 Welcome to Sister Power. I'm Sharon Thomas Yarbrough. Our guest, Dr. Deborah Butler, will discuss her new book, I Don't Need to Fit In. I'm Custom-Made. Dr. D shares transformational messages of a world traveler with a collection of her personal memories in a way that allows readers to relate more personally to her experience. Aloha, Dr. Butler. Sister Power is so excited to have you join us to talk about your book. Thank you very much for joining us. Aloha and thank you for having me. Well, this has been, you know, you and I have been talking about your book. I don't need to fit in. I'm Custom-Made. And if this is your book, the timing is absolutely perfect. It's on time. And we have a lot of people out there trying to figure out who they are, what they need to be. And all they need to do is be themselves. So what I want to ask you, we all have a book in us. What inspired you to write this book? I would have to say, I have about 5,000 Facebook family and friends that I've shared my life stories with. They have asked me if I would write this book. I didn't write it for me. I wrote it for my family, my children, their children, my grandchildren, their children to live as a legacy. What inspired you, the cover of your book? I like the color and the letters are bold. Tell us about, I don't need to fit in. I am Custom-Made. Well, green is my favorite color. And the photo shows where I'm not trying to fit in doing my own thing. In this book, I share transformational messages of being a world traveler with the collection of my personal memories in a way that allows the readers to relate more personally to my experience. My book doesn't focus on the entire timeline of my life, but instead I share stories from the traveling experiences to give readers insider knowledge of my favorite places where I have lived and where I have traveled abroad, places like Jamaica, Australia, different places. Also, I'm sharing experiences with celebrities that I've worked with and the impact that they have had on my life. Celebrities such as Mike Tyson, Prince the Artist, Les Brown, BB King, a DMX just to name a few. Yeah, so this, your book summarizes in one to three sentences. If you were speaking to someone unfamiliar with your book and topic, just elaborate a little more about your book. Well, I'm Custom-Made. I don't need to fit in. I am Custom-Made. It makes you realize that fitting in with people is so overrated. And in each of our lives, there is a time when we want to fit in. But you will be much happier being yourself than faking it and forcing yourself to be someone that you're not. Yeah, well, where does this book take place? Well, here in Honolulu, Hawaii, when I moved back here from Australia a little more than a year ago, I decided to settle down and write this book during the pandemic. There was not much else to do except reflect on memories and write this book. Well, who are the main characters in your book? I don't need to fit in. I am Custom-Made. My main character in this book would be my father. But there are many other characters that this memoir shows a personal and unique perspective that conveys so much more than an average memoir, both in content and style as it delves into my experience in a search for meaning and insight. There are many, as I've stated before, celebrities and some amazing people I've met in my travels while traveling around. I've met some of the most amazing people you can imagine, and they too are some of my main characters in my book. Yeah, I noticed that you have a picture with you and Mike Tyson. I would go to Las Vegas any time Mike Tyson would fight. We were there. Tell us about your experience with Mike Tyson. My experience with Mike Tyson was a very respectful experience. I was the only female working at the time for him and with him as his executive protection specialist, and he didn't allow anyone to disrespect me from the entourage. He was very caring, he was kind, he was going through a lot during that time in his life, and it was after he came to Honolulu for the training camp for the Linux Louis Mike Tyson fight. He came to the Pro Bowl in Honolulu and some young lady grabbed him, hugged him and kissed him, and he politely shoved her away. She filed an assault charge and cost him so much money he decided he needed a female bodyguard just to keep the females away, and that was my job to keep the females off of him. It was a job because they would be grabbing at him and pulling at him, trying to hug him, trying to kiss him. And I enjoyed it. If I had it to do all over again, I would. He and I became, we had a lot of heart to heart talks. We became good friends like brothers and sisters. I referred to him as my little brother. He referred to me as his big sister because his middle name is the same as my oldest son and my oldest grandson, which is Gerard, and his birthday is June 30th, my June 25th, and my two grandsons are June 28th. So we had so much in common, and many of our conversations were very heartfelt. And yeah, you know, we just lost DMX, the well-known rapper. Tell us about that experience you're working with DMX. Working with DMX