 Haven't got the squeaky thing. I'm squeak. Yeah, everyone stop who handed out the squeaky things You're a monster, you know So I'm really sorry we're running so late I will get to that it has been quite the week I will say that much So welcome to emf 2018. It's I'm glad that you're pleased to be here because I'm not sure I am So It's really good to see you all here again And it has been a bit of a journey this year. I know many of you have been before some of you are new And I'm John T. I'm one of the organizers and also one of the founders But I am a very small part of the team that builds this event We are many many people the team organizing it is about 40 people the team building up on site is half of you in This room already. You know how big it is. It's everyone takes part and it takes a lot of work And can I just have a show of hands for everyone who's ever been who's been to every single emf event? I'm including wave here, which is the boat No cheating What are we at me? Okay, there's not actually that many of you, but you know, thank you very much for coming back even after everything that's happened But you are our true believers and that that's lovely So earlier this year we throw party for all the volunteers who've ever helped at emf Everyone who everyone who's spoken everyone who come and help build up everyone who's helped with a badge or done anything at all May need to try and press gang you into helping with this year And my laptop's turned off Everything works really well at the moment so has that come back on Yeah, yeah, right so we threw party everyone and when we did that We decided to give a bit of a history for everyone who's involved about what happened with emf how we got here why I'm standing on a stage in front of all these people and it started sort by accident Russ and I was supposed to go to Glastonbury, but it was the fallow years. We couldn't go And we were like maybe we'll get like 30 people and we'll go to a field and we'll have some fun and We had 499 people Which was rather more than we expected we almost went broke Our food vendors ran off the week before because they read our public wiki page This is why we don't organize everything in public by the way because people get scared What is just us being a bit disorganized they read as we're going broke and it's like no We're just disorganized But so we had to all the food ourselves and then we sold the last ticket the night before opening And then people started the BBC showed up and then people started queuing at the gate And then the police showed up because they thought it was a rave And and it was it was kind of a bit baffling really But we had two full stages of content with people who are actually famous and had no idea what was going on And it was brilliant and then everyone went can you do it again, please? And and I'm here again, and it's just keeps going. So it's it's a bit complicated But I mean that that year was amazing 2012 We did it on a flood a field that almost flooded just outside Milton Keynes And we almost didn't get an internet connection because we had a giant radio mass that we couldn't line up because we couldn't see the Radio mast and in fact, we couldn't even put the radio mass in the right place because we couldn't figure out where to put it And we accidentally did it next to to a sewage plant which we didn't realize so During teardown the entire place just just smelled of poo But no one noticed during the event so it was great And everyone thought we'd done this wonderful thing and it actually was pretty stinky but And and we ran a bar under the motorway that for people who were there is like the one thing It was like can you do the bar under the motorway again? It's like no no we can't We're not even sure that was legal, so it's But it was pretty cool The fire under it certainly wasn't legal But and then we did another event because we were like the next year it was the Olympics and we're like Olympics brilliant yay And there was a boat that is converted into a nightclub called the Stubnitz which is awesome It's normally in Germany. It does tour around a lot and they brought it over for a festival in London And the festival went very very bankrupt And they stranded the boat because the boat couldn't actually that they don't have someone who can drive the boat They just get someone in to do it when they need it moving So they got stuck and they just had it stuck in the middle of canary wall for two months And they were like do you want to run an event on the boat and us being complete idiots went? Yeah, that sounds like a great idea this Converted German fishing vessel that is just amazing and also never run events on German converted fishing vessels It's a terrible idea and After that everyone's like you're gonna do another one-day event and every single year we say yes This is the year we're not saying yes Because we've tried every single year and every single time we try and do one-day event It falls through the last time because the venue the glass kept exploding in the windows And that is not a joke the windows kept exploding and they couldn't open the venue up So we're not doing it and we're never doing another one-day event So this is every two years and so make the most of it while you can And then 2014 I can't believe we did three in a row that seems like madness now And we went from 499 people to 1,200 people on an amazing farm Which again was waterlogged and Russ had to replant the entire site like two weeks before remove everything around and only just about worked Again, we almost didn't have an internet connection because we had to run massive fight radio mass again And that almost didn't work and Jasper bless him had to run around the local village and find anyone who would let us massive mast in their back garden in regard and return for free tickets because we couldn't afford to pay them and A local garage let them we gave them free tickets So we don't know if he actually have showed up, but it was it was it was amazing We ran ran fiber over the top of houses and things was brilliant But that was an amazing year like we had we had three stages of content everyone had a great time We had full free childcare the first time which went down brilliantly everyone loved it We had a great time