 Hi everyone, I'm really happy to be here with Dorota Godby and we're going to be having a conversation today that's especially useful for those of us who consider ourselves sensitive and I'll have Dorota explain more How how she perceives that and for all of us, you know, we all know people in our lives who Have a more sensitive constitution and how can we help ourselves or help them be more successful in both life and work Dorota, it's really good to have you here. Oh, I'm really glad to have this conversation Yes, it's a new conversation to be having in the world and much needed. So I'm curious that we'll get up to Absolutely. Well, let me go and share your background with everyone first and then we'll get into the conversation So I'm just gonna read out your bio here Dorota Godby works with sensitive individuals and Professionals who have an additional challenge when when dealing with problems is how to adjust the best practices that are taught out there For their sensitive system Dorota has spent 20 years investigating multiple modalities And she has created a unique blend of gentleness and depth That sensitive people can thrive on She's an empathic multidimensional and practical ally who can help you to integrate your inner wisdom with external guidance and I've especially appreciated Dorota's Engagement her her discussion communication in the various Courses that she's been in with me and just on social media. I just always really value her her comments So Dorota Let's start with Talking about what it means to be a sensitive person. How do we know if they have a more sensitive constitution? Language is quite funny. So when people hear the word sensitive, there's a number of ways that you can hear This the way I use the word is pretty much What is that in the dictionary in terms of, you know It was sensitive system sensitive person set of sensitive organism Response to stimulation to the environment to what's going on to the quality of conversation or the situation That much more intensely that much more readily and of course Since the 90s we have now the research by Dr. Aaron that demonstrates that 20 percent of people have sensitive constitution as a natural healthy Treat natural healthy type of constitution In the way that some people have got petite bodies and some people are big boned or have blue eyes or green eyes and so on Yeah, no, that makes a lot of sense. I mean why wouldn't of course there's a diversity of human beings in all sorts of traits And of course, there's so-called average and then there are More sensitive and less sensitive, you know, so that makes a lot of sense I do find that I work well with a lot of Sensitive, I mean there are a lot of And maybe maybe that's something you can speak to a little bit is I do tend to draw Quite a number of sensitives into my audience. Why do you think that is? Ah, you see I'm not surprised at all. So if if the kind of statistical average is 20 percent in human population I imagine your statistics are my heart much higher And it's probably because of the values you carry, you know for authenticity for serving for Being um Interested in the quality of life in virtue, but also because this is my personal Appreciation of your of incredible Kindness and gentleness with which you offer those things and gentleness is a quality that Makes I suppose any hard thing, but sensitive system Requires that to function well and to thrive. So that is that combination of gentleness and depth that I love in your work And and I imagine that that's what draws Sensitives to you. There are some environments. For example, no one communication Which is one of my communities is like that as well because of the inherent deep values for compassion for humanity That that community tends to have higher percentages of sensitives than then, you know, average kind of randomly organized groups as well Yeah, thank you. That's that's that makes a lot of sense. And so um, you know sensitives, uh May feel more vulnerable also when they're asking For support, right? Um, and yet all of us need support Uh, talk to us about that. Um Oh my this is this is this is particularly tricky. You know, Dominic Bartek who's one of the NVC Uh, novel communication trainers that I respect says that you know, when we have a challenge or a problem It's never a question whether we can or cannot do something But it's a question of having sufficient support And so I think this is true deeply true for for human beings and for how we resolve problems and we are social beings as well But imagine having a sensitive organism, you know, a little bit like the hedgehogs who are my kind of companions and ambassadors of sensitivity that I use that things You that you are so, um affected by what happens, you know, for the stimulation even by sensory processing and bright lights louder sounds that Sometimes reaching out for support can be extra vulnerable because what if the support does is not gentle What if it's not extra conscious and kind of deep, which is how I make sense of the world it It sometimes leaves us with a Very painful choice to either be on our own When having a problem and struggling and being scared and not seeing the way forward Or reaching out for support and then maybe the the format in which support arrives Becomes a new problem on top of already scary problem and it quickly becomes overwhelming so it's it's such a tricky combination and yet because I am really biased here, but I I have a sense that That sensitive organism is one that processes everything that much more deeply is So so therefore notices things more deeply Learns more deeply and so when you find allies and supporters that work for you And you have a system that is an excellent system to navigate this world with Then sensitives really blossom and then it looks like You know a very surprising Quantum leap where you were where at