 Hey guys, Rafe DeRozzi here. So, today's vlog is really about... I don't know, it's honestly, it's just really something that I needed to do for myself. I haven't really been putting much content out on YouTube in the last month and a half. Honestly, because I've been going through a really, really rough time. And today I just decided that it's something that I need to talk about. Even though I'm in the middle of it, it's good to be able to talk about that kind of stuff. Let me get to the point. I am going through some intense heartbreak to put it bluntly. I had feelings for someone for a long time for the last couple years. I invested so much of myself and my life in this person. So, recently I found out that this person had been lying to me and been dishonest to me for... I don't even know how long to be honest. It could have been quite a while. And in all honesty, reflecting back, I realized that I allowed that to happen. This person showed a pattern of being manipulative, of taking things for granted, of taking things from me, of using me. And I embarrassingly allowed that to happen for a long time. And it got to the point where I had given so much of myself, wholly, freely, that it's like when you invest in something, anything, when you invest that much into something, it's really hard to walk away. It's really hard to just let it go. And it just wasn't reciprocated. It wasn't two ways. And it wasn't just innocently taking on their part either. They definitely knew where I was at. And they definitely did things to... Basically, when I was at the point where, when I would start to distance myself a little bit, I was given just enough to kind of like, maybe give me a little bit of hope. Maybe think that something was possible there. The last straw for me was, you know, despite all that, I was hopeful that maybe at some point in the future we could reconnect on a different level. And so yesterday I reached out and just sent a loving message saying that, you know, I cared and this person was still on my mind even though we're not talking right now and just hoping that they were doing well and wishing them the best. And this person responded in kind by not responding to me directly and just posting something that was intensely hurtful and really, really insensitive. It was just really out of left field. I wasn't expecting it. But I'm glad it happened and I'm glad that I'm making the realization now that this person is not who I thought they were or who they said that they were to me at one point. And so today I'm very reflective and I'm thinking about, you know, why do these things happen? Why do we meet these kinds of people? Why do we put ourselves in these kinds of situations? And I firmly believe that everything we go through is a learning experience and it's meant to teach us something and to help us grow. So I've definitely learned over the course of the last two years that I've had to learn that I need to value myself more and that I need to not put up with BS and that I need to read other people and read signs and if there's something that strikes me as off about someone or I have a gut feeling that I need to not, I just need to walk away and not deal with the BS. You know, I believe that when you're doing something or you're in a situation in your life that's not right for you, God, the universe, whoever, whatever will whisper to tell you that you need to get out of that. And if you don't listen, then they'll talk to you in a stern voice and if you don't listen to that, then something will come along that's like a little pat on the back. If you don't listen to that, it just gets more intense. You get slapped, you get pushed and then eventually you just get knocked flat on your ass and I didn't listen. I just wanted to be loved really, really badly and I was just really hopeful and optimistic and I just didn't refuse to see what was so clearly right in front of me. A lot of people ask me how do I stay motivated with the gym and with working out and fitness and all of that and this is the perfect opportunity to show you how when I am in a situation like this the gym is my everything. It's my savior. It's my refuge. It's the place that I go to get all of this energy out to get all these emotions out. I put all of that into my workouts into pushing myself as hard as I can. I can't tell you how many times I've been at the gym I was pushing so hard that it tapped into something emotional and I started to involuntarily cry mid-set or as soon as I finished because the connection for me between what I'm going through emotionally and what I'm going through in life and pushing myself to my extremes is one at the gym. That's what the gym is for me. It's the place where I push myself. It's the place where I prove to myself that it's the place where I prove to myself that I'm worth it, you know? I'm literally fighting for myself and out of this pain and out of this misery and out of this hurt and this soreness is going to come strength and I'm going to grow and I'm going to be better for it. So, succinctly to answer your question about how it is I find the motivation and this is it. That's where I heal. So yeah, of course I'm going to need time to grieve in all of that but I know it's the right thing. I know it's for the best and I know that God is just cleaning house preparing the way, preparing my life for all the good. There's so much good that's coming in my life right now and I'm so ready to just expand and grow and just take my life to the next level and just everything that I'm doing with YouTube and social media and fitness I'm so ready to just get to the next level and anything that's holding me back or holding me down has got to go. It has to leave. There's no room for it otherwise it's just not going to happen for me. So I know that this is the right thing and I know that God created this situation so that I could get rid of that negative toxic bullshit. And on that note I've been blessed recently having the opportunity to foster an adorable little dog. His name's Duke. I think he's about three years old I'm not sure he was rescued off the street by an adoption center called Barks and Bitches and when they found him on the street he had a broken leg. He had been at the adoption center for I think about three months and he had been fostered many times by a lot of people and he just kept on being returned. I think because other people had dogs and he just wasn't getting along with them very well. He clearly has some abandonment issues and some anxiety so given that I have the same issues it's a good fit and I'm excited because I think we're going to help each other heal. I think it's going to be a really good thing. So come here buddy. Let's say hi. Boy, come here. Come out. Say hi. Come here. Sit up. This is Duke. Duke say hi. Say hi. Say hi buddy. Here's your good boy. So this is my buddy Duke. Yeah and I'm just so glad I'm so glad that I have this little loving guy in my life. Yes, you're a good boy. Yes you are. He's going to make this whole process a lot easier. He's already alleviates a lot of my loneliness and anxiety at night. He sleeps with me in my bed because he's spoiled. But yeah, so I'm thankful for him. I'm thankful for my friends. I'm thankful for the amazing people that I'm meeting and the amazing opportunities that are coming my way right now and I just wanted to share with you guys why I've been a little distant and just be real and just not only share the good stuff or share the bad stuff but like after I've already dealt with it I'm like I just want to show it to you in the moment and I don't know maybe that will be helpful to somebody. I hope so. So I'll be around. I'm going to focus all my extra energy and time and love and all that into doing what I'm passionate about which is this and which is talking to you guys and trying to do some good and share some good stuff from my life. So thank you for watching. I appreciate any feedback, any comments. I want to do my best to comment to every single one of you guys so please feel free to drop a comment like this video if you liked it subscribe if you haven't already and you want to stay tuned and join us on this journey because I've got a lot more good stuff to come. Promise. Alright. Peace out.