 The DCEU invites us to come witness a masterclass in how to ruin a film. This will be an ongoing trend for Warner Brothers going forward. And unfortunately for director David Ayer, the movie I'm about to roast never got a Snyder cut. So grab your baseball bat, grab your katana, grab your shock paddles, because we're about to hurt Suicide Squad. Really, really bad. The roast producer on this video is Sully over on Patreon.com slash Adam Does Movies. He's a Mithril member, so on occasion he gets to pick a roast from a beautiful list I've put together. I have to do it. Alright, let's head to prison. The film fires up with LGBTQIA plus logos of all colors and shapes and sizes. My God, that was a mouthful. Warner Brothers learn from testing audiences that they're really into color. I guess they haven't met my grandma. She's racist. House of the Rising Sun plays while Will Smith, appropriately shirtless as he's often seen, is practicing his jabs for the big event at the Academy Awards. Keep my wife's name out here! Security guard delivers his lunch, makes change a few choice words. And old Floyd runs his mouth, ends up in a bit of an Amanda Bynes as he's beaten by security guards. Amanda Bynes, that's a timely reference. Subscribe for timely references. Character and song change, this is gonna happen a thousand times. Harleen Quinzel is hanging upside down, listening to the stylings of Leslie Gore. Shortly after, she licks a bar, and now it's the only way I can achieve climax. That very same guard from before is now talking shit to Harley. She be all like, you don't own me. He shocks her, which turns the movie all purple and blue. And she eventually knocks herself out, which causes the scene to change yet again. Sympathy of the Devil starts playing as Amanda Waller for some reason is narrating the film now. This is like the end of Justice League, where out of nowhere, Lois starts doing a narration. It's the reverse. Now Amanda Waller out of nowhere is just talking. She's talking to the audience, I guess. And she only says two sentences. That's the entire narration. They sound like it's the end to a much lengthier story that we didn't get to hear. The words verbatim. The world changed when Superman flew across the sky. Then it changed again. When he didn't. Very profound. Very heavy. Wow. Then we get to soak in what she said with the lengthy pause. A couple shots of Superman merch, funeral procession, followed by, and that's why I'm here. Okay, who are you? Nobody asked. She's on her way to a nice dinner with some senior officials. They keep exchanging one-liners. He says, you're playing with fire, Amanda. And she retorts, I'm fighting fire with fire. She opens the top secret binder, which says top secret all over it. And we get another introduction to Dead Shot by Will Smith. The same dude that we just had an intro to gets another one. Song number four kicks in. We are not even two minutes into this movie. This is the film equivalent of a TikTok. Standing in the Rain by Action Bronson is the flavor for this part of the flick. Will Smith's character is a master assassin he doesn't miss. But he doesn't know how to use a phone. What is he doing? You don't have to hold the phone like this every time you speak into it. Yeah, the speaker might be at the bottom, but you can still talk like this. You can still talk. You don't have to turn and talk, dipshit. We bounce ahead to a nice little Christmas stroll with his daughter. He's wearing a stupid hat and his daughter has a doll to play with. Literally called Play Doll. It's on message. It's on brand. Whoa, heads up! Bad flick, cameo. And Dead Shot is about to ice this guy, but his stupid daughter gets in the way. So there's a reason why he doesn't shoot him. But what's the excuse for holding your gun like a fucking idiot? What's your excuse for that one? Back to Waller, who states she's got the man that never misses. Put him in a hole and throw away the hole. I like that. This is the best line of the film. Well, that was 8 Seconds Well Spent. Off to the next song and dance. Harley Quinn's in a cage dancing to Rick James Super Freak. This movie's basically just a collection of songs off of now that's what I call music. I do appreciate how Suicide Squad goes out of its way to not only tell us these people are unhinged and crazy wildcards but also to literally put that on the screen. Waller explains how Harley used to be a psychologist and one of her patients was the Joker. And she got too close. Fell in love with the Clown Prince. These are things Academy Award winner Viola Davis has to say. Talk about a workplace romance gone wrong. Joker's played by Jared Leto. Kind of. I mean, I guess. I don't really know what Jared Leto's doing in this film. He's playing something. If telling us he's crazy and if showing us via text overlays on screen that he's crazy isn't enough, don't worry. He also tattooed them right on his skin. He's got damaged. He's got a teardrop J under the eye. That's my personal favorite. He's got a ha ha ha somewhere along the ribcage. It's just, he's a walking dumbass billboard. The silver grill really classes him up as well. During the flashback, they strap Margot Robbie to a table. And I'm full masked. He doesn't want to kill her though. He just wants to hurt her. Really, really bad. It is the best line of the