 Hi, hi, hi, I thought I'd have something nice for you to look at but I got lazy so Good to see everybody here if you are watching live and You would like to tell me who you are Just go ahead and add in the comments. I can see your handles But I can't always tell what your name is so I would love to know see Nancy Murphy That's a that's a handle that I can tell who it is. Hi Nancy, but from a lot of you. Hi, Isabel I just like to be able to say hi to people especially. Hey, Kathy. Hi, Terry. I like to be able to see The names of people when they show up. I don't know if you guys are all Old enough to remember romper room. That's what a hi Andrea and Holly There's a TV show on when I was a kid hi, Nicole And the lady would hold up a mirror. Hi, Debbie and she would say the names Yeah, she didn't say the names of all the kids. She saw she's just making it up But she never said my name think I mentioned this in one of my earlier periscopes So figure I'd like to at least say hello to the people who are here And it's nice because I can know what your names are now so the question that I'm gonna answer this week came from a reader and She is at she's actually a preschool teacher But she was told that her voice is too kind and too nurturing and that that was a problem And that was all I got from her But she was very concerned that the people she worked with Yes, Nancy a lot of us are Jennifer's there's so many of us. I was born in 1970 and there's just so so many of us she was concerned that the people she worked with didn't understand the needs of early childhood and Because I don't you know, I don't have the opportunity to observe this teacher or anything I don't know for sure what the issue is and I also don't think it's specific to To early childhood I think this is an issue for teachers of literally any age And I think this can go all the way up through college instructors I think this is this can be a universal problem the issue of whether or not you should be lean air toward being too nice or air toward being too to mean and This was definitely Definitely a problem for me. I had my own students. Tell me you're too nice and so and I know that I'm a very conflict avoiding person anyway, so I Thought this would be a really good one to talk about because I think it doesn't even matter what age you're working with You can definitely suffer from being too nice But I think there are some teachers who feel that they have to be me And so and I think they take it way too far in the other direction I think there really is a nice balance that you can strike And so I wanted to talk about that a little bit so The thing that I have learned over time with kids and this is this is a problem for me with my own kids I have three kids ages eight nine and eleven and I know that I don't want to be a Jerk to them and I know that there are sometimes I can be a pushover with them and so But then and I can see this is coming up in some of the comments if people make me sometimes I can be so nice until I'm not and Then I go way to the other side of the meter and then I'm just screaming and that's not good either That's not good at all. And so I think that the the word that comes to mind for me when I'm really being Effective is and this is just what works for me business like it's not being mean it's being serious and not being boring, but basically keeping the phrase in your head of it's time to get down to business and So this manifests itself in a lot of different ways One thing that used to be a big big trigger for me when I was a teacher is I taught middle school kids And they would make me laugh all the time and they would say funny things and once that kid once that kid Figures out that he can crack me up and it's not that hard to do They would they would try to do it all the time And so I would be standing there trying to get everybody's attention and some kid would make some wise remark And I would give him a little smile because I like building relationships with my students and Thank You Mondo And So I'm sorry, I got distracted So they would say things to me You know they'd make little cracks and everything and then and I'd start laughing and then it would be like oh great That's wonderful You know now I've lost everybody because then somebody else would try to do it And then we would be off topic and I know that for the kids who were ready to like get to work It was probably annoying You know and so I think the whole the whole rule about don't smile until Christmas I think there's something to that honestly I mean that's definitely been one that we as teachers have said you know no no no that's a crock You know you you need to build relationships you need to be kind and I think that's true that you do need to be kind But they need to know that you are not their BFF they need to know that you are the adult in the room and That you're you don't mind being the person who's going to be the party pooper and say no it's time to get to work now and So I find that if you can just sort of keep it to where you are Not reacting when they're trying to goof off and I mean not reacting in a way where you're just like Oh, I'm gonna be your buddy and laugh with you because then you can never get them on track So thanks for the hearts by the way all those hearts you guys must be tapping on the screen a lot. I appreciate it So business like is a good term to sort of keep in your head in terms of your overall Composure and I read it a post today as I was looking around for other people's thoughts on this And it was a guy and I've got to figure this out who it was But he was talking about how important it is to be serious at least in the first half of a class period Which I thought was really interesting I had never thought about it that way But that makes a lot of sense because if you kind of lose them early on and you get a little bit too goofy with them It's really hard to get back off on on track So keeping the first half or could first two-thirds of a class session More business-like then you can chill out and relax with them near the end and more show more of your human side Yeah, I thought that was a really good simple rule of thumb, too And Another thing and this is something I thought about for this particular teacher. Yes. Goofy and weird does sell It does and I just think you need to be careful about when you're using it And if you're using it deliberately to kind of sell your enthusiasm for a project that you're doing I think it's super important to share lots of personal stories about yourself very important for bonding with your students But it is it's a science and an art to balance that out and if you can really here's the thing Here's the the big thing for me They're friends people who are gonna fool around and and hang out with them and and just be their buddies Those people don't necessarily have your kids best interests in mind They don't care so much about that kids academic success you do and so It's a very loving gesture to say to them. We're gonna play in about 30 minutes But right now it's really important for you to get to work and to get this done it because I care that you learn this And so it's not so much That you're being boring. It's that you really care about them and you want them to learn So here's another thing that this this teacher may suffer from this problem when the other teacher said she sounded too nice One of the things they might mean