the toilets are bad the toilets are always bad and and it was it was great We had a wonderful time By the way people but you can pack in the back of the tent if you don't want to be stuck outside There's a bit more room in here, but you can stay out there if you want And We were really proud of that event we'd like 2014 was good, but we knew we could do better and 2016 was pretty good, and I think how many people were at 2016 just out of interest Yes It's good, right? That was the first year that most of the team actually got to see a talk So, you know, it's we left the porter cabins. It was great So it's that we're really proud of what happened with that event. So we we tried to top it again And we had 1,800 people the villages were amazing all the villages like you stepped up You showed what you were doing. We were so happy with that and Someone isn't happy with what I'm talking about And yet again, there were basically no complaints apart from exactly 50% of people complain about the toilets I'm not joking exactly 50% of the complaints about the toilets. It's brilliant So we heard you we did hear you on the toilets and we have fixed that so that and everything went through it was great and It comes through to this year So this year we've been working on pretty much since the last event we finished the last event and we started planning this one It's just gone straight through We've all worked extremely hard on this. We are all unpaid volunteers. We do this in our free time and we're all So this is the venue we have always wanted to run this event in we tried to do it here every single year Apart from 2012 because we didn't know what we were doing But we wanted to come back here, but we couldn't because we couldn't get internet connection here And it's been remarkable. We managed to do it this year. We have dedicated Faber Dedicated fiber late to the site this year. We have actual infrastructure installed permanently for us to come back here So and given the next two slides, I can't believe I'm about to say this assuming everything goes fine We are here indefinitely But only every two years to make that very clear So In the in the party we threw earlier on for volunteers We had this slide Which frankly Is a curse and this is why you never do this on slides at the time like it'll be funny It's not funny now. So it's It has been The hardest event we've ever done. This has been Unbelievably brutal for all of us who've worked on it. We are all broken This event almost did not happen several times for many different reasons we You are only here Because the entire team has been heroic like we have been up all night every night for weeks now sorting us out We have had almost every single supplier let us down in some way or other including one supplier who Hasn't delivered the tents they were supposed to deliver and at one point wasn't delivering any tents at all including the one you're in None of the big tops were coming on Wednesday at 8 p.m. We had no big tops. We had no stages 8 p.m. Is after all the suppliers have closed just so you're aware so It took a lot of fancy footwork to make this work And some luck and some suppliers showing up and actually delivering things that are the wrong things These stages are a lot smaller than they should be people who were here last time will realize this is stage a and stage a is not very big so We this tent should be three times the size of the one you're in the other stages should be about double the size they're in So we are very sorry. This is out of our control, but the stages are a bit small You're gonna have to pack in we are likely to drop the sides off these stages so that you can all sit around the outside It's nice weather. It should be fine. I'll have a lovely time. Don't get sunburned Please it's bad It it's been Please be very generous to the volunteers be very generous the organization Team I know a couple of you have may have been snapped out earlier on but it's been really hard on us and we're all very tired and At the moment we're having to deal with a lot of stuff that's still being built Some of you will have noticed that your village tents are not here yet Some of them are some of them are not they will go up during the day Please do not put your tent up in an area that's marked out on the floor as where a village tent is going because you will have a Village tent put on top of it Seriously people have been doing this. I don't know what's wrong with you, but it is It though they are going up throughout the day. Please give them enough space to put things up We are very well aware that people putting up tents like to throw things around a bit and we'd rather you didn't get injured We do have an extremely experienced first aid team, but they'd rather not have more people than necessary All of the village tents will be up by about one o'clock today, which I'm realizing is three minutes from now So I'm gonna change that to three o'clock and see how that goes We're really trying But the people putting up the village tents full credit to them They stepped in at the last minute at five o'clock in the morning the next day They swapped out their entire truck for us to get big tents in to put other stages up that we didn't have So they are the only reason we have a bar. They are we have these for other reasons. It's complicated Please borrow me a pint. I'll tell you about it, but But anyway, it's been bad. That's all you really need to know But things are getting better everything is sorted out now as far as I'm aware But we are not quite ready as a result of all of this as the tents the stages are not quite set up as they Should be you will note that while you can all see me because there's the ground is rather unlevel The fact that the ground is rather unlevel means we can't raise the stages up So we only found that out when the stages got put up because we didn't know where they would be etc etc The tents have pushed everything back. So well, it's the live transcription even working. I can't see No, there should be live transcription happening right now. So that will be fixed later on today Amazing though live transcription imagine it working. Um, so here's It's actually the text is just black. You just can't see it right now. Um, it's that that will be on later on