 This video is brought to you by Paramount Plus. Well, man, it's been a hell of a season. Griff, your episode recaps of Halo have been phenomenally adequate. Uh, thank you? Yes, sir. I'm talking perfectly average. Builders grade. No frills. Standard as you recaps. How does he make a compliment sound so demeaning? That's how he do things in this man's red team. Right up to the military speckin' and at a degree over. There's no higher compliment than precision sufficiency. Oh, on that note, what about my recaps, sir? Simmons, your performance has been outstanding! Really? Wow, thank you so... That's right! A total disaster! What? You went above and beyond, exceeded expectations, and completely over-delivered. And that's bad? Without question. You went the extra mile, and fuel is expensive, soldier. Haven't you heard about inflation? Damn, Simmons. You really blew it when you crushed it. Hold on. We still have to recap the finale. I can do better. Dude? Um, what I mean to say is less... better... than... before. Give it your medium shot. So, the finale begins where we last left Master Chief, facedown in the gym after getting tuned up real good by Vanneke and Riz. Thankfully, he manages to peel himself off the floor, but stumbles around like how getting your ass kicked gives you a hangover. Getting punched drunk and regular drunk have the same consequences, unless you build up a tolerance to both, which is why I'm on a steady diet of bar fights. In all the confusion, McKee makes off with the Keystones in a covenant ship, and Keyes confesses to Vanneke and Kai that he kidnapped them as kids. Bonded by their childhood trauma, Silver Team is back on the same side and rushed to stop McKee and Halsey from escaping. Nothing like deep wounds from the past to bring together an elite force of super soldiers for a high-stakes mission. Kinda like us. Griff, what are you talking about? Well, we may not have the high-stakes mission or be an elite force of super soldiers, but we are together, and we do have deep wounds from the past. You know what? You're right. Maybe the real high-stakes mission was the deep wounds we made on the way. Speaking of wounds, Kai jumps on board with Dr. Halsey's ship and uses Aidan's face to clean the ceiling, which is the most helpful he's been all season, but not before Halsey escapes in a pod. Master Chief Riz and Vanneke are also too late to stop McKee from making it off-world. And all of this happens before the opening credits. Pretty hot for a cold open. With no idea where the Covenant took the Keystones, Master Chief remembers something McKee said about the Covenant prophecy and the location where the halo would be revealed. Super strength and super listening skills? Wow, he's the total package. I'm glad the Covenant has such long humanity extinction ceremonies because this buys Silver Team enough time to suit up and find their hidden temple. Meanwhile, Dr. Halsey is caught and brought into custody where her daughter delivers the news that her punishment is execution. Now, this is where things get awesome. If you wanted to see hot grunt stomping action and savage brute beatings, you've come to the right place. Here's where we get to see Silver Team in some real combat. And while they take out a bunch of Covenant soldiers, the Brutes really beat the hell out of our heroes. Oh, and remember Dr. Halsey? She's headed for the gallows, right? Plot twist. It turns out the Halsey they captured was a flash clone and the real Dr. Halsey is on the lam. If I had flash clones of myself, I'd have them do all the things I don't want to do. Exercise, dental appointments, homework, any work. You know, the basics. Then wouldn't you be a lazy, out-of-touch slob just sitting on your butt telling other people what to do? Exactly. A boss. Oh, true. Yeah, yeah, fair, fair, fair. Thankfully, the Keystones only reveal part of the map to the Halo, which complies with the ironclad cinematic rule that all maps and movies and TV must be incomplete when you first see them. The only thing complete in this scene is the beat-down Silver Team takes. Brutal stuff. Yeah, after more Covenant troops show up, Master Chief gets his shit rocked by a brute and is left with only one choice. Let Cortana fully take over his consciousness. After a moment of thinking that Master Chief is dead, Cortana takes the reins and goes ballistic on the Covenant army. It's a bona fide hero moment, and with John 1-1-7's consciousness on the back burner, he's able to touch the artifacts without activating them and get everyone on board their ship for a daring escape. The episode and the season ends with Kai asking Master Chief if John is still in there. Master Chief, now fully controlled by Cortana, gazes ahead without a word. Boom! In credits! So, Sarge, how was that? Was my recapping up to, uh, rather down to snuff? Sarge, your performance was without question one of the most gleaming and spectacularly acceptable things I've ever seen. Bermount Plus might even let us come back in recap season two! Really? Totally requisite? Absolutely. In fact, I'm gonna give you a sticker. A gold star? Nope. A gray circle. Fantastic! Glee suitable. Wow. This is the okayest moment of my life. Well, thanks for watching. We'll see you next time.