first you were really drowning and maybe really Worrying about yourself and yet we're just a little bit of the gentle give support Things you know realign quickly and then your own intelligence There's the system and the care that you carry sees you through really really well Yeah, wow, it's beautiful And so how how can sensitives I guess find find the right kinds of support. Maybe you have any any tips for that Yeah, or what's what's helpful what's been helpful to you It's very interesting because Oftentimes people come to me Not thinking about the sensitive conversation, but because someone I had a acupuncture student who was overwhelmed with the coursework and And it was her mom who sent her to me because her mom could sense That I suppose that combination of Of gentleness and depth that that had author also carries naturally and also immediately must have seen me in a workshop somewhere And then of course immediately that that Relating to one's own system and the sensitivity becomes quickly A big part of the conversation. So so sometimes It's a question of being drawn To someone and feeling safe with them and and so that's where You really need to check people out To get a sense of them, you know, like I sometimes when I when I go to brand new, let's say A lecture presentation by an expert. I don't know yet I said really close them and almost I want to sniff the energy and in particular There is a kind of sense of running it by my body by my own Uh, you know, the things that I have learned to trust That the body knows much better than perhaps that that any sense of seduction or persuasion by the, you know, mesmerizing side of expertise So, yeah, but generally you will find that sensitive people are very Particular and very picky about who to choose because typically they You know, when I just chose the word multi-dimensional for my bio This was because of colleague who who recognizes in me and said, you know, this is exactly my another sensitive colleague that I need the person to be dimensional if they have a black and white simplistic worldview I know they are not going to be a good match for me because I naturally need to look at things deeply and and and deeply means Not just white perspective, but also perspective that Includes all sorts of layers of life or aspects of life that we're not really interested in and I have to have involved in the In the in the way we solve a problem or in the way we do things Otherwise, we just not connected not engaged enough Mmm. That makes sense and speaking of kind of solving issues How do sensitives adapt or need to adapt The solutions that they hear from experts, you know teachers coaches, etc To to a more sense it's to their own system. Yeah So it's it's a blessing if they know that they have a sensitive system because often people Don't relate to that aspect of themselves consciously, you know, the world doesn't exactly celebrate it at large So sometimes people are kind of the way that there are there are closet introverts For the same reason sometimes people, you know in the closet about the sensitivity. So if they know Then they already have some Criteria to look out for And they will look out for people who are at least aware of human sensitivity as a trait And if they don't know Then Actually, because you asked about about so is about customizing for sensitivity. So They they already would know because you cannot know. It's like the way you cannot be sensitive Have sensitive teeth and not know about it. You know that oftentimes Things look attractive and you want to do them in this way, but when you when you try it doesn't work for you And often people have that so they so they know that something something is something happens there with best practices with advice with expertise that It doesn't quite add up and of course very often they they have Sort of self-doubting Narrative about it. Maybe there is something wrong with me because you know, how how come I can't make this thing more Given though it looks good other people make it work. How come it doesn't work for me? But people who have you know, in fact, aging helps here because the longer you live the longer Stretch of data you've got About stuff that works for you and the stuff that didn't and and why and so you begin to figure out that actually even with the best findings you still have to customize them for Not only for how your system works in a way it's sensitive, but also what brings you to life And so so typically I I tell I say to people that actually really listen for the principle of what people are teaching and then Take the how that they recommend as an example, but customize it to make it your own And that that typically gives much more effectiveness as well as the ability in terms of strategies, you know new strategies to Yeah, that makes that makes a lot of sense. Thank you. And I'm curious if you have any kind of examples you want to share about how How, you know, either you or somebody, you know Sense of the person who's you know, kind of adjusting best practices to to one's own situation so um in the World of self-employed people in you know Who need we need to have some kind of sense of where going or making priorities And you know typically annual planning is something that people recommend And I have found that there is no way I can Do annual planning I I fail at annual planning and of course it took a while to figure out why and When I came across the 12th week planning It became much more doable and still needed to put a spin on it in terms of um, not so much picking goals for three months, but picking projects and then focusing not on Patrolling the projects and you know making things happen But kind of allowing things to have to imagine a little bit organically And then reviewing each three months deeply and learning from the review and course correcting and creating new