film. At Joker Tower, we watch Harley Quinn seductively dance while Joker looks on upset, confused, sad. It's hard to really know. This is Oscar award-winning stuff right here. This performance Leto's putting in is quite, quite, quite the spectacle. He drew a mouth on his hand and he put the hand up to his mouth. So now he can give himself head. This channel is called Adam Does Movies. It's your own fault. You know, I used to be sad that Heath Ledger died. Now I'm just pissed at him because this is the fucking result. This is the spoils of what has taken place since he left. Well, now I am sad again too. Bad Flick's back, baby. And he's on top of Joker's car, a Lamborghini, with a song played by Skrillex called Purple Lamborghini. It's on brand. Bad Flack scuba flies underwater. Cold cocks Harley Quinn, who pretends to be dead. And then they make out because they're both incredibly turned on by what just took place. But we don't have time to linger. We're moving on. This film's been edited by a seven-year-old. Captain Boomerangs in the house. Dirt indeed. Dirt cheap is playing by AC DC. How refreshing. At least they selected music that hasn't been overplayed to hell and back. Maybe next up we can hear Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas or Michael Jackson's Billy Jean. Hope the sarcasm is coming through on this. Boomerangs in the middle of a robbery when suddenly the flash shows up. Wow. What a fun three seconds that was. This movie's been on for 13 minutes. I'm not even joking you. All right. Thankfully things have sped up. We're going through characters at a rapid fire pace. Fire because of El Diablo. Another pun. Killer Croc joins the fight. Oh wow. There's Hopper from Stranger Things. That's nice. All right. We are mercifully at the last character here. June Moon. June Moon. What a dumb name. She was spelunking when she happened to pawn a statue of the witch. Witch then took over June's body and now goes by the name Enchantress. Keep in mind this information is being fed to us out of a cannon. It's just boom, boom, boom. This is important. This is important. Know this. Learn this. And then they move on so quickly. Waller informs us through two sentences that she actually has the witch's heart in her possession. That's something that the witch needs. So if you control the heart, you control the witch. Side note, in the last few minutes several more songs have gone by a little bit from War and something from CCR. Seconds of musical entertainment. In fact, the music changes so frequently it's the equivalent of being in the car with your friend who's trying to find that one last perfect song before you get home. But you're like 10 seconds from the driveway. Just let it play. By the way, I am that friend. I'm the guy that does that. I hate myself. Oh, sweet. Baby Jesus. Rick Flag has to have a moment to now and look at that butt fucking ugly title card that he used. What is this? What is this movie? My 11 year old son can make something better in Photoshop. Waller explained how she played Match Cupid and got Rick Flag and June Moon together. She made him her personal guard or something because she knew they would fall in love and it worked. They did. They fell in love. I honestly think Waller might be an idiot, but she's a very good salesman. Anyway, she puts together a presentation for the guys over at the Pentagon. I'm guessing there's a nice spread-off camera, bagels, maybe some soda pop. I would imagine she went all out for this thing and eventually she has to because they're not really impressed with using these meta-humans to fight some of their dirty little wars. So June saunters over to give off the big performance of the night, which is turning into the Enchantress. And now it's time to round up the team. Ladies and gentlemen, what you're looking at right now is peak 100% uncut, pure cinema at its finest. Look at this shot. It's perfect. Every second of it is perfect. Rick Flag is wearing a hatch with a flag on it. Seems odd brand. Pyro spells out bye in flame. What a jackass. All right, now Deadshot gets his time to shine, show off his merit in front of the fellow soldiers. They give him a gun. They're going to test his aim. Just do not give this man a phone. The Fresh Prince welcomes the target to Earth as he shoots him with pinpoint accuracy. Black Skinhead by Yay is playing on the jukebox. The Joker. He got into the permanent markers again, Mom. And he wrote all over the walls and on his own face. We need to take a moment and just really appreciate the laughter that emits from this man's mouth. Eh. It's not a laugh. It's an old man wheezing because he can't get off the couch. Eh. My leg is gone. My leg is shot. In a meat locker, that prison guard we saw a couple times, he now has to kiss the ring of the Clown Prince. He's going to do him some favors. One of which, smuggle a phone into the prison for Harley to have. 10 seconds later, which is about how long all these scenes last in the film, Enchantress is messing with Rick Flagg, showing him images, trying to get him out of the room. While he's distracted, she warps over to Waller's house into her bedroom and tries to take her heart back, but there's a motion detecting briefcase on the bed next to Amanda as she sleeps. It's the perfect thing to do. She's so smart. What she wasn't