Due to lovely sponsors and we have a team of people who are in the US actually doing that live transcription for every single talk which is amazing and We're hopefully the stage will be fitted out the workshops. I am aware that workshop three is Not actually finished yet in any way. It's currently a metal skeleton. You can sit inside it, but you'll look a bit silly We will move you to another tent temporarily will point out where that is that will get built soon If you've requested AV in your workshops, that will be coming soon as well as I've said supplies of let us down So anyway, that's all the bad things and I really sorry I had to spend that long on it But it's worth explaining it all so you understand and people get like they're really bad at this like no wasn't us It was these other people anyway so we're here and I know Like that isn't playing is it? Is that if I play it hold on? I'm not sure if it's gonna play. Yeah. Is that playing? No, hold on hold on. I need to move up. Oh, I have to do this. Here we go. Right We haven't we had a time-lapse camera from the beginning So this is a time-lapse of the entire build up to I think about an hour ago. Thanks to Barney And you will note that for the majority of this video, there are no tents It is also missing one day due to the terrible mobile coverage, which we also apologize about we can't do anything about that either So This point. I think we are on Wednesday, this is yesterday Yesterday is when there's tents went up. So that's how far behind we are saying it's anyway nice little snapshot. What's been going on? So maybe on from that if that's gonna it's not advancing the slides now is it? Hold on This doesn't work as well as I expected How do I get out of this? I'm pressing escape, but it's not doing anything Thank you for your advice God damn it We're just gonna watch this repeatedly now Genuinely cannot get this thing to quit. This is very irritating. I'm so prepared as you're well aware, right? So we have the good stuff there is we have put so much effort into this event I can't even describe it. It's I'm really proud of a lot of what's gone on Some stuff has come off flawlessly just not the things that we thought were easy so We've done a lot of things some of them are very silly some of them. We did we're told we're impossible, but we've done them anyway The not impossible things we have t-shirts again everyone loves t-shirts We have a lot more t-shirts than last time because everyone got grumpy with us So the t-shirts will be available from the bar so you go to the bar you buy pay a t-shirt for a t-shirt down You pick it up somewhere else, but t-shirts will be on sale tomorrow. You can pick them up. I think after 12 We have an area called null sector, which some of you may have noticed. There's a lot of shipping containers over there That won't open till 7 p.m. This evening I'm not gonna tell you anything about it so but There's a lot of people being involved in that it's gonna be quite fun fingers crossed I suggest you go and explore after 7 p.m. It will be open until 1 30 a.m. And then it'll be open all day every day after that There's a lot of stuff can be going on the calendar for that will be published in about an hour's time We're running a little bit late on that as well. Sorry about that. I Asked people to just jokingly in the closing time at the last one. I was like I like domes. Can you bring more domes? And unfortunately everyone took me seriously And we have rather more domes than I expected So I think at last count there are about 18 domes and more being erected If you've got any more domes, that's great But please don't put them very close to everything else because people are gonna pile into them It'll get really awkward, but thank you for building domes. That's really cool We have for the very first time our own beer so We have had a beer brewed specially for us by Milton brewery. It is called dynamo some of you will see where the name comes And it will be available in the bar, which is opening immediately after this talk I am aware that we only have one working card reader at the moment because they only arrived about an hour ago It just keeps going So if you go after that maybe give them a few minutes before you start heading straight over But we have our own beer. I think there's enough that everyone here can have at least two or three points So that's great And we have a massive bar as usual the selection is ridiculous and we also have a second bar It's in one of the containers. So you will find that later on this evening We have loads of films that are being shown on stage C this evening and tomorrow and the day after obviously on Saturday night, we have a very special screening We have the UK premiere of the new Blu-ray edition of hackers because that seems appropriate We also have the director of hackers here to be both be interviewed beforehand for your questions So if you've got questions to ask him about quite why it looks like that Please please pose them and he'll be answering questions afterwards and also Jake Davis who is also known as topiary who was fairly famous for some things that he may have done years ago Is interviewing him and also has a prize for the best hacker costume. It is a very good prize So if any of you would like to put a pager on and then some bad rollerblades, then you know, that'll work well We have a badge I have to apologize the badge team because a couple of years ago when we were talking about this Bob and I were like we should make a pager We should give everyone a pager and then we went but we could build a phone instead And then we built phones and now they all hate me and it took a really long time And it's been nightmarish, but we have built 2,500 mobile phones from scratch that run open source firmware for you to play with that run apps and Because we have no mobile phone network. We built our own mobile phone network as well so Right now we have a GSM network that is fully licensed. We are the smallest mobile network in the UK at the moment And I'm not joking we got this off a random man He just he lent us his license for 500 quid. We don't understand why We don't even know why he has a license, but We have our own phone network the badges connect to it They all have SIM cards and after this