choices Going forward based on What happened in the three months and this is quite amazing that where I used to fail at annual planning and The goals were hardly met and I felt like a failure With three months planning this way where the emphasis is on emergence reviewing and course correcting I always when I review I'm surprised That I've done more than I set out to do and this is the same for colleagues and for clients who are taking this on So this is one example. I mean another one your own very teaching about diligent um daily chipping at it, you know that that is a particular Particularly successful way that you have and you teach. I have a single mom. I had a single mom who was uh, um, you know with with son needing to become substitute teacher because of lockdown and she had three essays to run to write for her um, it was for her counseling a professional course And you know she there was no way that she could do it your way And even though I had the conversation about the discipline and about kind of you know doing that doing things daily is actually um It perhaps more easily easily achieved than getting around to it every now and then But still in her case we needed to it was not doable. And so we started in a very unexpected place of repurposing how she was using her rooms so that her son could have a messy room She would have an uninterrupted calm room That created the environment where she could write And then we talked about the childcare and how she could you know buy herself some time that she was alone with the writing and in the common And and so then it came together, but actually it wasn't um in a kind of linear everyday Um dedicated way, but it was when the childcare was available. And you know, so You really need to look at each person's situation as an individual and to be honest The society gives us blueprints teaches us, you know Courses and technologies and the methodologies, but I have a sense that to be honest everyone Is an individual and has unique ways of thriving and solving problems We just don't have enough interest in that conversation or at least Our systems are becoming more agile. You know, there's a whole agile Approach to working now that emerges through software developers that is that much more customizable and Shorter termed and based on reviews that are more frequent. So I think it's coming and and the sensitives are leading that conversation because we cannot Keep in step with the normal the old normal ways anyways So we have to customize innovate and then show others that it's actually more fun as well as more effective Yeah, that's a great example And I love that you're emphasizing that it's you know, every individual has I mean, I think a genius right to how to solve their own problem That an expert can't necessarily give them I really see advice and courses and trainings as sort of like Hey, here's something to experiment with This worked for me. Maybe it'll work for you. Who knows? Maybe it'll work for a few other people But you know, you need to experiment with it and then you're going to change it right to to make it work. So So, uh, let's kind of complete this conversation With You know, you said something about I love the adapting the annual plan to the 12 week plan and like not Like doing things to make sure we don't we feel progress and we feel Pride in our progress rather than Blaming ourselves for not living up to particular standards that other people think should should be ours so How does yeah, tell us about this kind of like How this how how can sense of this feel more successful or feel more? Like they yeah, you know proud of themselves and and their own You know abilities that it takes time. I guess, you know It takes time. Um I have noticed a very interesting pattern both in myself and in clients which I have Now kind of a short phrase that I describe it that we are late bloomers Kind of in that it can we can look like late bloomers and That's because the kind of normal unfoldment or How we go about things is that we experience prolonged incubation and then a quantum leap And so if you add anxiety or misunderstanding of sensitivity at that starting phase of that trajectory then then then that That quantum leap sometimes is interrupted and doesn't happen in in the same way but when you know And you will need allies to to encourage you and and to to help you trust Your own rhythms so that you don't give up and you don't mess up with a longer incubation yourself But when you do It is just amazing how you know looking back how worthwhile the whole trajectory was and actually do be satisfying because then you the quantum leap You know takes you perhaps even further than you would otherwise if you were Going at this in a linear way and especially if you were going at it in an inauthentic way So so that's kind of how the pattern I see and of course Then with clients I get them to you know try it out experiment and and prove it to themselves You know how that works or indeed whatever other quirky individual rhythm that works for them At the end of the day it has to be individual Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. And so this is where You know coaching is so helpful working with an individual at a time I know that's one of the services you provide. Actually, I'd love for you to tell Share with the audience You've got you know one-on-one services. You've got a group program. You've got an online course Or multiple actually so However, wherever whichever direction you want to start Share with the audience how you how you work with people So one-to-one I work with quests where we take on one aspect of effectiveness or sensitivity and We upgrade the kind of how people do this and the habits and the kind of the approach I call it a quest because of that individual way means that we don't know what we'll discover But we know what the