was pretty much working as a life coach. And DMX said he enjoyed having me as his life coach because I gave him my undivided attention. And he said, if there were 10,000 people in the room, I would, he would have my undivided attention and he enjoyed that. Now that has to be, that is so heartfelt. We could feel the love he had for you, Dr. D. So why do you think that this book will appeal to readers? Well, that's a good question. Why would this book appeal to readers? So you have three collections of memories, you know, that are relatable with universal appeal. So let's talk about the shine light on the lives, loves and deeds of people around you. Well, to talk about how it were late, I would say that my life has been quite a ride. There's still a lot I don't know about life and what the future holds for me. But I do know myself. My father taught me to be unique. He taught me to explore and he taught me not to give in to the pressure from colleagues and friends to fit in and to just try not to be other people's definition of the word normal quote unquote. Pretty much. Yeah. Okay. Well, how is your book relevant in today's society? Well, it's because of the coronavirus. The corona pandemic has profoundly disrupted some social circles and in many places across the world, people are following similar lockdowns and shutdowns of social distancing and still trying to fit in. I strongly advise the readers to just look at this by putting a perspective that to win the war against COVID-19, we need to make sacrifices and develop a coping mindset. This book helps you to set that mindset to cope and to do that without trying to fit in. So I share information on how to cope with the challenges of wanting to fit in and how to view the situation through a lens of acceptance because you don't need to fit in. Again, you are custom made. That is so relevant. And I think many of our young people need to hear this lesson. They have so much peer pressure that if you just be yourself and just do you, your voice is enough because it's part of you. That's true. It's part of you. I mean, I just really, I resonate with your book tremendously. So is there any subject currently trending in the news that relates to your book? Well, you know, the pandemic is quite the subject that that is that we're living right now. As we work to accept the new normal as it is and cope as necessary, we have to ask ourselves, are we only saying yes to please the other person because we want to fit in? Because we have a need to fit in and be accepted by others? Are we adjusting to life during COVID-19? Because this COVID can take, it can take a toll on your mental health, your emotional health, your physical health. There are so many things out of your control. And so many of us are used to being in control. It may be a tough pill to swallow, but one thing you can control is how many risks you're taking during this pandemic. Even if those risks may be beneficial to your emotional well being, we need to know that it's okay to say no to social gatherings during COVID-19. We need to know that it's okay to not fit in. It's okay to just do you and be you and stay alive and be safe because we're living in different times now. We have to adjust to that. And fitting in is not the answer to adjusting to our new world order. Your book is like a, it gives you a boost of confidence. And I think this is what people can take from your book, that if you just love you, do you, that you are just fine. You can just glide in this world. So what do you want readers to take away from your writing? Oh, that's a good question. What I want readers to take away from my writing. Actually, I want them to know what a small enormous world it is and how it's overflowing with amazing people in amazing places that even with non-lifetime, you wouldn't come close to seeing it all. I'll travel the world extensively. I've met people that were in the same place at the same time as I was once we started discussing our travels. And so many times I thought, wow, what a small world. But it's not until you really start traveling and exploring that you realize just how big the world really is, is when you meet interesting people in small faraway towns that you begin to wonder how many more amazing people are waiting to be met, just as you are waiting to be met, how many incredible stories are waiting to be told, how many more places are there to be found, all with their own myth, their own scandals, their own legends, their own stories. And it teaches you that when you are so far away from home as you're traveling, you're insignificant because when you are at home, you see yourself as being a significant other. So pretty much, yeah. Yeah, I also noticed that you work with Les Brown, the motivational speaker. Tell me about that experience working with Les Brown. Well, it was a treat working with Les Brown. He taught me how to be a motivational speaker. He allowed me to go out before he come out and just kind of motivate the audience and get them ready for him to come out. And I will never forget the one Christmas he called me to wish me a Merry Christmas and I wasn't