 Happy birthday, Tom. Thanks for not releasing the new Spider-Man trailer. Yes. It's Tom Holland's birthday today. He turned 12. And we're all just, we're all just thrilled for that. But we were kind of promised by, I don't actually know who, Twitter, I guess, just felt the need to think that a new trailer was coming out today for Spider-Man. And it didn't come out! Maybe I'll upload this video, and then it'll be there, and then I'll just look silly. I'll just look stupid as shit, but you know what? I don't care. I was told there was gonna be a trailer today, and I don't see a TRAILER! I'm livid. I'm real livid about this, because I don't have much going on in my life. Okay, Disney. There's very little that gets me up in the day. Yeah, sure, I have a wife. Yeah, sure, I have a couple kids to support, but besides that, what is that really? Is that enough for me? I don't think it is. I think I need that Spider-Man trailer. The thing was trending earlier today, and when I, when I click on it, it's just a bunch of idiots saying Where's the trailer? Or fake trailers? Why are you making fan trailers? That's the best use of your time? You should be making videos where you complain about no trailers being available. That's a better use of your time. Especially if you're a middle-aged man with absolutely nothing better to do! If you don't think I can stretch this shitty video out to seven or eight minutes, strap in. Rumor around the gossip mill is this isn't just your standard average Spider-Man far from home. Or Spider-Man Homecoming. Or Spider-Man Home on the Range. Or Spider-Man Home Sick. Or Spider-Man Home Alone. Or Spider-Man Home Alone Lost in New York. Or Spider-Man Homeward Bound. Or Spider-Man Homey Don't Play That. Or Spider-Man Home or Simpson. I'm stretching. We were promised a multiverse with different Spider-Mans from the different generations. Toby McGuire was gonna be here. Andrew Garfield was gonna be here. Dr. Octopus. Dr. Octavius was gonna be here. We were gonna get Electro back. Remember Jamie Foxx's Electro? That was... That was something. We could get Miles Morales in there from Into the Spider-Verse doing a little Looney Tunes back in action or a little Who Framed Roger Rabbit combining live action with animation. We could get stupid silly with this. But maybe this is all wild hearsay, and it's just gonna be another standard Spider-Man movie. With Tom Holland and his gang up to no good causing trouble. Getting into shenanigans. I don't know. We didn't get a trailer. I'm sure you're having a great day, Tom Holland. Having a great birthday snorted some spider web off of a girl's ass. But me, I'm just sitting here refreshing my stupid internet, refreshing my browser, waiting, watching, hoping that I get that gorgeous two-minute trailer featuring some of my Spider-Mans from old and some of my new favorites. Maybe you got a cake and you're gonna sit down and eat it. Well, you know what? Not so fast, buddy. It's not time to blow out the candles yet. Not until I see that video up on YouTube. Call Disney! What am I supposed to do with my day? Pick up my kids from school? Are you kidding me? Then I could miss the trailer, and then I wouldn't be able to react to the trailer in a decent time frame! As soon as this movie preview drops, there's gonna be 700 assholes that instantly have a video uploaded. Somehow, they might have their video uploaded before the actual trailer's up there! That doesn't even make sense, but I guarantee you, if you search Spider-Man Trailer, you're gonna see some of these dipshits reacting to the video before the actual legit trailer comes up. They might even put out a second video crying about how their first video got flagged because they showed the entire trailer sound and all, and then threw a fit because they took the ad revenue away. That's supposed to be my thing to do! I want that opportunity! Don't take it away from me, Tom Holland. The clock is ticking! I'm ready! The world is ready! The reactors are ready! They probably have the reactions already filmed before even watching the trailer, which reminds me, I should really set up like a boilerplate reaction video template. It would just be so easy to churn them out. You could just do like, it's the same crap every time. You know, you just put your headphones in pretend like you're watching the video. Not even plugged into anything. Cool! Oh, what? Oh my God, they did it! They did it! This trillion-dollar company made it happen. I didn't think they would be able to do it. This trillion-dollar company. I didn't believe they'd be able to make this happen. Oh my God! But I can't do that. Release the trailer, Tom. This has been a public disservice announcement. Release the trailer, Tom. Release the trailer. That was certainly something. Thanks for watching. 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