quest is about, right? But a particular way that I love supporting that individual discovery or tweaking of systems is through journaling Because journaling is you know If you are sensitive and affected by people's response and moods deeply Then again, there is a kind of vulnerability that you've got to go with trusted allies or all things can go Not so well. Whereas paper My god paper is so much more unconditionally present than people and so I teach a kind of Format that I call unity journaling because you can use journaling to both organize your thinking and You know think into a new problem as well as to listen to your heart and to express your heart and process your emotions And and to have fun also because the element of You know kind of more artistic or individual expression or call for expression comes into it as well So people having a lot of fun Leaning learning to get met every single day through journaling in this particular way And so these I run these courses periodically and we have support group to kind of encourage one another because It's it's funny. It's like in this anecdote About I don't know where I heard it that you know about seeking god and how there was this person who was Looking for god everywhere And they they you know and they just they would get some tips and they would discover No, that's not where god lived and that's not here and one day they got a completely reliable tip and they knew where god lived And they and they You know Rush there stood at the door Took one look and run like hell because actually Standing at the door of the possibility of meeting ourselves every single day Of being held of being welcomed of being appreciated single day is kind of Suddenly with all all we want and suddenly it's so hard to give it to ourselves. So so it takes a little bit of Encouragement and companionship from others To actually lean into the possibility of that of being met every single day. So that's one of the Support formats that I really really enjoy Because it's so doable. It's called unity journaling. I love that name and And you you have this online course and you have Sort of a group support group around that as well And you also of course, you know, you can work with people One to one but tell us more. Tell us what what else how else do you support your clients? um, so Thanks to actually your role modeling and courses. I am experimenting with new Topics to have the sensitive conversation in and so short three week courses One one course at a time Because the conversation about Sensitive thriving is still relatively new in the world And what and especially one of the topics I'm sitting on is how to Allow ourselves to think A little bit longer into the options. We are looking at Rather than be seduced by more is better or by a particular recommendation and lose again that opportunity to inquire what works and and um, what is um, sensitivity friendly for me But this requires going against the grain of what society teaches, you know, look busy If you are not busy enough, you will not succeed. So so it's it's very hard to allow this But through the staycation experiment that I conducted any fact the staycation how to create your own staycation it's another course that I recently released because Very important for our times, I guess from a holiday, but It was thanks to the staycation experiments where I you know, I couldn't work because it was a holiday I couldn't go away because pandemic This was for the first time I allowed myself prolonged Times for so, you know, what other people judge as Naval gazing, right? Like because there's there's only that much we can allow ourselves that and then it becomes selfish or whatever And actually my I'm amazed at after two months of part-time Um, staycations. I was still working a little bit every day, but took extra long time after two months of that My effectiveness and joy and attractiveness to clients skyrocketed, which I am really amazed, but you see It was so scary to allow this Because of the conditioning being so strong to kind of move into productivity that much sooner than than I think sensitive organism thrives on And so if you take that a little bit longer to choose You will choose better and you will have more effectiveness, but again, it looks different and Very much non-linear compared to a lot of other people who kind of can move themselves through choices and decision-making in a more you know, rhythmical regular way That's very interesting. It's um, it's like you you have to gather the strength um, you know, so that you can really be wholly authentic and In your well gentle power, which is your you know the name of your website to rotate it's been a pleasure to talk with you about this. I hope everyone is feeling more understanding of themselves and of other people And of what's possible to thrive as a sensitive person. So Your website again is uh, well, let me go ahead. It's gentlepower.co.uk I will of course put the link and you have two facebook pages I'll put the links in the notes of the video. So be sure to check out the the links to Dorota's website and pages. Anything else you want to share as we complete this conversation? It pays to be who you are. It pays to be authentic and I guess you and I colleagues in that conversation and it's a I have a sense that This is a big part of the new normal that we're all wondering about now. So I'm just really really grateful for this, you know, eliminating it together a little bit and for Having companionship in looking at that world a little bit more deeply and more gently that then what we inherited Before yeah, yeah me too. Thank you so much for your work Dorota and Those who are watching or listening I hope you'll reach out to her for to learn about the upcoming courses and the coaching that she does All right. Thank you. Okay. Thanks everyone. Thanks Dorota. Bye for now