able to answer the phone. And the message he left on my phone was, for God's so love the world, he gave his only begotten son and you, Deborah. And that just made me feel so special. He had a way of making people feel special. So working with him gave me a lot of confidence in myself that I didn't have prior to. Wow. What, you know, you have really lived your life in case you tell us about Prince. Prince the artist. You work with Prince. Yes, working with Prince, I learned a lot about business. Prince taught me when I was working with him because anytime he came to Hawaii, he would call me to work as his executive protection specialist. And he talked to me about starting a limo service and I did what's called debonair limo service. He helped me get it started. And I was teaching also on the West side and told him how hot it was in my, I was teaching in portables, how hot it was in my portables. He furnished air conditioning, paid for them to be every portable that I taught in, Prince paid for air conditioning to be installed. He said, oh, those poor kids, he had a soft spot in his heart for kids with disabilities. And I taught in the special education department, kids with disabilities and with the special soft spot he had in his heart for kids like that. He said, there is no way you were going to work another day in a hot portable with those poor babies. And he took care of that. And then he, he taught, I learned a lot from him, business wise. Yes. Wow, those are some great gifts. And also the legendary BB King. Yes, the way we came to find out that what we had in common, he said to me one day, he said, you look just like a cook I used to have in Chicago. This is one particular day I cooked a soul food meal for everybody, BB King and the band. And he talked about how good the food was. And he, that's when he told me I reminded him of this cook he had that lived in Chicago. And he described her and which didn't mean anything because anybody could fit that description. And when he said her name, Carol Lee, I said I have an aunt named Carol Lee and that's not a common name. And I called my cousin Joseph Dixon, he knows all the family history. And he said, yes, I'm Carol Lee worked as BB King's cook. And when, when I told him that that was my aunt, we had, we laughed and just from that time, that moment forward, we bonded like family. Yeah, you know, people reading your book, tell us something that we have not spoken about. Give us some lessons that people can take away for reading your book. But one thing we haven't spoken about that, a quote, one day after training on Maui with Mike Tyson, his entourage and I were standing outside the gym and we were talking. And Mike asked me, he said, because during that time I was boxing. And he said, how in the world do you call yourself a minister and you around here knocking folks out, explain that to me. And I told him, I said, well, Mike, as a minister, I'm a servant of God. And it was God who told me to knock the hell out of people. Mike laughed so hard, I called him off guard. He laughed so hard, I thought he was going to choke. Because in his laughter, he said he just wasn't ready for that as an answer. But as I've said, this book was shared with you how there is still a lot I don't know about life and what the future holds for me, but I do know myself and I do know that my father taught me to be unique. He taught me to explore and he taught me not to give in to the precious from colleagues and friends to fit in and to just be me, just do me. And I always believed in my father because my father always had unconditional love, always have given me full support and blessings without which I could not have made it to where I am today. Because it was my father's belief in me and vision in me that I had for myself until my own belief in me, until my own belief in me feel, until I was able to have belief in myself, I believed in his belief in me. So I'm very in debt to my both of my parents because they were there for me. And I'm honored to have had such loving, supportive, strong and caring parents. And actually, the book was shared what a small world it is and what a big world it is and how the world is not as small as we all think it is. And all of the amazing people that are just waiting to be met in this world. But most importantly, most importantly, you realize that you cannot meet all these people, you cannot see all these places. And that's what the book brings out. It brings out the significance of you, you being significant, you being who you are, you doing you. There are approximately 7 billion people on this planet. And if you disappear tomorrow without a trace, how many people do you think will actually care? As a child, I learned to just get in where I fit in. Because, you know, when I was a child growing up, there were a lot of kids who wouldn't play with me because they said I was too high yellow. Because I had a lighter color skin, they would call me names, they would call me high yellow, red bone, dirty red. But because I used to play in the mud, I didn't mind being called dirty because a lot of times I was a dirty