 All right, guys, thanks for coming. Today we're here to obviously celebrate Mike's 70th birthday. So I want to thank everyone who came from afar, some people from California, so I'm really appreciative of that. So you're in for a full day of the past, present, and future of database systems. We're going to have a lot of talks from people that have worked with Mike, people that have butted heads with Mike, and people that are, frankly, just friends with Mike. So we are live streaming right now, and there will be video archives available on the Stonebreaker70.com website afterwards. So I'm your host today. I'm your emcee. I really, really wanted to do this. I was really excited when Sam asked me to do it. Well, technically he didn't ask me. He said, you know, we need an emcee, and I volunteered because nobody else did. But Sam had some very, very tight restrictions for me if you wanted me to do this. So in two things in particular is I'm not allowed to hire anybody on Craigslist to come and appear with me on stage today. And I'm also allowed not to make up anything about Mike while I'm on stage today, right? So everything that I will say, I can't vouch for other people, anything that I will say will be factually correct and vetted. And just to show you how serious Sam was about these restrictions, he had a swearing-in ceremony in his office where he made me sign everything. We had a notary. It was kind of embarrassing, but I did it because I really wanted to be here. And just so you know, since Sam and I are not religious, the book that I'm swearing on here is actually Jim Gray's transaction book. Okay, so, let's first deal with the elephant in the room, right? Today is April 12th, okay? That is not Mike's birthday, okay? His real birthday is October 11th, right? So we're about six months off, which is close enough, right? And you may be asking what took so long. And the answer is that the organizing committee was comprised of six professors. And as you know, when you ask professors to do something, there's usually, you know, there's a, you know, slop time, some slack that has to be allotted, right? They say they're going to do something on Monday. It's probably going to be Thursday or Friday. So now, what you may not know is that little slop factor is actually multiplicative when you have multiple professors. So that's why all six of us took six months to arrange today. Okay, so let's talk about today's schedule, what we have going on. Let's talk about what today's not going to be, right? So first of all, this is not a funeral eulogy. Mike is not dying. This is not like he's, you know, he's going to disappear this summer. He's in perfect health. We arm wrestled last night and he beat me. So that don't feel like there's something, you know, that we're hiding from you when we talk about today. Today is also not a comedic roast. From my point of view, again, Sam wanted me to be very professional. So that means you're not going to hear off-key jokes or blue jokes to say things like, bad, like, there's nothing going to be like that, right? I'm going to try to keep it classy. It's not a hikrography. So we're not just going to talk about how great Mike is, how his farts don't smell and things like that. The speakers today have been given the charge that if there were specific times where Mike did something wrong or stupid, they want to bring that up and make it this well known in public. So don't feel like we're going to have a veneer over everything about Mike's past. And this is also not passive theater, right? So that means it's not just us on stage talking about how great Mike is and Mike's contributions. We won't use the audience to contribute. And there'll be an open Mike period at the end where you'll have a chance to come up and say whatever your grievance is with Mike or say some of your favorite memory with about Mike. OK, so now for the morning session, obviously going to have me doing the introduction and a historical non-database background of Mike Stonebreaker. And then David DeWitt's going to come on and he's going to talk about his 44 years experience with Mike because as far as we know, David is the person that has known Mike the longest that's here today. He was actually the only person that was taught by Mike when Mike was a TA at the University of Michigan. So he can give all the gory details about Mike back then. And then after that, we'll take a break. And then we're going to have what we're calling the Berkeley era. So this would correspond to Mike's period when he was obviously at in California from 1971 to 2001. So we're going to start off with the ingress panel discussing the days of the early days of ingress in the 1970s. And then we're going to have a panel discuss PostgreSQL and the other projects that were going on that came after Mike returned to Berkeley after ingress finished. And then after lunch, we're going to switch over to now discuss Mike's contributions here on the East Coast when he moved to MIT. So Stan Zodani is going to talk about streaming. Andy Palmer is going to discuss about the Vertica days and column stores. Sam's going to talk about in general his impact that Mike has had in the, I think not only at MIT, but just the New England database community abroad. And then we'll have students that have worked with Mike, Magda and myself, discuss the gory details of what it's actually like to work with Mike. And then we'll have a closing session. We have some video messages that were sent by people who could not be here today, but they sent some well wishes and we have a video of that. And then we'll have the open mic session. And then we have a brief 10 minutes where Mike is allowed to talk. It's the only time that he's allowed to say anything through the entire day. And then we'll have the quiz results, which I'll talk about in a second, and then the reception, I think either outside or, where's the reception out here? Upstairs, fourth floor, and we'll guide you there. All right, so the stone breaker quiz. So each of you should have gotten a copy of this quiz. I can pass out more if you don't have one yet. Take one, pass it back. Well, so we'll get to this. Anybody whose last name ends with stone breaker is not allowed to fill the quiz out. All right, if you don't have one, take one, pass it back. You guys are ineligible. Give them a hand. So the stone breaker quiz. Five questions, multiple choice, fill your name and email address out. So we wouldn't pride this. So first of all, there is a correct answer for every single question, right? And it's been, again, we've gone through the brain trust of Beth Stonebreaker and Michael Brody, so we have, we know the answers for all of them. So don't feel like we're just pulling your leg. So there'll be a box out there at the registration