yeah. Oh that's really good. Oh that feels great. Oh yeah. I've had acupuncture. It doesn't work like that at all. Do the acupuncture in your balls. Oh that feels great. Oh I just love that. Then later on at night like the needles start coming like out of his body and kills him. He also starts kidnapping some of the women to take down to his dungeon. In the meantime there's this Brandon Lee looking guy who starts uncovering some stuff and he finds these newspapers. He also uncovers an old lady that's like in this attic. In the meantime there's these flashbacks like ancient China. Dr. Poe wants to marry the main girl Jezebel. And the remaining surviving kids have to try to stop this ceremony. That's kind of how the movie ends. Alright. So we're going to start off by mentioning what we thought was good about the movie and what was possibly redeeming. What's the treasure of this movie? James Hong for one. He's the only good actor in the movie. He's the only notable person in this movie because without James Hong this movie would really be nothing. You know and not even mentioning like the fact that he put up the money for and everything would really be nothing. The effects are okay. They're actually pretty decent. Like when the zombies look okay. Yeah the zombies look pretty cool actually. The effect of those needles coming out of the guy's neck look pretty good. When he's using that black magic and he's putting all those bugs on that woman's face and stuff like that. They're real bugs you know. So that's pretty cool. And when he starts getting old and all the crap and you're like original. It's just that there is way too much shoved into one damn movie. Exactly. It's like a dinner with too many things on the plate. Yeah exactly. All of these concepts are just sort of thrown in and not one of them is really done overly well. Making the potion out of the amulet and there's the zombies coming out of the ground. And then the woman upstairs is like making them rise. He's got to put them back. You have to assume why the zombies are even there to begin with. Why are there people buried in the backyard? I don't know. Like if they're going to rise up and bug you just put them somewhere else. Take them off your island. And then there's the flashbacks. What the fuck is going on? And the flashbacks are not good. It doesn't really explain anything. The one warrior guy has the amulet. But how? Why is it just this amulet? I want my amulet! The editing is horrible. Dr. Poe is like in the basement making a potion at night time and then suddenly he's like walking in these gardens at day time that it cuts again and he's in his bedroom and he's in these robes and then he's out in the gardens again. In the editing room they're just like this scene, this scene. The dialogue for this movie is so it wasn't done very like the writing for the characters are awful. Even James Hong like all of his mumbo jumbo black magic he's always yelling at the gods. Gardner whatever is like screwing his wife and so he tells one of his henchmen to get rid of him so the guy comes upstairs. Dr. Poe says he can take a vacation permanently. They all started fighting with all this karate and everything. It's horrible. It's a horrible fight scene. And I thought that that was part of the movie he was making. As a movie producer. Because it's so bad. I was expecting somebody to say cut. But no, this isn't really happening. They like accidentally put the rehearsal in the movie instead of the actual take they were supposed to use. And it's all embarrassing. It's all a mess. Under the gravel. And the movie just has this sleazy vibe which kind of rubs you the wrong way. It makes you feel a little awkward watching it. Because James Hong took some liberties there because he was producing it and everything. Because it's produced by James Hong. Directed by James Hong. And the first scene is James Hong like you like that baby baby. Then going on to those dungeons and like groping those women and slapping them all He's all kissing them and everything. Violeting them. Like James Hong. It's a little obvious what you're backing up. It's just a tad dear. So it's pretty disappointing because we love James Hong and he's in some great stuff and he was all excited. James Hong did this horror movie. It's gotta be good. Great. And he's like Yeah this is. The Vineyard. We watched it. So you don't have to. We both gonna rate this movie trash. But if you want to watch James Hong grop some women and watch some shitty mustache guys have some bad fight scenes then check it out. Other than that, till next time keep drinking.