little girl. But I hate it being called red. I hate it with the passion being called red bone. And I hate it being called high yellow. Those were fighting words to me. And when I go to Jamaica, I hate being called browning. I hate those words. So I thought, how ironic that the first hostility will come from my own race of people, if you will. I've never been sensitive as far as people and bullies go. But my book will teach you how, when you learn to accept yourself, it would teach you how to accept yourself. Because when you learn how to accept yourself, you realize that fitting in with people is so overrated. You would be so much happier just being yourself, just being you. So you don't need to fit in. You just need to do you and be you because you are an original. You are not a Xerox copy. You are custom made. It's okay to leave people behind when you have someone that you're not with, when you're not with them anymore. It's okay to not be with them anymore. It's okay to leave those people behind and go on your way. You meet more people every day. And just because you used to belong with certain people doesn't mean you have to continue to stay with them now. You have to learn how to let go and just let God lead you, guide you and direct your path instead of looking up to man and looking up to people. Yeah. So those are words of wisdom for sure. Is there a particular passage from your book you'd like us to utilize? And so please provide. Well, my book shares and this is, I hope nobody get offended by this, me writing this, but it's my, it's my story and I couldn't understand why my own race of people act like dark skin and light skin or two different races. Then I came to the conclusion and the realization that only stupid, obtuse, foolish, dense, idiotic, simple, uneducated, senseless, birdbrained, weak-minded, simple-minded, dumb, moronic, slow-haven, ignorant, knuckleheaded, black people act like light skin and dark skin are two different races. We're all one. And our race is human. I don't care how you match up to the brown paper bag. You are human and that is your race first and nothing else should matters. It's time for a change and that time is well overdue. So that time for that change is now and I hope my book will help make that change because we as a people, we must learn to love one another and stop hating on our own skin color because as a people, as a race of people, we come in all flavors if you will. So even within nationalities and ethnicities, we have varieties of every physical feature, all of which we can appreciate. So love those who appreciate you and those who celebrate you and not those who tolerate you. So not just skin tone but eye color, hair color, facial and body features, they should draw us all closer together, not separate and alienate us. It doesn't matter if your hair is kinky, curly or straight. Love who you are and love the ones you with because all of our differences should make us closer together. And Toni Morrison says it best. She says, listen baby, people do funny things, especially us. The cars are stacked against us and just trying to stay in the game, just trying to stay alive and in the game. It just makes us do funny things. She said, it just makes us do crazy things, things that we can't help, things that make us want to hurt one another. And if you read Toni Morrison's songs of Solomon, she talks about this and this is why I get a lot of my wisdom from reading Toni Morrison's book about our race of people. I love it. It's all about self-love. That's what it boils down to. It's all about self-love. Well, in closing Dr. D, where can sister power viewers purchase? I don't need to fit in. I'm custom made. Well, it can be purchased on BarnesandNobles.com and then just type in the title. BarnesandNobles shipped the book faster than Amazon or the publishers. So amazon.com, you can go there and then just type in the title. And then the publishing company is Libris. Also, if you'd like to have your book signed by me, direct message me your address. And I will mail sticker book plates. This is a sticker book plate. I will mail one to you, display my signature and a personalized message that you can just peel off like this. You just peel it off and you stick it. You just stick it to the inside cover or front matter of the book. The current pandemic has halted many of the in-person gatherings, the book signings, you know, have thankfully continued on through the use of my personalized book place. My personalized book place is a safe way for me to just send my signature to anyone from booksellers to readers while abiding by the social distance measures. I can't meet you in person to sign your book, but sending a signed personalized book plate to you is a great alternative. Oh, well, you know, that is so creative. Well, thank you. See, I have, I'm a walking, I'm a walking billboard. This is okay. I don't need to fit. You don't need to fit. All right. All right. Well, thank you, Dr. D, for joining us. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I'm Sharon Thomas Yarbrough. This is Sister Power. Aloha. Aloha and thank you for having me.