betting on? Enchantress's brother. He's just a room over. Just in like a little storage closet. So she grabs the statue of her little bro, finds a body with him, lickety split, and we're off to the races. She tells her brother that humans don't worship them like gods as they should, but they're into machines now. So she's going to build a machine to destroy them or do something with... I don't actually know what the like profit? It's a little... everything's so fast. Everything's so quick. Anyway, her brother is supposed to just kind of like take in the day, see the sights, absorb some people for energy, you know, really, really just have fun. This city will eat you alive, though, if you're not prepared. And I guess he wasn't because he dropped to the ground, collapsed instantly. People go to his aid, but oh, he was tricking them. He absorbs them, gets gigantic, and then starts taking out shit right away. Like, he's not having any of it. And might I just add? The CG in this? Impeccable. All right, it's time to round up the team. Again. For real this time. They chip them and flip them. So if they try to run away, boom, their head blows up. Guard smoothly slips Harley Quinn that Joker phone, which really is a Joker phone. It's got a full UI and everything. He goes all out on his prop, so I'll give him that. His tech is solid. Speak of the devil. Him and his boys are up to no good. They're doing something. I actually don't know what they're doing. I truly don't know what they're doing in this scene. Everything is so fast. I couldn't make heads or tails of it. They're shooting a place up. Flagen forms waller that the enchantress is now rolling stag. She's disconnected from June's body. She's running a muck. So Amanda quickly grabs the heart, starts stabbing the shit out of it, but too little, too late. At that very moment, enchantress's brother gives her the power to be on her own. I guess somehow that's the thing that they can do. That's one of their powers. So she doesn't need the body anymore. She's in her own. And for some reason, her brother decided to make her appearance that of a Victoria's Secret model in lingerie. I'm not complaining. I just find it a little odd that that's the wardrobe he went with. Maybe that's just how she looks in that form. It's weird that she looks like that because he's a giant skyscraper orange CG thing. A lot of questions in this flick. And this movie's not going to answer any of them. It's been a brutal 60 seconds with no background pop music. Thankfully the white stripes have come in to save the day. Oh look, Slipknot. A late arrival has come into the fray. He's probably going to be pretty important since they gave him zero backstory and I know nothing about him other than his name is Slipknot and he can scale things? I guess. He doesn't even get text overlays of his stats. That can't be good. It's time to suit up fam. Listen, I celebrate Eminem's entire catalog. I've heard without me probably a thousand times. The version this movie used is so horribly chopped. They don't even try to sneakily transition parts of the song. It's very abrupt. And it sounds terrible when they do it. Because all of the songs in this were just slapped on this shit in the 11th hour. It was a very different film when air started it. Fortunately we're at the climax of both the movie and my adulthood. Harley Quinn getting into her wardrobe. This may be one of the most visually appealing shots in all of cinema. I'd like to dwell on this for an uncomfortable amount of time. Fun fact, Suicide Squad won an Oscar for best makeup and hair. But we know it was for this. We know why it won. It was because his work of art paved the way for strong female leads. With daddy issues cosplaying as this character for years and years to come. It's about time. This may be a terrible movie with horrific editing. But this outfit will go down as one of the greatest gifts ever delivered to mankind. And the fact that David Ayer was able to convince Margot Robbie to walk around in this ridiculous outfit for months and months at a time arguably makes him one of the most brilliant filmmakers in all of Tinseltown. And I'd personally like to thank Kate Holly for designing this gorgeous outfit. Listen, the DC may feature a bunch of folks flying around in capes with super abilities. But you, Kate, you're the real hero. Deadshot's not thrilled about his new situation. Sure, he's out of his cell, but at what cost? He's probably gonna die out in the field, which begs the question, so what are we, some kind of suicide squad? This is the best line of the film. Another late arrival shows up to Smash Brothers. Her name is Katana. She'll cut down anyone that even looks at her funny. Her sword traps the souls of her victims. That's almost verbatim. And never mind about earlier. That right there is the best line of the film. The spirit in the sky now plays as our anti-heroes or whatever they are, pro-villains. They're on their way. They're on their way to the Great Valley to fight the bad guy, bad girl, whatever. One of the two choppers gets shot down. Thankfully nobody was even a little bit hurt as this thing smashed down hard and rolled like a thousand times. Boomerang convinces Slipknot to not stick around and wait and bleed with the others, and so he takes off to the sky because he's a master