 So we're gonna talk a little bit about game theory, but not the mathematical game theory, the transactional analysis game theory Which itself is part of social psychology, so real quick primer transactional analysis is specifically looking at to the individual parts of social communication as transactions that you have a stimulus and then a response and Then that response is then a stimulus to the other person who then gives another response, and you know, that's the flow of conversation Transactional analysis looks at essentially breaks down the transactions as they're being two parts Well the stimulus they're being two parts and then the since the Response is also a stimulus that also has two parts as well and You have the primary and an ulterior and Ulterior not as in it's some kind of manipulative thing because that's usually how ulterior is used but Just that there's another component that's not immediately obvious at surface level, but it is still a part of the transaction One of my cats got the zoomies Running around the yard like a nut job So a Game in this context doesn't necessarily refer to a manipulative thing Well, I'll mention a very constructive game and how it's a game But a game is a series of transactions a stereotyped series of transactions Because yes human behavior is actually this predictable as much as some people don't want to admit that Where there is an ulterior see there's not always an ulterior in somebody's Transactions buying something from a store is a great example of where there isn't one as long as there's not a salesman if there's a salesman There's a good chance. There are ulterior's that again aren't always negative But some of them rely on some very negative shit to do their job You know you bring your stuff up to the register and There'll be a few Social stimulus strokes as they're called Hey, did you find everything that you need and so on you have a very basic conversation That's literally about nothing and it exchanging a few social strokes a Positive game just to get out of the way that this is not necessarily a negative thing is the mentor mentee relationship on the surface level it looks very Parent parent or sorry very adult adults that you've got somebody who wanting to learn and somebody wanting to teach and that it is a Mature relationship between the two and it largely is considered that but Think about it In what other situation do you have somebody teaching somebody who wants to learn? the parent child Mentor mentee relationships are considered a game because of that And there are things that inevitably you can see people who are prone to being mentors do Just because it's subtle little Bishing or hooks Kind of snag a mentee Not a bad thing, I don't think anybody would describe that as a bad thing. It's a very constructive relationship It's a fantastic way to learn But there is an ulterior which makes it a game. There are some destructive games that I've been doing that Are learned you learn them. It's been shown that Parents wind up passing a lot of them on to their kids at Ridiculously young ages Studies where they've gotten permission to Record a mother engaging with their newborn, you know before one years old They can find evidence of these games taking place. So They don't let up You know, it is a fantastic way to learn positive ones constructive ones, but it's also a You can get some very destructive games impression on you One of these games that I've learned to not play on my own is The alcoholic although my role in the alcoholic is not the alcoholic. It's more the savior The idea with the alcoholic game is that it's not specifically About alcoholism. It's just that's how it was first described because There's tons of examples of that It was much easier to study a case where it was a legal drug Especially since transactional analysis got its start Mid-50s, I believe Researching other drugs wasn't So, you know, this is definitely burnt out You've probably encountered these types of situations where Somebody is engaging in repeat of destructive behavior and almost seems to be seeking out the punishment for it and Will glorify the punishments of it Talking about How much they had to drink how bad the hangover was come home to the wife who Not necessarily a sexual thing I'm a man. I'm typically going to describe things from a male perspective come home to the wife who It's initially supportive. Like I let's get you cleaned up Make sure you actually throw up in the toilet not all over the floor yada yada And then scold him in the morning The man is super apologetic and then the wife apologize there forgives the the husband because he made a convincing case of how he won't do it again and then Next week does the exact same thing and it plays out the exact same way again and again and again and again in that case the role of the Savior is somebody who comes along and tries to Help them get cleaned up for a while. It seems like it's working, but it's never going to work And I caught on to that about ten years ago stopped doing that Watched some friends go into very bad drug spirals that they have never recovered out of But just learned that You're not going to fix them because they don't actually want to be fixed yet Unfortunately Alcoholics Anonymous plays into this game at all a lot To where AA is not actually a constructive form of treatment Don't put alcoholics into AA. It's not actually going to help Because what winds up happening a lot of the time is The other alcoholics who have recovered Wind up picking up the other roles of say Savior or Supplier or other Roles not necessarily the role of alcoholic because they're not the alcoholic anymore And it goes fine and dandy and everybody thinks they're Doing better in that recovery is happening up until they run out of People to play the role of alcoholic And so somebody relapses so that the game can continue hence why AA is not effective in there. There are plenty of studies to back that up that it's not just the Philosophical argument through a theoretical framework that there is evidence to support that AA is not effective there are other games Where it's much more my role in them is much more destructive and It's all just shit that I learned during childhood from either my parents or a Psychologist I saw as a child that was really fucking bad that other the psychologist I'm seeing right now and when I saw before had I'm seeing a psychiatrist now but had had some choice words about how They should have their license removed because of complete nuttering competence and Even a few things that were illegal There's been some shit that I have to unlearn from her and other places as well Luckily as you start to identify those and exactly what's going on How to identify the game beforehand because again at the soup The whole thing about a game is that there is an ulterior in the transaction that it doesn't look like the game at surface level you know the The way a Saviour looks to admit in the alcoholic game Looks productive looks like they're doing a good thing, but it's never going to yield a good thing because that's not actually the point As you understand those as you can identify them it becomes easier to not play into them and And Sometimes you run into some situations where the need to play the game is very strong And in those cases the person needs to go through Transactional with an analysis therapy and sometimes CBT is helpful as well. That's cognitive behavioral therapy in my case It seems like luckily At least any games that we've identified that I've been playing a role in I don't want to be but I am just because That's what's been learned So the the convenient thing about that is just identifying them well enough is enough to get out of that spiral one I will always wind up having trouble with though is When people invalidate other people's experiences and with what I've said before that shouldn't be surprising at all I Did have a fantastic Interaction earlier with David K of Microsoft if you've worked with x state That's part of react I believe That's David K where I was just pointing out that Trying to be as you know polite and what not as possible that you know, I Get where you're coming from but not everybody has had that same experience and you're kind of missing part of the picture It had started to devolve a little bit, but we had actually rectified that and the fantastic thing and how You can kind of see how I don't want to be playing these games is After he had owned up to misinterpreting me which happens all the time misinterpretations happen on all sides Lord knows I've done it plenty of times as well. I Didn't double down. It wasn't a Oh, you fucked up and I'm gonna make you realize how badly you fucked up and I'm gonna make you you know regret it It was No, it happens. We've all done it Well Proceeded to have a very polite mature back and forth about Our perspectives where I was coming from that I actually largely agreed with his point But just wanted to make sure that he was seeing the other side of it and And totally totally okay Interaction totally what you want to see that's gonna burn out again I'm gonna a little chilly cameras getting a little shaky because it's called there and you see it's not a sunny day at all so I'm gonna finish up now, but if you've been having a lot of Interactions that Play out the same way over and over and over again, and you don't understand why Looking into transactional analysis and game theory specifically can be hugely beneficial and help you recognize why It's playing out the same way and What you can even do about it so Have a good one guys