is that she might be phrasing things in a way that makes her sound like a pushover for example If you say to a child, okay Do you want to get your stuff out and get to work if you say do you want to which is kind of just a verbal tick for some teachers? Some kids will be like no, I don't want to or if you throw the word okay on at the end of your directives So if you say to everybody You know get your books out, okay? And then it you sound like you're begging for it And so just making that little tweak to the way you say something Instead of adding that okay or that little question mark at the end you just say it's time to get your books out Please do that now and just end your sentences with a period instead of with a question mark And I think that's the general idea here. You're not asking them for something and And it's funny because if you say can you please you're saying will you please do this? But if you just say please do this. It's a directive. So think about the way that you're actually Phrasing things When I moved from teaching middle school to college I was pretty scared because I knew oh my gosh I'm teaching adults now and I may be teaching even adults who are older than me and You know, I didn't have a PhD or anything So I thought this is I got to be taken seriously and I had actually spoken to a friend of mine Right before I started who was also teaching at the college level and he said you better be careful because a big part Of your job is based on the student evaluations of you So I thought okay. I've got to do I got to make sure that they really take me seriously So it was the first time that I had ever really applied that don't smile until Christmas rule And I remember deliberately the first day of classes really really trying to To just be very Very serious. I don't know if you all have ever seen the Ted talk about the power pose It's wonderful. If you just Google that the power pose or maybe it's the power posture. I think it's the power pose And it's meant for women, but I think a lot of men could use it too. Hey Jason It's just a matter of how you care yourself, you know, if you really throw your shoulders back and deep in your voice a little bit I don't know if she mentioned this I may have heard this one from dr. Laura But talking about women who speak with a really high voice and it's harder for kids and other people to take you seriously so if you have that issue it helps to kind of maybe lower your voice just a little bit and You may be taken a little bit more seriously so There are there really are a variety of things and I think if anybody has ever said to you, you know, you're too nice I Think it's wonderful to be nice And I think it's wonderful to be kind and to care about your kids and to communicate that to them But I think when somebody says you're too nice what they're actually saying is You are you're getting walked on or your kids don't respect you as much as they could or You're not being assertive enough And so you're not standing in your power. That's right And so I think it would really help honestly to To videotape yourself and just see how you come across and there really could be these little tweaks So I'm going to just review really quickly for and maybe for people who just stopped in a little bit later One is make sure that you're not Smiling in reaction to your kids goofing off if it's time for you to be serious Then you can be very very serious. Oh another thing and I've mentioned this before too Yes, getting your national boards helps so much because you videotape yourself and it's crazy Um Do not try to talk over your kids when they're talking if you're trying to get your class's attention I did a video about this a while ago called the five-second solution, but I'm gonna share that here right now, too It drives me crazy when I see a teacher or a speaker I've seen principals do this in faculty meetings They start talking thinking that that's gonna quiet the faculty down and teachers will do this to students They start giving directions and the kids are not listening. They're talking and the teacher will just keep going and Dude, you're wasting your breath when you do that You need to stop you need to just stand there and stop and just wait and you don't have to be obnoxious about it You don't have to give them a dirty look you just have to wait If they're really not paying attention, you can just hold your hand up and just this is just especially if you're older When you're with younger kids, you can do the high five and then give me five and everybody's all on board Class class. Yes. Yes all that but with the older kids Sometimes you need to just do something more just like hey, I'm trying to get your attention and Then do not talk until everybody is quiet that those last two kids who are talking They will shut up if they're the only ones talking sooner or later They will realize that their voices are the only ones that anybody can hear and they'll get embarrassed and they'll listen but you are You're commanding more respect and you're communicating power by just waiting and not just rushing in there to try to Speak as quickly as you can and just talk over them and hope that they hear you Also speak a little bit more slowly do not rush with your with your directions take your time pause if you need to and Don't laugh at your well. No, I'm just gonna say don't laugh at your own jokes I did have a podcast about nonverbals I interviewed a guy named Jack Schroder and I can't remember which episode it is But it's called how your nonverbals impact your teaching and he was talking about watching teachers who laughed at their own jokes Which I actually think is okay to do if your kids are laughing with you But if you're the only one laughing and it's that nervous kind of laughter again That also communicates a lack of confidence So make sure that you are giving directives and not begging or asking questions and asking students if they want to do things Do not react to students goofing off with a smile unless it's time to goof off Try to be more serious in the first half or first two-thirds of a class period and save the Fun version of you for the later half of the period once things are going well And just try to keep in mind Business like it's not about being nice or mean You're just getting down to business and you care about their academic success And that is why you're being a little bit of a wet blanket sometimes So that's all I've got for you tonight Uh, thank you so much. I'm really excited that 40 people are here. It's really awesome Uh, whimsical teacher. I saw that you invited people and I know that you're on periscope a lot. So Thanks a lot for doing that. That's really nice of you to invite people and anybody who came in here Uh, because she invited you. Thank you Um, I've seen you on periscope before. I think your energy is fantastic And I have watched Sheila Jane a ton and I just think she's super positive. And so I'm a I'm a periscope novice right now. So I'm just really excited to be here. Thank you guys so much I'm going to be continuing to try to do this every tuesday night and to empty my email inbox out Because I've got so many questions that I can't answer simply and quickly. So and I do have a catch page katch dot me Slash cult of pedagogy and that's got all of my replays For as long as catch exists. So thank you so much. I am going to head out now. Have a great tuesday night