climber or something. Boom! He's done. Waller detonated his device and sent a message to the others. You're all disposable. You're all expendable. No one else will die in this film. Harley and Deadshot exchange a few pleasantries, and Deadshot leaves saying, Stay evil, dollface. This is the best line in the film. The crew walk past what appears to be Venom ejaculate when they're suddenly attacked by hostiles. Bubble Tar people ambush them and they capture Rick Flag. Thankfully, he's saved by the red, white and blue. Not a flag, Harley Quinn. Deadshot jumps onto a car and does his thing. And there it is. There's our hero shot. El Diablo didn't help because he doesn't want to transform into that guy he left behind. That's not him anymore. You can't unleash that evil anymore on the world. I'm sure that won't change by the time this movie winds down. Harley breaks a window and steals a purse. Proclaiming, we're the bad guys. It's what we do. This is the worst line delivery Margot Robbie has ever had. And it's also now the best line of the film. Inside an office building the squads now a little bit closer to their objective. Harley takes a shortcut up the elevator, and K7's Come Baby Come starts playing on the jukebox. And this is worse than listening to actual elevator music. She takes care of business and David rewards us yet again with another very beautiful, very tasteful, full-ass shot. I'm starting to think my 11-year-old son liked this movie for reasons previously not clear to me. These creatures play another round of capture the flag. But the team knows if he dies, they die. So they rally together and form a circle around him. Here's another hero shot. They look like they're ready for action. This is going to be an epic standoff where they save their... Oh, and it's done. Okay, well... This movie is so edited to hell and back. These shots are right next to each other on the timeline, okay? Full circle, now they're just spread out. Nothing happened. They surrounded him and then they don't. What an experience. Ryan Howard, aka Fire Guy, finally does something. And now we have a flashback. Joker goes full ham with the few lines he has in the movie, thankfully. And then he pushes his gal into that very same vat of shit that made him the man he isn't today. I wonder if during filming Margot Robbie knows that Gerald Leto is a complete dipshit. She just has to. She's standing there and he's saying his lines. She's just got to be like, what am I doing here? There is still almost an hour left of this film. Maybe that's why it's called Suicide Squad. It's not actually about the characters in the movie, but those watching. See how long they can last before they just... Just end it all. Flag and Wall are getting a little tiff about Enchantress. He says he'll accept the consequences, which she replies, I am your consequence. This is the same line from the beginning of the movie about playing with fire. I fight fire with fire. It's the same thing. This is also the best line of the film. She kills everybody in the room. They move on with their day. The second chopper arrives, so the team can continue on their... The Joker! He's got terrible aim. Harley takes a leap of faith to her boyfriend and they can't activate the nanomite to blow her head off for some reason. That the movie never explains. It just doesn't work. It's been deactivated, presumably by the guard, but they don't take a second to show that happen. That's kind of an important detail. When the entire premise of the film revolves around people's heads blowing up if they don't go with the mission to not show how one of them circumvents that is insane. Chopper 2 gets shot down. Joker says this bird is baked. That's the best line of the movie. Harley lands on a rooftop nearby. Separated from everyone, she's all alone. Man, this is going to lead to some really rich, I think character development for her. No, she's going to get found right away. Nothing changes in this movie at all. A third helicopter is shot down. Three helicopters for the price of dumb. Unfortunately, we have a Black Waller down situation. So Flag alters the plan. Now it's a rescue mission. The squad catches up with Harley. She was on her own for seven seconds. They're in the rain. It's very touching. They give her the bat back. They act like their best friends who haven't seen her in years. It's quite comical. Enchantress has possession of Amanda Waller, and now her heart. Rick Flag takes some time to explain the dumbass plot of this film to his friends. Essentially, it boils down to Amanda Waller just being bad at her job. Congratulations, Amanda. You played yourself. The Enchantress is free because of you. Smith isn't having it. Deadshot walks off, and the rest of the team follow because they're followers. They're not leaders. Things finally slow down in what has to be the longest movie I've ever sat through. They're at a bar taking shots. Will Smith has some more bad dialogue. Don't forget, we're the bad guys. El Diablo springboards into a sad sack backstory but never once mentions why he put shit all over his face. His wife is a smoke show, though. I'll give him that. Meaning, she died from smoke in her lungs. He took the kids down with her. Rick Flag comes in, tears in his eyes, looking for some help. Frankly, I'm having a hard time staying focused