event the sim cards will work anywhere in the world So you have just for data, but that's still cool You can get collect your badges tomorrow Being nodded at However, we would like people who are actually going to write things for the badge I know not everyone will but some of you are like, yeah, I want to write things for the badge If you're really excited about doing that. We do have badges available now and oh later this afternoon I'm trying not to make them angry We will have a limited number available I'm not entirely sure how many but if you would like to go to the info tent give them your details And we will get in touch when we have them available And we will get them out to you as quickly as possible later this afternoon for you to build mobile apps, whatever I really want people to hook the badges up to installations that do terrifying things They can do DMTF recognition so you can dial into them and start making robots do things if you want so someone should do that We Also have essential things to talk about. Sorry. I know there's been a lot of essentials there always is Info booklets weren't quite ready on the front desk when you got here because they only arrived an hour ago again So if you haven't got an info booklet, I know some people have they're at the info desk go collect one They have a full set of information about things you might need to know about the event a little map on the back things like that There's plenty for everyone. Please go and collect one We may have to slightly ask you to move your tents at some point if the villagers are in the wrong place Hopefully not but just so you're aware. We have to ask you move your villagers or tents slightly We'll see how that goes. The crash is now open for the little ones. Hopefully the little one that was shouting is already there And that'll be open till 7 30 every day It's half an hour earlier this year because people weren't using it late, but it's also open earlier So you can get rid of the kids earlier And the youth workshops will start actually right now so you can take kids up there and start giving activities straight away Volunteering we are a volunteer event. You all really need to volunteer. Please just a little bit Just a three-hour shift will get you a meal from our volunteer kitchen, which is really excellent food It's worth doing just for that You can do all sorts of things everything from heralding stages to helping out sitting around the info desk to whatever The volunteer tent is just up there. It's big white tent. You'll find on the map and there's a sign on it as well And go in there and they'll find something for you to do. You can also sign up online The music license finishes at 1 30 a.m I'm going to ask you to stop being noisy at one because that way anyone who hasn't we can find them before we get find so Please really do pay attention to this. It's very bad for us if you play music later than that Last year everyone was amazing apart from the people who decided that three minutes before the music license was the time to turn It up to the max and be play really terrible music It was funny, but annoying and Also all the vehicles that are on site if they're gonna be if they need to be moved before Monday They need to be off site as quickly as possible. If you have them on site in about two hours time We will not allow you to move until Monday morning Yes, that too. Yeah, please just get them off the site So I have one more thing. I always have one more thing Exactly two other people know about this so Which I'm really proud. I managed to keep this secret because I've been so excited for so long. I Have been trying to get good photographs of MF for years And we've had promises of people flying over and all sorts of stuff. However this year I managed to get a friend of a friend at Digital Globe, but to mobilize their massive satellite cluster I'm genuinely rubbing my hands together with Glee at this point. It's like this is good. So I Can't actually believe they're doing this and I don't even know how much it would cost to do this It's ridiculous, but at 10 30 every morning. We have five satellites passing over each of them will be imaging from different angles in multi-spectral imaging as well We will have infrared mapping of where you are And at 2 30 p.m. One satellite on its own the lonely satellite will also be passing over again So I have been informed their previous record for imaging people at a conference They did it for a satellite mapping conference. Obviously was 30 people now I Don't know what shapes 2,500 people can form I Am going to request. They're not that crude Seriously, this is like a once-in-a-lifetime chance to do this come on But I am running a competition for best things seen from space. I don't know what the prize is yet But it will be good. I promise it probably will be space related So, yeah, so at 10 30 in the morning You've got some what look today is a bit late now unfortunately But in an hour and a half there will be a pass going over five satellites again tomorrow and the day after as well And then tomorrow morning. So it's up to you to plan for this I'm really hoping that someone does something really ridiculous for it. I led is probably help. I'm not sure. Let's find out Anyway, that's the last thing I have to add along with apart from Organizing things villages and other people and installations and people who are doing random talks and stuff You can now publish content into the official schedule. I'm sorry. That's a bit late We've been working late on other things. It wasn't important as important as having tents So if you look at the website now, you can find out how to publish your schedule for your village and other workshops and things like that We will prove it within an hour or two and it'll be live And that is absolutely everything. So have fun remember that everyone is a volunteer including you hopefully and I will see you in three days time on this stage again So we have another talk immediately and I'm very sorry to that speaker that I've eaten some of your slot We will run over slightly just by 15 minutes all day. So just be aware of that in this stage anyway Whoever is the next speaker? Can you please immediately come to the front start talking? Have a lovely event. See you soon