decks, where you've dropped your filled out, your quiz. And then try to do this before you return to lunch, when we start the afternoon session. And then we have prizes at the end that should have been donated by, graciously, by Vertica and VoltDB. And they're not just like coffee mug, they're actually kind of nights. So you want to try to win these, okay? And again, if you guys in the front row, if your last name is Stonebreaker, you cannot fill us out. So we'd also like to actually thank additional sponsors that have been helping us out to pay for all this. Obviously, Intel and Microsoft are very generous in donating and then COLA Labs, which is a startup club here in Cambridge. And of course, we also like to thank Joe Tango and Andy Palmer for making personal donations to make this all, pay for the reception, pay for the t-shirts, pay for the quiz, and things like that. All right, all right, so I'll do the best I can and stop me if I get anything wrong, Mike. Since the day is gonna be all about databases and streaming and yada, yada, yada, I'm gonna spend some time actually discussing the non-database aspect of Mike Stonebreaker that you may not be familiar with and he's not readily available on Wikipedia just yet, all right? So Mike's parents were Lewis and Leslie Stonebreaker. Lewis was originally an engineer and then when they moved to New Hampshire, because this seems to be a growing theme in Mike's family, Leslie insisted that they moved from Boston to New Hampshire. So they lived there for a while and he was a foreman. And then around when Mike was 10, they moved back to the Boston area in Newbury. So Mike was born in October 11th, 1943. He is the middle child. He went to Governor Dumber. They actually changed the name, I look at this. So Governor Dumber Academy is a nice private school, high school, they actually changed the name in 2007 to now the Governor Academy because everyone, like you, just laughed. But anyway, so at Mike, while Mike was in high school, he did very well in math and science. He played a little golf, he played a little soccer, just because it was the thing to do is not like it was his passion. Mike commented that one of the problems he had growing up was that he was very uncoordinated and given that he was so tall. And that so he just did sports just to do them, right? And then, so then Mike has two brothers, David Stonebreaker and Peter Stonebreaker. Mike is actually in the middle here. And as you can see, he's already taller than his older brother. So that just gives you a sense of how fast Mike was gaining height as he was growing up. Mike had a, through family finances, trust left by his grandparents, he had enough money to go to college. And so Mike really could have gone anywhere. And he wanted to go to an engineering school because that's what his father was pushing him towards. He also wanted to go to school that had sort of liberal arts curriculum. So he chose Princeton, but he really could have gone anywhere. And Mike commented that he chose Princeton because it was far enough away from his parents where they wouldn't come visit. That was sort of the main thing that he cared about. So Mike majored in engineering at Princeton. He spent a lot of his time during the week studying, but for the weekends, he was mostly going on, as he said, long road trips to meet women and find girls. Because at the time, Princeton was a men's only school. So then Mike graduated in 1965 and that was sort of the height of the Vietnam War. So Mike really had a choice, right? He could either, he could go to grad school or he could get drafted and go to Vietnam. So he chose to go to grad school. And so he had an NSF fellowship at the time, so he really could have gone anywhere. And he chose to go to the University of Michigan because that's where they had the best financial aid package for him. So Mike was at the University of Michigan from 1965 to 1971 and this was actually timed because at the point when he graduated, he was no longer eligible for the draft, so he thought it was safe to go outside in the real world. So then after he graduated from the University of Michigan with a PhD in, remind me again, C-I-C-E, which means something, not computer science, Mike moved to Berkeley. And this is, I think, one of the most pivotal points in Mike's career, right? As a new Berkeley professor, he realized that, you know, to meet women at the time, he needed to grow a mustache. And let me tell you, he grew an amazing mustache. He started off with the Fu Manchu. It was a little wispy, but that was okay. And then he just sort of groomed a little bit more and then he ended up with a light Burt Reynolds, which I think is beautiful. But then he realized that, you know, the times were changing, mustaches weren't really in style anymore, so he had to shave his mustache, because again, he was out in the prowl looking for love in all the wrong places. And then, lo and behold, he ended up meeting Beth Snowbreaker in 1981 and they got married in 1984. I always thought this middle picture was actually a prom picture, but I've been told that it's actually your brother's wedding, right? So it's not prom. And then they were married in 1984 and then they had Leslie and Sandy, who were sitting on the front row. Leslie was born in 1987 and Sandy was born in 1991. So other aspects of Mike's life that are important to know is that Mike and Beth did a cross-country bike ride in 1988 and Mike has said that if you wanna know whether you're actually compatible with your wife, ride with her on a tandem bike across the entire country and you'll sort out all the issues, marital problems that you have on that bike ride. Mike is also known as, or in 2001, Mike and Beth moved back to the East Coast from Berkeley at much conjoaling from Beth, which again seems to be a recurring theme in Mike's history where the women in his life wanna move back to the Boston area. Among other things that Mike does, Mike is also known as being a mountain man. So he has climbed many mountains in New Hampshire. Yes, there is a number and it's on the quiz. And he climbs a lot of mountains with Mike Brody, his friend here to say, I don't know what this last picture is on the right. It has nothing to do with mountains. I just thought I was hilarious. Okay. So that's all, so the next we're gonna have, we're gonna have David DeWitt, it's gonna talk about the history of Mike. Yes. Okay, is that right now? Thomas? All right, so there's been like a scheduling conflict, so the MIT people just send a note. If you're here for the Larry Ellison erotic fan fiction club, there's, we've been double booked and they're now at boarding 41, the physical plant down the street. So again, if you're here for that, I'm sorry, there's a minute mix up. Just go there. All right.