because it's been five minutes since the last pop song. I don't even know what to do. Flag then busts out a whole pile of letters that he had of Deadshot's daughters. For some reason on him? What? Deadshot looks. He's pissed that they held this from him but now he knows he has a reason to live. He's gonna make his daughter proud by going out swinging, by going out shooting. Harley calls them pussies as they leave the bar. She said that twice in the film because she's so edgy. Captain Boomerang throws one of his drone Boomerangs to check out what's going on. It never returns. I don't think a single Boomerang ever returns in this entire film. At that point, they're not Boomerangs, they're Frisbees, or just random objects you're throwing. Crocodile Mile takes a dip. I forgot he was in this film. Killer Croc is so completely useless. I think he was talking to Scott Eastwood, who can be found just kind of randomly staggered throughout this film. He's like, fucking, where's Waldo? This movie's not really about the destination. It's about the Scott Eastwoods we saw along the way. Alright, final boss battle. The Enchantress is dancing underneath a beam of light like she's in a Pussycat Dolls music video. Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me? Don't you wish your girlfriend was enchantress like me? Don't ya? Unlike Shakira, these hips do lie, and she starts projecting images into all of our friends' minds. Harley dreams of playing housewife, married to a guy who is into complete tool. Deadshot kills the Batman. El Diablo's back with his family, and their flag probably got a fresh new American flag hat. That didn't happen, but it wouldn't surprise me. They don't fall for Chantress's games. I call her Chantress now for short. She sicks her brother on them. Boomerang throws another Boomerang at the jolly orange dipshit. It blows up. Nothing happens. Well done. You are absolutely useless. Go join Killer Croc. El Diablo decides it's time to power up and reveal my true identity. Sarah Jessica Parker. This looks really good. Like, like really good. This looks amazing. The brother blows up. Chantress gets a glow up. She destroys a satellite, which makes some random military dude really upset. Oh, okay. Sucks for you. What was the point? What is she even doing? Also, we see Amanda Waller's not dead. She's being used for her brain so that the Enchantress can get information about what to attack. For reasons. Why? All right. The fight goes on for a while. No one has died yet in a movie called Suicide Squad. Using her masters in psychology, Harley Quinn convinces the Enchantress she's going to join her team. That's right. The Enchantress wants them to join her because she definitely needs a woman with a baseball bat and a guy that looks like a leather bag on her team. But then Harley hits her with a sword cut to the stomach. Croc grabs a bomb, throws it in the air, and dead shot takes the shot. Yeah. Teamwork. And now she's thankfully dead. And this movie can finally be... Oh, nope. She's still alive. What the fuck? And she's peeling her skin. And it's June? What? How? How? I don't understand. I don't understand. It doesn't make any sense. This movie's too deep and complex for my feeble mind to comprehend. We're winding down. Agent J goes home, gets to see his daughter to do homework. How fun. And then he begs to go back to jail. As would I. Queens. Bohemian Rhapsody plays us out. This song is far too good to be in this garbage. Oh, the song's interrupted after eight seconds. There's an explosion. And it's now a prison break. Cloud Prince is in the house. He came back for his girl. And to show the audiences, we haven't seen the last of this joker. He's gonna return in Suicide Squad 2. No, this is the last time we see his dumbass. Yeah, I know he's in the final moments of the Snyder Cut, but whatever. Enjoy that, I guess. Well, there you have it. Suicide Squad. Not to be confused with the Suicide Squad. This isn't really a movie. It's more of an out-of-body experience. A corporate product that maybe at one point resembled a film, but that was long ago. I wanna know your thoughts on this, though. Let me know in the oh my god, there's an end credit scene. Batflick is chatting with Waller. And he warns a man to shut down this program, or his friends are gonna do it for her. No, she doesn't. She doesn't shut it down. It's full steam ahead. He doesn't shut it down either. And she does return for the Suicide Squad a completely different beast, a movie with an actual story, a script, a tone. And it's really good. It's my favorite of the DCEU films. So, talk about a glow-up. All right, now we're finally done with Suicide Squad. Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. Are you a fan of this movie? Like my son for questionable reasons? Like myself, and you think it's just an absolute pile of ass. Like the video if you had a good time. Please subscribe if you haven't. And I'd love if you shared this around. These roasts take a lot of time to make. I write them out. I have to re-watch these garbage films. It's a lot of work. There's a Patreon at Patreon.com slash Adam Does Movies. You can be a member right here on YouTube via the join button. Anything you can do helps me out. YouTube payout is miserable at best. So, yeah, let's keep this hobby alive. Appreciate it.